Mike Pence

Trump Swingers


Cjones10122021

Mike Pence is a worm and he’s always been a worm. But for one shining moment, for him at least, it seemed he had re-grown his backbone, or grown a first one, and stood up for the nation, democracy, and the United States Constitution. The man who probably snored praises for Donald Trump, who had replaced Christ with Donald Trump, who couldn’t state three sentences without inserting the term “thanks to Donald Trump’s leadership,” and who is probably still trying to brush the taste of Trump’s ass out of his mouth, stood up and finally put something before worship to all that is Donald Trump.

Mike Pence had shed whatever dignity he had before 2016 to be Trump’s lap poodle, lickspittle, toady, flunky, minion, apple polisher, yes man, brown noser, fawner, doormat, sycophant, first-in-line ass kisser.

The vice president presides over Congress’ certification of presidential elections. Donald Trump wanted Pence to use this position to overturn the election by not allowing the certification. Donald Trump told the angry mob at a hate rally before the attack on the Capitol,I hope Mike is going to do the right thing. I hope so. I hope so.”

“Because if Mike Pence does the right thing, we win the election. All he has to do, all this is, this is from the number one, or certainly one of the top, Constitutional lawyers in our country. He has the absolute right to do it. We’re supposed to protect our country, support our country, support our Constitution, and protect our constitution.”

“All Vice President Pence has to do is send it back to the states to recertify and we become president and you are the happiest people.”

And I actually, I just spoke to Mike. I said: “Mike, that doesn’t take courage. What takes courage is to do nothing. That takes courage.” And then we’re stuck with a president who lost the election by a lot and we have to live with that for four more years. We’re just not going to let that happen.”

After Mike Pence refused to refuse the certification, the Trump mob attacked the Capitol. Pence and his family were evacuated, and then Trump tweeted to his mob, “Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution.”

Trump knew the mob was inside the Capitol. Instead of calling them off, he was giving them targets. Donald Trump sent an angry mob with nooses to go after the man who had spent the past four years groveling at his feet, supporting his lies, and aiding in the destruction of the country.

Donald Trump literally tried to have his vice president murdered. Why is Donald Trump not in prison?

Mike Pence spent four years performing as someone who would sacrifice himself for Donald Trump, but when that moment came, he ran for his life. Donald Trump did nothing to call of the mob with nooses from killing Mike Pence.

Donald Trump is a racist lying treasonous piece of shit and Mike Pence, well, he’s still a worm.

While talking to Sean Hannity on Fox News last week, Mike Pence said, “I know the media wants to distract from the Biden administration’s failed agenda by focusing on one day in January. They want to use that one day to try and demean the character and intentions of 74 million Americans who believed we could be strong again and prosperous again and supported our administration in 2016 and 2020.”

Pence, you demean yourself. Donald Trump lost the election fairly. While 74 million Americans voted for him, 81 million voted for President Joe Biden. You lost and you know it, or at least you did that “one day in January.”

Mike Pence, the worm, has joined the rest of the ridiculous Republican cowards who’ve spent the past ten months downplaying this attack. For Pence, it was just “one day in January.” It was one day in January white supremacist terrorists, encouraged by Donald Trump, tried to destroy democracy.

You guys are still losing your shit over protesters for attacking a Target in Minnesota over the murder of George Floyd, but the attack by white nationalists on the citadel of democracy was just “one day in January.” Really?

And now we’ve learned that doing the right thing was only the last resort for Mike Pence. He was seeking a way to do just as Donald Trump asked, which was to toss out a free and fair democratic election, destroy democracy, disobey a duty mandated by the United States Constitution, and install Donald Trump as a fascist dictator. And who talked Mike Pence out of doing that? A guy who can’t even spell “potato.”

After criticizing Donald Trump for the riot and attack on democracy, Nikki Haley and Kevin McCarthy both went groveling back to Trump. Mike Pence is now doing the same. It might be working because Trump praised Pence while also throwing an ass-kissing bone to Hannity.

Trump said, “Vice President Mike Pence’s statement during his interview with the great Sean Hannity very much destroys and discredits the Unselect Committees Witch Hunt on the events of January 6th.”

Did I mention the Trump mob, while inside the Capitol, was chanting, “Hang Mike Pence”? Donald Trump didn’t mention that.

It happened one day in January.

Story time: I don’t expect many of my clients to publish this cartoon because of the imagery.

Back in the day when newspapers still had some money and would annually grant raises, they also did performance reviews. During one review, I got a raise and was commended for my work while my editor received a criticism from his boss for something I did. They scolded my boss for allowing a lynching cartoon of mine to be published on the opinion page. And this scolding came several months later. It came off like I was a monkey and not responsible for my actions. You know you can’t leave him alone in the kitchen. He’ll put forks in the microwave.

Little did either of us know there was a company policy not written down anywhere that there was to be no references to lynching in the newspaper. Even though the issue was lynching, as our newspaper had reported our then-senator, George Allen, had a noose in his office as a souvenir, probably because he’s racist. So, I drew a cartoon on something reported in our paper, and my boss got in trouble for letting me do it.

I was OK with that. I got my three percent raise. But, I never got to draw another noose for The Free Lance-Star again. Cowards.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

TrumpFly


CNN01032020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

When I bounced this off my editor, he asked if I was playing off the 1980s version of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. I told him I was referencing the original more since that movie made “help me” famous. Goldblum does say “help me” in the 80s version, but it’s not the iconic one that made it famous. Still, a lot of people may not be thinking of the 1950s one when they think of The Fly.

To be honest, I’ve never seen the 50s version but it’s so iconic, I’m well aware of “help me” in a high pitched voice. Still, I looked up the iconic “help me” scene from the 1950s version, and after being jaded, desensitized and inoculated to movie violence throughout my life, I gotta say…that scene creeped me the F out. It made my skin crawl.

