Mike Pence

Where’s Mike Pence?


cjones05032020

Where’s Mike Pence been? Yesterday, he was at the Mayo Clinic.

Pence, who leads the White House’s Coronavirus Task Force visited the clinic yesterday and violated their policy that everyone who enters has to wear a face mask. He also violated the guidelines of the…wait for it…White House’s Coronavirus Task Force. Is there really a task force or is it just as empty a gesture as Pence’s photo-op yesterday at the Mayo Clinic?

Why didn’t Pence wear a face mask? Does he think he’s better than everyone else? In a photo where he’s talking to doctors, staffers, and patients, he’s the only person not wearing a mask. Did he not wear one because Donald Trump doesn’t? Once, when Donald Trump moved a glass of water from the table to the floor, Pence quickly followed and did the exact same thing. Pence, who interrupts his own lies to praise the “leadership” of Donald Trump will one day have his photo in dictionaries for “sycophant.”

In a tweet, the Mayo Clinic said Pence and his staff were aware of the policy before they entered. That tweet has since been deleted.

Mike Pence defended his position with mind-boggling stupidity in an extremely pompous statement exhibiting his disrespect to the clinic and indifference to the seriousness of the situation. Mike Pence and Donald Trump have an extremely hard time faking empathy.

Pence said, “I didn’t wear a mask because President Trump doesn’t wear a mask, and I need to follow suit and appear like a tough guy as well. Wearing a mask will just undercut our argument to reopen the nation, which we’ve issued contradicting statements for, but yet our base is totally rabid about. Plus, Jesus will save me from the coronavirus…thanks to the leadership of President Trump. Also, there’s still a chance the coronavirus is a Democratic hoax, unlike gay cooties.”

OK, he didn’t actually say any of that except for the part about gay cooties. His reason for not wearing a mask is that he’s regularly tested and said, “Since I don’t have the coronavirus, I thought it’d be a good opportunity for me to be here, to be able to speak to these researchers, these incredible health-care personnel, and look them in the eye and say thank you.”

Yeah, just make sure you say it and don’t spray it, Mike.

There’s a lot to dissect here. First, with a free tip: If you enter a room full of doctors, doctors of such high standing that they work for the Mayo freaking Clinic, and they’re all wearing masks, put on a fucking mask, you selfish sycophantic moron. When you watch the movie Outbreak, you don’t see Dustin Hoffman maskless and petting the monkey. You don’t want to end up like Kevin Spacey, either the one in the movie or reality.

But the first thing that occurred to me and many others is…you don’t wear the mask over your eyes. I know, they’re Republicans and IF they do happen to be smart enough to know you wear the mask over your nose and mouth and NOT your eyeballs, they’re not intelligent enough to say something stupid like they didn’t wear a mask because they wanted to look people in the eye. When that future dictionary comes out, they can use the same photo for Pence under “Dumbass.”

While not wearing a mask to look people in the eyes is stupid, it’s outright dangerous to enter a medical facility without one.

Mike Pence defends himself by saying he’s “regularly tested.” Maybe his stupidity has been caused by the cotton swab being pushed too far up his nostril. But, while Pence is regularly tested, that doesn’t mean you’re immune. It doesn’t mean you can’t catch it between the test and entering the clinic…or at one of those stupid White House press conferences where everyone’s standing shoulder to shoulder and sharing one microphone. It also doesn’t mean you can’t catch it while crawling up Donald Trump’s ass.

Republicans are in a rush to open the nation back up for business because this economy is destroying Donald Trump’s reelection bid. Not wearing a mask in a photo-op hurts the argument that the virus will just disappear because if more people follow Trump and Pence’s lead, they won’t wear masks and the resurgence of the virus will be much stronger and quicker. Guess what happens then? We close the nation again and probably just in time for the November election. I bet Vice-President Elizabeth Warren will wear a mask.

Everyone needs to wear a mask when they go out. They also need to practice social distancing. Pence is doing neither in the photo. By not wearing a mask, Mike Pence endangered the entire clinic and not just any clinic. He endangered the Mayo Clinic.

CNN’s chief medical correspondent, Sanjay Gupta, said, “When you get a negative test, that is a point in time.”

Jonathan Reiner, a cardiologist who treated former vice president Richard B. Cheney, told CNN Pence’s actions were “so wrong, so tone-deaf.” He said, “The vice president wouldn’t disrespect a synagogue and not wear a skull cap when he walked into a temple or he wouldn’t refuse to remove his shoes when he walked into a mosque. Hospitals are our new holy places and he’s completely disrespecting the sacrifice that the nurses and the docs and the staff in hospitals make by not wearing a mask. What is he saying to them?” I don’t know, Pence might enter a synagogue without a skull cap or a mosque without…wait. Pence wouldn’t enter a mosque anymore than he’d visit the Tenderloin. Actually, that’s when he’d wear a mask.

