Mike Pence

Taking A Knee


cjones05292018

After the NFL released their ruling Wednesday that they are banning kneeling during the American national anthem and will fine anyone who does so, Vice President and chief kisser of the orange rumpus, Mike Pence tweeted, “Today’s decision by the is a win for the fans, a win for , and a win for America. Americans can once again come together around what unites us – our flag, our military, and our National Anthem. Thank you NFL.”

What Mike Pence reveals with that tweet is that it was never about the fans, our military, or our nation. It’s all about Trump.

Quarterback Colin Kaepernick started the silent protest to draw attention to police brutality and other social injustice against African-Americans. A few players joined him over time, and after Donald Trump used the issue to divide America further, even more players, white and black, took part.

Trump used the issue to attack black athletes and throw red meat to his base of racist supporters under the pretense that not standing was dishonoring veterans. That’s rich coming from a man who said a POW was not a war hero (I like people who aren’t captured), insulted Gold Star Families, and was himself a draft dodger.

Pence used the issue to stage a photo-op and even flew across the country to pull it off.

None of the critics have actually listened to what the protest has been about, instead pretending it’s something else. Screaming a lie about disrespecting the military is easier and more politically beneficial than confronting the reality that we have a social and legal system that discriminates against black Americans.

The National Football League was wise years ago when they prevented Trump from becoming a team owner. The “Buffalo Trumps” has a horrible ring to it anyway. The league should have exercised that same wisdom and refused to listen and pander to Trump.

The league is allowing players to stay in the locker rooms during the anthem, but will fine teams of any players on the field who refuse to stand. The teams can then punish the players any way they choose. Sure, the players are employees, but can an employer force employees to pledge loyalty? Expect a legal challenge.

The NFL uses patriotism as a marketing tool and even takes money from the Department of Defense to stage tributes in taxpayer-owned stadiums, in cities where they receive huge tax breaks.

The anger directed at the players is based entirely on race, not patriotism. You don’t see the same outrage from Republicans toward Trump for his disrespect of the troops. They don’t ask him to apologize and to be accountable for the attacks he’s waged. These are the same people complaining about “safe spaces” on college campuses.

It’s funny how people are told they can protest as long as they do it peacefully, then told to do it silently, and now they’re being told to do it where nobody can see them. Basically, the rule from Republicans is, don’t protest while black.

One solution the NFL didn’t take advantage of was, leave it alone. An atmosphere where you allow people to express themselves is stronger than one of forced compliance. Since the NFL failed, the players should practice a new protest.

I suggest they go on the field during the anthem and stand. While standing, they should put their fist in the air and give the black power salute like Tommie Smith and John Carlos did in the 1968 Olympics. The new policy doesn’t prohibit a raised fist while standing. Then, we’ll hear from the critics what their problems really are about black athletes making a point.

Standing up for your beliefs is honorable. Kissing Trump’s ass is a disgrace. Pandering to a wannabe authoritarian is un-American.

Watch me draw.

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State Of The Uniom


cjones02022018

With all that’s transpired over the past year, I’m surprised the State of the Union typo didn’t read “State of the Onion.”

What I’m going for with this cartoon is to show not just how surreal it is that Trump is president of the United States and addressing Congress, but how stupid it is. Within the last week alone he attacked a rapper on Twitter. How presidential.

His speech didn’t start off that bad for a 71-year-old man with a fourth grade reading level. It was the third-longest State of the Union ever, though it wasn’t because it contained a lot of words. Stupid people read very slowly. But, it can be considered a success because he stuck to the teleprompter, didn’t praise Nazis, and his teeth didn’t fall out. That’s a good day in Trumplandia.

Trump went for the cheap pops. America, troops, jobs, heroes, flag, blah, blah, blah. Every Republican was smiling except for Melania. I wonder why.

Trump bragged about the economy, jobs, and the stock market. He basically took credit for Obama’s accomplishments. Two things he did not mention was Carrier and Russian collusion. I wonder why.

Trump’s wolf whistle of the night was when he said, “My duty, and the sacred duty of every elected official in this chamber is to defend Americans, to protect their safety, their families, their communities and their right to the American dream, because Americans are dreamers too.” Do you know who loved that line? Richard Spencer and David Duke. They were highlighting it to their racist base. Spencer tweeted it out with a picture of a family that looked like they were from Norway.

