Texas

Purge To The Moon


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What scares Republicans more than a right-wing racist lie about a diseased caravan full of gang bangers, Islamic terrorists, and immigrants seeking to sponge off American welfare and vote illegally? American minorities who vote. Yikes!

Republicans create lies about millions of illegal voters destroying the integrity of our elections while working overtime to prevent legally eligible Americans from voting. For the past several decades, Republicans have been successful. Today, Republicans hold the majority in the United States Senate despite representing nearly 40 million fewer Americans than Democrats. The 51 Republican senators represents 143 million people while the Democratic Party represents 182 million. How do they do that?

For starters, Republicans represent more small states than Democrats. Every state has two senators (civics 101, people). So, South Dakota’s 563,000 residents have as much representation in the Senate as California’s 40 million residents. Out of the 30 smallest states, the GOP holds 35 seats to the Democrats’ 20. In the 20 largest states, Democrats hold 24 to the GOP’s 16. There are seven states (Alaska, Delaware, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming) that have more senators than congressional districts. These are the people who are deciding the shape of the Supreme Court for the next 40 years. And people wonder why I have trouble sleeping.

Having an unfair advantage in the system isn’t enough for Republicans. They still have to cheat. Their favorite method of holding more seats in the Senate, House, state legislatures, and governorships is to prevent minorities from voting. They’ve been doing it since the Civil War. The Democrats started it in the South and the Republicans took over in the 1960s. They’re still doing it today.

In Alabama, they closed as many locations as possible where African-Americans could obtain IDs. Basically, they make laws that you need an ID to vote and then make it as difficult as possible to get an ID. Do you know how hard it is to replace an ID? I had to do that last year and I needed my birth certificate (which Texas did not want to give me but gave it to my son. They probably thought I was black) and I had to use a college transcript for my secondary identification. You need IDs (plural) to get an ID. Lesson is; don’t lose your shit (or let a girl take everything that belongs to you).

In a majority-white county in Texas, they’ve been trying to prevent students from black-majority Prairie View University from voting for decades. The GOPs latest trick was to give them two addresses for the school to use as their residence when registering to vote, and later saying they’ll only accept one (Gotcha!). They later said they’d allow both after there were a very loud uproar and media exposure of the suppression attempt. Surprisingly, only one Democrat was arrested for complaining. Seriously.

North Dakota Republicans have successfully purged Native Americans, who typically vote Democratic, from voting by ruling that they need a street address. The GOP Supreme Court was just fine with this. Post Offices usually only deliver mail to P.O. boxes at reservations, so there are no street addresses on their IDs. Does Elizabeth Warren really want to prove she’s Native American? While Donald Trump attacks one, North Dakota attacks all of them.

In Georgia, the Republican Secretary of State has purged 53,000 voter registrations that weren’t “exact matches” with Social Security and state driver records. Out of those 53,000, 70 percent were from black applicants (Surprise!). The Secretary of State, Brian Kemp, was even caught on a leaked audio complaining about high voter turnout. Kemp is the Republican candidate running for governor, and he’s refused to step down as Secretary of State. Basically, he’s the referee of the game he’s playing. It’s like back when my older sister managed the bank while we played Monopoly. I never won and I was always stuck being the shoe.

Dodge City, Kansas, a city with 13,000 voters, only provides one polling place to vote. The average Kansas polling site services 1,200 voters. Now, the city has moved the polling place from the civic center to outside the city limits, and more than a mile from the nearest bus stop. You literally have to get the hell out of Dodge to vote. When the ACLU emailed a complaint to the county clerk, she forwarded it to the Secretary of State with “LOL.” Surprisingly, it wasn’t “bwahahahaha.”

By the way, Kansas’ Secretary of State is Kris Kobach who has a long and distinguished career of working to restrict minority voting under the ruse of illegal aliens voting. In his job, he fought to remove over 20,000 people from voter registrations (and he got seven convictions for voter fraud). He was vice-chair of Donald Trump’s Commission on Election Integrity, which was eventually disbanded as the basis for its existence. The claim of millions of illegal voters turned out to be a lie, and they failed to find any integrity among the members of the Commission of Election Integrity. Guess what Kobach is doing now? Yup. Running for governor.