What Mike Pence is saying to the staff at the Mayo Clinic is that he doesn’t give a fuck. Mike Pence promotes himself as a Christian and Jesus freak while serving a man who boasts about grabbing women by their “pussies.” He serves a man who’s cheated on all three of his wives and paid off porn stars and Playmates through dummy corporations. He serves a man who can’t say a sentence without a lie in it. Mike Pence ignores the Ten Commandments in favor of Trump’s Commandments. He is a phony and he’ll sell anything and anyone out for his ambitions. That includes his phony principles and the safety of everyone at the Mayo Clinic.

While Mike Pence may be looking them in their eyes saying “thank you,” the lack of a mask says, “I don’t really care about you, your patients, or all the work and sacrifices you’ve put in fighting this virus and saving lies.” What Mike Pence told the entire nation is, “I really don’t care, do you?”

Anand Swaminathan, a doctor, tweeted, “Not wearing a mask isn’t about being brave. It’s about being pompous, arrogant + self-absorbed. It’s anti-science. The mask isn’t to protect you. It’s to protect everyone else from you, VP. It’s clearly showing that he doesn’t care about anyone else.”

Do Mike Pence and Donald Trump believe people don’t need protection from them? Because guess what. This entire nation needs protection from Trump/Pence.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

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Reopening-The-Country Task Force


cjones04172020

Dr. Anthony Fauci said we could reopen the country in May. Will Dr. Fauci still be working for the government at that time?

Yesterday, Dr. Fauci conceded that a quicker response to the coronavirus pandemic could have saved lives. This morning, Donald Trump retweeted a tweet with a hashtag to “fire Fauci.” Fauci has committed the crime of not just disagreeing with Trump but telling the truth. While firing Fauci will get Trump condemnation and criticism from normal people, his base and Fox News will pick up the mantle that Fauci was disloyal.

In this administration, loyalty to an orange ego is more important than saving lives. Trump’s tweet proves that serving his ego and narcissism is more important than saving lives.

On Friday, Donald Trump revealed he was creating a new task for to focus solely on reopening the country. Trump said it would consist of “very good” doctors, business people, and members of Congress, and governors. Thank God he’s not planning to appoint any bad doctors. No word on whether the business people and politicians will be good ones.

During a rambling press conference that lasted over two hours where the creation of the task force was the only new news, Trump said, “This is beyond economic. I call it the ‘opening our country task force’ or ‘opening our country council,’ so we don’t get it confused with the primary White House task force.” The guy can’t even settle on a name but he’s the deciding factor on when the nation reopens? We’re all going to die.

There’s a lot of concern Trump is impatient about restarting the economy. Go read a few posts from right-wingers and Trump cultists and you’ll see the direction is on opening the country now…with great anger that it was ever shut down to begin with. There is deep concern Donald Trump, who is an idiot, will push to reopen the nation too soon, which would be like pouring gasoline on a coronavirus fire.

Donald Trump is the first president in the modern era to lose 3 million jobs a week two weeks in a row. He’s watched the stock market fall. He was slow to react to a virus that may end up killing at least 60,000 Americans. But he wants your ass at Walmart and baseball games.

Trump said the task force will be bipartisan. What does he consider bipartisan? Will he appoint his stupid daughter, Ivanka to the board and say that’s bipartisan because she was a Democrat before being told she had to switch parties to vote for her dad in New York’s Republican primary (she and her two idiot brothers actually missed the deadline and weren’t able to vote for Daddy in the primary)?

Since Trump is creating the task force now, does that mean he’ll say it’s safe to open the nation tomorrow?

Donald Trump was warned about the virus in early January. While he claimed impeachment distracted him, it didn’t stop him from playing golf or holding MAGA rallies. After being warned multiple times, he finally declared a state of emergency on January 31, two days AFTER establishing the White House Coronavirus Task Force.

While that task force has Dr. Fauci, Dr. Deborah Birx, and Surgeon General Jerome Adams, it also has assorted nuts like Mike Pence (who chairs it), Ben Carson, Ken Cuccinelli, Larry Kudlow, and Steve Mnuchin. Behind the scenes, Trump’s idiot son-in-law is running a shadow coronavirus task force, which might also be the reopening-the-country task force. With this group, the only people who are sleeping well at night are Trump cultists who haven’t seen his latest polling numbers…or Joe Biden’s.

