Qanon

Full Approval Meets Full Crazy


Cjones08252021

I have a friend, let’s call him Mr. Jingle Balls. A few months ago I bumped into Mr. Jingle Balls and his girlfriend in a bar and we decided to sit at a table together and catch up. It had been a while since I’d seen either one of them. We got around to talking about the vaccine for the coronavirus. Ms. Jingle Balls told me she had gotten the vaccine and was glad she did but then went over her entire experience with it because she’s neurotic. Mr. Jingle Balls told me he had not gotten the vaccine and he wouldn’t. I was intrigued.

I didn’t want to debate Mr. Jingle Balls over a beer in a bar but I did want to know why he refuses to get vaccinated. I told him I wasn’t challenging him or trying to debate, but I just wanted to know why. Talking to a real person with a different viewpoint outside of social media is something everyone should do. Get out of your bubble, people. He didn’t go into great detail just stating it wasn’t the kind of thing he does. OK, he didn’t want to get into it but his answer didn’t make any sense. If it’s concern about a strange substance going into his body, that concern is gone with the whiskey, beer, and cigarettes he consumes. Also, he has a Kiss tattoo which is probably double the toxin being that it’s of Gene Simmons. Everyone knows the only safe Kiss tattoo to get is of Ace Frehley. Right now you’re probably asking, “How does Mr. Jingle Balls have a girlfriend?”.

Fun fact: Gene Simmons, like the FDA, has fully approved a vaccine to the coronavirus. You have to be fully vaccinated to attend a Kiss concert. Gene Simmons, the Demon, also claims to have slept with over 4,800 women, so he probably got over the fear of vaccines decades ago.

But, Mr. Jingle Balls isn’t someone I would classify as anti-vaccine. I mean, for himself, yeah. But he’s not on social media waging a war against the vaccine. He’s not trying to persuade people not to get it. Even when we were talking, he didn’t say anything discouraging about the vaccine and that’s one reason why I didn’t want to argue with my friend. For him, it seems more of a personal choice. That’s something anti-vaxxers should not. It’s still a choice.

I have another friend who we’ll call Crazy Mama (because she is), who is definitely anti-vaccine, and shockingly, she’s not a MAGAt wingnut. In fact, she hates Donald Trump but I think she hates vaccines more. She’s been all over social media waging a war against the vaccine and because I love her, I have not challenged her on this (but I have challenged her before on NASCAR. She loves NASCAR and probably has a #3 tattoo somewhere on her body. I’ve never seen her naked, so I don’t know. No, this doesn’t mean I’ve seen Mr. Jingle Balls naked). But, I did ask her once, “why?”. Crazy Mama told me because it hasn’t been approved by the FDA. Well, what’s her excuse going to be now?

The FDA has given full approval to the Pfizer vaccine. What has Crazy Mama got to say about this? I don’t know because since the announcement yesterday, all she’s posted on her Facebook page has been giraffe videos. So she has a thing about giraffes. I knew this. She probably has a giraffe tattoo with a #3 on it.

Yesterday, the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) gave full approval to the Pfizer vaccine to the coronavirus. They’re calling it a “key achievement for public health.” The FDA says the approval means “the public can be very confident that this vaccine meets the high standards for safety, effectiveness, and manufacturing quality the FDA requires of an approved product.” That means it’s no more dangerous than McNuggets.

Why wasn’t it already approved? And how was the product made available to the public before the FDA approved it? Why does anyone eat McNuggets? Those are three good questions.

The reason it was available is because the FDA granted emergency use. That’s kind of an approval right there and we were and are in an emergency. The reason it took so long for an approval is because the FDA takes its business seriously and the vaccines have to go through a full review. A full review does take time. Part of that review requires data on how people fared six months after being fully vaccinated. The reason some people eat McNuggets is fuck if I know.

Did you know they come in a 20-piece? Who in the hell can eat 20 McNuggets? Why would anyone eat 20 McNuggets? The late great Anthony Bourdain once said the McNugget is the most disgusting thing he’s ever put in his mouth, and this is coming from a guy who once ate a roasted anus from a water buffalo.

The two-dose Pfizer vaccine is approved for those 16 and over. There is still an emergency use authorization for those 12-15. The other vaccines, Johnson & Johnson, Moderna, AstraZeneca, etc, will probably follow with FDA approval. There are at least 22 vaccines for the virus worldwide. One is from Russia and even called Sputnik, which if it’s anything like their misinformation propaganda outlet with the same name, I’d have less fear in the anus from the water buffalo. But, still probably better than a McNugget.

A lot of people like Crazy Mama argue there wasn’t enough time to develop these vaccines for them to be effective. They’re wrong. Covid-19 is a successor to the SARS virus outbreak of 2002-03. Scientists have been developing vaccines for SARS since which is nearly two decades. Science stands on the shoulders of science.

Seriously, if you’re afraid of putting the vaccine into your body but you smoke, drink, get tattoos, eat McRibs and McNuggets, shut up.

Hopefully, full approval by the FDA will sway people who have been hesitant to get the vaccine. Dr. Anthony Fauci (who is another Anthony that would probably advise against eating McNuggets) speculates it will convince 20 percent of those who’ve been resistant. It probably won’t sway anti-vaxxers at all. But, it should create more mandates. The full approval will allow the Defense Department to mandate that all service members become vaccinated against the coronavirus. This isn’t as big of a deal as it sounds as the military has always mandated vaccines for its members.

Unfortunately, there still aren’t vaccines to fight against stupid and crazy…or McNuggets.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Trump Cabinet


Cjones08082021

You can be forgiven if your first response to hearing Donald Trump is meeting with his cabinet at one of his golf clubs is, “What fucking cabinet? Is he insane?”

Yes. Donald Trump is insane. What’s worse is that people we suspect may not be totally bonkers are enabling his insanity.

If you know someone who thinks he’s Napoleon, you should probably call specialists who send trucks to pick up people like that instead of enabling him with something like, “Pardon, me sir…but will Lady Josephine be joining us at Waterloo today?”

Mark Meadows, Trump’s chief-of-staff from when he actually was president (sic), told Newsmax he visited Trump at Bedminster in New Jersey and, “We met with several of our cabinet members tonight.”

Uh, what cabinet? Let’s make something clear. Donald Trump does NOT have a cabinet because Donald Trump is NOT president. Maggie Haberman of The New York Times said, “I can’t stop thinking about this interview. The former chief of staff is talking as if there’s a shadow presidency going on (there isn’t) at a time when there’s a conspiracy theory that Trump will be reinstated (he won’t).”

Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics, a non-partisan watchdog group, said, “We can’t believe we have to say this, but no, Donald Trump is not secretly running the country from a golf course in New Jersey.”

I can’t believe I have to say this but Donald Trump is NOT the president.

There are people who still believe Donald Trump is the president. There are others who believe he was robbed and will return to the presidency on August 13. There are people who believe both, that he’s still the president and he’ll be reinstated as president…don’t ask me how that works. Donald Trump is selling all of this.

Lin Wood, a pro-Trump attorney, recently told a crowd of MAGAts, that Trump “is still the guy the military will call” in the event of a crisis. He added that President Joe Biden only APPEARS to be president. Yeah, winning an election, living in the White House, and signing bills into laws will give off that appearance.

Here’s a free legal tip: When hiring a lawyer, ask him or her if they support Donald Trump and if they think he’s still president. If the answer is yes to either, find another lawyer.

