Conspiracy Theories

Trump’s Legal Brains


cjones11242020

If you want an idea of how nutzoid Trump election-stealing lawyer Sidney Powell is, take this in: Tucker Carlson can’t support her arguments…and Tucker has had shows about UFOs.

Tucker Carlson wants to believe in Sidney Powell. He said that he’s “always respected her work” and he’s holding out hope that she’ll provide evidence that thousands of votes were moved from Trump to Biden, which didn’t happen. Tucker is still stupid enough to hold out hope that election fraud occurred.

Do you understand that? Trump supporters are HOPING that our election was rigged and democracy failed. Do you know why? Because it’ll justify their stealing of an election. But right now, they don’t have any evidence or anything that supports their argument that Donald Trump won the election. Do you know why? Because Donald Trump did NOT win the election. Donald Trump lost and Joe Biden will be sworn in as president on January 20, 2021.

Sidney Powell is a Qanon-supporting nut. She has retweeted their theories on multiple occasions. She’s been a guest on Qanon’s YouTube show. Yes, they have a YouTube show. She’s Michael Flynn’s lawyer and now she’s arguing Donald Trump’s case that he won the election despite the fact he didn’t.

Sidney, along with Rudy Giuliani, suck. If they’re your legal team, you’re in trouble. I mean, you might as well invite Republican state legislatures to the White House and beg them to defy their constituents, break the law, invalidate votes, and just give you their state’s electors. Actually, Donald Trump did that yesterday.

Meanwhile, Powell and Giuliani are running around saying the election was stolen, Trump “won in a landslide,” And that it was manipulated by George Soros, the Clinton Foundation, and the deceased Hugo Chavez. At least Sidney’s hair dye isn’t running down her face.

Sidney Powell says she didn’t provide evidence to Tucker because he was rude. How about to the rest of us, Sidney? Their defenders are saying Trump’s legal team is holding their evidence for court…but they’re not using it in court. In fact, they keep having their cases thrown out of courts.

And while Trump’s legal team is arguing at press conferences outside dildo stores that massive voter fraud stole the election, when they’re in court, they’re saying there wasn’t any voter fraud.

So, if you don’t believe me that there was not any massive voter fraud, then take it from Trump’s stupid legal team. They’re telling you one thing and they’re telling judges something else. The judges aren’t buying it, but if you’re a Trump supporter, it’s a good thing for Trump that you’re stupid enough to buy it.

Trump’s legal team’s argument is even losing Fox News, who desperately wants to believe them. I guess this means during the Joe Biden era, Sidney Powell won’t have her own show on Fox. There’s always that Qanon YouTube channel…or Trump TV.

It’s hard for Donald Trump to hire capable lawyers because good lawyers don’t want to argue conspiracy theories in court. Crazy lawyers will though. And Donald Trump has cornered the market on crazy and hiring lunatics…even if the lunatics at Fox are losing hope.

Wanna know what’s even crazier than Sidney Powell saying Trump won in a landslide and blaming Hugo Chavez? 70% of Republicans believe her.

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Deep-State Voter Fraud


cjones11212020

What’s dumber than believing Donald Trump won the election or that there’s a deep-state cabal of Satan-worshipping cannibalistic lizard people running the government? Believing you can trust Donald Trump to work out a fair payment AFTER you perform a service for him.

Donald Trump has been sued numerous times by contractors for refusing to pay the price he agreed to in a contract. He’s even been sued by the lawyers who represented him in these disputes for non payments. So now Rudy Giuliani is publicly embarrassing himself for a price to be determined later.

Rudy is Trump’s lead legal fucknut in trying to steal the election from Joe Biden. In doing so, he has to present a case of total bullshit and conspiracy theories. Yesterday, Rudy argued a case in Pennsylvania and told the judge he wasn’t accusing anyone of voter fraud…and then blamed it all on voter fraud. He must have thought he was on Hannity.

There are reports that Rudy is charging $20,000 a day to represent Donald Trump in this attempt to steal the election. Rudy says those reports are lies…and you know how we can always trust Rudy to tell the truth. Rudy says they’ll work out a price after they’re done stealing the election and Donald Trump begins his second term.