The one good piece of information is that Donald Trump does not have the authority, like he believes he does, to order governors to reopen their states. Sure, he has influence and Republican fucknut governors in the south will do whatever he says because unlike Dr. Fauci, they don’t work with facts.

The problem with Trump is that he’ll probably only appoint people to the new task force who will tell him what he wants to hear. He’s not looking at the numbers of cases and deaths. He’s looking at polling and economic numbers. He’s looking at being a failed one-term president…instead of a failed two-term president.

Keep in mind, this is a man who appointed his daughter and her husband as his advisers. He’s put his son-in-law in charge of Middle East peace and immigration. He appointed people to his cabinet like Ben Carson, Betsy DeVos, and Rick Perry. If he ever did own an NFL team, he’d draft Ryan Leaf.

We’re all going to die.

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This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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The Grim Toady


cjones03182020

What’s up with Mike Pence? He’s an adult, a grown man. He has a wife, a daughter, a pet bunny named Marlon Bundo. He probably pays taxes even…maybe. So what’s up with the constant toadying?

During any speech or comments by members of Donald Trump’s administration, they have to divert from the subject at hand to lavish praise on Donald Trump. Usually, the praise is for something imagined or managing a chaos he created. Except Mike Pence doesn’t divert from the subject to toady up to Trump. He diverts from toadying to talk about the subject. Mike Pence is an ass man. He loves the ass.

Mike Pence is an ass-kisser, a toady, bootlicker, suckup, lickspittle, flunky, fawner, sycophant, brown noser, apple polisher (I just learned that one), lackey, lapdog, and a yes man. He is the head zealot of the Trump cult. There are videos of Pence sitting next to Trump at a table, and when Trump moves the glass before him an inch or two, Pence quickly does the same with his eyes on Trump. Somewhere, your teacher’s pet from elementary school is saying, “damn.”

But yesterday during Trump’s declaration of a national emergency, Pence spoke several times. One of those times was dedicated solely to praising Trump and he may have broken his previous record for kissing Trump’s ass. Pence is real big on starting a statement with  leadership” and “President Trump…” That’s nauseating enough but yesterday’s session may have required a hosing down afterward.

Pence started with, “Thank you, Mr. President. This day should be an inspiration to every American, because thanks to your leadership from early on, not only are we bringing a whole of government approach to confronting the coronavirus, we’re bringing an all of America approach. Mr. President, from early on you took decisive action. You suspended all travel from China, you created travel advisories to South Korea and Italy. We screened all travelers from all airports in both of those countries. And on the unanimous recommendation of your health experts, you at midnight tonight will effectively suspend all travel from Europe and Americans that were returning will be screened and asked to voluntarily participate in a 14-day quarantine.”

Never mind the fact that Donald Trump has totally fucked up the response to the virus in service of his own self-interest. If you hadn’t thrown up by that point, it got worse. Pence continued, “Throughout this process, Mr. President, you’ve put the health of America first, but you brought the best of America to address it. And it’s not just at the federal level. As you said, Mr. President, we’ve been working with states across the country. We issued broad guidelines from the CDC for every American. But this week at your direction, we tailored specific recommendations from CDC for New York, Washington State, California, Massachusetts and Florida. And we’ve been in continuous contact, as you said, with governors around the country. Mr. President, you have forged a seamless partnership with every state and every territory in this country to put the health of our nation first.”

Whew! Finally, it stopped. Wait. No, it didn’t. It went on. “But today, I trust that people around the country that are looking on at this extraordinary public and private partnership to address the issue of testing with particular inspiration. After you tapped me to lead the White House Corona Taskforce, Mr. President, you said this is all hands on deck and you directed us to immediately reach out to the American business sector, commercial labs to meet what we knew then would be the need for testing across the spectrum. And today, with this historic public- private partnership, we have laid the foundation to meet that need. For Americans looking on, by this Sunday evening, we’ll be able to give specific guidance on when the website will be available.”

Thank God that’s over because he finally came up for air and…nope…“But it’s all a result of you tasking us with bringing together not just government resources, which all state labs can now test across the country. CDC is testing. But you said, Mr. President, that we wanted to bring all the resources of the country together and that’s what this partnership really means. Truth is that we have coronavirus cases now in 46 American states and while the risk of serious illness of the coronavirus remains low, we want to encourage every American to practice common sense, practice good hygiene, go to the CDC’s website to see what the guidance is for your community, or for the American people broadly. And as the President has said, it’s especially important now that we look after senior citizens with chronic underlying health conditions.”

