I’m going to be fair in today’s column. Not with the cartoon because cartoons aren’t supposed to be fair.

When Eric Trump tweeted, “Bout to open up a big ol’ can of whoop ass (American flag emoji #Don’tMessWithTheBest #USA#USA#USA,” he wasn’t talking about his father’s order to assassinate Iranian general Qassem Soleimani.

There’s been much speculation that Donald Trump told douchebag son No. 2, Eric, about the upcoming hit while neglecting to inform Congress. It is fair to criticize how Trump handled the information since he did tell Senator, and reason some South Carolina village is missing its idiot each time he’s in Washington – LindseyGraham. Trump also seemed to dedicate a LOT more time to golf than deliberations over a decision that may lead our nation to war…and war or no war, to the death of many Americans. And, maybe he did tell Eric as Donald Trump has shown us before that he doesn’t really take classified information very seriously. For all we know he phoned Putin beforehand like he did before bombing some runways in Syria. And, there is speculation as to why Eric deleted the tweet.

But, Eric was retweeting conspiracy theorist Jack Posobiec, who posted a video of marines arriving to the American embassy in Baghdad with the caption: “BREAKING: US Marines arriving to Baghdad embassy.”

There are a few issues we can take with Eric’s tweet. First off, when Eric wrote “#USA#USA#USA,” he misspelled “#RUSSIA#RUSSIA#RUSSIA.” Maybe that explains the tweet’s deletion.

Second, trust-fund, silver-spoon-baby Eric Trump has never opened a can of anything in his life. The guy would need a manual to operate a can opener without harming himself. The guy couldn’t open a can of tuna fish if it was a pop-top. Eric couldn’t open a can of Pringles. And, “Bout to open a can of whoop-ass,” Eric? Who’s opening that can of “whoop-ass?” It’s not you.

Eric, if we go to war, you’ll be safe at home watching it break on Fox News and having someone smarter explaining it to you. Even if there was a draft and you were young enough, your dad would be able to pay some quack doctor to attest that you have bone spurs, thus getting you out of military service. That’s how your corrupt grandfather got your corrupt father out of service. That’s how it works for trust-fund babies, which you undoubtedly are.

If your idiot father does start a war with Iran, you can bet your little brother Barron won’t have to serve, as the war with Iran will probably last about as long as our war with Afghanistan (which neither you nor douchebag son No.1 volunteered to serve in) that has lasted nearly two decades. In case you’re a Republican or a son of Donald Trump, a decade is ten years.

Also, Eric…war is nothing like the hunting you and dumbass Don Jr. do for endangered species. It’s not like having your prey fenced in and paying a guide to point them out to you and then after killing the animal, you get to go back to the clubhouse, get a steak before hitting up the salon for a mani-pedi.

No, Eric. In war, they shoot back. People die in war.

I know you and other Trump supporters aren’t real big with the thinking, but when you’re out there shaking your pom-poms chanting “Russia, Russia, Russia,” I mean, “USA, USA, USA,” keep in mind that Americans are going to be dying. Americans who are not you or other beneficiaries of your father’s tax-cuts.

The thing is, Eric when we go to war, you not only don’t have to fight it but you don’t even have to worry about it. I mean, for our last war you got tax cuts. What’cha gonna get this time? A new yacht?

So to sum up: Killing endangered animals, getting huge tax cuts, not having to worry, shaking pom-poms, tweeting, deleting tweets, or stealing from a children’s’ cancer charity, yes. Eric can do it. Opening cans, not so much.

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  1. The amount the US pays a soldier is not worth dying for. Why do people join an armed force? And why do they obey orders to go to a danger zone? Eric is clueless, but he is smart enough to stay away from enlisting. What’s wrong with the rest?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Why do people join an armed force?” A friend of mine calls it “the silent draft”. The military has always been an avenue to escape poverty, ghettos, and provides an opportunity for advancement. But it comes with strings attached. I have friends and family that completed military careers (20 years) and never encountered a paper cut. Many were REMFs (rear echelon mother f#^kers). They advanced in career, got education degrees, traveled all on taxpayer dime. They got lucky. Others are not so lucky. It is voluntary but it is also a gamble. For some there is no choice making it a silent draft.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A friend’s grandson, who left the Marines in 2017, is about to be called back (can they do that? I thought once out, out forever). Anyway, they are calling back those who’ve left, so something’s being prepared.

    Why did he join in the first place? Lack of anything else he wanted to do, I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Depends on contract he signed when he enlisted. Do three years active duty and owe a few years inactive or reserve time. only when that reserve or inactive time is satisfied are they truly out. In between, anything that happens they can be “recalled” and once in you are at their mercy as to when you can really ever get out. They can keep you as long as they need you. When you join the military you really are signing your life away…it should not be done without serious serious consideration. And when you have a president that disparages military men like John McCain and gold star families like Trump has done one really has to think about how valuable their own life is because guys like Trump will put you in harms ways without a second thought as long as it benefits him in some way.


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