Coronavirus

Fauci Pummels Paul


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You would think something like an international pandemic would be the sort of thing that unites us across political lines. And it has…in every country on the planet except this one. Here in the United States, it’s been politicized by the Right to attack the people who are working to save us, and cast them as villains.

The Right has made medical professionals, teachers, scientists, and most of all, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the bad guys throughout all of this. Dr. Anthony Fauci is the chief medical adviser on the coronavirus and director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Republicans have accused him of everything from creating mandates to shutting down businesses to murdering Beagles to creating the virus. No one has been more vile and despicable with this than Rand Paul. Every time Dr. Fauci has to testify before the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee.

In yesterday’s installment of Rand Paul’s lies and gaslighting, he accused Dr. Fauci of orchestrating a smear campaign against right-wing “academics” who opposed shutdown measures in 2020. This would be like Rand Paul laughing at Bozo the Clown’s hair. As it turns out, the emails Rand Paul was using to make his case only showed that Dr. Fauci sent colleagues a link to a Wired article debunking claims about reaching “herd immunity.”

Then, Dr. Fauci exposed Rand Paul for his attacks and raising campaign money off the pandemic.

Dr. Fauci said Rand Paul’s lies and attacks on him have endangered the lives of him and his family. Fauci pointed out the arrest of a California man in Iowa last month who police said was traveling to Washington with an AR-15 rifle and multiple magazines of ammunition. The man allegedly had a “hit list” including Fauci and several others, mostly Democratic politicians. Where do you think these people get this hatred?

A few months ago, I was in a bar on a late afternoon getting some street tacos when Dr. Fauci came on the television. The man sitting next to me started ranting about Dr. Fauci and told me the doctor was responsible for killing people and was a murderer. Yes, I called the man out, but more to the point, this gaslighting and villainization is dangerous. Most goons will be like that bar idiot, talking stupid shit he doesn’t even know anything about. But then there are the guys like the would-be assassin caught in Iowa. It’s not the first time someone was inspired by conspiracy theories to go to Washington, D.C. with a hit list. Hello? Remember Pizzagate? Do we not learn anything or do we just not care? Probably both.

Rand Paul doesn’t care if he endangers anybody’s life. This jerk roamed around the Capitol complex while waiting for the results of a COVID test. He risked infecting hundreds if not thousands of people.

Dr. Fauci brought photocopies of Rand Paul’s website and pointed out he was making money from his attacks on Fauci. The website contains a graphic saying “Fire Dr. Fauci” and Dr. Fauci pointed it, “a little box that says contribute here.”

Pointing out the details on the website, Fauci said to Rand Paul, “You can do $5, $10, $20, $100. So you are making a catastrophic epidemic for your political gain.”

Every time Fauci has to testify before this committee, Rand Paul uses it to raise his political profile with the MAGAt base. Most news outlets’ headlines on yesterday’s hearing focused on the real story, Fauci fighting back against Rand Paul. But Fox News’ headline says, “Rand Paul Rips Fauci.” Everything that goon in the taco bar knows about the coronavirus and Dr. Fauci that’s not GOP and Fox News bullshit, he learned from me.

Rand Paul responded saying it’s “disappointing for you to suggest that people who dare to question you are responsible somehow for violent threats.” Then, I’m not making this up, Rand Paul sent out another mass fundraising email with the headline, “Fauci is hysterical.”

Rand Paul said in a statement after the hearing that he was one of the lawmakers at the baseball practice in which Republican congressman Steve Scalise and others were shot in 2017. Reports showed the shooter was a Bernie fan, and Paul said, “I never once accused Senator Sanders of being responsible for the attack and I resent Fauci avoiding the question by ginning up the idea that his opponents are the cause of threats.” Except, Bernie Sanders never gaslighted or lied about Steve Scalise…if he’s ever said his name. Bernie Sanders never sent out mass fundraising emails containing debunked conspiracy theories accusing people of creating and weaponizing viruses. The Waterboy’s mama ginned up for more hate against a sport than Bernie Sanders ever has when she said, “Foosball is the devil.”

Also, the only person who said stuff that incited Rand Paul’s neighbor to kick his ass (true story) was Rand Paul. To be fair, if you lived next door to Rand Paul, you’d probably wanna kick his ass too.

Later in the hearing, Fauci was caught on his mic calling another Republican senator a “moron.”

Roger Marshall, a Republican senator from Kansas, cited a Forbes story reporting that Fauci is the highest-paid federal employee, earning $434,312 in 2020. Marshall told Dr. Fauci that he needed to disclose his personal finances to the public.

Fauci said, “I don’t understand why you’re asking me that question. “My financial disclosure is public knowledge and has been so for the last 37 years or so.”

Marshall claimed the “big tech giants” won’t let anyone see Fauci’s salary…even though the Forbes article is literally on the internet and came up on the first page of a Google search. There’s also an article in The Week, and another in the New York Post, and another on Yahoo, and another in the Daily Mail, and another in The Independent, etc, etc… Each of those articles were on the first page of my Google search. Despite all these articles, Senator Marshall said, “We’ll continue to look for it. Where would we find it?” Kansas has the internet, right?

Dr. Fauci told the Senator, “”All you have to do is ask for it. You’re so misinformed, it’s extraordinary.” And then, Dr. Fauci muttered, “What a moron. Jesus Christ.”

Marshall released a statement that calling him a “moron” didn’t change the facts about Fauci funding “gain-of-function.”
Yeah, calling Senator Roger Marshall a “moron” doesn’t change the fact that he is a moron.

If Senator Roger Marshall wants to get to the bottom of a public servant’s finances that were truly hidden, then he should have looked down the bench and questioned Rand Paul about his wife’s investment, $15,000, into the company that makes remdesivir, a drug made to treat COVID, and that they failed to report for a year and a half.
Marshall will probably never read that story because it’s on the internet.

And, they wonder why so many people want to assault them.

Music note: I didn’t listen to anything while drawing this one.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Urine Trouble


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The anti-vaxxers with the bogus cures are now promoting another bullshit treatment. But in this case, the bullshit is urine. Seriously.

Some of these idiots have ingested cleaning products made for fish tanks. Others on the advice of Donald Trump have shot bleach up their asses. Thousand upon thousands have taken medication that’s for livestock. Now, one of these hoaxers is telling us the cure is to drink urine. Wait. Not just any urine, I don’t think, but your own urine.

Christopher Key is an Alabama anti-vaxxer with an online cult following. He uses his website not just to rant against vaccines for the coronavirus, but to spread false information.

In the past, he told pharmacists that what they’re doing by giving out vaccinations are committing “crimes against humanity.” The same could be said for Key by spreading false information. Key said if the pharmacists “do not stand down immediately, then they could be executed.” He claims “they can be hung in the state.” Sure they can…and if they’re hung in Alabama, then they’re most likely hung in any other state they visit, but I’m not sure what that has to do with vaccinations.

