Election 2024

Lock Him Up

Donald Trump “truthed” that he’s going to be arrested on Tuesday. It’s Tuesday. As Ted Knight said in Caddyshack, “Well? We’re waiting.”

Republicans are in an uproar over the possibility Donald Trump will be indicted and arrested in Manhattan over the hush-money payment scheme to porn star Stormy Daniels. It didn’t work because we still found out about the “Yeti pubes.” They claim the statutes of limitations have passed in the case which is not true but is an admission of guilt. They claim the investigation is solely political since, as Trump puts it, he’s the “leading” candidate in the presidential race.

Trump claimed that Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg “has allowed violent crime to reach new heights in New York without any retribution” in order to prosecute Trump. Other Republicans have made the same claim, saying Bragg should focus on other crimes in New York…and then without an ounce of awareness promise to investigate Bragg.

Instead of focusing on the border, inflation, the economy, China, and making sure Matt Gaetz isn’t hitting on underage congressional pages, Republicans want to investigate another Trump investigation.

Republican Florida congressman and Goon Caucus member Byron Donalds was on CNN this morning complaining about Bragg not focusing on New York, defended Congress going after Bragg, and then talked about how FEMA hasn’t provided enough trailers to his district after the last hurricane. Maybe you worry more about FEMA trailers in Florida and less about prosecutions in New York.

Republicans are threatening and harassing the Manhattan DA before any charges have been announced. While calling Bragg’s investigation political, they promise to investigate Bragg, and again without any awareness, with Jim Gym Jordan leading the committee.

Republicans are screaming and howling that a presidential candidate can’t be prosecuted, investigated, indicted, arrested, etc…while forgetting that they’re the “lock her up” gang.

Have you ever been to a Trump rally? I have. Have you at least seen one on TV? They do love their chants at Trump rallies. There’s “space force,” “fire Fauci,” “drain the swamp,” “build the wall,” and the always popular and very racist “send her back,” but perhaps the most popular of the chants that don’t exceed three syllables is “lock her up.”

In 2016, attendees of MAGA rallies started the chant “lock her up” in regard to Hillary Clinton, who at the time was the leading presidential candidate. Hmm. That’s weird. Right now, Republicans are saying it’s a bad thing to try to arrest leading presidential candidates and political opponents.

Donald Trump never disavowed these “lock her up” chants. Usually, he just stood at the podium with that creepy smile on his face ike he had just spotted a ten-year-old in Trump Tower that he’d like to date in eight years, allowing the crowd to continue the chant.

In 2020, while he was president (sic), he said during one of these “lock her up” chants, “I agree with you 100 percent.”

Throughout his presidency (sic), Trump called for investigations, prosecutions, indictments, and arrests of political opponents. He claimed Hillary Clinton and President Obama committed “treason” for their parts in the Russia investigation (they had zero parts in it).

In 2020, he tweeted at his Attorney General William Barr to “arrest somebody,” and wondered aloud why President Obama, then-Democratic nominee Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton hadn’t been imprisoned for launching a “coup” against his administration.

In the same 24-hour period, he tweeted, “Where are all of the arrests? Can you imagine if the roles were reversed? Long term sentences would have started two years ago. Shameful!”

And then he let loose a barrage of tweets in all caps, stating, “DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, THE BIGGEST OF ALL POLITICAL SCANDALS (IN HISTORY)!!! BIDEN, OBAMA AND CROOKED HILLARY LED THIS TREASONOUS PLOT!!! BIDEN SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO RUN – GOT CAUGHT!!!”

These tweets were sent right after Trump returned to the White House from Walter Reed Hospital where he was recovering from COVID, so he was probably pretty high on bleach, ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, Diet Coke, and Adderall.

Elise Stefanik has called Bragg’s investigation “unAmerican.” Rand Paul, missing the irony of accusing Bragg of arresting political opponents while calling for Bragg’s arrest.

Speaker Kevin McCarthy said a possible indictment would be “an outrageous abuse of power by a radical DA who lets violent criminals walk as he pursues political vengeance.”

Mike Pence said it was a “politically-charged environment in New York where the attorney general and other elected officials literally campaigned on a pledge to prosecute the former president.” But it’s not as politically charged as the riot at the Capitol on January 6, 2021, that was chanting, “Hang Mike Pence.” Again, only three syllables.

Tech investor, Republican presidential candidate, and guy you never heard of before until now Vivek Ramaswamy said he didn’t want to live in a country where “the party in power is able to use police force to arrest its political opposition.”

Lauren Boebert tweeted, “We’re witnessing the most obscene political witch-hunt in American history.” And then her son impregnated the witch.

Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted with a link to MTG merchandise, “George Soros puppet and Democrat activist Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg has declared us all Enemies of State by declaring war on MAGA.” But you too can proudly wear “Enemy of the State” panties.

Jim Gym Jordan said it was an “unprecedented abuse of prosecutorial authority.”

Matt Gaetz said to a young woman walking past him in a hallway, “Hey, are you 18 yet?”

George Santos said, “I never abused my office politically when I was the Manhattan DA.”

But if you can remember, the party in power in the House of Representatives in 2016 conducted the Benghazi hearings. They forced Hillary Clinton to testify during her campaign. Kevin McCarthy praised the hearings for hurting Clinton’s poll numbers.