It’s like the shark in Jaws. It’s coming back around! “Last week the President directed the Center for Medicaid and Medicare Services to raise the standards in our…” Oh, for fuck’s sake. You get the idea. Mike Pence kisses a lot of ass. It might possibly be the one area where Trump doesn’t have enough ass.

I know Mike Pence has heard the criticism, jokes, and mocking of his ass-kissing, but has he seen and heard himself? Does he not have a problem with the entire world seeing him as a man without dignity? What do his wife and daughter think of this slavish worship? What does Marlon Bundo think? They probably know ass-kissing is second nature to Pence and he’s incapable of saying something nice about someone without putting his mouth on them. He even kissed the cruise line industry’s ass yesterday when he said, “as the President said, the American people cherish our cruise line industry” We do? But look at the skill in ass-kissing Pence displays there. He managed to kiss Donald Trump’s ass while his mouth was on a trajectory to kiss the cruise line industry’s ass. And he did it in one sentence. He should really teach a class. Kellyanne, on one knee will suffice. Willy, more pucker!

His ass-kissing needs play-by-play commentary: It looks like he’s going in to kiss the ass of the cruise line industry, Griff, but will he be able to squeeze in a smooch to the presidential derriere on the way? I don’t think so, Tom as it’s a longshot for even….WHOA, did you see that move? He did a spin around the cruise line industry, got a mouthful of the orange ass with a full reacharound before planting a big wet one on the love boat. It’s an ass-kissing hat trick! Once again, school the ass-kissing competition. Lindsey Graham just threw in the towel. Oh, I think Lindsey will be back to suck up again, Tom. Did you see the way he trampled over Devin Nunes?

Does Mike Pence hear the jokes and criticism? When Elizabeth Warren was asked about having her own Mike Pence, she said that she already has a dog. Does Mike Pence know he’s the dog? Does he know dogs don’t even want to be associated with him? It’s probably why he has a bunny (who probably doesn’t know he’s Mike Pence’s rabbit). No dog wanted to be Mike Pence’s dog. They’d rather be in one of those sad homeless skinny dog commercials with Sarah MacLachlan music playing over it.

I wonder how Mike Pence survived as a governor. He was the boss. Who did he suck up to? Jesus? I can’t imagine how Pence ever survived without being a sycophantic follower, because he wasn’t born to lead. He was born to suck up, toady, and kiss ass. Did anyone kiss Pence’s ass? If so, how much of a lowlife is that person? Has anyone ever looked at Mike Pence the way Mike Pence looks at Donald Trump? I often wonder how low you have to sink and degrade yourself to worship Donald Trump, but what kind of soul-less human worships Mike Pence (other than Indiana religious fundamentalist political cartoonist Gary Varvel)?

The biggest thing about Mike Pence kissing Donald Trump’s ass for his handling of the Coronavirus outbreak is that Donald Trump has been a total and utter failure. He’s proven American wrong in making him president. He’s the wrong man for the job and ill-equipped to do anything beyond taking care of himself. The first priority of the Trump administration has been and always will be to take care of Donald Trump. So, when Mike Pence first came on board, was he told by someone it’s mandatory to kiss Trump’s ass or did he just take it upon himself?

Some people don’t suffer fools and don’t tolerate ass-kissing, even when it’s their ass receiving the kisses. Shortly after I was hired by the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, I once gave my editor a legitimate compliment on a column she wrote. She said, “Stop kissing my ass. You got the job.” I figured she was half-joking so I said, “OK. The column sucked.”

But other people reward fools. Shortly after arriving in Fredericksburg at The Free Lance-Star, my editor invited me, my then-wife, and the assistant editorial page editor over for dinner. At one point, my editor said it was our job to make the publisher happy. The assistant editor said, “I consider it my job to make….you happy.” On the way home, my wife, who is one of the most observant and intuitive people I’ve ever known, mentioned the extent of the sucking up by the assistant editor, focusing on that quote. “Damn, Jim’s ass-kissing totally ruined my appetite. How are you able to work with such groveling lickspittles?” I had been surrounded by it for a few weeks so I wasn’t even noticing it anymore but after her comment, I couldn’t unsee it ever again.

My editor at The Free Lance-Star just so happened to love having his ass kissed. Hell, he was an ass-kisser himself. He’d even kiss my ass which I always found strange since he was my boss. You’re supposed to suck up, not suck down. He also screamed at me too, quite often, so it was very much like Jekyll and Hyde. If he kissed my ass one day, I expected to be screamed at the next. But funny thing, his biggest ass kisser, who now works at a right-wing fuck-nut think tank, who proudly claimed without any shame that it was his job to make our editor happy, was constantly “motherfucker this” and “motherfucker that” when the editor wasn’t around. How much do you want to bet Mike Pence is the same?