Is Donald Trump stupid? Yes, he is, but he’s not dumb enough to pay Rudy $20,000 a day of his own money. His supporters are paying Rudy.

There’s only one thing dumber than voting for Donald Trump and that’s giving money to elect Donald Trump. His grifting is on public record. He publicly cried for an international summit to be given to one of his shitty golf resorts. A court has barred him and three of his shitty kids from participating with any charitable organizations in New York state because he stole from his own charity. Most people would go to prison for something like that. As president (sic), Donald Trump has directed millions of dollars of taxpayer money into his businesses. On top of all that, his campaign conducts events at his resorts where the Trump Campaign pays a fee to Donald Trump.

Giving money to support Donald Trump is like buying a new watch for the guy who stole your watch. So if you’re still giving money to the Trump Campaign, you’re giving it to Donald Trump. And if you’re dumb enough to give Trump money…are you dumb enough to believe a second Trump term will be saved by Rudy Giuliani, the guy who got scammed by Borat?

Part of this entire bullshit propaganda of Trump really winning the election and having it stolen by Democrats is to steal the election from Joe Biden. Another reason is to destroy faith in the government that takes over in January and make Joe Biden fail. But perhaps the greatest reason for this scam is that the Trump Campaign is still raising money for it.

But this time, it’s not going to a legal fight as much as it’s paying off campaign debt…and going into Donald Trump’s pockets. Maybe Trump will put the cash into his secret Chinese bank account or maybe he’ll put it towards the $500 million or so he owes to shady mystery creditors (probably Russians). Or maybe he’ll band use to pay off a real lawyer to help Rudy out the next time he tries to lure a teenage girl into a Manhattan hotel room supposedly for drinks while his hand is down his pants.

What’s almost just as crazy as believing Donald Trump will pay you later…or that Rudy Giuliani should lead your legal defense, is believing the election was stolen from Donald Trump.

70% of Republicans believe Donald Trump won the election and it’s being stolen by Democrats. And just like they didn’t have proof when a majority believed President Obama was born in Kenya, they don’t have any proof of massive voter fraud.

But hey, Republicans don’t need proof for bullshit. Ask Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones, or Donald Trump. And now with members of Qanon actually being elected to the United States Congress, anything goes.

Republicans don’t have any relationship with the truth. At this time, only four Republican senators have accepted that Joe Biden has won the election. Two Republicans senators are screaming for the secretary of state of Georgia to resign because he counted more votes for Biden than for Trump. Another senator has called the same secretary of state suggesting he throw out votes for Biden. You know, votes cast by black people.

Republicans don’t have integrity, don’t care about democracy, and don’t care about the truth. Don’t believe me? Let’s go grab dinner at Comet Pizza and ask them about it. Actually, I’m joking. I’d never have dinner with a Republican. I can’t eat while looking at you people.

Here’s a fact: Donald Trump will not be president after noon on January 20, 2021. Why? Because of the fact Joe Biden beat his ass in the presidential election. Donald Trump lost the election fair and square and there’s not enough Rudy bullshit in the world to change that fact.

Here’s an unfortunate fact: All these idiots who would rather believe in conspiracy theories about voter fraud, lizard people, devil worshippers, or Democratic pedophilic pizza makers, will still be around after Donald Trump is gone.

Another fun fact: Fuck COVID. I’m not going anywhere either.

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Tucker’s Lost Conspiracy


cjones11022020

You gotta be careful with where you put those conspiracies. They’re like car keys…or that one missing sock. Where’d it go? For me, it’s batteries. I’ll buy a pack of 20 batteries then when the remote dies, I can’t find the batteries. I go insane hunting for them until I finally give up and buy another package which also can’t be found six months later. I bet Hunter Biden’s taking them.

For the past few years, Rudy Giuliani has been on a Hunter Biden snipe hunt in Ukraine. And just like a real snipe hunt, Rudy hasn’t caught shit.

A snipe hunt is what you do to get the kids out of your hair while camping or hanging out with friends. You send the kids on a snipe hunt so you and the rest of the adults can get hammered or do whatever it is you don’t want the kids there to witness. The thing is, there is no such thing as a snipe. IF the kids are really stupid, they’ll be gone for hours. Don’t ask me how I know this. Come to think of it, I can’t think of a better way to get Rudy out of your hair than sending him an Eastern European snipe hunt. The only bad thing is, he comes back to go on Fox News to tell Hannity about the snipes he caught that we can’t see. Hannity gets excited about snipes. So does Tucker Carlson.