But, it is funny he talks about protecting and defending America. He has ignored the attack on our democracy by Russia, their ongoing attack, their upcoming attack in the 2018 elections, and yesterday, he said he will not enact sanctions against Russia that Congress passed nearly unanimously. How’s that for protecting our nation? There has to be a pee tape behind this.

And then he did that thing he always does when he opens his mouth. He started lying.

He said wages were finally rising. Yes, they are rising, but not “finally.” They were rising under Obama and now, they’re rising at a slower pace. I wonder why.

He took credit for increased employment among blacks and Latinos without thanking Obama. He took credit for ISIS losing so much territory, which is a strategy started under Obama.

He boasted that because of the tax cut, Apple will invest $350 billion in America. The truth is, $275 billion of that was simply continuing the company’s past spending trends. The actual amount of new investment is around $37 billion.

He said the auto industry is now expanding and building plants in America. Toyota built a plant in Mississippi in 2011. Thanks to Obama, we still have an auto industry at all. Republicans, who complained about bailing out the auto industry and that it would be a disaster, are now taking credit for its growth.

He bragged about exporting industry, when in fact we import more than we export. He said coal jobs were coming back. If you work in the coal industry, you know that right now you’re probably not working in the coal industry.

He asked Congress for trillions to rebuild American infrastructure, rebuild the military, and build his stupid racist wall on the southern border. This, after he just signed a tax cut that will increase our debt.

Speaking of that tax cut, he claimed it is the biggest in U.S. history. It actually ranks as the 12th largest.

And then he got nasty. He used immigrant gangs to paint all immigrants as criminals, which isn’t the first time he’s done this (murderers and rapists). He claimed immigrants can bring in “virtually unlimited numbers of distant relatives.” That’s a lie. He is proposing to allow the Dreamers to stay if he can end the Visa Lottery system, “chain” migration, and build his stupid racist wall. Trump isn’t just trying to decrease illegal immigration (which has been going down for years), but legal immigration. His and Stephen Miller’s goal is to bring in fewer dark people from “shit hole countries” like Haiti and the entire African continent, and more white people from places like Norway, if we can somehow trick them into coming here (stop sending Stephen Miller out to talk on TV would be a start).

The part that bothered me the most, beyond all the stupidity and lies, was his cloaked, winked, and nudged allusion to firing the Special Prosecutor, the Deputy Attorney General, and perhaps more people in the State Department and FBI. Trump spoke of a proposal that will allow cabinet members (like the Attorney General) to remove government employees who “fail the American people.” Trump believes being caught committing treason and obstruction of justice will “fail the American people.”

I can think of one big orange government employee who is failing the American people.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Will The Real FLOTUS Please Stand Up?


cjones10112017

Melania, Ivanka, Ivana…I get all these Eastern-European female vampire names confused. For the first lady, I prefer Michelle Obama.

Melania, Donald Trump’s third and current wife and mother of Barron is feuding with Trump’s first wife, Ivana, mother of Ivanka, Donald Jr., and Eric. Marla, the second wife, and mother of Tiffany, has stayed out of the tiff thus far. Did I confuse you differentiating between these women? It was intentional.

The battle of the gold-digging trollops is over who is the first lady. Ivana was giving an unimportant interview to Good Morning America when she said she tries not to call her ex-husband too much because “I don’t want to cause any kind of jealousy or something like that because I’m basically first Trump wife. I’m first lady, OK?”

Obviously, it was a little joke and perhaps a dig, but would Melania really get jealous and territorial if Ivana called too much? Yes, she would, and did. Melania’s spokesperson issued a statement from the First Lady’s office because that office isn’t real busy to begin with, what with the anti-bullying campaign lying dormant. The statement read, “There is clearly no substance to this statement from an ex, this is unfortunately only attention-seeking and self-serving noise.” which is Eastern-European female vampire lingo for “uh-uh. You better step off, bitch!” It’s sad when plastic trophy wives feud.

