Covid19

Tucker Abuse


Cjones05112021

Covid deniers, the anti-maskers, and the anti-vaxxers are playing the whining game over faux abuse for being flat Earthers. They claim they’re being scorned by society and assaulted for not getting vaccinated and for not wearing face masks. They argue it’s their body and their choice, overlooking that their choice affects other people’s bodies.

Numerous videos have been posted on social media of Kens and Karens wailing inside businesses that require them to wear face masks. These are the same people who champion the rights of a bakery to refuse to make gay wedding cakes. Why does a cake have to straight or gay? Why can’t there just be wedding cakes?

The truth is, nobody is being persecuted for not wearing a face mask or for refusing to be vaccinated. One of the fucknuts who comments on my videos equated discrimination against anti-vaxxers to the Holocaust. As if being seated in a germy section of a restaurant is the same as being ripped from your home, having all your possessions taken, put into forced labor, murdered by the millions, and having your body used to make soap. We already discriminate against smokers. Why can’t we seat anti-vaxxers into the shitty section of restaurant next to the bathrooms? And let’s make those bathrooms unisex just to piss them off further.

I am probably the biggest advocate for treating anti-vaxxers differently. I don’t see anyone on cable news arguing to discriminate against these Flat Earthers. Maybe one or two people believe they should be seated last on an airplane while I think we should make those fuckers walk. I’m willing to meet you half way on this and put them all on Greyhound.

There is no abuse or persecution of people for not wearing face masks. But, there is one guy on cable news advocating for attacking people who are wearing face masks. Of course, I’m talking about Tucker Carlson.

Tucker Carlson is a horrible person. He’s also an idiot. A couple weeks ago on his TV show that’s number one in ratings for Klansmen, he pushed the idea of bullying people for wearing face masks, calling anyone wearing a facemask “liberal zealots” and “neurotics.”

Tucker is fighting to prolong the pandemic. He’s continuing to politicize the pandemic and the effort to return to normal. Tucker is working against our nation. He’s advocating to broaden a public health crisis that’s killed over 580,000 people in this nation.

It gets worse. Tucker argued that making a child wear a face mask outside is child abuse. He said, “As for forcing children to wear masks outside, that should be illegal. Your response when you see children wearing masks as they play should be no different from your response to seeing someone beat a kid in Walmart. Call the police immediately, contact child protective services. Keep calling until someone arrives. What you’re looking at is abuse, it’s child abuse and you are morally obligated to attempt to prevent it.”

“If it’s your own children being abused, then act accordingly. Let’s say your kids school emailed you and announced that every day after lunch, your sixth-grader was going to get punched in the face by a teacher. How would you respond to that? That’s precisely how you should respond when they tell you that your kids have to wear masks on the soccer field. That is unacceptable, it is dangerous, and we should act like it because it is. But too few of us have responded like that, we have been shamefully passive in the face of all of this.”

Tucker is a bully and he’s advocating his viewers to be bullies. He wants everyone to be like Marjorie Taylor Greene and stalk children and scream at them. He wants you to traumatize children by calling the cops on their parents. It’ll be like that lady who called police because she saw black people having a picnic in a public park. And the worst part is, the police showed up.

There are probably police in North Carolina who will respond to a hateful idiot like Tucker over parents having their kids wear face masks. Personally, I think we should call the cops on parents who force their children into mullets.

Tucker also believes seeing someone outdoors in a face masks is like seeing a man “expose himself in public.” Fantasizing it was happening to him, Tucker said, “That’s disgusting, put it away please, we don’t do that here.” It seems he put a lot of thought into this naked man in public thing. Why is Tucker obsessed with naked men? It’s not like seeing a woman expose herself in public? Does Tucker count penises to fall asleep? Live on TV, he was fantasizing about naked men. Go figure.

Tucker told his viewers to walk up to people wearing a mask outside, not just over their children wearing one, and say, “Your mask is making me uncomfortable.” Here’s a fact: If I’m wearing a mask outdoors, the only thing it has to do with you is that it’s keeping you safe.

If you’re outside away from people or in a small group, the CDC says you can take your mask off. But if you’re uncomfortable with that, go ahead and wear your face mask. Why should anyone care? If my face mask is making you uncomfortable, then does that give me the right to tell you that your MAGA shirt is making me uncomfortable? Can I tell assholes toting guns around in public they’re making me uncomfortable? What about an asshole in a car with his windows down playing Toby Keith? Can I scream at that guy?

Sure, if a guy is outside with his penis exposed and he’s shaking it at you, you have a right to be uncomfortable. But it’s not the same thing as wearing a face mask.

I’m not in favor of changing health policy based on what makes Tucker Carlson comfortable. That’s how it is with these white conservative men who are selfish. It’s all about what makes them comfortable. It also applies to when their white privilege is threatened. They championed Kyle Rittenhouse driving across state lines because protesting against police violence made them uncomfortable. Donald Trump tear-gassed a crowd outside the White House for a photo-op and because they made him uncomfortable. Several states are now crafting legislation making it legal to run over protesters for making you uncomfortable.

