Conspiracy Theories

Department Of Conspiracies


Russia helped Donald Trump win the presidency. They created troll farms and bombed social media with fake stories to promote Trump. They bought ads to help Trump. They hacked the servers of the Democratic National Committee and the Clinton Campaign. They contacted the Trump campaign. They sent representatives to Trump Tower to meet with Trump’s son, son-in-law and campaign manager. The son-in-law attempted to create a backchannel with Russia to avoid detection from American intelligence. At least sixteen people in the Trump campaign had contact with Russia. One Trump aide boasted to an Australian diplomat that Russia had dirt on Hillary Clinton. One of Trump’s foreign policy advisers, Carter Page, had boasted about being an informal adviser to the Kremlin. Carter Page traveled to Russia and met with government officials during the campaign and reported it back to the Trump team. While pursuing a warrant on Page, a federal judge concluded that Page was knowingly engaging in clandestine intelligence for the Russian government. The FBI acquired a FISA warrant to carry out electronic surveillance on Carter Page, a suspected Russia spy.

The Republican position on all of this is, how dare the FBI investigate a possible spy and threat to the United States. The GOP has expressed more concern for the rights of a suspected spy than for national security.

Since the election, the Trump administration hasn’t done anything to protect the U.S. from another attack by Russia. Donald Trump has spent the majority of his time denying Russia meddled in the election at all. Trump has accused the Clinton campaign of colluding with Russia because they hired a former MI6 agent to investigate Trump and interviewed Russians in the process. For some reason, that’s collusion while hosting Russians in your campaign HQ is not.

For the past two years, Trump has accused the FBI of attacking him and attempting a coup. He fired the director and other high ranking officials with long respectable track records in law enforcement. The Republican Party has engaged in smearing the FBI while being unable to actually pinpoint anything done illegally. All they’ve managed to do is prove that all warrants were acquired properly and within the law.

The only people who parrot Trump’s conspiracy talking points are Republican lickspittles, the idiots at Fox News, and shitweasels on social media. Now, add the Attorney General to that list.

Attorney General William Bar was quick to claim the Mueller Report cleared Trump, a position he put in writing in advertising himself for the job. He was also Attorney General during the George H.W. Bush administration and helped cover up Iran/Contra and recommended pardons for those involved. During last week’s testimony before Congress, he claimed there was definitely spying on the Trump campaign, parroting Donald’s talking points. Trump publicly had a joygasm.

My cartoon for CNN was a joke about checking the box on your tax returns if you wanted some of your refund to help pay for Trump’s lawyers fighting to hide his tax returns. In reality, with William Barr as the Attorney General, you are paying for Trump’s lawyer to protect him. Barr is just as ridiculous as Lindsey Graham, Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan, and all the other elected Republicans who have spent the past two years putting the cult of Trump before our nation. Barr may as well start investigating all of Trump’s stupid conspiracy theories like Obama’s birthplace, New Jersey Muslims celebrating 9/11, the Swedish terror attack, and whose voice is that really on the Access Hollywood tape? He couldn’t ruin his credibility any more than he already has.

Barr is engaging in a coverup, which is exactly what Trump wanted from his Attorney General. Part of that coverup is a deflection which is what this fake investigation is all about. The FBI did not spy on the Trump campaign. They spied on an individual with the Trump campaign. It’s not the FBI’s fault that Trump hires Russian spies. Neither the Democrats or the FBI selected these people. Trump chose them.

It’s reported that Trump asked within the White House, “Where’s my Roy Cohn?” a lawyer who helped Joseph McCarthy engage in investigating suspected communists and a mentor in sleaze to Donald Trump. Trump wanted a Roy Cohn in the Justice Department to sleaze up the place in protecting him.

Barr doesn’t have any evidence that supports his spying claim, yet he’ll mimic stupid talking points as part of his coverup to protect Donald Trump.

Someday, another criminal in elected office is going to ask, “Where’s my William Barr?”


