Trump Virus

An Argument For School Beatings


cjones08082020

Yesterday, I read a post by a conservative Trump-supporting fucknut who claimed his child’s pediatrician is all for schools reopening and for children to attend classes in person. There’s always that one dentist who endorses the cavity-creating gum.

First off, he’s probably lying because this person does that a LOT, plus, he’s a Trump supporter which also means he could be lying or not comprehending what the pediatrician actually said. But the big takeaway I have from this is, get another pediatrician. Or maybe your kid should find new parents.

It’s bad enough your pediatrician is playing politics with your child’s life, but you? You’re willing to throw your kid off a cliff and believe there’s a net to catch him because Donald Trump, who has told over 20,000 lies as president, says there’s a net?

Everybody wants schools to reopen. Just like nobody is arguing the country should be closed permanently, I haven’t heard anyone make the case for never reopening schools. I remember when my kid was little. I remember pulling my hair out. I remember wanting to run away and never to be seen or heard from again. I remember those days of wanting to kill your kid while still loving him. I remember hours upon hours of, “why?”. I get it. Get those kids out of the house and back in school. But I know now is not the time.

Southern states made an argument to reopen in the midst of the Trump Virus. They were wrong and more people died. Donald Trump made an argument to restart his hate rallies. He was wrong and people died. Ask Herman Cain. Oh wait. You can’t. So, the same people who were wrong about reopening their states and hate rallies still want to try it with schools? They still want to play politics with your kids’ lives?

Yesterday, Donald Trump said kids are “virtually immune” to the Trump Virus. That’s not wrong. It’s a flat-out lie. He knows it’s a lie and he keeps saying it. Remember his other lies about the virus? It’s going to disappear? It’ll be gone by Easter? Everyone who wants a test can get a test? Hey, take some malaria medication? Hey, drink bleach?

Here’s a crazy idea that’s as wild as not voting for the candidate endorsed by Russia: Don’t listen to Donald Trump especially when it comes to the life of your child. Don’t support the candidate willing to sacrifice your child for his own personal gain.

Here’s a test about whether or not you’re in a cult: If you’re still supporting the guy willing to kill your kid for his narcissism, you’re in a cult. Here’s another one: If you’re defending Dr. Demon Sperm, you’re in a cult (I’m looking at you, every Republican political cartoonist).

But then again, Donald Trump did make a very strong argument for the importance of education. Kids need school. If they don’t go, they may never become fully literate. If that happens, someday they may be forced to read aloud as an adult and they won’t be able to pronounce “Yosemite.”

To sum up, until we can get our kids back in school, Dr. Clay recommends hours on top of hours of old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Look how I turned out?

Disclaimer: I’m not a real doctor, but I have drawn cartoons of them.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Why, Covid, Why?


cjones08072020

In the midst of a pandemic, it seems the safest and surest way of voting would be by mail. Naturally, the idea of as many Americans as possible exercising their Constitutional right to vote for their chosen candidate scares the hell out of Republicans. Why? Because Republicans do better with fewer people voting. Republicans do better when they disenfranchise people from voting.

More people vote for Democrats than for Republicans in this country. That’s a fact. The only way Republicans control the Senate is because there are two Senators for each state. There are 42 states in this country that has a smaller population than Los Angeles County alone. So, a state like Wyoming, which only has around 580,000 people has just as much representation in the United States Senate as California, a state with a population approaching 40 million. One of the mantras of the American Revolution was, “No taxation without representation.” What about under-representation?

The 22 smallest U.S. states would have to be added together to match California’s population. So basically, there are 38 million Americans with 44 Senators and there is another 38 million with only 2. So our Senate system is unfair. Why should Californians be punished and under-represented? This is the same argument with the electoral college. Republicans believe acres of dirt should have more representation than people in blue states.

It’s just as bad with Congress. While you can’t gerrymander a state, you can with districts. Both parties have played the game of gerrymandering by redrawing district lines when their party controls their state legislature. But Republicans are much worse, or perhaps much better at it. In 2018, Democrats picked up 38 seats in Congress by winning 53% of the vote nationally in Congressional races. In 1994, during that huge wave of Republicans riding on Newt Gingrich’s Contract With America bullshit, the GOP picked up 54 seats in Congress by winning 51% of the vote.

Do you see what I see? Do you see the fact? Democrats needed a bigger margin of votes to win Congress in 2018…and they still got fewer seats than the GOP did when they took over Congress in 94. Republicans got more with less. How? Cheating!