Tucker equated wearing a face mask to punching a child in the face. Hmmmm. I’m thinking Tucker has never actually been punched in the face and that makes me very sad. How is it possible that a fucker like Tucker has never been punched in the face? How do you look like THIS and never get punched in the face? Oh yeah, Swiss boarding schools and white privilege. Perhaps he should be punched in the face just so he knows how wrong his comparison of face punches and face masks is. Punching Tucker Carlson in the face would actually be a public service since he has a nightly show where he attempts to provide Nazis with “information.” If he understands that being punched in the face is nothing like wearing a face mask, that would be a good thing for Fox News viewers and even Tucker. He might even thank you. Tucker Carlson needs a punch in the face. Society demands it. Can we get #PunchTuckerCarlsonInTheFace trending?

So, any volunteers to educate Tucker and punch him in the face?

Creative note: Yes, those are cicadas in the cartoon. And where are they? It’s May 8 and they’re not here yet. If I don’t get some cicadas soon, I’m going to demand a cicada refund.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vaccine Incentives


Cjones05072021

A little over 30 percent of the population of the United States has been vaccinated. According to the Center for Disease Control, 105,523,520 of us had been vaccinated by 6:00 AM, May 3. Since I got my second vaccination yesterday, we are at least at 105,523,521. Now, President Joe Biden wants 70 percent of us to have received at least one shot by July 4th, making that day not just a celebration of American independence, but also independence from COVID19.

Only problem with reaching that goal is there are not enough of us wanting the vaccine. Supplies of vaccines are not the problem. Demand is. Let’s not be like India, which exported more vaccines than it was giving to its population.

Everyone who wanted the vaccine before the rollout has probably received at least one shot by now. There are all sorts of reasons why people refuse to get the vaccine. Some refuse out of politics and others refuse out of fear. All of it’s misplaced. You probably have a greater chance of dying from whatever you’re doing right now than from receiving the vaccine. For the record, nobody has died from reading this blog yet.

Last night, I was watching the handoff from Chris Cuomo’s show to Don Lemon’s on CNN. That’s my favorite part of the night. During this one, they both said they wanted to see incentives for people who have received the vaccine. This is very unpopular with the MAGAts but I think it’s a wonderful idea.

Some states and businesses are offering incentives. Some Dunkin Donuts locations are offering free donuts. I saw somewhere that Budweiser is offering a free beer. If you’re a genuine beer lover, you should get the vaccine despite that.

State employees in Maryland are getting $100 for being vaxxed which is like when my former employer offered every smoker a hundred bucks to quit that filthy habit…back when newspapers had a hundred bucks. The city of Detroit is giving a prepaid debit card worth $50 to anyone giving someone else a ride to get the vax. New Jersey is offering a shot (a whiskey shot, dummy) and a beer to everyone getting the vax. In Los Angeles, a City Council member and a multi-faith cultural arts center is offering a free bag of produce which doesn’t sound enticing at all unless that produce is the Devil’s Lettuce.

Dr. Megan Ranney, an emergency physician at Brown University who specializes in public health research, said, “As humans we often respond better to carrots than sticks.” Still, I think we should take some sticks and beat those fuckers refusing to get the vax.

While these incentives are being promoted, what’s being overlooked is that the vaccine is already free. Nobody is giving you a free toaster to open a bank account here. They’re offering incentives for a free vaccine to save your life, the lives of people around you, and your country.

The biggest whiners, those screaming about “liberating” the country, and that their freedom has been assaulted because they have to wear a face mask to Jiffy Lube are the same exact people refusing to get the vaccine. Some Republicans are also making legislation to hurt the rollout. Florida’s dumbass racist governor, Ron DeSantis, is making vaccine passports illegal in his backward state. We should have vaccine passports.

By the way, all I got yesterday for getting the vax was a rubber wristband reading, “Got the shot.” Is that enough proof to get me into New York City?

What Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo were talking about is that people who have received the vaccine should actually be treated better. I agree.

I got the vaccine. I had to take two trips out of my schedule to do it. I did it for myself but I also did it for my community and my nation. Does that make me a hero and a patriot? Why, yes. Yes it does. Does it make me better than those refusing to get the vaccine? Once again, yes it does.

People who care about other people are better than those who don’t. If you’re a jerk who only thinks about himself, yes. We are better than you. And I’m normally a pretty selfish guy. Ask my ex-girlfriend.

People who are getting the vaccine know that reaching herd immunity will open the nation faster. It will get us back to normal, or at least something close to it. We’re not doing it just for ourselves. People refusing to do so are being selfish.

I had an online conversation with one of my conservative colleagues recently and every reason he gave for not being vaccinated was about him. He thought it was too much of a risk to HIM and said that HE didn’t need it. Nobody was going to tell HIM what to do because HE was a freedom lover. He didn’t once mention anyone else. He’s a selfish asshole.

So, when I and that selfish asshole get to the gate at the airport at the same time, they should let me on first. When we get to a restaurant at the same time, I should be seated first. Maybe make an incentive that everyone at the airport who hasn’t been vaxxed gets a body cavity search. Maybe at Amtrak stations too…and restaurants. At Taco Bell, you’ll be screaming, “That’s not a chalupa!”

I’m not making this about me. I’m making this about all of us.

