Glenn Youngkin made sure on his very first day as Virginia’s governor (ack) that we’d know just how horrible and inept he’s going to be.

On his first day as governor (ack) of Virginia, Youngkin signed 11 executive orders with one banning the teaching of “divisive concepts.” What are “divisive concepts”? Anything that scares white conservatives. What they’re aiming at here is Critical Race Theory, which Glenn Youngkin can’t even explain to you less enough, find one example of it actually being taught in a Virginia public school. But banning something that doesn’t exist makes it look like you accomplished something and got rid of it. Good job, Governor (ack) Fucknut. I have another idea. Let’s ban wooly mammoths from show-and-tell day.

Let’s go over it again. Critical Race Theory is centered around the idea that American society is presently impacted by the legacy of slavery and how that legacy factors into laws in the United States, business, culture, education, economics, opportunities, and all aspects of American culture. It’s less of a theory and more of an actual thing. Republicans claim this is a myth and to prove it, they ban it from being taught. How many times now have I told you Republicans don’t get irony? It’s like punching anyone who accuses you of being a violent person. Many states have banned the teaching of Critical Race Theory in the same legislative sessions they were crafting laws making it harder for black people to vote. Maybe we should teach irony in public schools…or in this case, private schools.

By the way, most private schools were founded during desegregation so rich white kids wouldn’t have to go to school with all the incoming black kids. It’s still the only real reason for private schools. Fight me on that.

Governor (ack) Youngkin also banned mandates requiring face masks to be worn in public schools. For the record, Critical Race Theory is not a real thing in public schools while Omicron is.

Governor (ack) Youngkin has one little problem with his mandate ban. That problem is, he can’t ban face masks mandates in public schools. There is a state law that says schools should adhere, “to the maximum extent practicable,” to any currently applicable mitigation strategies outlined by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Guess what the CDC advises with face mask mandates in public schools? The CDC guidelines include mask mandates for public schools.

Governor Youngkin (ack), being an idiot, has actually publicly supported this law by citing the part that “requires schools to offer full-time, in-person learning with limited exceptions.” He just didn’t read the second half of it.

Youngkin told an interviewer last week, “The way that Virginia works is that the governor cannot ban mask mandates. Schools make those decisions. We will in fact, then, also make sure that schools allow parents to exercise their rights for what’s best for their children, to opt-out of those mandates.” Uh…you know it’s not a mandate when you take away the mandate, right?

Republicans claim President Biden and Vice-President Harris are confusing but spend five seconds talking to this guy. Also, why should it be a parent’s decision that someone else’s kid gets covid? What’s next? Republican laws that make it easier for your kid to take a gun to school to kill someone else’s kid? Oh, wait.

Our new governor (ack) doesn’t know shit about education or science, so naturally, his first two executive orders were on schools and science.

The school systems in Arlington, Alexandria, and Fairfax are telling parents to ignore the new governor (Ugh) and that face mask mandates still stand. Ignoring idiots is good guidance. Maybe the CDC should issue something on that.

Youngkin is vowing to use state resources to attack schools that are trying to protect their students. This is reminiscent of when Attorney General (ack) Ken Cuccinelli used state resources to fight universities studying climate change. Enough with these goon agendas.

The General Assembly may change the law that requires schools to follow CDC guidelines, but the governor (ack) is trying to change the law all by himself with an executive order on his very first day in office (ack). Did I mention this was on his first day in office? It was on his first day in office our new governor (ack) tried to delete a law while creating more dangerous environments for our children. It’s going to be a long four years.

Congratulations, Virginia. You made a goon governor (ack).

Music note: Today’s tooning tunes were by Paul Simon and Pearl Jam.

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