Mike Pence

Pence and the FB-Fly


For only the second time in his life, Mike Pence committed a noble act and called on his Republican Party to stop attacking the FBI. But I think Mike Pence forgets this is the same party that called for his hanging after he committed the first noble act of his life.

When Mike Pence refused to help Trump overturn the election he lost, his white nationalist terrorists ran through the Capitol chanting, “Hang Mike Pence.” This was after Trump tweeted an attack on Pence and goaded this MAGA mob to go after him. The terrorists came within 40 feet of Mike Pence and his family. Donald Trump has never apologized for this or accepted responsibility.

Now, Donald Trump is goading his MAGA terrorists to attack the FBI, and elected Republicans and other assorted goons, like the ones on Fox News, are helping him. Donald Trump has not done what Pence did and sent out a message that Attorney General Merrick Garland, the Justice Department, and the FBI can be held accountable without being threatened physically.

Now, what’s this business of Republicans screaming and soiling themselves over everyone being held accountable except for Donald Trump?

Sure, the Justice Department will be held accountable, for better or worse, when the time comes. But, Merrick Garland doesn’t have to cave to GOP and MAGAt demands that he explain everything and show all his cards before any prosecutions begin. Sure, it’s unprecedented for the FBI to get a search warrant for a former president’s (sic) home, but it’s also unprecedented for a former president (sic) to be a crook who takes home classified information that threatens national security. Even Richard Nixon didn’t do that shit.

So, in the spirit of accountability, let’s ask Donald Trump a few questions. Tiny has some ‘splaining to do but he’d rather keep assailing the FBI.

Why did Donald Trump take classified information to his golf resort in Florida after he left the White House?

Why didn’t Donald Trump return all of it when the National Archives retrieved 15 boxes?

Why did Donald Trump’s lawyers lie and say it was all returned when it wasn’t?

Why wouldn’t Donald Trump just return the stuff instead of forcing DOJ to get a warrant?

Why does Donald Trump believe he owns this stuff?

What was Donald Trump’s intention for this material?

Was any of it actually declassified?

Why hasn’t Donald Trump called his goons off from attacking the FBI, even after an attack on the FBI office in Cincinnati?

And why hasn’t Donald Trump explained any of this yet?

It was very noble of Mike Pence to tell the goons to stop attacking the FBI and that “calls to defund the F.B.I. are just as wrong as calls to defund the police,” which is what Marjorie Taylor Greene has done. But, Pence went back to his old role which is lying. He said the Republican Party is the party of law and order.

I think the FBI, Department of Justice, and the Capitol Police would disagree. The leader of the Law-and-Order Party is a thief who tried to destroy democracy through a violent coup attempt.

Music note: I listened to the Kinks.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

My Pet Pence


On September 11, 2001, President George W. Bush was reading a book to school children in a Sarasota classroom when his Chief of Staff Andrew Card whispered into his big-ass ear that a second plane had flown into the World Trade Center. Bush continued with the reading of “The Pet Goat,” (often mistakenly referred to as “My Pet Goat” thanks to Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11), and sat motionless for seven minutes with a stupid confused blank expression on his face.

His supporters claimed then and continue to do so that Bush didn’t want to alarm the children. I still call bullshit on this. The guy could have calmly stood up and told the class, “Hey, something came up. Sorry, but I gotta go be the decider.”

Bush sat for seven minutes and did nothing while our nation was being attacked. That’s bad but not as bad as Donald Trump not doing anything for 187 minutes while our nation was being attacked. But, there are several differences between both incidents.

First, the goat book is right at W’s reading level. Donald Trump would never be able to read it. It would have to be read to him and there would have to be pop-up pictures of him to maintain his focus.

Bush didn’t do anything for seven minutes, not because he wanted the attack to continue unabated and was cheering the terrorists on, but because he simply didn’t know what to do. When he finally did do something, he invaded the wrong country.

George W. Bush was not a smart man, but unlike Trump, he’s not evil or racist. Are there people he doesn’t care about? Yes, but he’s more obtuse and easily manipulated by evil people. I think if I sat down for a beer and pretzels with George W, I would like him personally while hating him as president. I would never sit down with Donald Trump unless he was sitting in an electric chair.

George W. Bush knew our nation was going to be attacked yet he didn’t do much to prevent it, probably because didn’t take it seriously. Donald Trump also knew our nation was going to be attacked because he planned it.