Why do Democrats need more people to vote to beat Republicans, and still get less when they win? Because Republicans cheat. They gerrymander. They disenfranchise voters. They restrict who can vote. They remove people from voting rolls (Blacks, Hispanics, Native Americans, college students, etc). They remove voting precincts in minority neighborhoods. And, they ask foreign nations for help.

Worst of all, Donald Trump is president (sic) despite losing the popular vote. Despite that, Trump supporters love to say he’s the choice of the American people. He wasn’t then and he won’t be in 2020.

And still, Republicans make shit up about voter fraud. The idea here is when Donald Trump loses, there will be doubt among his supporters. There are still idiots for Trump who believe over 3 million non-citizens voted in 2016. They don’t have any proof but then again, they also believe Obama is a Kenyan who wiretapped Trump Tower.

Donald Trump claimed that there were over 3 million illegal voters in 2016. He created an election commission that disbanded after it couldn’t’ find any voter fraud. When Democrat Doug Jones won Jeff Sessions’ former Senate seat in Alabama, Republicans claimed black people were bussed in from Mississippi to vote. Donald Trump even argued that IDs should be required to vote because you need them to buy cereal, probably because one time, Eric was told Trix are for kids.

And now, there are cries about voter fraud with mail-in voting. It doesn’t exist. Donald Trump says absentee voting is fine, but mail-in voting isn’t. He’s fine with absentee voting because that’s how he votes. The thing is, absentee and mail-in voting are the same things.

And now, Donald Trump is suing to stop Nevada from mail-in voting while saying it’s OK if Florida does it. His argument for why it’s OK for Florida but not Nevada? Because Republicans control Florida. This is not a theory or speculation. He said it outright. And since Republicans control Florida, especially a Republican Trump sycophant who would rather watch his people die than risk provoking an angry Trump tweet, they can steal the election for Donald Trump.

Do you remember the hanging chad thing in the 2000 election? Who won Florida that year? The Supreme Court told the state to stop counting after the Republicans there, installed by George W. Bush’s brother, gave him the election. Al Gore won Florida but they gave it to Bush.

Whether it’s mail-in voting or in person, the Republicans are going to try to steal the election. It’s what they do. Why? Because they’re Republicans. They were cheating before Trump came along, but now with Trump, it’s much more brazen and stupid. They don’t hide it well.

Donald Trump literally said he’s OK with mail-in voting in Florida because his corrupt party controls the state.

This time it’s, “DeSantis, if you’re listening.” He’s listening.

Democrats need more to win honestly than Republicans need to win by cheating. The turnout for 2020 needs to be as high as possible. It’s why Trump is fighting to stop mail-in voting, except in Florida, which has a long history of corruption.

While Donald Trump can’t find any evidence of voter fraud, we have plenty of evidence of Republican fraud.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

It Is What It Is


cjones08062020

I’ve heard people say, “It is what it is” my entire life. It seems to have gained a lot of traction over the past two decades. But basically, if you’re in a conversation looking for resolution or an answer or even that the person you’re talking with is concerned about the subject, the expression you do not want to hear is, “It is what it is.”

“Is what it is” is a person telling you they can’t do anything about it, they’re moving on, but they don’t want you to believe they’re throwing their hands in the air and giving up. According to the Urban Dictionary, it means “fuck it.”

And, if you’re hearing the president (sic) of the United States talk on a subject of great concern to the nation, like one that’s killed over 156,000 people, the last thing you want to hear coming out of his rancid, pursed, pucker-up, racist mouth is, “It is what it is.”

It means nothing can be done about it. Of course, Donald Trump can’t bring back the dead, though his supporters might argue he can while walking on water, but when he says, “It is what it is” about 156,000 people dead, he’s saying, “Fuck it. I don’t care. I can’t learn from it. Oh well…what’s for dinner?”

Carrying on the theme of the last blog, Donald Trump doesn’t give a flying fig fuck about you, or anyone, or anything, unless that one or thing is Donald Trump.

Do you know who says, “It is what it is”? People with herpes.

The Urban Dictionary also states it exhibits helplessness. Like we don’t already know Donald Trump is helpless, useless, clueless, and not worth a damn in helping with anything.

It means cry me a river, tough titties, deal with it or don’t, I don’t care, I can’t change it, I don’t know what to do, etc. A man who is 74-years old with a small penis says, “It is what it is.” If it hasn’t gotten bigger by now….It is what it is.

You hear the phrase “it is what it is” from people who were recently fired, kicked out of their band, sent to prison, just dumped out of their relationship, or just washed something red with all their whites. I’ve used it myself to describe my relationships with family members who support Donald Trump. When I say, “It is what it is” about them, it means it’s not going to change and there’s nothing I can or am willing to do about it. It means I’ve given up on them. They’re gone. It means, “Fuck them.”

