Trump Virus

Trump Nerd


cjones07112020

Is it plausible Donald Trump cheated on his SATs? I think it’s implausible he knows how to spell “SAT.”

CNN obtained a copy of Mary Trump’s book, “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man.” And so far, the biggest revelation from Trump’s niece that doesn’t surprise anyone is Donald Trump, the world’s stupidest man, paid a nerd to take his SAT for him.

Donald Trump has boasted about being at the top of his class. While he’s never released his school transcripts (despite barking for President Barack Obama to do so), professors and classmates have spoken out that Donald was nowhere near the top of his class. It would amaze most if he was able to work the doorknob to get into class. And heaven forbid if there were stairs.

According to the book, Donald Trump paid someone to take his SAT test to get into the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton Business School. She didn’t just make the claim, she named the guy who “supposedly” took the test for Dumb Donald. Later, he still needed assistance from his brother and father to twist elbows for him to get into Wharton.

We didn’t know about the SAT accusation but we already knew Donald Trump is stupid. And none of the other details that have leaked out so far don’t tell us anything new about Donald Trump. He commented on his niece’s breasts. We already knew he was a pig. He hid his younger brother’s toys and threatened to destroy them. We already knew he was an asshole. Instead of going to the hospital on the night his older brother died, he went to the movies. We already knew Donald Trump was a selfish uncaring asshole. He hired Mary to write a book about him and only delivered transcripts of a recording of him insulting women who refused to date him. We already knew he was an immature, insecure, misogynistic manchild and most women find him repulsive. Mary, who has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology, believes Donald Trump meets all nine criteria for narcissism. Again, we already knew that. Donald Trump is a sick racist puppy.

If you’re looking for real juicy dirt like there is a pee tape, he had a guy killed, details of an Epstein party with underage models, he lost his penis in a smelting accident, or he wears a diaper, or his real father’s an Oompa Loompa, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. Sorry.

Of course, Kaleigh McEnany, the White House Spokesgoon and others cried out that the SAT story is a big fat lie. Of course, the only way they know it’s a lie is because that’s what Donald Trump, the teller of over 19,000 lies since coming into office, has told them. The people who work for Donald Trump, and those who support him, pretend he’s not stupid, racist, or a horrible human being.

Donald Trump is horrible; he’s willing to risk your children’s lives for his selfish needs. Don’t make the mistake of believing Donald Trump cares about you, your children, or anyone who isn’t Donald Trump. He continues to visit hotspots for the coronavirus where members of his campaign, the Secret Service, his supporter Herman Cain, and even his idiot son’s girlfriend contract the virus…yet he continues to go to campaign in hotspots to satiate his frail ego.

Yesterday, he said he’s going to pressure governors and mayors to reopen schools this fall. He did this while lying that the United States has the lowest mortality rate from the coronavirus in the world. He claimed Democrats are playing politics in wanting the schools to remain closed. He believes it’s all designed to hurt him.

Again, for Donald Trump, everything is about Donald Trump. He thinks the schools are being kept closed to hurt him. He’s playing politics with your kids’ lives.

Just like nobody wants to keep the economy closed forever, nobody wants to keep children home. We all want them in schools. The question is, “when?” You have to be insane if you think it helps anyone politically to force parents to be home day after day with their sticky-handed screaming snot factories. That wouldn’t endear you to anybody.

The thing that scares me most is that Trump supporters will risk their children’s lives for their messiah. I’m astounded people will sacrifice their principles, ethics, and honesty for this racist reality TV host who’s so stupid, he thinks we can nuke hurricanes. Yet, now they’ll risk their children’s lives for this narcissistic asshole. It’s not like he has to entertain Barron on a constant basis. Just like SAT test, he has someone to do that for him.

Before you send little Johnnie and little Debbie back to school to help your false prophet claim everything’s back to normal so he can be reelected, keep in mind the lies he’s already told about the virus.

It was supposed to disappear last April. We’re now in July. In case you’re a Republican, April is before July. Now, Donald Trump is boasting about a low mortality rate which is horrible because that means a lot of people are about to die. Make sure it’s not your child.

It’s no surprise Donald Trump had someone take the SAT for him. Use your own eyes. He’s claimed credit for our economy, stock market, and job creation when all of that was accomplished by a black guy. A black guy who was much more accomplished and smarter than Donald Trump. What we need now is someone to president for Donald Trump because Donald Trump isn’t doing it.

Every single test that’s been thrown at Donald Trump since he became this nation’s president (sic), he’s failed. He never built the economy so we can’t have faith he’s capable of rebuilding it. He’s failed with the coronavirus. He’s failed in race relations.  And right now, he’s failing our country.

