Trump Virus

Paul’s Peckers


cjones03212021

Normally, when Rand Paul gets his ass kicked, it’s in a political debate. In 2017, he literally got his ass kicked by one of his neighbors in his gated community in Kentucky.

Reportedly, the scuffle was over yard work and Paul claimed he was ambushed from behind right after he got off his riding lawnmower. His attacker was five-foot-six and weighed about 140 pounds (which would be like getting attacked by a 13-year-old boy), and left Rand Paul with six broken ribs.

Tim Pritts, a doctor at the University of Cincinnati Medical School (who didn’t treat Paul) said six broken ribs is “more consistent with a car accident, or a fall down a flight of stairs, or even from the top of a building.” He said, “I’ve seen a few from people getting kicked by horses.” Rand Paul did not get kicked by a horse, or a cow, or a gopher, and thank god for that because a kick from any one of those might have killed him.

What is it with the tough guy Republicans? You got one in Texas who kisses the ass of a man who calls his wife ugly and accuses his father of murder and then you got another in Kentucky getting his ass kicked by guys no larger than….hmmmm. No larger than someone like Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Now, I’m not suggesting Dr. Anthony Fauci leap from his table and physically assault Rand Paul the next time he accuses the medical expert of “theater” or attempts to bully and shout him down…I’m just saying I think 80-year-old Dr. Fauci can take him.

Yesterday’s exchange between Paul and Fauci wasn’t the first. And for Fauci’s sake, I hope it’s the last. Dr. Fauci is the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the chief medical advisor to the president and it’s beneath him to have to argue science with the likes of Rand Paul, who is a self-certified eye doctor.

Yes, Rand Paul created a commission that certifies eye doctors, stacked it with members of his own family who then certified him…and his certification still expired. Apparently, it’s easier to become a doctor in Kentucky than on an island in the Caribbean.

I tweeted yesterday, “If I need information on the coronavirus and I can go to either Dr. Anthony Fauci, an expert on disease and viruses or Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor, I’m going to Dr. Fauci, the expert on viruses. Duh! Now, if I need to talk to an expert about my eyes….oh, fuck it. I’m still going to Dr. Fauci.”

I would not see Rand Paul for an ingrown toenail. I wouldn’t ask the guy how to get rid of dandruff…and looking at his hair, why would I? Maybe ask him how to get rid of birds nesting in it. But no, I wouldn’t consult Rand Paul on anything medical. And that’s why it’s such a laugh and absurd when he takes on Dr. Fauci on the subject of science.

Who is Rand Paul going to lecture next? Maybe he’ll school Steven Spielberg on how to direct movies. Maybe he’ll give Denzel Washington acting lessons. Perhaps he would have instructed Julia Child on how to make a soufflé. Or, he can advise Donald Trump on how pay hush money after raw-dogging porn stars. It would be like any time someone on Fox News talks about journalism.

Rand Paul believes his neighbor kicked his ass over politics. His other neighbors believe it’s more of an issue of Rand Paul being an asshole and not being aware of it. Watching the hearings from yesterday, or any other time Rand Paul has ever opened his mouth, you get the impression it’s the asshole thing. And maybe he is aware of it because Rand Paul is the kind of asshole to know he’s an asshole and yet continue to be an asshole. Rand Paul owns the only ass in Washington Lindsey Graham won’t kiss.

Rand Paul caught the coronavirus and while waiting for the test results, continued to roam about the Capitol, visiting the gym (gotta build the muscles in case there’s another dwarf attack), and swam in the pool. He didn’t consider those around him…which is typical selfish behavior for a Republican. Since he caught the virus, which shockingly did not kill him, he has believed he is immune. Maybe it’s like that medical certification and he believes after getting it once, he’ll never need it again. Now, Paul has refused to EVER wear a mask or to get vaccinated. Even Donald Trump, who caught the virus and received the world’s best medical treatment, got vaccinated. It was a secret for at least two months, but he still did it.

Rand Paul went after Fauci yesterday and said, “You’re telling everyone to wear a mask. If we’re not spreading the infection, isn’t it just theater? You have the vaccine and you’re wearing two masks, isn’t that theater?”

Dr. Fauci replied, “Here we go again with the theater. Let’s get down to the facts.” And Dr. Fauci laid out the facts.

Dr. Fauci told Paul, “I agree with you, that you very likely would have protection from wild type for at least six months if you’re infected,” but pointed out there is no protection from some of the more infectious variants, like the one one first found in South Africa. The variants are a “good reason for a mask,” he said.

But, Rand Paul is an asshole. He said, “You’re making policy based on conjecture!” Paul interrupted Fauci and accused him of wanting people to wear masks “for another couple of years” and said, “You’ve been vaccinated and you parade around in two masks for show. If you already have immunity, you’re wearing a mask to give comfort to others. You’re not wearing a mask because of any science.”

Right there is the biggest sign of what a jerk Rand Paul is. He used the word “parading” to describe Fauci being safe. No, Rand. “Parading” is not what you do by being considerate of others and wearing a mask…or even two masks. “Parading” is what Nazis and Klansmen do to celebrate Republican victories.