Mark Meadows will not identify the members of this cabinet. Here’s a fun fact, presidents don’t have secret cabinets. Cabinet members have to be confirmed by the United States Senate. It’s really hard to keep their identities concealed during confirmation hearings in the Senate. You don’t just pluck fuckers off a golf course and install them into a presidential cabinet. No. You do that with ambassadorships.

But Donald Trump is nuts. He probably believes he has a cabinet because he thinks he’s still president and will be reinstated on August 13. What I need to know now is, what date are they going to claim after August 13 passes and Trump is still just a whiny wedding crashing conspiracy-spreading lunatic on a golf course?

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow lunatic, believes Trump will be reinstated on August 13. There are members of Qanon who believe Trump is secretly controlling the military and they’ll overthrow the Biden presidency for him on August 13. These people don’t seem to understand they are opposing democracy. Donald Trump, in direct opposition to democracy, is trying to become a fascist dictator. We don’t install or reinstate presidents. Presidents in this country are elected.

Is Donald Trump forcing is secret golf club cabinet to sign documents stating the election was corrupt? That’s what he attempted to do with the Justice Department before the insurrection at the Capitol by his white nationalist terrorists.

On December 28, Jeffrey Clark, a Trump goon in the Justice Department and acting head of the Civil Division, addressed a letter to the governor of Georgia and state legislative leaders stating the department was “investigating various irregularities” in the presidential contest and that it had “identified significant concerns that may have impacted the outcome of the election.” It proposed that the Republican-controlled Georgia legislature call a special session, ignore the will of the voters, and send alternate electors to Congress on January 6 giving the state’s electoral college votes to Donald Trump. The Georgia state legislature didn’t do that but now they are changing the laws giving them the power to basically do just that.

The acting attorney general, Jeffrey Rosen, and acting deputy attorney general, Richard Donoghue, rejected the letter. Donoghue wrote, “It is not the Justice Department’s place to tell states how to overturn election results.” I don’t know if Georgia ever got the Trump goon’s letter, but they did get a phone call from Trump telling them to overturn the election.

Donald Trump called election officials in Georgia and told them to “find me the votes.” He was demanding they create votes out of thin air and overturn the election in his favor. He even threatened them with criminal charges if they didn’t comply. He told them, “All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have because we won the state.”

On December 15, Trump called Rosen into the Oval Office to insist he file legal arguments claiming the election was stolen. Rosen refused.

This is where it gets good.

On December 27, Trump called Rosen at the Justice Department and told them they “may not be following the internet the way I do,” because they weren’t aware of all the conspiracy theories he had read and believed about the election being stolen. I mean, why couldn’t the Justice Department just take Sidney Powell’s word for it? Why couldn’t the Justice Department just release that invisible “kraken?” At the very least, can’t the acting attorney general spend a few hours every day scrolling through 4chan?

According to notes taken by Donoghue, Rosen told Trump he needed to “understand that the DOJ can’t + won’t snap its fingers + change the outcome of the election, doesn’t work that way.”

The notes record Trumps response as, “I don’t expect you to do that. just say that the election was corrupt + leave the rest to me and the R. Congressmen.”

Two days later, Trump sent Rosen and Donoghue a draft lawsuit he hoped would be filed with the Supreme Court. It was a duplicate of a lawsuit filed by the state of Texas the court had already declined to hear. That was the lawsuit where Republican Trump goons in Texas filed a lawsuit against another state’s election. Maybe that Texas attorney general is on Trump’s secret golf club cabinet.

Trump’s goon in the Justice Department, who had written the conspiracy letter encouraging Georgia to overthrow its election, continued to spread conspiracy theories in the department. Trump was loudly speculating about firing Rosen, who had just replaced William Barr as AG, and replacing him with Clark. On December 31, Rosen and Donoghue called Clark in and told him to cut the shit with the “stolen election” conspiracy theories. Keep in mind that in less than a month, none of these guys would still be in the Justice Department.

Donald Trump tired to steal the election. He tried to overturn it. He had enablers and goons in Congress, states, and the Justice Department helping him try to overturn the election. He initially refused to comply with the transition. He still has not conceded defeat. He tweeted for his supporters to gather in the capital on January 6 to stop the certification of the election saying it was “going to be wild.” On January 6, he held a rally in the capital telling his supporters to “march to the Capitol.” The intention was to stop the certification with a terrorist attack. After the attack, Republicans in Congress still voted to overturn the election. That would have been like Republicans destroying the Pentagon after al Qaida flew a plane into it.

That terrorist attack, the Republicans who voted to overturn the election, Republicans who voted against investigating the attack, and Republicans in states who tried to overturn the election are the reasons why it’s dangerous for people like Mark Meadows to make claims about Trump having a cabinet. It’s dangerous to enable Donald Trump in his claims he’s running a secret government. It’s dangerous because there are MAGAts who want August 13 to be just like January 6, except actually overturning the government this time. While they can’t succeed in overthrowing an election ten months after it happened, they can succeed in creating violence, weakening our democracy, and hurting a lot of people in the process.

Donald Trump can put all the idiots he wants on his pretend cabinet and keep playing fake president, but come August 13 and after, Joe Biden will still be the president of the United States of America.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Kevin’s Slim Pickens


Cjones07132021

A friend of mine used to hold a July 4th pool party every year…until one attendee got drunk and pooped in the pool. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence the pool pooper is a Republican. But nevertheless, no more July 4th pool parties. And pooping in the pool is exactly what House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy plans to do in the January 6 Committee.

The first attempt to have a commission to investigate the white nationalist MAGA terrorist insurrection on the Capitol Complex passed the House with very little GOP support, and died in the Senate. Republicans claimed they voted against it because the commission, with equal representation by both parties and each having full subpoena powers, would be too partisan. Before the vote, Democrats gave Republicans EVERYTHING they demanded before they could vote for it…and they still voted against it.

It’s kinda like taking your kids shopping for back-to-school clothes, and they refuse to participate. So after you’re done shopping for them, they get a hair up their ass because they don’t like the clothes you picked, which looks like that cheap-looking checkered suit Matt Gaetz wears. In this example, your kids are right to complain, you monster.

In Congress, Republicans, after being given everything they asked for, still voted against it. Even though they voted against it, we still need to get answers for the January 6 MAGA tiny-dick terrorist attack. So, Nancy Pelosi held a vote for another committee and this time, Republicans don’t have equal representation or subpoena power. Boo-hoo, fucknuts.

Of course, now they’re going to complain and campaign that they weren’t given equal representation and subpoena power. They will gaslight that they were never given a choice.

Kevin gets five picks and Nancy gets eight. Even better, Nancy can veto Kevin’s picks. And from looking at the names being tossed around by the tossers, she may need to veto every one of them.

Originally, Kevin threatened his members and said if they accepted an appointment to the committee, he would take away all their other committee assignments. Republicans are already afraid of this committee. They want all talk of the racists-for-Trump terrorist attack to go away. Talking about it can hurt the entire party in the 2022 midterms, upset the MAGAt base, and upset Donald Trump. If any Republican takes it seriously and ask serious questions like, “How many Nazis-for-Trump were in the riot?”, then Donald Trump may primary them.