Dumb Donald never should have been accepted into Wharton and he never should have been allowed in the White House. Donald Trump has been a test for America and if you’re supporting or voting for him, you failed.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Germin’ With Herman


cjones07062020

I don’t care who you are or if you’re a Republican or a Democrat when it comes to science. You should listen to scientists, not politicians. You should especially listen to scientists over stupid politicians.

While Donald Trump and his surrogates keep downplaying the seriousness of the coronavirus and put a happy spin on it, people close to Trump continue to catch it. A Secret Service agent who accompanied Mike Pence to Arizona, a virus hotspot, has contracted the virus. While the Trump campaign was setting up its hate rally in Tulsa several members of the campaign and two Secret Service agents caught the virus.

Before the rally was held in Tulsa, everyone who is not a dumbass knew it was a horrible and stupid idea. Oklahoma was and still is a hotspot for the coronavirus. It was very dangerous to go to a hotspot and jam 19,000 people into one…I’m sorry…to jam 6,000 people into one room. All the experts said we’ll see who catches it from that rally in two weeks. Guess what. It’s been two weeks.

Herman Cain chairs Black Voices for Trump, where there are not a lot of voices. Herman attended the Tulsa hate rally. He wasn’t afraid of catching the virus and photos turned up of him at the rally not wearing a face mask and not social distancing. After the hate rally, Cain wrote an Op-Ed saying, “The atmosphere was electric, and the president’s words were inspiring. He presented a vision for uniting the country, overcoming the remaining effects of the pandemic and reinvigorating an economy he had going strong before the coronavirus showed up.” Yeah, the “atmosphere” was apparently contaminated, and guess who now has to “overcome the remaining effects of the pandemic?”

Yup, Herman has caught the virus. He was told Monday he has the disease and by Wednesday, his symptoms were so severe that he was hospitalized in Atlanta. I’m not sure if it was before or after he went to the hospital, but on Wednesday, TWO FUCKING DAYS AFTER HE WAS TOLD HE HAD THE VIRUS, he tweeted his support for the July 4th celebration in South Dakota saying, “Masks will not be mandatory for the event, which will be attended by President Trump. PEOPLE ARE FED UP!”

Seriously, dude. Has Trump called or sent you a get-well card yet? People are “fed up” with wearing face masks? Guess what, Herman? You should have worn a mask. I’m pretty sure it would have been a lot less inconvenient than being in a hospital.

There will be a huge celebration in South Dakota at Mount Rushmore where the stupid Republican governor announced face masks will not be mandatory and they will not be social distancing. In fact, each attendee will be assigned their own personal Nazi to breath heavy on their face. Sorry, ladies. Stephen Miller’s been spoken for.

And, Donald Trump will be at this rally where some predict the attendance can be as high as 30,000. According to some inside sources, Donald Trump is petrified he will catch the virus because it will make him look bad because he’s trying to convince everyone the virus will go away and he’s mocked people for wearing face masks. However, he is starting to bend on the mask thing and even says it makes him look like the Lone Ranger. I think he’s confusing the Lone Ranger with Bane.

The White House may be testing Trump every day for the virus. Reportedly, everyone who comes in contact with him has to be tested. But tests aren’t 100 percent reliable. Someone should tell this to Donald Trump and maybe use a condom analogy. Perhaps if he sees the coronavirus as an Eric, he’ll take the disaster seriously.

I don’t care how much precaution is being taken to protect Trump from the virus because, at the rate he’s hanging out with large crowds of racist assholes, someone with the virus will slip in and get on him. Ask Herman.

Donald Trump said “Black Lives Matter” is a racist symbol. Maybe he can put that on the get-well card for Herman. Hey, Herman. How are your doctors fighting the virus? Are they using hydroxychloroquine? Are you drinking bleach? I hope you’re listening to the doctors and not Doctor Dumbass.

In addition to listening to scientists over stupid politicians, maybe Herman can remember just how loyal of a person Donald Trump is. And what did Herman get for his loyalty to Donald Trump, a man who tweeted “white power” and throws out racist dog whistles on a daily basis? He got a hospital bed. Herman is one of Donald Trump’s “black friends,” which means he’s not really his friend. He’s a token.

Tokens are expendable, especially to disloyal and selfish people like Donald Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Stupid American


CNN06282020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Europeans often look down on Americans and make fun of us. That in itself may be more of a stereotype and a joke than it is real…or at least it was before Donald Trump became president.

The idea of Donald Trump being president was a joke. The Simpsons had it as a joke in one episode because it was so ridiculous. Lisa Simpson was president, who is a cartoon and not a real person, and that’s less ridiculous than a Trump presidency. Though in that episode, Lisa had to rebuild the nation after a Trump presidency.

But yeah, Donald Trump is a joke. But Europe, like American liberals and the few Republicans who put their nation before a cult, recognize he’s more than a joke. He’s dangerous. However, as dangerous as he is, gatherings of world leaders are still caught on hot mics mocking the guy who claims he’s restored international respect to our nation.

