Covid19

Texas Poo Step


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Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who is working hard to be even worse than Rick Perry, has decided the coronavirus pandemic is over and life can return to normal for Texans, or at least for those who didn’t die from the virus or freeze to death from last month’s abnormal cold snap.

The governor has reopened the state entirely without any limitations. This means you can sit at a bar inches next to a stranger. You can get a tattoo of Troy Aikman’s face above your butt crack. You can lick a stranger’s face while on a bus in Houston. You can now cough into the faces of your fellow gun enthusiasts while at the ammo store. You can dine inside a barbeque restaurant and eat barbeque that’s not as good as Memphis barbeque but still better than that North Carolina vinegar-based shit. You can hug your right-wing buddies at the border while looking at the spot where Donald Trump’s wall was never built that Mexico didn’t pay for. You can go to a strip club and have your eye poked out while receiving a lap dance from a girl named “Candy” who has a Russian accent. You can go to Amarillo and ask, “Why the fuck does anyone go to Amarillo?”. You can sit next to an ugly stranger on an international flight to Cancun and listen to him blame the trip on his daughters. Yes, life is returning to normal in Texas which means they’ll soon resume executing people with mental retardation on death row. Texas is a very special place. Sometimes, people in Florida look at Texas and say, “Damn.”

Everyone can sympathize that businesses want to get back to business. Everyone wants to go back to work, even those making just $7.25 an hour which is the minimum wage in Texas (even Florida raised theirs to $8.56). So the governor hastily has reopened the state…but at least that face mask mandate is still in effect. Do what now? He rescinded that too?

Greg Abbott has lifted the mask mandate which is an appeal to everyone who has politicized the virus or doesn’t believe it actually exists. This is also a good way to get people to stop talking about the freeze in the state last month where at least four million people lost power and many lost their lives. The state is still trying to count the deaths with some saying it was around 40 statewide while other officials say there were 86 deaths in Austin alone.

Now, we’re finding out that the governor, who is NOT a doctor or a scientist didn’t speak to any doctors or scientists when making his decision about reopening the state and removing the mask mandate. The governor has a team of four medical advisors and when told what the governor had done, each of them said, “He did what now? Holy fuckballs, I’m moving to Florida!”

I lied. He did talk to one out of the four and that one said it was probably a bad idea. Probably? President Joe Biden accused Abbott of “Neanderthal thinking.” And with all known variants of the coronavirus floating around Houston, the fourth largest city in the nation, removing face masks now is a Neanderthal move.

Texans seems to like putting idiots into power. Greg Abbott accused President Obama of “invading” Texas. During the power outage, he blamed the Green New Deal, which doesn’t exist. Then, he blamed the outage on wind turbines freezing. Wind turbines did freeze, but do you really believe the bulk of Texas’s power comes from green energy? What else do you believe, the Cowboys will win the Super Bowl next year? Wind turbines only account for about 13% of Texas energy and they don’t freeze in Greenland so, try again, Abbott. And then, everyone who didn’t lose power got $9,000 electric bills and said, “Holy fuckballs, I’m moving to Florida.”

Funny thing about all those electric bills: Republicans are all like, “Hey, federal government. Help those people with their bills” because the power companies have to get paid. There’s no talk of the power companies helping anyone.

Texas lost power because its power grid was deregulated. They didn’t want the federal government telling them how to do their power, so a few decades ago, they removed most of their power grids from being connected to other states. Defenders say we need to give this deregulated system of power grids time to stabilize, ignoring that it’s been about three decades already. Then, this state that talks about seceding and that they don’t need no federal control goes crying to the federal government for help anytime the wind whips up a little. Look at Ted Cruz for example. This guy votes against funding when blue states get hit by hurricanes yet begs for federal money every year when a hurricane hits Texas.

This is the state that deregulates everything, tells the nation’s businesses to come to Texas, especially if they’re from California, then has to investigate why a manure plant exploded and killed 15 people.

Yes, Texas? Why are your power grids freezing and your shit factories exploding? Since he’s full of shit, how come Ted Cruz never explodes?

If Texas was its own country, it would be a third-world nation. It would be controlled by climate-change-denying idiots…and Cowboy fans.

I want life to return to normal just as much as anyone else. We liberals do not want businesses to die. We don’t want the economy ruined. We want kids back in school just as bad as everyone else wants it. There are no parents with kids at home saying, “Boy, I hope schools never reopen. This has been so much fun having these kids in my face every single minute where I can’t even shut the bathroom door for three seconds without someone banging on it screaming, MOM!!!!” and…”

And just because conservatives base every decision on “making liberals cry,” that doesn’t mean we’re for face mask mandates because it makes you cry. We don’t need to make you cry. From Mr. Potato Head, to Muppets, to Dr. Seuss, to the WAP song, you cry about everything. We want people to stop dying, even the crying Neanderthals who couldn’t make a P get W A if their lives depended on it.