None of the goons, not McCarthy, Stefanik, Donalds, Paul, Pence, MTG, Boebert, or Ramalamadingdong ever told Trump to stop tweeting to his Attorney General to arrest his political opponents. None of them called it “unAmerican.” Remember, all of these goons were A-OK with President (sic) Trump using taxpayer-funded military aid approved by Congress to extort the President of Ukraine to dig up dirt on his political opponent.

Attorney General (sic) Bill Barr did use the Justice Department to defend Trump and his goons and appointed a Special Counsel to investigate the Russia investigation, which has turned up diddly. So yeah, they did try to go after Trump’s political opponents. The problem was, they didn’t have anything on Trump’s political enemies. That’s the same problem they have today with the Bidens and all the claims of corruption and payments from China…they don’t have anything.

Republicans impeached President Bill Clinton for lying about oral sex but they want to sweep under the rug that Donald Trump paid hush money to a porn star to keep quiet about doing the wild thing in Vegas and that his ding-dong looks really really weird.

Republican outrage can’t be taken seriously. McCarthy says justice isn’t being applied evenly…and neither is his outrage.

If Democrats are actually using the law to go after political opponents, then Republicans are outraged that Democrats are acting like them.

If Republicans don’t want their candidates to be arrested, then stop making criminals your candidates.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Advertisement

Selective Outrage

The only bright spot for Will Smith from Chris Rock’s Netflix special, Selective Outrage, is that he knows at least one person watched “Emancipation”.

I pulled up Netflix Saturday night without any idea of what I was going to watch, which is a typical Saturday night for me now that I’m old and single. The first thing to pop up was Chris Rock’s live special, “Selective Outrage.” If I heard about this special coming up beforehand, I forgot. Since I didn’t have anything specific in mind to watch (more Community, IT Crowd, The Good Place?), I decided to check out Rock’s special which was coming live from Baltimore. I pulled it up during the pre-show.

The comedians during the pre-show were praising Rock and talking about how he was on fire and bringing his A-game, which to me was like when Trump announced his campaign for the 2024 presidential election, and Sean Hannity and fellow goons were talking about how he was on fire and unstoppable, even though they weren’t actually listening to the speech.

Did Chris Rock bring his A-game? Now take it from a white guy but one who watches a lot of standups and has seen several of Rock’s previous specials, but no. He was not on fire and he didn’t bring his A-game…until the last ten minutes.

Don’t get me wrong. It was good, not great. But everybody’s talking about the last ten minutes.

Rock joked about getting his own daughter kicked out of school, dating women in their 40s and 50s, Meghan Markle’s shock that the royal family is racist, and how black people will look behind a baby’s ears to see what shade of black they’ll be when they’re older.

The ear thing was news to me, but again, I’m white. White people don’t have to look behind a baby’s ears to see what shade of white they’ll be because we know that baby’s gonna be white and won’t be judged by the tone of its whiteness. I was aware of black people being treated differently based on their skin tone, as those with darker skin will deal with more racism, but the ear-check was an education for me.

Another education for me was Lululemon which I had never heard of, but I know about yoga pants. My friends and I have long conversations about yoga pants, and we don’t wear yoga pants.

Some of his observations were funny and honest like if Beyonce wasn’t famous and worked at Burger King, she could still land a millionaire like Jay-Z because of how beautiful she is. But if Jay-Z wasn’t rich and famous, he’d never land a woman like Beyonce (which Jay-Z would probably agree with). And then Rock said, “Last thing I need is another mad rapper,” which was a reference to being slapped by Will Smith at the Oscars a year ago. It was a running joke as he said it again after a Snoop Dog joke.

I was OK with Rock joking that parents should be allowed to kill their children until they’re four because it’s a joke and I had a four-year-old (they’re tiny terrorists), but I didn’t like him saying that every abortion is killing a baby because it feeds into the anti-science fundamentalist zealotry talking point used by Republicans who are banning abortions. But he was right when he said to women, “If you have to pay for your own abortion, you should have an abortion.”

And then he got to the slap.

Rock has said little over the past year regarding the slap. He’s referenced it here and there in his standups that weren’t big specials on a streaming network. But he’s mostly stayed silent. He’s been applauded for being mature and dignified over the entire thing. Not anymore. On Saturday night, Rock slapped back and I don’t think Will Smith will ever recover.

Rock said he loved Will Smith and used to cheer for him but now, he said, “I watch ‘Emancipation’ just to see him get whooped.”

I don’t really care about celebrity feuds or take sides. I’m still on the fence about Van Halen versus David Lee Roth. I honestly don’t know for sure where this one stems from. From what I understand, Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith had an affair. Rock’s theory is that Smith took his anger about the affair out on him. Rock said, “She hurt him way more than he hurt me.”

If you remember, and you should, Rock hosted last year’s Oscars and told a joke about Jada’s baldness which made Will Smith walk onto the stage and slap Chris Rock. Rock said the slap still hurts and that he has “Summertime” ringing in his ears a year later. I got that joke because “Summertime” came out when I was still young and listening to new music.

Rock said there are four ways people can get attention in our culture: Showing your ass, being infamous, being excellent, or playing the victim. Rock said he’s not a victim and you won’t see him on Oprah or Gayle (which is something else I had to look up. Gayle King, right?). But, Rock did play the victim somewhat by claiming Smith took his frustrations out on him after so many other people had called him a “bitch.” But if you want to find a room full of victims, go to CPAC.