Key went to a Missouri Walmart to harass people. Now I know there are Walmarts in Alabama, but he was invited by some fucknut crusade to a rally in Missouri.

Key has also sold deer antler spray for athletic injuries on his website. He’s also sold “concussion caps” to football players to avoid injuries. The caps are actually just beanies, which means he’s forcing football players to become hipsters. Ever see a guy wearing a beanie in August? That’s a hipster. It annoys me more than fuckers wearing face masks under their noses.

I saw a guy in Giant yesterday with his nose sticking out of his face mask. The dumbest part of this is that face masks are NOT required in Virginia. Why are people doing this when they don’t have to wear the face mask? It’s like putting the helmet on the back of your motorcycle. Look. There is it. We can all see it but it’s not where it’s going to help you.

Sorry. I digressed again.

Standing outside a Walmart, where we’ve all seen crazy people shouting at people, inanimate objects, and the sky, Christopher Key yelled at an employee, who was probably rounding up shopping carts, “If you allow one more shot in one more person’s body, you yourself will be executed in violation of the Nuremberg Code. We don’t want that to happen to any of you guys at all. We love you guys. We want to keep you safe.” Yeah, sure. Then he went to a Walgreens and a CVS to harass those employees. Seriously, if you’re going to protest anything at CVS, it’s them wanting your phone number to check you out. You don’t need my phone number to sell me a plunger. A plunger was the last thing I bought at a CVS, which was Christmas day, 2020.

And again, I digressed.

Key has also claimed that hospitals are putting people in comas and on ventilators just for having a common cold. At the Missouri event, the lunatic organizers used fog machines as part of their presentation and Key initially thought it was an anthrax outbreak.

In December, claiming he’s the “vaccine police,” Key threatened to go to Louisiana and arrest Governor John Bel Edwards for vaccinating children in the state.

Key said, “I am the vaccine police,” which has less legitimacy than when Beavis shouts, “I am Cornholio.”

He claimed, “We have shut down pharmacists. We have shut down boards of education. And we will be arresting the governor of Louisiana on February the 7th if he does not stand down and not vaccinate the children of Louisiana.” I’m going to tell Alexa to remind me to check on this on February 7. Maybe he’ll do it…if he’s not in jail. More on that in a minute. Key has been on a cross-country tour with a flamethrower to arrest other Democratic governors.

Do flamethrowers fall under gun laws? Is it legal to sell an insane person a flamethrower? It’s probably legal in Alabama.

Key said he would conduct the arrest “out of love,” because “they are trying to start a civil war” and “coming for our children.” Yeah, coming to save children who have fuck-head parents.

Key said the cure to the coronavirus is to drink your own urine. He brought us this revelation straight from jail, where most new medical breakthroughs are known to occur. Listen, Christopher, I don’t care if you like the toilet wine but drinking your own pee isn’t a cure except for maybe fresh breath. Opposite of Mentos, urine is the unfreshmaker.

So, why was Key in jail? He was arrested for trespassing at a Birmingham Whole Foods for refusing to leave because he wouldn’t wear a face mask. I know it’s shocking. There’s a Whole Foods in Alabama? In court, Keys told the poor bastard the court appointed to be his attorney, “I’m not insane.” Sure, he’s not insane, and did I mention the flamethrower?

Immediately after getting out of jail from the whole Whole Foods incident, he told his followers to drink their own urine.

I have some questions. For this pee cure to work, is it mandatory that the pee you drink must be your own? I mean, what if it’s a friend’s pee? Is it a DNA thing? If so, can you drink your sibling’s pee? What if the pee is from a Russian hooker? Can your pee be mixed with other people’s pee? If bullies give you a swirlie, can you count that as immunity? If it’s not your own pee, are you doing it wrong?

Key said, “The antidote that we have seen now, and we have tons and tons of research, is urine therapy.” Yeah, you need to be in therapy. He also said, “I know to a lot of you this sounds crazy, but guys, God’s given us everything we need.” Yes, God has given us our pee…and flamethrowers.

When reached for further comments, because we really need to hear more of this, he said “This vaccine is the worst bioweapon I have ever seen. I drink my own urine!”

I guarantee that the type of person who follows this advice will be sitting next to me the next time I’m on a bus.

Someone really needs to put the urine-drinking flamethrower guy, not into jail, but into an asylum. Don’t do it out of hate. Do it out of love.

Cheers!

Music note: I listened to Stone Temple Pilots while drawing today’s cartoon. I turned on the music when I started drawing the grass because when you do stuff like that takes a lot of patience, it helps to zone out. I got through the entire Core album while drawing the grass, and then I started on Purple.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Big Bird Attacked By Big Turd


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Senator and above-ground CHUD Ted Cruz has now attacked Big Bird for assuring children they don’t have to be afraid of the vaccines for the coronavirus.

After American six-year-olds, became eligible for the Pfizer-BioNTech coronavirus vaccine last week, Big Bird did a public service announcement to comfort children and to promote vaccine awareness. Big Bird got his vaccination and tweeted, “My wing is feeling a little sore, but it’ll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy.”

President Biden replied to Big Bird and tweeted, “Good on ya’, Big Bird. Getting vaccinated is the best way to keep your whole neighborhood safe.”

This is just a lot of fun while being also educational about the vaccine. This PSA can actually save lives and help us defeat the pandemic. Enter Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz is worse than Philadelphia Eagles fans who once booed Santa Claus. Ted Cruz went after Big Bird. Ted tweeted, “Government propaganda … for your 5-year-old!” No, you idiot. It’s for six-year-olds. Maybe we need to do another PSA just for Republican senators. Didn’t a Republican win an election last week by claiming he’s the “education candidate?”

Ted later sent out another Big Bird-hater tweet with a video of him kicking a door in. Nice. I thought Ted Cruz approved of the Gestapo.

A couple weeks ago, Ted Cruz defended people giving the Heil salute. You know who gives that salute. Nazis. Ted Cruz defends Nazis and attacks Big Bird. But what else would you expect from a guy who worships a cult figure who called his wife, Heidi, “ugly.”

Because Republicans are in a race to prove who can be the vilest, Lisa Boothe, a Fox News contributor I have never heard of before, tweeted, “Brainwashing children who are not at risk from covid” was “twisted.” I don’t know why she used three quotation marks. I quote them without editing their fuckups. Maybe we need a PSA for Fox News contributors.

Arizona state Senator Wendy Rogers, a pro-Trump Republican, tweeted, “Big Bird is a communist.” That’s funny from someone who defends white nationalists.

Tennessee Republican congressional candidate Robby Starbuck suggested that Big Bird could die from the vaccine. “*7 days later* Big blood clot Bird is served!” It’s fun to go after a beloved character from a children’s program and spread disinformation. It’s fun to tell children, “Big Bird’s going to die!!!!” Starbucks should sue to force him to change his name. Nazi-lovers sharing your name is not good for business. Nobody except Republicans would buy from Nazi Starbucks.