Europe has done a much better job with the coronavirus than our nation. While we have 4 percent of the world’s population, we have 25% of coronavirus cases. The virus is spiking in the deep south and our more liberal states in the northeast are enacting quarantines for visitors from those states. Europe may take it one step further.

Europe looks at us and they see our president, the ultimate ugly, stupid, arrogant American. And what do they see now? They see an ugly American denying a virus isn’t as bad as it is. They see a stupid American telling people to drink bleach and take a medication that can kill them (Hey, if Europe is afraid of a drug, you don’t wanna go near it). They see an arrogant American mock people for wearing facemasks. They see an incredibly ugly, stupid, arrogant American president (sic) say we have fewer cases of coronavirus when we have fewer tests. They see an idiot who believes tests create cases.

And now, the entire continent is considering banning each of us from entering. What’s next? Stiffed by Canada? Will Mexico build a wall and make us pay for it (probably)?

Europe may not like us very much but they love our money and for us to come over and eat their snails. But when they see our leader (sic) exhibit the very worst of us, Europe is all like, “Nope!” They don’t want dirty Americans to re-contaminate their nations where people actually believe in science.

I don’t blame them.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Here Comes The Worm


cjones06302020

Yesterday, the White House Coronavirus Task Force held their first briefing in 8 weeks. You do remember those, right? As it turns out, Dr. Deborah Birx has not been abducted by aliens. These briefings were ended after Donald Trump suggested everybody drink bleach and Drano to kill the coronavirus.

But, the administration was forced to say something about the virus since the first wave won’t go away, southern states fucked up by reopening too fast with some starting to scale back (no alcohol in bars in Florida and Texas), cases are increasing, but most of all, because Donald Trump is about 15 points behind Joe Biden in national polls and behind him in every swing state. He’s even behind Biden in places like Texas, Georgia, and Mississippi. And Biden has rarely left his house.

Donald Trump has been a huge failure with handling the coronavirus. As cases decrease in first-world countries, they’re increasing here. Right now, Haiti believes we’re a shithole country.

Donald Trump won’t push masks, instead, pushing conspiracy theories. He’s staged two rallies in states where cases are spiking. He refuses to accept the number of cases or deaths as facts. He’d rather scream about antifa, demonstrate to his base he can lift a glass of water with one hand (with some difficulty), and yell racist terms in churches. To be fair, it was just one church.

So who did they trot out for yesterday’s press briefing on the virus? Mike Pence. It went about as well as could be expected. If you weren’t sick before watching it, you were after. It was also a good opportunity for a jaded, pessimistic cynic like me to practice shouting at his TV.

Mike Pence has to be the most squeamish, sycophantic, ass-kissing, shitweasel toady worm in the history of Washington, D.C. Yesterday’s briefing proved it.

First, the worm comes out and says, “as we stand here today, all 50 states and territories across this country are opening up safely and responsibly.”

No, they’re not. You lying weasel shitfuck. While Texas and Florida have closed their bars, the Lone Star State has ordered restaurants to limit seating to 50% capacity, gatherings of at least 100 people have to seek approval, and they’ve ordered their rafting and tubing businesses to close. You can’t go tubing in Texas but you can still get a haircut. Maine has postponed reopening bars.

Bars are cesspools. Here in Virginia, I did visit a bar down the street from my apartment and masks are being worn by servers and everyone is social distancing. And the place next door that sells amazing gyros, they are not. At another bar farther down the street, NOBODY is wearing a face mask or social distancing. I’m not going back because…damn. It’s like they forgot they were all unemployed for three months and they don’t mind going back to that status.

Other states that are pausing reopening plans or extending phases are Louisiana, North Carolina, Idaho, Nevada, and New Mexico. Funny thing, most of these states are red states. Huh.

Captain Brown Nose also lied and said, “we flattened the curve.”

They only thing he flattened was his principles, pride, and his spine. What a lying goober. The United States reported 36,975 new cases on Wednesday and 41,113 new cases on Thursday, setting daily records both days. In Houston, intensive care units are out of beds. That is NOT flattening.

Then, that lying motherfucker (literally) said, “We want the American people to understand it’s almost inarguable that more testing is generating more cases. To one extent or another, the volume of new cases coming in is a reflection of a great success in expanding more testing across the country.”

Inarguable? Infuckingarguable? This might be the biggest lie that’s ever come out of the Trump administration, which says a lot. Here, Poodle bitch Pence is repeating his boss’ lie that testing creates more cases.

No, no, no, no, no!!!! Testing does not create cases. You don’t go into a clinic clean then catch it because you took a test. There are more cases of coronavirus because of the virus spreading. Not testing. No wonder Europe doesn’t want Americans to enter their freaking continent. Because our leaders are saying stupid shit like this an entire fucking continent is saying to us, “NOPE.”