CPAC, which was also in Maryland over the weekend, but not Baltimore, is the annual convention of racist Republican assholes so quite naturally, its keynote speaker was Donald Trump. Former Trump fixer Michael Cohen said the room for Trump’s speech was only at 40 percent capacity, and this entire convention was a Trump event. Cohen is a professional liar but a reporter for Vanity Fair who’s been covering CPAC for the past decade said he’s “never seen it more dead.”

Trump read a boring speech off a teleprompter for over 90 minutes in which he tapped into old grievances and told the white crowd exactly what they want to hear, that they’re the victims. He told them, “I am your retribution.”

Retribution for what? Losing an election? Failing at a coup? Liberals making you fat? No, that was McDonalds.

Trump, who plays the victim card daily, told the white audience that they’re victims, which is what they want to hear. White conservatives claim they’re the most persecuted group in world history never mind that throughout most of history, white people were the persecutors. Colonization was started by white people and going back to Rock’s jokes about Meghan Markle when it comes to racism, the royal family is the Sugarhill Gang, the “O.G. of racism.”

“Selective Outrage” could be the slogan for the Trump 2024 presidential campaign.

I’ll give Chris Rock’s special a B while Trump’s deserves an F. At least Rock brought new material. Trump, who told over 30 lies during his speech, played his greatest hits. We’ll keep hearing those “hits” of grievances and lies over the next two years. What we probably won’t be seeing is a lot of new Will Smith movies.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Florida Man

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday

I drew this Friday before I had the idea for my last cartoon on DeSantis that also featured Trump and Mickey. That cartoon was on the Florida bill that would require bloggers to register with the state if they write about elected officials. This cartoon is more about Trump versus DeSantis for the Republican nomination.

There were two Republican conventions over the weekend that featured dueling speeches and messages from Trump and DeSantis. Trump spoke and lied at CPAC while DeSantis spoke at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. But there was another speech (of sorts) over the weekend that I found contrasted with what Trump said that I found more interesting, and you’ll see that in the cartoon I’ll post later today.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Person, Woman, Man, Camera, Nikki

Nikki Haley is running for president and I can’t take her seriously. Apparently, neither is the Republican Party because she’s only polling at four percent behind Trump, Ron DeSantis, and Mike Pence. If you’re behind Mike Pence in a Republican primary, a guy Republicans wanted to murder two years ago, you’re not going to be president.

I can’t take Nikki Haley seriously because she wobbles too much on positions that you can’t take her seriously. Even political candidates have a right to change their minds but most people change their opinions on a subject once, not multiple times.

Nikki Haley once said the Confederate flag wasn’t racist and was mostly about heritage. She also supported Confederate Heritage Month in South Carolina, equating it with Black History Month. After years of punting on the issue of the flag, she finally came out in favor of removing it after a white supremacist mass shooter killed nine in a black Charleston church. Jump to 2019, and she’s back calling it a symbol of “service and heritage.”

In 2016, she supported Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign and said we must resist the “temptation” of the “siren call of the angriest voices” in reference to Donald Trump. She laughed at an event she hosted where Rubio made jokes about Trump’s tiny penis (the one Stormy Daniels said looked like a toadstool with Yeti pubes). Months later, Nikki was all aboard the Trump train. After Trump was handed the presidency by a Russian disinformation campaign, she answered the siren call of the angriest voices and joined the Trump administration to help him push a very stupid foreign policy. You’re still stuck on that toadstool with Yeti pubes description, aren’t ya?

Haley said she wouldn’t run for president if Trump was a candidate. Yesterday, she announced her candidacy.

She’s running on her foreign policy experience which she gained working for the guy she’s running against. What foreign policy was that? It’s the foreign policy where we kissed Putin’s ass, tried to destroy NATO, waged war against Canadian cheese, tried to buy Greenland, gave Kim Jong Un a platform and legitimacy on the world stage, engaged in a tariff war, helped cover up a murder by the Saudi Crown Prince, and discovered Puerto Rico is an American territory.

She accused President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris of calling the United States a racist country, which they’ve never done (I have). She said we’re not a racist nation while refusing to campaign under her real name which is Nimarata Randhawa. Expect Donald Trump to start using “Nimarata” any day now. Nimarata, if he does, just called him “Yeti Pubes.” That should nip it in the toadstool.

She joined her fellow Republicans and attacked Democrats and educators for “wokeness.” She claimed the left was hateful while she was pushing the culture war.

She promised to end corporate welfare which must be something other than actual corporate welfare because Republicans LOVE corporate welfare.

And then she promised term limits and to enact “mandatory” competency tests for all candidates above the age of 75. Donald Trump is 76. Sure, it was also a stab at Joe Biden but she didn’t work for him. Also, despite Russian talking points fed to Republicans and Ted Rall, there’s nothing wrong with President Biden’s competency. Did you watch the State of the Union address? But there is something wrong with Donald Trump’s competency and it didn’t just start when he turned 75.

Donald Trump is a hateful vile racist person, but there’s also something wrong with his brain like they buried the seeds for his hair implants too deep. Anyone who brags about their cognitive tests is covering for something…like the fact there was a need for a cognitive test. Remember “person, woman, man, camera, TV”?

Donald Trump calls himself a stable genius, but we’d settle for competent.

This is a man who claimed he was voted Michigan’s Man of the Year, which never happened. He claimed he watched on TV New Jersey Muslims celebrating 9/11 on September 11, 2001, which nobody can find a recording of.