Kevin is also afraid of who this committee may have questions for. Kevin is afraid they may subpoena Kevin. Also, the committee may subpoena Mo Brooks, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump Jr, and even Donald Trump. Keep in mind, it’s a crime to lie to Congress. Mo Brooks is currently using defending himself in a lawsuit for inciting the riot with the argument he was lying about the election being stolen in his capacity as a federal official.

The problem for Kevin is: Do Republicans refuse to work with the committee and risk coming off as disinterested in protecting our nation from terrorists, or do they do the jobs they were elected to do and risk pissing off the racist MAGAt base and Trump in the process?

The answer for Kevin is to go ahead and allow Republicans to join and to make sure they’re poo-flinging howler monkeys, and in the House, there is no better poo-flinging howler monkey than Jim Jordan.

First off, Kevin can’t pick people like Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, or Marjorie Taylor Green. They can’t even pretend to be serious in addition to being too stupid for the committee. Appointing one of those shitweasels will only serve to embarrass the GOP…which should already be embarrassed.

Kevin plans to pick shit stains like Jim Jordan who will use the committee to deflect from the white nationalist terrorist attack. Nancy should veto the selection of Jim Jordan. She should veto anyone who voted against certifying the election. Every member who voted against certifying the election voted against democracy. They voted with the terrorists. In fact, it’s illegal to be in Congress after you supported enemies against the United States of America. Every single one of those Republicans who voted with the terrorists should be removed from Congress.

When people are elected to Congress, they take an oath to protect our nation, not to protect terrorists. The Republican Party and Kevin McCarthy have chosen to protect terrorists over their nation.

Republicans accuse this committee and Democrats of being partisan about January 6. It is now partisan. One side is partisan to democracy. The other side is partisan to terrorists.

Nancy, please don’t allow any supporters of terrorists to sit on this committee. Let them fling poo on their own time. If they want to shit in a pool, there’s one at Mar-a-Lago.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Italian Satellites Vs. Jewish Space Lasers


I imagine space has to be really tight just outside our planet’s atmosphere. In addition to the International Space Station and the still-under-construction Chinese space station (with three astronauts currently on it), there are about 2,000 active satellites, 3,000 dead satellites, and over 34,000 pieces of space junk orbiting our planet. And if you think all that space junk is a catastrophe waiting to happen (there’s a one in 3,200 chance you may be hit in the head by a piece of falling space crap), wait until the ballot-changing Italian satellites duke it out with the Jewish space lasers.

You do remember the whole thing about Jewish space lasers. It was a conspiracy theory pushed by Marjorie Taylor Greene, the congressperson who’s also a member of the Qanon cult, in addition to being in the Trump cult.

Qanon believes there’s a deep state organization controlling our government that consists of Satanic cannibalistic pedophiles who, when not eating babies and drinking their blood, are peddling them in a child-sex ring out of Washington pizza parlors (still better than pineapple on pizza). They also believe Donald Trump is the one who’s going to defeat this Satanic cabal of baby-blood thirsty pedophiles (no word on if he’ll defeat the sadists placing pineapples on pizzas).

Additionally, the Qnuts think 9/11 was an inside job, it’s illegal for Muslims to hold elected office, school shootings are faked, leading Democrats should be execucted, and Zionist supremacists are secretly masterminding Muslim immigration to Europe in a scheme to outbreed white people. That last one is called the “Great Replacement Theory” and has been promoted by Tucker Carlson on his show that speaks “truth” to white supremacists.

Qanon also believes 9/11 was an inside job. Now, they’re also claiming the January 6 insurrection by racist Trump goons was also an inside job which is really confusing because one minute, it’s Antifa, then it’s something for Trump supporters to champion, then it’s the FBI, and then they go back to being proud of it and wanting January 6 to be the next federal holiday.

With the Jewish space lasers theory, Congressperson Greene says California wildfires don’t just happen. They’re created by the Rothchilds (who’ve been blamed for shit since the 1760s, including the Holocaust, presidential assassinations, pineapple on pizza, the existence of ketchup, dubstep, and ska) in conjunction with the Pacific Gas and Electric Company to make room for a new high-speed rail system.

This new high-speed rail system will allow gays from San Francisco, in a scheme crafted by Nancy Pelosi, Lebron James, Stacey Abrams, and Oprah (all Rothchild puppets), to infiltrate small-town America and indoctrinate your children into the gay Marxist agenda faster than they could with regular old Amtrak-speed trains.

And if you think the Space Lasers setting forests on fires so the gay trains can get to your kids, so they just mouth the words to the pledge of allegiance instead of actually saying them, because that’s what gay Marxist kids do, is crazy, wait until you hear the one about Italian Satellites. No, wait until you hear who was pushing the conspiracy theory about Italian Satellites.

Did I forget to mention another belief of Qanon and Marjorie Taylor Greene is that Donald Trump won the election? Yeah, just to be clear…he did not. But, they’re clinging to this bullshit and some other really wacky crazy stuff was spread, not just by the Qfucks, but by people working for Donald Trump.

Donald Trump’s legal team consisting of Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell pushed conspiracy theories that the deceased Hugo Chavez was behind Dominion Voting Systems, and that they were changing votes on ballots from Trump to Joe Biden (and in case you’re a Republican, who won the election and is now president of the United States). Naturally, there were assorted Jews involved too. You can’t have a good conspiracy theory without Jews.

During the 2018 midterms, Trump even pushed that George Soros was funding migrant caravans. He actually said he didn’t have any proof or evidence, but he was going to push it anyway. Tucker loved this because it was another night he got to promote the Great Replacement Theory.

But for a ballot to change from one candidate to another, you’re going to need some advanced technology, and there’s nobody better with advanced technology than…wait for it…the Italians.

Speaking of Italians: Have you seen Stanley Tucci’s new show on CNN? He’s going from place to place in Italy, eating Italian food, scarfing down pasta dish after pasta dish, eating rabbits, and even some fried ravioli, and he’s still skinny. This pisses me off because he’s gotta be in his 60s, right? How is he so skinny? At least I still have more hair than him. Sorry, I got off track….but that bald, 60-year-old, skinny-ass pasta-eating mother….grrrrr. Arugula!

Italygate, yeah…I know….holds that people connected to the Italian defense firm Leonardo used satellites to change the votes cast in the 2020 election from Trump to Biden. This explains why so many votes came in late in the evening on election night for Joe Biden, putting him over the top to win the presidency. Never mind the detail mail-in ballots are counted last and there were shit tons of mail-in ballots, which is why Republicans are now making it harder for people to vote by mail and not creating laws restricting Italian satellites.

It’s a crazy theory and I’ve yet to find details on why the Italians would want to meddle in the U.S. election. Oh my God…Was the Pope involved? You know, Pope Francis is a liberal Catholic…Joe Biden is a liberal Catholic…and the Vatican is in Rome which is in…wait for it…Italy. I even fact-checked this. Rome is in Italy.

Also, pizzagate. What if the Italians are also in on pizzagate and they want baby-body parts, bought from Planned Parenthood in a for-profit scheme, to remain a pizza topping? I ran another fact-check and discovered pizza was invented in…wait for it….this will come as a shocker…Toronto. No, wait. That’s not right. Toronto’s where they got the idea to put cheese curds and gravy on French fries. Why, Canada? Why? Pizza was invented in Italy and if done right, not in Chicago, is much better than poutine. Why, Canada? Did you know raw cheese curds are illegal in the United States? Has anyone blamed the Rothchilds or George Soros yet for cheese curds?