Those of us trying to get back to normal, who are doing our part, should get some perks. Not because we’re awesome but because, quite frankly, we’re a lot safer to deal with…in addition to being awesome. If I owned a restaurant, I would rather seat vaccinated people than contaminated motherfuckers.

I’m not saying red carpets should be rolled out for us…just that we should come first because we did more. If you’re in a boat lost at sea with a crew, and everybody helps paddle to shore except for one jerk, then that jerk should be made to get off the boat last, if not thrown overboard. The people refusing to be vaccinated are not helping the country, but they sure are the loudest about it.

If you really want this nation to reopen, to be “liberated,” then get the fucking vax, you whiny ass baby. Also, stop wearing your face mask with your nose sticking out. That’s just obnoxious and it really pisses me off.

And everyone who does get the vax should be given a bag of produce…a bag of rotten produce to pelt the anti-vaxxers.

Personal note: I have never had a churro but it seems like everybody loves them.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Anti-Vaxxer Paradise


Cjones05032021

I’ll write a blog for this cartoon later today. It’s the first of the month (in case you’re a Republican, May), and I need to get to my post office and I’d like to do it before noon.

Other than that, both of my proofers, Hilary and Laura, had very strong reactions to today’s cartoon. I acknowledge, this is terrible.

Now for the blog:

I got an Uber to my post office and made it within a minute of the window closing. As it turned out, I didn’t need it but you never know. Sometimes I have package or the mail ladies have put someone else’s mail into my box. Anyway, I decided to stop at a bar to write this and get some food afterward. As I got to the bar, I discovered stools were back at the bar.

See, over the past year, there has been no sitting at bars in Virginia. What this means is, you sit at a table away from the bar and you’re supposed to be six feet apart from other people. If you want to meet a bunch of covid deniers, go to a bar.

Bars have been forced to comply with state covid rules. Of course, they hate that. Covid has hurt their business just as it’s hurt everyone else’s business. But bars have taken it personally. I can see why they want to be covid deniers since they have often been hotspots.

As I came into this bar, I asked about the seats at the bar, and the bartender told me it was OK now. These stools are not six feet apart and I know that rule is still in effect. I asked about this and she said, “Yeah, but we don’t care.”

That’s it right there. They don’t care. They don’t care about quarantines, social distance, or face masks and they’re all forms of oppression being inflicted by a Marxist government and the entire experience is worse than the Holocaust…if you listen to these people. On top of all that, they’re anti-vaxxers.

People have different reasons to oppose the vaccine. When I ask someone while I’m out in public (which is not often) if they’ve have or plan to get vaccinated, my question is usually met with resistance. I try not to challenge them and explain that I’m just taking a personal poll. I haven’t talked to anyone in person who is afraid of microchips in the vaccine and is waging a political war against it. Every one of the individuals I have talked to is  afraid or suspicious of the vaccine while also not identifying him/herself as anti-vaxxers.

I was talking to a young lady earlier this week who told me she was afraid because she heard covid vaccines can make some people sterile. There is no research supporting that but she believes it anyway. Others are suspicious because the vaccines are new and they don’t believe they’ve been tested enough. They don’t want to be guinea pigs. Add to that, the recent worries of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine giving blood clots as a rare side effect. Other people are just resistant to any vaccinations.

Covid cases in this country are going down and we may be at 60% immunity nationwide from vaccinations and people who have already contracted covid. Now, as the Biden administration is trying to convince more Americans to become vaccinated, the numbers of people getting vaccines are dropping. I’m looking forward to next week when I receive my second injection and I can see if the lines are just as long as they were three weeks ago when I got my first.

Leave it to the United States to make fear and politicization of vaccination to the coronavirus a first-world privilege. The people who complain the most about the pandemic robbing their liberties are the same assholes who don’t want to help in getting rid of the virus. While we’re refusing to vaccinate despite the availability of vaccines, thanks to having an adult president who tackles problems instead of gaslighting them, India is on fire.

These anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers politicizing the virus and acting like the pandemic is an assault on their liberties remind me of Libertarians.

Despite wanting a nation of zero regulations, no taxes, and no government authority whatsoever, you don’t see Libertarians moving to live in the mayhem that’s Somalia. Somalia is a libertarian paradise. Maybe none of them wants to wear puffy pirate shirts. Who knows. And you don’t see these anti-vaxxers moving to India to relish an environment of no face masks or vaccine shaming.

In India, only about two percent of the nation has been vaccinated. Its President, Nerandra Modi, is presenting a smiling face of denial about the pandemic while his nation has entered a second phase. In fact, the pandemic has not affected his proclivity for hugging.

Each day since April 22, India has recorded more than 300,000 new cases. On most days, India is recording more new cases than half the world, which Modi and Donald Trump probably both believe is flat. New Delhi, the capital, is now running out of wood for cremations and hospitals are full and lacking oxygen. Modi’s government is rejecting responsibility for failing to recognize that new variants were coming, and is blaming India’s state governments. Where have we heard that one before?

As our first relief checks had Trump’s signature, a vaccine passport in India has Modi’s face. These cretins want credit for the good stuff but none for the bad. We should be calling the coronavirus the “Trump Virus” in the United States, and in India, it should be the “Modi Virus.”

