Trumpy Bubbles

To all those liberals who still haven’t gotten over that Bernie Sanders will not be the Democratic Party’s nominee and are on a scorched-Earth campaign promoting that Joe Biden is senile (I’m looking at you, Ted Rall): Joe Biden’s not the candidate telling people to ingest bleach and eat lightbulbs.

During yesterday’s shitshow disguised as an informative press conference on the coronavirus, Donald Trump asked if injecting disinfectants into the body could kill the coronavirus. In other news, The Onion is now totally irrelevant and my job is not getting any easier. It’s hard to satirize satire.

Donald Trump was talking about disinfectants that kill viruses on surfaces and in the air. He rambled, “I see the disinfectant that knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or almost a cleaning? Because you see it gets inside the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that.” The answer to the question, “Is there a way we can do something like that?” is no, no, nada, what the fuck, and hell no, you lumbering-around freaking idiot.

If the coronavirus does a “tremendous number” on the lungs, what the hell do you think Scrubbing Bubbles will do to it? But you know, if you drink Clorox, Lysol, or Drano, you’re not gonna have to worry about the coronavirus anymore, or mortgages, taxes, in-laws, traffic, bills, going to the dentist, or tomorrow.

Dr. Deborah Birx, who’s going from walking a fine line of telling the truth and appeasing Donald Trump’s lunacy and political agenda…and has now gone full MAGA, had to sit there silently while Donald Trump talked about ingesting household cleaner…and UV lights. But the look on her face was what one would expect from someone forced to sit silently watching a 73-year-old man stick a fork into a light socket.

So, I was wondering how the MAGAts will translate this. I already saw one on a friend’s, now a former friend, Facebook page a month or so ago suggest taking Lysol. I got unfriended when I pointed out that the idea was beyond stupid. But after Trump said this ridiculous shit yesterday, I decided to check the page of another “friend.” There, he “marked” himself safe from Trump talking about disinfectants…and then proceeded to bash liberals for mocking him. He defended Trump for merely asking a question and accused liberals of being “dumb enough” to drink disinfectant.

Donald Trump did prove that there is such a thing as a stupid question.

But here’s the thing, kids: Trump cultists have already died from following his stupid medical advice. As Trump has pointed out, he’s not a doctor. But even more so, he’s not someone with knowledge on anything unless you wanna know how to bankrupt casinos, steal from children’s charity, or pay off porn stars with a dummy corporation based in Delaware. If that’s what you need advice on, Donald Trump is your man. If you need medical advice, you’re better off following Dr. Nick from The Simpsons. Hey, everybody! Drink this shit.

A couple in Arizona ingested chemicals made for cleaning fish tanks because it had hydroxychloroquine in it. One of them died. Do you know who’s been talking about taking hydroxychloroquine to kill the coronavirus? Donald Trump. From there, he’s been backed up by Fox News. What do most medical professionals say about taking hydroxychloroquine? Don’t.

The corporation that makes Lysol actually issued a statement yesterday that it’s unsafe to drink Lysol. Again, The Onion is going out of business.

I predict two things: Some MAGAt is going to die after drinking Scrubbing Bubbles and Donald Trump is going to deny he ever asked about ingesting household cleaners.

The little MAGA rallies Donald Trump has been conducting every day to praise himself, spread lies, and attack journalists for quoting his own words, are covered by the networks because they’re delivered under the concept of the president (sic) of the United States providing lifesaving information on the pandemic. But we’ve known all along there’s very little information that’s useful and it’s more about Donald Trump promoting Donald Trump.

Now, the networks have to, they must, it’s imperative, that they STOP running these things as they’ve gone from pretending to be useful to being outright dangerous. Donald Trump is going to kill somebody with his stupid medical advice. And, it’s not going to be Sean Hannity. They will be totally justified to stop airing these things and just replaying the important parts later…if there ever are any.

His followers are stupid people. They should all be walking around in plastic bubbles, not drinking Scrubbing Bubbles.

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