What’s even crazier is that legitimate news outlets fact-checked Italygate. No…what’s even crazier than that is this theory wasn’t just pushed by Qanon. It was pushed by the White House. The White House even emailed the Department of Justice asking them to investigate.

On January 1, five days before the Trump insurrection, White House chief of staff Mark Meadows forwarded acting attorney general Jeffrey A. Rosen a shit-ton of cheese curds. No, that’s not right. He forwarded a YouTube video of a former intelligence officer named Brad Johnson detailing what has been dubbed the “Italygate” conspiracy theory. The video was taken down by YouTube because they mistakenly thought it was one of my watch-me-draw videos. No, they took it down because it was a stupid-ass conspiracy theory.

But this conspiracy theory was so fucking nuts that even Trump goons at the Justice Department laughed it off. Rosen shared the email with acting deputy attorney general Richard Donoghue, who replied, in full, “Pure insanity.”

Mark Meadows sent more than one email on Italygate to the Justice Department. Shortly after those emails, he sent another asking them to task a conspiracy theorist to go to Georgia and examine signatures on ballots…and not investigate why Stanley Tucci can stay so skinny while eating all that Carbonara. Seriously. How does he do it?

Rosen, who was appointed by Trump to replace William Barr, sent this one to Donoghue and wrote, “Can you believe this? I am not going to respond to the message below.” Donoghue replied, “At least it’s better than the last one, but that doesn’t say much.”

What’s really scary is that we had people in government chasing conspiracy theories and wanting to use them to validate enacting martial law and bloody coup attempts while doing nothing about the cheese-curd threat.

The Trump administration and their followers are insane. Capisce?

Creative note: My proofer, Hilary, helped me out with this cartoon. I had written the entire thing before bouncing it off her for her input. Hilary is Jewish. She helped me with “garbanzo,” “schlep,” “kibosh,” “tuchus,” and “mishegas.” I had all those words but she helped me with how to use them. She’s also been to Italy and wait….she’s been to Italy and she’s skinny like Tucci. Goddammit.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Republican Medals


Cjones06212021

Yesterday, Vladimir Putin compared Alexei Nevalny to the white nationalist terrorists who attacked the Capitol in a bloody coup attempt to make Donald Trump this nation’s first dictator.

Alexei Nevalny is considered the man Putin fears the most. He’s an opposition leader whom the Russian government has convicted twice on embezzlement charges in order to prevent him from running for president. Since that wasn’t enough to silence his voice, they tried to murder him. They poisoned him which made him flee to Germany for medical treatment, violating his parole. Nevalny returned to Putin’s Russia knowing they would probably throw him in prison, after trying to murder him, for violating his parole.

The MAGA terrorists attacked the capitol to stop Congress from performing its constitutional duty. They did this act based on a lie. Nearly 500 have been charged with crimes. While Nevalny returned to Russia knowing he could be thrown in prison where they would try again to kill him, the MAGA terrorists have cried for their mommies.

Nevalny was poisoned through his food. While in prison, he has been starved. The Qanon Shaman’s mommy cried to a judge that jail food is too tough for her Q baby and it gives him the rumbly tummy.

Republicans will probably love Putin’s comparison. Although Putin was trying to frame Alexei Nevalny as someone as horrible as the MAGA terrorists, Republicans will frame this as their terrorists being persecuted crusaders for their nation, like Nevalny. Amnesty International has listed Alexei Nevalny as a “prisoner of conscience.” The MAGA terrorists don’t have consciences.

Alexei Nevalny is brave and returned to fascist Russia to face consequences from an unfair justice system controlled by a autocrat. The MAGA terrorists only attacked the Capitol because they had large numbers and when brought to accountability, cried like babies. Many are using the legal defense of being too stupid to think for themselves, blaming Trump for goading them and Fox News for giving them “Foxitus.”

Vladimir Putin refuses to say Nevalny’s name. Republicans refuse to use the word “insurrection” in regard to the insurrection. But, some are real good at using “executed” for the death of Ashli Babbitt, a MAGA terrorist killed by Capitol Police while trying to climb through a broken window inside the Capitol. Republicans are framing Babbitt as a hero when the fact is, she was a terrorist.

Ashli Babbitt attacked her government trying to stop the certification of an election and to install a dictatorship. She tried to stop the democratic process. She tried to overturn a democratic election. She is the very definition of a terrorist. The heroes on January 6 are the Capitol Police who fought against her insurrection.

Yesterday, the House overwhelmingly passed a resolution to award the Congressional Gold Medal to the officers who defended the Capitol from Donald Trump’s terrorists. The vote was 406-21.

Yes, 21 House members voted against giving the Gold Medal to cops. You would think something like this would have been unanimous. It would seem that voting to give medals to cops who fought terrorists would be an easy work day, a no-brainer, and be like a day with cake. But no. All 21 no votes came from Republicans…you know, the people who always cry that “blue lives matter” and rail against “defunding the police.” You know, the same people who always pontificate about how much they are for the rule of law. Why, they’re the law-and-order party. They seek justice. They back our boys and girls in blue.

Republicans are not the party of law and order. They’re the party of white nationalist terrorists and bullshit. Just like their claims of patriotism have been exposed as lies by their love for all that is Trump and Putin, their claims of supporting police are total hogwash too.

Why did 21 Republicans, all Trump supporters with a few being Qnuts, vote against giving medals to cops? Because the bill described the rioters as “a mob of insurrectionists.”

Thomas Massie from Kentucky (a yee-haw state) said, “If they just wanted to give the police recognition, they could have done it without trying to make it partisan, without sticking that in there.” Once again, a Republican steps all over himself and says the quiet part out loud. Insurrections are partisan…and insurrections are Republican.

Opposing ISIS and al Qaeda is easy…but I guess it’s harder to oppose terrorism when the terrorists look like you, eh, white boy?

This will be a shocker but Marjorie Taylor Greene also voted no and said she did so because the bill referred to the Capitol as a “temple” and it doesn’t look anything like “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.” She also said, “I wouldn’t call it an insurrection.” Would she call it “tourism” as another Republican has? In her defense, she did just find out about the Holocaust. Did you guys hear about this Holocaust thing? Who knew? We should tell more people.

Scott Perry, a Republican from Pennsylvania, said giving the medal to cops was “disgusting.” No, disgusting was in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” when they ate all the live squirmy baby snakes. Giving medals to cops, not so much. But hey, feel free to tear the Capitol Police officers’ beating hearts out.

The 21 Republicans siding with terrorists over cops are Marjorie Taylor Green, Scott Perry, Thomas Massie, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, Andy Biggs, Michael Cloud, Andrew Clyde, Warren Davidson, Louie Gohmert, Bob Good, Paul Gosar, Andy Harris, Jody Hice, Mary Miller, Barry Moore, Ralph Norman, John Rose, Matt Rosendale, Chip Roy, and Greg Steube.

I know. A lot of names on that list truly come as a surprise. In case you’re a Republican, that was sarcasm.

Gerald Connolly, a Democrat from Virginia, said, “They voted to overturn the election. But in their vote today, they kind of sealed the deal of basically affiliating with the mob.” Dude, every single Republican who professes loyalty to Donald Trump, says he’s the leader of their party, rushes to Mar-a-Lago for a photo-op with the goon, and says he won the election has sealed the deal of siding with terrorists. They bought that puppy, put it in a box, giftwrapped it, didn’t poke any any airholes into the box, and mailed it without a return address.