Pence said, “Fatalities are decreasing all across the country.”

No, they’re not. While they have decreased nationally, you can’t say “across the country” because they’re either holding steady or…wait for it…increasing in places like California, Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, and Texas. Again, mostly red states.

And then, and then, and then, that lying white-haired constipated-looking piece of….grrrrr…advised that everyone listens to their local government for guidance. What? Did they listen to local guidance in the past two rallies where cases are spiking? Did they listen to the local government in Tulsa that said, “please don’t come here?” Did they listen to the local government in Phoenix that said, “face masks are required?” No. They held their two little hate rallies coughed spittle all over each other and contaminated the Secret Service.

And, the suck-up Trump goon did not mention face masks or social distancing, even though that’s the two main pieces of advice from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. When asked why the Trump campaign doesn’t mandate social distancing or wearing face masks at their hate rallies where the president (sic) shouts racist slurs, the most sickening, lapdog, lickspittle vice president in the history of the United States said, “Freedom of speech, the right to peacefully assemble is enshrined in the constitution of the United States. And we have an election coming up this fall.”

What the hell does any of that have to do with wearing face masks or social distancing?

We have to replace this stupid shit. Donald Trump is destroying this nation and you have people like Mike Pence enabling and helping him. A crisis, especially a pandemic, is hard enough for adults to deal with. Here, we have children. Stupid, racist children.

How anyone can still support Donald Trump boggles my mind and in fact, that in itself is an infection. It’s time to kill it.

And yes, Mike Pence is the biggest spineless worm in the history of Washington, D.C.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Liberty Pants


cjones06292020

A couple days ago, a journalist for one of the major cable news networks was talking to an official in Arizona about masks being worn at Donald Trump’s hate rally in a megachurch.

The hate rally inside a church was to be held in Phoenix, a city that mandated facemasks to be worn in public, especially in social gatherings. The state/city official said the mandate wouldn’t be enforced at the church and if people felt safe and secure about not wearing a mask, then they’ll be allowed not to wear one. That’s where I started screaming at my TV (which is a hobby of mine) because the journalist didn’t push back on one aspect of that.

Part of the anti-mask argument is if you don’t feel you’re in danger, then you shouldn’t have to wear a mask. What the journalist failed to catch is we don’t wear masks for our own personal safety as much as we wear it for others and in the grander scheme of things, we’re wearing masks to defeat this virus nationally and globally. It takes a village yet every village has its share of idiots.

Just like it doesn’t matter what you think about a subject because opinions don’t change facts, how you feel about wearing a mask doesn’t matter to the virus. I actually encountered a guy on a sidewalk when the pandemic first hit saying, “Don’t worry about catching the virus from me. I don’t believe in that crap.” Being a dumbass will not save your life.

It’s one thing to just be stupid about public safety. It’s another to make it political because after you make it political, you refuse to admit you’re wrong. And if you’re not wearing a mask in public, just like your support for Donald Trump, you are wrong and it’s past the point that you’ve been proven wrong. The only thing preventing you from accepting reality is arrogance and narcissism. You’re wrong and it’s time for you to eat shit. We stopped serving crow in 2016.

Do you remember a few weeks ago when Florida was boasting about its low number of cases despite not putting forth the same safety measures as New York? Republican Governor Ron DeSantis was indignant, angry, and being a righteous asshole about it while screaming into microphones about how right he was. So, he reopened his state early. Now, Florida is one of the three most populous states in the nation with record highs. Texas reopened early and now they’re stepping back. Florida, where professional wrestling was classified as an “essential business,” has not.

Also, when Florida reopened, a stupid fucker who was frequenting my YouTube page challenged me in a bet that Florida’s coronavirus cases would not increase. I refused his bet because I don’t wager on human life and since he’s a Trump supporter, he wouldn’t pay up anyway because Trump supporters are lowlife liars who cheat at everything. Guess what. That guy hasn’t been back on my page since the numbers started spiking. Pay up? He’d have to be able to admit he was wrong first.

A huge reason these numbers are going up is that facemasks are not being worn. The evidence is in. If you’re on the debate team for no masks, you’ve lost. It’s over. Wait, if you’re a Donald Trump supporter, facts don’t apply. That’s why I never would have collected on that bet.

Right now, despite overwhelming evidence facemasks work, as in numbers of cases going down all over the world except in Brazil (where their leader is a Trump acolyte and hates masks too), our numbers are rising and Donald Trump and his administration are refusing to realize it. They lie about it. Donald Trump says the only reason the numbers are going up is because of “great testing.”

Donald Trump refuses to accept the numbers are rising because there are more cases. He refuses to accept that facemasks work. He even refuses to accept his stubbornness over the virus is killing his campaign, which we all know is more important to him than human lives anyway.