The best way to reopen everything is if we get rid of this virus. That means everyone should be vaccinated, stay six feet apart from each other, and keep your fucking face mask on your fucking face, fucker.

Of course, another good way to get rid of this virus is if we get rid of Republicans.

If you are in Texas, ignore your government. They’re stupid. Keep your mask on. Continue to practice social distancing. Listen to President Joe Biden. Listen to Dr. Another Fauci. Listen to Dolly Parton. DON’T listen to Ted Cruz. Stop rooting for the Cowboys.

And if you’re in Texas, watch where you step because there’s a lot of Republican bullshit.

Creative note: This cartoon began as they all do, in my head. And while it was in my head, all the speech balloons were coming from Greg Abbott. But then I had the fear people would think the “watch where you step” line was a cheap crack at him for being in a wheelchair. I’m not above delivering a cheap shot when I feel it fits, but not over something like that. So this morning, the cow pie concept came to me and I decided to go that route even though I normally HATE drawing feces and urine. Ew. A lot of cartoonists do it but I’m just not a fan of it. This is another example of me breaking my own rules.

Other note: I know you’re googling the WAP song.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Oh No, Cuomo


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Yesterday, a got an email from an editor in Georgia telling me since there are so many liberal cartoonists, that I should stop drawing liberal cartoons and start drawing conservative ones. This cartoon is not a response to that because I have a bit of integrity. As CNN’s Jake Tapper said regarding this story, “indecent behavior is indecent behavior, regardless of party.”

This may come as a huge shock to you since I am such a left-wing liberal, but I’m not tribal. I’m not partisan. I’m not a member of the Democratic Party. Corruption from Democrats is just as bad as corruption from Republicans.

If I was a conservative cartoonist, I would be jumping all over this while claiming the death rates from the coronavirus are all made up, except in New York, and that Donald Trump shouldn’t be blamed for anything in handling the pandemic. But I’m not a conservative cartoonist. I try to apply the same standards to both parties. If you’re a conservative cartoonist and you’re jumping on Cuomo but ignoring the failures of Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis, you suck as a cartoonist.

I like the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo. He receives a lot of criticism from liberals but I’ve always respected how outspoken and forward he’s come across. During the pandemic, he seemed to be the one political leader delivering straight information, not just to his New York constituents, but to the entire nation. Even though it seemed he made some bad calls regarding nursing homes in his state, he was still coming across as a politician taking the pandemic seriously while the president (sic) was talking about TV ratings and ingesting bleach.

In the early days of the pandemic, Governor Cuomo made a decision to send nursing home patients who had tested positive with the virus back to their nursing homes, in order to make much needed space in hospitals. It was an extremely bad call. More than 9,000 who tested positive were sent back. Over 10,000, many likely infected by the returning patients, died. The Attorney General of New York, Letitia James, said in a report last month that the true total is thousands higher. And now, we have found out there was an ongoing coverup in place.

Melissa DeRosa, one of the governor’s top aides, told Democratic lawmakers in the state that the Cuomo administration rebuffed requests from the Justice Department and state legislature for updated figures for deaths in nursing homes because of fear of a potential federal investigation. She said the administration “froze” when initially asked by state legislators back in August about the issue.

As it turns out, the administration undercounted deaths, possibly by 50%. There are calls in the state, and from Democrats who control the state legislature, to strip Governor Cuomo of his emergency powers that were given to him at the start of this pandemic. It gets worse. There are calls for Cuomo’s impeachment.

I can understand the Cuomo administration not wanting to give the Trump Justice Department anything that would have them investigated by corrupt people, in addition to being politicized by Donald Trump. Who wants to help with that? But you can’t hide deaths. Cuomo did exactly what Donald Trump did, which was undercount deaths. It’s bad when Trump does it. It’s just as bad as when Cuomo does it.

You cannot hide information, especially regarding deaths, because it looks bad on you, or you’ll get in trouble, or it’ll hurt you politically. Mistakes are one thing, coverups are entirely worse.

There needs to be an investigation of this, especially now that Donald Trump doesn’t control the Justice Department. The Biden administration should give this just as much attention as it would if it was a Republican governor.

I feel kinda bad because my last cartoon also contained a cemetery. That one, criticizing Republicans for letting Donald Trump off the hook, has been shared over 1,800 times on Facebook. This cartoon has been on Facebook for over 40 minutes and it’s received zero shares. We can’t always be partisan and tribal. We need to be responsible. Criticizing Andrew Cuomo over this proves we were being serious the last four years when we were criticizing Donald Trump.