Connolly also said, “They now are part of the insurrectionist mob. They brought enormous disrepute and dishonor on themselves in not honoring the brave men and women who defended the Capitol of the United States—everybody in it, but also defending the symbol of democracy in the world, not just here in the United States.”

Putin would be proud.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Democracy Death Wish


Cjones06102021

During Donald Trump’s speech to fellow fucknuts in North Carolina over the weekend, he claimed he wasn’t the one trying to destroy democracy…he’s the one trying to save it. During this same speech, he attacked our last democratically-held election as the “crime of the century.” That’s like saying you hate fried chicken while ordering a bunch of wings. You do understand wings are part of the chicken…right? Do you understand elections are a part of democracy?

Trump is a false prophet. Do you expect the anti-Christ to show up dissing Jesus? No. That guy’s going to arrive and tell us he loves God and church-bake-sale potato salad more than anyone and will probably say something about two Corinthians. It’s always the people who say they are the most, who really aren’t. It’s like those guys who say, “I’m not a racist, but…”

North Korea is the DPRK, which stands for Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea, even though there’s nothing democratic about that dictatorship. On a side note: Next time someone goes on about “socialist” being in the name of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party, the Nazis, ask that dumbass if Kim Jong Un is a Republican because “republic” is in the DPRK’s name.

Donald Trump is not in favor of democracy. He wants to be a fascist dictator like his buddies, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un. He’s telling friends he’s going to be “reinstated” as president, which is something we don’t do. Name one time we’ve ever done that. Explain how it’s done. Point out where it’s covered in the Constitution.

Trump refused to concede the election because fascists don’t concede elections. Name one fascist who’s ever said, “Damn, I lost. OK. I’m going home,” or, “You don’t have Nixon to kick around any more.” Trump is continuing the Big Lie that he won, even though he lost by over seven million votes. He weaponized the presidency and sent terrorists to attack our government to stop the certification of his opponent’s victory.

Just like they’re not really in favor of democracy even thought they claim they are, they’re not constitutionalists either. Sure, they love to spout off half a sentence from the Second Amendment, but they ignore the rest, like they ignore the parts of the Constitution about free speech and a free press. They ignore the part about elections. They ignored the part about Congress certifying the election.

George W. Bush said he looked into Putin’s eye and “saw his soul.” There was a lot to take from that, but the main thing today is that Bush said it over 20 years ago. Vladimir Putin has been controlling Russia for over two decades. That’s not a democratic leader. He’s thrown political opponents into prison (he literally had a pop group thrown into prison for criticizing him. W. could only dream of hard labor for the Dixie Chicks…I’m sorry…The Chicks), had critics murdered, and has changed the nation’s constitution to remain in power. While he has a salary of about $137,000 a year, his worth has been estimated between $70 to 200 billion. He may be the richest man in the world because he considers everything in Russia to belong to him. No wonder Trump has a hard for the guy.

Today, Russians are still conducting cyber attacks into our nation, from gas supplies to our food. Putin will not rest until his puppet is back in power, we have no fuel, and we’re all eating cats.

Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy both initially blamed Trump for the terrorist attack on the Capitol building, but now they’re walking it all back and refusing to allow an investigation into the attack…an attack on democracy.

The MyPillow Guy, he’s advising Donald Trump that he’s going to be reinstated. Fortunately for us, a lot of the democracy haters are former crack heads. And if you have a coupon, that former crack head will give you a second pillow for free after you pay double for the first. I’m NOT making that up.

Michael Flynn, the disgraced general who spent less than a month as Trump’s National Security Advisor and was later pardoned by him, has publicly stated he believes a Myanmar-style coup should happen here. In case you’re a Republican, coups are NOT democratic.

Usually, I’m just trying to be funny with the “in case you’re a Republican” bit. This time, I’m dead serious. In case you’re a Republican, COUPS ARE NOT DEMOCRATIC.

Speaking of treasonous Republicans, they’re seeking to overturn the election in Arizona through fraud. They’re hoping the fraud will catch on to other states that will then overturn their elections…and reinstate Trump. Over 50% of Republicans believe wrongly that Donald Trump won the election and it was stolen by President Biden. A majority of Republicans are in favor or coups, insurrection, and conspiracy theories over democracy. On top of that, Republicans are changing election laws so they can steal power, instead of allowing every eligible voter to add his or her voice.

Republicans love democracy until it works.

Speaking of lunatics, Qanon is a big part of this and these idiots truly believe Donald Trump didn’t just win the election, but that he’ll be reinstated. They keep giving dates for this reinstatement and after those dates pass, they move the goal posts. I keep waiting for them to claim Donald Trump will be reinstated in Schmebuary. When the hell is Schmebuary? It’s a Satanic deep-state secret month that is erased from our memory by Jewish space lasers as soon as it’s over, that has now been exposed to followers of Q. But, Schmebuary is probably some time in the fall or somewhere between January and December. Also in Schmebuary, there are some serious discounts on baby flesh. You pay double for one and you get the second baby for free.

And we have Trump himself who continues to feed these lies to his base (not the discount baby Schmebuary thing…yet. The election lie), furthering division in this nation. He would rather be placed into office than allow democracy to work. Democracy did work and it gave us Joe Biden.

Democracy is under attack and the fuckers above are the main antagonists. Sure, there are co-conspirators like Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and your crazy uncle on Facebook. But they’re enablers. Donald Trump is the main villain.

During his speech over the weekend, Donald Trump said our “country is being destroyed, perhaps by people who have no right to destroy it.” Sometimes, these idiots say the quiet parts out loud.

Does Donald Trump believe he has the right to destroy our country? He must because that’s exactly what he’s trying to do…and he’s getting a lot of help. That’s what democracy-hating fascists do.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

General Coup-Coup


Cjones06052021

There are news reports that disgraced general and convicted douche canoe and traitor, Michael Flynn, suggested there should be a coup to restore Donald Trump to power. He did not “suggest” there should be a coup in the United States. He endorsed it and said, “It should happen here.”

Flynn was national security adviser for 22 days. President Obama told Donald Trump not to hire Flynn, so Donald Trump hired Flynn…who had lobbied for foreign nations and been paid by Vladimir Putin for appearances in Russia. Flynn was fired for lying to Mike Pence and later pled guilty to two counts of making false statements and agreed to cooperate…then flipped on his flip and cried to have his guilty plea reversed. Trump’s attorney general, William Barr, tried to get courts to drop what his department pushed for and ultimately, Donald Trump pardoned Flynn.

After the election, Flynn endorsed martial law, suspending the Constitution, and silencing the media to overturn the election. He also pledged an oath to Qanon. Now, he’s on the Russian app Telegram crying that he was misquoted about endorsing a coup. Why is he denying this stuff on Telegram? Because Twitter kicked him off their platform for shit like endorsing coups.

This is NOT the first time Flynn has suggested a coup. When he wanted Trump to overturn the election, that would have been a coup. This time, he was at a Qanon fucknut convention, when an audience member asked him, “I want to know why what happened in Myanmar can’t happen here.” There was a coup in Myanmar.

Flynn replied, “No reason. I mean, it should happen here. No reason.”

Now he’s saying that he said, “No reason it should happen here.” No, fucker. You said. “No reason.” Period. “It should happen here.” That’s like saying “don’t stop” while someone’s touching you in your special place, and later you claim you didn’t like it by saying, “I said, ‘don’t…stop.'”