A few weeks ago, Rudy convinced The New York Post to run a story about Hunter Biden’s laptop which contained incriminating emails that implicated him in nefarious evil plots with his father, Joe Biden. The only problem was, there was no actual proof the laptop belonged to Hunter Biden.

No credible news outlets would take the story. Not even Fox News. The reporter who was forced to write the story for the Post refused to put his name on it. Later, a former associate of Hunter, Tony Bobulinski, turned up with “incriminating” documents proving Hunter is one bad dude and his father bwahahahahahahas with him.

Once again, no credible media outlets would touch the story. The documents were crap. The Wall Street Journal refused the story. But good ole Tucker Carlson came along and gave Bobabooey an interview on his crap show, which made a lot of conspiracy theorists say, “A-ha!” But of course, it was all a bunch of accusations without any proof. I mean, if allegations were proof, then Donald Trump is a rapist.

Then it got even weirder. On Wednesday night, Tucker claimed a shipment of “damning” documents being shipped to him had VANISHED!!! He wondered how such a nefarious thing could happen to a “trove of materials that are directly relevant to the presidential campaign that’s six days away.” Did the Satanic pedophiliac deep state intercept them in Wichita?

Then, on Thursday morning, Tucker said they had been found but there was still malfeasance. Somehow, the package had been opened and the flash drive containing all the evil Biden stuff had fallen out. Is UPS part of the deep state? Does Hillary drive a brown truck?

Of course, when you have such important documents incriminating a presidential candidate in evil plots, you make copies. Right? Right! And Tucker made copies. And……….he still hasn’t released the copies. While complaining about the documents disappearing, then reappearing while being shipped, he never once told us anything about what was in the documents.

For all we know, the documents are like that giant book given to Lesley Stahl by Kayleigh McEnany which she claimed contained Trump’s healthcare plan. The book was actually like 7,000 pages of Trump word salad. Unlike Tucker would do, Lesley opened the book.

Then, NBC reported that a 64-page dossier floating around on the dark web (4chan and Qanon) documenting a complex conspiracy involving Hunter Biden and China was actually authored by a fake persona. In case you’re a Republican…or you watch Tucker Carlson Tonight…or you are Tucker Carlson, “fake persona” means the person doesn’t exist. The documents are fake, bogus, bullshit. I’m so sorry.

The question is, was this 64-page fake dossier the documents Tucker was waiting on from UPS? If so, why didn’t he just download them off the internet? Why were they even shipped in the first place? This isn’t 1992. You can email files now. If the files are really large, you can share them through Google Drive. I know this from personal experience. I have a computer. It seems like the only reason you would actually ship documents is because you’re hoping to lose them or they get mangled in a sorting machine.

Not only do these Hunter stories not pass muster for real journalists, they don’t pass the stink test for bar gossip. Who, what, where, when, why? They don’t have any of that. And if you were pushing this stuff in a bar, the bartender should cut you off.

Tucker Carlson is not a journalist. He’s not even a good fearmonger. Now, Tucker says we should just forget about all of it and leave Hunter Biden alone. You know what that means, don’t you? It means Tucker actually looked at the documents, finally, and discovered they were so full of shit, they didn’t even meet his standards. Who’s researching this shit for Tucker? Does he have the same clerk as Brett Kavanaugh?

It’s too bad Tucker isn’t a journalist. If he was, he would have taken a look at the info before telling his viewers he had info. As it turned out, he had shit. Tucker promised and he didn’t deliver. He’s like Geraldo and Al Capone’s vault. He cracked the safe and found dirt and empty bottles.

When Geraldo opened Al Capone’s safe and struck out, he knew he failed. He went across the street and got “tequila drunk.” Geraldo knew he sold an empty promise and there was nothing journalistic about it. But it made for great ratings. Really. Thirty million people watched for two hours as Geraldo opened an empty box….kinda like those Republican California ballot boxes.