Having to wear a facemask to protect others isn’t any more oppressive than having to wear a seatbelt, or a motorcycle helmet, or pants. Trust me on this, you’re wearing pants more for the consideration of others than you are for yourself.

I understand we all hate pants, especially the older we get. I haven’t worn pants since my trip to New York which was over two weeks ago. Hell, I’m not even wearing pants right now. But I’m not in public right now (they’re boxer briefs by the way) and when I am, I’m usually wearing sweat shorts because I’m lazy and getting fat. But, we all put something on when we go out. Wearing a facemask, while kinda annoying, is essential…just like you wearing pants. So, so essential.

Try to enter a grocery store without pants and see what happens? Use that same argument you do for not wearing a facemask. Go to a restaurant and tell them you don’t have to wear shoes. And in that regard, there may not be any laws in your state that mandates shoes in a restaurant (this will surprise you, most don’t have one), but the restaurant has the right to refuse service, especially to assholes. If you’re not wearing a facemask, businesses have the right to refuse service and to kick your selfish ass out.

If you’re still not wearing a facemask, you’re an asshole. That’s all it comes down to. Look at it this way, if all children have to sacrifice for your Second Amendment rights by having to wear a heavy bulletproof backpack to school, then you can wear a fucking facemask, you big entitled baby.

You’ve lost. the debate is over. Facemasks work. It’s not a conspiracy to control you or to see how much the government can get away with (I’ve had people tell me that one). Put on a goddamn mask, you selfish sonofabitch.

And for the love of God, put on some pants.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Dying On Tulsa Time


cjones06232020

Tulsa, Oklahoma, June 20, 2020. Come for the Trump hate. Leave with the Trump virus. Either way, you’re one infected sycophantic Kool-Aid goose-stepping troglodyte.

Donald Trump does not care about his supporters. If you’re one of them, he does not care about you. The proof of this is him holding a rally today that he admits will infect some people. That’s probably why everyone attending today’s hate rally has to sign a waiver clearing Donald Trump of legal liability if they catch the coronavirus. How stupid do you have to be? Oh yeah. You’re a Trump supporter. You’re pretty damn stupid.

The rally, which was originally scheduled for yesterday but moved by Trump after being pressured to not to be so obviously racist by holding it on Juneteenth, will be a cesspool for the virus. If you ask any health expert if they would attend, the answer is always no. Sometimes, it’s “Hell fucking no.”

The best health advice for attending today’s hate rally in Tulsa is don’t.

There will be 19,000 people jam-packed into the arena. Social distancing will be impossible. It will be indoors where everyone is shouting. Most won’t wear masks because Donald Trump doesn’t and they all believe it’s a conspiracy. Donald Trump believes people only wear masks to stick it to him which surprised me to learn that my wearing a mask had anything to do with Donald Trump. White House Spokesgoon Kaleigh McEnany said she won’t wear a mask out of “personal reasons.” Those reasons being, she’s afraid of upsetting Trump.

And before you say, “But Black Lives Matter protesters gathered in large numbers,” let me tell you the difference with that. They were outside. They were constantly moving (ask my feet). And, from my experience, most were wearing masks.

The site of the rally is a stupid choice. Cases of coronavirus are rising in the state despite Mike Pence and Donald Trump lying and claiming they were going down. Oklahoma is ranked 46th when it comes to health. But the virus being spread by the Trump hate rally won’t just stay in Oklahoma. Dumbass Trump lovers have traveled far and wide to come to this shit. They’ve been in line for the past week to hear Donald Trump praise himself and tell lies.

Scientists, who Dr. Nuke-a-Hurricane-Drink-some-Bleach-Windmill-Cancer doesn’t listen to, believe at least 800 to 1,000 people will contract covid-19 at this hate rally. They’ll take the virus home and back to their communities and share it with everyone they come into contact with. Donald Trump does not care.

And the really bad thing about this is Donald Trump does not need this rally to help his election. He’s not in any danger of losing Oklahoma, or other nearby states like Arkansas and Nebraska, to Joe Biden. This is purely for Donald Trump’s ego. Donald Trump loves your hate and he will risk your life to hear you express it. He will risk your life for applause.

You’re not just risking your life when you attend this rally. You’re threatening your nation by bringing this virus back…which actually hasn’t left yet. Good job, patriots.

Donald Trump is partly responsible for the number of deaths in this nation from this virus. He doesn’t feel any guilt about that because he is a selfish asshole and is willing to risk lives today. Everyone in line is in line to die for Donald Trump. How racist do you have to be to die for a racist?

Donald Trump, because he is an idiot, is also risking his own life. Elderly people have a more difficult time with the coronavirus and in case you haven’t noticed, Donald Trump is a geezer. He’s not even a healthy geezer because he thinks humans are like batteries and exercise depletes our energy. Again, hater of science. So this Big-Mac-Eating codger is willing to let 19,000 people shout their germs all over him while they’re all together in a covered petri dish.