But still not as creepy as Mike Pence and is fawning adoration of Donald Trump. In fact, all MAGAts are creepy. But cults tend to be that way. They’re like Children of the Corn without the corn, or that movie where all the children had glowing eyes.

Donald Trump is pressuring Mike Pence to reject ballots tomorrow when he presides over Congress certifying the electoral college. He’s confused in that Mike Pence doesn’t actually have that power. And thank god he doesn’t. If Mike Pence did that power, would he use it to disenfranchise millions of voters and steal an election and create a fascist state?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Good Mike, Evil Mike


cjones01062021

Vice-President (sic) Mike Pence will preside when the Senate and House meet Wednesday, January 6, to certify the presidential election. It’s a role every vice-president takes. Four years ago, Joe Biden presided over the Congressional certification of Donald Trump’s victory (ugh). There have been a lot of questions over what Pence will do. There is very little he can do. He will be about as effective with this as he was leading the Coronavirus Task Force.

At least 140 House Republicans plan to object to the election result. At least 13 Senate Republicans will do the same. Their objections are based solely on debunked conspiracy theories. They argue for “election integrity” while lacking Congressional integrity. These members of the House and Senate are trying to stage a coup and steal an election. They will be about as effective with this as Mike Pence was at making Donald Trump a godly man. So, what will Mike do?

He’s already signaled support for the members of Congress who will object. On Saturday, his Chief-of-Staff issued a statement saying Pence “shares the concerns of millions of Americans about voter fraud and irregularities in the last election.” Never mind the fact there was no voter fraud or irregularities. The greatest example of election fraud has come from the White House.

The statement from Pence’s office continued with, “The Vice-President (sic) welcomes the efforts of members of the House and Senate to use the authority they have under the law to raise objections and bring forward evidence before the Congress and the American people on Jan. 6th.” Uhhhhhhh….what evidence? They will be as effective at producing evidence as Mike Pence was with promoting gay-conversion therapy.

At a fucknut hate rally in Georgia today, Pence said, “I promise you, come this Wednesday, we’ll have our day in Congress. We’ll hear the objections. We’ll hear the evidence.” We’d have better luck at finding Mike Pence’s integrity.

We will all have our day in Congress. Mostly, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will have their day in Congress. Why? Because they won the election. Republicans believe they’re going to overturn this election, but they’ll have as much luck with that as I have with not vomiting in my mouth every time Mike Pence calls the woman he sleeps with “Mother.” Ew.

Pence said we’ll “hear the evidence” come this Wednesday. The only evidence we heard of election fraud was from the tape of Trump begging and demanding the Georgia Secretary of State to overturn an election, give him imaginary votes, and thwart democracy, or else he’d send him to prison.

What will happen Wednesday will be a bunch of Republicans creating a shit show to shit on democracy for political expediency. They will further divide this nation. Instead of doing the right thing in certifying an election, even the winner they didn’t vote for, which Congress has always done…Republicans plan to attack democracy. But they’ll be about as successful attacking democracy as Mike Pence was at upstaging that fly.

I have to say, there’s nothing Republican about destroying a republic. The GOP is now a cult.

Joe Biden will be certified as our next president this Wednesday. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be inaugurated on January 20. The most intriguing part of Wednesday for me will be when it’s time for the vice-president (sic) to announce the winner. I’m making popcorn.

As for which version will show up on Wednesday, Good Mike Pence or Evil Mike Pence, spoiler alert! There is only Evil Mike Pence.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are currently 11 copies of my book on hand, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00. (If you have already ordered and waiting, they’re going out tomorrow).

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Goodbye, Turkeys


cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Pence Fly


cjones10122020

If you heard a little tiny high pitched voice during last night’s debate saying, “Help me,” it wasn’t the fly. It was Republican senators going down with this administration. Thom Tillis, Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and Martha McSally, who was never elected in the first place, are all buzzing around Mike Pence’s head saying, “Help me.”

I paid close attention to the debate last night. Kamala Harris was expected to prosecute the Trump administration. Mike Pence was expected to deflect, lie, and be condescending and wormy. And though I tried to pay attention, I lost all focus for two plus minutes of the debate. Why was I distracted for over two minutes? Because that’s how long a fly was attached to Mike Pence’s white head.

I was mesmerized. When is the fly going to fly away? Will it leave? Is it stuck to whatever component Pence uses to fossilize his hair? What the fuck is going on with the fly and Mike Pence’s hair! AAAAAAGGGHHHHHH! FLY!!!!

Finally it left, but before it did, it had its own Twitter account. The internet lit up over the fly. If you run outside right now and ask someone for their first impression of last night’s debate, they’ll mention the fly. My readers on Facebook were demanding I draw a fly cartoon. At first, I thought, “Nah. This is an internet thing and that doesn’t always translate to the rest of the world….holy shit. Everybody’s talking about it.”

As soon as the debate was over, on MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, Joy Reid, and Nicole Wallace talked about the fly. When Brian Williams came in, he talked about the fly. On CNN, Anderson Cooper, Chris Cuomo, and Don Lemon were talking about the fly. Over on Fox News, they were talking about the best pumpkin spice recipes for a brisk Autumn afternoon.

Before going to bed around 1:00 A.M, I knew I had to draw a fly cartoon. It’s funny that before the debate, I was wondering what would come out of it for me to draw. I never expected it to be a fly on a Trump goon’s head.

As they say, flies are attracted to shit. And whenever you defend Donald Trump and the “accomplishments” of his administration, you’re talking shit.