Tucker isn’t that aware. He’s just going to ignore this ever happened and jump on the next bullshit conspiracy theory…what is it now, illegal voters with mail-in ballots? Are they all brown? Is George Soros behind it?

Hey, maybe someone will mail him documents.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

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The Pusher Provocateur


cjones06122020

The reason Donald Trump is NOT my president isn’t that I don’t like him or disagree with his politics. George W. Bush was my president and I didn’t like him. Donald Trump is not my president because he’s not a president.

Donald Trump hasn’t taken one moment to be presidential. I found it funny that he and his campaign promised he would be presidential after he was inaugurated which was an acknowledgment he wasn’t presidential and instead was behaving like an immature narcissistic toddler with major insecurity issues because his parents didn’t love him. On top of not being presidential, Donald Trump doesn’t even pretend he wants my support. He caters to the most racist and vile of America. He also caters to the most stupid.

Say what you will about George W. Bush and his lie to get us to invade Iraq, but even he didn’t push the lie that Iraq funded al Qaida or attacked us on 9/11. Make no mistake, that lie was spread by others and the Bush administration didn’t do anything to kill it. In fact, they went out of their way to avoid it with Dick Cheney going so far as to say he could see why some Americans would believe Iraq attacked us on 9/11, without saying whether it was true or not. They were bastards but even those bastards didn’t want to be on the record pushing baseless conspiracy theories. Being a person of low moral fiber and void of ethics and principles entirely, Donald Trump has no qualms about spreading bullshit.

Donald Trump has spread a lot of bullshit. Some more harmful than others. His first act as president (sic) was to send Sean Spicer out to lie about crowd sizes. While that lie and the ones about illegal voters might make you roll your eyes, his conspiracy theories about Obama wiretapping Trump Tower and the FBI engaging in a deep state coup only helps Russia. His attacks on Joe Scarborough being a murderer is sickening. And like after each of these stupid attacks, you think he can’t get any worse knowing full well he will. He did.

Yesterday, he tweeted a conspiracy theory that Martin Gugino, the 75-year-old man Buffalo police shoved to the ground during a protest was really an “antifa agent provocateur.” Yup. Donald Trump, who was probably inspecting the bunker behind the new fence and soldiers surrounding the White House when he sent that tweet, was pushing a conspiracy theory that originated on the dark web.

Donald Trump got the conspiracy theory from One America News. Even when Sean Hannity pushed the Seth Rich conspiracy theory, it was on his stupid opinion show and not part of an actual news story on Fox News. OAN, just like your crazy tinfoil-hat wearing uncle who lives in your grandmother’s attic you’re forced to see every Thanksgiving, does not know the difference between propaganda and news. That explains why Donald Trump watches it.

Trump tweeted, “Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up?”

Previously, ONA pushed a conspiracy theory that Covid-19 was an effort by Bill Gates, George Soros, China, the Deep State in population control. What’s more fucked up than that is the President (sic) of the United States watches it. Of course, this is the same guy who thought the National Enquirer should have won a Pulitzer Prize and its chief should become the publisher of The New York Times.

The reporter who pushed this story on OANN is a Russian who has also worked for Sputnik, a Kremlin-controlled news outlet. Sputnik is just one of Russia’s weapons used to attack American elections. OANN is not a legitimate news organization which explains why they actually have a reporter at White House press briefings who is often called on by Press Secretary, Kayleigh McEnany to ask questions like, “Is it alarming that major media players, just to oppose you, are consistently siding with foreign state propaganda, Islamic radicals, and Latin gangs and cartels? And they work right here at the White House with direct access to you and your team?” Scooch over, Hannity. There’s a new burrower for Trump’s sphincter.

Where did OANN get this stupid conspiracy theory? You’ll be glad to know it’s not from 4chan or Qanon. Nope. It’s from Conservative Treehouse, the new 4chan. It’s still a home for tiki-torch Nazis wearing that racist frog symbol on their T-shirts.

Spreading this shit is dangerous. I bet you believe antifa is instigating riots and most protests aren’t peaceful. Republicans are pushing that shit despite there not being any facts to base it on. Now, the fucknuts will believe a victim of police brutality was an agent of antifa while not realizing there is no antifa organization. The real irony here is that every single one of these pushers of conspiracy theories, including Donald Trump, are “useful idiots” for Russia and are acting as…wait for it…agent provocateurs.

