Long Night In The Q Patch


cjones03092021

After election day and Joe Biden passed Donald Trump in the vote count, Republicans held onto hope, with many believing that Trump would come back and win the presidency. When that didn’t happen, hope turned into conspiracy theories and Republicans truly became fucknuts.

Trumplicans believed that on December 20, the day electors meet in their respective states and cast their votes for president and vice-president, that Trump would be given an Electoral College victory which the GOP would have had to pull out of their asses. Republicans, including the president (sic) of the United States believed electors in several of those states would defy the will of their people and hand the election to Donald Trump. Donald Trump even invited legislators from Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania to the White House to convince and strong-arm them to overturn the election. That didn’t work. Even Big Macs under heat lamps didn’t sway them.

Trump’s lawyers filed over 60 lawsuits across the nation with each one failing. They held press conferences where Rudy Giuliani’s hair melted. There were hearings held in state capitals where legislatures actually patronized Rudy…for which he only brought conspiracy theories, insane witnesses, and farts. Trump’s other lawyer, Sidney Powell, spread conspiracy theories that voting machines created by the late Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez, financed by George Soros, controlled by President Obama, President Bill Clinton, and Secretary Hillary Clinton, switched votes from Trump to Biden.

Senator Lindsey Graham, who represents South Carolina (in case you’re a Republican, is NOT Georgia), called officials in Georgia to convince them to give the state to Trump even though President Joe Biden had won it. Then, Donald Trump called officials in the state and threatened and demanded they make up votes to give him so he could surpass Biden in the count. And some people are saying, “Hmmmm…maybe that’s illegal.”

December 20 came and went and Joe Biden was still the President-Elect. Then, Trump called his supporters, you know, terrorists, to come to Washington, D.C. on January 6, when Congress was certifying the election. His white nationalist terrorists attacked the Capitol, wounding many and killing cops, to overturn the election. It was a bloody coup attempt. But the count went on and Joe Biden was officially President-Elect of the United States of America.

Then, the Qanon crowd believed Trump would enact martial law and during Joe Biden’s inauguration on January 20, the military would rush the podium and arrest him and Kamala Harris. For good measure, they’d also arrest President Obama and Hillary Clinton. Lady Gaga was probably in trouble too. Nobody was arrested, there was no martial law, and from the looks of it, everybody had a good time…except for Mike Pence. He looked like that guy at the party nobody wants to talk to.

Instead of declaring martial law, Donald Trump flew down to Florida. He refused to attend the inauguration because he’s a whiny little baby. He even left before noon so he could use Air Force One one last time without having to ask the incoming president for permission. Usually, the outgoing president does use Air Force One to leave the capital, but they only do so with the grace and permission of the incoming president…as long as they return it with a full tank. This request has never been refused. But, Donald Trump didn’t want to ask Joe Biden because that would have been an admittance Biden is president.

Donald Trump is the first president to refuse a peaceful transfer of power. He delayed the presidential transition, thus endangering the nation and trying to leave as much of a mess as possible for Biden to clean up. He delayed briefings on national security for the President-Elect. Donald Trump put himself before the security of this nation. And on a petty score, he refused to invite the President-Elect and incoming First Lady to the White House. For the record, President Obama invited Trump and Melania to the White House, greeted them on the steps of the White House on inauguration day, and attended the ceremony. Do you know who else was at Donald Trump’s inauguration in 2016? Joe Biden.

Election Day didn’t work out for Trump supporters. Then December 20, January 6, and January 20 didn’t work out for them. Finally, Qanon fucknuts can accept they lost, it’s over, Trump is now a former president (sic), Joe Biden is President, and it’s time to move on. Right? Wrong.

They decided that March 4 was the date Donald Trump would return and become president again…or something like that. What is this based on? Glad you asked because it’s crazy.

In 1871, Congress passed the District of Columbia Organic Act. This made the District of Columbia a self-governing body, a municipal corporation. It has no relation to the presidency. But, Qanon fucknuts believe that on this date, the United States of America became a corporation which is controlled by foreigners and a deep state of satanic-worshipping baby-eating pedophiles along with assorted lizard people.

Why March 4? Because that’s when lizard people’s eggs hatch? Is that when baby blood starts to turn so you better drink up? No. That’s when presidents used to be inaugurated. Congress moved the inauguration to January 20 after passing the 20th Amendment to the Constitution in 1933, the same year Franklin Delano Roosevelt ended the gold standard. QAnon believers argue that in ending the gold standard, Roosevelt transferred power to a group of shadowy foreign investors who have since been controlling the US government.

We’re about to get deeper: Qanon fucks believed that Ulysses Grant was the last legitimate president. Thus, when Trump returned on March 4, he would become the 19th president and the first legitimate president since Grant. But wait. Wouldn’t that mean Donald Trump was never president from 2017 to January, 2021? Shut up.

I also don’t get why Grant was the last legitimate president. Roosevelt’s first inauguration was on March 4, so was Herbert Hoover’s one. One, because he was a one-term loser like Donald Trump. If someone can explain this about the inauguration date (and I’ve researched), leave it in the comments.

Others also believe that Trump and Biden are actually working together, Trump never left, he’s still here, and it’s all a ruse because…wait for it…Trump and Biden switched bodies.

Trump me on this. Nobody wants to switch bodies with Donald Trump.

So, now that March 4 has passed, I guess it’s over. Right? Wrong.