Dr. Fauci is correct. The Center for Disease Control’s guidelines state those who have been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 should still wear a mask in public. But, hey…I’m sure this self-certified eye doctor who lost his certification knows more about the coronavirus than the CDC or the nation’s top infectious diseases expert.

I admire Dr. Fauci. I admire his honesty, candor, and professionalism. I also admire him for not leaping over the table and beating Rand Paul to death with his own nameplate. Rand Paul got his ass beat over the way he cut his grass. How in the hell did he not get pummeled while lecturing the nation’s top infectious diseases expert on infectious diseases?

And if a pair of love birds ever did nest in that unruly mess on top of Rand Paul’s head, you know at some point they’d peck his eyes out.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Singing In The Covid Rain


cjones01262021

Science and facts took a back seat during the Trump era. Who am I kidding? Back seat? Facts weren’t even along for the ride. Sean Spicer’s very first press conference was about the crowd size for Trump’s inauguration and how it was the “biggest attended and viewed in history.” And yeah, it was all fun and chuckles for a while, but when lives were on the line, it stopped being funny and became infuriating.

Donald Trump lied about the coronavirus…repeatedly. He didn’t just lie or make inaccurate comments. From the recordings between Trump and Bob Woodward, Donald knew he was lying.

It was a year ago that the first case of the coronavirus was detected in this country. When we had 15 cases, Donald Trump said it would soon be down to zero. A year later, we have 24,633,015 cases of the virus and 410,378 deaths.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s leading infectious disease expert , said the “lack of candor or facts” contributed to the number of lives lost during the coronavirus pandemic over the past year.

Just as Donald Trump instigated a white nationalist terrorist attack against our government, he instigated a war on facts and science. He was the ringmaster of lies and the politicization of this disease. Because of Donald Trump, Republicans downplayed the virus and resisted the wearing of face masks and practicing social distancing. For all we know, these idiots stopped washing after going to the rest room. To them, pee fingers may be freedom and liberties.

Dr. Fauci is now liberated. For the past year, he was been held back from delivering briefings on the coronavirus, which have now resumed under the Biden administration.

Speaking to John Berman on CNN this morning, Fauci said he didn’t want it to be a “sound bite,” but said, “I think if you just look at that you can see that when you’re starting to go down paths that are not based on any science at all. That is not helpful at all, and particularly when you’re in a situation of almost being in a crisis with the number of cases and hospitalizations and deaths that we have.”

He continued, “When you start talking about things that make no sense medically and no sense scientifically, that clearly is not helpful.”

You mean things that don’t make sense medically or scientifically like Hydroxychloroquine being a cure…or, oh, I don’t know…injecting sunlight and bleach into the body? Shit like that?

Or maybe shit that didn’t make sense scientifically like holding massive hate rallies and crowded White House events. Trump politicized that and watched it kill his friend, Herman Cain. He politicized the events and watched himself, along with dozens of others in the White House, catch the virus. Do you know who didn’t catch the virus? Dr. Anthony Fauci.

As Dr. Fauci points out, “There’s no secret. We’ve had a lot of divisiveness, we’ve had facts that were very, very clear, that were questioned. People were not trusting what health officials were saying, there was great divisiveness, masks became a political issue.”

The Donald Trump administration killed people.

It went beyond being divisive in the Trump administration. His MAGAts are still attacking Dr. Fauci and portraying him as an evil science overlord shutting down the country while laughing like a maniac. Because of Trump’s attacks assisted from the goons at Fox News over something that never should have been partisan, Dr. Fauci and his family had to get protection. How dare he try to save lies.

In reference to President Biden, not the guy who used to occupy the Oval Office, Dr. Fauci said, “So, what the president was saying, right from the get-go was, let’s reset this. Let everybody get on the same page, trust each other, let the science speak.”

Dr. Fauci said it was “liberating” to work in the Biden administration. He’s free to speak his mind and disagree with the administration. In fact, he already has.

Yesterday, the administration said that the Trump administration left no vaccine distribution plan. One source said, “There is nothing for us to rework. We are going to have to build everything from scratch.” Fauci disagreed.

The doctor said, “We certainly are not starting from scratch. You can’t say it was absolutely not usable at all.” That’s not a huge endorsement about what Trump left behind. Maybe it’s like an empty peanut butter jar except you can still lick off what’s left under the lid. See? Not entirely unusable. But he did disagree with the administration sources, though not directly with President Joe Biden, who said the Trump administration’s distribution of coronavirus vaccines has been a “dismal failure.” The entire Trump presidency (SIC!) was a dismal failure.

But hey, it’s good to have facts back. It’s good not to be bullshitted over every matter large and small. This is the beginning of repairing the damage from the Trump administration which starts with being honest. Now, good luck convincing the 70 million who believe in deep state Satanic-worshipping pedophiliac lizard people to put on a mask.

Creative note: I’m so out of the habit of drawing cartoons that aren’t about a petty racist orange imbecile, that I didn’t realize this was a positive cartoon until a reader told me so. Maybe that’s why I felt funny about it the entire time I was creating it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Hoaxes and Lollies


cjones01042021

We’ve learned a lot about about the coronavirus over the past year. We’re still learning about it and information changes. We’ve learned that wearing face masks and practicing social distancing is effective in preventing the spread of the virus. We’ve learned that holding MAGA rallies is dangerous beyond spreading racism throughout the nation. And we have learned that downplaying and denying that the virus is dangerous doesn’t make you immune from it.