Here’s the thing about ass-kissers. They don’t really like that ass. They’re not loyal. They’re only kissing your ass because they think it’s how they advance to the point of having their ass kissed, or even merely to survive. They don’t have faith in their skills and abilities to do the jobs they were hired for. While they obliviously don’t have any respect for themselves, they especially don’t have any for the ass they’re kissing. Oftentimes, it’s rewarded. Other times, they’re given the treatment they deserve.

Donald Trump is not loyal. We’ve never seen an American president feud with so many former staffers, each previously described as “the best hires,” as Trump has. Jeff Sessions illustrates two points here perfectly. He’s an ass kisser. He was the first Senator to kiss Trump’s ass in endorsing him. He wore a MAGA hat at that rally in Mobile. Eventually, Sessions was fired for doing his job. Today, Sessions is in a runoff for his old Senate seat and he’s still kissing Donald Trump’s ass. And Donald Trump…wait for it…has endorsed his opponent. In case you’re an ass-kissing Republican, let me point out the two points of this: Kissing Donald Trump’s ass didn’t pay off for Sessions and Donald Trump does not return loyalty.

So, you can bet your own ass that if Trump sees a change in the landscape for his reelection and believes he needs a stronger candidate as veep to secure his reelection, Pence is gone. I’m waiting to see what Trump does after Joe Biden picks a woman as his running mate. Biden will pick a woman. Will Trump react by dumping Mike Pence for Nikki Haley? Nikki’s done her own share of kissing Trump’s ass. How will Pence act in the future?

Funny thing, all these ass-kissers initially wanted someone other than Trump. Mike Pence endorsed Ted Cruz (and the guy kissed Cruz’s ass?) Nikki Haley endorsed Marco Rubio. I know average, ordinary, everyday Americans who opposed Donald Trump who now worship the guy. What did Trump change? Nothing. They changed. They gave up their dignity.

You can be nice, cordial, and complimentary of someone without giving up your dignity and being a servile ass-kisser. But that’s impossible if you don’t have confidence or belief in yourself…or any dignity or self-respect to begin with. And to kiss the ass of a racist, grifting conman with worms for brains requires a total lack of dignity and self-respect.

Mike Pence doesn’t have dignity or self-respect. He will always be an ass man but he won’t always be a Trump ass man. Down the line, he’s going to be critical of Trump and try to remove all guilt and blame from himself for today’s disaster, especially after Donald Trump throws his ass under a bus. But during that time in the future, he’ll have a new ass to kiss which will be at some right-wing college or think tank because he’ll have used up all his credits for public service by then.

Mike Pence is an ass-kisser. Don’t be like Mike Pence. Stay away from the ass, especially the great big orange ones.

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Brains


cjones03172020

Fabio Wajngarten is the press secretary for Brazilian right-wing President Jair Bolsonaro. Last weekend, he was at Mar-a-Lago grinning it up for a photo next to Donald Trump and Mike Pence all splendid looking in his “Make Brazil Great Again” hat (why don’t any of these lunatics think their countries are already great?). Yesterday, Fabio tested positive for the coronavirus.

And CNN just reported, Fabio got facetime with Ivanka, too, and no news agencies have reported this yet, but I’m pretty sure she has to kiss Jared occasionally. And we all know what Donald Trump wants to do with her.

This is at least the third person we know about who got facetime with Trump before discovering they had mingled with someone testing positive for coronavirus. In case you’re a Republican, testing positive is not good. If anything, you’re positively an idiot.

Trump rode on a plane with Congressman Doug Collins, who is now in self-quarantine. He shared the same air with idiot fratboy congressman Matt Gaetz who likes to wear a gas mask everywhere except where he can actually contract the virus. Last week, Donald Trump was at CPAC, a convention of conservative assholes that’s germier than Courtney Love in the men’s room at a bus station. Now, Donald Trump has actually hobnobbed with someone who tested positive which means he’ll never be in the same room with a brown person ever again.

But, Donald Trump isn’t worried that he may have coronavirus. Neither is Pence. Trump said, “We did nothing very unusual, we sat next to each other for a period of time.” Nothing unusual except sitting next to an infected person for a period of time. Stephanie Grisham, the White House press secretary who has yet to hold a press briefing, said, “Both the President and Vice President had almost no interactions with the individual who tested positive and do not require being tested at this time.” Really? Do you want to take Stephanie Grisham’s word that you don’t need to be tested? You might want to get a second opinion, and not from a sycophant. There was almost no interaction but they did manage to capture a photo of it.