When Donald Trump says, “It is what it is” about 156,000 dead Americans on his watch, he’s saying “fuck it.”

I say, “Fuck Donald Trump.”

And when Donald Trump is tossed out of the White House to prison, hey…It is what it is.

Note: I wanted to jam this one out quickly so I forgot to record it. So, there will not be an animation for this one. This will bring heartbreak and trauma to about three people.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Republican Rescue


cjones08052020

After Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico in 2017, Donald Trump went to the island, after discovering it was an island, and threw out paper towels. Then, he proceeded to lie about the death toll and trash the residents of the United States territory, after he found out it was a United States territory.

Today, a lot of people still don’t get the fact, despite three years of evidence, that Donald Trump doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything unless it’s Donald Trump.

Take Donald Trump’s latest interview with Axios. When asked if he was impressed by the late congressman and civil rights icon John Lewis, Trump couldn’t answer the question except to complain Lewis didn’t come to his inauguration or his State of the Union speeches. Again, for Donald Trump, it’s all about DonaldTrump.

While millions of Americans are still unemployed with the extra $600 a week unemployment benefit expiring and facing evictions, Congress went on a three-day weekend. Democrats have had a plan on the table for months. It passed the House while it’s languished in the Senate. Republicans don’t like it because it’s too nice and doesn’t help out enough billionaire assholes. Republicans are afraid it’ll make poor and middle-class people lazy and a bunch of grifters, you know…like the president (sic).

Initially, the Trump White House, with negotiations led by Treasury Secretary Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin, demanded cuts to testing and to the Center for Disease Control in a pandemic that’s killed over 150,000 Americans. But guess what the White House did demand to be inserted into the relief package?

Donald Trump has demanded at least $1.8 billion in the relief package to go for a new FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C. You might ask yourself, What the fuck does that have to do with the coronavirus? How does that help out anybody being hurt by this pandemic?

The answer is, it doesn’t. As Donald Trump said in that Axios interview about the death toll, “It is what it is.”

Before Trump came into office, there were plans to move the FBI headquarters out of the city. Maryland and Virginia both wanted the new HQ and that was the initial squabble. It’s a lot of money and jobs. Washington actually wants it to leave the city so they can use that prime downtown space for retail and make much more money from taxes than from another bloated government agency that Donald Trump has turned into his own personal goon squad.

Why does Donald Trump want the building to stay in the capital? The cynical person would bet it’s because Donald Trump has a financial stake in it. Shame on those cynics. Shame, for shame. The truth is…yeah. That prime retail space might go towards a hotel…one that would compete directly against the Trump Hotel which is nearby. Fortunately, it has been removed because it was even hard for Republican assholes to swallow.

Donald Trump also wants the government to receive a finders fee, gratuity, or tribute for the sale of the Chinese app, TikTok, if Microsoft buys it. I know deep down inside this story, there’s a payoff to Trump. Also, what happened to Republicans being against heavy regulations and higher payouts to the government? This is weird. What do Republicans really believe in anymore?

While running for president, Donald Trump promised a replacement for Obamacare. He said it was going to be “bigger, better, and cheaper.” We still haven’t seen it. He promised they wouldn’t try to repeal Obamacare until they had a replacement. They ended up trying, and failing, to repeal it before they had a replacement. Two weeks ago, he said the new plan would be unveiled in two weeks. That was over two weeks ago and still nothing. Instead, during this pandemic that’s killed over 150,000 Americans, Trump is still trying to kill Obamacare.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about you. Ask Herman Cain. Wait. You can’t. He’s dead from catching the Trump Virus at a Trump rally.

Trump and Republicans had four months at least to prepare for the unemployment and eviction protections to run out. Instead, they took vacations. Trump played a lot of golf. At this point, you’ll be lucky to get paper towels.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Herman Cain


cjones08022020

After finishing yesterday’s cartoon, I treated myself to a McDonald’s breakfast. As I was walking back into my apartment, I saw breaking news on CNN about Herman Cain. I was hoping the “breaking news” was that he was being released from the hospital after acquiring coronavirus. I am sad it wasn’t. I don’t wish bad health or death upon anyone, no matter their politics.

Yesterday afternoon, I saw a post from a conservative cartoonist complaining about the media “implying” Herman Cain caught the coronavirus at Donald Trump’s Tulsa rally. How dare that dastardly media for reporting the facts. That same conservative was upset President Obama “politicized” John Lewis’ death by talking about the issue John Lewis dedicated his life to, voting rights, but ignored that Donald Trump used Herman Cain’s death to hurl another racial slur about the “China” virus.