After seven minutes, George W. stood up and did something to thwart further attacks and save American lives. He at least tried. Donald Trump did something during that 187 minutes and that was to give the attackers encouragement and support. He tweeted that Vice President Mike Pence “let us down,” further goading the attackers who brought nooses and started chanting “hang Mike Pence.”

According to reports, the “hang Mike Pence” chants greatly pleased Trump and it gave him the giggles.

Donald Trump sat in the dining room off the Oval Office throughout those 187 minutes watching Fox News cover the terrorist attack on the Capitol. Instead of calling the Pentagon, the Secretary of Defense, law enforcement, or even his Vice President to check on his safety, he called Republican Senators to encourage them to continue to block the certification of the election. He obviously felt the attackers were working in his interest.

He was told he needed to call the terrorists off. He refused for 187 minutes. Several staffers, including his daughter, asked him to call them off. Kevin McCarthy, leader of the House GOP pleaded with Trump to call them off. Trump said he couldn’t because they were Antifa, despite the fact he was watching Fox News which clearly showed the terrorists were white nationalist Trump goons. McCarthy told him they were NOT Antifa but Trump supporters. Trump quickly went from blaming Antifa to telling McCarthy that the terrorists care more about the election than he did.

Trump sent the tweet, encouraging his terrorists to attack Mike Pence, after being told by his staff he needed to call them off. Trump’s first tweet giving literal directions to the terrorists was for them not to attack law enforcement, who they had been attacking. That tweet didn’t tell them to stop their attack or not to hurt members of Congress. It was pretty much, “Hey, love what you’re doing. Keep it up, but try not to hurt the cops…just everyone else. Don’t worry about Josh too much because he already hightailed it. MAGA!”

Trump always knew the attack was happening. He knew they were his people. Hell, he wanted to go to the Capitol with them. Why would he want to go to the Capitol with an angry Antifa mob? He knew who they were because he told them days before to be there (It’s gonna be “wild”). He held a rally before their attack. He argued for metal detectors to be removed so his terrorists could bring their weapons into the rally. He told them to march to the Capitol. He told them to “fight like hell” or “they wouldn’t have a country anymore.” He told them that Democrats and Rinos were evil, their enemy, and taking something away from them.

George W. Bush was just a moron who didn’t know what to do for seven minutes. Donald Trump is an evil orange fuck who sent racist terrorists to attack Congress and install him as a dictator.

Donald Trump has less in common with George W. Bush and more in common with Osama bin Laden.

Music note: I listened to Them Crooked Vultures and Taylor Swift’s “Folklore” album. Yeah, I’m all over the place with my music taste.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Legitimate Political Discourse


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Last week, Donald Trump admitted he lost the election and tried to steal it when he said Mike Pence should have overturned it.

Yesterday while speaking to the Federalist Society at an event in Florida, the former vice president replied to Trump’s bogus claim. Now keep in mind that during the Trump administration, there was no bigger kisser of Donald Trump’s ass than Mike Pence. This guy probably snored “thanks to the leadership of President (sic) Trump.” And as much as he may disagree with Trump today, he will never be able to get all the brown off his nose. In fact, it’s a scientific miracle he was somehow able to extract it from Donald Trump’s ass without the jaws of life.

Pence told the Federalist Society (a group where all six conservative members of the Supreme Court have been members), “There are those in our party who believe that as the presiding officer over the joint session of Congress, I possessed unilateral authority to reject Electoral College votes. And I heard this week that President Trump said I had the right to ‘overturn the election.”

And then Mike Pence, the biggest ass kisser in the history of ass kissers, said, “President Trump is wrong.”

Mike Pence elaborated and said, “I had no right to overturn the election. The presidency belongs to the American people, and the American people alone. Frankly, there is almost no idea more un-American than the notion that any one person could choose the American president.”

You know, I bet this is not going to appeal to all those white nationalist terrorists storming through the Capitol building on January 6, 2021, while chanting “hang Mike Pence.” And, I bet it’s not going to appeal to the Republican National Committee which on the same day that Pence called out Trump, censured House Members Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for their participation in the House select committee investigating the Jan. 6 attack at the Capitol. 

The RNC also declared on Friday that the over 700 white nationalists who were charged with crimes, including sedition, for their involvement in the terrorist attack were just exercising “legitimate political discourse.”