This is not the first time the government has used public figures, real and imaginary, to advocate for vaccines. In the past, vaccinations were advocated in PSAs by Elvis, Muhammad Ali, C3PO, RD-D2, and even Big Bird back in the 70s. I’m not aware of conservatives being upset back then, though they did like attacking Muhammad Ali, you know, because he’s black and they couldn’t ever find a white guy who could beat him up. Personally, I’d like to see Ted Cruz go ten rounds with Big Bird. My money’s on the bird.

This isn’t the first time Republicans have called for the head of Big Bird. In 2012, while saying he loved Big Bird during a presidential debate with President Obama, Mitt Romney promised to kill Big Bird. During the Trump administration, the orange one tried to kill the yellow one every year he was in office. Again, the education candidates want to kill education. Trump’s Education Secretary, whose ideas for public education are being copied by Virginia’s new governor-elect, was worried about children being attacked in public schools by bears and Big Bird. I mean, Ted Cruz has already told us Big Bird can kick down doors. Elmo’s probably an evil samurai. The Count probably counted illegal votes for Biden. And a one, ah ah ah. And Oscar the Grouch? He’s grouchy and lives in garbage, so they probably love him.

So many people voted for Glenn Youngkin last week over frustration that schools were closed and their kids had to be taught at home. Yet, Republicans are attacking vaccinating kids, which will help keep schools open. Do we need another PSA?

I think there should be a public service announcement with Santa Claus, that way we can Ted Cruz starting a fight with Santa.

There should also be public service announcements stating:
Don’t watch Fox News.
Trump lost.
Republicans are liars.
There are no public schools in this nation teaching Critical Race Theory.
Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer.

Why are Republicans constantly trying to make this nation a worse place? I really do wish Big Bird would kick Ted Cruz’s ass.

Someone on Twitter posing as Big Bird did send a tweet to Ted saying, “Ted Cruz can’t tell you how to get to Sesame Street, but he can tell you how to get to Cancun.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Your Body My Choice


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The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued an urgent recommendation Wednesday for pregnant women and those who have recently given birth to get vaccinated against coronavirus. This will surely piss off Republicans.

The CDC reports that as of September 27, 2021, more than 125,000 laboratory-confirmed COVID-19 cases have been reported in pregnant people, including more than 22,000 hospitalized cases and 161 deaths. Last August, at least 22 pregnant women died from the coronavirus. Their babies died too. How many so-called “right-to-life” Republicans have you heard wailing about that?

Studies have indicated that vaccines for both the flu and coronavirus are not harmful to the mother or her baby and in fact, some antibodies are transferred from mom to baby. But of course, Republicans don’t really care about you, the mom, the baby, or anyone’s life except their own.

While Republicans are screaming that the government and Democrats are trying to control everyone’s body with vaccine mandates, they’re fighting to mandate that no woman get an abortion. They claim it’s your body to do what you want with it, even if your body hurts other people’s bodies, but a woman can’t have a say with her body. You only think that’s confusing and hypocritical because it is. This just in: Republicans suck.

Here’s the thing, kiddos: Republicans don’t really care about choice when it comes to the vaccines. They don’t care if it kills you or your family. In fact, they want you to die. Why? Because they want the Biden administration to fail. If you die and the economy is destroyed, that’s bad for the country but Republicans believe that’s great politics. The longer this virus remains out of control, the more it hurts Democrats. Look what Republicans are doing in Congress with the budget. Failing to raise the debt ceiling can create a brand new recession and destroy the economy and Mitch McConnell’s all like, “Well, Democrats better raise it then.”

Why do I think Republicans don’t care if the virus kills you? Republicans and Donald Trump sat back and watched the virus kill over 700,000 Americans. Donald Trump didn’t care about the coronavirus until he caught the coronavirus. Did you see how fast he waddled to that helicopter to get him to the hospital? They didn’t care if it killed people while Trump was in office, so why would they care if it kills people while a Democrat is in the White House?

For Trump, Brett Kavanaugh, or dumbass conspiracy theorist Ben Garrison, too bad there’s not a vaccine for karma, baby.

Now, if Donald Trump was still president (sic), BRRRRR….I just got a chill throughout my entire body. But if Trump was still in the White House….BRRRR…there it goes again. If the other guy was still in charge…BRRRRR stop it!…Republicans would be chasing you down to get the vaccine. Some are still trying to label the vaccine the “Trump Vaccine,” which is an insult to science coming from Captain Combover Hydroxychloroquine. Even now, they’re praising Trump for the vaccine while denigrating the vaccine. Thank you Donald Trump for giving us this horrible thing.

Now, with the CDC advising, not mandating, that women who are preggers get the vaccine, that gives anti-science Taliban Republicans three things to hate. They hate the CDC, they hate the vaccine, and they hate women. They especially hate women making decisions that don’t involve them. Republicans want women barefoot, pregnant, seen and not heard, and as ignorant and stupid about current events and science as they are. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about reconciliation. Isn’t Dancing With The Stars on?

In Texas, where they’ve outlawed abortions and created bounty hunter laws for people to go after abortion providers, they’ve made it legal for someone to sue over an abortion who doesn’t have anything to do with that abortion. There is currently a lawsuit pending in Texas where a guy in a different state, who has never met the woman or doctor, is suing for damages. This guy is not damaged…I mean, yeah, he’s probably all sorts of damaged being from Arkansas and all, but not from this shit. It wasn’t his baby, his doctor, or even his state.

Republicans don’t think you can sue a tobacco company that sold you toxic chemicals to inhale into your lungs, but you can sue a doctor 4,000 miles away in another state for giving an abortion to a woman you’ve never known or touched. And we know you haven’t touched a lot of women because you’re a Republican.

But that’s the Republicans’ playbook. They want to eliminate your decisions regarding your body when it doesn’t have anything to do with them. Now in Texas, they’ve outlawed a woman making choices for her body while making it legal for complete male strangers to control their bodies. And the male majority Supreme Court is saying, “Yeah, OK.”

I’m sure some Republicans will create new conspiracy theories about pregnant women getting vaccinations, like it’ll make goat-head babies. That would be ba’aaaaaad.

But Republicans only care about your baby while it’s in the womb. They only want it born because mass shooters gotta shoot somebody at schools so Alex Jones can later say it never happened.

For Republicans, it’s your body, their choice…or some weird stranger in Arkansas.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Benjy’s Bleachy Butt


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Ben Garrison has self-diagnosed he has the coronavirus.

I hope Benjy gets through this OK, whether it’s truly COVID or just a bad case of the Montana sniffles. But, I think it’s fair to mock and ridicule him because it’s karma. It’s fair like that time Donald Trump played down the pandemic, treated it like a hoax, told lies about it, did nothing for the longest time which enabled the virus to kill more people than it should have, disregarded CDC guidelines, then caught COVID, and went crying to the hospital in a helicopter to receive treatment nobody else could get. Karma.