We are supposed to agree to disagree and respect differences of opinions. But, I refuse to simply disagree when you’re cheating to steal an election and your opinions are repugnant, racist, vile, and based on lies. I can’t respect your opinion when you got it from a Facebook meme.

Republicans vote. Even in races that are tied or Democrats have a slim lead, the Republican candidate is favored because Republicans are better at turning out to vote than Democrats or Independents. That’s why YOU need to get off your ass and vote this coming Tuesday. Don’t let them steal this, because they will. Look at Brett Kavanaugh. They don’t care if there are asterisks as long as they get what they want. Your second lesson of today is; Republicans are corrupt.

The only way we can beat Republicans is if there are more of us participating honestly than there are of them stealing it from us.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Beto Vs. Creepo


cjones09202018

Beto O’Rourke, the Democratic candidate for the Texas U.S. Senate seat is being accused of pretending to be Latino by supporters of Senator Ted Cruz, a guy many accuse of pretending to be Caucasian.

O’Rourke is currently representing Texas in Congress. His first name is Robert, which is where the nickname “Beto” came from, as it’s often short for “Roberto” in Mexico. It was targeted in an attack ad by Ted Cruz, whose first name is “Rafael.” Go figure.

Ted Cruz is not a man of principles, ethics, or charm. His campaign also targeted O’Rourke for being likable and made fun of his past skateboarding and playing in a rock band. Whereas, any personality Cruz has is stored in the basement of the Alamo.

Despite being a Republican in deeply red Texas, Cruz is in trouble. He’s seeking help from Donald Trump, a man he once called a “sniveling coward” for accusing his father of being involved in the assassination of JFK, and for making fun of his wife’s looks. Did I mention Cruz doesn’t have principles?

Nobody really likes Ted. Al Franken once said he likes Cruz more than anyone else in the Senate, and he hated Ted Cruz. Lindsey Graham, a fellow Republican, once said you could shoot Cruz on the floor of the Senate and none of his colleagues would convict you.

If Cruz loses his reelection bid for his Senate seat, the GOP would hate losing the seat, but wouldn’t miss Ted.

You can tell a lot about a person who likes Ted Cruz. It’s a sign that you don’t want anything to do with that person.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Get Me To The Megachurch On Time


cjones08312017

Joel Osteen is a mega-preacher who operates a mega-church that makes mega-moolah. Financially, Osteen is worth around $56 million dollars. Ethically, he’s worth a lot less.

Osteen preaches out of Houston where he promotes “prosperity theology.” His televised sermons are seen by over seven million people each week, and over 20 million monthly in over 100 countries. His sermons are broadcast daily over Sirius XM Satellite Radio. He’s written seven New York Times Best sellers.

Joel lives in a mansion worth over $10 million dollars. His cathedral is the former arena for the Houston Rockets and it seats over 16,000 people. The arena is neat, sparkly, and clean and Joel wants to keep it that way.

After Hurricane Harvey hit the coast of Texas and flooded Houston, Joel tweeted out that he was praying for everyone. As warehouses, stores, and other churches opened up as evacuation centers, Joel’s church remained closed.

The church tweeted out that it was closed and recommended several other churches where the unwashed masses could seek shelter. They claimed their venue was “inaccessible due to severe flooding.” 

Some Houston citizens tweeted out photos of the area around the church that showed it was clear from floods. The church responded with photos of their own that show the place flooded. Despite the claim that they’re flooded, the church says it will provide sanctuary after all the other shelters are full. How are they going to provide sanctuary if they’re flooded? Hmmm?

Prayers are nice. Cash is better. Joel is a big believer in cash. Perhaps he can offer Houston a bit more than prayers.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Harvey Danger


cjones08302017

I have gone through four hurricanes in my life, so my heart is with everyone currently dealing with Harvey in Texas. However, I can’t help but make fun of a red state that claims they don’t need the federal government until a disaster shows up, and religious zealots who blame natural disasters on liberal stuff like gay marriage.