She also said, “The White House Medical Unit and the United States Secret Service has been working closely with various agencies to ensure every precaution is taken to keep the First & Second Families, and all White House staff healthy.” Really? It doesn’t look like any precaution was being exercised in that photo. Case in point: Infected fucker allowed into Mar-a-Lago. Is this the same White House Medical Unit that says Trump is six feet two, only 240 lbs., and fit as a fiddle and could live up to the age of 200 (we might find out soon)? Is this the same Secret Service that let a Chinese national into Mar-a-Lago under the pretense of going for a swim, who was carrying four cellphones, a laptop, an external hard drive, and no swimsuit?

Usually, when someone comes into contact with Trump or breathes the same air, they’re the ones who will want to get tested. But Trump, unfortunately, is president of the United States (sic). He should be tested so he can be healthy and continue to make godawful decisions that destroy our nation’s economy. So, after coming into contact with an infected fucker, why isn’t he being tested? Why isn’t this man famous for being a germaphobe not insisting on getting a test? I have theories.

He’s afraid of finding out he’s got coronavirus. Maybe sheer denial will keep it away. If you don’t see a doctor then a doctor can’t tell you bad news. This explains why his hair and face look the way they do. He never saw a specialist who could tell him, “Oh my freaking god, you got an Oompa-Loompa head transplant!”

According to anonymous White House goons, Donald Trump is terrified he may have already caught the virus from one of the assorted infected fuckers he’s been hanging out with.

Another theory is, he thinks he’s invincible. He’s Donald Trump. He’s Superman. He’s an old decrepit son of a bitch who’s afraid of rain and stairs, but he’s a tough guy. Test? We don’t need no stinkin’ tests! One of his sycophants defended Trump on my YouTube page by saying, “He’s always sniffy.”

Theory number 3: He’s afraid if he’s tested, a source will leak it and his supporters, even if it’s not positive, will all be like, “Why would he get tested? He’s Donald Trump! He’s invincible. Only wimpy, socialist Democrats need to get tested.” If they find out Trump got a test, it’ll be like discovering he’s not good at negotiating, or his hair isn’t real, or that he’s overweight, or that he has to pay women to sleep with him, or that he’s told a lie or two, or he bankrupted a casino, or that his kids are idiots, or that he doesn’t know more than the generals, or that he used to be a Democrat, or that he wears more makeup than RuPaul, or he’s not actually a self-made billionaire, or…

Or, we go with theory number 4: Mike Pence just prayed it away. There’s a coronavirus force field surrounding Donald Trump placed there by God that also keeps out Mexican cooties. Unfortunately, it blurs reality and it makes you sniff a lot. I mean a LOT.

Theory number 5: He’s afraid if there’s a test that he’ll have to study.

Theory number 6 is probably the correct one: Donald Trump is an idiot with worms for brains who’s surrounded himself with idiotic sycophants and family (redundant?). He doesn’t know what he’s doing with anything and proving the case on a daily basis he shouldn’t be president.

I don’t wish for Donald Trump or Mike Pence to catch the coronavirus. I don’t wish that on anyone. But if he does catch it, it’s karma. This idiot has been talking hate for the past decade (longer really). He’s catered to the worst element among us. He campaigned on building a wall of hate, banning brown people from entering the nation, calling countries of people with a darker shade “shithole countries.” He holds hate rallies. He opens his doors to any hater willing to fawn over him. The Klan has held parades in his honor. He’s defended Nazis. He builds himself by promoting hate and fear and he props up those who do the same. He gave a Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh. So when one of these evil, low-life, sick racist bastards breath a virus into his face, he kinda had it coming. Quite frankly, he may as well lick a stripper pole used by Stephen Miller.

And you have to appreciate the irony, that after screaming about banning brown people from “shithole countries,” this virus has him banning people from white countries unless their country has a Trump golf resort in it. Trump once asked, “Why can’t we get more people from Norway?” Today, he’s banned travel from Norway.

I’ve said before that if this was the zombie apocalypse, that the fuckers in charge of protecting us from it would all be zombies by now. But if they’re the zombies from Return of the Living Dead, then Donald Trump and everyone in his administration don’t have anything to worry about, because those zombies only eat brains.

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Pray The Corona Away


cjones03042020

Donald Trump is responding to the coronavirus and he wants us to know it’s under control and he understands the science.

