Speedy Thoughts and Prayers


While drawing this cartoon, I was afraid Texas Senator Ted Cruz and Texas Governor Greg Abbott would pull out of speaking at this weekend’s NRA convention in Houston, because it would be the right thing to do after a mass shooting with an assault rifle killed 19 children in their state. But fortunately, at least for my cartoon, Ted Cruz and Greg Abbott NEVER do the right thing.

After 9/11, one of the major networks pulled an airing of the 90’s disaster movie, Independence Day. They figured after the entire nation witnessed planes flying into towers that their viewers weren’t in the mood to watch aliens blow up the White House, the Capitol building, the Statue of Liberty, and the entire cities of Washington, New York, and Los Angeles. Sometimes after a mass shooting, networks will pull or reschedule a gun-packed action movie. They often feel it’s insensitive and in poor taste to watch Sylvester Stallone shoot 97 people in the head which is the usual body count in any Rambo movie. It’s usually in poor taste to watch any Rambo movie at any time.

So, you would think the National Rifle Association would pull or reschedule their gun orgy party for later. You would think they’d realize that gun humping in the same state where 19 elementary students were massacred would be in poor taste. But, this is America and it’s hard to predict a location and a date when there won’t be a mass shooting. Also, Republicans don’t have taste.

It took national outrage for Ted Cruz to flee Acapulco, where he escaped when Texas got hit by a winter freeze that was wiping power out across the state and killing Texans. Even Ted Cruz realized him being in Acapulco was in poor taste…or someone told him. So, Ted quickly returned to Texas to pose for photo-ops of him helping Texans put bottled water in car trunks while wearing a Texas flag face mask. Yee-haw, Ted.

But good ole Ted and Greg will be in Houston this weekend kissing NRA ass for NRA dollars. It won’t matter if someone tells Ted it’s in poor taste because he is owned by the NRA. He has to be there. And if one of the speakers pulls out, or the convention is canceled, it would be admitting that guns had something to do with the slaughter in Uvalde.

The “American Pie” singer, Don McClean, was scheduled to perform at the convention but he has since canceled stating it would be “disrespectful.” But don’t worry as there will still be music goodness by Lee Greenwood who’ll sing that song white nationalists and MAGAts love to circle-jerk to, where he sings, “I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free.” Shit. It’s in my brain! It’s in my brain!

In addition to Cruz, Abbott (who went to a fundraiser the night of the Uvalde massacre), Lee Greenwood, and circle-jerking racist MAGAts, Donald Trump’s going to be there too. Hmm, I wonder what they’ll talk about.

Will they have a moment of silence for the 21 victims of Uvalde? Will they offer responsible and real solutions to gun violence? Or, will they only offer thoughts and prayers? Of course, they won’t just offer thoughts and prayers, you cynical bastards. They’re going to offer a great big heaping pile of bullshit that’s not going to be helpful to anyone.

They’re going to blame the lack of mental healthcare even though they don’t want to increase funding for mental healthcare. They’re going to blame cancel culture. They’re going to blame liberals and Democrats. They’re going to blame transgenders. They’re going to blame the media and movies. They’re going to blame Twitter and Facebook. They’re going to blame Critical Race Theory. They’re going to blame Disney. They’re going to blame gay math books. They’re going to blame Planned Parenthood. They’re going to blame inflation and gas prices. They’re going to blame mail-in voting. They’re going to blame “globalists.” They’re going to blame immigration. They’re going to blame Joe Biden.

But they’re not going to blame the laws that allowed an 18-year-old to purchase two assault rifles. They’re not going to blame how easy it is in this nation to legally purchase an assault rifle. They’re going to rant against laws that increase background checks even though the majority of the nation supports them.

Most of all, they’re going to celebrate the 2nd Amendment which they believe states that every American can purchase as many killing machines as they can afford. They’ll celebrate the ability to purchase weapons that are created only to kill as many people as quickly as possible. They’re going to celebrate your constitutional right to purchase weapons designed to kill 19 children in a fourth-grade classroom.

And, they’re going to quote the 2nd Amendment while omitting the words “well regulated.”

They’re going to promote the idea that more guns in this country mean fewer mass shootings. They’re going to promote the idea that every teacher should be armed with a gun. They’re going to promote the “good guy with a gun” concept, that every room in this nation should be packed with people who are packing.

And they’re going to do it in a room they’ve designated as a gun-free zone.

Music note: I listened to Tito & Tarantula while coloring this.

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12 comments

  1. Clay… maybe you are reflecting on the lesser known and accepted “Tots and Pears” more suitable for hypocrisy. Why give real, heartfelt thoughts and prayers when you can use “(potato) Tots and (yellow) Pears”? Enjoy the play on words…

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  2. Spot on Clay.

    It’s funny you mention the MAGA circle jerk over “I’m Proud to be an American”

    I was in a snowbird bar in a western snowbird state last winter, and when the band began to play “I’m Proud to be an American”, literally everyone in the place (sans myself and my group of friends), stood from their seats, took off their hats, and placed hands over their hearts for the duration of the song.

    I thought I’d entered the Twilight Zone.

    And congratulations on you RFK Human Rights Book and Journalism Award.

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  3. They’re going to talk about the good news!

    *Civilians will be able to buy a civilian version of the XM5 the military replacement for the M4 (A short version of the M16a2)* which was designed with ammunition and power to penetrate body armor _before its in the hands of our soldiers_.

    The 2d Amendment was written to guarantee armed state militias, _which were to take the place of a large, standing military_.

    The military, in the historic experience of many of the founding fathers from the different colonies and states, had been used to punish some of the religious groups who sought freedom by coming to America.

    _Since 1781 we have had a standing army and a national guard why do civilians need to possess military grade weapons_?

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  4. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Insenitive and heartless … the GOP way!! … “They’re going to promote the idea that more guns in this country mean fewer mass shootings. They’re going to promote the idea that every teacher should be armed with a gun. They’re going to promote the “good guy with a gun” concept, that every room in this nation should be packed with people who are packing.”

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  5. If a manufacturer and batch number were etched onto each shell, they could perpetuate as many mass murders as they obsessively compulsively crave, without impeding the trajectory of the projectile. But when you’re in bed with murderers, you can’t leave a trail of bread crumbs on the sheets.

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  6. You wrote, “So, you would think the National Rifle Association would pull or reschedule their gun orgy party for later.”

    The operative word here is “Orgy” and that is exactly what it is.

    It should be obvious to anyone with common sense that the people who support this kind of stuff and who ally themselves with organizations that also support this kind of stuff view their guns as an extension of their sexual prowess and get their rocks off every time they smell gunpowder or hear the report (explosion) when a trigger is pulled. The entire gun scene has to be ejaculatory in the mind of some of these avid gun nuts. If this were not the case, they would all abhor the occurrence of mass shootings rather than worship at the altar of the demon responsible for them.

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