Pootie Juice


As President Ronald Reagan’s relationship with Soviet Premiere Mikhail Gorbachev got warmer, he said about their negotiations over a nuclear treaty, “Trust but verify.” Today, as we deal with Russians, it’s not just them we can’t trust. We can’t trust our own president (sic).

While Ronald Reagan wasn’t the most trustworthy person himself (Hello? Iran/Contra anyone?), he didn’t push conspiracy theories or worst of all, become a poodle for the Russian leader.

This week, Russia announced it had developed a vaccine for the coronavirus. Yay. Problem solved. Let’s reopen schools, get this economy rolling again, and play some football. Above all else, make sure you vote for Donald Trump, and don’t forget to thank him. Uh…not just yet.

There’s a reason Donald Trump relates so well with Russian President Vladimir Putin. It’s that they’re both dishonest, corrupt, and are both fashionable. Wait. Not “fashionable.” Fascist.

Vladimir Putin is touting this drug that’ll probably be endorsed by Doctor Demon Sperm. Fascist of the Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte, says he’s going to take it. Putin claims one of his daughters has taken it. We don’t know how many children Putin has but that daughter is probably his least favorite. Maybe she listens to Pussy Riot.

The thing is, this vaccine has only been tested for two months on humans. And, if it’s only been tested on Trump sycophants, then it hasn’t been tested on humans at all. More like nutless monkeys.

In a rush to be first, they may be releasing a corrupt vaccine. Doctors in the U.S. and Europe have expressed concern over the vaccine not being tested enough. The World Health Organization has listed six vaccinations, with over 100 being developed worldwide, that have reached phase three of clinical trials. The Putin Vaccine is not one of them. For all we know, after you take it, you might grow a tail and get fuzzy nipples.

As one European health official said, “Based on everything we know, this has not been sufficiently tested. It’s not about being first somehow. It’s about having a safe vaccine.” Another said, “We do not know the methodology or the results of their clinical trials.” We’re being told not to ask what’s in it and to just drink it. As Donald Trump would see, “We’ll see what happens.” What might happen is growing a tail.

Here in the states, Dr. Anthony Fauci isn’t a true believer. He said, “I hope that the Russians have actually definitively proven that the vaccine is safe and effective. I seriously doubt that they’ve done that.” And like with Trump, if Putin promises, it’s probably not just a lie, but dangerous and stupid.

But nations with corrupt and really bad horrible rotten leadership are excited to try without asking questions. Duterte said, “I believe the vaccine that you have produced is really good for humanity. I will be the first one to be experimented on.” But how does he know it’s “really good for humanity”? Because Putin told him so? Israel is already lining up to purchase. I wouldn’t trust a band-aid from Putin. But you know, if people like Duterte and Benjamin Netanyahu want to be the first to be “experimented” on, then maybe this isn’t all bad though I’m not looking forward to seeing Bibi’s hairy nipples. Anyone else?

Since horrible leaders are trusting Putin on this vaccine, where does Donald Trump stand? Trump trusts Putin over our intelligence agencies. Hell, he trusts Dr. Demon Sperm over Dr. Fauci. If you’re saying what Donald Trump wants to hear, he’ll buy it. The Russian vaccine may put Donald Trump, the anti-vaxxer, into a precarious position. Trump has also said we’ll have a vaccine by election day, which means he may eagerly accept Putin’s vaccine. Most experts don’t believe we’ll have a viable vaccine until the middle of next year. In case you’re a Republican, next year is 2021.

And since Donald Trump says we should have a regular football season, it’s all the more reason we shouldn’t.

Trump thinks the Trump Virus won’t be a concern with football since college athletes are young and healthy. He also spreads lies that the virus isn’t contagious from small children and touts how it only kills a few of them, so go ahead and send them back to school. Isn’t that the pro-gun argument?

It’s like Donald Trump doesn’t understand the virus is transmittable. Sure, the virus won’t kill a lot of football players. Maybe it’ll only kill a few and if we’re lucky, they’ll just be punters or Tom Brady (I kid!!!! mostly). But these healthy players will give it to people who aren’t so young, like Alabama coach Nick Saban. Hmm. Maybe we should play football.

But, just in case you’re just now tuning in, Donald Trump is an idiot. If he thinks college football should be played this season, then it shouldn’t. It’s weird Donald Trump wants us to play football, send kids to school, get everybody back to work…but delay the election.

The thing is, kids, we’re not going to see anything close to normal until there is a vaccine and unfortunately, the first few we see probably won’t be legit.

And hey, I’m not a fan of having to wear a mask, especially for four hours straight in an airplane and two hours during a Houston layover yesterday, but it has to be done for now. Maybe forever. And just like with the face masks, I would hate to not have a football season but playing football right now is probably stupid. I’m sorry it’s not normal not having a football season…but these are not normal times.

If we really want to get back to normal, or as close to it as possible, then we shouldn’t extend ourselves into frivolous activities, like football and biker rallies. Hell, we’ve shut down the more important ones like going to school and work.

Maybe we shouldn’t be going back to school or playing sports until people can meet the president without taking  Trump Virus test beforehand.

Hopefully, that president will be Joe Biden.

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  1. Putin handing out a vaccine cannot be unrelated to the new ‘settlers’ handing out blankets to the natives. I’m not getting in line, thank you very much mr. president.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My yogini’s husband is a Walgreens attorney. She told me yesterday that Walgreens is getting ready for an influx of people coming in for the flu vaccine, in hopes that it will combat COVID, too, altho no claims [legitimate] have been made that this is so. BUT, if we can get MORE people to take the flu vaccine, perhaps we can reduce the number of illnesses and deaths from that. Works for me. (Hubby and I are usually there within a few days of the vaccine being available at Walgreens, even tho we no longer work in Wisconsin schools; talk about petri dishes!!)

    Liked by 3 people

      1. We are both encouraging others to NOT let their children go to school. Hubby was an elementary librarian, so he knows of what he speaks. Even in high school, illnesses are passed around like . . . well, I was gonna say ‘notes’, but I guess kids haven’t done that since *I* was in high school. But you get the point. [I wish others would!]

        Liked by 2 people

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