Monica Lewinsky

Roughing It, Volume 31


Kids! It’s time for another walk through my butcher shop and see how the meat’s made. Be careful as it can get nasty. Watch where you step.

CNNrough558

I sent this idea to CNN and my editor really liked it. My editor’s only question was, “where are those two guys on the lower right?” It was a good question. I moved them, added a golf club and a cheeseburger, made the city Washington, and it came out like…

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…this.

CNNrough570

I told you to watch where you step. This was actually much nastier in my head. Who am I kidding? All my ideas are nastier in my head. Right now, Donald Trump and John Bolton are making out in there. Now it’s in your head too. Hope you weren’t eating.

CNNrough569I actually drew this rough months ago, and it was overtaken by other aspects of the impeachment issues. Then it came back to me and I roughed it out again because I didn’t feel like scrolling through all my files. There are nearly 600 roughs in that folder. But it turned out like…

cjones02062020

…this. Both versions had golf clubs and cheeseburgers.

CNNrough568

This one didn’t turn into anything.

CNNrough567

Damn Jay Sekulow.

CNNrough565

I drew this before that clusterfuck of a State of the Union.

CNNrough564

If you’ve been to this website before, you know I like the word “goon.” It’s so accurate.

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I kinda like this one.

CNNrough562

I roughed this out several times and intended to make a cartoon out of it. But it was so hard that I gave up. I figured it wasn’t good enough to put that much work into it. Then, someone else did something very close.

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And then, I saw this turn into a Facebook meme. Goddammit!

CNNrough559

I didn’t do this one because I thought there’s been enough Nixon lately.

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This is the argument.

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This one’s turning true.

CNNrough560

I was going to put all their conspiracy theories and various bullshit stances on their shirts, and I forgot. Don Lemon explained he was making fun of Trump and not his supporters. For the record, yes. I’m making fun of all you Trump supporters. I think you’re all a bunch of lying, treasonous, traitorous, racist, sexist, stupid, conspiracy-loving, cult-worshipping deplorable assholes.

CNNrough566

I told you to watch where you step because it was going to get nasty. I hope you weren’t eating.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

This Blows


cjones02062020

If there’s one point where you give up, it’s after you learn that no matter how much you fight, you’re going to lose. That’s the danger of this time.

The United States Senate is saying Trump is guilty. The House Managers proved their case. But none of it matters because they like Trump’s policies or the fact he gives them conservative judges. They’ve given us the same answer over the past three years as to why they accept his behavior, racism, sexism, stupidity, vile ugliness and failure as a decent human being.

If the Senate allows Trump to cheat in an election, does that mean we should just give up on there being a fair one in 2020? Are the results already in? Is the election just an empty practice like they are in autocratic states like Russia or the ones Saddam Hussein ran in Iraq?

The Senate has proven that they’ll not only allow Trump to rape us, that they’ll bend over for him too.

Part of Trump’s strategy is to keep going until we give up. He’s like a three-year-old jumping on your couch. You give up trying to stop the child and accept you’ll eventually have to buy a new couch. You’ve given up on the couch. But I’m not. I’m not buying a new couch. You shouldn’t either. Disclaimer: I did give up on a couch once when I had 11 puppies. But they were cute. Donald Trump, not so much.

Now, if Donald Trump gets serviced by an intern in the Oval Office and then lies about it before a grand jury, what would the Senate say? What if he wouldn’t even admit he did anything wrong and that he’d do it again? The Senate would make frowny faces and say something about his policies being good and yay conservative judges and some other claptrap bullshit like that.

But Donald Trump doesn’t need an intern to do that because yesterday, 51 Republicans in the United States Senate did it for him.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trump’s Starr Defense


cjones01222020

Upon hearing that Ken Starr, who probably still has files on Bill Clinton’s sex life underneath his mattress, has been appointed by Donald Trump to serve on his legal defense team for his impeachment trial next week before the United States Senate, Monica Lewinsky tweeted, “This is definitely an ‘are you fucking kidding me?’ kinda day.”