In two weeks, you’re going to hear about new cases of coronavirus that was caught at this rally. And for what? Donald Trump is going to lose this election. He’ll be on a golf course hate tweeting while a lot of supporters will be in graves.

You want to die for Donald Trump who’s not worth dying for? Fine. But don’t risk my life too because I don’t think Donald Trump’s worth dying for…and neither are you.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Hater Waiver


cjones06172020

Against the advice of health officials, the city of Tulsa, and a lot of people who are a lot smarter than he is, Donald Trump is proceeding with his hate rally in Oklahoma, now scheduled for June 20 after caving in to pressure not to display his racism by having it on Juneteenth.

Donald Trump is being advised not to host this rally because the coronavirus pandemic isn’t over yet. Seriously, we should not host political rallies until Waffle House is allowing people to sit at the bar to order their covereds and smothereds. They’re not doing that yet, are they?

The Trump campaign says they’re hosting this hater rally in Oklahoma because the numbers are going down in that state…but they’re not. Donald Trump continues to deny the pandemic is as bad as it really is. It’s a pandemic he initially called a “Democratic hoax.” He refuses to wear a mask and sends out a message to his followers, masks are not required, which has made many of them believe masks are a form of government control (drink more Ovaltine). He wants his rallies packed to the roofs and his campaign claims (haha) that over 300,000 people have requested tickets for Tulsa’s venue which seats 19,000 (I signed up yesterday for two tickets, and I got them. They’re still giving out tickets. No. I’m not going to Tulsa).

And despite scoffing at the danger of the coronavirus, the campaign is taking the legality of it seriously. If you’re one of the 300,000 (HAHAHAHAHA) Trump supporters planning to attend his first hate rally since the pandemic started, Donald Trump wants you to sign a waiver. This waiver frees him of liability in case while attending his hate rally, you catch…wait for it…the coronavirus.

Asking Trump supporters to sign a waiver freeing Donald Trump of liability in case they catch a virus he’s claiming they’re not in danger of catching is unethical, hypocritical, and just a downright shitty thing to do. What an asshole. And yet, I don’t blame him.

Why don’t I blame him for this? I’m going to tell you.

Trump supporters have to overlook a lot. They have to be hypocrites. They have to defend “law and order” and “patriotism” while their dude is a treasonous criminal. They have to believe Donald Trump supports the military while he disparages Gold Star families and P.O.W.s. They have to believe the guy is smart even though he thinks if we stop testing for coronavirus, then nobody will catch it. And maybe that’s what you should do if you feel a little sickish after attending his hate rally. Don’t take a test. You’ll be fine.

A family member of mine, who is a Trump supporter, accused me of doing nothing but drawing cartoons that are hateful and divisive…while he supports Donald Trump who calls peaceful protesters “terrorists” and journalists the “enemy of the American people.”

If you’re a Trump supporter, you have to overlook he’s not a good businessman who has bankrupted casinos, an industry where your customers budget how much money they’re going to lose to you for nothing in return. They have to overlook he’s a grifter who steals from charity. They have to overlook he wants to hump his daughter. They have to overlook he has five children from three wives.

Donald Trump supporters have to overlook he’s stupid and nothing more than a reality TV show host. They have to be fine that he brags about committing sexual assault and pays off Playmates and pornstars through dummy corporations. They have to be cool that while he demands their loyalty, he returns none. They have to overlook his hair.

Trump supporters have to overlook he loves dictators, most especially Vladimir Putin. Right now, they’re overlooking the fact he hasn’t condemned Putin or issued a statement on Russia sentencing an American to prison for 16 years after a sham trial. They have to overlook that Donald Trump does not defend our country.

In addition to all that, you have to overlook that Donald Trump played down the coronavirus which led to over 100,000 deaths and over 40 million lost jobs. Unfortunately for Donald Trump, none of those people signed a waiver.

To support Donald Trump, you have to ignore he’s a liar who’s told over 16,000 lies.

If you support Donald Trump, you have sacrificed dignity, integrity, ethics, morals, principles, sanity, empathy, honesty, sense of fairness, and the ability to be reasonable. You have to be a crazy asshole who applauds and laughs at cruelty.

So, I don’t blame Donald Trump in wanting you, despite your sycophantic and cultist loyalty, to sign a waiver because in supporting Donald Trump, you have all the qualities of an untrustworthy asshole.

Just be sure to make the “X” large enough to be legible.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Skanks For The Memories


cjones05292020

Last week, Donald Trump yelled that churches are essential and demanded all the nation’s governors to reopen the churches in their states. If they won’t do it, he’ll override them and force the churches to reopen. Churches are essential dammit.

White evangelicals praised Donald Trump for declaring churches essential. Why, he’s their white knight of Christianity for saying churches are essential. And they are essential to all of them except…to Donald Trump.

