mandates

Mandates. Yes, Please


Cjones09132021

President Joe Biden is getting tougher. On Thursday, President Biden said to the nation, “We have the tools to combat COVID-19, and a distinct minority of Americans, supported by a distinct minority of elected officials, are keeping us from turning the corner. These pandemic politics, as I refer to it, are making people sick, causing unvaccinated people to die.”

Now, the anti-vaxxers are going to triple down on playing the persecuted victims, because white conservatives are the most persecuted people in world history…and if you don’t believe me, ask one of them. What I respect about this is that President Biden admonished the unvaccinated fucknuts while his polls are dropping. He’s not playing politics with this. He’s doing what’s best for the nation, even though half the nation is going to boo-hoo their asses off over it.

Think about this: If this wasn’t to help the nation, why else would President Biden want to do this? Don’t give me that bullshit about him wanting to enact big government and control capitalism…or destroy capitalism. Don’t sell that fascist line after you spent four years supporting a fascist. But why would President Biden want do something that’s going to hurt him politically? Why would Biden want to hand Republicans a huge gift like this of a talking point if he wasn’t truly trying to save this nation?

On top of blaming the idiots for this, where the blame truly does belong, he mandated every business in the nation with more than 100 employees require their workers to be vaccinated or undergo weekly testing. Republicans are livid and vowing to fight this in the courts.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott called it “an assault on private businesses.”

South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster said Biden had “declared war against capitalism” and promised to “fight them to the gates of hell to protect the liberty and livelihood of every South Carolinian.” Yeah, sure.

The Federalist, a right-wing online publication for yee-haw douchey-doos, called it a “fascist move.” If the “Fascist Move” was a dance, it’d be all the rage at Mar-a-Lago.

J.D. Vance is a fucknut running for one of Ohio’s senate seats and he called for “mass civil disobedience,” urging Americans to refuse to comply with any new requirement or to pay any subsequent fine. Yeah, don’t listen to that guy.

It gets more extreme. Josh Mandel, another goose-stepping douche canoe running for that Ohio senate seat, warned that President Biden will send the Gestapo to enforce his order. I’d rather vote for Howie Mandel. At least he’s not a Nazi accusing other people of being Nazis.

But here’s the thing, kiddos: President Biden doesn’t need the Gestapo (sic). No, because big businesses is saying, “Yes, please.”

The fact is, this pandemic is hurting businesses. It’s been hurting them since the start of this pandemic. The economy is in a recovery mode now (partly thanks to Trump being defeated at the polls), but it’s a slow recovering. The pace would pick up greatly if more Americans would get vaccinated. Everyone fighting vaccinations and politicizing this is waging war, not just on Democrats and liberals, but on America. Every business owner, large and small, knows this pandemic is what hurt them. Wall Street knows it. Every bar and restaurant knows it.

Companies want their employees to be vaccinated. They want to mandate they do so and some companies have. But, other companies have resisted out of the fear some workers will quit and go to another company without a vaccine mandate. Now, President Biden has eliminated that concern for them. President Biden, in an act of leadership, is being the bad guy for America’s businesses. They now get to say, “Don’t blame me. Blame the president” while actually being giddy as shit this is going down.

An employee can quit over these mandates, but where’s he going to go? He can’t even drive Uber without getting the vax. He can’t collect unemployment either.

This will be taken to court with one argument being that the president can’t force people to receive vaccines. But, he’s not. If you work for a large company and don’t want to get the vaccine because Tucker (who has been vaccinated) told you not to, then you don’t have to. Just take a COVID test each week. I’m sure that’ll be fun and you can still claim you’re owning the libs.

President Biden has ordered the Labor Department to write an emergency rule requiring employers with more than 100 workers to demand weekly tests or proof of vaccination. Violations are punishable with fines up to $14,000 each. Ha! Ha! What gives President Biden the authority to do this? Congress gave it to him.

In 1970, Congress gave the Labor Department’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) authority to write regulations governing workplace safety, including emergency standards that are valid for six months. I’m sure some courts will strike it down and it’ll go back and forth, but how is not spreading a deadly virus at work not a workplace safety issue?

The other thing is, the government already does mandate vaccines. There are multiple vaccines required for attending public school. Did you attend public school? Then guess what, fucker. You got vaccinated against all sorts of nasty shit, whether you wanted it or not. And as I recall, I did not want it because I was a little chickenshit child deathly afraid of needles. I didn’t even think about what was in it or even what it was for. I don’t recall all of them, but I do recall being an elementary student in Elgin, Illinois standing in line for a shot and letting each kid behind me go in line before me. I was breaking in line backwards until I got caught.

And if I recall correctly, the needles used to vaccinate me as a child looked like harpoons used by whalers.

Republicans need to get the hell out of the way and help the rest of us save this nation. And why are Republicans opposing big business on this? The GOP is the big business party. They gave them all massive permanent tax cuts under Donald Trump. And it was Trump who hurt the economy by playing down, under his own admission, and politicizing the pandemic.

The Republicans gave up being the party that supports the troops, veterans, police, being anti-terrorist, anti-Russia, and being the party of family values. What are they going to give up next? Divorces?

Sure thing, Republicans. Stop being the party that supports capitalism. While you’re at it, why don’t you stop being the party of racism, sexism, and against free elections? How about you stop being the party that spreads lies and conspiracy theories? Or best of all, just stop being a fucking cult.

President Biden is being a leader. He’s doing something half the country will rip him apart for, and he knows it. The Republicans are going to excoriate the president over this. They will win a lot of independents who will see this as an overreaching move by Biden and big government. They could possibly bring him down with this.

And all the while, the president will be saving the country.