In India, the rate of vaccinations declined as the nation believed it was out of the woods. Over 300 million of India’s population are illiterate while the Trump cultist population of the United States is willfully ignorant. India had the vaccines. They exported over 66 billion to help other nations. Now, they need vaccines to be imported.

We can not ignore the pandemic. We can’t afford to politicize this. We can’t afford not to get vaccinated. We can’t afford to let our guards down. And, we can’t afford to sit at the bars.

Speaking of, I decided to sit at the bar as there was no one else here other than a couple of goobers at the gambling machines. Shortly after starting this column, the bar filled up and I was surrounded by mask-less bikers who were ignoring the six-foot rule. I am still not comfortable with that. I don’t believe we can be comfortable with that. I left the bar for a corner table far away from everyone, but they keep getting closer. I haven’t even ordered food yet but I may have to bail.

We can’t afford to let our guard down but when this pandemic is over and we can finally sit close to each other, I’m still going to want most of you fuckers to stay the fuck away from me.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Maskless Ban


CNN04182021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vaccine Passport


Cjones04132021

What are vaccine passports and why are they so controversial?

Let’s address the controversial part first. They’re controversial because Republicans whine about everything. White male conservatives are the most persecuted group in world history…if you listen to them. They made the coronavirus political. They denied it existed. They politicized wearing face masks. They tried to downplay the deaths and are still working to remove the virus as the cause for many of them. They were willing to sacrifice their grandparents and children to reopen the economy to help Donald Trump’s reelection. A lot of Republicans are claiming the vaccine is a way for the government to track you. And leave it to Republicans to make something racist out of the virus. Republicans think being denied the ability to discriminate against other people is discrimination against them.

Now, they’re upset over there being passports for the vaccine. Red hillbilly states like Florida and Texas, home to such evil sports teams as the Buccaneers and Cowboys, are trying to outlaw the passports. But what is the vaccine passport?

The vaccine passport is a digital chip the government inserts inside your brain so when you try to enter someplace, like a football stadium, a grocery store, or your local center for indoctrination and re-education, someone can scan your head to confirm it’s safe for others if you enter. Those who refuse to be vaccinated will be restrained to a chair with their eyelids opened by clamps and forced to watch A Clockwork Orange repeatedly while being fed soylent green through a tube.

Just kidding. There is a severe shortage of soylent green.

Seriously, it’s a digital code you can carry in your smartphone…that’s already tracking you. Right now, Mark Zuckerberg knows where you are…and he wants you to wash your hands before you stick them in what you’re planning to stick them into. He sees you and thinks what you’re doing is disgusting. Ew. You nasty.

It’s not really a passport. It’s a certificate. But these things are not anything new. Proof of vaccinations for various viruses have long been used to gain entry into schools, medical facilities, or other nations.

Let me ask our fucknut friends this question: If someone returns from an Ebola hot zone in Africa, should they show proof they were vaccinated before entering the United States? Conservatives will most likely say yes and that it’s a different circumstance than the coronavirus. I’ll let you work out why that would be different.

Here’s the important detail, kids: The “passport” is NOT a federal thing. Nope. It’s not. Sure, Fox News probably told you some bullshit, between airings of the supposed Hunter Biden sex tape with two women, that it’s being mandated by President Joe Biden and they’re going to send Susan Rice house to house checking for passports, and those who don’t have them will be placed on trains because if they’re allowed to continue running around all willy-nilly like, they’ll make it difficult to steal the next election from Donald Trump.

That’s the equivalency Republicans are using. It’s just like when Nazis branded Jews, then put them on trains, melted the gold in their teeth so Hitler could buy more paintings to hide in Switzerland, branded them with numbers, then murdered them in gas chambers and used their bodies for soap. Sure, showing a QR code on your iPhone to enter Costco to purchase 88 gallons of mayonnaise is exactly like that. It’s crazy, right? Who needs that much mayonnaise?

It should be noted the federal government has NOT mandated that you receive a vaccine. These so-called passports are for local governments and businesses to decide. Say you get a vaccine and the provider gives you a code. It’s up to businesses to decide if they require you to have it to enter, though Florida and Texas want to outlaw businesses from being able to do this.

I had a conversation with a cartoonist friend fairly recently. We’ll call him Glenn. Glenn says he had the coronavirus a few months ago and he will not be taking the vaccine. He argued more people have died from the vaccine than from a second case of the virus. Glenn’s argument is based on ignorance. It ignores there are variants of the virus. It ignores we don’t have all the information on these variants yet. He ignores that the CDC advises you to get the vaccine even if you had the virus. He also believe face masks are stealing liberty. But the one thing that really stood out to me about Glenn’s argument was that it was all about Glenn.

Glenn only talked about how getting the vaccine would affect Glenn. He didn’t talk about how it would affect those around him, his family and friends, or society in general. Glenn is a Trump-supporting racist fucknut. He loves MAGA terrorists and false equivalencies. He loves using conspiracy theories to push baseless arguments. He believes he’s a patriot while demanding the nation reopen while not personally offering any sacrifices of his own to reopen the nation…like taking the vaccine. Glenn also supports voter IDs that are mandated…wait for it…by the government.