He thought Frederick Douglass was still alive and said he “is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”

He believes exercise is wrong and that a body is like a battery, born with a finite amount of energy.

After giving a speech to the Boy Scouts, he claimed the head of the organization called him and said it was “the greatest speech that was ever made to them,” except the Boy Scouts said no phone call ever happened.

He believes you need a government ID to purchase cereal.

He said a hurricane was “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water.”

He thought the CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, was named “Tim Apple.”

He thinks the moon is part of Mars.

He believes there are invisible airplanes.

He thinks climate change is a hoax created by China.

He suggested we inject bleach to fight covid.

He believes there were airports during the American Revolution.

He thinks windmills cause cancer.

He thinks the kidney is in the heart.

He once referred to Barron Trump as “Melania’s son.”

He thinks “Obamagate,” whatever that is, is a crime.

He believes Finland prevents forest fires by raking forests.

He also thinks Finland has forest cities as if they’re Ewoks on Endor.

He hired Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell to be his lawyers.

So my question for Nikki is, “Why did you wait so long before calling for Trump to take a competency test?

Nikki is wrong. We can’t be prejudiced against older people and believe everyone at a certain age needs to take a competency test. That is ageist. Sure, age should be questioned during a campaign, but we shouldn’t stereotype and demean people because they hit a specific number. Does Nikki believe her own competency should be questioned when she turns 75?

Nikki is 51 and I think we should start questioning her competency now.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Something To Smite About

I am so looking forward to the impending Trump/DeSantis war. DeSantis is trying to blow off Trump’s attacks as just “noise” because he knows it’s too early to attack Trump. Nobody but Trump needs to start officially running for president right now. DeSantis and everyone else can wait about a year before creating official campaigns. DeSantis is exhibiting just how better disciplined he is than Trump by holding off for now, but the time will come when DeSantis will have to run against Donald Trump, and that will require attacking him.

Donald Trump is a god for the Republican base and they have become a cult. DeSantis is very popular with the same base, but how will the cult respond when DeSantis attacks their deity? I hope he goes the Marco Rubio route and tells them Trump has a tiny penis.

That’s it for today’s blog, kids. It’s Sunday and I spent about six hours on this cartoon. I’m flying back to the east coast in the morning and I have a lot to do before that. Later.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Hunter 2024

Donald Trump and his ilk believe he can’t be investigated, indicted, or prosecuted if he’s a candidate for the presidency. If this is true, then expect every lawbreaker under investigation in the future to declare he or she is a presidential candidate. And, they won’t even have to wait until it’s campaign season. Donald Trump didn’t and announced his candidacy the week after the midterms. Now, Donald Trump will be officially running for president for two straight years…unless he’s in prison. But even then, he might continue as a candidate.

Now, Donald Trump will claim any investigation of him is political because he’s a presidential candidate, and President Joe Biden is sicking the government on him because it’s the only way to stop him. Except, he was under investigation before he announced his candidacy. Joe Biden can stop him without sicking the government on him because he did it before and beat him legitimately in the 2020 election. Trump was the only one who tried to use the power of the presidency to go after his opponents, such as extorting Ukraine for dirt on the Bidens and having his Attorney General Bill Barr appoint Special Counsel John Durham to investigate Hillary Clinton’s campaign, which is still going after two years despite not proving anything. And there’s the uncomfortable factoid for MAGAts that Donald Trump is an actual criminal.

Speaking of politically-motivated investigations brings us to Hunter Biden’s laptop which was first reported on in 2020 by The New York Post, though it wasn’t given much attention at the time because it was reported by The New York Post and they didn’t have much to go on. Even the reporters who wrote the story refused to put their names on it because journalistically speaking, there was nothing there.

Most stories on the laptop that were initially repeated only said there was a laptop that once belonged to Hunter Biden. That alone made people start screaming. Donald Trump even tried to bring it up during a debate with Joe Biden. “Well, your son owned a laptop.”

Over the past two years, legitimate media outlets have acknowledged that there is indeed a laptop and The Washington Post even hired experts to go over a copy of the hard drive who authenticated parts of it. This week, CBS News did the same thing.

What they have found is that much of the information on the hard drive is authentic and did come from Hunter Biden.

So now, Republicans who will have a slim majority in the House in January are promising investigations into Hunter Biden and they’re going to use this laptop as part of it. They get to point out that it actually once belonged to Hunter and lots of stuff on it is authentic. But, what’s on it? What has been authenticated?

The laptop came into GOP possession through a MAGAt who owns a computer repair shop in Delaware. He claims Hunter dropped it off for repairs and never paid for the repairs and abandoned the laptop. So the repair shop goon did what any concerned individual would do who’d want a legitimate and credible investigation into something, and gave it to… wait for it… Rudy Giuliani.

But before Rudy could get his hands on it, the FBI picked it up because they were investigating Hunter for lobbying for a foreign government without registering as a foreign lobbyist and for possible tax evasion. In fact, they’re still investigating him. So, what Rudy got was a copy from which he sent further copies covered in farts and hair dye to the goon universe. If this laptop is ever produced as evidence in a court trial, it will be dismissed pretty quickly.