Basically, The Republican National Committee believes attacking the Capitol building, trying to overturn a democratic election, trying to install a fascist wannabe who lost the election as an unelected dictator, attempting a coup, breaking and entering into the Capitol, defecating and urinating on the floors, chanting “hang Mike Pence” while rampaging through the building with a noose, waving a Confederate flag in the building, stealing government property, trying to overthrow the government and destroy democracy while physically attacking cops is just exercising “legitimate political discourse.”

I bet the RNC wouldn’t call it “legitimate political discourse” if ANTIFA broke into their offices, beat their asses with flag poles, attacked them with bear spray, spread feces on their walls, stole property, bit their fingers off, and made several of them have heart attacks with several more committing suicide later. Hell, Republicans grab their assault rifles when black people merely walk by.

Back to Mike Pence, don’t worry that he’s changed too much. He’s still a worm. While disagreeing with Trump, he had to let out one dog whistle. I mean, he had to say something that’d get an audience of racist right-wing goons to applaud.

Pence said, “Under the Constitution, I had no right to change the outcome of our election. And Vice President Kamala Harris will have no right to overturn the election when we beat them in 2024.”

What makes Mike Pence believe Vice President Kamala Harris is going to try to overturn an election if the GOP wins in 2024? Granted, the Republicans are going to try to steal every election between now and eternity, but there’s been no indication that Democrats will try to stop an electoral college count or the certification of a presidential election. But, maybe he just needed the red meat as Republicans love to beat up on Kamala Harris because she is a black woman. As we’ve seen over the past two weeks…and all time, conservatives have a lot of trouble with black women.

Pence needs to stop kissing all this right-wing ass because they’re never going to give him anything ever again. They feel he betrayed them by his obeying the United States Constitution. Republicans are not constitutionalists anymore. They’re a cult. Mike Pence followed the cult until January 6, 2021, when he decided to go with the Constitution and put America first. The cult puts Trump first.

After four years of loyalty, Mike Pence still hasn’t learned that Trump and the cult don’t return loyalty.

Music Note: I listened to Queens of the Stone Age while drawing this cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Trump Swingers


Cjones10122021

Mike Pence is a worm and he’s always been a worm. But for one shining moment, for him at least, it seemed he had re-grown his backbone, or grown a first one, and stood up for the nation, democracy, and the United States Constitution. The man who probably snored praises for Donald Trump, who had replaced Christ with Donald Trump, who couldn’t state three sentences without inserting the term “thanks to Donald Trump’s leadership,” and who is probably still trying to brush the taste of Trump’s ass out of his mouth, stood up and finally put something before worship to all that is Donald Trump.

Mike Pence had shed whatever dignity he had before 2016 to be Trump’s lap poodle, lickspittle, toady, flunky, minion, apple polisher, yes man, brown noser, fawner, doormat, sycophant, first-in-line ass kisser.

The vice president presides over Congress’ certification of presidential elections. Donald Trump wanted Pence to use this position to overturn the election by not allowing the certification. Donald Trump told the angry mob at a hate rally before the attack on the Capitol,I hope Mike is going to do the right thing. I hope so. I hope so.”

“Because if Mike Pence does the right thing, we win the election. All he has to do, all this is, this is from the number one, or certainly one of the top, Constitutional lawyers in our country. He has the absolute right to do it. We’re supposed to protect our country, support our country, support our Constitution, and protect our constitution.”

“All Vice President Pence has to do is send it back to the states to recertify and we become president and you are the happiest people.”

And I actually, I just spoke to Mike. I said: “Mike, that doesn’t take courage. What takes courage is to do nothing. That takes courage.” And then we’re stuck with a president who lost the election by a lot and we have to live with that for four more years. We’re just not going to let that happen.”

After Mike Pence refused to refuse the certification, the Trump mob attacked the Capitol. Pence and his family were evacuated, and then Trump tweeted to his mob, “Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution.”

Trump knew the mob was inside the Capitol. Instead of calling them off, he was giving them targets. Donald Trump sent an angry mob with nooses to go after the man who had spent the past four years groveling at his feet, supporting his lies, and aiding in the destruction of the country.

Donald Trump literally tried to have his vice president murdered. Why is Donald Trump not in prison?

Mike Pence spent four years performing as someone who would sacrifice himself for Donald Trump, but when that moment came, he ran for his life. Donald Trump did nothing to call of the mob with nooses from killing Mike Pence.

Donald Trump is a racist lying treasonous piece of shit and Mike Pence, well, he’s still a worm.