Seriously. Is this a false equivalency? No, it’s not. Voting is a constitutional right. You should not have to pay for an ID to vote. You should not have trouble getting an ID to vote. Republicans want the government to mandate that an ID must be presented to vote. Republicans also want it to be as difficult as fucking possible to get an ID to vote…if you’re black. But, they want a bakery to have the right to refuse to make a gay wedding cake with two baseball player figurines on the top, but not the right to require you have proof of a vaccination to enter.

Personally, I’m for a federal mandate where every conservative Trump-supporting fucknut is branded on the forehead just so we know what we’re dealing with when we encounter them. We can call it the “Aldo Raine Program.” While we’re at it, we should brand those who think they need 88 gallons of mayonnaise.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Paul’s Peckers


cjones03212021

Normally, when Rand Paul gets his ass kicked, it’s in a political debate. In 2017, he literally got his ass kicked by one of his neighbors in his gated community in Kentucky.

Reportedly, the scuffle was over yard work and Paul claimed he was ambushed from behind right after he got off his riding lawnmower. His attacker was five-foot-six and weighed about 140 pounds (which would be like getting attacked by a 13-year-old boy), and left Rand Paul with six broken ribs.

Tim Pritts, a doctor at the University of Cincinnati Medical School (who didn’t treat Paul) said six broken ribs is “more consistent with a car accident, or a fall down a flight of stairs, or even from the top of a building.” He said, “I’ve seen a few from people getting kicked by horses.” Rand Paul did not get kicked by a horse, or a cow, or a gopher, and thank god for that because a kick from any one of those might have killed him.

What is it with the tough guy Republicans? You got one in Texas who kisses the ass of a man who calls his wife ugly and accuses his father of murder and then you got another in Kentucky getting his ass kicked by guys no larger than….hmmmm. No larger than someone like Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Now, I’m not suggesting Dr. Anthony Fauci leap from his table and physically assault Rand Paul the next time he accuses the medical expert of “theater” or attempts to bully and shout him down…I’m just saying I think 80-year-old Dr. Fauci can take him.

Yesterday’s exchange between Paul and Fauci wasn’t the first. And for Fauci’s sake, I hope it’s the last. Dr. Fauci is the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the chief medical advisor to the president and it’s beneath him to have to argue science with the likes of Rand Paul, who is a self-certified eye doctor.

Yes, Rand Paul created a commission that certifies eye doctors, stacked it with members of his own family who then certified him…and his certification still expired. Apparently, it’s easier to become a doctor in Kentucky than on an island in the Caribbean.

I tweeted yesterday, “If I need information on the coronavirus and I can go to either Dr. Anthony Fauci, an expert on disease and viruses or Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor, I’m going to Dr. Fauci, the expert on viruses. Duh! Now, if I need to talk to an expert about my eyes….oh, fuck it. I’m still going to Dr. Fauci.”

I would not see Rand Paul for an ingrown toenail. I wouldn’t ask the guy how to get rid of dandruff…and looking at his hair, why would I? Maybe ask him how to get rid of birds nesting in it. But no, I wouldn’t consult Rand Paul on anything medical. And that’s why it’s such a laugh and absurd when he takes on Dr. Fauci on the subject of science.

Who is Rand Paul going to lecture next? Maybe he’ll school Steven Spielberg on how to direct movies. Maybe he’ll give Denzel Washington acting lessons. Perhaps he would have instructed Julia Child on how to make a soufflé. Or, he can advise Donald Trump on how pay hush money after raw-dogging porn stars. It would be like any time someone on Fox News talks about journalism.

Rand Paul believes his neighbor kicked his ass over politics. His other neighbors believe it’s more of an issue of Rand Paul being an asshole and not being aware of it. Watching the hearings from yesterday, or any other time Rand Paul has ever opened his mouth, you get the impression it’s the asshole thing. And maybe he is aware of it because Rand Paul is the kind of asshole to know he’s an asshole and yet continue to be an asshole. Rand Paul owns the only ass in Washington Lindsey Graham won’t kiss.

Rand Paul caught the coronavirus and while waiting for the test results, continued to roam about the Capitol, visiting the gym (gotta build the muscles in case there’s another dwarf attack), and swam in the pool. He didn’t consider those around him…which is typical selfish behavior for a Republican. Since he caught the virus, which shockingly did not kill him, he has believed he is immune. Maybe it’s like that medical certification and he believes after getting it once, he’ll never need it again. Now, Paul has refused to EVER wear a mask or to get vaccinated. Even Donald Trump, who caught the virus and received the world’s best medical treatment, got vaccinated. It was a secret for at least two months, but he still did it.

Rand Paul went after Fauci yesterday and said, “You’re telling everyone to wear a mask. If we’re not spreading the infection, isn’t it just theater? You have the vaccine and you’re wearing two masks, isn’t that theater?”

Dr. Fauci replied, “Here we go again with the theater. Let’s get down to the facts.” And Dr. Fauci laid out the facts.

Dr. Fauci told Paul, “I agree with you, that you very likely would have protection from wild type for at least six months if you’re infected,” but pointed out there is no protection from some of the more infectious variants, like the one one first found in South Africa. The variants are a “good reason for a mask,” he said.