So even if everything on the laptop is legitimate, what’s on it that implicates President Biden in a crime? Well, nothing. I mean, Republicans have yet to produce anything that shows a crime being committed by anyone, even Hunter. They haven’t even found downloaded Nickelback songs on the laptop. Even the bad stuff they claim, like photos of Hunter with underage girls, has turned out to be a lie. There are also rumors that there’s a pic of Hunter in the nude, but hell, even Reagan’s daughter posed for Playboy, so no crime there unless he was naked in a Starbucks.

This just in! Hunter’s laptop has a picture of Hunter naked in a Starbucks! Impeach his dad now! I can assure you from personal experience that Starbucks will make you put on pants while in their stores.

What is proven on the laptop is that Hunter was working on a business deal in China AFTER his father was vice president. There’s an email about bringing a “big guy” in on the deal, which everyone assumes is Joe Biden. And there’s a reply to that from Hunter saying the “big guy” doesn’t want any part of the deal. Then, there’s a voicemail saved to the hard drive from Joe Biden himself. Yeah, now we’re getting somewhere? What does that message say? Was it Joe Biden providing bank account numbers where to deposit bribes from foreign governments, or laying out plants to go pantless in Starbucks? No, it was Joe Biden telling his son to seek help for his drug addiction because he loves him very much. So…Aha! Joe Biden is a man who cares about his son and wants him to get help for his drug addiction. Can we impeach him for that? You never heard a voicemail from Donald Trump telling Jr. to seek help for his cocaine addiction. I’m not saying Donald Trump Jr has a coke addiction, I’m just saying we never heard that voicemail from his father.

But, even if the laptop proves Hunter is a criminal, he’s not Joe Biden. He’s not in a government office. He’s not the president. He doesn’t even work in the White House.

Surely Hunter did profit from being his father’s son when he got a job for Burisma, a Ukraine energy company, but that’s not illegal. If it was illegal to make money from your father’s name while he’s in office, then JaVanka would be answering a lot of serious questions regarding how they made $640 million while Trump was president (sic) and while they worked in his administration.

There are questions about Hunter trying to make a business deal in China, which he failed at, but also isn’t illegal. Did you know that Donald Trump owns businesses in foreign countries? Did you know that Donald Trump continued to make money off foreign governments while he was president (sic)? Did you know that it’s legal to own a laptop?

So, I’m going to tell you what I’ve told you in previous blogs. Anytime you hear someone talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop, ask them, “What’s on it?”. If they tell you, then they’re lying (like Ted Rall when he said the laptop incriminates Joe Biden without telling us how). It doesn’t matter if it’s a real laptop that really belonged to the president’s son once upon a time, you need something incriminating on it to go after someone.

And despite there not being a damn thing on it that even suggest illegalities, Republicans are about to start spending millions of your money investigating Hunter and Joe based on this insignificant laptop. They can’t even tell you what crimes they’re investigating. They’re going to Benghazi the fuck out of this laptop.

If Republicans really cared about the rule of law, then they’d investigate the guy who attempted to extort a foreign president for dirt on his political opponent, or an attempt to steal an election, or an insurrection, or stolen classified government documents, or sexually assaulting women, or Jared for receiving $2 billion from Saudi Arabia immediately upon his resignation from his White House job where he worked on government deals with Saudi Arabia.

What we’re going to get from a Republican House majority are investigations by the goons who engage in coverups.

I think Hunter should declare his candidacy for president just to fuck with them.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Four More Coups

Welcome to the first day of the 2024 campaign season.

If Donald Trump really believes the last election was stolen and the election didn’t work, then why is he going through the trouble of going through another election? If I take my car through a carwash and it comes out with pigeon crap all over it, I’m not gonna go through that carwash again. The only reason for Trump to run for president again when he believes, as he stated last night, that our democracy is a “rigged and corrupt system,” is to use the 2024 election as a vehicle for another coup attempt.

Seizing power isn’t just one of the several reasons Trump announced his candidacy for the 2024 election last night. One of my readers on GoComics titled the Trump comeback attempt “Loserpalooza Grifting Tour 2024.” Trump has a history of grifting his supporters. To raise money from his gullible goons over the past two years, he’s used fighting to be reinstated (he was not reinstated), to fund campaigns for other Republicans (which he did very little of), and to fight the political attacks against him by the FBI and DOJ (they’re not political). Now, he gets to raise money as a political candidate, but let’s use last night as an example of how that works into another grift.

Trump made his announcement at Mar-a-Lago. This was a campaign event. I’m sure Mar-a-Lago charged the Trump campaign to host this event. For the slow kids, the money you gave Trump for his campaign or Super PAC went to the venue owned by Trump and then went into Trump’s pocket. This is what we refer to as a grift.

Records from Trump’s former accounting firm, Mazars USA, were released two days ago by the House Committee on Oversight and Reform. The disclosure shows that six nations spent over $750,000 at Trump’s Washington hotel during his presidency (sic). China, Malaysia, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, and the United Arab Emirates would spend $10,000 a night in order to influence the Trump White House (sic). Qatar spent more than $300,000 over three months ahead of a meeting between Trump and the country’s emir. So when Trump sat down to talk to that guy, he was probably aware that he had just given him over $300,000. These are just six of the nations that patronized a Trump property while he was in office. The Washington Post estimates that his trips to Mar-a-Lago alone cost taxpayers over $64 million.