Ken Starr was the Independent Counsel who expanded an investigation into a bad land deal into President Bill Clinton’s sex life. He filed the Starr Report with a Republican Congress alleging that Clinton lied during a sworn deposition about an affair with Lewinsky which led to Congress impeaching Clinton, and ultimately a Senate trial where he was acquitted.

So yeah. Ken Starr being part of a defense that the most lying president in the history of the United States shouldn’t be impeached, years after filing a report that lying about a blowjob is, is an “are you fucking kidding me” kinda day. Ken Starr, who believed Bill Clinton should be impeached for one lie, is going to defend the guy who’s told over 15,000. For Ken Starr, using taxpayer money to extort a foreign nation and ask them to investigate a political opponent and help his reelection campaign isn’t that bad, but Oval Office B-Jays are naughty.

Ken Starr has a thing about sex. Basically, it’s bad when Democrats do it. Remember, he inherited the investigation into a bad land deal and then went to see what was in Clinton’s pants and what he had been doing with it. It must have been impressive because Ken Starr spent four years looking at it. Ken Starr spent tens of millions more on his land deal/blowjob investigation than Robert Mueller ever dreamed of, even with it being 1990s dollars.

When Ken Starr was President of Baylor University, he was forced to resign after covering up a sex scandal involving the school’s football team.

As Independent Counsel, Starr was so keen on impeaching Bill Clinton that he expanded the investigation from a bad land deal into Clinton firing employees in the White House travel office, abuse of confidential FBI files, the Clintons’ involvement with the Rose Law Firm and Madison Guaranty, Vince Foster’s suicide, Paula Jones’ lawsuit against Clinton, and finally, Clinton’s Oval Office fiddling with Monica Lewinsky. It’s a good thing Bill Clinton never wore a tan suit or put mustard on a cheeseburger.

A lot of people weren’t impressed with Ken Starr. One guy said he was “off his rocker, a “lunatic,” a “disaster,” and a “total wacko.” But Starr’s hypocrisy won’t be the only one on display since the guy who made those comments was Donald Trump.

One thing that’s been proven by Trump adding Starr to his legal defense team is that Bill Clinton’s impeachment 20 years ago was nothing but partisan bullshit.

The greatest irony in all of this is that Ken Starr filed a report about Bill Clinton lying under oath, and will now present a legal defense before a bunch of Senators who just did the same.

The 90s are back and they’re giving us Ken Starr, Alan Dershowitz, and Mambo No. 5.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

The Impeachment Blues


cjones10092019

Yesterday, a screenshot circulated on Facebook of a tweet attributed to Monica Lewinsky stating she would “take one for the team” and do to Donald Trump what she did to Bill Clinton in the Oval Office as “that’s the only thing that can convince Republicans to impeach.”

If you saw the tweet, shared it, liked, commented, or cheered Monica on, I hate to burst your bubble. It’s fake. She did not create that tweet. But it does create an interesting discussion.

What would convince Republicans to impeach Donald Trump? How far are they willing to go to debase themselves and lose all dignity for a horrible troglodyte such as Trump?

Lewinsky was probably the first victim of cyberbullying and it was her fake friend who convinced her to preserve the “evidence” on the blue dress, and not take it to the dry cleaners. Monica wanted to wear the dress to a family function and her “friend,” Linda Tripp, who was secretly recording her, manipulated her into keeping the dress by telling Lewinsky it made her look “really fat” and she shouldn’t wear it again in public.

Later, the dress was turned in as evidence which proved Bill Clinton had lied about his relationship with her. It seems kinda crazy twenty years later that the dress was even sent to a lab to prove a president was lying about receiving oral sex in an investigation that started over a 1970s land deal. For that lie, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives impeached Bill Clinton. Of course, the Republicans had to go through three Speakers before they could finally land one to preside over the impeachment who hadn’t also committed adultery. Years later, we discovered the Speaker they settled on was a pedophile. Ya’ gotta love Republicans, right?

Just like the blue dress incriminated Bill Clinton of lying about a personal matter, there’s incriminating evidence that should impeach Donald Trump.

