Coronavirus

Trump V. Fauci


cjones07182020

Donald Trump and his White House full of goons and shitweasels are very fond of engaging in smear campaigns. Every politician engages in opposition research on their political opponents, but it’s different with Trump. For Trump, it’s about dehumanizing and bullying to destroy the credibility of their political opponents. Sometimes it works beyond his base. For example, during the 2016 presidential election, the majority of voters found Hillary Clinton less honest than Donald Trump. There is nobody on this planet less honest than Donald Trump.

Trump’s latest opposition talking points, attacks, and bullying is even stranger than usual as it’s not against a political opponent, but on someone who is on his team. Donald Trump is trying to tear down Dr. Anthony Fauci, a scientist who has worked for six presidents from both parties. A doctor who is a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Honor. A man who is polled as being the most trusted individual in the nation.

Donald Trump’s problems with Dr. Fauci are facts and the fact he can’t fire him. He can fire Fauci but he’ll pay a hard price for it politically. But maybe, like he did with commuting the prison sentence of his personal henchman, Roger Stone, Trump will disregard wisdom and shitcan the scientist. The other problem, facts, is one Donald Trump has struggled with his entire life. Ask the Central Park 5, any of the New Jersey Muslims celebrating he saw on TV celebrating 9/11, or anyone who was on his Obama-Birth-Certificate-Fact-Finding mission.

Republican opposition to science didn’t start with Trump. They’ve used bullshit to deny the existence of Climate Change and never really understood how reproduction works. Rush Limbaugh thinks if a woman takes birth control pills daily, it means she’s having lots of sex because she’s a major slut. But with Trump, science is even harder. He thinks windmills cause cancer. He wonders if we can nuke hurricanes. He’s an anti-vaxxer. He thinks exercise depletes our life energy. The orange motherfucker took his shades off and stared directly at an eclipse.  But it’s the scientist who the White House is trying to discredit as someone who gets facts wrong when it comes to science.

Over the weekend, Donald Trump’s top advisers (goons) released a list to various media sources of statements he had made early in the coronavirus outbreak that they said was inaccurate. The interesting part of this is that the list was distributed anonymously. As in, nobody wanted their names on it. Funny thing, the administration has screamed in the past about anonymous sources coming from the White House. Of course, when spokesBarbie Kayleigh McEnany was asked about this, she failed to address it.

When the coronavirus first appeared, scientists, including Fauci, made statements that later turned out to be wrong. At first, it was believed we didn’t need masks or change our way of life. It was believed asymptomatic people didn’t spread the virus. But the thing is, as we learned otherwise on those aspects, people like Dr. Fauci changed their message, addressed where they were wrong, and implemented new strategies. Dr. Fauci has never told you wrong information in direct contrast to known facts. Guess who has done that. I’ll give you a hint. He’s an orange piece of lying garbage who would throw your grandmother into a trash compactor for an extra scoop of ice cream.

Dr. Fauci and other scientists changed their warnings and advice as new information was gathered. I’m sure information will continue to change as we still require knowledge about catching the virus twice and there are still debates over herd immunity. We don’t know everything yet. But Donald Trump has continued to lie and defy science over what is known.

It’s like when Republicans use the whatabout when they say, “But Obama promised if we liked our doctors, we could keep our doctors.” What they leave out is that after it was proven wrong, Obama stopped saying it. Donald Trump states a lie, it’s proven to be a lie, then Donald Trump doubles-down and continues to spread the lie.

Donald Trump lied about the direction of a hurricane after the fact, then ordered a government agency to repeat his lie.

While the White House is distributing a list of what Dr. Fauci got wrong, they’re not distributing one where Trump wasn’t just wrong, but when he lied about the virus.

There is not a list from the White House that included Trump stating, “Anyone who needs a test, gets a test.” They’re not reminding us that the virus would disappear in warm weather, or that testing creates cases, or that a vaccine is very near, or after 15 cases it would start going down, or the real gem of shooting UV light and household cleaning products into bodies. Where’s that list, White House goons?

This administration and president (sic) is so anti-science, that despite staring directly at evidence Republican states reopened too early, they’re still screaming for schools to reopen without offering any plans to do so safely. They’re even lying that children don’t spread the coronavirus. Their lies kill people.

This president (sic) is so anti-science, he’s not quoting Dr. Fauci. He’s quoting Chuck Woolery. This reality TV host of a president is getting his science from a game show host. This is the new normal. Everyone gets the coronavirus home version.

Donald Trump has ruined the lives of career professionals in the past for his petty ego and selfish personal agenda. Just ask James Comey, Andrew McCabe, or Alexander Vindman. Now, he’s trying to do it to Dr. Anthony Fauci, a man who was helping this nation fight the AIDS crisis while Donald Trump was grifting contractors, stealing from children’s charities, and making predictions on how large his daughter’s breasts would grow. Anyone who is helping Donald Trump to ruin these careers, like SpokesBarbie, should be shamed, ostracized, and never hired or even invited to a cocktail party for their rest of their lives.