At $64 million, that’s one dollar for every bedbug found at Trump Doral. Or at $130,000 to silence porn stars he raw dogged in Vegas hotel rooms, $64 million would pay off 493 Stormy Daniels. And MAGAt goons want an accounting of every dollar we spent on Ukraine, please.

Another reason Trump’s announcing this early is that he believes he can’t be indicted by the Department of Justice for the coup attempt, or the stealing of classified information, or by Georgia for election fraud, and for everything else he’s being investigated for. Since Donald Trump’s white nationalist terrorists defecated in the halls of Congress, I believe any sentence Trump receives should include picking up dog poop in Washington D.C.’s public parks. Hey, who’s that fat orange guy bagging dog doo-doo in Farragut Square?

And another reason he’s announcing this early is to scare off other potential Republican candidates, like Ron DeSantis. But if anything, Trump has potentially created an exciting moment for when DeSantis does announce, because it’ll be new and fresh after Trump has spent months being the only candidate barking out the same boring lies. Ooh, when he does announce, I hope DeSantis wears the white boots.

Boring? Did I mention boring? It couldn’t have been boring because last night, I turned on Fox News for a few minutes and saw Mike Huckabee and Jim Jordan telling Sean Hannity that it would be impossible to beat Trump because he was on a huge roll of dynamic energy or some shit like that. Sean, Huckabee, Jordan, and a few other goons were going on and on about how incredible Trump’s speech was that they weren’t actually paying any attention to. What?

Yeah, Fox News cut away from Trump’s speech to talk about his speech. The fear for Fox News was that their viewers might actually hear it…or fall asleep while hearing it. This is like me making a giant bowl of pasta with my amazing sauce, putting it across the room where you can see it, but not letting you have any of it. Instead, I’ll just describe it and tell you how amazing it is. Just take my word for it. The meatballs are amaze-balls. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Last night, all the pundits were pointing out that Trump was attempting to duplicate what Grover Cleveland accomplished and be just the second former president to win the presidency. Grover Cleveland was elected to the presidency in 1885 and he lost his reelection attempt in 1889. Four years later, in 1892, he came back and won the presidency again. Not only did he win the presidency, but he beat William McKinley, the man who defeated him in 1889. Trump isn’t just trying to do what Cleveland did by winning back the presidency, but also by defeating the man who defeated him, President Joe Biden.

But after listening to his speech last night, or at least the parts I didn’t fall asleep to, Trump is more likely to duplicate the history of the five other former presidents who attempted to retake the White House than he is to duplicate Cleveland’s feat.

Trump’s speech was boring. Sure, he was reading off a teleprompter but it was like the guy couldn’t see the periods. It was one long run-on sentence of lies.

It wasn’t shocking that MSNBC didn’t air any of his speech live, but it was a little of a surprise that CNN gave up and went to analysts during his speech. But it was an even bigger surprise that Fox News stopped airing it live and instead, brought us the fawning analysis of Mike Huckabee. Fox News wanted their readers to trust that it was an exciting speech instead of viewing it and seeing it as the snore-fest it actually was. Jeb Bush tweeted that it was “low energy” and hashtagged #SleepyDonnie.

It was an extremely long speech. In fact, he might still be delivering it.

You might be thinking it only seemed boring on TV and to truly appreciate the dynamic energy and enthusiasm, one would have had to be there. We could always ask the people who were there if only the Trump Campaign would unlock the doors and let them out. That’s right. Several people tried to flee before they yawned themselves to death but were foiled in their escape attempts by locked doors. That was probably a violation of a lot of fire codes and definitely the stuff of my nightmares.

I was in a room during a Trump speech once and fortunately, the doors were not locked and my companion and I were able to flee the scene during all the seig heils when nobody would notice. But even if they had locked the doors, no Trump Campaign workers would have been able to prevent me from leaving.

It’s the lack of energy and enthusiasm coming from Trump that makes me believe he’s not going to duplicate Grover Cleveland, and instead follow the paths of Martin Van Buren, Millard Filmore, Ulysses S. Grant, Theodore Roosevelt, and Herbert Hoover (Yes, I have ninja research skills, y’all). Each of these five former presidents attempted a comeback to retake the White House after leaving it. What all five failed to do wasn’t just win back the White House, but win their parties’ nominations. Each of their parties said, “Nah, uh-uh, we’re good, thanks but no thanks,” and “seriously, Fillmore? What the fuck?”

Maybe instead of trying to be like Grover Cleveland, other than being tied with him for second-fattest president (Cleveland didn’t have a Dr. Ronnie Jackson to lie about his weight but he did have a doctor who’d give him secret jaw surgery on a yacht off the coast of Long Island), Trump should try to do what president John Tyler did.

John Tyler also lost the presidency after one term, took 16 years off, then attempted a political comeback by running for a seat in Congress…the Confederate Congress.

Sure, John Tyler was a traitor, a former U.S. president joining the enemy, but Trump’s a traitor too. Donald Trump is beholden to Russia and tried to overthrow our government. And we all know how much Trump loves Confederate statues and defends Nazis and people in white hoods, but the Confederacy isn’t around anymore. Maybe Trump can run for office in the government of one of our enemies that still exist, like Russia or North Korea. Tyler won a seat in the Confederacy and maybe Trump can sit in the Duma, the Russian Congress. They can call him the Duma Dumbass. It’s catchy.