And, not just for natural disasters. In 2001, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell blamed 9/11 on the ACLU, gays, lesbians, pagans, abortionists, and feminists. It seemed the only ones they forgot to include was al Qaida.

Robertson also blamed Hurricane Katrina (which devastated New Orleans in 2005) on America’s abortion policy. He also blamed the Haitian earthquake in 2010 on a pact with the Devil that Haitians made to liberate themselves from French slave owners (the Devil must be a procrastinator because that rebellion occurred in 1791). In 1976, Robertson predicted that the world would end in 1982. Perhaps Robertson got mixed signals and confused the end of days with Grease 2 and “The Safety Dance.” Robertson also claimed that God told him Mitt Romney would win the election in 2012 and serve two terms. I seriously think God is fucking with Pat Robertson. He recently fell off a horse, which God didn’t feel like warning him about or that was his wrath for Patterson being a righteous dick.

In 2012, when Hurricane Sandy hit liberal New York and New Jersey, eight Texas lawmakers voted against increasing flood insurance, and 23 voted against emergency funding for victims. One of those was the biggest sanctimonious sack of crap to ever enter the United States Senate, but we’ll see where Ted Cruz stands with his state needing funding for Harvey, which some estimate the damages could reach nearly $40 billion.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott sued the federal government over environmental regulations back when he was the state’s attorney general. The Houston Chronicle’s editorial page said he “lead the charge against Obama-era climate regulations.” He also expressed concern that Obama was using the military for a “hostile takeover” of Texas. Right now, he really wants a federal government invasion led by FEMA.

The federal government will come. In fact, Donald Trump will visit on Tuesday, so Texas has that to look forward to. I think it’s awesome the president is taking time out from his busy schedule of tweeting, pardoning racist lawbreakers, and holding campaign rallies. It’s more than he did for Charlottesville.

I was born in Texas so I feel I’m allowed to make fun of them. I love Texans except for Texans who don’t live in Texas. Why? Because they never shut up about Texas. It’s the same deal with vegetarians. How do you know someone is a vegetarian? They’ll tell you….over and over and over. Same with Texans.

Creative notes: I don’t know if there are any “Yee-Haw” streets in Texas, but they do have stores that sell liquor and guns. Some are drive-thrus. Yup.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Abortion Ruling Wipeout


cjones06282016

Ever watch that game show Wipeout where contestants have to go through humiliating and extremely difficult physical obstacle courses to win the prize? The players are always getting knocked down, punched in the face, and knocked into a great big muddy pool. It’s a really cool show to watch if you’re drinking in a bar and the bartender won’t change the channel. Nobody watches that kinda stuff at home, or anything on that TruTV channel.

I drew a cartoon similar to this a few years ago that’s somewhere deep in my archives. There was an obstacle in front of an abortion clinic and I believe there were rattlesnakes and barbwire among the hazards.

Ever since the Supreme Court ruled abortion constitutional in 1973 Republicans have been trying to find ways to circumvent a woman’s right to choose, especially in red states.

Some of the obstacles they’ve constructed have been no public funding, no coverage of insurance, state-mandated counseling, licensed physicians, waiting periods, and making a girl call mom and dad.

Texas got real creative. They created a law requiring doctors to have admitting privileges at nearby hospitals and clinics to meet the standards of ambulatory surgical centers. These laws were closing clinics thus making fewer of them in the state and forcing women to driver farther from home, sometimes to another state, to get an abortion. Republicans claim these laws are for women’s health. Republicans being concerned about women’s health is laughable.

States can not enact laws creating undue burdens on women seeking abortions. That’s exactly what the Supreme Court, even with a vacancy the
Republican Senate refuses to fill, ruled Texas guilty of doing. Several other states have also made ridiculous laws on abortion and we can expect many of those to be struck down soon.

Republicans love to create obstacle courses for abortion, minorities registering to vote, immigration, getting on welfare, poor kids eating lunch, etc. The only issue it seems they want a clear path toward is buying a gun.

I think there should be Wipeout obstacle courses for Republicans before they can enact ridiculous laws. If nothing else it would be amusing to see them land in the mud. Wallowing in the mud is where they are the most comfortable.