While talking to Sean Hannity on Fox News last week, Mike Pence said, “I know the media wants to distract from the Biden administration’s failed agenda by focusing on one day in January. They want to use that one day to try and demean the character and intentions of 74 million Americans who believed we could be strong again and prosperous again and supported our administration in 2016 and 2020.”

Pence, you demean yourself. Donald Trump lost the election fairly. While 74 million Americans voted for him, 81 million voted for President Joe Biden. You lost and you know it, or at least you did that “one day in January.”

Mike Pence, the worm, has joined the rest of the ridiculous Republican cowards who’ve spent the past ten months downplaying this attack. For Pence, it was just “one day in January.” It was one day in January white supremacist terrorists, encouraged by Donald Trump, tried to destroy democracy.

You guys are still losing your shit over protesters for attacking a Target in Minnesota over the murder of George Floyd, but the attack by white nationalists on the citadel of democracy was just “one day in January.” Really?

And now we’ve learned that doing the right thing was only the last resort for Mike Pence. He was seeking a way to do just as Donald Trump asked, which was to toss out a free and fair democratic election, destroy democracy, disobey a duty mandated by the United States Constitution, and install Donald Trump as a fascist dictator. And who talked Mike Pence out of doing that? A guy who can’t even spell “potato.”

After criticizing Donald Trump for the riot and attack on democracy, Nikki Haley and Kevin McCarthy both went groveling back to Trump. Mike Pence is now doing the same. It might be working because Trump praised Pence while also throwing an ass-kissing bone to Hannity.

Trump said, “Vice President Mike Pence’s statement during his interview with the great Sean Hannity very much destroys and discredits the Unselect Committees Witch Hunt on the events of January 6th.”

Did I mention the Trump mob, while inside the Capitol, was chanting, “Hang Mike Pence”? Donald Trump didn’t mention that.

It happened one day in January.

Story time: I don’t expect many of my clients to publish this cartoon because of the imagery.

Back in the day when newspapers still had some money and would annually grant raises, they also did performance reviews. During one review, I got a raise and was commended for my work while my editor received a criticism from his boss for something I did. They scolded my boss for allowing a lynching cartoon of mine to be published on the opinion page. And this scolding came several months later. It came off like I was a monkey and not responsible for my actions. You know you can’t leave him alone in the kitchen. He’ll put forks in the microwave.

Little did either of us know there was a company policy not written down anywhere that there was to be no references to lynching in the newspaper. Even though the issue was lynching, as our newspaper had reported our then-senator, George Allen, had a noose in his office as a souvenir, probably because he’s racist. So, I drew a cartoon on something reported in our paper, and my boss got in trouble for letting me do it.

I was OK with that. I got my three percent raise. But, I never got to draw another noose for The Free Lance-Star again. Cowards.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

TrumpFly


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

When I bounced this off my editor, he asked if I was playing off the 1980s version of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. I told him I was referencing the original more since that movie made “help me” famous. Goldblum does say “help me” in the 80s version, but it’s not the iconic one that made it famous. Still, a lot of people may not be thinking of the 1950s one when they think of The Fly.

To be honest, I’ve never seen the 50s version but it’s so iconic, I’m well aware of “help me” in a high pitched voice. Still, I looked up the iconic “help me” scene from the 1950s version, and after being jaded, desensitized and inoculated to movie violence throughout my life, I gotta say…that scene creeped me the F out. It made my skin crawl.

But still not as creepy as Mike Pence and is fawning adoration of Donald Trump. In fact, all MAGAts are creepy. But cults tend to be that way. They’re like Children of the Corn without the corn, or that movie where all the children had glowing eyes.

Donald Trump is pressuring Mike Pence to reject ballots tomorrow when he presides over Congress certifying the electoral college. He’s confused in that Mike Pence doesn’t actually have that power. And thank god he doesn’t. If Mike Pence did that power, would he use it to disenfranchise millions of voters and steal an election and create a fascist state?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Good Mike, Evil Mike


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Vice-President (sic) Mike Pence will preside when the Senate and House meet Wednesday, January 6, to certify the presidential election. It’s a role every vice-president takes. Four years ago, Joe Biden presided over the Congressional certification of Donald Trump’s victory (ugh). There have been a lot of questions over what Pence will do. There is very little he can do. He will be about as effective with this as he was leading the Coronavirus Task Force.