Just be careful, Sleepy Donnie. Tyler won the election in his political comeback but died before he could assume his treasonous office. Don’t worry, Donald. I’ll let everyone know you’re not dead…and that you’re just giving another speech.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Get Your Popcorn

The popcorn imagery is a bit old and a cliché in political cartoons, but I couldn’t resist this image. It’s another idea I came up with the night before and that woke me up this morning as even in my sleep, my brain was trying to figure out how to put it together. I have a weird brain.

The thing I love about this is that Democrats are going to get their popcorn and relish the fight between Trump and DeSantis. The only way it’s not going to happen is if one of these racist walking turds chooses not to run for president, so yeah. It’s happening. These egos will collide.

Let’s compare the two men.

On Tuesday night, DeSantis won his reelection and he won big. He won Miami-Dade County, being the first Republican to do so since 2002. Republicans won all the cabinet positions in the state and now have a supermajority in the legislature. Their representation in congress, formerly a 16-11 advantage over Democrats, is now 20-8. Florida is moving further to the right but keep in mind that the state was awarded two new congressional districts from the 2020 census and DeSantis personally rewrote the congressional district map, which a right-wing court went to sleep on. Also, keep in mind that DeSantis’ opponent in his race was the most boring man the Democratic Party could find. It’s almost like they sent Terry McAuliffe down to Florida to run against him, but he looked a lot like Charlie Crist.

But Florida is turning into a fascist Republic that DeSantis says is “where woke goes to die.”

Republicans nationwide are starting to gravitate toward DeSantis. The Facebook page of the right-wing goon cartoonist that I use as a barometer of Republican vile and awfulness posted praise of DeSantis’ “woke” comment and added, “boom,” not really understanding how “boom” is supposed to work. He also added a bit about Florida being for freedom lovers or some shit like that even though he lives in the midwest. But if Florida is where woke goes to die, isn’t that killing freedom? If you understand what woke is, yes. It’s killing freedom.

But, that’s exactly what MAGAts want. Is DeSantis better at MAGAing than Trump?

When you look at the results from Tuesday, DeSantis is the big winner and Trump is the biggest loser. Most of Trump’s candidates lost on Tuesday. So who’s a better choice for MAGA in 2024.

Both men are vile, racist, sexist, homophobic, and just truly deplorable slimy lying human beings. Both men dream of being fascist dictators. But, DeSantis wins and has more discipline. Does this make him the favorite? No, because Republicans are stupid sycophants.

DeSantis is the better choice for the Republican Party over the guy who lost the popular vote in 2016 and 2020 and also lost midterms in 2018 and watched most of his personally-picked goons goes down in 2022. DeSantis has the difficult task before him of convincing sycophants to change their idol worship from Trump to him. Trump doesn’t really have accomplishments or policy positions he can explain, while DeSantis does, but that’s not what the MAGA base wants. The MAGA base wants racist simplistic rhetoric without details, which is where Trump shines. The base never did question while chanting “build the wall” exactly how Trump was going to get Mexico to pay for that wall. They didn’t even ask questions when Trump started to make them pay for it. They don’t even ask questions when a con man gets indicted for swindling them in a build-the-wall pyramid scheme. DeSantis may have to get dumber to win MAGA over Trump.

DeSantis has about a year and a half to do this. He has to beat Trump by being the most racist godawful simplistic goon possible, then run to the center after the primaries because we learned Tuesday night that the majority of America doesn’t want to vote for assholes. Unfortunately for DeSantis, like Trump, he is a HUGE asshole.

What this means for the rest of us… we have to stock up on popcorn. I’m gonna do a mix of movie theater butter and kettle. What’s your popcorn poison?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

The Morning After Midterms 22

Near the end of every election, political cartoonists will draw cartoons saying, “Thank God we won’t see any more campaign ads.” Some of the cartoonists who draw these are my friends and people I respect, and I have probably drawn these in the past myself, but I hate them. It’s generic and they kinda both-sides everything. Not all campaign ads are created equal.

I get that one reason they do it is because you have to stop drawing on the election before the election if you draw for newspapers, and you need something else to draw for like two days before the election. Professional political cartoonists have to give their newspaper clients something on the election without knowing the results, or just give them something that’s not on it. Today, several cartoonists who are confused and believe they work for social media will continue to draw election cartoons. You know who you are.

But campaign ads by themselves don’t annoy me. Lying campaign ads annoy me. When I see lies being told about defunding the police, parents’ rights, Critical Race Theory, or even when they go on about real issues like crime, inflation, and gas prices but don’t offer any solutions, that’s when campaign ads annoy me.

When you wake up tomorrow morning, there probably won’t be any more campaign ads, but you’ll still have the Kars-4-Kids ads. You’ll still have commercials of lawyers screaming about Camp LeJeune’s toxic water. You’ll still have Ice-T and Chris Berman trying to sell you car warranty insurance. You’ll still have those vest-wearing gutter fuckers trying to sell you bullshit (climbing ladders is dangerous). Those annoy me more than political campaign ads.

And what annoys me even more than all those commercials combined is the death of democracy. That’s really gonna piss me off.

Live blog: I’m going to live-blog the election tonight and all the cartoons will be going live on Twitter and Instagram. No Facebook because I’m still serving my 30-day suspension. I’m not going to be updating this site with each new one but will instead post them all here when I’m done. So, if you wanna follow the live blog, follow me on either Twitter and Instagram, or both.