And just as he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignored reality. Mike Pence told Senator Harris, “you’re entitled to your own opinions but you’re not entitled to your own facts.” He said this twice ignoring the FACT he is the main butt poodle for a man who has told over 20,000 lies.

Just like he tried to pretend the fly wasn’t there, Mike Pence, the evangelical, pretends he’s not goon number one for Mr. Grab Them By The Pussy.

Just as he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignores the fact the Trump administration throws children into baby cages.

Just like he paid no attention to the fly, Mike Pence pays no attention to the fact over 210,000 people have died from the coronavirus.

As he ignored the fly, Mike Pence, head of the Coronavirus Task Force, ignores safety protocols. The woman he sleeps with whom he calls “Mother,” ignored safety protocols and the debate rules last night by coming onto the stage without a face mask.

Just like he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignored the rules of the debate, talking over his time limit, talking over the moderator, Susan Page, and talking over his opponent, Senator Kamala Harris.

Just like he ignored the fly, he ignored all respect toward Senator Harris and Ms. Page. He ignored respect for the American people, using them as if criticizing the Trump administration’s failure over containing the Trump Virus is somehow attacking the American public.

Fortunately for Mike Pence, Senator Harris and Ms. Page also ignored the fly on his white head. They also ignored the cold sore around his mouth. Herpes much? Mother should have kept her mask on. They ignored the pink eye. Mother should have worn goggles. Quite frankly, someone should have taken his pulse. The guy looked like death and flies were literally landing on him. Can zombies speak other than saying, “Brains”? Except for this zombie, he ain’t got any.

A CNN poll said Kamala Harris won the debate, 69% to Pence’s 39%. Personally, I think the fly came in second. The worm came in a distant third.

Mike Pence is a coward. Mike Pence is a worm. And just like all members, supporters, and cultists of this administration, he’s full of shit. And that’s why flies are attracted to him.

Bzzzzz.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Here Comes The Worm


cjones06302020

Yesterday, the White House Coronavirus Task Force held their first briefing in 8 weeks. You do remember those, right? As it turns out, Dr. Deborah Birx has not been abducted by aliens. These briefings were ended after Donald Trump suggested everybody drink bleach and Drano to kill the coronavirus.

But, the administration was forced to say something about the virus since the first wave won’t go away, southern states fucked up by reopening too fast with some starting to scale back (no alcohol in bars in Florida and Texas), cases are increasing, but most of all, because Donald Trump is about 15 points behind Joe Biden in national polls and behind him in every swing state. He’s even behind Biden in places like Texas, Georgia, and Mississippi. And Biden has rarely left his house.

Donald Trump has been a huge failure with handling the coronavirus. As cases decrease in first-world countries, they’re increasing here. Right now, Haiti believes we’re a shithole country.

Donald Trump won’t push masks, instead, pushing conspiracy theories. He’s staged two rallies in states where cases are spiking. He refuses to accept the number of cases or deaths as facts. He’d rather scream about antifa, demonstrate to his base he can lift a glass of water with one hand (with some difficulty), and yell racist terms in churches. To be fair, it was just one church.

So who did they trot out for yesterday’s press briefing on the virus? Mike Pence. It went about as well as could be expected. If you weren’t sick before watching it, you were after. It was also a good opportunity for a jaded, pessimistic cynic like me to practice shouting at his TV.

Mike Pence has to be the most squeamish, sycophantic, ass-kissing, shitweasel toady worm in the history of Washington, D.C. Yesterday’s briefing proved it.

First, the worm comes out and says, “as we stand here today, all 50 states and territories across this country are opening up safely and responsibly.”

No, they’re not. You lying weasel shitfuck. While Texas and Florida have closed their bars, the Lone Star State has ordered restaurants to limit seating to 50% capacity, gatherings of at least 100 people have to seek approval, and they’ve ordered their rafting and tubing businesses to close. You can’t go tubing in Texas but you can still get a haircut. Maine has postponed reopening bars.

Bars are cesspools. Here in Virginia, I did visit a bar down the street from my apartment and masks are being worn by servers and everyone is social distancing. And the place next door that sells amazing gyros, they are not. At another bar farther down the street, NOBODY is wearing a face mask or social distancing. I’m not going back because…damn. It’s like they forgot they were all unemployed for three months and they don’t mind going back to that status.

Other states that are pausing reopening plans or extending phases are Louisiana, North Carolina, Idaho, Nevada, and New Mexico. Funny thing, most of these states are red states. Huh.

Captain Brown Nose also lied and said, “we flattened the curve.”

They only thing he flattened was his principles, pride, and his spine. What a lying goober. The United States reported 36,975 new cases on Wednesday and 41,113 new cases on Thursday, setting daily records both days. In Houston, intensive care units are out of beds. That is NOT flattening.

Then, that lying motherfucker (literally) said, “We want the American people to understand it’s almost inarguable that more testing is generating more cases. To one extent or another, the volume of new cases coming in is a reflection of a great success in expanding more testing across the country.”

Inarguable? Infuckingarguable? This might be the biggest lie that’s ever come out of the Trump administration, which says a lot. Here, Poodle bitch Pence is repeating his boss’ lie that testing creates more cases.

No, no, no, no, no!!!! Testing does not create cases. You don’t go into a clinic clean then catch it because you took a test. There are more cases of coronavirus because of the virus spreading. Not testing. No wonder Europe doesn’t want Americans to enter their freaking continent. Because our leaders are saying stupid shit like this an entire fucking continent is saying to us, “NOPE.”

Pence said, “Fatalities are decreasing all across the country.”

No, they’re not. While they have decreased nationally, you can’t say “across the country” because they’re either holding steady or…wait for it…increasing in places like California, Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, and Texas. Again, mostly red states.