Herman Cain downplayed the virus and went to a Trump rally, didn’t wear a face mask and didn’t practice social distancing. He’s dead. Luke Letlow was just elected to represent the Louisiana district that includes the place I grew up in. He held many rallies where masks weren’t required. He didn’t advocate precaution. Despite being only 41, Lutlow died from the virus last week.

Knowing that downplaying the virus doesn’t protect you from it, several Republicans have rushed to be first in line to receive the vaccination.

Senators Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and even Rand Paul (who claimed he is immune after catching the virus) have all received vaccines even though each of them downplayed it. Rubio attacked the media for its virus coverage. Ernst claimed hospitals were making up the number of deaths from covid because they get reimbursed for covid deaths (that’s not true). Graham refused to take a test for the virus before a debate despite gooning around with people who were infected.

Some argue it’s good that these deniers and fucknuts who have spent the past four years making this nation a much more dangerous place to live because of their enabling of Donald Trump, should get the virus now. Why? Because it shows the MAGAt and Qanon base that the virus is safe and it doesn’t contain microchips to track their locations. Also, the senators have been tweeting photos of them receiving the virus and we can tell from the pics that the health professionals are not lizard people.

Others say that no matter how they politicized the virus, which led to people dying, these senators should receive the vaccine because they’re VIPs, very important people.

Mike Pence is the leader of the Coronavirus Task Force which did an all-around shitty job of fighting the pandemic. Pence stood by Donald Trump’s side while he lied about the virus and attacked and mocked the people who were fighting it. Mike Pence went on camera to show the world he was getting the vaccine.

And it’s important that the Vice-President (sic) receive the vaccine despite being a part of an administration that watched over 347,000 Americans die. It’s important that he receive the vaccine because Mike Pence is not replaceable. We would not be able to find a bigger ass-kissing toadie troglodyte to stand behind Donald Trump with a fawning look of either adoration or a much-anticipated bowel movement finally happening than we have in Mike Pence.

So, it’s very important that the irreplaceable Mike Pence receive the vaccine a month before we replace him.

As for those senators…we can replace every single one of them. Proof of that is, a few of them are being replaced. We just had an election and we threw out Republicans in Arizona, Nevada, and Colorado. They are being replaced. We’re even replacing a really great senator in Alabama with an idiot who thinks the three branches of government are the House, Senate, and presidency, that the Constitution prevents one party from holding all three, it’s OK to fundraise in federal office buildings (Donald Trump does), that Al Gore was president for 30 days before the Supreme Court (which is NOT one of the three branches) took it away from him, and in World War II, we were fighting socialism. Good job, Alabama in electing a guy with a bachelors degree in physical education.

As for the virus deniers receiving the vaccine to lead by example…nobody follow their examples. It will not convince the conspiracy people to get vaccinated.

Donald Trump spent months challenging the virus. He held rallies and attended super-spreader events. He mocked face masks. He attacked doctors and scientists. We all thought there was no way he would catch the virus because karma had been hitting the snooze button for the past four years. But then, despite holding super-spreader event after super-spreader event and hanging out with infected people repeatedly, Donald Trump shocked the world by catching the virus. In fact, dozens of people attending an event at the White House caught the virus. How did this happen? They said the virus was a hoax. They said it was safe to go without face masks. It was safe to hold huge parties with assholes and racists. They said it was safe to breathe in the same air as Rudy Giuliani despite covid and farts.

Donald Trump was rushed to the hospital in Marine One. He was so panicked, that even he wore a face mask while weebling to the helicopter. A team of medical professionals attended to Trump around the clock and gave him experimental medication which included steroids. And then, Donald Trump went back to holding and attending super-spreader events and mocking and attacking doctors, scientists, and anyone else who was taking the pandemic seriously.

After seeing their hero catch the virus and nearly die, did his base start to take the pandemic seriously? Of course not. They’re still in denial and screaming that wearing a face masks is an assault on their freedom and liberty.

So, let’s stop giving the vaccine to the deniers. Or at least stop giving it to them before the rest of us. Marco Rubio is 49. He can wait. He can wait with the rest of us for when it’s available at our local CVS pharmacy. Because even if something tragic and horrible happened like Marco Rubio catching the coronavirus, and as awful as that would be…we can replace him. He represents Florida. Certainly, there’s at least one more insane moron from the Florida available. I’d start in Jacksonville.

We can replace him just like we’re replacing Donald Trump and Mike Pence. Catching the virus can kill you. Replacing stupid Republicans will not.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (12 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Update on book: They’re here but…I forgot to order envelopes. Shit. Envelopes are on the way. I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have assumed I had enough on hand. I swear that about 30 book envelopes disappeared out of my apartment.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Needles And Trust


cjones12192020

When it’s my turn to take the vaccine for the coronavirus, I’m taking it. Granted, I probably won’t be able to until next summer when it’s available at CVS for the general public with an appointment, but I’m still taking it. Even though I had the coronavirus and antibodies may stay with me for a while, there’s no guarantee I can’t catch it again. I’m not invincible like some who had it believe, like Rand Paul and Donald Trump. Plus, scientists say you should get it even if you had the virus.