As usual, very few Republicans condemned Donald Trump’s tweet. Mitt Romney called it “shocking” while the rest of the Republican Senate pretended they hadn’t seen it. Cowards.

Yesterday, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said, “President Trump did a tweet today that surprises me — even after all the tweets that he has done.”

Cuomo added, “What do you think, it was staged? You think the blood coming out of his head was staged? Is that what you’re saying? You saw his head hit the pavement, you see blood on the pavement. He should apologize for that tweet, because it is wholly unacceptable. Show some decency, show some humanity… you’re the president of the United States.”

The only thing I disagree with Governor Cuomo on is that he called Donald Trump “President Trump.”

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Conspiracy Pox


cjones03102020

I would really love it if Democrats would stop sounding like Donald Trump supporters.

It’s bad enough that Vladimir Putin is helping Bernie Sanders because he believes that’s the best way to help Donald Trump. It’s just as bad that Bernie Bro’s are online dicks and trolls. And then, you even have Bernie complaining about the “establishment.”

Let’s make something perfectly clear. There is no grand conspiracy to “steal” the nomination from Bernie Sanders. Before Super Tuesday, he only had 58 delegates. That’s a long way from securing the nomination. Nobody is rigging the system against Bernie. And to show you just how stupid it is to play the conspiracy game about the DNC and Bernie, Donald Trump called the endorsements from Amy Klobuchar, Pete Buttigieg, and Beto O’Rourke a “coup” against Bernie.

Congratulations, Democratic conspiracy theorists. You’re on the same level of thinking and paranoia as Donald Trump. Voting or endorsing is not a coup. It’s democratic. It’s politics. Bernie would have to be the leader of the party and then thrown out in an illegal manner for it to be a coup. Donald Trump’s excuse for not knowing the definition of a coup is that he’s Donald Trump. If you’re a Democrat, you don’t have an excuse.

Donald Trump sandwiches his conspiracy theories about the DNC between his conspiracy theories about Ukraine election meddling and his conspiracy theories about Covid-19 being out to get him. Don’t be like Trump. You’re supposed to be better than that.

You don’t need a conspiracy to believe the majority of the party rejects a socialist who isn’t a member of the party. You don’t need a conspiracy theory that the majority doesn’t want to run a socialist against Donald Trump. You need a conspiracy theory to believe Beto O’Rourke, who is no longer in Congress, is a failed Senate candidate, and a failed presidential candidate represents the establishment.

The DNC didn’t give Joe Biden a huge win Tuesday night. Democratic voters did. If you really believe black voters, who solidly supported Joe Biden, are the establishment, then I challenge you to put that on a T-Shirt and sell it.

What happened Tuesday night may not have even been a sound rejection of Bernie Sanders as much as it was a mandate that the majority of voters are ready to move on to the nominee and start the campaign against Donald Trump. I don’t think there’s better proof of that than Elizabeth Warren coming in third in Massachusetts.

No, her constituents don’t hate her. They’re not sexist. They’re ready to move on. They saw that Warren doesn’t stand a chance to get the nomination so they put their eggs in baskets where they thought they’d be used better. Basically, her voters in her state didn’t view her as a candidate anymore. Hell, most of them would probably prefer her but she’s no longer in the game. Maybe on Tuesday, she finally got that message.

I like Bernie. I like Elizabeth. I would prefer one of them over Biden. But I get it. The party wants to move. And, you don’t have to like it. Just deal with reality. The thing is, it’s not important if Bernie, Liz or Joe is the President of the United States of America. What’s important is that Donald Trump is not. That’s the reality you need to get.

Take this from a guy who shouts at his television and talks to himself along with inanimate objects: Stop talking like you’re in the Trump cult…or I’ll call the truck and have them take you away.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Is There A Corrupt Plan B?


CNN02162020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

After all that, sending Rudy to Ukraine to create conspiracy theories, to accuse the Bidens of corruption, to break the law by asking a foreign nation to help you politically, to withhold taxpayer military funding from an ally at war with an enemy, to lie, obstruct Congress, to go through all that corruption, and ultimately impeachment…and the guy you did it to beat probably won’t be the nominee.

Good job, dumbass.