At least 140 House Republicans plan to object to the election result. At least 13 Senate Republicans will do the same. Their objections are based solely on debunked conspiracy theories. They argue for “election integrity” while lacking Congressional integrity. These members of the House and Senate are trying to stage a coup and steal an election. They will be about as effective with this as Mike Pence was at making Donald Trump a godly man. So, what will Mike do?

He’s already signaled support for the members of Congress who will object. On Saturday, his Chief-of-Staff issued a statement saying Pence “shares the concerns of millions of Americans about voter fraud and irregularities in the last election.” Never mind the fact there was no voter fraud or irregularities. The greatest example of election fraud has come from the White House.

The statement from Pence’s office continued with, “The Vice-President (sic) welcomes the efforts of members of the House and Senate to use the authority they have under the law to raise objections and bring forward evidence before the Congress and the American people on Jan. 6th.” Uhhhhhhh….what evidence? They will be as effective at producing evidence as Mike Pence was with promoting gay-conversion therapy.

At a fucknut hate rally in Georgia today, Pence said, “I promise you, come this Wednesday, we’ll have our day in Congress. We’ll hear the objections. We’ll hear the evidence.” We’d have better luck at finding Mike Pence’s integrity.

We will all have our day in Congress. Mostly, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will have their day in Congress. Why? Because they won the election. Republicans believe they’re going to overturn this election, but they’ll have as much luck with that as I have with not vomiting in my mouth every time Mike Pence calls the woman he sleeps with “Mother.” Ew.

Pence said we’ll “hear the evidence” come this Wednesday. The only evidence we heard of election fraud was from the tape of Trump begging and demanding the Georgia Secretary of State to overturn an election, give him imaginary votes, and thwart democracy, or else he’d send him to prison.

What will happen Wednesday will be a bunch of Republicans creating a shit show to shit on democracy for political expediency. They will further divide this nation. Instead of doing the right thing in certifying an election, even the winner they didn’t vote for, which Congress has always done…Republicans plan to attack democracy. But they’ll be about as successful attacking democracy as Mike Pence was at upstaging that fly.

I have to say, there’s nothing Republican about destroying a republic. The GOP is now a cult.

Joe Biden will be certified as our next president this Wednesday. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be inaugurated on January 20. The most intriguing part of Wednesday for me will be when it’s time for the vice-president (sic) to announce the winner. I’m making popcorn.

As for which version will show up on Wednesday, Good Mike Pence or Evil Mike Pence, spoiler alert! There is only Evil Mike Pence.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are currently 11 copies of my book on hand, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00. (If you have already ordered and waiting, they’re going out tomorrow).

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Goodbye, Turkeys


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I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Pence Fly


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If you heard a little tiny high pitched voice during last night’s debate saying, “Help me,” it wasn’t the fly. It was Republican senators going down with this administration. Thom Tillis, Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and Martha McSally, who was never elected in the first place, are all buzzing around Mike Pence’s head saying, “Help me.”

I paid close attention to the debate last night. Kamala Harris was expected to prosecute the Trump administration. Mike Pence was expected to deflect, lie, and be condescending and wormy. And though I tried to pay attention, I lost all focus for two plus minutes of the debate. Why was I distracted for over two minutes? Because that’s how long a fly was attached to Mike Pence’s white head.

I was mesmerized. When is the fly going to fly away? Will it leave? Is it stuck to whatever component Pence uses to fossilize his hair? What the fuck is going on with the fly and Mike Pence’s hair! AAAAAAGGGHHHHHH! FLY!!!!

Finally it left, but before it did, it had its own Twitter account. The internet lit up over the fly. If you run outside right now and ask someone for their first impression of last night’s debate, they’ll mention the fly. My readers on Facebook were demanding I draw a fly cartoon. At first, I thought, “Nah. This is an internet thing and that doesn’t always translate to the rest of the world….holy shit. Everybody’s talking about it.”

As soon as the debate was over, on MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, Joy Reid, and Nicole Wallace talked about the fly. When Brian Williams came in, he talked about the fly. On CNN, Anderson Cooper, Chris Cuomo, and Don Lemon were talking about the fly. Over on Fox News, they were talking about the best pumpkin spice recipes for a brisk Autumn afternoon.

Before going to bed around 1:00 A.M, I knew I had to draw a fly cartoon. It’s funny that before the debate, I was wondering what would come out of it for me to draw. I never expected it to be a fly on a Trump goon’s head.

As they say, flies are attracted to shit. And whenever you defend Donald Trump and the “accomplishments” of his administration, you’re talking shit.