While I don’t wish bad things on anyone, I do think it’s OK to give them a Nelson Muntz HA-HA when they took part in spreading conspiracy theories and misinformation that kills people…and continues to do so. We would have defeated this virus months ago if it wasn’t for people like Ben Garrison.

In case you need a refresher and you’re asking, “Who’s Ben Garrison, ” I’ll sum up.

Ben Garrison is a fucking lunatic. He’s racist. He’s antiSemitic (so antiSemitic, he was invited then disinvited from a racist summit at Trump’s White House. He’s so hateful, Trump couldn’t be seen with him). He’s a hater. He’s a MAGA cultist. And…he thinks he’s a political cartoonist. He’s not a political cartoonist. He is a propagandist.

Political cartooning is a type of journalism. While it is opinion, the practitioners are to abide by the generally accepted ethics of journalism. You’re not on a high horse or working with a better-than-thou attitude to say you follow ethical guidelines. They’re rules. If you play baseball, you’re not on a high-horse by demanding four strikes instead of three. You’re just playing by the rules. Though, I must admit I’m seeing a lot more disregard for the rules in this business and quite frankly, it seems people and news outlets aren’t caring as much.

But one thing you’re not supposed to do is make stuff up. There is a fine line with satire as you are putting words in people’s mouths, but you’re basing it on something. You know Trump doesn’t walk around with a sippy cup with shit I write on it, but you do know he’s a baby who needs two hands to pick up a cup. See what I do there? I base it on something. Now, right-wing Trump-supporting cartoonists are basing their opinions on total and complete bullshit.

A lot of cartoonists are like columnists and TV pundits. They only mention what helps their argument, or hurts someone else’s, while leaving stuff out that hurts their position. But, they’re still basing what they say on facts. This is spin.

Conservative cartoonists like Scott Stantis, Steve Breen, and Nate Beeler are journalists. They rely on facts so much, they’re becoming moderate conservatives. I’ve seen all three of these cartoonists take on Trump, The Big Lie, and promote vaccines and CDC guidelines while also criticizing President Biden. I don’t have an issue with people I disagree with. Cartoonists have a tradition of shouting at each other while drinking together. In the past, we all got along for the most part. I recall very few political arguments at cartoonist conventions. But even then, we usually enjoy arguing with each other. Politics never got in the way of us getting along. Maybe personalities did, but nobody cared that Michael Ramirez always wore a Nixon pin to the conventions.

There are a few others who kinda straddle the line a bit. It’s like they take advantage of Trumplican bullshit, like advocating for bogus election laws and carrying the mantra of “election integrity” while not saying the election was stolen or Biden didn’t win.

The cartoonists I take issue with are the ones who lie and base their stuff on lies that have been debunked. There are a few who do this but Garrison is the worst…or the best at it. The cartoonists I take issue with are the ones who aren’t real cartoonists, like Ben Garrison.

Garrison’s cartoons are hilarious because he makes Trump look like Superman. He has a surfer body and his hair is only a little crazy. But, Ben lies. He makes stuff up and worships at the altar of Trump. If Trumps says it, it’s a fact. Ben is also extremely racist and antiSemitic.

But since the vaccine came out, Garrison been on a campaign against it. He claims it’s being used by the government to control and censor. He’s compared it to 1984 which he obviously didn’t read. He’s blamed Soros, Bill Gates, Deep State, and Jews. He’s even claimed microchips to track us are in the vaccine. He’s pushed Trump’s bogus cures and other lies. He’s drawing daily telling people not to get the vax and to just take horse de-wormer.

Now, he himself has covid, as reported by Gizmodo.

Ben has diagnosed himself and his wife as having COVID. I hope his wife can escape while Ben is sleeping or distracted by Newsmax, climbs out the bathroom window to go to a hospital (not a livestock hospital) to be diagnosed by an actual doctor.

Ben claims he went to dinner at a restaurant, where they probably don’t sell a lot of salads, with his wife and friends and the next day, they all had COVID. He will not go to a hospital, says he lost 15 pounds, and is treating it with Ivermectin, zinc, and by drinking a lot of beetroot juice. None of that cures COVID and the Ivermectin has been blamed for several deaths. But BenBen is undeterred from his bogus cure and remains anti-science. But maybe he’ll panic after he starts pooping red from the beetroot juice, and goes to a hospital.

When Gizmodo asked Garrison if he was vaccinated, he replied, “We will never take their foul spike protein-producing jabs, which are neither safe nor effective. They’re not real vaccines. They’re gene therapy.” I’m feeling a bit spent so feel free to take it upon yourself to analyze Ben’s reasoning there.

And that’s why it’s OK to mock him. If Ben had gotten the vaccine, worn a face mask, and practiced social distancing, maybe he wouldn’t have contracted the virus. And if his wife had married someone who’s not a fucknut, she would probably still be able to taste pork chops. But even if they did get the vaccine and still caught COVID, the Garrisons wouldn’t still be struggling two weeks later with a loss of taste, smell, and appetite while sucking down beetroot juice and horse pills.

When you have a position that’s given you followers, and you tell your followers misinformation and endanger their lives, then you should be ridiculed when karma strikes. If Ben’s going to use his position to lie to people, then I’m going to use mine to call out his lies. Is my cartoon cruel and bad form? Why, yes it is. But it’s also performing a public service.

I’m using my position and ability to satire to show readers that people like Ben are snake oil salesmen and to see what their preaching did for them. If anything, my ridiculing Garrison may educate someone and they’ll get the message not to take medical advice from a Jew-hater taking a Clorox colonoscopy.

OK, they’re Trumpers so they’re probably not listening to me. You can lead a horse to take Ivermectin for COVID, but you can’t make him think.

Ben, I hope you and your wife get well. Sincerely, I don’t wish you harm. I want to mock and ridicule you again in the future. P.S. Biden won.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vax That Salad


Cjones09252021

I had a stop-the-presses moment last night.

Like I do every day, I had jotted down potential topics to cartoon about. Some of the topics are heavy subjects, like immigration, the debt ceiling, Texas abortion, missing indigenous people and Gabby Petito, Haiti, Trump’s lawsuits, etc, etc. As I said before, I like to have a definite idea (not just a concept) for my next cartoon before going to bed. I will toss and turn all night and have nightmares of crosshatching if I don’t. Seriously, I have dreams of crosshatching.

Around 11:00 P.M, I heard the news about disgraced scumbag General and former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. This guy is a piece of work. But, my gears went into motion for a Flynn cartoon. I wrote down three ideas and was giggling with each of them. I cracked open a Blue Moon while amusing myself and kept writing, self-editing, more writing, another Blue Moon, and then at 2:00 A.M, I said to myself, “Oh my god, it’s 2:00 A.M.” I knew I had my idea and I should get some sleep. The debt ceiling can wait. Michael Flynn said something stupid.