Democratic corruption is just as bad as Republican corruption…even if it doesn’t happen as much.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Covid Cheater


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We often treat sports as politics and politics as sports. One difference is you may be so tribal that you can’t admit fault with your political party, but you’ll continue to cheer on your favorite sports team while criticizing the coach, owner, quarterback, and maybe even the entire organization. But you knew you are talking to a real zealot when a person defends Tony Romo.

Sports is like politics in that you get think it’s wrong for a president to issue executive orders, except when he’s your president. It’s like cheering a holding call is against the other team…but complaining when your team gets it.

Sometimes politics is like religion and you’re a member of a party because that’s how you were raised. Maybe if your daddy was a fucknut troglodyte, he never acquired the ability to think critically and he passed it down to you. Most people practice the same religion as their parents. And a lot of people a fans of the teams their parents supported. Basically, people put the same emphasis on choosing a religion as they do a sports team.

There are people who like teams because of the colors, logo, players, etc; most people support a team from their region. I’m one of those. I grew up mostly in Louisiana and I am a New Orleans Saints fan. I also grew up partly in a Chicago suburb and for some reason, the Bears didn’t get to me but the Cubs did. But I like the Saints which means I hate the other teams in the division which works out because there’s nothing to like about any of those teams.

The Atlanta Falcons suck. The Carolina Panthers suck. And for the love of God, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers suck. If the Bucs didn’t play the Saints twice a year, I’d still hate them. Years ago, they fired their coach, Tony Dungy, who had rebuilt them from being the doormat of the league to a team that went to the playoffs repeatedly. But they fired Dungy because he didn’t get them to the Super Bowl. The very next year, with the team Dungy built, the Bucs went to the Super Bowl with John Gruden. John Gruden never built a good team again but to this day, a lot of people think he’s a football genius for inheriting a team someone else built. By the way, Dungy is black and Gruden is white. That’s probably not a factor here but isn’t it indicative of that this country does, a white man taking credit for something a black man built? Go ask Donald Trump about that economy he built.

And in case you don’t follow sports, after Tampa fired Tony Dungy for not getting them to a Super Bowl, he was hired by the Indianapolis Colts, another doormat piece-of-crap franchise, and took them to the Super Bowl.

But I hate the Buccaneers…and I really don’t like Tom Brady. So naturally, the two paired up. Naturally, they’re going to the fucking Super Bowl.

Why would anyone hate Tom Brady? Because he’s Tom Brady.

Tom Brady is a whiner. He whines after every play that doesn’t go his way. What’s worse is, it works. Did you see the NFC championship game against the Packers? Did you see the playoff game against the Saints? And even if he doesn’t whine, I swear there’s a bias from the refs when it comes to Brady or the team he’s on. There are a lot of calls that aren’t called…and a lot of calls that shouldn’t have been. About a decade ago, when Brett Favre lost a championship game, the NFL changed some playoff rules that would have sent him to the Super Bowl. If Brady would have lost against the Packers, I would have expected the league to create another Brady rule. Yes, the league created a rule to protect Tom Brady from getting hit. This was before he started letting air out of his balls.

Tom Brady played for a team that cheated, the Patriots. There was Spygate, where the Patriots filmed other teams’ practices. Then, there was Deflategate, which got Tom suspended for four games which he fought in federal courts for nearly a year. Brady played for a team that cheated…and Brady cheated.

Tom Brady is just lucky in life. He married a supermodel. He’s been to ten Super Bowls. There are entire teams that haven’t been to one Super Bowl (Lions, Browns, Texans, and Jaguars), yet Brady’s been to ten. Then he goes to Tampa, a team that’s sucked since their last Super Bowl and in his very first year, he gets them back to the Super Bowl. They lost twice to my team last year, yet beat them in the playoffs. The dude is just lucky.

A new reason to hate Tom: He has a company that sells vitamin supplements. During the coronavirus pandemic, Brady started selling at $45 a bottle, a non-FDA approved, homeopathic medley of vitamins that allegedly will “activate your immune system.” And then…you’re gonna love this shit, kids…the company got nearly $1 million from the first Coronavirus relief package. Our tax money gave Tom Brady, who is worth around $200 million, a million bucks to hawk his snake oil. Technically, it’s a loan, but since he’s Tom Brady, he’s not gonna have to pay that loan back.

And on top of everything already listed, Tom Brady is a Trump supporter.

And now, Tom is going back to the Super Bowl at 43 years of age, looking like he’s 23, and he should be the underdog going up against the team that won it all last year, the Kansas City Chiefs. But since he’s Tom Brady, there’s some supernatural shit happening when teams play against him. Also, he has home-field advantage. No team has ever played at home during a Super Bowl. But naturally, the game is in Tampa…in the Buccaneers stadium. Fuck life. I mean, have they already put Tom Brady’s name on the trophy yet?

Now I don’t know if Tom Brady has received a vaccination for the coronavirus, but since he’s Tom Brady, it wouldn’t surprise me.

So I never did like Tom Brady. But now, I hate the guy. And if you don’t hate Tom Brady, why not?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vaxxing The Game


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Singing In The Covid Rain


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Science and facts took a back seat during the Trump era. Who am I kidding? Back seat? Facts weren’t even along for the ride. Sean Spicer’s very first press conference was about the crowd size for Trump’s inauguration and how it was the “biggest attended and viewed in history.” And yeah, it was all fun and chuckles for a while, but when lives were on the line, it stopped being funny and became infuriating.

Donald Trump lied about the coronavirus…repeatedly. He didn’t just lie or make inaccurate comments. From the recordings between Trump and Bob Woodward, Donald knew he was lying.

It was a year ago that the first case of the coronavirus was detected in this country. When we had 15 cases, Donald Trump said it would soon be down to zero. A year later, we have 24,633,015 cases of the virus and 410,378 deaths.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s leading infectious disease expert , said the “lack of candor or facts” contributed to the number of lives lost during the coronavirus pandemic over the past year.

Just as Donald Trump instigated a white nationalist terrorist attack against our government, he instigated a war on facts and science. He was the ringmaster of lies and the politicization of this disease. Because of Donald Trump, Republicans downplayed the virus and resisted the wearing of face masks and practicing social distancing. For all we know, these idiots stopped washing after going to the rest room. To them, pee fingers may be freedom and liberties.

Dr. Fauci is now liberated. For the past year, he was been held back from delivering briefings on the coronavirus, which have now resumed under the Biden administration.

Speaking to John Berman on CNN this morning, Fauci said he didn’t want it to be a “sound bite,” but said, “I think if you just look at that you can see that when you’re starting to go down paths that are not based on any science at all. That is not helpful at all, and particularly when you’re in a situation of almost being in a crisis with the number of cases and hospitalizations and deaths that we have.”

He continued, “When you start talking about things that make no sense medically and no sense scientifically, that clearly is not helpful.”

You mean things that don’t make sense medically or scientifically like Hydroxychloroquine being a cure…or, oh, I don’t know…injecting sunlight and bleach into the body? Shit like that?

Or maybe shit that didn’t make sense scientifically like holding massive hate rallies and crowded White House events. Trump politicized that and watched it kill his friend, Herman Cain. He politicized the events and watched himself, along with dozens of others in the White House, catch the virus. Do you know who didn’t catch the virus? Dr. Anthony Fauci.

As Dr. Fauci points out, “There’s no secret. We’ve had a lot of divisiveness, we’ve had facts that were very, very clear, that were questioned. People were not trusting what health officials were saying, there was great divisiveness, masks became a political issue.”

The Donald Trump administration killed people.

It went beyond being divisive in the Trump administration. His MAGAts are still attacking Dr. Fauci and portraying him as an evil science overlord shutting down the country while laughing like a maniac. Because of Trump’s attacks assisted from the goons at Fox News over something that never should have been partisan, Dr. Fauci and his family had to get protection. How dare he try to save lies.

In reference to President Biden, not the guy who used to occupy the Oval Office, Dr. Fauci said, “So, what the president was saying, right from the get-go was, let’s reset this. Let everybody get on the same page, trust each other, let the science speak.”

Dr. Fauci said it was “liberating” to work in the Biden administration. He’s free to speak his mind and disagree with the administration. In fact, he already has.

Yesterday, the administration said that the Trump administration left no vaccine distribution plan. One source said, “There is nothing for us to rework. We are going to have to build everything from scratch.” Fauci disagreed.

The doctor said, “We certainly are not starting from scratch. You can’t say it was absolutely not usable at all.” That’s not a huge endorsement about what Trump left behind. Maybe it’s like an empty peanut butter jar except you can still lick off what’s left under the lid. See? Not entirely unusable. But he did disagree with the administration sources, though not directly with President Joe Biden, who said the Trump administration’s distribution of coronavirus vaccines has been a “dismal failure.” The entire Trump presidency (SIC!) was a dismal failure.