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What’s In A Name?


cjones05142016

I got this idea a couple days ago but I held off on drawing it as I had already done a bathroom cartoon this week. I stored the idea in a folder I have for concepts I need to hold off on. Some of the ideas come to life while most wither away into obscurity. Some of the ideas get trashed as I have second thoughts on their quality or maybe for another reason. The folder is full of Trump ideas most of which I’ll never draw.

On Friday the Obama administration told public schools across the U.S. to let transgender students use the bathrooms and locker rooms that match their gender identity. Several states, such as North Carolina, Arkansas, Mississippi, Kentucky, and Texas are promptly freaking out.

The bullies say the measure is needed to protect women and children from sexual predators. The Justice Department and others argue the threat is practically nonexistent and the law discriminatory. This has become the Civil Rights issue of the day. Once again the conservatives are on the wrong side.

These conservatives would rather bully, intimidate, and punish kids and others over a nonexistent threat. This is a perfect example of the politics of fear. It’s easier to stoke the fears of the lower informed than to solve actual problems. It works as the more conservative voters are too distracted by the fear of men in dresses entering the little girls room than to ask politicians about funding for education and transportation.

The irony here is that the states are complaining about federal government overreach while the state of North Carolina tells local municipalities that they can’t enact tolerant laws. Conservatives are deaf to irony.

It seems the only jobs Republicans will create are for bathroom police. It’s funny they never lobbied for surveillance of churches where pedophilia has actually taken place.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Wanna Buy A Watch?


cjones02262016

Did you watch the latest Republican debate? The final debate before Super Tuesday as every debate is the final debate before something. I did and it was a slobberknocker. Basically it was Ted and Marco versus The Donald. It couldn’t have been much worse than if Trump was caught between the Pope, Vicente Fox, and Mitt Romney.

First impression I got was how sad it was to see President George H.W. Bush and former First Lady Barbara at the debate after Jeb had dropped out. It’s like your parents going to your little league game after you were kicked off the team.

The high point of the debate that will be talked about Friday was when Marco Rubio stated that if Donald Trump hadn’t inherited $200 million, he’d be selling watches in Manhattan. That was a good one. It was so prepared that Marco is pretend selling broken Trump watches at his site. You don’t actually get a watch but you get the privilege of giving Marco $10.00. The remark was as prepared as the audience because Rubio’s people had planted screamers to react to everything Marco said. It was annoying. This was supposed to be a debate, not Beatlemania.

But Marco came out swinging at Trump. He attacked him for his fortune, his taxes, his hiring illegals, his fake university, his lawsuits, donating to Democrats and charities (Republicans are so terrible that donating to charitable causes will be used agaist you), his bankruptcies,, his lack of specifics, and I’m kinda surprised he didn’t squeeze a “your mama is so ugly” in there somewhere. He hit Trump on issues that aren’t new, some out there for over a decade. Someone discovered Google.

Cruz was more than happy to join the pile-on. The thing is, where was this before? Why did they wait until the tenth debate to go hard against Trump? Rubio has yet to win a primary or a caucus and he’s behind Trump by double digits in his home state of Florida. Cruz is barely leading Trump in his state of Texas and has a lead in Arkansas, but that’s it. Did they do a Christie and hurt Trump without helping themselves? Quite possible. If Rubio loses Florida, it’s over for him. If he wins Florida, which is over two weeks from now and several primaries away, and half the delegates are already gone…it’s still probably over. Rubio might actually working on Campaign 2020 at this point.

For Trump, who states he can shoot a guy and his supporters will still love him, will any attack hurt him? Plus, people may not really interpret anything that was said as it was mostly inaudible as all three guys were talking over each other most of the night. Trump’s defense against his rivals were that Cruz is a liar and a basketcase and Rubio suffers from meltdowns.

Oh yeah, John Kasich and Dr. Ben Carson were also on the stage. Kasich, who is NOT a moderate, is the most qualified and prepared for the presidency out of all these guys. Carson, desperate for time, begged for someone to attack him. Seriously.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!