Support the cartoonist.

 

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Tinfoil Foiled


cjones12122019

The tinfoil hat club got foiled. They got hoisted on their own petard, not that any of them knows what “hoisted” means or what a “petard” is.

Since he “won” the election, Trump has been screaming that the Russia investigation was a huge hoax, never should have happened, a coup attempt, illegal, an attempt to overthrow the government, and an act of the deep state. He claimed Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He appointed an Attorney General, William Barr, who would champion his conspiracy theories. Barr even said he believed there was spying in the Trump campaign. There was, but it wasn’t from an American agency. But they don’t want to talk about that because they invited that spying.

Do you remember before the Mueller Report came out how Republicans kept saying that we need to accept the findings if it proved Trump innocent? Well, it didn’t prove him innocent, but that’s not the point I’m making. William Barr appointed the Justice Department’s Inspector General to investigate the investigation that investigated the Trump campaign colluding with Russia. Now that the investigation is complete, Trump supporters don’t want to accept the findings. Even Barr, who made this investigation happen, doesn’t want to accept the findings.

Fox News’ Laura Ingraham, Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity all hailed that the report proved them right all along which proves they don’t actually read anything. William Barr released a statement saying, “The inspector general’s report now makes clear that the FBI launched an intrusive investigation of a U.S. presidential campaign on the thinnest of suspicions that, in my view, were insufficient to justify the steps taken.” Uh, no it didn’t.

Barr also said, “FBI officials misled the FISA court, omitted critical exculpatory facts from their filings, and suppressed or ignored information negating the reliability of their principal source.” Actually, that sounds like what Barr did when he presented a summary of the Mueller Report.

Donald Trump said the findings are “far worse than I ever thought possible,” which means he only read Barr’s statement.

What the IG report did was debunk their conspiracy theories. Other than discovering Ivanka Trump and Christopher Steele, who wrote the infamous dossier that mentions a pee tape and whom Trump and his cult have been attacking for years, had a friendship that was described as “personal,” we didn’t really learn anything from the report. And before I get too distracted, “bow-chicka-wow-wow?”

The report stated the Steele Dossier didn’t play a role in opening the investigation. While the report found faults in some warrant requests that used information from the Steele Dossier, the FBI started the investigation based on a tip it received days before about a Trump campaign adviser, George Papadopoulos, from a foreign ally, Australia. If you’re not wearing tinfoil on your head, you already knew this.

What is true is that our ally, Australia, was more concerned about protecting our national security from an attack from Russia than Donald Trump or his idiot son, Donald Trump Jr., was. While Australia was telling the FBI that Russians were spying on the Clinton campaign and giving the material to the Trump team, Don Jr. was inviting Russians into the campaign headquarters. If you haven’t been drinking the Trump cult Kool-Aid, you already knew this.

Trump and his cult have repeatedly attacked Lisa Page, a former FBI lawyer, and Peter Strzok, a former top FBI agent, who were both removed from the Russia investigation after text messages uncovered between the two showed “hostility” toward Trump during his candidacy. But, Page didn’t have any role in opening the investigation and Strzok was not the man in charge of it. Deep-state conspiracy theory foiled. No political bias was used in the investigation. If you don’t have your head buried up Trump’s ass, you already knew this.

The report didn’t mention Obama wiretapping Trump Tower which is a claim Trump made shortly after he assumed office, but never corroborated. It was a Trump lie. Another detail that foils the tinfoil hat club is there was only one member of the Trump campaign the FBI was wiretapping. That was Carter Page. They didn’t even request warrants on George Papadopoulos, campaign chairman Paul Manafort or Michael Flynn, who all had connections to Russia. If you’re not a Fox News viewer, you already knew this.

The FBI did not plant spies in the Trump Campaign. What the report found is there were members of the campaign who sent information to the FBI, but none of that affected the investigation because all that information was all over the internet.

When Russia attacks our election, we need to investigate it. What we shouldn’t do is attack the investigators. What we shouldn’t do is defend Russia. Donald Trump, William Barr, the idiots at Fox News, and your idiot tinfoil-hat-wearing, attic-dwelling uncle whom you hate having over for Thanksgiving have spent the past three years defending Russia and putting Putin before America.