Church is not essential to Donald Trump. Golf is essential to Donald Trump. Tweeting is essential to Donald Trump. Spreading childish insults, conspiracy theories, and lies are essential to Donald Trump. Being as divisive as possible to tear this country apart is essential to Donald Trump. Church? Not so much. If church was essential to Donald Trump, he would have been in one the Sunday after calling them essential.

I can not believe I’m not making this shit up. And I can not believe so many people are willing to overlook it.

During Memorial Day weekend, Donald Trump hit the links (not sausages, that we know of) twice. He visited his own course in Virginia. He was upset his golfing was criticized while totally missing why it was criticized. Trump thought he was being criticized for playing golf. No, he was criticized for playing golf during a pandemic despite criticizing President Obama for doing the same.

Differences between President Obama playing golf during the Ebola crisis, which Trump criticized him for, and Trump playing golf during a pandemic are: Two people died during the Ebola crisis. We’re nearing 100,000 for the Trump virus. Also, President Obama never swore he’d never play golf while he was president. Donald Trump did. Donald Trump described his fat ass riding around on a golf cart as exercise. Two things Donald Trump takes to the green with him: A golf cart and someone else’s golf ball, even if that ball belongs to a child.

While golfing and tweeting over the weekend, Donald Trump didn’t mention those lost to the Trump virus. That’s another thing he was criticized for. He neglected to mention those lost to the virus or even those on the front lines fighting, but he did dish out several hate tweets.

Donald Trump tweeted a conspiracy theory accusing MSNBC’s Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough of having an affair and committing murder. Did Donald Trump have any facts or evidence to back this up? No. Donald Trump is like the honey badger if the honey badger was orange and racist. Donald Trump don’t care. Donald Trump doesn’t need facts or evidence. It’s like his entire birther campaign when he swore he’d prove if President Obama was born in Kenya or not. He never did. He even took credit for President Obama producing his birth certificate, as if it’s thanks to Donald Trump that President Obama was born in Hawaii.

Donald Trump made a claim he was sending investigators to Hawaii to uncover the truth of Obama’s birth. Now, we need a search party to find those investigators because we never heard from them again. Methinks maybe John Barron led that expedition.

Donald Trump didn’t stop with the Scarborough conspiracy. He retweeted tweets from conservative and former political candidate John Stahl. John Stahl is a well-documented racist. Perhaps you don’t retweet a well-documented racist unless you yourself are a racist. In the past, John Stahl referred to Kamala Harris as “Willie’s ho,” and MSNBC’s Joy Reid as “butt ugly” and a “skank.” Apparently, racist tweets resonate with Donald Trump. In fact, he retweeted Stahl eight times on Saturday night.

Some of Trump’s Stahl retweets were about Nancy Pelosi wearing dentures (while Donald Trump himself probably wears dentures), Stacey Abrams hitting “every buffet in Georgia” while Donald Trump is no Twiggy himself, and finally, a tweet calling Hillary Clinton a skank.

It’s been three and a half years and Donald Trump still can’t get over Hillary Clinton so that must make her a skank in his book that he probably didn’t write and can’t read. Personally, I don’t think you’re fit to judge whether or not anyone is a skank when you cheated on all three of your wives who you’ve had five children with while raw-dogging porn stars and Playboy Playmates.

Racist Donald Trump also accused Joe Biden of being a racist while he was retweeting a known racist. I still can’t believe I’m not making any of this up.

Donald Trump projects. He calls someone else a racist because he’s a racist. He mocks people with dentures because he wears dentures. He calls women fat because he’s…well, Nancy called him “morbidly obese.” And, Donald Trump calls a woman a skank because he’s the biggest skank in the universe except, most skanks get sex for free. Donald Trump ultimately ends up paying for it.

Here’s the rule: If Donald Trump accuses anyone of anything, like cheating during an election, it’s because he’s doing it.

I’ll be glad when November gets here so we can rid ourselves of this skanky presidency.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

An Incalculable Loss


cjones05272020

During Memorial Day weekend, while the U.S. death toll from the coronavirus was nearing 100,000, and after he had called for the reopening of the nation’s churches, Donald Trump was playing golf. In fact, he hit the course that he owns in Virginia, twice. Quite frankly, I’m surprised he felt confident enough about his safety to play in Virginia since we can’t “protect our potatoes.” He also kinda looks like a giant sweet potato where the sweetness was substituted with racism.

The New York Times ran a front-page Sunday listing the victims of the coronavirus. Of course, they couldn’t all fit on the front page so it continued to the inside pages.

Donald Trump criticized President Obama for playing golf during the Ebola crisis. That crisis killed two people. Donald Trump promised during the 2016 election that he would be “too busy” to play golf. As it turns out now, he’s played more in three and a half years than Obama did in eight. He defended his golf playing last weekend in a rambling rant saying the media was making it sound like a “mortal sin” that he was going outside and  getting a “little exercise.” I’ve played golf. I don’t think it’s that much exercise to ride around in a golf cart. He doesn’t even walk to the green. He parks on it.