This is a guy who believes climate change is a hoax created in China. He claimed raking forests prevents fires. He thought the best way to put out the Notre Dame fire was to fly water tankers and dump thousands of pounds of water on the cathedral. He asked if a hurricane could be stopped by dropping a nuke on it. He thinks HIV and HPV are the same things. He tried to change the direction of a hurricane by changing its trajectory on a map with a Sharpie. But maybe we won’t have to worry about the coronavirus because we’ll all die from windmill cancer first.

Protect us from the coronavirus? Donald Trump can’t even spell “coronavirus.”

The White House’s idea to assure the public that they have the coronavirus under control was to wheel Donald Trump into the briefing room, for just the second time of his presidency, and be the face of the response. Surprisingly, that didn’t comfort anyone.

Trump relayed a few details about the coronavirus that he had just learned, like he did when he found out Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and triad means three. He gave helpful advice on avoiding the virus, like wash your hands, avoid handrails, leave the room when someone sneezes, and don’t make out with sick people you haven’t seen in a while. Seriously.

Trump displayed how delusional he was over the virus, like when he removed blame from it for the fall on Wall Street and instead, placed on the Democratic Debate, which was the day after the stocks started falling.  That’s Donald Trump for you. Takes credit for something when it’s good and cast blame when it goes bad.

Trump tried to downplay the threat of the Coronavirus by saying it was like the flu in the way it spreads. That is true, but the Coronavirus’ fatality rate is 20 times higher than the flu’s.

Other concerns about the Trump administration’s handling of this crisis is that Donald Trump fired the pandemic response team in 2018 to cut costs and didn’t replace them. He also cut the CDC’s global disease outbreak prevention efforts by 80%, which included the agency’s efforts in China. Now, he’s asking for $2.5 billion to confront the outbreak. Maybe he should take all the funding from the Defense Department since that’s where he’s raiding all the money his racist border wall vanity project from (that was supposed to be free).

To top it all off, Donald Trump then appointed Vice-President Mike Pence to lead the Coronavirus response team. Mike Pence, who once advocated funding gay-conversion therapy programs and who as governor of Indiana, slashed public health spending and delayed the introduction of needle exchanges which lead to that state’s largest outbreak of HIV, which Trump probably thought was HPV. Pence also wrote in 2000 in an Op-Ed that “smoking doesn’t kill.”

Yes, boys and girls. Donald Trump and Mike Pence are putting their combined knowledge and belief in science into protecting our nation from a coronavirus pandemic. Yes, boy and girls…we’re all going to die.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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A Trumpian Supper


cjones11242019

Yesterday, Gordon Sondland, Ambassador to the European Union, testified that he followed Donald Trump’s orders to pressure Ukraine to announce an investigation into Joe and Hunter Biden and that other top officials knew.

There is no argument that Donald Trump wanted Ukraine to investigate the Bidens and promote the debunked conspiracy theory that it was that nation and not Russia that meddled in the 2016 presidential election. Trump’s request is in the so-called transcript of his call with Ukraine and he’s made public statements wanting China to investigate the Bidens. It’s also a fact that asking a foreign nation to help your political campaign is illegal, even before you get to a “quid pro quo,” bribery or extortion.

Trump’s supporters argue that he’s concerned about corruption in Ukraine and he was concerned about sending tax dollars to a corrupt nation. If he’s concerned about corruption in Ukraine, then why did he ask Ukraine to investigate his political opponent? Wouldn’t Ukraine be too corrupt for that? As for the money, he approved it. It was approved by a bipartisan vote in Congress and signed by Donald Trump. If he was concerned about Ukraine being too corrupt to receive American money, then why did he approve it? The fact is, he was withholding it as bribery. He never asked Ukraine about corruption. He only asked about the Bidens. As it was revealed yesterday, Ukraine knew they hadn’t received the money.

Sondland testified that he followed the directions of Rudy Giuliani. Republicans will now try to throw Giuliani under the bus. Unfortunately, Giuliani has been all over television stating how he was in Ukraine working for Donald Trump. Unfortunately, the so-called transcript has Trump asking Ukraine’s president to talk to Rudy Giuliani. The evidence is there that Trump sent Giuliani to run a “drug deal” in Ukraine.

Ambassador Sondland said Trump doesn’t care about Ukraine, and that he only cares about the “big stuff” in that nation. Not big stuff like war with Russia, but big stuff like investigating Joe Biden. Yesterday, Sondland said others were “in the loop.” He was talking about White House Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney (who’s admitted there was a quid pro quo), Secretary of State Mike Pompeo )who’s too much of a coward to defend his staff from Donald Trump), Energy Secretary Rick Perry, and Vice-President Mike Pence.