Flynn was forced into retirement from the military and there are rumors this is because he’s a raving lunatic. President Obama knew Flynn was a liar and had him removed from his position as Assistant Director of National Intelligence. During Flynn’s tenure, he became the first official from the United States invited into the Russian Military Intelligence headquarters in Moscow, which was seriously frowned upon by our government. He attempted a second visit which was thwarted. Then, he tried to get Russian intelligence officials inside the headquarters for the Central Intelligence Agency, which was knocked down by James Clapper, the Director of National Intelligence. There was concern, and it was reported by other officials that Flynn may have been compromised by the Russians. Ya’ think?

After he was fired, he was paid to speak at a Moscow event where he shared a table with Vladimir Putin. He later argued that Russia didn’t pay him. They paid his agent who then paid him. It’s that kind of logic that’ll get you a high-ranking position with the Trump administration…that and being compromised by the Russians.

President Obama advised Donald Trump NOT to hire Michael Flynn, probably because he’s compromised by the Russians. So naturally, Trump hired Michael Flynn as his National Security Adviser, and once again, proving President Obama is much smarter than he is. Flynn didn’t last a month as he had to be fired, supposedly for lying to the vice-president (sic) over his communications with…take a guess…Russians.

Later, he struck a plea-bargain admitting guilt in lying to the FBI which he later recanted probably because he knew he’d get a Trump pardon. Trump’s Justice Department tried to drop the case that Robert Mueller has already sent to the courts. Later, Donald Trump pardoned Flynn.

Then, Flynn took an oath pledging loyalty to Qanon which supersedes the oath he took swearing loyalty and to protect the United States and Constitution. In the aftermath of Trump losing the election, Flynn, and the attorney they shared, conspiracy theorist Sidney Powell, met with Trump in the Oval Office and suggested he suspend the Constitution, silence the press (people like me), declare martial law, and use the military to conduct a new election. Remember, this fucker took an oath to defend our nation and the Constitution and he’s in the Oval freaking Office, after being compromised by Russians and lying to the FBI, advocating the president (sic) suspend the Constitution and overthrow an election with a military coup. Go to Hell, Michael Flynn.

After Trump left the White House, because he lost the election to President Biden by seven million votes, Flynn voiced support for a “Myanmar-style coup” to restore Trump to power. Then, he got banned from Twitter for life.

Like all Trump supporters, and Trump himself, Michael Flynn was never about loyalty to the United States, patriotism, democracy, the Constitution, or free elections. Remember when we all shared those same principles, no matter our party affiliation? Turns out during all those years, Republicans were lying. Reinstating, or putting anybody in the White House without winning an election is un-American (except you, Gerald Ford, but that was a technicality). Even spreading the Big Lie is un-American.

That was just a brief summary of the lunacy, criminality, and sedition of Michael Flynn. There’s much more. Oh, so much more. There’s a lot about his denial and theories of the coronavirus and vaccines. He’s claimed in the past that the coronavirus is a hoax, was used to destroy Trump and to control us, and that you need a vaccine passport to travel. Now, he should know that’s a lie because he’s been traveling all over the country to speak at lunatic conventions about how you need a vaccine passport to travel. And last night, he supported a brand new conspiracy theory that the vaccine is being hidden in food, specifically salad dressing.

As a reader of mine already pointed out on the posting of this cartoon on Facebook, that dressing would Russian.

Appearing on some internet conspiracy show, Flynn said, “Somebody sent me a thing this morning where they’re talking about putting the vaccine into salad dressing. Or salads. Have you seen this? I mean it’s—and I’m thinking to myself, this is the Bizarro World, right? This is definitely the Bizarro World. … These people are seriously thinking about how to impose their will on us in our society, and it has to stop.” Really, Michael? A “thing?” I got a thing for ya’, you lying disgusting betraying traitor.

What is bizarre is Flynn was actually our National Security Adviser for 24 days. No, not the 24-days part.

There is a study by the University of California researching how vaccines could be grown in food, like plants (in case you’re a Republican, plants are what most salads consist of), so people could ingest their vaccines instead of being jabbed. But this is for the future, not now, and not to trick people. It probably won’t even be for COVID because hopefully, and if idiots like Flynn could stop getting in the way of it, COVID won’t exist anymore by the time we get edible vax.

There are people researching time travel and I know for a fact that doesn’t exist yet because if it did, Donald Trump never would have been president and we’d all be saying, “Michael Flynn who?”. Researching something doesn’t mean we have it. Wilbur and Orville had to research flight before they could actually fly. They didn’t just suddenly put a pair of wings on a bicycle and go, “Wheeee!”

I also know the government isn’t hiding vaccines to the coronavirus in salads. How do I know this? Because if the deep-state government people were hiding the vaccine to trick Trump cultists and Republicans, they wouldn’t be hiding it in salads. That wouldn’t help us stop the virus at all.

How do you trick a dog to eat a pill? You wrap the pill in cheese or peanut butter. You don’t put the pill inside cauliflower. You want the dog to eat it, not just look at with a quizzical expression. And if you give a dog cauliflower, he might run away. I would.

So Michael Flynn is trying to suggest the vaccine is hidden in a patch of arugula? Why didn’t he just claim it’s in sushi? We’d never get the vaccine inside them if they have to learn how to use chopsticks. Fork that!

But, Republicans aren’t eating a lot of vegetables. Look at Trump. He’s never eaten a salad in his life. He thinks the five food groups are, KFC, Big Macs, ketchup, hot dogs, and Arby’s. George H.W. Bush took an official presidential position against broccoli. The entire Republican Party freaked out when First Lady Michelle Obama tried to introduce more salads to America’s schoolchildren. No, if are going to hide the vaccine to trick Republicans, which will be easier than getting dogs to eat cheese, we’ll hide it in some shit they’ll actually eat.

Let’s start with Chick-fil-a. If nothing else, we can scare them from eating there and helping Chick-fil-a finance homophobic hate groups.

Here’s the plan, folks: We hide the vaccine in food the Chick-fil-a menu. We put that shit in their nuggets, their chicken sandwiches, their waffle fries. We’ll even put it in the lemonade. Chick-fil-a has salads but like the ones at McDonalds, I’m sure they’re just for show. Who the fuck goes to McDonalds to eat a salad?

Now, on Sundays, since Chick-fil-a is closed because they’re religious zealots, we’ll hide the vax in food at Cracker Barrel and Cheesecake Factory. Although we’re not actually doing any of this, let’s just say we are…and spread the word.

We, here at Deep-State Incorporated, in conjunction with our reptilian people baby-eating brethren, by praying to Satan, have also created an inhalable vaccine. We’re putting that in MyPillows.

Spread the word.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Swollen Testicles


Cjones09202021

I have a cartooning colleague who has some views on the coronavirus you should not trust. It’s not what you think. He’s pro-vaccine and maybe pro-face mask. But now he’s telling people that hand sanitizer doesn’t work against the coronavirus. He claims he caught COVID about three months before anyone else in this country caught it. And after being fully vaxxed, he slithered into a Walgreens, didn’t tell them he was already fully vaxxed, and got a booster before the CDC advised for it.

I have another cartooning colleague who is anti-face masks, anti-vaccine, anti-social distancing, claims the government is using all of it to control you and the virus was a hoax. He claims it’s no worse than the flu and the number of deaths are fabricated. He claims he tested positive for COVID antibodies and like Rand Paul, he’s now immune…forever. He calls people who wear face masks “sheeple” and cowards and mocks them for being afraid to leave their homes without a facemask, even though he’s afraid to leave his home without an assault rifle.

Do you know what both of these cartoonists, one being a liberal socialist and the other being a Nazi-supporting white supremacist, have in common other than being cartoonists? They’re not scientists or doctors. You should not believe what they say without fact-checking it. Even though anything I post has been confirmed by scientists, you should not blindly trust me. Go behind me and fact-check what I say. Why? Because I’m not a doctor or a scientists either. One of my best friends is a physicist and I can’t tell you what he does for a living even though he’s told me a thousand times. I am not a scientist and that, you do not have to fact-check.

Even though cartoonists are supposed to base their work on facts and real information (too many cartoonists are NOT doing that anymore), you still can’t totally trust a cartoonist for your science. Last week, I saw a cartoon blaming natural disasters on God’s wrath over our woke culture. It’s not global warming, it’s trans athletes in little girls’ bathrooms. Granted, that guy’s a climate-change denying fundamentalist zealot lunatic, but still…trust scientists.

Don’t trust cartoonists. Don’t trust stupid Republican senators who are self-certified eye doctors and not immunologists or virus experts. And, don’t trust pop singers.

Nicki Minaj is a very famous pop singer even though I can’t name one of her songs (except for the one with Lonely Island, “The Creep”). Minaj, who is from Trinidad (in case you’re a Republican, Trinidad is an entirely different country and not some girl named Trini’s daddy) is refusing to be vaccinated and says her cousin in Trinidad is also refusing to be vaccinated because a friend of hers got the vaccine and it made him impotent with swollen testicles. Rose McGowan, another anti-vaxxer celebrity, is backing Nicki’s claim about her cousin’s friend in Trinidad.

Did you have a friend when you were a teen, or maybe you were the friend, that claimed he had a girlfriend but she went to a different school? Maybe you or that friend claimed the never-seen girlfriend was in Canada. The cool thing about doing that to defend yourself from dreaded accusations of virginity is that nobody can prove you’re lying. Nobody can fact-check it because nobody ever goes to Canada. Hell, it may not even exist. All those photos and videos of Canada were created in the same studio they faked the moon landing in. But, you can’t put it down as certifiable fact that this person claiming he has a girlfriend elsewhere is definitely telling you the truth and not lying his virgin ass off. By the way, my high school girlfriend lives on the moon. Good luck debunking that, fuckers.

But ya’ know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking Tucker Carlson was that guy back when he was a student at a fancy-schmancy pants prep school. Tucker got kicked out of a Swiss prep school, probably for being too white, and I bet when he resumed studies at a U.S. prep school, he claimed to have left a girlfriend back in Switzerland. I’ve seen photos of Swiss women and I’ve seen photos of Tucker. Trust me: Tucker never had a Swiss girlfriend. If someone shows you a photo of their girlfriend, and it’s on a box of hot chocolate, she’s probably not real.

I’m not just basing this speculation that Tucker had an imaginary cartoon girlfriend when he was in prep school on how Tucker looks, his punchable face, or how feeble and undesirable he is. I base this on the fact Tucker took Nicki’s claim and spread it.

Tucker Carlson reported Nicki’s claims…and then shockingly, he made a correction. What he corrected was his initial reporting that it was Nicki’s cousin who has a big-ball crisis, and not her friend’s balls. I’m glad he cleared that up. Tucker wants to get in touch (hopefully, not literally) with Nicki’s cousin’s friend so he can fly down to Trinidad to get the full scoop on the swollen nuts. It will be the first time testicles were ever interviewed by a dick. Hey, Tucks….as the great Tallahassee said in Zombieland, “Nut up or shut up.”

This has gotten so crazy that Dr. Anthony Fauci and the health Minister of Trinidad have had to debunk it. And Dr. Fauci has much more important things to do, like debunking stupid shit Rand Paul says and refraining himself from leaping over a table and kicking his ass as though he was his next door neighbor. I have been fully vaccinated and I can assure you that my testicles…wait a minute…mmmhmmm….yeah…OK. I just checked and they’re still fine. No, Tucker can’t inspect them.

The worst thing about ballgate might that someone with a primetime cable news show on a supposed news outlet is pushing unverified claims as fact. Even if you do have a talk show on a news channel that specializes in opinion, you’re still supposed to be a journalist. You’re still supposed to abide by the ethics of journalism. The ethics of journalism prevents most journalists from spreading misinformation on stolen elections, horse de-wormer, or third-person claims without verification, like Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen balls.

Keep in mind, Tucker is in that same right-wing crowd that cast aspersions on actual news outlet’s use of anonymous sources. Before Tucker supports and helps spread this wild claims, he should make a trip to fondle some Trinidadian balls.

Tucker is spreading this unverified story for one of two reasons: He is desperate for anything to debunk COVID vaccines or…he really wants to touch some balls.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Mandates. Yes, Please


Cjones09132021

President Joe Biden is getting tougher. On Thursday, President Biden said to the nation, “We have the tools to combat COVID-19, and a distinct minority of Americans, supported by a distinct minority of elected officials, are keeping us from turning the corner. These pandemic politics, as I refer to it, are making people sick, causing unvaccinated people to die.”

Now, the anti-vaxxers are going to triple down on playing the persecuted victims, because white conservatives are the most persecuted people in world history…and if you don’t believe me, ask one of them. What I respect about this is that President Biden admonished the unvaccinated fucknuts while his polls are dropping. He’s not playing politics with this. He’s doing what’s best for the nation, even though half the nation is going to boo-hoo their asses off over it.

Think about this: If this wasn’t to help the nation, why else would President Biden want to do this? Don’t give me that bullshit about him wanting to enact big government and control capitalism…or destroy capitalism. Don’t sell that fascist line after you spent four years supporting a fascist. But why would President Biden want do something that’s going to hurt him politically? Why would Biden want to hand Republicans a huge gift like this of a talking point if he wasn’t truly trying to save this nation?

On top of blaming the idiots for this, where the blame truly does belong, he mandated every business in the nation with more than 100 employees require their workers to be vaccinated or undergo weekly testing. Republicans are livid and vowing to fight this in the courts.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott called it “an assault on private businesses.”

South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster said Biden had “declared war against capitalism” and promised to “fight them to the gates of hell to protect the liberty and livelihood of every South Carolinian.” Yeah, sure.

The Federalist, a right-wing online publication for yee-haw douchey-doos, called it a “fascist move.” If the “Fascist Move” was a dance, it’d be all the rage at Mar-a-Lago.

J.D. Vance is a fucknut running for one of Ohio’s senate seats and he called for “mass civil disobedience,” urging Americans to refuse to comply with any new requirement or to pay any subsequent fine. Yeah, don’t listen to that guy.

It gets more extreme. Josh Mandel, another goose-stepping douche canoe running for that Ohio senate seat, warned that President Biden will send the Gestapo to enforce his order. I’d rather vote for Howie Mandel. At least he’s not a Nazi accusing other people of being Nazis.

But here’s the thing, kiddos: President Biden doesn’t need the Gestapo (sic). No, because big businesses is saying, “Yes, please.”

The fact is, this pandemic is hurting businesses. It’s been hurting them since the start of this pandemic. The economy is in a recovery mode now (partly thanks to Trump being defeated at the polls), but it’s a slow recovering. The pace would pick up greatly if more Americans would get vaccinated. Everyone fighting vaccinations and politicizing this is waging war, not just on Democrats and liberals, but on America. Every business owner, large and small, knows this pandemic is what hurt them. Wall Street knows it. Every bar and restaurant knows it.

Companies want their employees to be vaccinated. They want to mandate they do so and some companies have. But, other companies have resisted out of the fear some workers will quit and go to another company without a vaccine mandate. Now, President Biden has eliminated that concern for them. President Biden, in an act of leadership, is being the bad guy for America’s businesses. They now get to say, “Don’t blame me. Blame the president” while actually being giddy as shit this is going down.

An employee can quit over these mandates, but where’s he going to go? He can’t even drive Uber without getting the vax. He can’t collect unemployment either.

This will be taken to court with one argument being that the president can’t force people to receive vaccines. But, he’s not. If you work for a large company and don’t want to get the vaccine because Tucker (who has been vaccinated) told you not to, then you don’t have to. Just take a COVID test each week. I’m sure that’ll be fun and you can still claim you’re owning the libs.

President Biden has ordered the Labor Department to write an emergency rule requiring employers with more than 100 workers to demand weekly tests or proof of vaccination. Violations are punishable with fines up to $14,000 each. Ha! Ha! What gives President Biden the authority to do this? Congress gave it to him.

In 1970, Congress gave the Labor Department’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) authority to write regulations governing workplace safety, including emergency standards that are valid for six months. I’m sure some courts will strike it down and it’ll go back and forth, but how is not spreading a deadly virus at work not a workplace safety issue?

The other thing is, the government already does mandate vaccines. There are multiple vaccines required for attending public school. Did you attend public school? Then guess what, fucker. You got vaccinated against all sorts of nasty shit, whether you wanted it or not. And as I recall, I did not want it because I was a little chickenshit child deathly afraid of needles. I didn’t even think about what was in it or even what it was for. I don’t recall all of them, but I do recall being an elementary student in Elgin, Illinois standing in line for a shot and letting each kid behind me go in line before me. I was breaking in line backwards until I got caught.

And if I recall correctly, the needles used to vaccinate me as a child looked like harpoons used by whalers.

Republicans need to get the hell out of the way and help the rest of us save this nation. And why are Republicans opposing big business on this? The GOP is the big business party. They gave them all massive permanent tax cuts under Donald Trump. And it was Trump who hurt the economy by playing down, under his own admission, and politicizing the pandemic.

The Republicans gave up being the party that supports the troops, veterans, police, being anti-terrorist, anti-Russia, and being the party of family values. What are they going to give up next? Divorces?

Sure thing, Republicans. Stop being the party that supports capitalism. While you’re at it, why don’t you stop being the party of racism, sexism, and against free elections? How about you stop being the party that spreads lies and conspiracy theories? Or best of all, just stop being a fucking cult.

President Biden is being a leader. He’s doing something half the country will rip him apart for, and he knows it. The Republicans are going to excoriate the president over this. They will win a lot of independents who will see this as an overreaching move by Biden and big government. They could possibly bring him down with this.

And all the while, the president will be saving the country.

Note: I’ve been trying to cut down on my cursing in the blog. But every time, fucking Republicans.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Fun With Fake Tucker


Cjones09072021

Facts aren’t things used on Fox News, at least not during prime time. That is a fact. Another fact is that Tucker Carlson cannot decide what is and isn’t legal. Tucker Carlson can tell you what he thinks should be legal and not legal, like we all do. But, Tucker can’t tell you something is not a crime when it is.

Producing, selling, or obtaining a fake vaccination card is a crime. This is a fact even though Tucker said on his show last week that “buying a fake vaccination card is not a, quote, ‘serious crime.’”

But it is. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance Jr. seems to think it’s a pretty “serious” crime because he has charged 15 people for participating in a fake-vaccination card ring. Thirteen of these people work in essential-employee settings, such as hospitals.

One woman, allegedly, was selling vaccine passports on Instagram. She sold nearly 250 fake vaccine cards for $200 a pop, in addition to there being an additional “convenience” fee of $250 per customer. Who does she think she is? Ticketmaster? We’re buying fake vax cards here, people…not going to see Pearl Jam…where you will probably need to have a vaccination card. Holy shit, she is Ticketmaster.

Another person then wrongly entered at least 10 individuals into the New York State Immunization Information System database. Yeah, that was “wrongly entered” like the children’s book in Despicable Me being accidentally destroyed with great malice.

That  woman is charged with offering a false instrument for filing in the first degree, conspiracy in the fifth degree and criminal possession of a forged instrument in the second degree. I don’t know, Tucks…all those charges sound pretty serious. I don’t understand half of it, so I know it’s serious.

But in response to this, Tucker said it’s not a serious crime. Right-wing fucknuts have been politicizing the pandemic since it began. But keep in mind, people like Tucker never thought the virus was serious, most of all Donald Trump. MAGAts don’t take it seriously that Trump played it down while it was killing over 630,000 Americans. They didn’t take it seriously when Trump suggested aquarium cleaner as a medical solution, or the time he told everyone to ingest bleach into their bodies.

And Republicans are totally against what they call “vaccine passports” being required to enter establishments. But that’s a great idea. In fact, Fox News thinks it’s a great idea because guess what you need to get into the Fox News building on 6th Avenue. Think about it. Think about it real hard. Did you guess socks? Those are probably heavily suggested, but no. What is required are….wait for it…vaccine passports. It’s also required of all Fox News employees at the network’s Washington, D.C. studio where they shoot…wait for it…Tucker Carlson tonight.

Tucker said about fake vaccine cards: “It’s not even close to a serious crime. Buying a fake vaccination card is an act of desperation by decent, law-abiding Americans who have been forced into a corner by tyrants.” Tucker also said that people are being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want.”

Who? Whos’ being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want?” Who? Who, Tucker? Who? Is there an owl in here? Who the fuck is being forced to take the vaccine? Tucker, you’re a liar. Maybe Tucker was forced to take the vaccine by his employer, who is, let me remind you, Fox News. Maybe Fox News should check Tucker’s vaccination card and make sure it has his name on it and not McLovin’s.

Going on TV and lying to the public every fucking day about a health crisis should be a serious crime.

Tucker says people are buying these fake vaccination cards out of desperation. Desperate for what? Eating in a restaurant? Going to the movies? Going to a night club so you can approach girls and say, “How you doin’?” Desperate to go to Yankee Stadium? I included Yankee Stadium because so far, that’s the only place that wanted to see my card…which I left in my hotel room. Personally, I think it’s weird I needed to show proof of vaccination to enter outdoor Yankee Stadium but not to get on an overly-crowed Amtrak train.

Here’s the thing, Tucks: If people are so “desperate,” then maybe they’d be desperate enough to…Oh, I don’t know….GET THE VACCINE?

So if Tucker’s ID is stolen and then recovered at a porno theater, would it be more embarrassing than say, being caught watching Tucker on Fox News?

My cartoon includes a guy with a sheep, but the real sheep are watching Tucker on Fox News.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Fun With Interpretations


CNN08292021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

In addition to struggling with having no senses of humor, being oblivious to their own hypocrisy, failing wildly at using equivalences, and not having any understanding of irony, Republicans suck at comprehension. Sure, sometimes they do understand what was said or what they’re reading and they choose to conceal, bury, or lie about it, but that’s heaped on top of their inadequacy with the smarts.

Republicans love to identify themselves as “constitutionalists,” which is a joke because like with most things they claim, they’re the exact opposite. It’s like when they claim they’re more patriotic than anyone else while supporting an insurrection because they lost an election. That insurrection brings us back to the Constitution because these constitutionalists were trying to stop Congress from certifying the election…a process instructed by…wait for it…the United States Constitution.

Lately, Trump supporters are screaming about the 25th Amendment, probably because someone at Fox News pointed it out and explained it poorly. The 25th is something they harumphed out of the room when when Tiny was talking about injecting disinfectant and incoherently rambling “woman, man, person, camera, TV.” But there’s only one constitutional amendment Republicans usually talk about and that’s the Second Amendment.

The hilarious thing about Republicans and the Second Amendment is that it’s their entire creed. It’s what they cling to and have wrapped their entire gun-humping existence onto. Yet, even though the horny-for-guns crowd has used the Second to justify their entire lifestyle of walking into Dunkins’ strapped for bear and Black-Lives-Matter protesters, they leave out, not just a portion of the Second, but half the flipping sentence they base everything on.

The Second Amendment states, “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” But when a Republican gun-humper quotes it, he only reads, ” the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” They leave out the first half of the sentence. Do you know why? Because the Second Amendment is LESS about guns and more about “well-regulated militias.” Sure, militias are armed but that doesn’t mean you get to stockpile AKs by the dozen in your shower.

Somehow, “well-regulated militia” got tossed and the interpretation has been warped to mean every maniac in the nation has a right to own every sort of gun that has ever been invented. Any regulation of this, such as background checks, waiting periods, limits on ammunition sales, preventing sales to minors, stopping minors from transporting automatic rifles across state lines to shoot black people, preventing sales to Jihadists at gun shows, preventing sales to anti-Semites, Islamophobes, and Trump supporters with internet manifestos, or preventing insane people in general from owning guns is considered by Republicans as “infringement.” And goddammit, the Constitution says their right to dry-hump an Uzi “shall not be infringed.”

Leaving out half of the first sentence in the Second Amendment would be like religious fucks only counting a few of the Commandments Moses brought down from the mountain. Oh, wait. They’re been doing that for the past five years for Donald Trump.

Number one: “I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any gods before Me.” Oops. If you’re a Trump supporter, you are literally in a cult for Mr. Two Corinthians. If you’re a fundamentalist Trump supporter, in the style of the way gun-rubbers do with the Second Amendment, you’d only quote, “I am the Lord thy God.” That’s it. Nothing about not having “any gods before me.”

Number two: “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” You fucked that one up too. GropenFuhrer has been known to take the Lord’s name in vain. At a rally, in public, while talking about Islamists, he said, “They’ll be hit so goddamn hard.” At that very same rally, he said, “If you don’t support me, you’re going to be so goddamn poor.” If you’re a fundamentalists Trump supporter, you’re such a goddamn hypocrite.

Number three: “Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.” Did you ever see Trump in church, where he said is where you go to, “drink your little wine and eat your little cracker?” For Trump, church was to only be used for photo-ops. Only crackers support Trump.

Number four: “Honor thy father and mother.” I’ll give you this one. Trump seemed very fond of his racist crooked father. I probably would be too if I was given a $200,000 monthly allowance from the age of two and had my casinos bailed out by my dad. But you know what? I’m taking it back. Because Trump’s attacks on women does not honor his mother.

Number five: “Thou shalt not kill.” People died because of Donald Trump. Donald Trump incited mass shootings, terrorists attacks, and could have even saved lives if he had put combating the coronavirus pandemic before his own insecurities. Donald Trump politicized a pandemic that has now killed over 637,000 U.S. citizens. And you wanna impeach Biden over 13 American deaths? Thou shalt get the fuck out of here.

Number six: “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” I will laugh all you family-value fuckers out of the room.

Number seven: “Thou shalt not steal.” Grifty McGrifts-a-Lots is still stealing from the United States government which means he’s stealing from you. As a former president (sic), he can’t steal as much so he has to focus on grifting from his supporters. But then again, they’re the only people stupid enough to pay $15.00 for ten straws. I’m not making that up. I just visited his page to confirm that and now I have to take a shower. I would post a link to prove it, but Thou shalt not post any MAGAt links on my goddamn page.

Number eight: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.” That means lying. The orange shitweasel lied so much that news outlets created trackers, which they also did for his golf outings. The Washington Post counted 30,573 lies. That’s a lot of false witness bearing.

Number nine: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” He was on that Access Hollywood tape literally coveting his neighbor’s wife. In his own words, “I moved on her like a bitch.” Thou shalt not move on her like a bitch.

Number ten: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.” This doesn’t just cover theft. It also covers greed. Donald Trump is a very selfish person who didn’t just steal from everyone he’s ever encountered, cheated on his taxes, and grifted from inside the White House. He also publicly wished for what others have. He’s on record wishing he was as rich as real billionaires. He spent his entire tenure pining for the respect, wisdom, and good looks of President Barack Obama, who moved out of the White House and into Donald Trump’s head where he continues to live rent free.

Republicans hear things how they want to hear them and haven’t been able to interpret anything accurately since Ike was president. So, when an anti-vaxxer MAGAts wants to talk to me about the Constitution, please.

Thou shalt not talk bullshit.

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