And just as he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignored reality. Mike Pence told Senator Harris, “you’re entitled to your own opinions but you’re not entitled to your own facts.” He said this twice ignoring the FACT he is the main butt poodle for a man who has told over 20,000 lies.

Just like he tried to pretend the fly wasn’t there, Mike Pence, the evangelical, pretends he’s not goon number one for Mr. Grab Them By The Pussy.

Just as he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignores the fact the Trump administration throws children into baby cages.

Just like he paid no attention to the fly, Mike Pence pays no attention to the fact over 210,000 people have died from the coronavirus.

As he ignored the fly, Mike Pence, head of the Coronavirus Task Force, ignores safety protocols. The woman he sleeps with whom he calls “Mother,” ignored safety protocols and the debate rules last night by coming onto the stage without a face mask.

Just like he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignored the rules of the debate, talking over his time limit, talking over the moderator, Susan Page, and talking over his opponent, Senator Kamala Harris.

Just like he ignored the fly, he ignored all respect toward Senator Harris and Ms. Page. He ignored respect for the American people, using them as if criticizing the Trump administration’s failure over containing the Trump Virus is somehow attacking the American public.

Fortunately for Mike Pence, Senator Harris and Ms. Page also ignored the fly on his white head. They also ignored the cold sore around his mouth. Herpes much? Mother should have kept her mask on. They ignored the pink eye. Mother should have worn goggles. Quite frankly, someone should have taken his pulse. The guy looked like death and flies were literally landing on him. Can zombies speak other than saying, “Brains”? Except for this zombie, he ain’t got any.

A CNN poll said Kamala Harris won the debate, 69% to Pence’s 39%. Personally, I think the fly came in second. The worm came in a distant third.

Mike Pence is a coward. Mike Pence is a worm. And just like all members, supporters, and cultists of this administration, he’s full of shit. And that’s why flies are attracted to him.

Bzzzzz.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Here Comes The Worm


cjones06302020

Yesterday, the White House Coronavirus Task Force held their first briefing in 8 weeks. You do remember those, right? As it turns out, Dr. Deborah Birx has not been abducted by aliens. These briefings were ended after Donald Trump suggested everybody drink bleach and Drano to kill the coronavirus.

But, the administration was forced to say something about the virus since the first wave won’t go away, southern states fucked up by reopening too fast with some starting to scale back (no alcohol in bars in Florida and Texas), cases are increasing, but most of all, because Donald Trump is about 15 points behind Joe Biden in national polls and behind him in every swing state. He’s even behind Biden in places like Texas, Georgia, and Mississippi. And Biden has rarely left his house.

Donald Trump has been a huge failure with handling the coronavirus. As cases decrease in first-world countries, they’re increasing here. Right now, Haiti believes we’re a shithole country.

Donald Trump won’t push masks, instead, pushing conspiracy theories. He’s staged two rallies in states where cases are spiking. He refuses to accept the number of cases or deaths as facts. He’d rather scream about antifa, demonstrate to his base he can lift a glass of water with one hand (with some difficulty), and yell racist terms in churches. To be fair, it was just one church.

So who did they trot out for yesterday’s press briefing on the virus? Mike Pence. It went about as well as could be expected. If you weren’t sick before watching it, you were after. It was also a good opportunity for a jaded, pessimistic cynic like me to practice shouting at his TV.

Mike Pence has to be the most squeamish, sycophantic, ass-kissing, shitweasel toady worm in the history of Washington, D.C. Yesterday’s briefing proved it.

First, the worm comes out and says, “as we stand here today, all 50 states and territories across this country are opening up safely and responsibly.”

No, they’re not. You lying weasel shitfuck. While Texas and Florida have closed their bars, the Lone Star State has ordered restaurants to limit seating to 50% capacity, gatherings of at least 100 people have to seek approval, and they’ve ordered their rafting and tubing businesses to close. You can’t go tubing in Texas but you can still get a haircut. Maine has postponed reopening bars.

Bars are cesspools. Here in Virginia, I did visit a bar down the street from my apartment and masks are being worn by servers and everyone is social distancing. And the place next door that sells amazing gyros, they are not. At another bar farther down the street, NOBODY is wearing a face mask or social distancing. I’m not going back because…damn. It’s like they forgot they were all unemployed for three months and they don’t mind going back to that status.