Technically, the real first lady is Melania Trump, which is its own spin-off disaster of the waking-up-in-the-night-screaming disaster that is the Trump administration. Melania continues to plagiarize from Michelle so maybe she agrees with me about our former FLOTUS. Melania doesn’t behave like a first lady. She’s supposedly campaigning against online bullying yet, keeps her trap shut every time her psychotic, man-baby husband cyber bullies like it is something he learned by watching Mean Girls. In contrast, Michelle Obama’s campaign was for healthy eating, and Republicans wanted her to scold her husband every time he ate a plate of chicken wings.

The real first bitch in this administration is Mike Pence. And no, I don’t use the term “bitch” in a sexist manner. It can be applied to men, probably more so than women. Being a woman doesn’t make one a bitch. Being someone’s bitch makes you a bitch. And, I just broke one of my rules which is, if you have to explain why you used a word then you probably shouldn’t use it (like when white people use the N-word). But, I’m gonna use it anyway for today. Mike Pence is a little bitch.

Mike Pence attended Sunday’s NFL game between the San Francisco 49ers and Colts in Indianapolis (in a state where he used to be a bad governor which qualified him to be Trump’s bad vice president). During the National Anthem, several 49ers knelt. This offended Pence’s principles so much that he got up and left the game in protest at an event the administration says protests shouldn’t be allowed. He didn’t even stay long enough to get a hot dog. The man tweeted, “I left today’s Colts game because @POTUS and I will not dignify any event that disrespects our soldiers, our Flag, or our National Anthem”. It’s cute Mike Pence pretends he has principles.

The entire national brouhaha of black athletes protesting racial inequality in our nation by kneeling during the National Anthem was kinda dying down. Trump, who has used the issue to further divide the nation without even trying to understand why they’re protesting, ordered his vice president to attend the game just so he can walk out.

They didn’t take this opportunity to be sanctimonious douche bags. They created it.

Kellyanne Conway cries that this was not a staged political trick, even though the president has made it very clear that it was. Conway said to say it was a PR stunt is “outrageous, egregious and offensive.” When Kellyanne is using that many adjectives and sounding like Kramer’s lawyer on Seinfeld, you know she’s lying. Plus, she was talking which is another Kellyanne indicator of lying. She also said, “it takes a lot to get that man’s blood boiling.” She’s right. It does take a lot to get his blood boiling. His blood never boiled when Trump talked about grabbing pussies, praised Nazis, called the female mayor of San Juan “nasty,” made racist statements about Mexicans, or when he criticized American POWS and Gold Star Families. Nope, that man is a cool cucumber.

Pence flew to Indiana from Las Vegas. The press pool was told they shouldn’t even bother to leave their vehicles as Pence would only be there for a few minutes. Sure enough, Pence was only there for a few minutes and had a statement containing artwork prepared to go for the press. Pence then flew back out west, this time to California with his mother, I mean his wife.

The White House knew the 49ers would kneel. They’re from San Francisco which is in liberal San Francisco, California. They started the whole kneeling thing. They said they would kneel. Trump even tweeted that he ordered Pence, like his little bitch, to attend the game just so he could leave. He also tweeted that it was “long-planned.” These fuckers might wanna get on the same page as the sycophants they’re dispatching to defend them. It’s not a PR stunt, it is a PR stunt. Which is it?

Pence can’t give a speech without lavishing loving praise on Donald Trump. The phrase “under President Trump’s leadership” is always included at least once. It’s not delivered in the way praise is expressed in an American administration. It sounds more like something from North Korea. Mike Pence is a little poodle bitch there to take Trump’s orders and to forgo all principles, beliefs, and dignity.

The anthem protest isn’t about disrespecting our troops, the flag or a song. It’s about police brutality, racial inequality in our justice system, and in all aspects of America. Republicans aren’t able to comprehend that because they’re not critical thinkers. Plus, it’s just basic red meat to accuser others of being traitors while you shout “Murica!”. It’s really bizarre to me that the people accusing others of a lack of patriotism call the investigation into Russian meddling into our election as “fake news.” Patriots defend their nation. Traitors give cover to the bad guys invading it.

So, how much did this little PR stunt by Trump’s little snowflake bitch cost us, the American taxpayers? Around $250,000. Trump’s complaining how Puerto Rico is messing up our budget, but he’ll order poodle bitch to fly to Indiana to publicly display his panties are in a twist. In addition to the cost, it was a huge inconvenience for Indianapolis. They had to reroute traffic, plan security, tell fans to get there early…just so Mike Pence could spend thirty minutes at the game for a PR stunt.