William Barr didn’t have the Inspector General investigate the investigation to produce facts. He created it to support Trump’s conspiracy theories. If you read Barr’s statements on the IG report, you’ll see he’s only talking to Donald Trump. He’s ignoring a report he demanded from his own department.

There is not a deep state. What we can take solace from is that there are still honest and ethical people in the government who will defy the cult members Trump has appointed.

There is not a deep state. There are no chemtrails. Obama did not bug Trump Tower. Uranium One has been debunked. The Clintons didn’t kill Jeffrey Epstein. There weren’t millions of illegal voters. Obama was born in the United States. Hillary Clinton didn’t run a child-sex-slave ring in a Washington pizza joint. It was Russia, not Ukraine, that meddled in the 2016 election. There are no lizard people.

What we do know from the report is that Donald Trump and William Barr are liars who will use government resources to rig the system. But, if you don’t watch Fox News, drink the Trump cult Kool-Aid, wear a tinfoil hat, or have your head buried up Trump’s ass, you already knew that.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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Ruh-Roh Rudy


cjones12092019

While on his “rogue” tour of Europe seeking conspiracy theories to aid Trump’s reelection and impeachment defense, Rudy Giuliani blew the “no quid pro quo” defense out of the water.

From Ukraine, where he refused to admit he was after admitting he was there, Rudy tweeted, “The conversation about corruption in Ukraine was based on compelling evidence of criminal conduct by then VP Biden, in 2016, that has not been resolved and until it is will be a major obstacle … to the US assisting Ukraine with its anti-corruption reforms.”

In case you’re a Republican, let me point out where he blew up your defense. He said if Biden’s “criminal conduct” isn’t resolved, then it will be a “major obstacle” to the U.S. assisting Ukraine with anti-corruption reforms. He’s demanding a quid pro quo for made-up dirt on Joe Biden.

First, there is no evidence that Joe Biden, or even Hunter, engaged in any corruption. If Rudy has evidence of that then he should reveal it. Second, it doesn’t help the argument that Trump didn’t seek election help from a foreign nation while his private goon is skulking across foreign nations seeking election help. And, he’s doing it during the impeachment inquiry. Third, during the conversation Rudy is referring to, Trump never said the word “corruption.”

Seriously, if Rudy Giuliani is your knight in shining armor you’re depending on to save you, you’re pretty much fucked. Maybe better proof that Trump isn’t all there mentally than his rant about flushing toilets is his continued reliance on Rudy Giuliani.

When asked by The Blaze’s Eric Bolling ( who may or may not have been fired from Fox News for sending pics to staffers of his penis), if he was in Ukraine, Rudy said, “I am not here to…I don’t have to defend myself.”

Traveling while producing a documentary for a right-wing network that’s not Fox News, Rudy wouldn’t confirm he’s in Ukraine, but several Ukrainian conspiracy theorists tweeted photos of them hanging out with the former mayor. He also met with pro-Russian Ukrainians who support that nation’s annexation of Crimea. And, he met with the prosecutor whom the entire western world considered corrupt. Rudy calling for investigations into corruption while hanging out with corrupt people is kinda like Donald Trump promising to drain the swamp. If these guys were looking for Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman’s killer, they’d hire O.J. to conduct the investigation.

Part of the Republicans’ defense against impeachment are conspiracy theories. They are trying to build a case that Joe Biden is corrupt and that Ukraine meddled in our 2016 election, neither of which has any evidence to support it.

Some Republicans who aren’t totally insane are not happy with Rudy’s “meddling” in Ukraine. Dan Eberhart, a prominent Republican donor and Trump supporter, said, “The fact that Giuliani is back in Ukraine is like a murder suspect returning to the crime scene to live-stream themselves moon dancing.”

This is Trump and Giuliani’s narcissism. They’re refusing to admit they did something wrong, so they’re defending themselves by doubling down, doing it again and tweeting out photos of it. It’d be like Eric Bolling texting, “I never sent anyone any wiener pics” in a text with a wiener pic.

These people are idiots. The man in charge of Trump’s Ukraine mission conducts a call with Trump on a cell phone in a Russian hot spot for spies, Rudy won’t say he’s in Ukraine while the people he’s meeting in that nation are tweeting out photos of it, they tell us there’s no quid pro quo while demanding a quid pro quo, and Devin Nunes is sitting on a panel investigating this scam after he participated in it.