And then, and then, and then, that lying white-haired constipated-looking piece of….grrrrr…advised that everyone listens to their local government for guidance. What? Did they listen to local guidance in the past two rallies where cases are spiking? Did they listen to the local government in Tulsa that said, “please don’t come here?” Did they listen to the local government in Phoenix that said, “face masks are required?” No. They held their two little hate rallies coughed spittle all over each other and contaminated the Secret Service.

And, the suck-up Trump goon did not mention face masks or social distancing, even though that’s the two main pieces of advice from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. When asked why the Trump campaign doesn’t mandate social distancing or wearing face masks at their hate rallies where the president (sic) shouts racist slurs, the most sickening, lapdog, lickspittle vice president in the history of the United States said, “Freedom of speech, the right to peacefully assemble is enshrined in the constitution of the United States. And we have an election coming up this fall.”

What the hell does any of that have to do with wearing face masks or social distancing?

We have to replace this stupid shit. Donald Trump is destroying this nation and you have people like Mike Pence enabling and helping him. A crisis, especially a pandemic, is hard enough for adults to deal with. Here, we have children. Stupid, racist children.

How anyone can still support Donald Trump boggles my mind and in fact, that in itself is an infection. It’s time to kill it.

And yes, Mike Pence is the biggest spineless worm in the history of Washington, D.C.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Where’s Mike Pence?


cjones05032020

Where’s Mike Pence been? Yesterday, he was at the Mayo Clinic.

Pence, who leads the White House’s Coronavirus Task Force visited the clinic yesterday and violated their policy that everyone who enters has to wear a face mask. He also violated the guidelines of the…wait for it…White House’s Coronavirus Task Force. Is there really a task force or is it just as empty a gesture as Pence’s photo-op yesterday at the Mayo Clinic?

Why didn’t Pence wear a face mask? Does he think he’s better than everyone else? In a photo where he’s talking to doctors, staffers, and patients, he’s the only person not wearing a mask. Did he not wear one because Donald Trump doesn’t? Once, when Donald Trump moved a glass of water from the table to the floor, Pence quickly followed and did the exact same thing. Pence, who interrupts his own lies to praise the “leadership” of Donald Trump will one day have his photo in dictionaries for “sycophant.”

In a tweet, the Mayo Clinic said Pence and his staff were aware of the policy before they entered. That tweet has since been deleted.

Mike Pence defended his position with mind-boggling stupidity in an extremely pompous statement exhibiting his disrespect to the clinic and indifference to the seriousness of the situation. Mike Pence and Donald Trump have an extremely hard time faking empathy.

Pence said, “I didn’t wear a mask because President Trump doesn’t wear a mask, and I need to follow suit and appear like a tough guy as well. Wearing a mask will just undercut our argument to reopen the nation, which we’ve issued contradicting statements for, but yet our base is totally rabid about. Plus, Jesus will save me from the coronavirus…thanks to the leadership of President Trump. Also, there’s still a chance the coronavirus is a Democratic hoax, unlike gay cooties.”

OK, he didn’t actually say any of that except for the part about gay cooties. His reason for not wearing a mask is that he’s regularly tested and said, “Since I don’t have the coronavirus, I thought it’d be a good opportunity for me to be here, to be able to speak to these researchers, these incredible health-care personnel, and look them in the eye and say thank you.”

Yeah, just make sure you say it and don’t spray it, Mike.

There’s a lot to dissect here. First, with a free tip: If you enter a room full of doctors, doctors of such high standing that they work for the Mayo freaking Clinic, and they’re all wearing masks, put on a fucking mask, you selfish sycophantic moron. When you watch the movie Outbreak, you don’t see Dustin Hoffman maskless and petting the monkey. You don’t want to end up like Kevin Spacey, either the one in the movie or reality.

But the first thing that occurred to me and many others is…you don’t wear the mask over your eyes. I know, they’re Republicans and IF they do happen to be smart enough to know you wear the mask over your nose and mouth and NOT your eyeballs, they’re not intelligent enough to say something stupid like they didn’t wear a mask because they wanted to look people in the eye. When that future dictionary comes out, they can use the same photo for Pence under “Dumbass.”

While not wearing a mask to look people in the eyes is stupid, it’s outright dangerous to enter a medical facility without one.

Mike Pence defends himself by saying he’s “regularly tested.” Maybe his stupidity has been caused by the cotton swab being pushed too far up his nostril. But, while Pence is regularly tested, that doesn’t mean you’re immune. It doesn’t mean you can’t catch it between the test and entering the clinic…or at one of those stupid White House press conferences where everyone’s standing shoulder to shoulder and sharing one microphone. It also doesn’t mean you can’t catch it while crawling up Donald Trump’s ass.

Republicans are in a rush to open the nation back up for business because this economy is destroying Donald Trump’s reelection bid. Not wearing a mask in a photo-op hurts the argument that the virus will just disappear because if more people follow Trump and Pence’s lead, they won’t wear masks and the resurgence of the virus will be much stronger and quicker. Guess what happens then? We close the nation again and probably just in time for the November election. I bet Vice-President Elizabeth Warren will wear a mask.

Everyone needs to wear a mask when they go out. They also need to practice social distancing. Pence is doing neither in the photo. By not wearing a mask, Mike Pence endangered the entire clinic and not just any clinic. He endangered the Mayo Clinic.

CNN’s chief medical correspondent, Sanjay Gupta, said, “When you get a negative test, that is a point in time.”