The vice president of the United States was in the same building as a group of Americans who have a serious disagreement with the United States. A real leader would have used the opportunity to talk to them and attempt to at least understand why they’re upset. Mike Pence used it as an opportunity to stage a political spectacle and further divide the nation, and then he fled the scene.

Just like a little bitch.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Bearly Confirmed


cjones02082017

Betsy DeVos had a terrible performance during the Senate hearings on her way to confirmation as secretary of education. It’s a good thing she’s donated over $200 million to Republican causes and candidates, including many of the senators who voted for her. Even her defense of guns in schools to protect against bears didn’t hurt her among Republicans.

DeVos is a major backer of charter schools and vouchers. Even some charter school groups opposed her nomination. She exhibited a vast ignorance of how public education works. A lot of Republicans defend her selection by saying public schools have been messed up for years, so a new type of leader is in order. Many others say the department isn’t even important, so why care who leads it? Anyone who believes that shouldn’t be an influence on education of any kind.

Democrats staged an all-night vigil Monday to delay the vote on DeVos in hopes of collecting a third Republican to vote against her. They had two members from across the aisle, Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, but only after they were sure they wouldn’t be the defectors to kill DeVos’ confirmation.

Republicans are afraid of being on the wrath-end of a Trump tweet. That fear, and DeVos’ campaign contributions, assured a tie vote in the Senate. Vice President Mike Pence cast the tie-breaking vote, the first time ever for a cabinet confirmation.

In the past DeVos has stated that government “sucks” and that public schools are a “dead end.” It seems DeVos now has the opportunity to make those statements true.

Children will be safer with the bears.

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Taking Hostages


cjones12042016

Donald Trump went to Indiana on Thursday to brag about convincing Carrier, an air conditioner making company in that state, from going to Mexico and forcing more Americans out of work.

On the campaign trail he bragged that companies wouldn’t leave our nation anymore after he’s president because he’ll call them and threaten them with higher taxes.

None of that happened.

Carrier decided to keep part of their production in Indiana after receiving corporate welfare from that state’s taxpayers promised by governor and president-elect Mike Pence. They’re still shutting down a lot of their operation and leaving for south of the border.

Is this why Pence hasn’t resigned as governor? He’s not busy enough running Trump’s transition team and eating taco bowls in Trump Tower? He gave Trump high praise for keeping Carrier in Indiana on Thursday but the question remains: What exactly did Trump do? If Trump was president when bin Laden was taken out Trump would have claimed he was there and pulled the trigger.

I think it is good for a president to call CEOs and try to convince them not to move their production out of the country. Afterward the president can go in front of a crowd and lie about it, praise the company, and not mention the bailout he just gave them. If only Obama knew he could have bragged about saving the auto industry and didn’t have to mention the bailout.

What Trump has done is send a very loud signal to corporate America that they can hold their employees hostage. Trump shows he’s willing to give them “yuge” tax breaks to stay. This is like when NFL teams threaten their current cities by talking about moving to San Antonio. It’s how they get new stadiums and sky boxes.

Trump doesn’t care if he gives your money to rich Americans. Carrier wasn’t losing money. They were very profitable. They just weren’t as rich as they wanted.

The only sticky widget for the next bailout is that Trump will need 50 more governors as accomplices. Mike Pence won’t be governor of Indiana at some point between now and January.

Now maybe Trump can call that guy who manufactures crappy ties overseas.

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Hamilton!


cjones11202016

Vice President-elect Mike Pence decided to expand his culture a bit and attend the Broadway musical “Hamilton.” He was booed by the audience and then he received a lecture from the cast at the end of the show. The cast asked Pence to work on behalf of all Americans. Gee. If a Midwestern homophobe can’t be comfortable at a Broadway show what’s left?

Donald Trump, continuing the joke that he’s going to actually be president of the United States, took to Twitter. The man who says he never apologizes demanded the Hamilton cast apologize to Pence.

Trump accused the cast of “harassing” and of being very rude to the Indiana governor. Maybe he should have followed Donald this weekend to hide in his New Jersey safe space.

What did the cast say to Pence that can be considered so rude? Actor Brandon Victor Dixon, who plays Aaron Burr in the play, thanked Pence for attending and said he hoped Pence would “hear him out.”