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If You’re Gullible…


When I heard there was a story about NASA running a child slave colony on Mars, I thought it was coming from the Weekly World News. It sounds like something produced by the same people who gave us Bat Boy and Hitler’s brain in a jar. But apparently, people who get their news from conservative conspiracy theorists have their brains in a jar…or up their ass.

Instead of coming from a supermarket tabloid, the NASA slave colony story came from a source that’s on 118 radio stations nationwide and whose host was told by the president of the United States of America that his reputation is “amazing” and he would “win a Pulitzer in a long gone time of unbiased journalism.”

The Alex Jones Show (the same source that gave us the Pizzagate conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton’s campaign was running a child sex ring in the basement of a D.C. pizza shop that doesn’t have a basement), gave credence to the NASA Mars colony conspiracy. What is it with Alex Jones, who was recently given prime time coverage by Megan Kelly, wanting to believe in children-sex-slaves conspiracies? He has a really sick mind.

The rumor gained so much traction, which isn’t helped by Trump’s belief and promotion of bullshit, that NASA actually had to issue an official denial that they are NOT running a child slave colony on Mars.

I’m really starting to lose faith in society. It’s like people will believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows, oh wait. As it turns out, there’s a shit ton of people who believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. Granted, it was an online survey conducted by a dairy council, but it found that seven percent of Americans believe the brown cow story. You may think seven percent isn’t that bad, but seven percent of our nation is over 16 million people. That’s the population of Pennsylvania (which went to Donald Trump, by the way). In the interest of full disclosure, before I moved to Hawaii in 1997 I thought pineapples grew on trees.

If you believe NASA is operating a child-sex-ring on Mars and that chocolate milk isn’t produced by cocoa and sugar, but brown cows, then you will probably have faith that the Republican Congress can be trusted to repeal Obamacare, and replace it….eventually.

The Republicans controlled Congress during the Clinton and George W. Bush years. They never showed any interest in providing healthcare to Americans. During the Obama years, they voted to repeal the Affordable Healthcare Act multiple times, but never produced a replacement. It’s been over six months since they gained control of the White House, Senate and House, and they’ve yet to produce a workable healthcare plan. One might suspect that they just screamed and bitched for seven years without any ideas of their own. Hmmmm.

Donald Trump promised America that when Obamacare is repealed that it would be replaced immediately with “something better.” Now he’s buying into the Rand Paul idea of repealing now and replacing later. Rand Paul doesn’t like the government. He hates government spending on anything. If Obamacare is repealed I don’t expect him to produce any replacement ideas.

The Republicans floating this plan say there will be a deadline to deliver a replacement in a year. What happens if that deadline isn’t met? What coverage for Americans during that time frame? What about Americans lacking coverage when the GOP doesn’t deliver? If they repeal without replacing, they will not deliver. They’ve never cared in the past, they don’t care now, and they won’t care in the future. Repealing Obamacare now isn’t to help Americans with health insurance. It’s to deliver huge tax breaks for the rich.

Another threat from this idea is that we’ll move on from replacing Obamacare, and demand that the GOP have a replacement when they repeal. We can’t let them trick us into forgetting that repealing Obamacare is a really bad idea. They shouldn’t repeal Obamacare at all. They need to work with Democrats to make it better. The biggest problem Republicans and Trump have with Obamacare is that it’s called “Obamacare.”

The sad thing is, Trump’s supporters will believe he’ll eventually replace Obamacare. Of course, they also believe they’ll be fine if Obamacare is repealed because they’re covered by the Affordable Care Act. This is the same group that believes Trump won the popular vote, has the biggest crowds, was wiretapped by Obama, and that Trump will make America great again.

And they probably believe that brown cow Martian horse shit too.

Creative note: Yes, I took the Martian from the Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks. My regular readers know that I have a fondness for inserting movies that I love into my cartoons. Mars Attacks is not one of them. Great filmmaker. Huge star-studded cast. Yet, it totally sucked. Have you ever noticed that the more stars inserted in a film always means it’s going to be a terrible movie? Though with Mars Attacks, I still think the “ack ack ack ack” is funny.

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.