Congressman and fully-committed Fruit Loop, Screwy Louie Gohmert, was also at the lunatic event and tried to downplay the January 6 insurrection. He defended it by saying the attack on Pearl Harbor and 9/11 were bigger attacks on our democracy. Even if he was correct, that’s not good company. But, those attacks weren’t trying to overturn our government. Take a history lesson, Louie.

One in four Republicans believe in the Qanon theory that Satanic-worshipping lovers of baby back ribs made with real babies are controlling the government and it’s going to take violence to restore the “rightful” leaders of our nation. An opinion poll taken in May says 53% (if in case you’re a Republican, that’s more than half) believe Donald Trump won the election.

Sidney Powell, whose lawyers are using the argument in court that nobody should take her seriously, says there will be a new inauguration, Biden will move out of the White House, and Donald Trump will move back in. Just be glad both men won’t be living in the White House together, which sounds like the premise for a really bad sitcom.

Finally, Donald Trump expects to be reinstated by August. That’s what he’s been telling friends, family, and any squirrels on his golf course who will listen, according to New York Times Washington correspondent, Maggie Haberman.

Donald Trump ordered an attack on our government to overturn the election to reinstall himself to power. Donald Trump weaponized the presidency against his own nation. Instead of apologizing, expressing regret, or even playing dumb, he’s telling friends he’s going to do it again.

While it’s fun to laugh at these goons, we should also be concerned.

Like it or not, Donald Trump is a former president (sic). He has created a cult and his followers obey him and believe anything he says. Proof of this is last January 6. And, the Republican Party is doing everything it can to embrace him. A majority of Republicans, not just racist Qanon maniacs, are willing to destroy democracy for their cult leader.

Republicans don’t love America anymore. It’s all about the cult.

General Flynn should be in prison. Right now, he may be committing new crimes that his previous pardon doesn’t cover. He swore an oath to defend this nation, not attack it with a coup. Donald Trump should be in a prison cell right beside him. It will be safer for this nation to have those two men locked away. They are national security risks.

Republicans would be better off listening to the Cocoa Puffs bird than listening to Trump and his assorted goons. They’re all cuckoo for treason.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

MTG Mandate


Cjones05302021

I have a great idea and unless you’re one of my trolls, I think you’ll like it too. Here it is: Congress should pass a law that any member of Congress, either in the House or Senate, who does not serve on a committee doesn’t get paid.

What is the point of paying someone when she’s not doing the job she was elected to do? Sure, Marjorie Taylor Greene can still be an advocate for her district and sponsor legislation, but she’s not doing that, at least not in any manner that can be taken seriously. The bills she sponsors looks more like trolling than actual legislation.

for example, she sponsored a bill to award medals to cops who “protected” cities during Black Lives Matter “riots.” Has she sponsored any bills to award medals to cops who protected the Capitol during the MAGA terrorist attack? HAHAHAHA….no.

MTG sponsored a bill to protect gun owners’ privacy and another bill to “preserve” the Second Amendment. Amendments are already law. They don’t need additional Congressional protection. This is trolling. She also sponsored a bill to finish Trump’s racist border wall and expel all undocumented immigrants. This bill will also end “chain” migration which would deport Melania Trump’s parents. Did I mention Greene is an idiot?

She sponsored a bill to remove Democrat Maxine Waters from her committee assignments (which happened to MTG) and another to remove her entirely from Congress. She doesn’t just hate blacks and Latinos. She sponsored a bill to prohibit any funding that helps Gaza and the West Bank because Ms. “Jewish Space Lasers” loves Israel so much.

She sponsored a bill to impeach President Biden for “enabling bribery and other high crimes and misdemeanors.” Maybe she got confused from all the Trump bribery and high crimes and misdemeanors.

Playing the persecution victim conservatives love so much, she sponsored a bill to make it illegal to “discriminate” against people based upon their vaccination status. White conservatives are the whiniest people in the world. If you listen to them, they are the most violated segment of our society throughout world history. Yesterday, Senator Rand Paul felt threatened by 80s wimp rocker Richard Marx. Personally, I think white nationalist MAGA terrorists are a greater threat to this nation than music acts like Air Supply.

The Centers of Disease Control issued guidelines that vaccinated people can take off their masks outdoors and indoors. Naturally, unvaccinated mofos who did the least to help this nation combat the pandemic are violating this. They’re demanding nobody ever ask them their vaccination status or question their right to go without a mask…while also being offended by seeing people in masks (yeah, I know. Irony).

Republicans in Congress are upset there is a mask rule for the House floor. These Republicans are either unvaccinated or they won’t reveal their status. They want to enjoy the privileges they actively fought against securing. Marjorie Taylor Greene is the biggest advocate against having to wear a mask and in portraying unvaxxed goons as victims, she compared having to wear a face mask to the…wait for it…Holocaust.

Yes, she compared wearing a mask to people who were forced to wear stars to identify them by their religion, ripped from their homes, had all their possessions stolen, crammed into box cars, forced into slave labor, sterilized, medically experimented on, and murdered. Over six million Jews were murdered by Hitler. Many had the gold in their teeth ripped out, melted, and used to pay for the Nazi’s war effort. Others had their bodies used to make soap. Marjorie Taylor Greene, and many other Republicans, believe this is just like having to wear a mask into Costco.

Let me state this clearly: Wearing a face mask isn’t discrimination or persecution. Nobody is being forced to wear a face mask based upon his or her political beliefs. You have to continue wearing the mask because you’re a vile and hateful icky idiot. You’re gross and need to stay at least six feet away from me for the rest of time.

Speaking of Hitler, Marjorie Taylor Greene said she would oppose any removal of statues of Hitler. She said she would want the statues to remain intact “so that I could tell my children and teach others about who these people are, what they did and what they may be about.”

I have a question: Where are all these Hitler statues she wants to protect? In her house? Also, there are other ways to teach people about history. They’re called books. Quite frankly, I don’t want the goons telling us a terrorist attack as recent as five months ago were only a bunch of tourists and that teaching black history is hateful to tell me how to study history.

It took five days, but House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, the rest of his leadership team of goons, and Mitch McConnell all issued statements saying they disagree with her comparing mask mandates to the Holocaust. How insane is it that Congress has to say the Holocaust was bad and you can’t compare stupid shit to it? How crazy is it that it took them five days to do so? But since they’re afraid of criticizing her because Donald Trump loves her, and they’re afraid of Donald Trump, what would they say if she compared the “stolen election” to the Holocaust?

House Republicans removed Liz Cheney from her leadership position because she wouldn’t support the Big Lie. What would they do if MTG compared their sacred lie to the Holocaust? Would they all be quiet like most of them are now? Would the leadership pretend she didn’t say it? Maybe they’d even endorse her statements. I haven’t heard any of them criticize her for wanting to protect Hitler statues. Are they afraid of offending Nazis? She also said she’d protect statues of Satan (where the fuck are these statues?), but Satan is a fictional character. Hey, I bet if she said that, they’d all lose their minds.

Marjorie Taylor Greene sponsored another bill to decrease the pay for Dr. Anthony Fauci. But Dr. Fauci is actually doing the job he’s paid for. MTG is not. So, back to my idea. Can we stop paying Marjorie Taylor Greene since she’s not doing the job she was elected to do? We are currently paying her $174,000 to be a racist, anti-Semitic, conspiracy theory-spreading troll.