When Scooby and the gang pull off the mask of this monster, the villain will be Trump…or Devin Nunes…or Rudy Giuliani…or…

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Putin’s Minions


cjones12052019

Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana is not a stupid man. If you’ve seen him question Trump’s nominees to the judiciary, you know he’s no Cindy Hyde-Smith. But if you’ve seen him on news shows recently talking about foreign governments meddling in the 2016 presidential election, you’ll think he’s very confused.

A week ago, he went on Fox News and said Ukraine meddled in the election in favor of Hillary Clinton. The next day, he went on CNN and said he couldn’t understand the questions on Fox and he misspoke. Russia was the only nation that meddled in the election. Last week, he was stating it was Russia AND Ukraine. He said it was a “fact” that Ukraine’s former president got involved in our last election to help Hillary Clinton.

It’s not true. Sure, a lot of Ukrainian government officials weren’t in love with Donald Trump, a candidate who didn’t just express an affinity for Russian President Vladimir Putin, but also indicated he didn’t have any problem with that nation invading and taking land from Ukraine. Of course, they didn’t like Donald Trump. Not liking someone is not proof of meddling. If it was, then nearly every world leader meddled in the last election (in case you’re a Republican, it’s because most world leaders don’t like Donald Trump).

There is no proof, nothing, nada, zip, that Ukraine meddled in our last election. There are no “facts” that support Kennedy’s claim that the former President of Ukraine got involved in the presidential election. None. Every intelligence agency of the United States has stated Russia meddled in the election. At this very moment, there are court cases proceeding against Russians in this nation for meddling in our election. There are none against Ukrainians. Fact, fact, fuckity fact. And, John Kennedy knows this. He knows it well. Since Kennedy knows this, and he’s not an idiot, yet he keeps saying something that’s not true, what is the explanation?

Easy. Senator John Kennedy is a coward.

John Kennedy is afraid of Donald Trump. More to the point, he’s afraid of the Trump cult. Every Republican’s worst nightmare is that Donald Trump will send a nasty tweet their way and they’ll end up like South Carolina’s Mark Sanford. It’s why Lindsey Graham doesn’t have principles anymore. It’s why Ted Cruz is fine with Trump insulting his wife’s looks. It’s why Mitch McConnell is now Moscow Mitch. Now, we Kremlin Kennedy.

John Kennedy is a coward afraid of Trump, but his support of this idiotic conspiracy theory also aids Vladimir Putin. Putin is the creator of this conspiracy theory. There are no facts to support it which is OK for Donald Trump, but Kennedy? John Kennedy is a smart man. He shares a name with a greater man who stood up to Russia. He’s a Senator in my home state. He should be better than this. He’s telling us he’s not. He would rather serve Putin in his cowardice than represent his constituents and defend America.

America deserves better than these Vichy Republicans who will sacrifice their nation for the Trump cult. The only reason their spines don’t break from the constant bending over is that they don’t have any. Yesterday, Republicans issued a report that was over 100 pages, full of lies, exonerating Trump asking a foreign nation to meddle in our next election.

Trump asked a foreign nation to meddle in our last election (Russia, if you’re listening). Recently, he asked another to meddle in our next election. Republicans are looking at the facts that he cheated once and attempted to cheat again, and are now saying let him go ahead and play the game.

I thought the Minions in Despicable Me were cute as hell when that film first came out. After the subpar sequels, their own spinoff film, and trillions of memes and products, I hate them. They’re everywhere and it’s not cute anymore. But yet, they’re not as annoying as Putin’s Republican minions who are also everywhere.

Republicans like John Kennedy should stop being minions and be representatives serving our nation. Stop serving Putin. And trust me on this, it’s not cute and it never was.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Tinfoil Hat Club


cjones08202019

Here’s a quick little bonus cartoon I thought would be fun to draw. I didn’t need to draw this cartoon since I already covered the issue, but some of my clients and readers may prefer to publish and share this one. Mostly, I just wanted another shot at drawing a tinfoil hat and this time in the shape of the way I caricature Trump’s stupid combover.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.