Other states that are pausing reopening plans or extending phases are Louisiana, North Carolina, Idaho, Nevada, and New Mexico. Funny thing, most of these states are red states. Huh.

Captain Brown Nose also lied and said, “we flattened the curve.”

They only thing he flattened was his principles, pride, and his spine. What a lying goober. The United States reported 36,975 new cases on Wednesday and 41,113 new cases on Thursday, setting daily records both days. In Houston, intensive care units are out of beds. That is NOT flattening.

Then, that lying motherfucker (literally) said, “We want the American people to understand it’s almost inarguable that more testing is generating more cases. To one extent or another, the volume of new cases coming in is a reflection of a great success in expanding more testing across the country.”

Inarguable? Infuckingarguable? This might be the biggest lie that’s ever come out of the Trump administration, which says a lot. Here, Poodle bitch Pence is repeating his boss’ lie that testing creates more cases.

No, no, no, no, no!!!! Testing does not create cases. You don’t go into a clinic clean then catch it because you took a test. There are more cases of coronavirus because of the virus spreading. Not testing. No wonder Europe doesn’t want Americans to enter their freaking continent. Because our leaders are saying stupid shit like this an entire fucking continent is saying to us, “NOPE.”

Pence said, “Fatalities are decreasing all across the country.”

No, they’re not. While they have decreased nationally, you can’t say “across the country” because they’re either holding steady or…wait for it…increasing in places like California, Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, and Texas. Again, mostly red states.

And then, and then, and then, that lying white-haired constipated-looking piece of….grrrrr…advised that everyone listens to their local government for guidance. What? Did they listen to local guidance in the past two rallies where cases are spiking? Did they listen to the local government in Tulsa that said, “please don’t come here?” Did they listen to the local government in Phoenix that said, “face masks are required?” No. They held their two little hate rallies coughed spittle all over each other and contaminated the Secret Service.

And, the suck-up Trump goon did not mention face masks or social distancing, even though that’s the two main pieces of advice from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. When asked why the Trump campaign doesn’t mandate social distancing or wearing face masks at their hate rallies where the president (sic) shouts racist slurs, the most sickening, lapdog, lickspittle vice president in the history of the United States said, “Freedom of speech, the right to peacefully assemble is enshrined in the constitution of the United States. And we have an election coming up this fall.”

What the hell does any of that have to do with wearing face masks or social distancing?

We have to replace this stupid shit. Donald Trump is destroying this nation and you have people like Mike Pence enabling and helping him. A crisis, especially a pandemic, is hard enough for adults to deal with. Here, we have children. Stupid, racist children.

How anyone can still support Donald Trump boggles my mind and in fact, that in itself is an infection. It’s time to kill it.

And yes, Mike Pence is the biggest spineless worm in the history of Washington, D.C.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Where’s Mike Pence?


cjones05032020

Where’s Mike Pence been? Yesterday, he was at the Mayo Clinic.

Pence, who leads the White House’s Coronavirus Task Force visited the clinic yesterday and violated their policy that everyone who enters has to wear a face mask. He also violated the guidelines of the…wait for it…White House’s Coronavirus Task Force. Is there really a task force or is it just as empty a gesture as Pence’s photo-op yesterday at the Mayo Clinic?

Why didn’t Pence wear a face mask? Does he think he’s better than everyone else? In a photo where he’s talking to doctors, staffers, and patients, he’s the only person not wearing a mask. Did he not wear one because Donald Trump doesn’t? Once, when Donald Trump moved a glass of water from the table to the floor, Pence quickly followed and did the exact same thing. Pence, who interrupts his own lies to praise the “leadership” of Donald Trump will one day have his photo in dictionaries for “sycophant.”

In a tweet, the Mayo Clinic said Pence and his staff were aware of the policy before they entered. That tweet has since been deleted.

Mike Pence defended his position with mind-boggling stupidity in an extremely pompous statement exhibiting his disrespect to the clinic and indifference to the seriousness of the situation. Mike Pence and Donald Trump have an extremely hard time faking empathy.

Pence said, “I didn’t wear a mask because President Trump doesn’t wear a mask, and I need to follow suit and appear like a tough guy as well. Wearing a mask will just undercut our argument to reopen the nation, which we’ve issued contradicting statements for, but yet our base is totally rabid about. Plus, Jesus will save me from the coronavirus…thanks to the leadership of President Trump. Also, there’s still a chance the coronavirus is a Democratic hoax, unlike gay cooties.”