She once yapped through the mail slot of the office for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, saying she paid her salary. Greene, I’m paying your salary and I don’t want to pay you to be a troll. Be a troll on your own dime.

I’m not going to compare her to the Holocaust, but Marjorie Taylor Greene is one of the worst things to ever happen to Washington.

And I just got another great idea: There is a Satan statue, sort of, in Massachusetts. It was created by the Church of Satan in response to a monument of the Ten Commandments being displayed at the Oklahoma legislature. The statue is of Baphomet, who is a goat-headed humanoid with wings. When the statue was unveiled, the only people allowed to attend were those who agreed to “sell their souls” to Satan.

The thing is, the Church of Satan doesn’t really believe in Satan. Satan is a symbol they basically use to troll religious people. You know, booga-booga-booga. The entire “sell your soul” to view the unveiling of Baphomet was to scare away superstitious religious fucknuts. It was brilliant. Maybe we should start a thing where unvaxxed fuckers can remove their masks and enter Costco only after they sell their soul to the devil. And let’s face it. If you bought a membership, you kinda already did.

But here’s my idea: Let’s place this statue in Marjorie Taylor Greene’s congressional district. It can be placed in downtown Dalton, Georgia and when the residents get upset at goat-headed Baphomet standing proudly for all to see, Ms. Greene can enlighten them about how it teaches history. She can defend Satan to her constituents.
Church of Satan, are you listening? I would very much like to see this happen, please.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have only TWO copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Creepy White Female


Cjones05192021

Nobody ever asks me anymore, “What are you going to draw now that Donald Trump isn’t president (sic)?” Just like there will always be cops because there will always be crime, I will always have material because there will always be right-wing troglodyte abhorrent bullshit.

I had a lot of days where Donald Trump made satire hard. How do you make drinking bleach even more ridiculous? Even with Donald Trump barricaded in his Nazi compound in Nazi Florida, I’m still having days like that thanks to right-wing troglodytes like Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Does it bother you there are people in Congress who are not as smart as you? Does it bother you they’re not just as smart as you…but they’re knuckle-dragging morons who should be put in baby-proofed rooms for their own protection so they don’t stick forks into electrical outlets? There’s a meme on social media that the reason there’s so much ignorance in this country today is because high schools had their football coaches teach civics. That must be true because Alabama senator and former football coach Tommy Tuberville believes World War II was fought to save Europe from socialism and the three branches of our government are the House, Senate, and White House, and that one party isn’t supposed to control all three (despite all three being controlled by Republicans for two years of the Trump administration. Look it up).

Sure, a lot of these fuckers gaslight, like that Andrew Clyde idiot from Georgia who believes terrorists are tourists…even though he helped blockade a door to keep them from barging in. Be careful! They want keychains!

But some of these Republicans aren’t just gaslighting…some of them are downright stupid. And when you add other horrible traits to stupid, like bullying, stalking, pushing conspiracy theories, and advocating murder, you have a raving lunatic on your hands. And that’s what we have in Marjorie Taylor Greene, a representative from Georgia. Seriously, Georgia?

Before Marjorie Taylor Greene was elected to Congress by the most moronic, stupid, right-wing district in the nation, she was just your average everyday qanon conspiracy pushing fucknut.

This lunatic that Donald Trump said is a “future Republican star” and is “strong on everything” believes that school shootings are “false flag operations.” She believes the California wildfires were started by Jewish space lasers. She called the qanon leader who started the conspiracy theory that the government is being controlled by Satan-worshipping pedophiles a “patriot.”

Do you think Greene doesn’t believe in the Qshit? There’s a video of her stating, “There’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take this global cabal of Satan-worshipping pedophiles out, and I think we have the president to do it.” This person is in Congress. Seriously.

Greene posted in a blog for dumbasses a link about Pizzagate, the debunked belief Hillary Clinton ran a sex slave operation out of a Washington, D.C. pizza restaurant. She wrote, “Shockingly, the website tells about information that was only whispered about and called conspiracy theories.” She believes this shit.

Greene believes in “Frazzledrip.” Oh, you haven’t heard of that? I hadn’t either until just now. Sit down for this one…and put down the coffee. It’s a belief there’s a video (nobody’s seen) that was found on Anthony Weiner’s laptop of Hillary Clinton and aide Huma Abedin sexually assaulting a child before slicing off her face and wearing it as a mask. She wrote, “Most people honestly don’t know so much. The msm disinformation warfare has won for too long!” Again, this person is in Congress. Also, what does Clinton and Abedin do with the mask after wearing it? Does it become a pizza topping?

She has questioned whether 9/11 actually happened. You would think that one would piss of conservatives, right? Wrong.

Before Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, Greene pushed a belief she had already died and was replaced by a body double.

And of course, she believes Donald Trump won the 2020 presidential election. What’s scarier is that the majority of the Republican Party shares that one. Do you really want to share conspiracy theories with a lunatic? But then again, the GOP is comprised of lunatics.

Before she was elected, she videotaped herself stalking David Hogg, a Parkland school shooting survivor. She even made a video (that she later tried to delete), before she was elected, where she’s outside the office of Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, crouched down to scream through the mail slot, demanding that she come out, stop pushing socialism, accusing her of wearing a diaper, and that she pays her salary.

Oddly enough, I’m now paying Marjorie Taylor Greene’s salary and she doesn’t even serve on any committees.

While AOC was leaving a congressional hearing last week (something Greene won’t be doing because she doesn’t serve on any committees), she was accosted by Greene who was shouting at her about her “radical socialism” and accusing her of supporting terrorists. Greene and the bulk of the Republican Party literally support terrorists. Her Georgia colleague, Andrew Clyde, defends them as “tourists.”

AOC said Greene was “deeply unwell” and she used to throw people like her out of her bar back when she was a bartender. MTG wants to debate AOC, but there is no winning a debate with a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragger. I can’t see Ocasio-Cortez being able to get a word in during such a debate. If Greene really wants to debate issues, perhaps she shouldn’t have done stupid shit, like calling for the execution of congressional colleagues, that got her kicked off committees.

While leaving the House floor this week, Democratic representative Eric Swalwell was screamed at by one of Greene’s aides (shockingly, she hasn’t hired very good people), who demanded he take off his face mask. This is deeply ironic because conservatives are all over social media demanding that nobody question whether or not they’ve been vaccinated and leave them alone while they skulk around unmasked…yet they’re totally triggered anytime they see someone wearing a face mask.

When you see someone outside your bedroom window with binoculars, they’ll probably be unmasked.

Swalwell said he’d had enough of the “marauding goons in the Marjorie Taylor Greene crowd who go around trying to terrorize my colleagues.” According to reports, Swalwell cursed at Greene’s aides, but I one for believe cursing at someone is acceptable when that someone is a right-wing mouth-breathing troglodyte motherfucker working for a creepy icky stalking sea hag sonofabitch.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi and others are calling for an investigation of Greene by the House Ethics Committee. It’s very unethical to bully and stalk your colleagues. The bad thing is, Greene has time since she doesn’t serve on any committees, not like she would have done any actual work if she was still on them anyway.

This bullying, stalking, and being as vile as possible works for Greene. Republicans love it. These are the same people who are defending baby jails and MAGA terrorists. Greene has raised millions of dollars by pointing out how vile and disgusting she is.

