Trump’s Starr Defense

Upon hearing that Ken Starr, who probably still has files on Bill Clinton’s sex life underneath his mattress, has been appointed by Donald Trump to serve on his legal defense team for his impeachment trial next week before the United States Senate, Monica Lewinsky tweeted, “This is definitely an ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ kinda day.”

Ken Starr was the Independent Counsel who expanded an investigation into a bad land deal into President Bill Clinton’s sex life. He filed the Starr Report with a Republican Congress alleging that Clinton lied during a sworn deposition about an affair with Lewinsky which led to Congress impeaching Clinton, and ultimately a Senate trial where he was acquitted.

So yeah. Ken Starr being part of a defense that the most lying president in the history of the United States shouldn’t be impeached, years after filing a report that lying about a blowjob is, is an “are you fucking kidding me” kinda day. Ken Starr, who believed Bill Clinton should be impeached for one lie, is going to defend the guy who’s told over 15,000. For Ken Starr, using taxpayer money to extort a foreign nation and ask them to investigate a political opponent and help his reelection campaign isn’t that bad, but Oval Office B-Jays are naughty.

Ken Starr has a thing about sex. Basically, it’s bad when Democrats do it. Remember, he inherited the investigation into a bad land deal and then went to see what was in Clinton’s pants and what he had been doing with it. It must have been impressive because Ken Starr spent four years looking at it. Ken Starr spent tens of millions more on his land deal/blowjob investigation than Robert Mueller ever dreamed of, even with it being 1990s dollars.

When Ken Starr was President of Baylor University, he was forced to resign after covering up a sex scandal involving the school’s football team.

As Independent Counsel, Starr was so keen on impeaching Bill Clinton that he expanded the investigation from a bad land deal into Clinton firing employees in the White House travel office, abuse of confidential FBI files, the Clintons’ involvement with the Rose Law Firm and Madison Guaranty, Vince Foster’s suicide, Paula Jones’ lawsuit against Clinton, and finally, Clinton’s Oval Office fiddling with Monica Lewinsky. It’s a good thing Bill Clinton never wore a tan suit or put mustard on a cheeseburger.

A lot of people weren’t impressed with Ken Starr. One guy said he was “off his rocker, a “lunatic,” a “disaster,” and a “total wacko.” But Starr’s hypocrisy won’t be the only one on display since the guy who made those comments was Donald Trump.

One thing that’s been proven by Trump adding Starr to his legal defense team is that Bill Clinton’s impeachment 20 years ago was nothing but partisan bullshit.

The greatest irony in all of this is that Ken Starr filed a report about Bill Clinton lying under oath, and will now present a legal defense before a bunch of Senators who just did the same.

The 90s are back and they’re giving us Ken Starr, Alan Dershowitz, and Mambo No. 5.

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