OK, he didn’t actually say any of that except for the part about gay cooties. His reason for not wearing a mask is that he’s regularly tested and said, “Since I don’t have the coronavirus, I thought it’d be a good opportunity for me to be here, to be able to speak to these researchers, these incredible health-care personnel, and look them in the eye and say thank you.”

Yeah, just make sure you say it and don’t spray it, Mike.

There’s a lot to dissect here. First, with a free tip: If you enter a room full of doctors, doctors of such high standing that they work for the Mayo freaking Clinic, and they’re all wearing masks, put on a fucking mask, you selfish sycophantic moron. When you watch the movie Outbreak, you don’t see Dustin Hoffman maskless and petting the monkey. You don’t want to end up like Kevin Spacey, either the one in the movie or reality.

But the first thing that occurred to me and many others is…you don’t wear the mask over your eyes. I know, they’re Republicans and IF they do happen to be smart enough to know you wear the mask over your nose and mouth and NOT your eyeballs, they’re not intelligent enough to say something stupid like they didn’t wear a mask because they wanted to look people in the eye. When that future dictionary comes out, they can use the same photo for Pence under “Dumbass.”

While not wearing a mask to look people in the eyes is stupid, it’s outright dangerous to enter a medical facility without one.

Mike Pence defends himself by saying he’s “regularly tested.” Maybe his stupidity has been caused by the cotton swab being pushed too far up his nostril. But, while Pence is regularly tested, that doesn’t mean you’re immune. It doesn’t mean you can’t catch it between the test and entering the clinic…or at one of those stupid White House press conferences where everyone’s standing shoulder to shoulder and sharing one microphone. It also doesn’t mean you can’t catch it while crawling up Donald Trump’s ass.

Republicans are in a rush to open the nation back up for business because this economy is destroying Donald Trump’s reelection bid. Not wearing a mask in a photo-op hurts the argument that the virus will just disappear because if more people follow Trump and Pence’s lead, they won’t wear masks and the resurgence of the virus will be much stronger and quicker. Guess what happens then? We close the nation again and probably just in time for the November election. I bet Vice-President Elizabeth Warren will wear a mask.

Everyone needs to wear a mask when they go out. They also need to practice social distancing. Pence is doing neither in the photo. By not wearing a mask, Mike Pence endangered the entire clinic and not just any clinic. He endangered the Mayo Clinic.

CNN’s chief medical correspondent, Sanjay Gupta, said, “When you get a negative test, that is a point in time.”

Jonathan Reiner, a cardiologist who treated former vice president Richard B. Cheney, told CNN Pence’s actions were “so wrong, so tone-deaf.” He said, “The vice president wouldn’t disrespect a synagogue and not wear a skull cap when he walked into a temple or he wouldn’t refuse to remove his shoes when he walked into a mosque. Hospitals are our new holy places and he’s completely disrespecting the sacrifice that the nurses and the docs and the staff in hospitals make by not wearing a mask. What is he saying to them?” I don’t know, Pence might enter a synagogue without a skull cap or a mosque without…wait. Pence wouldn’t enter a mosque anymore than he’d visit the Tenderloin. Actually, that’s when he’d wear a mask.

What Mike Pence is saying to the staff at the Mayo Clinic is that he doesn’t give a fuck. Mike Pence promotes himself as a Christian and Jesus freak while serving a man who boasts about grabbing women by their “pussies.” He serves a man who’s cheated on all three of his wives and paid off porn stars and Playmates through dummy corporations. He serves a man who can’t say a sentence without a lie in it. Mike Pence ignores the Ten Commandments in favor of Trump’s Commandments. He is a phony and he’ll sell anything and anyone out for his ambitions. That includes his phony principles and the safety of everyone at the Mayo Clinic.

While Mike Pence may be looking them in their eyes saying “thank you,” the lack of a mask says, “I don’t really care about you, your patients, or all the work and sacrifices you’ve put in fighting this virus and saving lies.” What Mike Pence told the entire nation is, “I really don’t care, do you?”

Anand Swaminathan, a doctor, tweeted, “Not wearing a mask isn’t about being brave. It’s about being pompous, arrogant + self-absorbed. It’s anti-science. The mask isn’t to protect you. It’s to protect everyone else from you, VP. It’s clearly showing that he doesn’t care about anyone else.”

Do Mike Pence and Donald Trump believe people don’t need protection from them? Because guess what. This entire nation needs protection from Trump/Pence.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.