Former acting Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney wrote a column expressing outrage at our inability to test. What did Mulvaney expect after spending so much time in service of a lying piece of selfish stupid crap like Donald Trump? The only reason Mulvaney is speaking out now is because it’s affecting his family. But before this, Mulvaney helped enable this horror shitshow by working on Donald Trump’s agenda of hatred and stupidity. Surprise! It didn’t work out.

Who could have guessed that a moronic reality TV show host who doesn’t know anything and is too stupid to listen to people who do would make such a bad president?

If you’re a Trump supporter, go ahead and keep listening to Donald Trump, who in turn listens to fucknut shitweasels like Chuck Woolery. I’ll be listening to Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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A Mousey Reopening


CNN07122020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

There are multiple theories as to why Donald Trump and his band of fucknuts are pressuring schools to reopen.

One theory is they need kids in school for teachers to babysit so their parents can carry on the business of stimulating the economy by going back to work. Another theory is Donald Trump wants the appearance of things being back to normal so he can continue to bark that is and win reelection. The third theory is that they just want to kill you.

Those could all be true to some extent but one thing that is definitely true is Donald Trump doesn’t care about you or your children. If he did, he wouldn’t continue to lie about the pandemic while pushing for reopenings.

Representative Ayanna Pressley said she wouldn’t trust Education Secretary Betsy DeVos with a houseplant let alone her child.

Pressley tweeted at DeVos, who has zero experience working with public education and once said we need guns in schools for protection from bears, on the Trump administration’s plans to reopen saying, “You have no plan. Teachers, kids, and parents are fearing for their lives. You point to a private sector that has put profits over people and claimed the lives of thousands of essential workers. I wouldn’t trust you to care for a house plant let alone my child.”

It’s not entirely true the Trump administration has no plans for reopening schools. They are planning to withhold federal funding from schools if they don’t reopen. They are literally holding children hostage…again. The only thing is, they’re not putting your kids into cages. And maybe DeVos could manage to care for a plastic houseplant without killing it…maybe.

This administration has planned less for reopening schools than Disney World has for their reopening.

Disney World reopened in Florida on the same day the state hit a new record for coronavirus cases. Is nobody paying attention in Florida?

Disney’s plans include requiring face masks to be worn at all times, no character meet-and-greet (that can be a good thing if Goofy still freaks you out), fewer restaurants, employees dispensing hand sanitizer to each person getting on a ride, and no parades.

CNN business writer Alexis Benveniste wrote that Disney World’s reopening felt like the “beginning of a horror movie.”

That’s silly. The horror movie started four years ago.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Corona Cages


cjones07132020

You know that famous quotation written by Martin Niemöller, a German who initially welcomed Adolph Hitler and the Third Reich…then turned against it when he realized what was coming. His quotation goes:

“First they came for the socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist.

“Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

“Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

“Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Well, guess what. Now, they’re coming for you. Or at the very least, they’re coming for your kids.

If you did not speak out when the Trump administration started separating families as a policy of cruelty to deter illegal immigration, except to say, “yay,” shame on you. You assumed that a cruel and heartless administration would only stick to their racist agenda and it wouldn’t affect you negatively because you look like them?

Yes, Donald Trump is a racist who is supported by fellow racists and others for whom racism is not a dealbreaker. But in addition to being racist and heartless, they’re selfish and greedy. This is when they come for you. And they’re coming for you and you don’t even know.

Donald Trump will force your children to go back to public schools before we’re ready for schools to open. If you honestly believe you can make elementary school children practice social distancing, then you have never met a child in your entire life. You probably don’t even remember when you were a child. Let me remind you in case you forgot; you were sneezy, snotty, and sticky. You were gross. The only way you can force kids to practice social distancing would be to place them all in cages. Let’s not give the Trump administration any ideas. Betsy DeVos doesn’t care for your children any more than Stephen Miller cares about brown ones.

Donald Trump doesn’t want schools to reopen because we’re ready or it’s best for the community you’re in. And you’re a special kind of stupid if you believe he actually cares for your children. The only reason Donald Trump wants the schools to reopen is so people can feel like things are going back to normal. It’s another way to practice denial about the extent of the coronavirus pandemic. It’s a distraction to help reelect Donald Trump.

Benito Mussolino wasn’t just a fascist dictator. He was a total failure as a leader. He couldn’t employ his people, he couldn’t create jobs, he couldn’t stimulate his economy, and he couldn’t build a great military. His constituency would say, “At least he has the trains running on time.” Il Douchey can’t even do that. Donald Trump’s trains are public schools and Confederate statues.

The worst part of this might be the “new normal” makes the type of cruelty of sacrificing your children for Trump’s personal interest acceptable. Like violence on television, we’ve become desensitized to Donald Trump’s stupidity and cruelty. For example, did you know they’re still separating families? Did you think it quietly disappeared like the coronavirus was supposed to do last April? It didn’t.

There are still families being separated. There are still children alone, in cages, wondering where their parents are. There are still cases over this in courts. We just moved on from one outrage to another. Our focus shifts from whatever brand new cruel insanity Donald Trump is breaking out today.

If you didn’t speak out when Donald Trump forced children into cages, will you speak out when he forces your children into a covid cesspool? If you’re not speaking out even now, just imagine what you’ll have to speak out against if this works and Donald is reelected.

The same cruel assholes who forced migrant children into cages, who tore them apart from their parents, who forced children to go to court alone are the same cruel assholes willing to sacrifice your child for Donald Trump’s selfishness.

You’re late to the game, but you better start speaking out now. The question is: Will there be anyone left to speak for you?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trump Nerd


cjones07112020

Is it plausible Donald Trump cheated on his SATs? I think it’s implausible he knows how to spell “SAT.”

CNN obtained a copy of Mary Trump’s book, “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man.” And so far, the biggest revelation from Trump’s niece that doesn’t surprise anyone is Donald Trump, the world’s stupidest man, paid a nerd to take his SAT for him.

Donald Trump has boasted about being at the top of his class. While he’s never released his school transcripts (despite barking for President Barack Obama to do so), professors and classmates have spoken out that Donald was nowhere near the top of his class. It would amaze most if he was able to work the doorknob to get into class. And heaven forbid if there were stairs.

According to the book, Donald Trump paid someone to take his SAT test to get into the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton Business School. She didn’t just make the claim, she named the guy who “supposedly” took the test for Dumb Donald. Later, he still needed assistance from his brother and father to twist elbows for him to get into Wharton.

We didn’t know about the SAT accusation but we already knew Donald Trump is stupid. And none of the other details that have leaked out so far don’t tell us anything new about Donald Trump. He commented on his niece’s breasts. We already knew he was a pig. He hid his younger brother’s toys and threatened to destroy them. We already knew he was an asshole. Instead of going to the hospital on the night his older brother died, he went to the movies. We already knew Donald Trump was a selfish uncaring asshole. He hired Mary to write a book about him and only delivered transcripts of a recording of him insulting women who refused to date him. We already knew he was an immature, insecure, misogynistic manchild and most women find him repulsive. Mary, who has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology, believes Donald Trump meets all nine criteria for narcissism. Again, we already knew that. Donald Trump is a sick racist puppy.

If you’re looking for real juicy dirt like there is a pee tape, he had a guy killed, details of an Epstein party with underage models, he lost his penis in a smelting accident, or he wears a diaper, or his real father’s an Oompa Loompa, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. Sorry.

Of course, Kaleigh McEnany, the White House Spokesgoon and others cried out that the SAT story is a big fat lie. Of course, the only way they know it’s a lie is because that’s what Donald Trump, the teller of over 19,000 lies since coming into office, has told them. The people who work for Donald Trump, and those who support him, pretend he’s not stupid, racist, or a horrible human being.

Donald Trump is horrible; he’s willing to risk your children’s lives for his selfish needs. Don’t make the mistake of believing Donald Trump cares about you, your children, or anyone who isn’t Donald Trump. He continues to visit hotspots for the coronavirus where members of his campaign, the Secret Service, his supporter Herman Cain, and even his idiot son’s girlfriend contract the virus…yet he continues to go to campaign in hotspots to satiate his frail ego.

Yesterday, he said he’s going to pressure governors and mayors to reopen schools this fall. He did this while lying that the United States has the lowest mortality rate from the coronavirus in the world. He claimed Democrats are playing politics in wanting the schools to remain closed. He believes it’s all designed to hurt him.

Again, for Donald Trump, everything is about Donald Trump. He thinks the schools are being kept closed to hurt him. He’s playing politics with your kids’ lives.

Just like nobody wants to keep the economy closed forever, nobody wants to keep children home. We all want them in schools. The question is, “when?” You have to be insane if you think it helps anyone politically to force parents to be home day after day with their sticky-handed screaming snot factories. That wouldn’t endear you to anybody.

The thing that scares me most is that Trump supporters will risk their children’s lives for their messiah. I’m astounded people will sacrifice their principles, ethics, and honesty for this racist reality TV host who’s so stupid, he thinks we can nuke hurricanes. Yet, now they’ll risk their children’s lives for this narcissistic asshole. It’s not like he has to entertain Barron on a constant basis. Just like SAT test, he has someone to do that for him.

Before you send little Johnnie and little Debbie back to school to help your false prophet claim everything’s back to normal so he can be reelected, keep in mind the lies he’s already told about the virus.

It was supposed to disappear last April. We’re now in July. In case you’re a Republican, April is before July. Now, Donald Trump is boasting about a low mortality rate which is horrible because that means a lot of people are about to die. Make sure it’s not your child.

It’s no surprise Donald Trump had someone take the SAT for him. Use your own eyes. He’s claimed credit for our economy, stock market, and job creation when all of that was accomplished by a black guy. A black guy who was much more accomplished and smarter than Donald Trump. What we need now is someone to president for Donald Trump because Donald Trump isn’t doing it.

Every single test that’s been thrown at Donald Trump since he became this nation’s president (sic), he’s failed. He never built the economy so we can’t have faith he’s capable of rebuilding it. He’s failed with the coronavirus. He’s failed in race relations.  And right now, he’s failing our country.

Dumb Donald never should have been accepted into Wharton and he never should have been allowed in the White House. Donald Trump has been a test for America and if you’re supporting or voting for him, you failed.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Germin’ With Herman


cjones07062020

I don’t care who you are or if you’re a Republican or a Democrat when it comes to science. You should listen to scientists, not politicians. You should especially listen to scientists over stupid politicians.

While Donald Trump and his surrogates keep downplaying the seriousness of the coronavirus and put a happy spin on it, people close to Trump continue to catch it. A Secret Service agent who accompanied Mike Pence to Arizona, a virus hotspot, has contracted the virus. While the Trump campaign was setting up its hate rally in Tulsa several members of the campaign and two Secret Service agents caught the virus.

Before the rally was held in Tulsa, everyone who is not a dumbass knew it was a horrible and stupid idea. Oklahoma was and still is a hotspot for the coronavirus. It was very dangerous to go to a hotspot and jam 19,000 people into one…I’m sorry…to jam 6,000 people into one room. All the experts said we’ll see who catches it from that rally in two weeks. Guess what. It’s been two weeks.

Herman Cain chairs Black Voices for Trump, where there are not a lot of voices. Herman attended the Tulsa hate rally. He wasn’t afraid of catching the virus and photos turned up of him at the rally not wearing a face mask and not social distancing. After the hate rally, Cain wrote an Op-Ed saying, “The atmosphere was electric, and the president’s words were inspiring. He presented a vision for uniting the country, overcoming the remaining effects of the pandemic and reinvigorating an economy he had going strong before the coronavirus showed up.” Yeah, the “atmosphere” was apparently contaminated, and guess who now has to “overcome the remaining effects of the pandemic?”

Yup, Herman has caught the virus. He was told Monday he has the disease and by Wednesday, his symptoms were so severe that he was hospitalized in Atlanta. I’m not sure if it was before or after he went to the hospital, but on Wednesday, TWO FUCKING DAYS AFTER HE WAS TOLD HE HAD THE VIRUS, he tweeted his support for the July 4th celebration in South Dakota saying, “Masks will not be mandatory for the event, which will be attended by President Trump. PEOPLE ARE FED UP!”

Seriously, dude. Has Trump called or sent you a get-well card yet? People are “fed up” with wearing face masks? Guess what, Herman? You should have worn a mask. I’m pretty sure it would have been a lot less inconvenient than being in a hospital.

There will be a huge celebration in South Dakota at Mount Rushmore where the stupid Republican governor announced face masks will not be mandatory and they will not be social distancing. In fact, each attendee will be assigned their own personal Nazi to breath heavy on their face. Sorry, ladies. Stephen Miller’s been spoken for.

And, Donald Trump will be at this rally where some predict the attendance can be as high as 30,000. According to some inside sources, Donald Trump is petrified he will catch the virus because it will make him look bad because he’s trying to convince everyone the virus will go away and he’s mocked people for wearing face masks. However, he is starting to bend on the mask thing and even says it makes him look like the Lone Ranger. I think he’s confusing the Lone Ranger with Bane.

The White House may be testing Trump every day for the virus. Reportedly, everyone who comes in contact with him has to be tested. But tests aren’t 100 percent reliable. Someone should tell this to Donald Trump and maybe use a condom analogy. Perhaps if he sees the coronavirus as an Eric, he’ll take the disaster seriously.

I don’t care how much precaution is being taken to protect Trump from the virus because, at the rate he’s hanging out with large crowds of racist assholes, someone with the virus will slip in and get on him. Ask Herman.

Donald Trump said “Black Lives Matter” is a racist symbol. Maybe he can put that on the get-well card for Herman. Hey, Herman. How are your doctors fighting the virus? Are they using hydroxychloroquine? Are you drinking bleach? I hope you’re listening to the doctors and not Doctor Dumbass.

In addition to listening to scientists over stupid politicians, maybe Herman can remember just how loyal of a person Donald Trump is. And what did Herman get for his loyalty to Donald Trump, a man who tweeted “white power” and throws out racist dog whistles on a daily basis? He got a hospital bed. Herman is one of Donald Trump’s “black friends,” which means he’s not really his friend. He’s a token.

Tokens are expendable, especially to disloyal and selfish people like Donald Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Stupid American


CNN06282020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Europeans often look down on Americans and make fun of us. That in itself may be more of a stereotype and a joke than it is real…or at least it was before Donald Trump became president.

The idea of Donald Trump being president was a joke. The Simpsons had it as a joke in one episode because it was so ridiculous. Lisa Simpson was president, who is a cartoon and not a real person, and that’s less ridiculous than a Trump presidency. Though in that episode, Lisa had to rebuild the nation after a Trump presidency.

But yeah, Donald Trump is a joke. But Europe, like American liberals and the few Republicans who put their nation before a cult, recognize he’s more than a joke. He’s dangerous. However, as dangerous as he is, gatherings of world leaders are still caught on hot mics mocking the guy who claims he’s restored international respect to our nation.

Europe has done a much better job with the coronavirus than our nation. While we have 4 percent of the world’s population, we have 25% of coronavirus cases. The virus is spiking in the deep south and our more liberal states in the northeast are enacting quarantines for visitors from those states. Europe may take it one step further.

Europe looks at us and they see our president, the ultimate ugly, stupid, arrogant American. And what do they see now? They see an ugly American denying a virus isn’t as bad as it is. They see a stupid American telling people to drink bleach and take a medication that can kill them (Hey, if Europe is afraid of a drug, you don’t wanna go near it). They see an arrogant American mock people for wearing facemasks. They see an incredibly ugly, stupid, arrogant American president (sic) say we have fewer cases of coronavirus when we have fewer tests. They see an idiot who believes tests create cases.

And now, the entire continent is considering banning each of us from entering. What’s next? Stiffed by Canada? Will Mexico build a wall and make us pay for it (probably)?

Europe may not like us very much but they love our money and for us to come over and eat their snails. But when they see our leader (sic) exhibit the very worst of us, Europe is all like, “Nope!” They don’t want dirty Americans to re-contaminate their nations where people actually believe in science.

I don’t blame them.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Here Comes The Worm


cjones06302020

Yesterday, the White House Coronavirus Task Force held their first briefing in 8 weeks. You do remember those, right? As it turns out, Dr. Deborah Birx has not been abducted by aliens. These briefings were ended after Donald Trump suggested everybody drink bleach and Drano to kill the coronavirus.

But, the administration was forced to say something about the virus since the first wave won’t go away, southern states fucked up by reopening too fast with some starting to scale back (no alcohol in bars in Florida and Texas), cases are increasing, but most of all, because Donald Trump is about 15 points behind Joe Biden in national polls and behind him in every swing state. He’s even behind Biden in places like Texas, Georgia, and Mississippi. And Biden has rarely left his house.

Donald Trump has been a huge failure with handling the coronavirus. As cases decrease in first-world countries, they’re increasing here. Right now, Haiti believes we’re a shithole country.

Donald Trump won’t push masks, instead, pushing conspiracy theories. He’s staged two rallies in states where cases are spiking. He refuses to accept the number of cases or deaths as facts. He’d rather scream about antifa, demonstrate to his base he can lift a glass of water with one hand (with some difficulty), and yell racist terms in churches. To be fair, it was just one church.

So who did they trot out for yesterday’s press briefing on the virus? Mike Pence. It went about as well as could be expected. If you weren’t sick before watching it, you were after. It was also a good opportunity for a jaded, pessimistic cynic like me to practice shouting at his TV.

Mike Pence has to be the most squeamish, sycophantic, ass-kissing, shitweasel toady worm in the history of Washington, D.C. Yesterday’s briefing proved it.

First, the worm comes out and says, “as we stand here today, all 50 states and territories across this country are opening up safely and responsibly.”

No, they’re not. You lying weasel shitfuck. While Texas and Florida have closed their bars, the Lone Star State has ordered restaurants to limit seating to 50% capacity, gatherings of at least 100 people have to seek approval, and they’ve ordered their rafting and tubing businesses to close. You can’t go tubing in Texas but you can still get a haircut. Maine has postponed reopening bars.

Bars are cesspools. Here in Virginia, I did visit a bar down the street from my apartment and masks are being worn by servers and everyone is social distancing. And the place next door that sells amazing gyros, they are not. At another bar farther down the street, NOBODY is wearing a face mask or social distancing. I’m not going back because…damn. It’s like they forgot they were all unemployed for three months and they don’t mind going back to that status.

Other states that are pausing reopening plans or extending phases are Louisiana, North Carolina, Idaho, Nevada, and New Mexico. Funny thing, most of these states are red states. Huh.

Captain Brown Nose also lied and said, “we flattened the curve.”

They only thing he flattened was his principles, pride, and his spine. What a lying goober. The United States reported 36,975 new cases on Wednesday and 41,113 new cases on Thursday, setting daily records both days. In Houston, intensive care units are out of beds. That is NOT flattening.

Then, that lying motherfucker (literally) said, “We want the American people to understand it’s almost inarguable that more testing is generating more cases. To one extent or another, the volume of new cases coming in is a reflection of a great success in expanding more testing across the country.”

Inarguable? Infuckingarguable? This might be the biggest lie that’s ever come out of the Trump administration, which says a lot. Here, Poodle bitch Pence is repeating his boss’ lie that testing creates more cases.

No, no, no, no, no!!!! Testing does not create cases. You don’t go into a clinic clean then catch it because you took a test. There are more cases of coronavirus because of the virus spreading. Not testing. No wonder Europe doesn’t want Americans to enter their freaking continent. Because our leaders are saying stupid shit like this an entire fucking continent is saying to us, “NOPE.”

Pence said, “Fatalities are decreasing all across the country.”

No, they’re not. While they have decreased nationally, you can’t say “across the country” because they’re either holding steady or…wait for it…increasing in places like California, Arizona, Florida, North Carolina, and Texas. Again, mostly red states.

And then, and then, and then, that lying white-haired constipated-looking piece of….grrrrr…advised that everyone listens to their local government for guidance. What? Did they listen to local guidance in the past two rallies where cases are spiking? Did they listen to the local government in Tulsa that said, “please don’t come here?” Did they listen to the local government in Phoenix that said, “face masks are required?” No. They held their two little hate rallies coughed spittle all over each other and contaminated the Secret Service.

And, the suck-up Trump goon did not mention face masks or social distancing, even though that’s the two main pieces of advice from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. When asked why the Trump campaign doesn’t mandate social distancing or wearing face masks at their hate rallies where the president (sic) shouts racist slurs, the most sickening, lapdog, lickspittle vice president in the history of the United States said, “Freedom of speech, the right to peacefully assemble is enshrined in the constitution of the United States. And we have an election coming up this fall.”

What the hell does any of that have to do with wearing face masks or social distancing?

We have to replace this stupid shit. Donald Trump is destroying this nation and you have people like Mike Pence enabling and helping him. A crisis, especially a pandemic, is hard enough for adults to deal with. Here, we have children. Stupid, racist children.

How anyone can still support Donald Trump boggles my mind and in fact, that in itself is an infection. It’s time to kill it.

And yes, Mike Pence is the biggest spineless worm in the history of Washington, D.C.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Liberty Pants


cjones06292020

A couple days ago, a journalist for one of the major cable news networks was talking to an official in Arizona about masks being worn at Donald Trump’s hate rally in a megachurch.

The hate rally inside a church was to be held in Phoenix, a city that mandated facemasks to be worn in public, especially in social gatherings. The state/city official said the mandate wouldn’t be enforced at the church and if people felt safe and secure about not wearing a mask, then they’ll be allowed not to wear one. That’s where I started screaming at my TV (which is a hobby of mine) because the journalist didn’t push back on one aspect of that.

Part of the anti-mask argument is if you don’t feel you’re in danger, then you shouldn’t have to wear a mask. What the journalist failed to catch is we don’t wear masks for our own personal safety as much as we wear it for others and in the grander scheme of things, we’re wearing masks to defeat this virus nationally and globally. It takes a village yet every village has its share of idiots.

Just like it doesn’t matter what you think about a subject because opinions don’t change facts, how you feel about wearing a mask doesn’t matter to the virus. I actually encountered a guy on a sidewalk when the pandemic first hit saying, “Don’t worry about catching the virus from me. I don’t believe in that crap.” Being a dumbass will not save your life.

It’s one thing to just be stupid about public safety. It’s another to make it political because after you make it political, you refuse to admit you’re wrong. And if you’re not wearing a mask in public, just like your support for Donald Trump, you are wrong and it’s past the point that you’ve been proven wrong. The only thing preventing you from accepting reality is arrogance and narcissism. You’re wrong and it’s time for you to eat shit. We stopped serving crow in 2016.

Do you remember a few weeks ago when Florida was boasting about its low number of cases despite not putting forth the same safety measures as New York? Republican Governor Ron DeSantis was indignant, angry, and being a righteous asshole about it while screaming into microphones about how right he was. So, he reopened his state early. Now, Florida is one of the three most populous states in the nation with record highs. Texas reopened early and now they’re stepping back. Florida, where professional wrestling was classified as an “essential business,” has not.

Also, when Florida reopened, a stupid fucker who was frequenting my YouTube page challenged me in a bet that Florida’s coronavirus cases would not increase. I refused his bet because I don’t wager on human life and since he’s a Trump supporter, he wouldn’t pay up anyway because Trump supporters are lowlife liars who cheat at everything. Guess what. That guy hasn’t been back on my page since the numbers started spiking. Pay up? He’d have to be able to admit he was wrong first.

A huge reason these numbers are going up is that facemasks are not being worn. The evidence is in. If you’re on the debate team for no masks, you’ve lost. It’s over. Wait, if you’re a Donald Trump supporter, facts don’t apply. That’s why I never would have collected on that bet.

Right now, despite overwhelming evidence facemasks work, as in numbers of cases going down all over the world except in Brazil (where their leader is a Trump acolyte and hates masks too), our numbers are rising and Donald Trump and his administration are refusing to realize it. They lie about it. Donald Trump says the only reason the numbers are going up is because of “great testing.”

Donald Trump refuses to accept the numbers are rising because there are more cases. He refuses to accept that facemasks work. He even refuses to accept his stubbornness over the virus is killing his campaign, which we all know is more important to him than human lives anyway.

Having to wear a facemask to protect others isn’t any more oppressive than having to wear a seatbelt, or a motorcycle helmet, or pants. Trust me on this, you’re wearing pants more for the consideration of others than you are for yourself.

I understand we all hate pants, especially the older we get. I haven’t worn pants since my trip to New York which was over two weeks ago. Hell, I’m not even wearing pants right now. But I’m not in public right now (they’re boxer briefs by the way) and when I am, I’m usually wearing sweat shorts because I’m lazy and getting fat. But, we all put something on when we go out. Wearing a facemask, while kinda annoying, is essential…just like you wearing pants. So, so essential.

Try to enter a grocery store without pants and see what happens? Use that same argument you do for not wearing a facemask. Go to a restaurant and tell them you don’t have to wear shoes. And in that regard, there may not be any laws in your state that mandates shoes in a restaurant (this will surprise you, most don’t have one), but the restaurant has the right to refuse service, especially to assholes. If you’re not wearing a facemask, businesses have the right to refuse service and to kick your selfish ass out.

If you’re still not wearing a facemask, you’re an asshole. That’s all it comes down to. Look at it this way, if all children have to sacrifice for your Second Amendment rights by having to wear a heavy bulletproof backpack to school, then you can wear a fucking facemask, you big entitled baby.

You’ve lost. the debate is over. Facemasks work. It’s not a conspiracy to control you or to see how much the government can get away with (I’ve had people tell me that one). Put on a goddamn mask, you selfish sonofabitch.

And for the love of God, put on some pants.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

MAGA Funny


cjones06262020

I used to think conservatives were funny. Now, they’re only funny inadvertently. The basis for all Republican humor, especially for those in the Trump cult, is cruelty.

Republicans think it’s hilarious to put immigrant children in cages. They laughed their asses off when Border Patrol agents destroy jugs of water left for immigrants in the desert. They love cracks at the appearance of an elderly woman if that woman is a Democrat. When Donald Trump calls a woman “nasty,” entire arenas roar. Those arenas aren’t as full as they were, but still. “Send them back” still slays ’em.

MAGAts love cruel humor because they’re cruel people themselves. There are two qualifications to be a Trump supporter: You have to be OK with racism and you have to be an asshole. That comes pretty easy for Trump supporters because it’s the cruelty and racism that appeals to them. Try this test: Ask any one of them to explain details of any Trump position. Nine times out of ten, the answer will contain the word “Obama.”

During Donald Trump’s Tulsa hate rally that was a huge flop, he said he told his people to slow down testing for the coronavirus. The audience ate it up and laughed their balls off…even the female Trump supporters (though to be fair, I hear most of them shave their balls). Later, his campaign fucknuts said he was just joking.

Really? Joking about testing on a pandemic that’s killed over 120,000 Americans? Joking about a virus that would have killed fewer people if Donald Trump had confronted the crisis early on instead of downplaying it like he’s still doing? Joking about testing for a virus when testing saves lives? Yeah, that’s hilarious. H’yuk, h’yuk, h’yuk.

Now, Donald Trump says he wasn’t joking. The joke here that’s hilarious is this White House can’t even get on the same page over something stupid like, more testing leads to more cases. See? Inadvertently funny.

Also during his racist rally, Donald Trump said the coronavirus has more names than any other disease and he could name 19 of them. He only named one and it was “Kung flu.” That is a racist term and surely his crowd would strongly disapprove such a racist slur…who am I kidding? They loved it.

Later, KayLeigh McEnany, the new and improved White House spokesgoon, decided to blame the media for Donald Trump’s slur. Her argument was, we need to focus on where the virus came from and not Trump’s use of a racist slur. Months ago, Another White House goon, Kellyanne Conway got angry at a reporter for stating a source in the administration had used the same slur. Kellyanne demanded to know who said it. She was indignant with anger. The outrage. It’s impossible. Now we know who said it. I for one hope Kellyanne takes her anger over the slur out on the president (sic).

Yesterday, a noose was found hanging in the garage for Bubba Wallace, NASCAR’s only black driver. It was in his team’s garage at the race in Talladega, Alabama. Now, Donald Trump hasn’t said or tweeted anything about that, but he did retweet some racist videos last night. And, I saw some MAGAts speculating this was another Jussie Smollett situation that’s fake and generated by liberals because it’s preposterous to believe someone would hang a noose in a black guy’s garage in Alabama. I’m sure they won’t apologize after the offender is found and captured. He will be found. And, he will be a Trump supporter.

Do you know why all good comedians are liberal? Because you have to be smart to be funny…or at least good at it. Idiots don’t make good comedians…or political cartoonists. Over the past two weeks, there were three issues over racist political cartoons with newspapers apologizing and editors resigning. None of those cartoons were funny unless you love racist humor. Conservatives don’t understand humor, irony, hypocrisy, or anything more complex than, “ramp slippery, me fall down.” But as I said, Republicans are inadvertently funny. Let’s list some examples.

Matt Gaetz lives with a 19-year-old man. OK, that’s more creepy than funny. Maybe it’s just Matt Gaetz’s face that’s funny. He kinda looks like an asshole Matt Damon but uglier. Also, ew and that kid’s going to write a book someday.

Another example of inadvertently funny is Jim Jordan. OK, again. Maybe it’s just his face. Real funny is Ted Cruz picking a fight with Hell Boy…for Jim Jordan to fight. And of course, Ted Cruz’s face.

I’ll list a few better examples. When Donald Trump holds a glass with two hands and he purses his lips like he has super sucking power that’ll bring that water to his mouth without touching the glass, that’s hilarious. When he took forever to walk down that ramp…that was just stupid funny. The other walk he took, after his Tulsa rally, where his tie is undone and his orange makeup is splotched all over his color, Fufreakinghilarious.

Oh, yeah, remember that time they boasted about having a million people registering for tickets to a hate rally in Tulsa and only 6,200 showed up? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Remember them tearing down the stage for the overflow crowd because there wasn’t an overflow crowd? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Funny, funny, funny. Tim Allen should be writing this shit down. He can do those man grunts with it if that helps sell the joke.

What could Dennis Miller do with an empty Trump hate rally? Let me try: That rally was emptier than a theater showing cats if all the cats were racist cats wearing MAGA hats. OK, I can’t do a Dennis Miller, or I need more time and I want to publish this blog.

Another example of Republicans being inadvertently funny: Donald Trump probably wears a diaper. Alright, maybe some of our humor is cruel too. But, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

But it’s OK if your humor is cruel when you’re making fun of racist assholes.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Dying On Tulsa Time


cjones06232020

Tulsa, Oklahoma, June 20, 2020. Come for the Trump hate. Leave with the Trump virus. Either way, you’re one infected sycophantic Kool-Aid goose-stepping troglodyte.

Donald Trump does not care about his supporters. If you’re one of them, he does not care about you. The proof of this is him holding a rally today that he admits will infect some people. That’s probably why everyone attending today’s hate rally has to sign a waiver clearing Donald Trump of legal liability if they catch the coronavirus. How stupid do you have to be? Oh yeah. You’re a Trump supporter. You’re pretty damn stupid.

The rally, which was originally scheduled for yesterday but moved by Trump after being pressured to not to be so obviously racist by holding it on Juneteenth, will be a cesspool for the virus. If you ask any health expert if they would attend, the answer is always no. Sometimes, it’s “Hell fucking no.”

The best health advice for attending today’s hate rally in Tulsa is don’t.

There will be 19,000 people jam-packed into the arena. Social distancing will be impossible. It will be indoors where everyone is shouting. Most won’t wear masks because Donald Trump doesn’t and they all believe it’s a conspiracy. Donald Trump believes people only wear masks to stick it to him which surprised me to learn that my wearing a mask had anything to do with Donald Trump. White House Spokesgoon Kaleigh McEnany said she won’t wear a mask out of “personal reasons.” Those reasons being, she’s afraid of upsetting Trump.

And before you say, “But Black Lives Matter protesters gathered in large numbers,” let me tell you the difference with that. They were outside. They were constantly moving (ask my feet). And, from my experience, most were wearing masks.

The site of the rally is a stupid choice. Cases of coronavirus are rising in the state despite Mike Pence and Donald Trump lying and claiming they were going down. Oklahoma is ranked 46th when it comes to health. But the virus being spread by the Trump hate rally won’t just stay in Oklahoma. Dumbass Trump lovers have traveled far and wide to come to this shit. They’ve been in line for the past week to hear Donald Trump praise himself and tell lies.

Scientists, who Dr. Nuke-a-Hurricane-Drink-some-Bleach-Windmill-Cancer doesn’t listen to, believe at least 800 to 1,000 people will contract covid-19 at this hate rally. They’ll take the virus home and back to their communities and share it with everyone they come into contact with. Donald Trump does not care.

And the really bad thing about this is Donald Trump does not need this rally to help his election. He’s not in any danger of losing Oklahoma, or other nearby states like Arkansas and Nebraska, to Joe Biden. This is purely for Donald Trump’s ego. Donald Trump loves your hate and he will risk your life to hear you express it. He will risk your life for applause.

You’re not just risking your life when you attend this rally. You’re threatening your nation by bringing this virus back…which actually hasn’t left yet. Good job, patriots.

Donald Trump is partly responsible for the number of deaths in this nation from this virus. He doesn’t feel any guilt about that because he is a selfish asshole and is willing to risk lives today. Everyone in line is in line to die for Donald Trump. How racist do you have to be to die for a racist?

Donald Trump, because he is an idiot, is also risking his own life. Elderly people have a more difficult time with the coronavirus and in case you haven’t noticed, Donald Trump is a geezer. He’s not even a healthy geezer because he thinks humans are like batteries and exercise depletes our energy. Again, hater of science. So this Big-Mac-Eating codger is willing to let 19,000 people shout their germs all over him while they’re all together in a covered petri dish.

In two weeks, you’re going to hear about new cases of coronavirus that was caught at this rally. And for what? Donald Trump is going to lose this election. He’ll be on a golf course hate tweeting while a lot of supporters will be in graves.

You want to die for Donald Trump who’s not worth dying for? Fine. But don’t risk my life too because I don’t think Donald Trump’s worth dying for…and neither are you.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.