And then, Trump went on to attack President Obama for playing golf…after he had played golf. About the media’s scrutiny, Trump tweeted, “I knew this would happen!” Well, he should have known it was going to happen because he spent years attacking Obama for playing golf. What Donald Trump seems to miss was the criticism wasn’t over him playing golf. It was over him playing golf during this pandemic and as the death toll soared near 100,000. It’s hard to read between the lines if you’re incapable of even reading the lines.

About that death toll: During his golf-laden weekend at his own resort (where he got to once again charge the Secret Service for golf cart rentals), Trump spread a conspiracy theory accusing a TV news host of murder. He retweeted tweets that made fun of Nancy Pelosi’s “dentures,” that made cracks about Georgia’s Stacey Abrams “hitting every buffet” in that state,” and that called Hillary Clinton a “skank.” Do you know how many of Trump’s tweets mentioned the victims of the coronavirus? None. All his tweets were about him, skanks, Polident, and buffets. Do you remember when Trump promised after he was elected he’d be presidential? Trust me. He made that promise.

One of my colleagues, Steve Brodner, issued a challenge for American political cartoonists to draw Donald Trump teeing off on the front page of The New York Times. This is my offering.

I saw a Facebook post by a conservative MAGAt cartoonist who questioned this campaign. He wrote, “Can’t believe so many cartoonists doing someone else’s lame idea.” That guy kinda retired from drawing political cartoons, but that makes sense since he doesn’t get it’s not about one person’s lame idea. It’s a protest where the message is strengthened and made louder by the numbers involved. He gets there’s strength in numbers, right? He’s heard Trump’s lies about crowd sizes. I guess leaving a one-sentence criticism was a lot easier than actually thinking up and doing one defending his orange messiah.

I don’t know how large this campaign will become. So far, I’ve seen about 20 of these and you can see a bunch of them here at Steve’s Facebook page (again. Cartoonists. Get a website). There are some really great ones in that batch and I’m not referring to mine because my cartoon isn’t included.

I created the cartoon just for the social media campaign. I didn’t put a lot of thought into it. Afterward, I realized some of my clients might like it (one has already ran it) so I sent it to them. And since I didn’t realize it could be its own free-standing cartoon while I was doing it, I didn’t make a video of it. Sorry.

And since not everyone who reads me here follows me on social media, I figured I should go ahead and blog it.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Grandpa Trump’s Magik Elixir


CNN05242020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

As I wrote a few days ago, the only reason Donald Trump is pushing junk science is to be divisive. The man wants to divide Americans as much as possible. For some reason, he believes it benefits him. Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump.

He pushes medication that hasn’t been proven to help anyone. If anything, it’s proven to hurt people and even kill them. Donald Trump doesn’t care.

Donald Trump doesn’t want to be seen wearing a mask. He claims it’s to deny the image from reporters, which is childish. Reporters and the media didn’t create the mask narrative. They don’t own it. The truth is, Donald Trump likes politicizing the pandemic. He likes that his supporters are refusing to wear a mask because for them, it’s a political statement.

I wear a mask everytime I go out. When I do it, I don’t think I’m making a political statement. I’m proud to be a liberal and I stand on my positions and beliefs, but the mask isn’t a part of that. I wear the mask because the science community highly recommends it. I wear the mask to protect myself, but mostly to protect others. I wear the mask for the same reason I’ve been staying home which is to do my small part in protecting my nation and helping kill this virus. I also wear it not to be a selfish asshole to other people. It’s not a political statement to wear a mask.

When you don’t wear the mask, even if you’re not trying to make a political statement, you’re saying you’re a selfish asshole. You really are. And if you are wearing it to make a political statement, then you’re putting the health of others, including people you love, as risk for your politics. The majority of this nation is trying to kill this thing while the rest of you are keeping it alive.

Keep in mind, you’re following medical advice from a guy who believes in windmill cancer and asked about drinking bleach to kill a virus. You’re taking advice from a guy who spreads conspiracy theories. You’re taking medical advice from a man so out of shape, he’s afraid of stairs.

But then again, maybe Donald Trump is just trying to see what he can get away with. Maybe he’s bored because we know he’s not busy being president. Perhaps he’s trying to come up with the dumbest things to see what his base will support. He told them to use medication the medical community says can kill you. His base rallies to his defense. He told his base to “liberate” blue states. They held rallies. He encourages his base not to wear a mask and to gather in large groups and breathe on each other. Done. He fucking told them to drink household cleaning products.

Donald Trump is a carnival barker. He’s always been a con man. But con men need stupid people to succeed. Fortunately for Trump, there are plenty of those and they’re all Republicans.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.