Polls show 71% of Americans are willing to take the vaccine. Black Americans willing to take it currently stands at 62% which is an increase from three months ago when it was at 50%. Politically, 86% of Democrats are willing to take the vaccine and Republicans…only 56% of them are willing to take the vaccine. Why?

Why do Republicans (white people) mistrust the vaccine more than black Americans? Why do some black Americans mistrust the vaccine at all? Black Americans have a good reason. White Republicans (I know. Redundant), do not.

From 1932 to 1973, the U.S. government, along with Tuskegee University, conducted a study of the effects of syphilis in black men. They told the men they were receiving free health care. That was a lie. The government was studying the effect of syphilis being untreated in black men with some of them only receiving a free lunch. Oh, look. All your shit just fell off. Here, have a sandwich.

The men were not told about the study. The government finally came clean only after being caught by the free press (which is why we want a free press), and during the 90s, President Bill Clinton formally apologized on behalf of the United States.

So today, when the government shows up with a vaccine and a needle saying, “Trust us,” you can’t blame black people for being a little wary. I guarantee you the black Americans willing to take the virus have done their research on it and aren’t just taking it nilly-willy, because there have been times in our history that after trusting the government to handle their health, willies fell off.

So, why do white conservatives fear the virus? Is it because of 400 years of being enslaved by the government? No. Is it after centuries of racism and being treated as second and third-class citizens? No. Was it because for decades, their right to vote was disenfranchised? No. Is it because racism against whites is still applied today in hiring, education, housing, economics, entertainment, and basically every fucking thing in this nation? No. None of that shit ever happened to whites, yet if you listen to a white conservative, they’re the most persecuted and victimized people in history. But, they often have to invent the persecution. For example, their lies and conspiracy theories being removed from a social media platform is persecution.

When it comes to the Tuskegee study on black men, I guarantee you that most white conservatives aren’t familiar with it. Why? Because it wasn’t a study on white men. White people, as a group, don’t care about stuff unless it happens to white people.

Are you familiar with the presidential daily briefings and the only way Trump can pay attention is if his name and photos of him are included? Yeah, white people are like that. Santa Claus is white. Barbie is white. Until recently…and still happening here and there, every movie based in the Middle East, Africa, or Asia had a white cast. It was only a few years ago that Emma Stone played an Asian. She’s a great actress and I love her, but she’s not Asian and doesn’t even look a tiny bit Asian, no matter how hard you squint. Why do they do that? Partly because of racism but mostly because white people won’t watch a movie without white people…and mostly about racism. Even white churches have white Jesus. Pay attention! Look, we have a white Jesus!!!

When Black Panther came out, black Americans finally had a superhero in a major universal movie that looked like them. Most critics and Marvel fans put it within the top three of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) movies. White conservatives say it’s worse than the Hulk movies, which is a white guy turning into a green guy.

So what from the past makes white conservatives so distrustful of the vaccine? I heard some say we can’t trust it because it was developed so fast, which is contradictory to them giving Donald Trump all the credit for it being developed so fast. Some are skeptical because the flu vaccine, which we’ve been taking in one form or another since the 1940s while the government was also forcing black men to live with syphilis, is only about 50% effective while the coronavirus vaccine has a 94% efficacy rate in testing. We talked about the difference between “effective” and “efficacy” earlier in the week. I even saw a post this morning saying we can’t trust Pfizer because they can’t count the number of doses accurately in a vial.

But, the biggest reason white conservatives don’t trust the vaccine is because they’re fucking nuts. They’re all paranoid schizophrenics who would rather believe in conspiracy theories than facts. Currently, 82% of Trump voters think the election was a scam, rigged, a total sham and Donald Trump was robbed and he’ll remain president after the inauguration on January 20. That’s 82% of an entire major political party believing a lying president (sic) without any evidence to support his lies…despite the information being readily available.

But white people are always persecuted…even if they have to make it up. Take the War on Christmas. Fun fact: There has NEVER been a war on Christmas. White people scream and moan if Starbucks doesn’t put Jesus on a coffee cup. Starbucks should put black Jesus on a cup and see what happens.

On an episode of Black Jeopardy, a popular sketch on Saturday Night Live where black contestants compete, Tom Hanks plays Doug, a Trump-supporting contestant. The sketch points out how remarkable it is that white conservatives and back people share a distrust of the government and corporate America while also sharing a love for Tyler Perry movies. In the category, “They Out Here Saying,” the answer was, “They out here saying, ‘The new iPhone wants your thumbprint ‘for your protection.'” Doug answers correctly with the question, “What is, ‘I don’t think so. That’s how they get ya.'” He follows up with, “I read that goes straight to the government.”

He later gives the correct question, “C’mon, they already decided who wins before it happens” to the answer, “They out here saying, ‘every vote counts.'” But for black Americans, their votes historically didn’t count because they weren’t allowed to vote. Republicans are still disenfranchising their votes. White conservatives they believe their vote didn’t count because they’re sore losers. Fortunately for Doug, the skit ended right as they got to the category, “Lives That Matter.”