Perhaps if we had better contract tracing, we would have a better understanding of where Cain caught the virus, but as the facts stand, the Tulsa rally is a pretty good culprit. Cain was hospitalized less than two weeks after attending Trump’s campaign rally in Tulsa.

Local officials warned the Trump Campaign not to hold the indoor rally. While preparing for the rally in Tulsa, several members of the campaign and the Secret Service caught the virus. While the turnout was seriously disappointing for the campaign, as most people didn’t want a hate rally to kill them, it was still too large of an indoor gathering during the coronavirus pandemic.

Before the rally, Donald Trump played down wearing masks and social distancing. Neither was mandated at the rally in a state where the virus was surging. The campaign removed social distancing stickers from seats. They discouraged any safety measures being taken at the rally. Yet, they still required all attendees to sign a waiver absolving the Trump Campaign of any liability in the case of them catching the coronavirus. During this pandemic, Donald Trump said he took no responsibility for any of the government’s failures. And if you catch the virus while going out of your way to praise him, he won’t accept any responsibility for that either.

Herman Cain was excited to attend the rally. He tweeted that not wearing a mask to the rally was freedom. During the rally, he tweeted a photo of him with several “Black Voices for Trump” and “Having a fantastic time.” Nobody was wearing a mask in the photo. Shortly before entering the hospital, he tweeted about Donald Trump’s July 4th South Dakota rally and that people were “fed up” with having to wear face masks. He was cheering over face masks not being mandated at that particular rally. But which is a greater inconvenience, wearing a face mask or being dead? Well, we can’t ask him.

Even after he was hospitalized, Herman kept up with politicizing the virus. He touted hydroxychloroquine as a treatment. No word yet on whether it was used to treat him. He tweeted three days ago, “Thank God baseball didn’t panic like the media wanted” over the widespread coronavirus contamination of the Miami Marlins which is probably going to cancel the rest of the baseball season.

Donald Trump expressed his condolences to Herman Cain’s family and he blamed China without mentioning his Tulsa rally. But before tweeting anything about Cain, he illegally promoted a pizza place (not Godfather’s) on Long Island that has some controversy over flying a Trump flag. Trump said, “Great pizza” about the pizza he’s never had in his life. For all he knows, it’s on the same level as Sbarro.

When it comes to the virus, Republicans are slow learners. Even while having the virus, Herman Cain continued to politicize it. He politicized it all the way to his grave. Politicizing it is what put him in there. Are Republicans learning from this?

Congressman Louis Gohmert has spent months politicizing the virus and being an anti-mask wearer. After contracting the coronavirus, he informed his staff in person while…wait for it…not wearing a mask. So, no. Republicans are NOT learning from this. Later, Louis said he probably caught the virus from the facemasks he hardly ever wore. Now, bald-headed mask-hating Louis is going to fight the virus with…wait for it again…hydroxychloroquine. Gohmert is risking his life to cater to Donald Trump’s ego. Herman Cain lost his life kissing Donald Trump’s ass. Republicans are slow learners. You don’t want to die with your lips fully planted on Trump’s ass.

And the thing about Louis Gohmert being tested is that he wasn’t tested for his health. He was tested to protect Donald Trump as was required before boarding a plane with him.

Herman Cain’s death was tragic and it could have been prevented. The Tulsa rally could have been postponed, canceled, or never planned in the first place during a pandemic. Donald Trump was selfish for his cult’s worship during a pandemic. Unfortunately, his friend’s wellbeing, like that of the rest of this nation’s, was not important to Donald Trump.

If nothing else, we could be learning from Herman Cain’s death, or using it to at least educate Republicans. But with Trump still attending fundraisers maskless and people like Louis Gohmert continuing to cling to political conspiracy theories instead of science, Herman’s life was truly wasted.

For my conservative “pal” upset the media is “implying” Herman Cain caught the virus at Donald Trump’s Tulsa rally, sorry. All evidence points at the Tulsa rally. And instead of calling it the “China Virus,” call it the “Trump Virus” because the Trump Virus killed Herman Cain. It was wasted in the name of Trumpism. It was the cost of being in the Trump cult.

Donald Trump killed Herman Cain. His greed, selfishness, and sheer stupidity killed Him. Herman could have saved his own life by never joining the Trump cult. Donald Trump kills people. Donald Trump is a cancer. Donald Trump is poison.

But Herman isn’t the only one. So far, the Trump Virus has killed over 152,000 Americans. What’s our national plan for fighting it? We still don’t have one and Donald Trump now wants to risk your children’s lives for his own self-interest. At this point, it’s definitely the Trump Virus. Since Donald Trump doesn’t want to do anything to combat the virus and save Americans from it, the only cure is to vote him out of office.

During the 2016 campaign, Donald Trump asked black Americans, “What do you have to lose?”. Today, ask all Americans that question. Herman Cain has your answer.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Dr. Demon Sperm


cjones07312020

Yesterday, during his bogus coronavirus hearings that are actually replacements for his hater rallies, Donald Trump wondered out loud why Dr. Anthony Fauci is more popular than he is. For his answer, maybe he should consult with Dr. Demon Sperm.

Donald Trump pointed out they’re a part of the same team and administration, yet Fauci has better ratings. For starters, they’re a part of the same team but Donald Trump didn’t hire Dr. Fauci. Ronald Reagan did. And despite being part of the same team, Donald Trump has engaged and engineered a smear campaign against the good doctor. As to why their approvals are in different places, Fauci has been honest and direct with Americans. In contrast, Donald Trump ignored the virus, downplayed it, politicized it, and spread lies while it has killed nearly 150,000 Americans and ruined the economy. And finally, a great reason Donald Trump’s numbers are so low when it comes to handling the virus, he’s ignored the very accomplished doctor on his team and has relied on the junk science of conspiracy theorists and loons who are seriously fucked in the head. Yes, that’s a medical term for this blog, “seriously fucked in the head.”

After seeing Donald Trump’s choice for his personal physician, nobody anywhere ever ever ever should listen to him ramble incoherently about anything that has to do with health and medicine (or anything else for that matter). The man actually believes human bodies are like batteries, with energy that doesn’t replenish, and we waste it on exercise. And now, he’s telling Americans to follow the medical advice from Dr. Demon Sperm. What?

Donald Trump retweeted a video of Dr. Stella Immanuel, a Houston doctor from Nigeria who was part of the “White Coat Summit,” a gathering of a few doctors who call themselves America’s Frontline Doctors and dispute the medical consensus on the coronavirus. She and the other doctors gave testimonials on the steps of the Supreme Court in an event organized by the group Tea Party Patriots, funded by wealthy right-wing assholes.

A video of the event went viral as the doctor pushed the drug hydroxychloroquine and claimed people don’t need to wear face masks and that a cure for the coronavirus has been found.

“Nobody needs to get sick,” Immanuel said. “This virus has a cure.” Then she said, “Hello, you don’t need a mask. There is a cure.” Hello? Are you seriously fucked in the head? Yes. Yes, she is.

The video, captured by Breitbart, gained over 13 million views and was shared by Donald Trump and his idiot son number 1, Donald Trump Jr. Later, the video was removed from YouTube and Twitter for pushing junk science. A conservative political cartoonist I know shared the video while declaring them “real doctors,” only to discover it was removed and replaced with a tag saying, “False information.”

Despite being pushed by the Trumps, the conservative student group of idiots, Turning Point, and those pro-Trump medical luminaries (that’s sarcasm) Diamond & Silk, hydroxychloroquine doesn’t help fight the coronavirus. Studies have failed to find proof the drug has any benefit in treating the virus and the Food and Drug Administration revoked its emergency authorization to use it to treat it, saying it hadn’t demonstrated any effect on patients’ mortality prospects.

But, hydroxychloroquine isn’t the craziest shit the Houston doctor is pushing. From her medical office in a strip mall, she’s selling the belief scientists have created a vaccine that prevents people from being religious, the government is run by lizard people, and women have gynecological problems after dreaming they had sex with demons and witches.

She also claims she’s cured over 300 people of the coronavirus without providing any proof…and wait…let’s go back to this demon booty stuff.

Dr. Immanuel has posted videos on YouTube of her sermons where she claims medical issues like endometriosis, cysts, infertility, and impotence are caused by sex with “spirit husbands” and “spirit wives” by having sex with them in your dreams.

She says the sex demons are, “responsible for serious gynecological problems. We call them all kinds of names, endometriosis, we call them molar pregnancies, we call them fibroids, we call them cysts, but most of them are evil deposits from the spirit husband. They are responsible for miscarriages, impotence, men that can’t get it up.” Damn demons.

Now that she’s found the source of impotence, congressional Republicans will push to fund a study on how to purge our nation of these buzz-killing sex demons.

The doctor also claims ailments other than those in the hoo-ha stem from “demonic sperm,” such as financial ruin. It may also lead to one having her license to practice medicine taken away. Demonic sperm is like sand. It gets everywhere.

When asked yesterday about the doctor and her “medical” theories, Donald Trump said she was very “impressive” and “spectacular.” And then that “maybe” the doctor pushing those theories was her or it wasn’t. Then he ran from the room as the next question was being asked.

Donald, it was she. There’s no maybe about it. The real scientific phenomenon here is that we can’t convince 60 million people not to vote for the guy endorsing Dr. Demon Sperm.

The videos were removed from most social media, and Twitter even temporarily suspended Donald Trump Jr’s account. Removing the videos pissed Dr. Stella Immanuel off.

She tweeted yesterday, “Hello Facebook put back my profile page and videos up or your computers with start crashing till you do. You are not bigger that God. I promise you. If my page is not back up face book will be down in Jesus name.”

The last I checked, Jesus has not shut down Facebook. neither have the witches, lizard people, or the demon sperm.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trumpian Respect


cjones07302020

When asked if he would visit the United States Capitol to pay his respects to John Lewis, Donald Trump said no. But, an invite to visit Mr. Lewis’ body lying in state in the Capitol rotunda is probably like that invite from the Yankees. It didn’t happen.

Instead of visiting the Capitol and paying his respects to the late congressman and civil rights leader, who had his skull cracked while protesting on the Edmund Pettus Bridge on Bloody Sunday, 1965, Donald Trump chose to stage a photo-op in North Carolina where he continued his lies about the coronavirus pandemic.

The thing is, kids, it’s hard to pay your respects when you don’t have any. Donald Trump doesn’t respect anything. He doesn’t respect the people who work for him. He doesn’t respect the office of the presidency. He doesn’t respect the racist idiots who support him. While his cult respects him, it’s OK if he doesn’t return it because they don’t respect themselves. Anyone with any self-respect, pride, dignity, ethics, morals, principles, or standards, would NEVER support the likes of a racist troglodyte moronic conman.

With over 148,000 deaths from the coronavirus, Donald Trump’s lack of respect for the life of American citizens has made it the Trump Virus. The other thing Donald Trump doesn’t respect is the Constitution of the United States of America.

Donald Trump doesn’t respect the military or those who serve in it. If he did, he would have confronted Vladimir Putin during a recent phone call about the report he put bounties on the lives of U.S. military members in Afghanistan. At the very least, he should have said something about it by now.

Donald Trump doesn’t respect America. He doesn’t respect the civil rights movement. He doesn’t respect John Lewis or what he stood for.

John Lewis was attacked by riot police in 1965. The government sicced the police goons on him and others fighting for civil rights. People who fight for civil rights fight for America. Today, Donald Trump, the President (sic) of the United States is sending unidentified armed goons to start riots and beat up protesters in America’s cities. It’s a disrespect to our citizens, civil rights, and the Constitution. It’s a huge dis to America.

The people protesting for black lives and racial justice today are the equivalent of the Freedom Riders of 1961. Donald Trump is the racist equivalent of Bull Connor, George Wallace, and Ross Barnett (who still has a lake named after him in Mississippi).

John Lewis is gone, but what he fought and stood for isn’t. As we fight for racial justice today, we need to keep alive the spirit of John Lewis, who never stopped fighting.

We all need to be more like John Lewis if we are to defeat those who aspire to be more like Donald Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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MAGA Busy


cjones07292020

Honestly, it’s not important whether a president throws out an opening pitch or not in Major League Baseball. It’s especially unimportant when that president (sic) is Donald Trump because there wouldn’t be anything meaningful about it other than his own ego boost.

The only thing significant about Donald Trump not throwing out an opening pitch is that he’s the first president (sic) not to do so since President Howard Taft started the tradition in 1910. Not only has every president since thrown out a first pitch, every one of them has done it on opening day except Jimmy Carter.

In what is hopefully his last year in office and last baseball season for him to do so, Donald Trump accepted an invitation to throw out the opening pitch in New York for the Yankees on August 15th. The reason Donald Trump probably accepted now is that there aren’t any fans in attendance because of the Trump Virus. He would be safe from being greeted by a chorus of boos in The Bronx. Donald Trump has probably set another record for being the most despised president (sic) in his  own hometown. New Yorkers do not like Donald Trump. Donald Trump says he could shoot a guy on 5th Avenue and not lose any supporters, which is ironic because he has very few supporters working and living on 5th Avenue.

Even though Donald Trump was guaranteed not to be booed by Yankee fans, I would have volunteered to draw frowny faces on each of the cardboard cutouts MLB has placed in the stands behind home plate.