Jonathan Reiner, a cardiologist who treated former vice president Richard B. Cheney, told CNN Pence’s actions were “so wrong, so tone-deaf.” He said, “The vice president wouldn’t disrespect a synagogue and not wear a skull cap when he walked into a temple or he wouldn’t refuse to remove his shoes when he walked into a mosque. Hospitals are our new holy places and he’s completely disrespecting the sacrifice that the nurses and the docs and the staff in hospitals make by not wearing a mask. What is he saying to them?” I don’t know, Pence might enter a synagogue without a skull cap or a mosque without…wait. Pence wouldn’t enter a mosque anymore than he’d visit the Tenderloin. Actually, that’s when he’d wear a mask.

What Mike Pence is saying to the staff at the Mayo Clinic is that he doesn’t give a fuck. Mike Pence promotes himself as a Christian and Jesus freak while serving a man who boasts about grabbing women by their “pussies.” He serves a man who’s cheated on all three of his wives and paid off porn stars and Playmates through dummy corporations. He serves a man who can’t say a sentence without a lie in it. Mike Pence ignores the Ten Commandments in favor of Trump’s Commandments. He is a phony and he’ll sell anything and anyone out for his ambitions. That includes his phony principles and the safety of everyone at the Mayo Clinic.

While Mike Pence may be looking them in their eyes saying “thank you,” the lack of a mask says, “I don’t really care about you, your patients, or all the work and sacrifices you’ve put in fighting this virus and saving lies.” What Mike Pence told the entire nation is, “I really don’t care, do you?”

Anand Swaminathan, a doctor, tweeted, “Not wearing a mask isn’t about being brave. It’s about being pompous, arrogant + self-absorbed. It’s anti-science. The mask isn’t to protect you. It’s to protect everyone else from you, VP. It’s clearly showing that he doesn’t care about anyone else.”

Do Mike Pence and Donald Trump believe people don’t need protection from them? Because guess what. This entire nation needs protection from Trump/Pence.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Reopening-The-Country Task Force


cjones04172020

Dr. Anthony Fauci said we could reopen the country in May. Will Dr. Fauci still be working for the government at that time?

Yesterday, Dr. Fauci conceded that a quicker response to the coronavirus pandemic could have saved lives. This morning, Donald Trump retweeted a tweet with a hashtag to “fire Fauci.” Fauci has committed the crime of not just disagreeing with Trump but telling the truth. While firing Fauci will get Trump condemnation and criticism from normal people, his base and Fox News will pick up the mantle that Fauci was disloyal.

In this administration, loyalty to an orange ego is more important than saving lives. Trump’s tweet proves that serving his ego and narcissism is more important than saving lives.

On Friday, Donald Trump revealed he was creating a new task for to focus solely on reopening the country. Trump said it would consist of “very good” doctors, business people, and members of Congress, and governors. Thank God he’s not planning to appoint any bad doctors. No word on whether the business people and politicians will be good ones.

During a rambling press conference that lasted over two hours where the creation of the task force was the only new news, Trump said, “This is beyond economic. I call it the ‘opening our country task force’ or ‘opening our country council,’ so we don’t get it confused with the primary White House task force.” The guy can’t even settle on a name but he’s the deciding factor on when the nation reopens? We’re all going to die.

There’s a lot of concern Trump is impatient about restarting the economy. Go read a few posts from right-wingers and Trump cultists and you’ll see the direction is on opening the country now…with great anger that it was ever shut down to begin with. There is deep concern Donald Trump, who is an idiot, will push to reopen the nation too soon, which would be like pouring gasoline on a coronavirus fire.

Donald Trump is the first president in the modern era to lose 3 million jobs a week two weeks in a row. He’s watched the stock market fall. He was slow to react to a virus that may end up killing at least 60,000 Americans. But he wants your ass at Walmart and baseball games.

Trump said the task force will be bipartisan. What does he consider bipartisan? Will he appoint his stupid daughter, Ivanka to the board and say that’s bipartisan because she was a Democrat before being told she had to switch parties to vote for her dad in New York’s Republican primary (she and her two idiot brothers actually missed the deadline and weren’t able to vote for Daddy in the primary)?

Since Trump is creating the task force now, does that mean he’ll say it’s safe to open the nation tomorrow?

Donald Trump was warned about the virus in early January. While he claimed impeachment distracted him, it didn’t stop him from playing golf or holding MAGA rallies. After being warned multiple times, he finally declared a state of emergency on January 31, two days AFTER establishing the White House Coronavirus Task Force.

While that task force has Dr. Fauci, Dr. Deborah Birx, and Surgeon General Jerome Adams, it also has assorted nuts like Mike Pence (who chairs it), Ben Carson, Ken Cuccinelli, Larry Kudlow, and Steve Mnuchin. Behind the scenes, Trump’s idiot son-in-law is running a shadow coronavirus task force, which might also be the reopening-the-country task force. With this group, the only people who are sleeping well at night are Trump cultists who haven’t seen his latest polling numbers…or Joe Biden’s.

The one good piece of information is that Donald Trump does not have the authority, like he believes he does, to order governors to reopen their states. Sure, he has influence and Republican fucknut governors in the south will do whatever he says because unlike Dr. Fauci, they don’t work with facts.

The problem with Trump is that he’ll probably only appoint people to the new task force who will tell him what he wants to hear. He’s not looking at the numbers of cases and deaths. He’s looking at polling and economic numbers. He’s looking at being a failed one-term president…instead of a failed two-term president.

Keep in mind, this is a man who appointed his daughter and her husband as his advisers. He’s put his son-in-law in charge of Middle East peace and immigration. He appointed people to his cabinet like Ben Carson, Betsy DeVos, and Rick Perry. If he ever did own an NFL team, he’d draft Ryan Leaf.