Many of the white people who distrust the vaccine are the same people who believe the government is operated by a deep state of Satan-worshipping reptilian cannibalistic pedophiles. They believe that’s the swamp Donald Trump is draining despite hiring his own family members to run the government. They also keep adding new additions to the swamp, like Christopher Krebs, William Barr, and three Supreme Court justices, people Donald Trump hired.

A black person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because of the government’s past. A white person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because it’ll give you autism, cancer, make you sterile, and implant a chip inside you that’s a tracking device. Seriously.

Mike Pence is going to publicly take the vaccine. Donald Trump, without publicly subscribing to the conspiracy theories, is not going to publicly take the vaccine…and they’re saying he won’t take it at all.

Here’s my distrust of the government: Donald Trump will take the vaccine, but he won’t let you know because he doesn’t want to upset his base of fucknuts. Donald Trump needs his base to remain crazy and believing in conspiracy theories. If they can keep believing the vaccine will plant a tracking device inside you and that baby-eating lizard people are running the government, then they’ll believe any crazy shit Donald Trump tells them. And when it comes to white people being victimized, Donald Trump is the most victimized and unfairly treated person in the universe. Never mind the fact he’s a billionaire who lived in a golden penthouse. White conservatives are the biggest believers in crazy shit…then acting on their crazy beliefs.

Who shot a rifle at a pizza parlor believing Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring in the basement? A white guy. Who shot up an abortion clinic in Colorado Springs, killing several, because he believed they were selling aborted baby body parts? A white guy. Who kidnaped an air conditioning repair man last week and held him hostage for several days because he thought the guy was hauling illegal ballots? A white guy. Who wanted to kidnap the female of governor of Michigan because she was destroying their “freedom?” A bunch of white guys. Who wrote that Kars-For-Kids jingle? A white guy! Which group is the number one terrorist threat in this nation? White men, specifically, white supremacists.

We’ve come a long way since the Tuskegee Study. It’s right to have questions, but don’t be a nut about it. Do your part for your country, your community, your family, and take the vaccine. Don’t be like a Trump supporter. Don’t be a MAGAt. These are people you really don’t want to have anything in common with.

And because of these people, the Dougs, we need as many of us as possible who are rational to take the vaccine. The more people who take it, the less the virus can spread. Do your part. Social distance, stay home, wear a facemask, and take the vaccine.

If you don’t, I’m sending the lizard people. They know how to get ya.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (16 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Trump’s Vaccine Fail


cjones12102020

Good news, everybody. Donald Trump signed an executive order commanding all American manufacturers of covid vaccine to deliver them to Americans first. We will all get the vaccine to the virus before any unworthy foreigners do from American vaccine companies, like Pfizer.

Yesterday, citizens of the United Kingdom started to receive vaccines to the coronavirus from Pfizer. Wait, what? I thought Americans, you know, people in the United States were supposed to receive the vaccine first from American companies?

George Stephanopoulos asked a guy on Good Morning America to clarify Donald Trump’s order…like how will it work? The guy said, “Frankly, I don’t know, and frankly, I’m staying out of this. I can’t comment. I literally don’t know.”

Who was that guy? Nobody very important. Just the lead scientists on Trump’s Operation Warp Speed, the effort to produce a vaccine and distribute it to Americans. George said, “But you’re the lead scientists. And the lead scientists said, “No, I’m not. It’s that guy over there.” And as George turned his head to look and saw there wasn’t a guy over there, the lead scientist ran from the room screaming.

Then, we found out that Donald Trump rejected offers from Pfizer to purchase millions of more doses of the vaccine created by them and the German company BioNTech, which is the vaccine currently being given to the Brits.

Donald Trump is a businessman yet he doesn’t seem to understand how supply and demand works. Maybe that’s because he never tried to sell a product anyone wanted. But several companies are making vaccines and they can only make them so fast. So when Donald Trump turns down an offer to purchase millions of doses, then those doses will be sold elsewhere, like in NOT America. Pfizer has already gone into contracts with other nations to deliver vaccine doses in the second half of 2021. Donald Trump should understand that when you have a contract, you have to fulfill it….except Donald Trump usually disregards contracts and cheats the people he made promises to. That’s because he’s a grifter.

Donald Trump is worried that Joe Biden will steal credit for the vaccine. But in late 2021, when we don’t have enough, I’m sure Trump will tweet from a toilet at Mar-a-Lago about what a horrible job Joe is doing with distributing the vaccine. And Geraldo wanted to name the vaccine after Trump to honor him. They should name toilets after Trump. Then we can say, “I gotta drop a Geraldo in the Trump.”

Remember during the campaign when Donald Trump promised a vaccine would be available for every American before the end of the year? Yeah, we might have 40 million doses before January 1. To be vaccinated, every American needs two doses. Do the math, Republicans. Half of 40 is…what? That’s 20 million people treated. It’s a good thing there are only 20 million people in the United States. Right? No? The United States alone is going to need at least 700 million doses. While we’re scrambling for doses, other nations will be doing the same. We’ll be competing again and dumbass Trump, when given the opportunity to purchase more doses, said, “No thanks.”