Congress needs to expel Greene. If her voters don’t like it, then maybe stop sending maniacs to Congress. The rest of Congress, Democrats and Republicans, deserve a safe working environment. But then again, most of the Republicans support terrorists.

While shouting through AOC’s mail slot, Greene said she’s a woman and proud to be an American woman. I’m not sure she’s a woman because first, she would have to be human.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Long Night In The Q Patch


cjones03092021

After election day and Joe Biden passed Donald Trump in the vote count, Republicans held onto hope, with many believing that Trump would come back and win the presidency. When that didn’t happen, hope turned into conspiracy theories and Republicans truly became fucknuts.

Trumplicans believed that on December 20, the day electors meet in their respective states and cast their votes for president and vice-president, that Trump would be given an Electoral College victory which the GOP would have had to pull out of their asses. Republicans, including the president (sic) of the United States believed electors in several of those states would defy the will of their people and hand the election to Donald Trump. Donald Trump even invited legislators from Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania to the White House to convince and strong-arm them to overturn the election. That didn’t work. Even Big Macs under heat lamps didn’t sway them.

Trump’s lawyers filed over 60 lawsuits across the nation with each one failing. They held press conferences where Rudy Giuliani’s hair melted. There were hearings held in state capitals where legislatures actually patronized Rudy…for which he only brought conspiracy theories, insane witnesses, and farts. Trump’s other lawyer, Sidney Powell, spread conspiracy theories that voting machines created by the late Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez, financed by George Soros, controlled by President Obama, President Bill Clinton, and Secretary Hillary Clinton, switched votes from Trump to Biden.

Senator Lindsey Graham, who represents South Carolina (in case you’re a Republican, is NOT Georgia), called officials in Georgia to convince them to give the state to Trump even though President Joe Biden had won it. Then, Donald Trump called officials in the state and threatened and demanded they make up votes to give him so he could surpass Biden in the count. And some people are saying, “Hmmmm…maybe that’s illegal.”

December 20 came and went and Joe Biden was still the President-Elect. Then, Trump called his supporters, you know, terrorists, to come to Washington, D.C. on January 6, when Congress was certifying the election. His white nationalist terrorists attacked the Capitol, wounding many and killing cops, to overturn the election. It was a bloody coup attempt. But the count went on and Joe Biden was officially President-Elect of the United States of America.

Then, the Qanon crowd believed Trump would enact martial law and during Joe Biden’s inauguration on January 20, the military would rush the podium and arrest him and Kamala Harris. For good measure, they’d also arrest President Obama and Hillary Clinton. Lady Gaga was probably in trouble too. Nobody was arrested, there was no martial law, and from the looks of it, everybody had a good time…except for Mike Pence. He looked like that guy at the party nobody wants to talk to.

Instead of declaring martial law, Donald Trump flew down to Florida. He refused to attend the inauguration because he’s a whiny little baby. He even left before noon so he could use Air Force One one last time without having to ask the incoming president for permission. Usually, the outgoing president does use Air Force One to leave the capital, but they only do so with the grace and permission of the incoming president…as long as they return it with a full tank. This request has never been refused. But, Donald Trump didn’t want to ask Joe Biden because that would have been an admittance Biden is president.

Donald Trump is the first president to refuse a peaceful transfer of power. He delayed the presidential transition, thus endangering the nation and trying to leave as much of a mess as possible for Biden to clean up. He delayed briefings on national security for the President-Elect. Donald Trump put himself before the security of this nation. And on a petty score, he refused to invite the President-Elect and incoming First Lady to the White House. For the record, President Obama invited Trump and Melania to the White House, greeted them on the steps of the White House on inauguration day, and attended the ceremony. Do you know who else was at Donald Trump’s inauguration in 2016? Joe Biden.

Election Day didn’t work out for Trump supporters. Then December 20, January 6, and January 20 didn’t work out for them. Finally, Qanon fucknuts can accept they lost, it’s over, Trump is now a former president (sic), Joe Biden is President, and it’s time to move on. Right? Wrong.

They decided that March 4 was the date Donald Trump would return and become president again…or something like that. What is this based on? Glad you asked because it’s crazy.

In 1871, Congress passed the District of Columbia Organic Act. This made the District of Columbia a self-governing body, a municipal corporation. It has no relation to the presidency. But, Qanon fucknuts believe that on this date, the United States of America became a corporation which is controlled by foreigners and a deep state of satanic-worshipping baby-eating pedophiles along with assorted lizard people.

Why March 4? Because that’s when lizard people’s eggs hatch? Is that when baby blood starts to turn so you better drink up? No. That’s when presidents used to be inaugurated. Congress moved the inauguration to January 20 after passing the 20th Amendment to the Constitution in 1933, the same year Franklin Delano Roosevelt ended the gold standard. QAnon believers argue that in ending the gold standard, Roosevelt transferred power to a group of shadowy foreign investors who have since been controlling the US government.

We’re about to get deeper: Qanon fucks believed that Ulysses Grant was the last legitimate president. Thus, when Trump returned on March 4, he would become the 19th president and the first legitimate president since Grant. But wait. Wouldn’t that mean Donald Trump was never president from 2017 to January, 2021? Shut up.

I also don’t get why Grant was the last legitimate president. Roosevelt’s first inauguration was on March 4, so was Herbert Hoover’s one. One, because he was a one-term loser like Donald Trump. If someone can explain this about the inauguration date (and I’ve researched), leave it in the comments.

Others also believe that Trump and Biden are actually working together, Trump never left, he’s still here, and it’s all a ruse because…wait for it…Trump and Biden switched bodies.

Trump me on this. Nobody wants to switch bodies with Donald Trump.

So, now that March 4 has passed, I guess it’s over. Right? Wrong.

Qanon fucknuts have moved the goal posts to March 20. Why March 20? The only thing I can find is that’s when many believe the Republican Party was founded in 1854. Of course back then, the Republican Party was the liberal party. The Qanon Shaman and Marjorie Taylor Greene have nothing in common with Abraham Lincoln.

Oh yeah, they also believe Trump still controls the military and on the 20th, he’s going to round up everyone who voted to impeach him or merely said bad things about him, and have them all arrested along with…Oh, sweet mother of monkey milk…the Pope.

Nobody tell the Qanon goons that President George Washington’s first inauguration was held on April 30. That would mean when Donald Trump does come back, he’ll be the second legitimate president.

Of course, all this shit persists because Qanon is a cult, being a Trump supporter is being in a cult, and Donald Trump won’t say anything to debunk any of this. This is the same guy who secretly took the covid vaccine. Why in secret and not do it in public like Biden, Harris, Obama, Clinton, Bush, etc? Because it would hurt the campaign he waged politicizing the virus, again, putting himself before the safety of the country he swore to protect. Or maybe, when he took the vaccine, it was really a serum for body switching with Joe Biden. Yeah! That’s it! And it was administered by a lizard guy in a doctor’s coat.

And everyone said, “Hey, Clay. What are you going to draw when Trump is gone? You’re going to miss Trump.” I haven’t had time to miss Trump.

Creative note: Usually when a cartoonist uses another cartoonist’s creation and characters in a cartoon, they write “apologies to” the cartoonist they borrowed from. I forgot to do that. And if anything, I really owe Charles Schulz an apology for making Linus a member of Qanon.

Correction: I originally had Hoover with TWO inaugurations. But, he only had one. Kudos to Robert Coutinho (who sent me an email) and the reader in the comments who caught it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: