Happy Something Something


cjones07062019

Donald Trump loves to take credit where he deserves none. He takes credit for inheriting Obama’s economy. He took credit for no commercial airline crashes in 2017, despite there also not being any for nearly the past decade. He took credit for the phrase “priming the pump,” which has been around at least since the 1930s. He’s taken credit for Lady Gaga being a star (really). He’s taken credit for rebuilding the military, which has not been rebuilt. He’s taken credit for replenishing nuclear weapons which is another lie unless he’s referring to Russia, Iran, and North Korea. He’s even taken credit for ending the conspiracy of Obama being born outside the United States. Seriously. Trump also likes to take credit for things you’ve always had, like the freedom to say “Merry Christmas.” Stupid people have actually thanked him for this. I have a middle finger I’d like to thank him for.

Yesterday, Trump took credit for the plant in Lima, Ohio that makes tanks for the U.S. military not being shut down, despite it receiving funds in 2013, 2014, and 2017, even though the Army keeps telling Congress they don’t need more tanks (currently, there are over 4,000 tanks that have never been used in storage in the desert).

Speaking of tanks, Donald Trump has asked the Pentagon to roll a bunch of them through Washington on the Fourth of July as part of his co-opting the capital’s annual celebration into a massive Trump rally. He’s also ordered the presidential helicopter, Marine One, Air Force One, a stealth fighter, another squadron of fighter jets, and more helicopters, and 40,000 idiots in MAGA hats. This event will bring physical (tanks) and emotional (Trump and MAGA hat idiots) damage to Washington, D.C. Trump’s celebration of himself will even freeze air traffic to and from Reagan National Airport, which was also frozen once because of al Qaida.

Donald Trump ruins everything he touches. Now, he’s going to ruin the Fourth of July, a holiday that he and his cultists would have difficulty telling you which day of the month it lands on.

Trump is using a national holiday, the capital, the military, and taxpayer money to glorify himself. Because there won’t be any dictators around, Trump has to yank his own dick.

The White House will “give out” tickets for attendees to sit in a VIP section, which I’m sure we’ll learn later was sold by the Trump Campaign (wait for it). Trump’s people attempted to cancel the multiyear contract the Park Service has with a fireworks company so that a campaign contributor could “donate” their services.

The Abrams tank weights more than 60 tons, which is slightly less than Trump’s ego. Despite the city’s protest, Trump plans to have them destroy the city’s streets and perhaps the rooms underneath the Lincoln Memorial. Trump also boasted about the “new” Sherman tanks, which, like his brain, haven’t been in use since the 1950s.

Trump will expect people to thank him for the Fourth of July after this event. There are currently commercials more annoying than that Cars 4 Kids jingle asking Americans to call the White House to “thank President Trump,” for what, I don’t know. Now, they can add a holiday. Just like Trump cultists don’t remember the economy Obama gave them, they’ll forget we had the Fourth of July before Trump. Personally, I’m kinda worried about Trump cultists around fireworks, but then again, that’s a problem that might solve itself.

Fortunately, there will be people present with IQs higher than shoe sizes to let Trump know he’s not appreciated and we’re not thankful for a damn thing he’s done to this country. Protesters have been granted permits to demonstrate in the capital and the Trump Baby may even make an appearance. I mean the balloon Trump Baby. The other Trump baby has guaranteed he’ll show up.

Trump should avoid hijacking a national holiday and instead tweet out a “happy Fourth to everyone, even the haters” from his bed of hamberders in the midsts of his usual retweets of neo-Nazi videos.

We all get to look forward to Trump’s whiny voice on this special day. Now, in addition to fireworks, there’s something else that’ll hurt dogs’ ears on July the Fourth. If you need me, I’ll be under the bed with the dog.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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16 comments

  1. This is one of the most disgusting things DJT is doing lately other than sucking up to dictators of course. I just stay in a state of depression and sadness…..

    Becky Gottsegen Figurative ceramic artist beckygottsegen.com

    Liked by 3 people

  2. “even though the ARMY keeps telling Congress they don’t need more tanks (currently, there are over 4,000 tanks that have never been used in storage in the desert).”

    Hell, if the Army don’t want’em, give’em to the Navy (Marines could use’em), the Air Force (if they run out of bombs, they could drop the tanks), or 45*’s new Space Force (I can see it now, tanks tooling around and making huge tread marks on the Moon and Mars… that’s TREAD MARKS, son, 45* still has the monopoly on SKID MARKS).

    Liked by 5 people

  3. tRump cultists + fireworks = (>missing fingers)

    Yes, I am about to *steal* (I prefer the term *borrow because of admiration*) from Clay’s style. Pay attention cultists!

    For you brain dead cultists, (>missing fingers) indicates that the least possible damage which you can do if you’re a cultist is blast off a finger or two. Or three. Maybe a hand? Who knows?

    Keep away from the fireworks cultists. Unless, of course, you’re surrounded by other cultists. In that case, make sure to stock up on the M-80s, and don’t be selfish with them. Pass ’em around! Make sure to place them in interesting places, such as your mouth and in your underwear. There’s no limit to the fun fireworks can bring you.

    P.S.- I just noticed that you replied to my comment randumbthoughts! I will check it out right now. Thank You!

    Liked by 4 people

  4. The fat dotard is deliberately staging his idiotic rally at the Lincoln Memorial to try and take away from MLK’s never-to-be-outdone I Have A Dream speech also held at the Lincoln Memorial decades ago.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. My cat REALLY hates fireworks. Last year he jumped at least 4 feet in the air directly from where he was lying down when they started. I had No idea that cats could do that. Live and learn. Happy 4th to you and your cat Ariel. DC

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh yeah – cats can jump up to 6x their height, depending on the breed. Some have better jumping skills than others.

        I hope you, your family, & your furry family have a safe, happy, & fun holiday. May it be free of jumping cats!

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank You. And thanks for the information also. Hopefully the cat will not as spooked this year. To you and all your family, furry or not, take care.

      Liked by 2 people

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