And get this, being the brilliant businessman that he is, Donald Trump did purchase 100 million doses of a cheaper vaccine that’s probably made from badger sweat and horse piss. We’re going to get the Trump Steaks of vaccines. And you question why so many are skeptical of the vaccine? Before that needle goes into my arm, I’m asking…”Is this the Trump vaccine or the Biden vaccine?”

Donald Trump did hold a party at the White House to celebrate that there will be a vaccine…and it’s a good thing the vaccine is coming because White House parties tend to be coronavirus super-spreader events. Oh, the irony. Of course, the people who will be distributing the vaccine, the Joe Biden administration, weren’t invited. Pfizer and Moderna, another vaccine manufacturer, refused to attend the party, either because they didn’t want to part of the politicization of it, didn’t want to be associated with Donald Trump, or they didn’t watch to catch the virus at another White House super spreader event.

At the event, Donald Trump said if another 1.8 millions people die, then we’ll have herd immunity and won’t even need the vaccine. Then he said, that would be “terrific.” Terrific if another 1.8 million people die? If Donald Trump manages to steal this election, I’m sure that will happen. I’m sure he’ll fuck up distributing the vaccine. He’s actually trying to make it a disaster for Biden. Donald Trump is a very evil stupid man.

Donald Trump has issued an order that American companies provide the vaccine he’s not ordering to Americans first.

And do not forget that during this entire crisis, he’s been trying to destroy our national healthcare system. Meanwhile, the UK’s national healthcare system, scary socialism, is vaccinating people.

And over 70 million of us voted to continue this Trump disaster. We are an extremely stupid country.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Rona Rudy Tooty Colludy


cjones12082020

I have a a question for Republicans: When are you going to learn?

After Herman Cain caught the Trump virus and died from it AFTER catching it at a Trump rally, you still haven’t learned.

After cases and deaths spiked in red states where restrictions weren’t put into place, like Florida, you still haven’t learned.

After a bunch of Trump goons, like Mark Meadows, Ben Carson, Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump Jr, Stephen Miller, Kayleigh McEnany, Hope Hicks, Ronna McDaniel, Mike Lee, Melania, Chris Christie, Thom Tillis, Ron Johnson, Bill Stepien, Nick Luna, etc, caught the virus from attending White House events, you still haven’t learned.

Even after the champion of covid denial and hater of facemasks everywhere, Donald Trump caught the Trump virus, you still haven’t learned.

Sure, I caught the virus too but I wasn’t out telling people not to wear facemasks. I wasn’t discouraging social distancing. I caught the thing while trying to cover newsworthy events and sometimes…shit happens. Plus, it’s really hard to social distance on a train. Amtrak!!! Stop packing people into the same cars. Spread them out.

Now, after going to hearings and conducting press events in multiple states and outside porn shops, it turns out farts aren’t the only thing Rudy Giuliana has forced upon innocent victims. Rudy hasn’t been wearing a mask and has now tested positive for the Trump virus. Rudy didn’t just refuse to learn after Trump caught the virus. Rudy refused to learn after his own son caught it.

Now, Rudy is hanging upside down and avoiding sunlight in a Georgetown University Hospital. The hospital at Georgetown is great. I mean, I’ve never had experience with that hospital but I did stay at the University hotel which is connected to the hospital and all the doctors and nurses I saw at the hotel Starbucks looked very competent, and the building is made out very sturdy stuff…so Rudy’s probably in good hands. But still, he wasn’t airlifted by Marine One and taken to Walter Reed Medical Center to be treated by a team of two dozen doctors and experimental medication like Donald Trump was.

But here’s a fact about covid, kids. You have covid before you find out you have covid. Taking a test doesn’t give you covid. Rudy was rushed to the hospital yesterday when it was announced he had covid. That means Rudy was suffering from covid before yesterday…like when he was going to bullshit hearings spreading conspiracy theories while not wearing a mask…he was also spreading covid. The same thing happened with Donald Trump. The day they announced he had covid was the same day he went to the hospital. They lied about when they tested positive and they lied about how bad their cases are.

Here’s a another fun fact: The White House has never revealed when Donald Trump last tested negative before he tested positive and they never revealed when he finally tested negative after testing positive. One more thing: They never revealed how high his temperature got.

Another question: If we have to replace all four quarterbacks for the Denver Broncos because they MIGHT have covid, then why couldn’t we have replaced a president (sic) who was actually in the hospital from covid? I mean, couldn’t we have have found a decent wide receiver to be president until Trump got back? That would have been a better choice than Mike Pence…or Donald Trump. Sure, that wide receiver sucked at playing quarterback but you know he’d make a better president than Pence or Trump. But anyway…

When the people who are lying about the virus are the same goons who won’t tell you how bad their cases are, don’t trust them. When the people who keep telling you covid is not that bad…keep catching covid, don’t trust them.

Wear a facemasks. Stay home. In another week, we’re going to see the Thanksgiving spike from covid…just before everyone spreads it to the relatives at Christmas. We’re in for a hard winter. Yet, the president (sic) of the United States has only said two things about the Trump virus since he lost the election to Joe Biden. Those two things are: Don’t let Joe Biden steal credit for the vaccine the same way Donald Trump stole the credit for President Obama’s economy, and Rudy has the rona.