We’re all going to die.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

The Grim Toady


cjones03182020

What’s up with Mike Pence? He’s an adult, a grown man. He has a wife, a daughter, a pet bunny named Marlon Bundo. He probably pays taxes even…maybe. So what’s up with the constant toadying?

During any speech or comments by members of Donald Trump’s administration, they have to divert from the subject at hand to lavish praise on Donald Trump. Usually, the praise is for something imagined or managing a chaos he created. Except Mike Pence doesn’t divert from the subject to toady up to Trump. He diverts from toadying to talk about the subject. Mike Pence is an ass man. He loves the ass.

Mike Pence is an ass-kisser, a toady, bootlicker, suckup, lickspittle, flunky, fawner, sycophant, brown noser, apple polisher (I just learned that one), lackey, lapdog, and a yes man. He is the head zealot of the Trump cult. There are videos of Pence sitting next to Trump at a table, and when Trump moves the glass before him an inch or two, Pence quickly does the same with his eyes on Trump. Somewhere, your teacher’s pet from elementary school is saying, “damn.”

But yesterday during Trump’s declaration of a national emergency, Pence spoke several times. One of those times was dedicated solely to praising Trump and he may have broken his previous record for kissing Trump’s ass. Pence is real big on starting a statement with  leadership” and “President Trump…” That’s nauseating enough but yesterday’s session may have required a hosing down afterward.

Pence started with, “Thank you, Mr. President. This day should be an inspiration to every American, because thanks to your leadership from early on, not only are we bringing a whole of government approach to confronting the coronavirus, we’re bringing an all of America approach. Mr. President, from early on you took decisive action. You suspended all travel from China, you created travel advisories to South Korea and Italy. We screened all travelers from all airports in both of those countries. And on the unanimous recommendation of your health experts, you at midnight tonight will effectively suspend all travel from Europe and Americans that were returning will be screened and asked to voluntarily participate in a 14-day quarantine.”

Never mind the fact that Donald Trump has totally fucked up the response to the virus in service of his own self-interest. If you hadn’t thrown up by that point, it got worse. Pence continued, “Throughout this process, Mr. President, you’ve put the health of America first, but you brought the best of America to address it. And it’s not just at the federal level. As you said, Mr. President, we’ve been working with states across the country. We issued broad guidelines from the CDC for every American. But this week at your direction, we tailored specific recommendations from CDC for New York, Washington State, California, Massachusetts and Florida. And we’ve been in continuous contact, as you said, with governors around the country. Mr. President, you have forged a seamless partnership with every state and every territory in this country to put the health of our nation first.”

Whew! Finally, it stopped. Wait. No, it didn’t. It went on. “But today, I trust that people around the country that are looking on at this extraordinary public and private partnership to address the issue of testing with particular inspiration. After you tapped me to lead the White House Corona Taskforce, Mr. President, you said this is all hands on deck and you directed us to immediately reach out to the American business sector, commercial labs to meet what we knew then would be the need for testing across the spectrum. And today, with this historic public- private partnership, we have laid the foundation to meet that need. For Americans looking on, by this Sunday evening, we’ll be able to give specific guidance on when the website will be available.”

Thank God that’s over because he finally came up for air and…nope…“But it’s all a result of you tasking us with bringing together not just government resources, which all state labs can now test across the country. CDC is testing. But you said, Mr. President, that we wanted to bring all the resources of the country together and that’s what this partnership really means. Truth is that we have coronavirus cases now in 46 American states and while the risk of serious illness of the coronavirus remains low, we want to encourage every American to practice common sense, practice good hygiene, go to the CDC’s website to see what the guidance is for your community, or for the American people broadly. And as the President has said, it’s especially important now that we look after senior citizens with chronic underlying health conditions.”

It’s like the shark in Jaws. It’s coming back around! “Last week the President directed the Center for Medicaid and Medicare Services to raise the standards in our…” Oh, for fuck’s sake. You get the idea. Mike Pence kisses a lot of ass. It might possibly be the one area where Trump doesn’t have enough ass.

I know Mike Pence has heard the criticism, jokes, and mocking of his ass-kissing, but has he seen and heard himself? Does he not have a problem with the entire world seeing him as a man without dignity? What do his wife and daughter think of this slavish worship? What does Marlon Bundo think? They probably know ass-kissing is second nature to Pence and he’s incapable of saying something nice about someone without putting his mouth on them. He even kissed the cruise line industry’s ass yesterday when he said, “as the President said, the American people cherish our cruise line industry” We do? But look at the skill in ass-kissing Pence displays there. He managed to kiss Donald Trump’s ass while his mouth was on a trajectory to kiss the cruise line industry’s ass. And he did it in one sentence. He should really teach a class. Kellyanne, on one knee will suffice. Willy, more pucker!

His ass-kissing needs play-by-play commentary: It looks like he’s going in to kiss the ass of the cruise line industry, Griff, but will he be able to squeeze in a smooch to the presidential derriere on the way? I don’t think so, Tom as it’s a longshot for even….WHOA, did you see that move? He did a spin around the cruise line industry, got a mouthful of the orange ass with a full reacharound before planting a big wet one on the love boat. It’s an ass-kissing hat trick! Once again, school the ass-kissing competition. Lindsey Graham just threw in the towel. Oh, I think Lindsey will be back to suck up again, Tom. Did you see the way he trampled over Devin Nunes?

Does Mike Pence hear the jokes and criticism? When Elizabeth Warren was asked about having her own Mike Pence, she said that she already has a dog. Does Mike Pence know he’s the dog? Does he know dogs don’t even want to be associated with him? It’s probably why he has a bunny (who probably doesn’t know he’s Mike Pence’s rabbit). No dog wanted to be Mike Pence’s dog. They’d rather be in one of those sad homeless skinny dog commercials with Sarah MacLachlan music playing over it.