Music note: Butthole Surfers

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Jackass Protest

I believe in this cartoon and I stand by it, but I’m a little uncomfortable with it. It’s important for me to call out the truth, and that is there are a lot of Democrats unhappy with Joe Biden. I’m uncomfortable giving them any support at this time, but mostly I’m uncomfortable that this cartoon is one a lot of MAGAts will love. Ugh. MAGAts.

The one thing I’m not cool with is that I know Biden isn’t going to push hard against the murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi while in the presence of Mohammed bin Salman.

During his 2020 presidential campaign, then Candidate Biden pledged to make Saudi Arabia a “pariah” and refused once in office to speak with Mohammed, seeking to punish him with isolation. Now, he’s about to sit down for a chit-chat with the defacto ruler of Saudi Arabia and the man U.S. intelligence says ordered the hit on Khashoggi’s life.

Despite what Republicans are saying, Biden is not going to Saudi Arabia to ask them to sell us oil. We have plenty of oil here. What he’s going to push for is an increase in their production because despite what Republicans believe and think they know, gas prices are an international issue, not just domestic. Unfortunately, the reality is that President Biden has to sit with a murderer to do this.

When asked if he’s going to bring up the murder of Khashoggi to MBS, Biden took a walk around the question without answering it saying, “My views on Khashoggi have been made absolutely, positively clear. I have never been quiet about talking about human rights.” He said that his “position on Khashoggi is so clear — if anyone doesn’t understand it in Saudi Arabia or anywhere else, then they haven’t been around for a while.”

That means he’s not going to bring it up. Biden is going to be somewhere between confronting MBS and doing Trump’s sword dance with the murderer.

Biden’s real trouble isn’t with Jamal Khashoggi’s killer. It’s with voters and his own Democratic Party.

Inflation is not Joe Biden’s fault, but Biden is president and while it’s unfair to blame him for rising prices (blame Trump), it’s his job to get them down. Other voters want him to do something to save abortion rights but there’s very little a president can do to walk around Supreme Court verdicts. It will take Congress to pass abortion rights in every state, which they will not do because there are too many of them who are cowardly jackasses. But, when/if the GOP retakes Congress, you can expect their first agenda will be to ban abortion in every state and territory. Remember, everything Republicans say are lies, including “state rights.”

A lot of Democrats want a different nominee in 2024 and for Biden to ride off into the sunset when his first term is done.

Biden says Democrats want him to run and cited a New York Times poll saying 92 percent of Democrats would vote for him. What he left out is important and that is 92 percent of Democrats would vote for him if the election were held today and it was between him and Donald Trump.

That’s like asking a Democrat if the election were held today, who would he or she vote for if the only choices were Joe Biden and a moldy old racist pro- birther dishwashing sponge covered in ketchup, castor oil, fish scales, and orange pubic hair. At the very least, eight percent of Democrats would have to think about it.

While 92 percent of Democrats would choose Biden over Trump today, 64 percent of Democrats want a nominee who is not named Joe Biden. And 94 percent of Democrats between the ages of 18 and 29 definitely want someone other than Biden to be the nominee.

Let’s face facts, Joe is old. Yeah, he’s in better shape than Donald Trump. He can jog, ride a bike, climb stairs, and go from one room to another without the use of a golf cart, but he’s still old. President Biden will be 81 years old on election day in 2024. Look for Republicans, including Donald Trump, to make a lot of noise about this even though Trump himself will be 77 on election day.

And that’s the danger Democrats face in 2024. What if Trump is not the Republican nominee? Sure, despite President Biden having an approval rating of around 39 percent at this moment (the worst of any elected president at this point in his presidency since the end of World War II), most Americans will still choose him over Donald Trump, who never got above 50 percent approval during his four years of tyranny. But, what happens if Republicans nominate a younger shinier racist in 2024? What if they choose a guy, while just as narcissistic, petty, and hateful as Donald Trump, isn’t as stupid, is literate, and doesn’t spew as much racist gibberish (his racism comesin loud and clear)? What if Republicans nominate Ron DeSantis? Yeah, ew that guy.

If Republicans had to choose today, they’d pick Trump over DeSantis. But, there is a primary contest and 77-year-old Trump may not be in physical shape for such a long grueling campaign. DeSantis is. Republicans may find a way to change their minds after several debates between the two. While the cult belongs to Trump, keep in mind that Republicans are not loyal and are extremely forgetful. The same former Never Trumpers who swore they’d never back Trump, then backed him, could turn back around and support a new guy and say they never did like Trump to begin with. Do you really believe Ted Cruz is a man of his word?

And don’t forget the stupidy of the American voter. Look at Virginia. My state went strongly for President Biden, Hillary Clinton, and twice for President Obama, then elected dog-whistling lying Glenn Youngkin. Voters are stupid and forgetful, especially the moderates.

While Republicans will always vote for racist candidates, you can trick moderates into doing so. Ron DeSantis will run on some parents’ rights bullshit and dog-whistle his ass off about Critical Race Theory and convince a majority of moderate voters to vote for him. then about a week after the election, all those moderates will go, “Oh yeah….that’s why we don’t vote for Republicans.”

Can President Biden and his 39-percent approval beat a dog-whistling Ron DeSantis in 2024, or do we need to nominate someone younger?

Let’s say yes, and if that’s the case…who?

Music note: I listened to the Foo Fighters’ “Wasting Light” album and some Evanesence while drawing this.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw: