Benjy’s Bleachy Butt

Ben Garrison has self-diagnosed he has the coronavirus.

I hope Benjy gets through this OK, whether it’s truly COVID or just a bad case of the Montana sniffles. But, I think it’s fair to mock and ridicule him because it’s karma. It’s fair like that time Donald Trump played down the pandemic, treated it like a hoax, told lies about it, did nothing for the longest time which enabled the virus to kill more people than it should have, disregarded CDC guidelines, then caught COVID, and went crying to the hospital in a helicopter to receive treatment nobody else could get. Karma.

While I don’t wish bad things on anyone, I do think it’s OK to give them a Nelson Muntz HA-HA when they took part in spreading conspiracy theories and misinformation that kills people…and continues to do so. We would have defeated this virus months ago if it wasn’t for people like Ben Garrison.

In case you need a refresher and you’re asking, “Who’s Ben Garrison, ” I’ll sum up.

Ben Garrison is a fucking lunatic. He’s racist. He’s antiSemitic (so antiSemitic, he was invited then disinvited from a racist summit at Trump’s White House. He’s so hateful, Trump couldn’t be seen with him). He’s a hater. He’s a MAGA cultist. And…he thinks he’s a political cartoonist. He’s not a political cartoonist. He is a propagandist.

Political cartooning is a type of journalism. While it is opinion, the practitioners are to abide by the generally accepted ethics of journalism. You’re not on a high horse or working with a better-than-thou attitude to say you follow ethical guidelines. They’re rules. If you play baseball, you’re not on a high-horse by demanding four strikes instead of three. You’re just playing by the rules. Though, I must admit I’m seeing a lot more disregard for the rules in this business and quite frankly, it seems people and news outlets aren’t caring as much.

But one thing you’re not supposed to do is make stuff up. There is a fine line with satire as you are putting words in people’s mouths, but you’re basing it on something. You know Trump doesn’t walk around with a sippy cup with shit I write on it, but you do know he’s a baby who needs two hands to pick up a cup. See what I do there? I base it on something. Now, right-wing Trump-supporting cartoonists are basing their opinions on total and complete bullshit.

A lot of cartoonists are like columnists and TV pundits. They only mention what helps their argument, or hurts someone else’s, while leaving stuff out that hurts their position. But, they’re still basing what they say on facts. This is spin.

Conservative cartoonists like Scott Stantis, Steve Breen, and Nate Beeler are journalists. They rely on facts so much, they’re becoming moderate conservatives. I’ve seen all three of these cartoonists take on Trump, The Big Lie, and promote vaccines and CDC guidelines while also criticizing President Biden. I don’t have an issue with people I disagree with. Cartoonists have a tradition of shouting at each other while drinking together. In the past, we all got along for the most part. I recall very few political arguments at cartoonist conventions. But even then, we usually enjoy arguing with each other. Politics never got in the way of us getting along. Maybe personalities did, but nobody cared that Michael Ramirez always wore a Nixon pin to the conventions.

There are a few others who kinda straddle the line a bit. It’s like they take advantage of Trumplican bullshit, like advocating for bogus election laws and carrying the mantra of “election integrity” while not saying the election was stolen or Biden didn’t win.

The cartoonists I take issue with are the ones who lie and base their stuff on lies that have been debunked. There are a few who do this but Garrison is the worst…or the best at it. The cartoonists I take issue with are the ones who aren’t real cartoonists, like Ben Garrison.

Garrison’s cartoons are hilarious because he makes Trump look like Superman. He has a surfer body and his hair is only a little crazy. But, Ben lies. He makes stuff up and worships at the altar of Trump. If Trumps says it, it’s a fact. Ben is also extremely racist and antiSemitic.

But since the vaccine came out, Garrison been on a campaign against it. He claims it’s being used by the government to control and censor. He’s compared it to 1984 which he obviously didn’t read. He’s blamed Soros, Bill Gates, Deep State, and Jews. He’s even claimed microchips to track us are in the vaccine. He’s pushed Trump’s bogus cures and other lies. He’s drawing daily telling people not to get the vax and to just take horse de-wormer.

Now, he himself has covid, as reported by Gizmodo.

Ben has diagnosed himself and his wife as having COVID. I hope his wife can escape while Ben is sleeping or distracted by Newsmax, climbs out the bathroom window to go to a hospital (not a livestock hospital) to be diagnosed by an actual doctor.

Ben claims he went to dinner at a restaurant, where they probably don’t sell a lot of salads, with his wife and friends and the next day, they all had COVID. He will not go to a hospital, says he lost 15 pounds, and is treating it with Ivermectin, zinc, and by drinking a lot of beetroot juice. None of that cures COVID and the Ivermectin has been blamed for several deaths. But BenBen is undeterred from his bogus cure and remains anti-science. But maybe he’ll panic after he starts pooping red from the beetroot juice, and goes to a hospital.

When Gizmodo asked Garrison if he was vaccinated, he replied, “We will never take their foul spike protein-producing jabs, which are neither safe nor effective. They’re not real vaccines. They’re gene therapy.” I’m feeling a bit spent so feel free to take it upon yourself to analyze Ben’s reasoning there.

And that’s why it’s OK to mock him. If Ben had gotten the vaccine, worn a face mask, and practiced social distancing, maybe he wouldn’t have contracted the virus. And if his wife had married someone who’s not a fucknut, she would probably still be able to taste pork chops. But even if they did get the vaccine and still caught COVID, the Garrisons wouldn’t still be struggling two weeks later with a loss of taste, smell, and appetite while sucking down beetroot juice and horse pills.

When you have a position that’s given you followers, and you tell your followers misinformation and endanger their lives, then you should be ridiculed when karma strikes. If Ben’s going to use his position to lie to people, then I’m going to use mine to call out his lies. Is my cartoon cruel and bad form? Why, yes it is. But it’s also performing a public service.

I’m using my position and ability to satire to show readers that people like Ben are snake oil salesmen and to see what their preaching did for them. If anything, my ridiculing Garrison may educate someone and they’ll get the message not to take medical advice from a Jew-hater taking a Clorox colonoscopy.

OK, they’re Trumpers so they’re probably not listening to me. You can lead a horse to take Ivermectin for COVID, but you can’t make him think.

Ben, I hope you and your wife get well. Sincerely, I don’t wish you harm. I want to mock and ridicule you again in the future. P.S. Biden won.

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