Qanon fucknuts have moved the goal posts to March 20. Why March 20? The only thing I can find is that’s when many believe the Republican Party was founded in 1854. Of course back then, the Republican Party was the liberal party. The Qanon Shaman and Marjorie Taylor Greene have nothing in common with Abraham Lincoln.

Oh yeah, they also believe Trump still controls the military and on the 20th, he’s going to round up everyone who voted to impeach him or merely said bad things about him, and have them all arrested along with…Oh, sweet mother of monkey milk…the Pope.

Nobody tell the Qanon goons that President George Washington’s first inauguration was held on April 30. That would mean when Donald Trump does come back, he’ll be the second legitimate president.

Of course, all this shit persists because Qanon is a cult, being a Trump supporter is being in a cult, and Donald Trump won’t say anything to debunk any of this. This is the same guy who secretly took the covid vaccine. Why in secret and not do it in public like Biden, Harris, Obama, Clinton, Bush, etc? Because it would hurt the campaign he waged politicizing the virus, again, putting himself before the safety of the country he swore to protect. Or maybe, when he took the vaccine, it was really a serum for body switching with Joe Biden. Yeah! That’s it! And it was administered by a lizard guy in a doctor’s coat.

And everyone said, “Hey, Clay. What are you going to draw when Trump is gone? You’re going to miss Trump.” I haven’t had time to miss Trump.

Creative note: Usually when a cartoonist uses another cartoonist’s creation and characters in a cartoon, they write “apologies to” the cartoonist they borrowed from. I forgot to do that. And if anything, I really owe Charles Schulz an apology for making Linus a member of Qanon.

Correction: I originally had Hoover with TWO inaugurations. But, he only had one. Kudos to Robert Coutinho (who sent me an email) and the reader in the comments who caught it.

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26 comments

  1. And let us not forget that . . . JFK Jr is not really dead and will be drumpf’s VP. I don’t know which is more unbelievable . . . that JFK Jr is coming back from the dead (one version)/isn’t really dead (another version) OR that he would be a rethuglican. Obviously, no one’s done any research into JFK and RFK’s policies. But then, truth and reality aren’t relevant to them.

    Love the use of the pumpkin patch for this comic . . . very apropos.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I guess you’re not reading the same conspiracy YT videos as I am . . . and I’m reporting/flagging each and every one. Something to do during the quarantine that stretches before me endlessly.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nope, madness lies in letting them go unchallenged. And I’ve noticed some have disappeared (Giuliani’s been banned from YT; his channel was one I reported continuously). If more people would do this, more lies would be taken down.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Not true.My father declared himself to be the meanest man alive in 1955. He said he was too mean to die. But he died, less than 20th years later. I did not attend his funeral.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. HAH! When my dad died, I was 2000 miles away; he was cremated and when I finally picked up the cremains several weeks later, they stayed in the garden shed. No funeral, no obit; he ended up in the Colorado River, right thru México, whose people he loathed. I smudged the house twice, but the bad karma remained and I sold it as quickly as possible. He was 90.

        Like

  2. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    The “date” keeps changing! Find out why … this is the next one: March 20!!
    “Qanon fucknuts have moved the goal posts to March 20. Why March 20? The only thing I can find is that’s when many believe the Republican Party was founded in 1854. Of course back then, the Republican Party was the liberal party. The Qanon Shaman and Marjorie Taylor Greene have nothing in common with Abraham Lincoln.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Clay, you had the answer to why the Qnuts believe Grant was the last legitimate president in your text. He was president in 1871 when the government was taken over by whoever took it over in 1871. (This should also make Grant the first illegitimate president.)
    By the way, Hoover had only one inauguration, 1928.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True about Hoover. I fixed that after I received an email. But Grant was not the last president to be sworn in on March 4 and the thing with Roosevelt wasn’t until 1933. So, what up with 1871?

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The two Q- people I’ve been keeping an occasional eye on, have gone totally into this weird alternate reality fantasy. I strongly suspect mental disorders. One of them used to run a blog on PsychCentral; I wonder if this is why it no longer exists…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When they can find a Bizarro World of peers, it’s unclear if they’re individually deranged — like the Salem Witch trials. Their reputations didn’t turn to shit until they were exposed to normal people.

      Were Jim Jones’ cultists insane? They tried to escape to the jungle when he brought out the Koolaid. They were forced to drink it at gunpoint. Nice guy, Jim! Cool sunglasses, though. Asses in sunglasses.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nitpicking here – it was FlavorAid. Either KoolAid wasn’t available, or it was too expensive; I’ve often wondered which. There are some well-done videos on YT; I find the entire phenomenon of ‘cultism’ – and I include ALL religions in the definition of ‘cult’ – fascinating. Never thinking it would impact my own life, albeit indirectly.

        I wish the Rapture would come and take all these eejits away so the rest of us can live in a better, more logical and educated world.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, I sometimes wonder if mass population arose too quickly (a few thousand years) for societies to adjust. Little neolithic villages or nomadic bands could worship fertility figurines or animal totems without plaguing millions of other people, who didn’t even exist yet,

        The fiercest religions and the fiercest wars appeared to evolve simultaneously.

        Like

  5. These are the Einsteins who are going to unseat Lisa Murkowski in 2022, because it worked out so well when they knocked her out of the last primary, and 138,000 Alaskans correctly spelled “Murkowski” in the general election write-in space,

    Like

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