Clown Car 24

There were at least 17 Republican presidential candidates in the 2016 presidential primaries. With Donald Trump leading the pack over candidates like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, Rick Perry, Scott Walker, Bobby Jindal, Rick Santorum, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, Carly Fiorina, and Ben Carson, it was truly a circus of assholes. And what’s a circus without a clown car?

So, nearly every American political cartoonist drew a clown car cartoon during the 2016 primaries, and that annoyed the living hell out of me. It’s understandable when a couple of cartoonists draw the same idea but not when dozens of cartoonists draw it. More than a few in that dozen were aware the concept had already been done but didn’t have enough respect for their profession or own work to try to think of something original. Even before the first cartoonist used it in 2016, whoever that was, it was already an overused trite cliché. It was so obvious that even Chris Matthews, who is not known for his wit, used it nightly on his show during the 2016 primaries. And when the 2020 Democratic primaries came around, every MAGAt cartoonist drew a clown car.

In 2016, I vowed to be the only cartoonist not to draw a clown car. I don’t recall but I probably drew one way back in the day. While working for the Daily Leader in Brookhaven, Mississippi, in 1995, I drew the state legislature as a bunch of clowns in a pretty bland non-offensive cartoon, and the publisher, who was president of the local chamber of commerce, killed the idea and sent me a note scolding me for not respecting state legislators. I was fired within nine months of that job.

I’m a better cartoonist now than I was in 1995, and that’s why I don’t want to draw clown cars or other clichés (mazes, sinking ships, Hindenburgs, painted into corners, things going over cliffs and waterfalls, etc). I do break one of my self-imposed rules from time to time and decided to break one today. Today, I drew the clown car cliché because I hate it.

Oh, god, I hate it so much. I hate hate hate hate hate hate it. Calling politicians clowns isn’t very daring. It’s not irreverent. It’s not offensive. Mostly, it’s lazy. Well, the idea is lazy. The actual drawing can be difficult if you actually draw the caricatures. But, most don’t draw the actual caricatures and instead will draw clowns because that’s easier than studying real faces.

I don’t expect my drawing a clown car to stop the rest of my colleagues from drawing clown cars over the next year. Most don’t care enough to care. But at the very least, I hope I kinda ruined it for them. My hope is that whenever readers see a new clown car cartoon over the next year on social media, they’ll post this cartoon in the comments. Personally, I hate it when people do that to me.

It’s early but the Republican primaries are here and I think it’s early enough for this to be the first clown car. And who are the clowns in my car?

First, we got the lead clown, Donald Trump. He’s the only one who actually paints his face and wears a wig. In his case, more like a bleached skunk carcass. According to a Quinnipiac University poll released May 24, Trump leads the GOP primary with 56 percent because for Republican voters, the griftier the better.

Then there’s the first runner-up, Ron DeSantis who promises to make the United States as fascist as he’s made Florida. All the candidates are campaigning against “woke,” but he’s the woke-hating champion. DeSantis is currently at 25 percent, and despite having a huge lead over him, Trump is very afraid of DeSantis who has been the focus of most of his personal attacks. Pro-Trump PACs are running anti-DeSantis ads. If you’re a GOP candidate and you don’t get a Trump nickname like DeSanctimonious got, then you’re not a threat.

Nikki Haley is in the clown car and she’s currently at three percent.

Mike Pence is in the clown car despite not making his campaign official yet. He’s currently polling at two percent.

Tim Scott is an official candidate and is also at two percent. He’s such a non-threat that Trump has said very nice things about him entering the race. Nice guys finish last in Republican primaries but just like in horror movies, the black candidates will probably die first.

Larry Elder, who got trounced in California’s gubernatorial recall race, is an official candidate and is polling at one percent.

Vivek Ramaswamy is an official candidate and you have probably never heard of him. I think he’s the Republicans’ Marianne Williamson. Oh, you don’t remember her either.

Former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson is in the race but I don’t think he’s even polling yet. Maybe he’s doing so poorly because, like John Kasich in 2016, he may be the only candidate who’s not a complete asshole. But, Donald Trump has called him “Aida,” so there’s that.

Chris Christie is about to make it official and he’s polling at two percent. He too is catching some Trump scorn.

There are other potential candidates like Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin, Liz Cheney, North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, South Dakota Governor Christi Noem, and New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu.

There are other declared candidates like businessman Perry Johnson, Cranston (RI) Mayor Steve Laffey, and Montana Secretary of State Corey Stapleton, but nobody’s noticed their entries yet, and are not significant enough to be included in the clown car.

If you’re a presidential candidate and the cartoonists don’t put you in the clown car or Donald Trump isn’t attacking you, then your chances are slim and none…and Slim just left town.

The candidates in the Republican presidential race who have the best chances of beating President Biden are the candidates the GOP doesn’t want.

Personally, I’d rather vote for Pizza Rat.

Now when you see clown cars in the future featuring these candidates, remember who told you so. It was me.

Music note: I listened to Foreigner which was weird.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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