But, Rand Paul is an asshole. He said, “You’re making policy based on conjecture!” Paul interrupted Fauci and accused him of wanting people to wear masks “for another couple of years” and said, “You’ve been vaccinated and you parade around in two masks for show. If you already have immunity, you’re wearing a mask to give comfort to others. You’re not wearing a mask because of any science.”

Right there is the biggest sign of what a jerk Rand Paul is. He used the word “parading” to describe Fauci being safe. No, Rand. “Parading” is not what you do by being considerate of others and wearing a mask…or even two masks. “Parading” is what Nazis and Klansmen do to celebrate Republican victories.

Dr. Fauci is correct. The Center for Disease Control’s guidelines state those who have been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 should still wear a mask in public. But, hey…I’m sure this self-certified eye doctor who lost his certification knows more about the coronavirus than the CDC or the nation’s top infectious diseases expert.

I admire Dr. Fauci. I admire his honesty, candor, and professionalism. I also admire him for not leaping over the table and beating Rand Paul to death with his own nameplate. Rand Paul got his ass beat over the way he cut his grass. How in the hell did he not get pummeled while lecturing the nation’s top infectious diseases expert on infectious diseases?

And if a pair of love birds ever did nest in that unruly mess on top of Rand Paul’s head, you know at some point they’d peck his eyes out.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Texas Poo Step


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Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who is working hard to be even worse than Rick Perry, has decided the coronavirus pandemic is over and life can return to normal for Texans, or at least for those who didn’t die from the virus or freeze to death from last month’s abnormal cold snap.

The governor has reopened the state entirely without any limitations. This means you can sit at a bar inches next to a stranger. You can get a tattoo of Troy Aikman’s face above your butt crack. You can lick a stranger’s face while on a bus in Houston. You can now cough into the faces of your fellow gun enthusiasts while at the ammo store. You can dine inside a barbeque restaurant and eat barbeque that’s not as good as Memphis barbeque but still better than that North Carolina vinegar-based shit. You can hug your right-wing buddies at the border while looking at the spot where Donald Trump’s wall was never built that Mexico didn’t pay for. You can go to a strip club and have your eye poked out while receiving a lap dance from a girl named “Candy” who has a Russian accent. You can go to Amarillo and ask, “Why the fuck does anyone go to Amarillo?”. You can sit next to an ugly stranger on an international flight to Cancun and listen to him blame the trip on his daughters. Yes, life is returning to normal in Texas which means they’ll soon resume executing people with mental retardation on death row. Texas is a very special place. Sometimes, people in Florida look at Texas and say, “Damn.”

Everyone can sympathize that businesses want to get back to business. Everyone wants to go back to work, even those making just $7.25 an hour which is the minimum wage in Texas (even Florida raised theirs to $8.56). So the governor hastily has reopened the state…but at least that face mask mandate is still in effect. Do what now? He rescinded that too?

Greg Abbott has lifted the mask mandate which is an appeal to everyone who has politicized the virus or doesn’t believe it actually exists. This is also a good way to get people to stop talking about the freeze in the state last month where at least four million people lost power and many lost their lives. The state is still trying to count the deaths with some saying it was around 40 statewide while other officials say there were 86 deaths in Austin alone.

Now, we’re finding out that the governor, who is NOT a doctor or a scientist didn’t speak to any doctors or scientists when making his decision about reopening the state and removing the mask mandate. The governor has a team of four medical advisors and when told what the governor had done, each of them said, “He did what now? Holy fuckballs, I’m moving to Florida!”

I lied. He did talk to one out of the four and that one said it was probably a bad idea. Probably? President Joe Biden accused Abbott of “Neanderthal thinking.” And with all known variants of the coronavirus floating around Houston, the fourth largest city in the nation, removing face masks now is a Neanderthal move.

Texans seems to like putting idiots into power. Greg Abbott accused President Obama of “invading” Texas. During the power outage, he blamed the Green New Deal, which doesn’t exist. Then, he blamed the outage on wind turbines freezing. Wind turbines did freeze, but do you really believe the bulk of Texas’s power comes from green energy? What else do you believe, the Cowboys will win the Super Bowl next year? Wind turbines only account for about 13% of Texas energy and they don’t freeze in Greenland so, try again, Abbott. And then, everyone who didn’t lose power got $9,000 electric bills and said, “Holy fuckballs, I’m moving to Florida.”

Funny thing about all those electric bills: Republicans are all like, “Hey, federal government. Help those people with their bills” because the power companies have to get paid. There’s no talk of the power companies helping anyone.

Texas lost power because its power grid was deregulated. They didn’t want the federal government telling them how to do their power, so a few decades ago, they removed most of their power grids from being connected to other states. Defenders say we need to give this deregulated system of power grids time to stabilize, ignoring that it’s been about three decades already. Then, this state that talks about seceding and that they don’t need no federal control goes crying to the federal government for help anytime the wind whips up a little. Look at Ted Cruz for example. This guy votes against funding when blue states get hit by hurricanes yet begs for federal money every year when a hurricane hits Texas.

This is the state that deregulates everything, tells the nation’s businesses to come to Texas, especially if they’re from California, then has to investigate why a manure plant exploded and killed 15 people.

Yes, Texas? Why are your power grids freezing and your shit factories exploding? Since he’s full of shit, how come Ted Cruz never explodes?