Now, Donald Trump has backed out of throwing the opening pitch on August 15th. He says he’ll do it at a later date in the season, but who are we kidding? Just like one of those big announcements he promises, like on his new healthcare plan, or that time he promised to release his taxes, it’ll never happen.

Dr. Anthony Fauci threw out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals on opening day. It was a horrible pitch, wide left, and probably closer to first base than to home plate. But, the guy is a 79-year-old doctor, not a pitcher. Sure, laugh if you want to, but we can forgive him. But seeing Fauci throw a stinker probably made Donald Trump think twice. If Fauci, the most popular man in the country, is going to be ridiculed over a bad pitch, what will the nation do to the most hated man in the country? We would have a field day.

Let’s face facts. Donald Trump is out of shape. He’s 74 years old and obese. The guy can’t walk stairs. It may not even be the pitch he’s afraid of the world seeing, but the walk to the mound. He’s fat, but even Howard Taft threw out an opening pitch (to be fair, the opening pitch was always thrown from the stands and the tradition of throwing from the mound didn’t start until Ronald Reagan did it).

Of course, another thing he may be afraid of is every Yankee player taking a knee during the national anthem. Donald Trump tweeted last week, “Any time I witness a player kneeling during the National Anthem, a sign of great disrespect for our Country and our Flag, the game is over for me!” Every member of the Yankees, along with every member of the Nationals, took a knee during the anthem on opening day. The Bronx Bombers may make it a point to do so on Trump day, even if management orders them not to.

Of course, Donald Trump used an excuse to get out of throwing an opening pitch. His excuse? He’s too busy dealing with the coronavirus he’s ignored over the past six months, the economy he’s destroyed, and “much else.”

He sent a tweet Sunday about how busy he is. He’s so busy. I’m really hoping he can take a break every now and then because I’m concerned for his health (this is all sarcasm). He tweeted, “Because of my strong focus on the China Virus, including scheduled meetings on Vaccines, our economy and much else, I won’t be able to be in New York to throw out the opening pitch for the @Yankees on August 15th. We will make it later in the season!” When he said, “Much else,” he was referring to being a racist. Even that tweet was racist. 

But, just how busy is Donald Trump? He sent that tweet about his heavy workload on Sunday. Saturday, he was golfing with dick-pic aficionado Brett Favre who is also known for being a retired quarterback (that pic thing was a big deal for a minute). To cut Trump some slack, maybe he deserves a golf outing on Saturday because he hadn’t had one in five days. He was also golfing Sunday when he sent that tweet about how busy he was. He probably sent it from the golf course.

For the record, Donald Trump has had 266 golf outings according to the Presidential Golf Tracker (not an actual government source). According to Trump Golf Count, his outings at his own courses have cost taxpayers over $138 million. Donald Trump only golfs at his courses. That way, he gets to charge us for rooms and services at his resorts. We literally pay Donald Trump to golf. Say what you will about Obama’s golf outings, which were mostly on military courses, but we didn’t pay him for it.

If Donald Trump was really busy, he wouldn’t have time for golf. He wouldn’t have time for toilet tweeting. He wouldn’t start his workday at 1:00 P.M. as he usually starts each day with “executive time,” which is actually TV time. If Donald Trump was busy, he wouldn’t’ have time to call in to Fox & Friends to spread lies and scream about “much else.” If he was so busy, he wouldn’t have had time for all those ridiculous hate rallies he was having every week of his presidency until the pandemic shut them down. I watched a documentary on sloths last week and they have a heavier schedule than Donald Trump, plus they’re less racist.

Donald Trump is so not busy, he’s the only president who hasn’t shown any signs of aging while in office. It’s not because he has better DNA (HA!) or he doesn’t stress the workload. It’s because he’s not doing the job. The only thing Donald Trump stresses is not getting enough attention, credit, and losing in November which may send him to prison. Another reason he doesn’t show any signs of aging is that he spends two hours a day applying six cans of hairspray to his head and adding six pounds of makeup to his crater-pocked face. Also, he looked like crap on day one anyway. He just happens to look like the same piece of crap. Some would say it’s an art form.

With Donald Trump’s refusal to throw out an opening pitch, we’re going to miss his bragging about how awesome it was after he threw it into the dirt. We’re going to miss his cult praising the pitch and the human form he exhibited on the pitching mound. We’re going to miss watching him walked down the mound like it’s baby’s first steps on a wet ramp at the military academy. We may even be missing watching him pull a hammy. Damn.

We might be missing the sexiest political pitch since Chris Christie.

We don’t need Donald Trump to throw out an opening pitch. The only important aspect of this is the level of Trump bullshit. What I’ll be taking note of on August 15th is what Donald Trump actually does that day. It’ll probably be another day of over 100 tweets as it’ll be even closer to election day. Donald Trump will not be in a good mood between now and then.