The summary of Trump’s phone call with the president of Ukraine incriminates him of asking a foreign nation to meddle in our election. It also shows there was a quid pro quo, not that it’s needed. Texts messages from U.S. diplomats show there was a quid pro quo in Trump’s dealings with Ukraine. Rudy Giuliani incriminates himself and Trump every time he opens his horrid mouth. Now, there are records incriminating Attorney General William Barr, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Vice President Mike Pence in this scheme. On top of all that, Trump has publicly called for other nations to help him in the next election and has bullied the whistleblower. In case you’re a Republican, both of those acts are illegal.

But back to the fake Monica tweet. The joke in the tweet is that oral sex is the only thing that will convince Republicans to impeach Donald Trump. I don’t believe that. They’ve ignored all the accusations of sexual assault, which numbers around 20. They’ve ignored him asking Russia to help his campaign. They’ve ignored his lies and conspiracy theories. They’ve ignored his racism and bullying when they’re not joining in. They’ve ignored his obstruction. They’re ignoring his taking money from the military for his stupid, racist wall. Why would anyone think a little Oval Office action would hurt Trump?

Edwin Edwards was governor of Louisiana for 16 years, but not all at once. The voters would elect him, toss him out, elect him again, toss him out, etc. It did help that the last time he won, his opponent was a Grand Wizard. During that last race in 1992, there were bumper stickers reading, “Vote for the crook. It’s important.” Edwards was a crook but he had a strong base of support. But even he had limitations which he acknowledged when he famously said, “The only way I can lose is if I’m caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy.” Louisiana might be the best state for political cartoonists.

While being caught with a live boy would have ruined Edwards, it probably wouldn’t hurt Donald Trump. Not with these Republican sycophants and the evangelicals who for some reason believe Trump is a God-fearing Christian. They’d probably say, “Jesus wanted him to have that boy.”

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at a few of the Republicans serving today who were around during the Clinton impeachment.

Lindsey Graham took impeachment seriously in 1999. He said, “You don’t even have to be convicted of a crime to lose your job in this constitutional republic if this body determines that your conduct as a public official is clearly out of bounds in your role.” He also said, “Impeachment is not about punishment. Impeachment is about cleansing the office. Impeaching is about restoring honor and integrity to the office. Today, his integrity has him saying, “Impeachment over this? What a nothing (non-quid pro quo) burger.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell had a tough time with Bill Clinton’s lying. In 1999, he said, “The president would seek a win at any cost if it meant lying to the American people. If it meant lying to his cabinet.” Today, “If this is the launching point for the House Democrats impeachment process, they’ve already overplayed their hand.”

Newt Gingrich was a champion of impeaching Clinton and cried in 1998 about the “level of disrespect and decadence that should appall every American.” Today, he says that Democrats are pandering to “partisan extremes.”

In 1999, Republicans were sending dresses to labs searching for semen. Today, half of them can’t bother to read a five-page summary of a transcript.

Republicans have debased and degraded themselves far more than Monica Lewinsky could ever imagine. At least in Monica’s case, she was a naive, young girl who was taken advantage of by a smooth-talking president of the United States. But her actions never allowed Clinton to destroy the nation. These Republicans know exactly what they’re doing as they’re turning their party into a cult and sacrificing our nation because they’re afraid of Trump’s base. And you know they aren’t swayed because Donald Trump is a smooth talker.

Pompeo, Barr, Giuliani, and Pence have each traded in their reputations, dignity and self-respect for Donald Trump. They have sold their souls to this conman. They’ve lost more by their actions than they ever could have merely by wearing blue dresses in the Oval Office.

At some point, I hope they discover the bad taste in their mouths.

Creative Notes: One of my proofreaders looked at several of my rough ideas Thursday night and said about this one, “I didn’t really get the one about the guys in blue. Handmaid’s Tale?” And about ten minutes later, she messaged me with, “Oh my god!” My girlfriend, Amanda, got it immediately. But then again, she is weird enough to be dating a political cartoonist.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.