Republicans like Jim Jordan argue that Ukraine got their money so there isn’t a crime. If you rob a bank then return the money, there is still a crime. The Trump administration gave Ukraine the money only AFTER Congress started looking into the whistleblower complaint. Ukraine also wanted an Oval Office meeting for Zelensky. He still hasn’t received that.

Trump has asked a foreign nation to assist his campaign. He used taxpayer money to extort Ukraine. He’s obstructed justice by not allowing his people, like Mulvaney, Perry, Pence, Pompeo, and John Bolton to testify. He’s intimidated and harassed witnesses, even while they’re testifying. Republicans don’t believe Trump’s offenses amount to being worthy of impeachment, yet they impeached Bill Clinton over a blowjob.

If election meddling, bribery, extortion, obstruction, and witness tampering aren’t impeachable offenses, then what is?

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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The Magic Mikes


cjones10212019

Maybe I’m just naive and don’t understand diplomacy or foreign policy, but it seems to me if you’re going to have a successful ceasefire, then both sides have to agree on the definition of “ceasefire.”

Donald Trump, the self-described “stable genius” and “great negotiator” with “unmatched wisdom,” sent sycophant Mike One and sycophant Mike Two to Turkey to negotiate an agreement with President Recep Erdogan to stop killing Kurds. Pompeo and Pence emerged after a nine-hour negotiation with Erdogan that Turkey has agreed to stop killing Kurds for five days to give them time to leave a 20-mile “safe zone,” and that the Kurds must surrender their heavy weaponry and fortifications. What the Kurds get out of this is that they have five days to run before Turkey shoots them in the back while they’re running.

Reuters is reporting that the border is calm at this time, but within the first 24 hours, shelling and airstrikes against the Kurds continued. Erdogan blamed the Kurds though independent reporters and observers reported airstrikes and shelling coming from Turkey. But, Donald Trump backed Erdogan in blaming the Kurds. In fact, despite the “tough guy” letter Trump sent to Erdogan, he’s adopted the Turkish tyrant’s language when talking about the Kurds.

Erdogan has described the Kurds as terrorists and Trump has parroted that Turkey is fighting terrorism in Syria. Erdogan has claimed ISIS prisoners are being released intentionally by the Kurds, and Trump has echoed that. Erdogan claims the PKK, Kurdistan Workers’ Party, is a greater threat than Isis. Right on cue, Trump has made the same claim.

He’s taking Vladimir Putin’s talking points also in saying Russia is fighting ISIS when in reality, they’ve spent most of their time in Syria fighting rebels, often backed by the U.S., who are fighting Syria’s dictator Bashar Assad. This is Trump’s defense of giving Russia more clout in the Middle East while reducing the United States’. As Nancy Pelosi told him to this face earlier this week, “all roads lead to Putin.”

Trump started the Turkish invasion by pulling U.S. forces out of Syria on a whim after a phone call with Erdogan. Within hours, Turkey was invading Syria and targeting Kurdish fighters previously supported by the U.S. Donald Trump believes he’s solved a crisis he created.

The groups fighting in Syria now are Assad’s forces, the Kurds, Turkey, Russia, and Iran. Trump’s pullout is a win for each of them except the Kurds. At one of his hate rallies in Texas, Trump compared the fight to kids in a schoolyard and said, “Sometimes you have to let them fight a little while.” He also said he had given the Turks and Kurds a lesson in “tough love.” Hopefully, it didn’t involve a copy of Forbes Magazine with Ivanka on the cover which he’ll have to pay hush money to keep silent about later. Trump also claimed the Kurds are “very happy about the way things are going” and that the U.S. has “taken control of the oil in the Middle East.” Nobody understands what he meant by any of that.

Kids in a schoolyard fighting can’t be compared to an actual war where lives are lost and a refugee crisis is created. If the Kurds are “happy,” they’re not aware of it yet. And the oil, what the fuck? Trump’s comments are further evidence he needs to be removed from office.

Right now, every nation that wants to take advantage of the United States, friends and foes, needs to negotiate with Donald Trump. His negotiations with North Korea gave the U.S. nothing in return for legitimizing Kim’s regime and a cease in U.S. military preparedness on the Korean peninsula. His negotiations with Nancy Pelosi got him nothing when he started with something. His deal with Erdogan has given Turkey, Russia, and Iran everything, and even Assad a little something, but nothing for the Kurds or the U.S. If Iran was smart, they’d renegotiate the nuclear agreement with Trump, get clearance to build nuclear weapons, and maybe get a few Trump condos thrown into the deal.

Donald Trump is an idiot and he sent two idiots, Mike and Mike, to Turkey to wash Erdogan’s car. My question is, what else of Erdogan’s did they wash?

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.