The only pitches we’ll see from Donald Trump between now and election day will be racist comments. Donald Trump could have been the most racist guy to appear in Major League Baseball since Ty Cobb.

Update: Since I wrote this blog I was not surprised to learn the Yankees never even invited Trump. He just made it up.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trump’s Disappearing Act


CNN07262020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Anti-Social Gatherings


cjones07252020

Just like we’re supposed to forget Donald Trump was anti-mask and anti-social distancing, we’re supposed to forget about Tulsa.

Yesterday, Donald Trump resumed his coronavirus briefings. Thankfully, it was pretty brief. Thankfully, he didn’t make another pitch to drink bleach. To make the presentation, there weren’t any scientists or anyone informed on the coronavirus…or anything. It was just Trump.

First, let’s get one thing straight. These are NOT coronavirus briefings. They are NOT designed to inform the public or in the interest of health and safety. They are NOT intended to help or serve anyone except Donald Trump. These are infomercials for Trump 2020. If you disagree, then please tell me one thing we learned from the briefing yesterday other than Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein’s former teenage girl wrangler who’s now in federal custody, must have some serious shit on Donald Trump.

Donald Trump said he wishes Maxwell well, which is a wink, nod, and a nudge to her that if she doesn’t say anything about Donald Trump, then he’ll commute or pardon her after the November election along with all those other pardons for Trump goons he’s planning. Don’t believe me? Ask Roger Stone. Normally, proof of this would be that presidents (sic) of the United States of America do not ever ever ever ever say nice things about pedophiles…except this president (sic) because this is at least the second pedophile he’s said things about. Ask Roy Moore. You can find him at the mall food court.

Of course, that Maxwell pedophile stuff doesn’t have anything to do with the coronavirus so we didn’t really learn anything. We already knew Trump is a liar and full of shit.

The day before, Donald Trump tweeted a photo of himself in a mask with a statement “Many people say wearing face masks is patriotic.” What? This guy has spent months downplaying and mocking people for wearing face masks. Now, he’s all about the face masks? Yes except for a fundraiser that very same night where he did not wear a mask, Trump is now pro-mask. So, forget those months of him not being in favor of masks. Also, he’s too pathetic to say HE finds it patriotic, relying on the “many people” crap.

Also, forget all those months of him not caring about social distancing and avoiding large gatherings. You know, large gatherings like Trump rallies.

Forget about Tulsa and Trump wishes you would. Forget during this pandemic where Trump now says to avoid large gatherings, that Donald Trump held a hate party with a large gathering. Forget it was indoors and about 6,000 smooshed together to worship at Donald Trump’s feet. Forget none of them wore masks. Forget that the Trump campaign removed stickers from seats that were advising social distancing. Forget that members of the Trump Campaign, members of the Secret Service, and Herman Cain all left Tusla with Covid 19. Forget the rally was also a flop as there were supposed to be a hundred thousand trying to jam inside to the point the campaign set up a stage outside the venue for the oversized crowd. Also, forget the coronavirus spiked in Tulsa two weeks after the rally.

While you’re at it, forget Donald Trump held another rally inside a church in Arizona (where the virus is now spiking) and on the Fourth of July at the foot of Mount Rushmore in South Dakota (where three out of the four presidents have now tested positive). Forget Donald Trump attempted another rally in New Hampshire which was canceled because nobody was going to be there. Ever see a racist Oompa Loompa talk to himself in a very large empty room? We almost saw that in New Hampshire.

Even while stating his newfound position on face masks, social distancing, and avoiding large racist crowds, Donald Trump couldn’t send that message from the heart. He had to read it off an index card. And the reason for this new position? Donald Trump’s polls are in the toilet. If this keeps up, we may look at a historic electoral wipeout of a sitting president (sic). But then again, it’s early and we’re all familiar with the Democratic Party’s ability to blow an election they should easily win.

But the Trump White House wants Donald Trump to start appearing as an adult and to at least pretend he cares about the pandemic. Why, they even want to create a plan to fight the virus and not too soon either, as over 142,000 people are now dead. Of course, that plan doesn’t include funding for widespread testing and tracing but it does include another tax cut for rich assholes. It also includes throwing your children into contaminated cesspools they can swim in before returning home for quality time with grandma.

We also learned yesterday that it’s now OK to refer to the coronavirus as the Trump Virus. We learned that from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi who probably learned it from me. And where is the best place to avoid catching the Trump Virus?

Go to a Trump rally. No one else will be there.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.