“We, sir — we — are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us, our planet, our children, our parents, or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights,” he said. “We truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us.”

How dare he!

In case you’re from Indiana or don’t have any culture otherwise, “Springtime For Hitler” is a fake play within a play. It’s in Mel Brooks’ production “The Producers.”

A producer and his accountant figure out that they can make more money from a flop than a hit, that is if they oversell ownership in a Broadway play. If it’s a flop they can declare a loss and keep all the money. They seek out the worst script, worst director, worst music, and worst actors possible.

What they find is a very offensive play called “Springtime For Hitler” written by an insane New York City Nazi, enamored with Adolf Hitler.

At the start of the play the audience is very offended and begins walking out when Hitler, a very flamboyantly- gay Hitler comes out and starts prancing and dancing. The audience loves it believing the play to be a satire and it’s a huge success. The producers are screwed.

Mel Brooks, who is Jewish, loved to make fun of Hitler. Other than “The Producers” Brooks’ film “To Be Or Not To Be” totally cracked on Hitler, and it was a really sweet and funny movie that’s very underrated. A version of Hitler even shows up near the end of “Blazing Saddles.”

You have to love Mel Brooks, unless you don’t have any culture.

The funniest thing in all of this is that now Trump supporters are screaming for a boycott of the play “Hamilton.” Like I’m sure Trump supporters are big Broadway fans. Currently they’re giving their money to Starbucks and to show them, they’re demanding the baristas to write “Trump” on their cups so they have to shout “Trump” when their double-mocha-flappe-fratte-venti sprinkled with cinnamon is ready for them. One Trump supporter wants to sue Starbucks for discriminating against him because he’s white. Caucasians have been facing huge burdens throughout American history. He was caught on YouTube having a very public hissy fit.

I’m not sure these people should be drinking coffee. Maybe a nice glass of warm milk is more their speed.

Go find your safe space.

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That Mexican Thing


cjones10062016

If you had Googled “whipping out that Mexican thing” yesterday you probably would have stumbled upon some disturbing websites. Today you’ll find the most memorable line from the Vice Presidential debate which was made by Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence, governor of Indiana.

He was retorting back to Tim Kaine, U.S. Senator from Virginia, when he brought up Trump’s comments how Mexico is sending us rapists and murderers.

Pence did not fail defending Trump as much as he refused to defend him. When he did he was denying comments he or Trump had made, which were all lies. For this effort most analysts judged that Pence won the debate. The GOP was so excited about Pence winning that they went online an hour before to claim he won. Yes, they actually did that.

A lot of people were sour on Kaine’s many interruptions. Kaine took on the attack-dog role which is a new one for him. His performance gave the impression he had consumed many mochas beforehand, which I can relate to (I’m on my fourth cup of coffee now and I feel AWESOME!). Pence was very calm and patient and never got flustered or took the bait like his boss did. Pence also accused the Clinton/Kaine campaign of being one of insults, which is really hypocritical. Even during the debate Trump was tweeting out that Kaine looked like a villain from a Batman movie. Yes, he actually did that. Trump forgets he looks like he was an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka rolling an inflated Violet Beauregarde.

Pence even offered foreign policy proposals that are in direct opposition of those proposed by Trump, such as dropping bombs on Assad and confronting Russia.

Trump’s team will tell him to watch the debate and be more like Mike. They will have great difficulty making that happen, less enough getting him to watch the thing. Sorry, Donald. It’s not a sex tape….THANK GOD!

While Kaine is viewed as losing the debate, he really didn’t. He may have come off as not promoting himself for the future,which Pence did really well, but he gave his team a ton of material to use against the Trump/Pence ticket.

This cartoon isn’t real heavy but I wanted to do something with the “Mexican thing” comment. I also really like drawing Tim Kaine and his freaky eyebrow and look forward to future opportunities. I also don’t mind taking a lighter take with this as the debate won’t move any poll numbers and will be forgotten by Wednesday afternoon. We have another presidential debate on Sunday, more gaffes by Trump throughout the week, and a very dangerous hurricane approaching the East Coast.

I am excited for our future if it includes “whipping out that Mexican thing” in the form of taco trucks on every corner.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!