Note: I’ve been trying to cut down on my cursing in the blog. But every time, fucking Republicans.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Fun With Interpretations


CNN08292021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

In addition to struggling with having no senses of humor, being oblivious to their own hypocrisy, failing wildly at using equivalences, and not having any understanding of irony, Republicans suck at comprehension. Sure, sometimes they do understand what was said or what they’re reading and they choose to conceal, bury, or lie about it, but that’s heaped on top of their inadequacy with the smarts.

Republicans love to identify themselves as “constitutionalists,” which is a joke because like with most things they claim, they’re the exact opposite. It’s like when they claim they’re more patriotic than anyone else while supporting an insurrection because they lost an election. That insurrection brings us back to the Constitution because these constitutionalists were trying to stop Congress from certifying the election…a process instructed by…wait for it…the United States Constitution.

Lately, Trump supporters are screaming about the 25th Amendment, probably because someone at Fox News pointed it out and explained it poorly. The 25th is something they harumphed out of the room when when Tiny was talking about injecting disinfectant and incoherently rambling “woman, man, person, camera, TV.” But there’s only one constitutional amendment Republicans usually talk about and that’s the Second Amendment.

The hilarious thing about Republicans and the Second Amendment is that it’s their entire creed. It’s what they cling to and have wrapped their entire gun-humping existence onto. Yet, even though the horny-for-guns crowd has used the Second to justify their entire lifestyle of walking into Dunkins’ strapped for bear and Black-Lives-Matter protesters, they leave out, not just a portion of the Second, but half the flipping sentence they base everything on.

The Second Amendment states, “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” But when a Republican gun-humper quotes it, he only reads, ” the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” They leave out the first half of the sentence. Do you know why? Because the Second Amendment is LESS about guns and more about “well-regulated militias.” Sure, militias are armed but that doesn’t mean you get to stockpile AKs by the dozen in your shower.

Somehow, “well-regulated militia” got tossed and the interpretation has been warped to mean every maniac in the nation has a right to own every sort of gun that has ever been invented. Any regulation of this, such as background checks, waiting periods, limits on ammunition sales, preventing sales to minors, stopping minors from transporting automatic rifles across state lines to shoot black people, preventing sales to Jihadists at gun shows, preventing sales to anti-Semites, Islamophobes, and Trump supporters with internet manifestos, or preventing insane people in general from owning guns is considered by Republicans as “infringement.” And goddammit, the Constitution says their right to dry-hump an Uzi “shall not be infringed.”

Leaving out half of the first sentence in the Second Amendment would be like religious fucks only counting a few of the Commandments Moses brought down from the mountain. Oh, wait. They’re been doing that for the past five years for Donald Trump.

Number one: “I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any gods before Me.” Oops. If you’re a Trump supporter, you are literally in a cult for Mr. Two Corinthians. If you’re a fundamentalist Trump supporter, in the style of the way gun-rubbers do with the Second Amendment, you’d only quote, “I am the Lord thy God.” That’s it. Nothing about not having “any gods before me.”

Number two: “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” You fucked that one up too. GropenFuhrer has been known to take the Lord’s name in vain. At a rally, in public, while talking about Islamists, he said, “They’ll be hit so goddamn hard.” At that very same rally, he said, “If you don’t support me, you’re going to be so goddamn poor.” If you’re a fundamentalists Trump supporter, you’re such a goddamn hypocrite.

Number three: “Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.” Did you ever see Trump in church, where he said is where you go to, “drink your little wine and eat your little cracker?” For Trump, church was to only be used for photo-ops. Only crackers support Trump.

Number four: “Honor thy father and mother.” I’ll give you this one. Trump seemed very fond of his racist crooked father. I probably would be too if I was given a $200,000 monthly allowance from the age of two and had my casinos bailed out by my dad. But you know what? I’m taking it back. Because Trump’s attacks on women does not honor his mother.

Number five: “Thou shalt not kill.” People died because of Donald Trump. Donald Trump incited mass shootings, terrorists attacks, and could have even saved lives if he had put combating the coronavirus pandemic before his own insecurities. Donald Trump politicized a pandemic that has now killed over 637,000 U.S. citizens. And you wanna impeach Biden over 13 American deaths? Thou shalt get the fuck out of here.

Number six: “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” I will laugh all you family-value fuckers out of the room.

Number seven: “Thou shalt not steal.” Grifty McGrifts-a-Lots is still stealing from the United States government which means he’s stealing from you. As a former president (sic), he can’t steal as much so he has to focus on grifting from his supporters. But then again, they’re the only people stupid enough to pay $15.00 for ten straws. I’m not making that up. I just visited his page to confirm that and now I have to take a shower. I would post a link to prove it, but Thou shalt not post any MAGAt links on my goddamn page.

Number eight: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.” That means lying. The orange shitweasel lied so much that news outlets created trackers, which they also did for his golf outings. The Washington Post counted 30,573 lies. That’s a lot of false witness bearing.

Number nine: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” He was on that Access Hollywood tape literally coveting his neighbor’s wife. In his own words, “I moved on her like a bitch.” Thou shalt not move on her like a bitch.

Number ten: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.” This doesn’t just cover theft. It also covers greed. Donald Trump is a very selfish person who didn’t just steal from everyone he’s ever encountered, cheated on his taxes, and grifted from inside the White House. He also publicly wished for what others have. He’s on record wishing he was as rich as real billionaires. He spent his entire tenure pining for the respect, wisdom, and good looks of President Barack Obama, who moved out of the White House and into Donald Trump’s head where he continues to live rent free.

Republicans hear things how they want to hear them and haven’t been able to interpret anything accurately since Ike was president. So, when an anti-vaxxer MAGAts wants to talk to me about the Constitution, please.

Thou shalt not talk bullshit.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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