I wonder how Mike Pence survived as a governor. He was the boss. Who did he suck up to? Jesus? I can’t imagine how Pence ever survived without being a sycophantic follower, because he wasn’t born to lead. He was born to suck up, toady, and kiss ass. Did anyone kiss Pence’s ass? If so, how much of a lowlife is that person? Has anyone ever looked at Mike Pence the way Mike Pence looks at Donald Trump? I often wonder how low you have to sink and degrade yourself to worship Donald Trump, but what kind of soul-less human worships Mike Pence (other than Indiana religious fundamentalist political cartoonist Gary Varvel)?

The biggest thing about Mike Pence kissing Donald Trump’s ass for his handling of the Coronavirus outbreak is that Donald Trump has been a total and utter failure. He’s proven American wrong in making him president. He’s the wrong man for the job and ill-equipped to do anything beyond taking care of himself. The first priority of the Trump administration has been and always will be to take care of Donald Trump. So, when Mike Pence first came on board, was he told by someone it’s mandatory to kiss Trump’s ass or did he just take it upon himself?

Some people don’t suffer fools and don’t tolerate ass-kissing, even when it’s their ass receiving the kisses. Shortly after I was hired by the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, I once gave my editor a legitimate compliment on a column she wrote. She said, “Stop kissing my ass. You got the job.” I figured she was half-joking so I said, “OK. The column sucked.”

But other people reward fools. Shortly after arriving in Fredericksburg at The Free Lance-Star, my editor invited me, my then-wife, and the assistant editorial page editor over for dinner. At one point, my editor said it was our job to make the publisher happy. The assistant editor said, “I consider it my job to make….you happy.” On the way home, my wife, who is one of the most observant and intuitive people I’ve ever known, mentioned the extent of the sucking up by the assistant editor, focusing on that quote. “Damn, Jim’s ass-kissing totally ruined my appetite. How are you able to work with such groveling lickspittles?” I had been surrounded by it for a few weeks so I wasn’t even noticing it anymore but after her comment, I couldn’t unsee it ever again.

My editor at The Free Lance-Star just so happened to love having his ass kissed. Hell, he was an ass-kisser himself. He’d even kiss my ass which I always found strange since he was my boss. You’re supposed to suck up, not suck down. He also screamed at me too, quite often, so it was very much like Jekyll and Hyde. If he kissed my ass one day, I expected to be screamed at the next. But funny thing, his biggest ass kisser, who now works at a right-wing fuck-nut think tank, who proudly claimed without any shame that it was his job to make our editor happy, was constantly “motherfucker this” and “motherfucker that” when the editor wasn’t around. How much do you want to bet Mike Pence is the same?

Here’s the thing about ass-kissers. They don’t really like that ass. They’re not loyal. They’re only kissing your ass because they think it’s how they advance to the point of having their ass kissed, or even merely to survive. They don’t have faith in their skills and abilities to do the jobs they were hired for. While they obliviously don’t have any respect for themselves, they especially don’t have any for the ass they’re kissing. Oftentimes, it’s rewarded. Other times, they’re given the treatment they deserve.

Donald Trump is not loyal. We’ve never seen an American president feud with so many former staffers, each previously described as “the best hires,” as Trump has. Jeff Sessions illustrates two points here perfectly. He’s an ass kisser. He was the first Senator to kiss Trump’s ass in endorsing him. He wore a MAGA hat at that rally in Mobile. Eventually, Sessions was fired for doing his job. Today, Sessions is in a runoff for his old Senate seat and he’s still kissing Donald Trump’s ass. And Donald Trump…wait for it…has endorsed his opponent. In case you’re an ass-kissing Republican, let me point out the two points of this: Kissing Donald Trump’s ass didn’t pay off for Sessions and Donald Trump does not return loyalty.

So, you can bet your own ass that if Trump sees a change in the landscape for his reelection and believes he needs a stronger candidate as veep to secure his reelection, Pence is gone. I’m waiting to see what Trump does after Joe Biden picks a woman as his running mate. Biden will pick a woman. Will Trump react by dumping Mike Pence for Nikki Haley? Nikki’s done her own share of kissing Trump’s ass. How will Pence act in the future?

Funny thing, all these ass-kissers initially wanted someone other than Trump. Mike Pence endorsed Ted Cruz (and the guy kissed Cruz’s ass?) Nikki Haley endorsed Marco Rubio. I know average, ordinary, everyday Americans who opposed Donald Trump who now worship the guy. What did Trump change? Nothing. They changed. They gave up their dignity.

You can be nice, cordial, and complimentary of someone without giving up your dignity and being a servile ass-kisser. But that’s impossible if you don’t have confidence or belief in yourself…or any dignity or self-respect to begin with. And to kiss the ass of a racist, grifting conman with worms for brains requires a total lack of dignity and self-respect.

Mike Pence doesn’t have dignity or self-respect. He will always be an ass man but he won’t always be a Trump ass man. Down the line, he’s going to be critical of Trump and try to remove all guilt and blame from himself for today’s disaster, especially after Donald Trump throws his ass under a bus. But during that time in the future, he’ll have a new ass to kiss which will be at some right-wing college or think tank because he’ll have used up all his credits for public service by then.

Mike Pence is an ass-kisser. Don’t be like Mike Pence. Stay away from the ass, especially the great big orange ones.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

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Brains


cjones03172020

Fabio Wajngarten is the press secretary for Brazilian right-wing President Jair Bolsonaro. Last weekend, he was at Mar-a-Lago grinning it up for a photo next to Donald Trump and Mike Pence all splendid looking in his “Make Brazil Great Again” hat (why don’t any of these lunatics think their countries are already great?). Yesterday, Fabio tested positive for the coronavirus.