Rudy has the rona. Surprised? No. I hope Rudy recovers in a spectacular fashion. I wish him well and hope he can soon return to lying, spreading conspiracy theories on Hannity, melting all over podiums, and farting throughout state legislative hearing committees like the old Rudy we have all grown to loathe and despise.

And now because some you are going to ask, and I am really fortunate that so many care, but…I HATE being asked multiple times a day and having to reply to each person individually…or when people message AFTER I put out a public statement I’m doing fine….I’m doing fine. I’m pretty sure it’s gone and all I have left are the after effects, like not being able to smell, occasionally dizziness, and falling down stairs. Thanks for asking.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Super-Spreader Winner


cjones11052020

Sometimes people forget that I draw for news outlets and not for social media. This is a post-election cartoon because my clients will need something to put on their pages for Wednesday before they know who won. It’s kinda hard to draw these without making them suck.

One thing is for certain beyond Tuesday and that’s that a lot of doctors, nurses, and hospitals are going to still be dealing with the Trump Virus…partly thanks to Donald Trump’s super-spreader events. That’s MAGA for you.

No long blog again. That’s coming later today.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Corona Barbie


cjones10282020

The Lincoln Project, a group of Republican Never Trumpers who have spent millions of dollars advertising against Donald Trump, has now placed two billboards in Times Square featuring Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

As you probably know, Ivanka is Donald Trump’s daughter and favorite offspring (he likes her so much, he talks about dating her) and Jared is her husband. They are both unpaid advisors to Donald Trump and rumor has it, they’re worth every penny they’re paid.

They are very upset about these billboards in Times Square. They’re so upset, they had their legal counsel, crazy-hair Marc Kasowitz (a former White House lawyer who also has Putin Pals as clients) threatening to sue the Lincoln Project. Kasowitz called them, “false, malicious and defamatory,” which sounds like a defense from Cosmo Kramer’s lawyer, Jackie Chiles. And if Kasowitz continues defending Trumps, his next Jackie Chiles-inspired quote will probably be, “This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”

The photo of Ivanka used on the billboard is from her famous Goya photo-op which many legal experts believe is illegal. You’re not supposed to pimp products while working in the White House. Ivanka’s billboard includes statistics about Covid deaths substituting for the beans. Jared’s has the quote, “New Yorkers are going to suffer and that’s their problem.” He’s also accompanied by body bags.

Jackie Chiles, I mean, Kasowitz says Ivanka never made any such gesture, except she did, and that Jared never made the quote.

The quote is from Vanity Fair in a very detailed article which is claims is a first-person account. Jared was referring to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, and how he “didn’t pound the phones hard enough to get PPE for his state…. His people are going to suffer and that’s their problem.”

If Kasowitz sues for Boy Kush and Corona Bean Barbie, he can expect more quotes attributed to Jared to be dug up…and for witnesses to provide them. They don’t want this.

What will be more interesting will be how Ivanka and Jared are greeted if they return to New York City after the Trump administration is defeated. It’s not like they’re going to be invited to all the balls. They joined a corrupt administration that fought their city and state. They helped enact policies designed to hurt New York during the pandemic.

What Ivanka and Jared need to understand, other than how not to be tacky, is that when you work in high-profile positions in the government, you’re going to be criticized. You’re going to be held accountable. For Ivanka, working in the White House been all about Chinese patents, photo-ops, and trying to appear important at world summits. For Jared, it’s been about helping his father-in-law rule, not govern, and secret conversations with dictators who order journalists to be chopped up with bone saws.

According to some reports, Jared and Ivanka will be welcomed back in New York City…in Staten Island. Ew.

But then again, they may not have to worry about that as they both may be wearing orange. Do they serve Goya beans in prison?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Science Schmience


cjones10222020

Donald Trump has always been at war against facts and science. And even after catching the coronavirus, he hasn’t learned anything from it except that he’ll receive special treatment.

At one of his rallies, Trump was boasting about how many doctors he had while also telling his flock of fucknuts, don’t let the virus scare you. It’s amazing he’s obtuse to the point that he’s boasting about his level of treatment while putting others in danger who won’t receive that same treatment.

You should not take Donald Trump’s advice regarding the coronavirus any more than you should go to him for marriage advice…unless you want a divorce.

In a call with campaign staff on Monday, Donald Trump said, “People are tired of Covid.” That’s true. We are tired of Covid. We’re tired of a president (sic) ignoring it, putting more Americans in danger, and making it harder to reopen this nation and resuming our normal everyday lives.

Donald Trump also said, “I have the biggest rallies I’ve ever had. And we have Covid. People are saying: ‘Whatever. Just leave us alone.’ They’re tired of it.” I don’t know if we should gauge the population by people too stupid to follow the habits of a guy who caught the coronavirus, and doesn’t change his habits.

Then, Donald Trump called Dr. Anthony Fauci and other scientists, “Idiots.”

“People are tired of hearing Fauci and these idiots, all these idiots who got it wrong,” said the guy who ignored his own government’s guidelines and caught the virus.

At a rally in Nevada yesterday, Trump warned his attendees that if elected, “Joe Biden will ‘listen’ to the scientists.” Oh no! An intelligent president. What’ll that be like?

“If I listened totally to the scientists, we would right now have a country that would be in a massive depression,” said the president (sic) presiding over an economy in a massive depression and a nation where over 220,000 people have died from the coronavirus. Fact: None of those 220,000 was airlifted to Walter Reed Medical Center to receive experimental treatment from a team of 14 doctors.

Let’s take stock: Donald Trump ignored CDC and his own coronavirus taskforce’s guidelines. Donald Trump ignored guidelines for wearing face masks. Donald Trump ignored social distancing. Donald Trump continued to hold super-spreader events. Donald Trump’s friend, Herman Cain, died after attending one of these super-spreader events. Donald Trump held a super-spreader event at the White House where over a dozen people caught the coronavirus. At that same White House super-spreader event, Donald Trump caught the coronavirus. As soon as he felt better, Donald Trump resumed holding super-spreading events.

So yeah, it’s the scientists who are the idiots.

Donald Trump can attack Dr. Fauci all he wants, but last I looked, Dr. Fauci still hasn’t caught the coronavirus.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Corona Bingo


cjones10112020

Donald Trump, Melania Trump, Kellyanne Conway, Chris Christie, Kayleigh McEnany, Stephen Miller, Thom Tillis, Mike Lee, Ron Johnson, Hope Hicks, Nicholas Luna, Chad Gilmartin, Karoline Leavitt, Bill Stepien, and Ronna McDaniel (who even had “rona” in her name) are all people working in the White House, or close to it, who have tested positive for the coronavirus… so far.

There are nations that aren’t having as many outbreaks a day as this White House has had.

Many of these people have worked overtime to downplay the virus and deny it was as bad as it is. They worked hard to mislead the public. They over-exerted themselves to lie to America. And if they didn’t do that, then they worked for an administration that did. They are complicit.

Let’s not say any of them deserve it, but they each truly did ask for it.

A few months ago, Kellyanne Conway demanded a reporter to produce the name of a White House staffer who claimed people in the administration were calling it the “China Virus.” She said it was a racist term and nobody in that White House would ever use such an ugly description. Scratch that. Soon, Donald Trump was calling it the “China Virus” and Kellyanne, when asked to denounce that, said, “Look over there! It’s an aardvark!” And while the reporters were looking, she took off.

But many people who have caught the virus from the Trump team that downplayed it and refused to exercise the safety guidelines from their own Coronavirus Task Force, did not ask for it. A lot of people did not ask for mouth breathers to breathe on them.

While Kellyanne asked for it, her daughter didn’t. It was bad enough that Kellyanne Conway spent the past four years talking about “alternative facts” and lying for a corrupt administration. But who knew she was this vile? She refused to practice safety so she could stay in line and pander to a stupid and hateful president. She exposed herself to catch the coronavirus. Now, her lying and pandering to the worst president in world history has threatened the lives of her children. Her 15-year-old daughter, TikTok sensation Claudia, has now caught it.

In a video, Claudia claimed her mother lied to her about testing negative. Then she posted a new video saying she “guessed” she had misinterpreted her mom and that Kellyanne said she tested three times, twice positive, and never lied about it. The best thing about this is, she was taping a new TikTok video with her mom in the room who said, “You lied about your fucking mother…about covid.”

I was wrong. The best part about that is at the end her sentence, Kellyanne asked, “You’re taping again…”

Isn’t it delicious irony that Kellyanne is upset her daughter “lied” about covid? If only Kellyanne could hold her boss, the president (sic) of the United States, to the same standards and accountability as she holds her 15-year-old daughter.

Kellyanne also left her position at the White House to spend more time breathing on her family.

Others who did not ask for the virus from the White House are the three journalists who Kayleigh McEnany helped catch it.

This White House refused to create a safe environment for its employees. They carried out rallies. They even carried out huge, mask-less events on the White House lawn which is believed to have been the spark for this latest outbreak. After sharing it with the world, this administration refused to contact those in danger. They even tried to hide the outbreak.

The administration didn’t want to alert the press that Hope Hicks had acquired it. Would they have still hidden it after Trump tested positive? How would they have explained all the people working from home? What would they have said after journalists covering the White House started catching it?

Now, White House adviser and hate speech writer Stephen Miller has caught it. He was in that group with Hope Hicks that leaped into Marine One with Donald Trump last Wednesday. Another in that group was Jared Kushner.

If you had Stephen Miller on your bingo card, congratulations. Now, all with Jared are keeping an eye on him.

I’m sorry. Is it too soon to mock these people for catching a deadly virus? Not if issuing a commemorative coin celebrating Donald Trump defeating the virus, before he’s defeated the virus, isn’t too soon.

But hey, if you are one of those White House employees who have caught the virus because of Donald Trump’s failures, don’t worry. According to Donald Trump, it’s no worse than the flu. It’s not that bad. You can’t let it “dominate your life.”

In fact, you’re probably a winner. I mean, Donald Trump isn’t a loser, right? It’s not like everything he touches turns to shit, right? And he touched you, right?

As Hans Landa said in Inglourious Basterds, “Ooh. That’s a bingo.”

Creative note: Laura, one of my cartoon proofers, deserves a shout-out for this. While proofing, she asked if the bingo balls were supposed to look like the coronavirus. They weren’t but I thought it was an excellent idea. Thanks, Laura.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.