But hey, it’s good to have facts back. It’s good not to be bullshitted over every matter large and small. This is the beginning of repairing the damage from the Trump administration which starts with being honest. Now, good luck convincing the 70 million who believe in deep state Satanic-worshipping pedophiliac lizard people to put on a mask.

Creative note: I’m so out of the habit of drawing cartoons that aren’t about a petty racist orange imbecile, that I didn’t realize this was a positive cartoon until a reader told me so. Maybe that’s why I felt funny about it the entire time I was creating it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Hoaxes and Lollies


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We’ve learned a lot about about the coronavirus over the past year. We’re still learning about it and information changes. We’ve learned that wearing face masks and practicing social distancing is effective in preventing the spread of the virus. We’ve learned that holding MAGA rallies is dangerous beyond spreading racism throughout the nation. And we have learned that downplaying and denying that the virus is dangerous doesn’t make you immune from it.

Herman Cain downplayed the virus and went to a Trump rally, didn’t wear a face mask and didn’t practice social distancing. He’s dead. Luke Letlow was just elected to represent the Louisiana district that includes the place I grew up in. He held many rallies where masks weren’t required. He didn’t advocate precaution. Despite being only 41, Lutlow died from the virus last week.

Knowing that downplaying the virus doesn’t protect you from it, several Republicans have rushed to be first in line to receive the vaccination.

Senators Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and even Rand Paul (who claimed he is immune after catching the virus) have all received vaccines even though each of them downplayed it. Rubio attacked the media for its virus coverage. Ernst claimed hospitals were making up the number of deaths from covid because they get reimbursed for covid deaths (that’s not true). Graham refused to take a test for the virus before a debate despite gooning around with people who were infected.

Some argue it’s good that these deniers and fucknuts who have spent the past four years making this nation a much more dangerous place to live because of their enabling of Donald Trump, should get the virus now. Why? Because it shows the MAGAt and Qanon base that the virus is safe and it doesn’t contain microchips to track their locations. Also, the senators have been tweeting photos of them receiving the virus and we can tell from the pics that the health professionals are not lizard people.

Others say that no matter how they politicized the virus, which led to people dying, these senators should receive the vaccine because they’re VIPs, very important people.

Mike Pence is the leader of the Coronavirus Task Force which did an all-around shitty job of fighting the pandemic. Pence stood by Donald Trump’s side while he lied about the virus and attacked and mocked the people who were fighting it. Mike Pence went on camera to show the world he was getting the vaccine.

And it’s important that the Vice-President (sic) receive the vaccine despite being a part of an administration that watched over 347,000 Americans die. It’s important that he receive the vaccine because Mike Pence is not replaceable. We would not be able to find a bigger ass-kissing toadie troglodyte to stand behind Donald Trump with a fawning look of either adoration or a much-anticipated bowel movement finally happening than we have in Mike Pence.

So, it’s very important that the irreplaceable Mike Pence receive the vaccine a month before we replace him.

As for those senators…we can replace every single one of them. Proof of that is, a few of them are being replaced. We just had an election and we threw out Republicans in Arizona, Nevada, and Colorado. They are being replaced. We’re even replacing a really great senator in Alabama with an idiot who thinks the three branches of government are the House, Senate, and presidency, that the Constitution prevents one party from holding all three, it’s OK to fundraise in federal office buildings (Donald Trump does), that Al Gore was president for 30 days before the Supreme Court (which is NOT one of the three branches) took it away from him, and in World War II, we were fighting socialism. Good job, Alabama in electing a guy with a bachelors degree in physical education.

As for the virus deniers receiving the vaccine to lead by example…nobody follow their examples. It will not convince the conspiracy people to get vaccinated.

Donald Trump spent months challenging the virus. He held rallies and attended super-spreader events. He mocked face masks. He attacked doctors and scientists. We all thought there was no way he would catch the virus because karma had been hitting the snooze button for the past four years. But then, despite holding super-spreader event after super-spreader event and hanging out with infected people repeatedly, Donald Trump shocked the world by catching the virus. In fact, dozens of people attending an event at the White House caught the virus. How did this happen? They said the virus was a hoax. They said it was safe to go without face masks. It was safe to hold huge parties with assholes and racists. They said it was safe to breathe in the same air as Rudy Giuliani despite covid and farts.

Donald Trump was rushed to the hospital in Marine One. He was so panicked, that even he wore a face mask while weebling to the helicopter. A team of medical professionals attended to Trump around the clock and gave him experimental medication which included steroids. And then, Donald Trump went back to holding and attending super-spreader events and mocking and attacking doctors, scientists, and anyone else who was taking the pandemic seriously.

After seeing their hero catch the virus and nearly die, did his base start to take the pandemic seriously? Of course not. They’re still in denial and screaming that wearing a face masks is an assault on their freedom and liberty.

So, let’s stop giving the vaccine to the deniers. Or at least stop giving it to them before the rest of us. Marco Rubio is 49. He can wait. He can wait with the rest of us for when it’s available at our local CVS pharmacy. Because even if something tragic and horrible happened like Marco Rubio catching the coronavirus, and as awful as that would be…we can replace him. He represents Florida. Certainly, there’s at least one more insane moron from the Florida available. I’d start in Jacksonville.

We can replace him just like we’re replacing Donald Trump and Mike Pence. Catching the virus can kill you. Replacing stupid Republicans will not.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (12 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Update on book: They’re here but…I forgot to order envelopes. Shit. Envelopes are on the way. I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have assumed I had enough on hand. I swear that about 30 book envelopes disappeared out of my apartment.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Needles And Trust


cjones12192020

When it’s my turn to take the vaccine for the coronavirus, I’m taking it. Granted, I probably won’t be able to until next summer when it’s available at CVS for the general public with an appointment, but I’m still taking it. Even though I had the coronavirus and antibodies may stay with me for a while, there’s no guarantee I can’t catch it again. I’m not invincible like some who had it believe, like Rand Paul and Donald Trump. Plus, scientists say you should get it even if you had the virus.

Polls show 71% of Americans are willing to take the vaccine. Black Americans willing to take it currently stands at 62% which is an increase from three months ago when it was at 50%. Politically, 86% of Democrats are willing to take the vaccine and Republicans…only 56% of them are willing to take the vaccine. Why?

Why do Republicans (white people) mistrust the vaccine more than black Americans? Why do some black Americans mistrust the vaccine at all? Black Americans have a good reason. White Republicans (I know. Redundant), do not.

From 1932 to 1973, the U.S. government, along with Tuskegee University, conducted a study of the effects of syphilis in black men. They told the men they were receiving free health care. That was a lie. The government was studying the effect of syphilis being untreated in black men with some of them only receiving a free lunch. Oh, look. All your shit just fell off. Here, have a sandwich.

The men were not told about the study. The government finally came clean only after being caught by the free press (which is why we want a free press), and during the 90s, President Bill Clinton formally apologized on behalf of the United States.

So today, when the government shows up with a vaccine and a needle saying, “Trust us,” you can’t blame black people for being a little wary. I guarantee you the black Americans willing to take the virus have done their research on it and aren’t just taking it nilly-willy, because there have been times in our history that after trusting the government to handle their health, willies fell off.

So, why do white conservatives fear the virus? Is it because of 400 years of being enslaved by the government? No. Is it after centuries of racism and being treated as second and third-class citizens? No. Was it because for decades, their right to vote was disenfranchised? No. Is it because racism against whites is still applied today in hiring, education, housing, economics, entertainment, and basically every fucking thing in this nation? No. None of that shit ever happened to whites, yet if you listen to a white conservative, they’re the most persecuted and victimized people in history. But, they often have to invent the persecution. For example, their lies and conspiracy theories being removed from a social media platform is persecution.

When it comes to the Tuskegee study on black men, I guarantee you that most white conservatives aren’t familiar with it. Why? Because it wasn’t a study on white men. White people, as a group, don’t care about stuff unless it happens to white people.

Are you familiar with the presidential daily briefings and the only way Trump can pay attention is if his name and photos of him are included? Yeah, white people are like that. Santa Claus is white. Barbie is white. Until recently…and still happening here and there, every movie based in the Middle East, Africa, or Asia had a white cast. It was only a few years ago that Emma Stone played an Asian. She’s a great actress and I love her, but she’s not Asian and doesn’t even look a tiny bit Asian, no matter how hard you squint. Why do they do that? Partly because of racism but mostly because white people won’t watch a movie without white people…and mostly about racism. Even white churches have white Jesus. Pay attention! Look, we have a white Jesus!!!

When Black Panther came out, black Americans finally had a superhero in a major universal movie that looked like them. Most critics and Marvel fans put it within the top three of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) movies. White conservatives say it’s worse than the Hulk movies, which is a white guy turning into a green guy.

So what from the past makes white conservatives so distrustful of the vaccine? I heard some say we can’t trust it because it was developed so fast, which is contradictory to them giving Donald Trump all the credit for it being developed so fast. Some are skeptical because the flu vaccine, which we’ve been taking in one form or another since the 1940s while the government was also forcing black men to live with syphilis, is only about 50% effective while the coronavirus vaccine has a 94% efficacy rate in testing. We talked about the difference between “effective” and “efficacy” earlier in the week. I even saw a post this morning saying we can’t trust Pfizer because they can’t count the number of doses accurately in a vial.

But, the biggest reason white conservatives don’t trust the vaccine is because they’re fucking nuts. They’re all paranoid schizophrenics who would rather believe in conspiracy theories than facts. Currently, 82% of Trump voters think the election was a scam, rigged, a total sham and Donald Trump was robbed and he’ll remain president after the inauguration on January 20. That’s 82% of an entire major political party believing a lying president (sic) without any evidence to support his lies…despite the information being readily available.

But white people are always persecuted…even if they have to make it up. Take the War on Christmas. Fun fact: There has NEVER been a war on Christmas. White people scream and moan if Starbucks doesn’t put Jesus on a coffee cup. Starbucks should put black Jesus on a cup and see what happens.

On an episode of Black Jeopardy, a popular sketch on Saturday Night Live where black contestants compete, Tom Hanks plays Doug, a Trump-supporting contestant. The sketch points out how remarkable it is that white conservatives and back people share a distrust of the government and corporate America while also sharing a love for Tyler Perry movies. In the category, “They Out Here Saying,” the answer was, “They out here saying, ‘The new iPhone wants your thumbprint ‘for your protection.'” Doug answers correctly with the question, “What is, ‘I don’t think so. That’s how they get ya.'” He follows up with, “I read that goes straight to the government.”

He later gives the correct question, “C’mon, they already decided who wins before it happens” to the answer, “They out here saying, ‘every vote counts.'” But for black Americans, their votes historically didn’t count because they weren’t allowed to vote. Republicans are still disenfranchising their votes. White conservatives they believe their vote didn’t count because they’re sore losers. Fortunately for Doug, the skit ended right as they got to the category, “Lives That Matter.”

Many of the white people who distrust the vaccine are the same people who believe the government is operated by a deep state of Satan-worshipping reptilian cannibalistic pedophiles. They believe that’s the swamp Donald Trump is draining despite hiring his own family members to run the government. They also keep adding new additions to the swamp, like Christopher Krebs, William Barr, and three Supreme Court justices, people Donald Trump hired.

A black person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because of the government’s past. A white person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because it’ll give you autism, cancer, make you sterile, and implant a chip inside you that’s a tracking device. Seriously.

Mike Pence is going to publicly take the vaccine. Donald Trump, without publicly subscribing to the conspiracy theories, is not going to publicly take the vaccine…and they’re saying he won’t take it at all.

Here’s my distrust of the government: Donald Trump will take the vaccine, but he won’t let you know because he doesn’t want to upset his base of fucknuts. Donald Trump needs his base to remain crazy and believing in conspiracy theories. If they can keep believing the vaccine will plant a tracking device inside you and that baby-eating lizard people are running the government, then they’ll believe any crazy shit Donald Trump tells them. And when it comes to white people being victimized, Donald Trump is the most victimized and unfairly treated person in the universe. Never mind the fact he’s a billionaire who lived in a golden penthouse. White conservatives are the biggest believers in crazy shit…then acting on their crazy beliefs.

Who shot a rifle at a pizza parlor believing Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring in the basement? A white guy. Who shot up an abortion clinic in Colorado Springs, killing several, because he believed they were selling aborted baby body parts? A white guy. Who kidnaped an air conditioning repair man last week and held him hostage for several days because he thought the guy was hauling illegal ballots? A white guy. Who wanted to kidnap the female of governor of Michigan because she was destroying their “freedom?” A bunch of white guys. Who wrote that Kars-For-Kids jingle? A white guy! Which group is the number one terrorist threat in this nation? White men, specifically, white supremacists.

We’ve come a long way since the Tuskegee Study. It’s right to have questions, but don’t be a nut about it. Do your part for your country, your community, your family, and take the vaccine. Don’t be like a Trump supporter. Don’t be a MAGAt. These are people you really don’t want to have anything in common with.

And because of these people, the Dougs, we need as many of us as possible who are rational to take the vaccine. The more people who take it, the less the virus can spread. Do your part. Social distance, stay home, wear a facemask, and take the vaccine.

If you don’t, I’m sending the lizard people. They know how to get ya.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (16 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Super-Spreader Winner


cjones11052020

Sometimes people forget that I draw for news outlets and not for social media. This is a post-election cartoon because my clients will need something to put on their pages for Wednesday before they know who won. It’s kinda hard to draw these without making them suck.

One thing is for certain beyond Tuesday and that’s that a lot of doctors, nurses, and hospitals are going to still be dealing with the Trump Virus…partly thanks to Donald Trump’s super-spreader events. That’s MAGA for you.