And CNN just reported, Fabio got facetime with Ivanka, too, and no news agencies have reported this yet, but I’m pretty sure she has to kiss Jared occasionally. And we all know what Donald Trump wants to do with her.

This is at least the third person we know about who got facetime with Trump before discovering they had mingled with someone testing positive for coronavirus. In case you’re a Republican, testing positive is not good. If anything, you’re positively an idiot.

Trump rode on a plane with Congressman Doug Collins, who is now in self-quarantine. He shared the same air with idiot fratboy congressman Matt Gaetz who likes to wear a gas mask everywhere except where he can actually contract the virus. Last week, Donald Trump was at CPAC, a convention of conservative assholes that’s germier than Courtney Love in the men’s room at a bus station. Now, Donald Trump has actually hobnobbed with someone who tested positive which means he’ll never be in the same room with a brown person ever again.

But, Donald Trump isn’t worried that he may have coronavirus. Neither is Pence. Trump said, “We did nothing very unusual, we sat next to each other for a period of time.” Nothing unusual except sitting next to an infected person for a period of time. Stephanie Grisham, the White House press secretary who has yet to hold a press briefing, said, “Both the President and Vice President had almost no interactions with the individual who tested positive and do not require being tested at this time.” Really? Do you want to take Stephanie Grisham’s word that you don’t need to be tested? You might want to get a second opinion, and not from a sycophant. There was almost no interaction but they did manage to capture a photo of it.

She also said, “The White House Medical Unit and the United States Secret Service has been working closely with various agencies to ensure every precaution is taken to keep the First & Second Families, and all White House staff healthy.” Really? It doesn’t look like any precaution was being exercised in that photo. Case in point: Infected fucker allowed into Mar-a-Lago. Is this the same White House Medical Unit that says Trump is six feet two, only 240 lbs., and fit as a fiddle and could live up to the age of 200 (we might find out soon)? Is this the same Secret Service that let a Chinese national into Mar-a-Lago under the pretense of going for a swim, who was carrying four cellphones, a laptop, an external hard drive, and no swimsuit?

Usually, when someone comes into contact with Trump or breathes the same air, they’re the ones who will want to get tested. But Trump, unfortunately, is president of the United States (sic). He should be tested so he can be healthy and continue to make godawful decisions that destroy our nation’s economy. So, after coming into contact with an infected fucker, why isn’t he being tested? Why isn’t this man famous for being a germaphobe not insisting on getting a test? I have theories.

He’s afraid of finding out he’s got coronavirus. Maybe sheer denial will keep it away. If you don’t see a doctor then a doctor can’t tell you bad news. This explains why his hair and face look the way they do. He never saw a specialist who could tell him, “Oh my freaking god, you got an Oompa-Loompa head transplant!”

According to anonymous White House goons, Donald Trump is terrified he may have already caught the virus from one of the assorted infected fuckers he’s been hanging out with.

Another theory is, he thinks he’s invincible. He’s Donald Trump. He’s Superman. He’s an old decrepit son of a bitch who’s afraid of rain and stairs, but he’s a tough guy. Test? We don’t need no stinkin’ tests! One of his sycophants defended Trump on my YouTube page by saying, “He’s always sniffy.”

Theory number 3: He’s afraid if he’s tested, a source will leak it and his supporters, even if it’s not positive, will all be like, “Why would he get tested? He’s Donald Trump! He’s invincible. Only wimpy, socialist Democrats need to get tested.” If they find out Trump got a test, it’ll be like discovering he’s not good at negotiating, or his hair isn’t real, or that he’s overweight, or that he has to pay women to sleep with him, or that he’s told a lie or two, or he bankrupted a casino, or that his kids are idiots, or that he doesn’t know more than the generals, or that he used to be a Democrat, or that he wears more makeup than RuPaul, or he’s not actually a self-made billionaire, or…

Or, we go with theory number 4: Mike Pence just prayed it away. There’s a coronavirus force field surrounding Donald Trump placed there by God that also keeps out Mexican cooties. Unfortunately, it blurs reality and it makes you sniff a lot. I mean a LOT.

Theory number 5: He’s afraid if there’s a test that he’ll have to study.

Theory number 6 is probably the correct one: Donald Trump is an idiot with worms for brains who’s surrounded himself with idiotic sycophants and family (redundant?). He doesn’t know what he’s doing with anything and proving the case on a daily basis he shouldn’t be president.

I don’t wish for Donald Trump or Mike Pence to catch the coronavirus. I don’t wish that on anyone. But if he does catch it, it’s karma. This idiot has been talking hate for the past decade (longer really). He’s catered to the worst element among us. He campaigned on building a wall of hate, banning brown people from entering the nation, calling countries of people with a darker shade “shithole countries.” He holds hate rallies. He opens his doors to any hater willing to fawn over him. The Klan has held parades in his honor. He’s defended Nazis. He builds himself by promoting hate and fear and he props up those who do the same. He gave a Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh. So when one of these evil, low-life, sick racist bastards breath a virus into his face, he kinda had it coming. Quite frankly, he may as well lick a stripper pole used by Stephen Miller.

And you have to appreciate the irony, that after screaming about banning brown people from “shithole countries,” this virus has him banning people from white countries unless their country has a Trump golf resort in it. Trump once asked, “Why can’t we get more people from Norway?” Today, he’s banned travel from Norway.

I’ve said before that if this was the zombie apocalypse, that the fuckers in charge of protecting us from it would all be zombies by now. But if they’re the zombies from Return of the Living Dead, then Donald Trump and everyone in his administration don’t have anything to worry about, because those zombies only eat brains.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.