If Texas was its own country, it would be a third-world nation. It would be controlled by climate-change-denying idiots…and Cowboy fans.

I want life to return to normal just as much as anyone else. We liberals do not want businesses to die. We don’t want the economy ruined. We want kids back in school just as bad as everyone else wants it. There are no parents with kids at home saying, “Boy, I hope schools never reopen. This has been so much fun having these kids in my face every single minute where I can’t even shut the bathroom door for three seconds without someone banging on it screaming, MOM!!!!” and…”

And just because conservatives base every decision on “making liberals cry,” that doesn’t mean we’re for face mask mandates because it makes you cry. We don’t need to make you cry. From Mr. Potato Head, to Muppets, to Dr. Seuss, to the WAP song, you cry about everything. We want people to stop dying, even the crying Neanderthals who couldn’t make a P get W A if their lives depended on it.

The best way to reopen everything is if we get rid of this virus. That means everyone should be vaccinated, stay six feet apart from each other, and keep your fucking face mask on your fucking face, fucker.

Of course, another good way to get rid of this virus is if we get rid of Republicans.

If you are in Texas, ignore your government. They’re stupid. Keep your mask on. Continue to practice social distancing. Listen to President Joe Biden. Listen to Dr. Another Fauci. Listen to Dolly Parton. DON’T listen to Ted Cruz. Stop rooting for the Cowboys.

And if you’re in Texas, watch where you step because there’s a lot of Republican bullshit.

Creative note: This cartoon began as they all do, in my head. And while it was in my head, all the speech balloons were coming from Greg Abbott. But then I had the fear people would think the “watch where you step” line was a cheap crack at him for being in a wheelchair. I’m not above delivering a cheap shot when I feel it fits, but not over something like that. So this morning, the cow pie concept came to me and I decided to go that route even though I normally HATE drawing feces and urine. Ew. A lot of cartoonists do it but I’m just not a fan of it. This is another example of me breaking my own rules.

Other note: I know you’re googling the WAP song.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Oh No, Cuomo


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Yesterday, a got an email from an editor in Georgia telling me since there are so many liberal cartoonists, that I should stop drawing liberal cartoons and start drawing conservative ones. This cartoon is not a response to that because I have a bit of integrity. As CNN’s Jake Tapper said regarding this story, “indecent behavior is indecent behavior, regardless of party.”

This may come as a huge shock to you since I am such a left-wing liberal, but I’m not tribal. I’m not partisan. I’m not a member of the Democratic Party. Corruption from Democrats is just as bad as corruption from Republicans.

If I was a conservative cartoonist, I would be jumping all over this while claiming the death rates from the coronavirus are all made up, except in New York, and that Donald Trump shouldn’t be blamed for anything in handling the pandemic. But I’m not a conservative cartoonist. I try to apply the same standards to both parties. If you’re a conservative cartoonist and you’re jumping on Cuomo but ignoring the failures of Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis, you suck as a cartoonist.

I like the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo. He receives a lot of criticism from liberals but I’ve always respected how outspoken and forward he’s come across. During the pandemic, he seemed to be the one political leader delivering straight information, not just to his New York constituents, but to the entire nation. Even though it seemed he made some bad calls regarding nursing homes in his state, he was still coming across as a politician taking the pandemic seriously while the president (sic) was talking about TV ratings and ingesting bleach.

In the early days of the pandemic, Governor Cuomo made a decision to send nursing home patients who had tested positive with the virus back to their nursing homes, in order to make much needed space in hospitals. It was an extremely bad call. More than 9,000 who tested positive were sent back. Over 10,000, many likely infected by the returning patients, died. The Attorney General of New York, Letitia James, said in a report last month that the true total is thousands higher. And now, we have found out there was an ongoing coverup in place.

Melissa DeRosa, one of the governor’s top aides, told Democratic lawmakers in the state that the Cuomo administration rebuffed requests from the Justice Department and state legislature for updated figures for deaths in nursing homes because of fear of a potential federal investigation. She said the administration “froze” when initially asked by state legislators back in August about the issue.

As it turns out, the administration undercounted deaths, possibly by 50%. There are calls in the state, and from Democrats who control the state legislature, to strip Governor Cuomo of his emergency powers that were given to him at the start of this pandemic. It gets worse. There are calls for Cuomo’s impeachment.

I can understand the Cuomo administration not wanting to give the Trump Justice Department anything that would have them investigated by corrupt people, in addition to being politicized by Donald Trump. Who wants to help with that? But you can’t hide deaths. Cuomo did exactly what Donald Trump did, which was undercount deaths. It’s bad when Trump does it. It’s just as bad as when Cuomo does it.

You cannot hide information, especially regarding deaths, because it looks bad on you, or you’ll get in trouble, or it’ll hurt you politically. Mistakes are one thing, coverups are entirely worse.

There needs to be an investigation of this, especially now that Donald Trump doesn’t control the Justice Department. The Biden administration should give this just as much attention as it would if it was a Republican governor.

I feel kinda bad because my last cartoon also contained a cemetery. That one, criticizing Republicans for letting Donald Trump off the hook, has been shared over 1,800 times on Facebook. This cartoon has been on Facebook for over 40 minutes and it’s received zero shares. We can’t always be partisan and tribal. We need to be responsible. Criticizing Andrew Cuomo over this proves we were being serious the last four years when we were criticizing Donald Trump.