No long blog again. That’s coming later today.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Science Schmience


cjones10222020

Donald Trump has always been at war against facts and science. And even after catching the coronavirus, he hasn’t learned anything from it except that he’ll receive special treatment.

At one of his rallies, Trump was boasting about how many doctors he had while also telling his flock of fucknuts, don’t let the virus scare you. It’s amazing he’s obtuse to the point that he’s boasting about his level of treatment while putting others in danger who won’t receive that same treatment.

You should not take Donald Trump’s advice regarding the coronavirus any more than you should go to him for marriage advice…unless you want a divorce.

In a call with campaign staff on Monday, Donald Trump said, “People are tired of Covid.” That’s true. We are tired of Covid. We’re tired of a president (sic) ignoring it, putting more Americans in danger, and making it harder to reopen this nation and resuming our normal everyday lives.

Donald Trump also said, “I have the biggest rallies I’ve ever had. And we have Covid. People are saying: ‘Whatever. Just leave us alone.’ They’re tired of it.” I don’t know if we should gauge the population by people too stupid to follow the habits of a guy who caught the coronavirus, and doesn’t change his habits.

Then, Donald Trump called Dr. Anthony Fauci and other scientists, “Idiots.”

“People are tired of hearing Fauci and these idiots, all these idiots who got it wrong,” said the guy who ignored his own government’s guidelines and caught the virus.

At a rally in Nevada yesterday, Trump warned his attendees that if elected, “Joe Biden will ‘listen’ to the scientists.” Oh no! An intelligent president. What’ll that be like?

“If I listened totally to the scientists, we would right now have a country that would be in a massive depression,” said the president (sic) presiding over an economy in a massive depression and a nation where over 220,000 people have died from the coronavirus. Fact: None of those 220,000 was airlifted to Walter Reed Medical Center to receive experimental treatment from a team of 14 doctors.

Let’s take stock: Donald Trump ignored CDC and his own coronavirus taskforce’s guidelines. Donald Trump ignored guidelines for wearing face masks. Donald Trump ignored social distancing. Donald Trump continued to hold super-spreader events. Donald Trump’s friend, Herman Cain, died after attending one of these super-spreader events. Donald Trump held a super-spreader event at the White House where over a dozen people caught the coronavirus. At that same White House super-spreader event, Donald Trump caught the coronavirus. As soon as he felt better, Donald Trump resumed holding super-spreading events.

So yeah, it’s the scientists who are the idiots.

Donald Trump can attack Dr. Fauci all he wants, but last I looked, Dr. Fauci still hasn’t caught the coronavirus.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Failed Hoax


CNN10042020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

There was hope that Donald Trump having the coronavirus would change his messaging of the pandemic…and more importantly, change how his base behaves with it.

Nope.

Donald Trump said he went to the “school of covid.” He fully understood it now…then tweeted he may be immune to it, despite testing positive and going to the hospital for three nights. He may have gone to the “real school,” but like that Ivy League school he got into, he might want to get someone else to take his tests.

If Donald Trump fully understands the coronavirus, then he fully doesn’t give a rat’s flying ass about the danger he’s posing to others. He risked lives with his joyride outside the hospital. He risked lives with his photo-ops inside the hospital. He risked lives leaving the hospital early and returning to the White House for more photo-ops and to immediately make a campaign video. Of course, all without a mask.

Soon after arriving back to the White House, he came out on the balcony, removed his face mask, labored to breathe, then gave a salute. Who was he saluting? The people on the sidewalk facing the south lawn are too far away to tell he’s saluting. So, what the hell? Go to bed, you orange goon and make sure they burn the sheets in the morning, you contagious rancid sack of walking pumpkin shi…

Anyway, now, his base is using his return to the White House to claim the illness isn’t that bad. Or, that it’s really bad but this is just how incredibly strong Donald Trump is. What a superhero. What a super spreader. How many people in the Trump orbit have tested positive now? How many will?

Trump was euphoric tweeting he feels better now than he has in the past 20 years…and his base is claiming this is “owning the libs.” Donald Trump says we shouldn’t be “scared of the virus” or let it “dominate our lives.” It’s a message to his base.

Maybe Donald Trump should message to his base that they won’t receive the same treatment he has. They won’t be placed in Walter Reed hospital. They won’t receive experimental medical treatment. They won’t receive non-stop pampering and medical attention by the world’s top doctors. They won’t have doctors also engaging in spin doctoring. They won’t have steroids to make them feel better than they did 20 years ago.

What Donald Trump needs to message to his base is to wash their hands, practice social distancing, and wear their damn mask.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.