Democratic corruption is just as bad as Republican corruption…even if it doesn’t happen as much.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Covid Cheater


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We often treat sports as politics and politics as sports. One difference is you may be so tribal that you can’t admit fault with your political party, but you’ll continue to cheer on your favorite sports team while criticizing the coach, owner, quarterback, and maybe even the entire organization. But you knew you are talking to a real zealot when a person defends Tony Romo.

Sports is like politics in that you get think it’s wrong for a president to issue executive orders, except when he’s your president. It’s like cheering a holding call is against the other team…but complaining when your team gets it.

Sometimes politics is like religion and you’re a member of a party because that’s how you were raised. Maybe if your daddy was a fucknut troglodyte, he never acquired the ability to think critically and he passed it down to you. Most people practice the same religion as their parents. And a lot of people a fans of the teams their parents supported. Basically, people put the same emphasis on choosing a religion as they do a sports team.

There are people who like teams because of the colors, logo, players, etc; most people support a team from their region. I’m one of those. I grew up mostly in Louisiana and I am a New Orleans Saints fan. I also grew up partly in a Chicago suburb and for some reason, the Bears didn’t get to me but the Cubs did. But I like the Saints which means I hate the other teams in the division which works out because there’s nothing to like about any of those teams.

The Atlanta Falcons suck. The Carolina Panthers suck. And for the love of God, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers suck. If the Bucs didn’t play the Saints twice a year, I’d still hate them. Years ago, they fired their coach, Tony Dungy, who had rebuilt them from being the doormat of the league to a team that went to the playoffs repeatedly. But they fired Dungy because he didn’t get them to the Super Bowl. The very next year, with the team Dungy built, the Bucs went to the Super Bowl with John Gruden. John Gruden never built a good team again but to this day, a lot of people think he’s a football genius for inheriting a team someone else built. By the way, Dungy is black and Gruden is white. That’s probably not a factor here but isn’t it indicative of that this country does, a white man taking credit for something a black man built? Go ask Donald Trump about that economy he built.

And in case you don’t follow sports, after Tampa fired Tony Dungy for not getting them to a Super Bowl, he was hired by the Indianapolis Colts, another doormat piece-of-crap franchise, and took them to the Super Bowl.

But I hate the Buccaneers…and I really don’t like Tom Brady. So naturally, the two paired up. Naturally, they’re going to the fucking Super Bowl.

Why would anyone hate Tom Brady? Because he’s Tom Brady.

Tom Brady is a whiner. He whines after every play that doesn’t go his way. What’s worse is, it works. Did you see the NFC championship game against the Packers? Did you see the playoff game against the Saints? And even if he doesn’t whine, I swear there’s a bias from the refs when it comes to Brady or the team he’s on. There are a lot of calls that aren’t called…and a lot of calls that shouldn’t have been. About a decade ago, when Brett Favre lost a championship game, the NFL changed some playoff rules that would have sent him to the Super Bowl. If Brady would have lost against the Packers, I would have expected the league to create another Brady rule. Yes, the league created a rule to protect Tom Brady from getting hit. This was before he started letting air out of his balls.

Tom Brady played for a team that cheated, the Patriots. There was Spygate, where the Patriots filmed other teams’ practices. Then, there was Deflategate, which got Tom suspended for four games which he fought in federal courts for nearly a year. Brady played for a team that cheated…and Brady cheated.

Tom Brady is just lucky in life. He married a supermodel. He’s been to ten Super Bowls. There are entire teams that haven’t been to one Super Bowl (Lions, Browns, Texans, and Jaguars), yet Brady’s been to ten. Then he goes to Tampa, a team that’s sucked since their last Super Bowl and in his very first year, he gets them back to the Super Bowl. They lost twice to my team last year, yet beat them in the playoffs. The dude is just lucky.

A new reason to hate Tom: He has a company that sells vitamin supplements. During the coronavirus pandemic, Brady started selling at $45 a bottle, a non-FDA approved, homeopathic medley of vitamins that allegedly will “activate your immune system.” And then…you’re gonna love this shit, kids…the company got nearly $1 million from the first Coronavirus relief package. Our tax money gave Tom Brady, who is worth around $200 million, a million bucks to hawk his snake oil. Technically, it’s a loan, but since he’s Tom Brady, he’s not gonna have to pay that loan back.

And on top of everything already listed, Tom Brady is a Trump supporter.

And now, Tom is going back to the Super Bowl at 43 years of age, looking like he’s 23, and he should be the underdog going up against the team that won it all last year, the Kansas City Chiefs. But since he’s Tom Brady, there’s some supernatural shit happening when teams play against him. Also, he has home-field advantage. No team has ever played at home during a Super Bowl. But naturally, the game is in Tampa…in the Buccaneers stadium. Fuck life. I mean, have they already put Tom Brady’s name on the trophy yet?

Now I don’t know if Tom Brady has received a vaccination for the coronavirus, but since he’s Tom Brady, it wouldn’t surprise me.

So I never did like Tom Brady. But now, I hate the guy. And if you don’t hate Tom Brady, why not?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vaxxing The Game


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: