Abraham Lincoln

Presidents Worth More Than a Can of Beans


CNN07192020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Once upon a time, President Barack Obama put his feet on the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. Despite the fact presidents before him had done so as well, including Ronald Reagan, Republicans were livid. How dare he put his feet on the Resolute Desk. At least he didn’t hawk beans on it.

After Donald Trump received empty praise from the president of Goya Foods, Ivanka did a glamour photo with a can of their beans where she’s holding the product like she’s Vanna White. She was roundly criticized and mocked for the act which was also illegal. You can’t use your federal position to endorse products. Seeing this, perhaps to award the company or to get in on trolling, Donald Trump posted a photo of him sitting at the Resolute Desk with several Goya products on top of it.

The other thing is, we’re still in the first wave of the coronavirus pandemic that’s killed close to 140,000 people. Donald Trump wants to reopen schools and he doesn’t have a plan. There is racial strife on the streets. What does he have time for? Posing with beans.

Most of us knew Donald Trump would be a failure as president. It didn’t take a genius political prognosticator to predict that a racist reality TV show host who built a career on grifting would make for a bad president. For the first three years, he got by barking at minorities, tweeting profoundly stupid statements, and taking credit for his predecessor’s accomplishments. The fact is, Donald Trump is a shitty president and might be shittiest in our nation’s history.

You can’t claim success when you lose 40 million jobs and 140,000 lives. If you’re still defending the Trump presidency, your island is getting smaller and smaller. Usually, when islands get smaller it’s because of climate change but luckily for you, you don’t believe in climate change.  The climate is changing, politically, and literally. Disapproval over Trump’s handling of the pandemic has even lowered among his racist base.

Donald Trump ran an ad full of people committing violent acts saying that’s what voters will get in Joe Biden’s America. Funny thing, all the violent acts in the ad were in Donald Trump’s America.

Donald Trump is a horrible president and he’s not worth a can of beans.

Creative note: This was the very first cartoon I submitted to CNN this week and they picked it before I had a chance to draw another. Here’s the rough.

CNNrough870

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Worse Than Lincoln


cjones05092020

Nearly every historian agrees Abraham Lincoln is our greatest president. And while there are other presidents who were great…and tragic (like Franklin Pierce losing his son between the election and inauguration and his other two children also died young, his wife suffered from depression, and he became an alcoholic), none was more tragic than Abraham Lincoln.

It’s interesting to bring up Pierce because he helped set the stage for the Civil War, which was Lincoln’s greatest challenge and helped contribute to the tragedy that was Lincoln. During the war, Pierce spent his time criticizing Lincoln (which I’m sure we’ll see Trump do for the presidents who follow him). Holding the nation together and winning an American insurrection makes Abraham Lincoln our greatest president. Lincoln was presented the greatest challenge to our nation and he answered the call with brilliance…all while malice was directed at him.

Lincoln once declined an opportunity to discredit a story in the press and said, “I do the very best I know how, the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.” Donald Trump doesn’t have ten angels swearing he was right. He has the ilk of Sean Hannity.

Donald Trump likes to let us know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican as if we didn’t already know that, which means he didn’t know until recently. He’s boasted in the past that he’s more popular with Republicans than Lincoln was, despite the fact there weren’t polls in the 1860s. Donald Trump probably doesn’t know what happened in the 1860s. Donald Trump has two things in common with Lincoln. One is, they’re both Republicans, though the Republican Party Lincoln was a member of was the liberal party that freed the slaves and became Lincoln’s party. Donald Trump has turned the Republican Party into the Cult of Trump and has an agenda of oppression with supporters chanting “send them back.” Abraham Lincoln was our first Republican president and his party later gave us other great Republican presidents like Teddy Roosevelt and Dwight Eisenhower. Donald Trump may be our last Republican president.

The second thing Donald Trump has in common with Abraham Lincoln is that he’s facing a crisis that wasn’t his creation. Donald Trump did not bring the coronavirus to the United States. He didn’t create it. It’s not his fault. But, unlike Lincoln, he handled the crisis poorly. The coronavirus pandemic was made worse in this country by Donald Trump. Can you imagine if Abraham Lincoln said, “only two states seceded so far and soon it’ll be down to zero?” What if Lincoln said the Civil War was a “Democratic hoax?” Could Lincoln have claimed the Confederate victory at Manassas was “fake news?”

It’s appropriate that Donald Trump held his most recent interview with Fox News at the feet of the Lincoln Memorial. Sitting at Lincoln’s feet, Donald Trump was tiny to the giant that is Abraham Lincoln. Just like he was to the memorial, Donald Trump’s presidency is puny, frail, and weak compared to the enormity that was Abraham Lincoln’s. When compared to Lincoln, Trump is microscopic.

While many events have taken place on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, it’s prohibited to stage a public event in the interior. However, Donald Trump received clearance from the Interior Department to conduct his little virtual town hall with Fox News. David Bernhardt, the secretary of the interior, is a former oil executive, so it’s not like he approached the situation with respect and reverence for history or public property.

The secretary issued a statement explaining the trampling over the memorial with, “Given the extraordinary crisis that the American people have endured, and the need for the president to exercise a core governmental function to address the nation about an ongoing public-health crisis, I am exercising my authority to facilitate the opportunity for the president to conduct this address within the Lincoln Memorial.”

Yeah, about that need to “address the nation about an ongoing public-health crisis.” The town hall was an extension of Donald Trump’s rage tweeting that’s still continuing from the past weekend.

George W. Bush issued a statement about unity during this pandemic. It didn’t have anything to do with Donald Trump or politics. Yet, Donald Trump made it about himself and rage tweeted that Bush didn’t back him up during his “impeachment hoax.” Donald Trump is incapable of taking this pandemic seriously and is only focused on himself.

During his town hall, he even claimed the choice of the venue was Fox’s, not his. He lied at the feet of Honest Abe.

Then, he said, “Look, I am greeted with a hostile press the likes of which no president has ever seen. The closest would be that gentleman right up there. They always said Lincoln…nobody got treated worse than Lincoln. I believe I am treated worse.”

Let me remind you, in case you’re a poor student of history…you know…a Republican, that Lincoln was assassinated. And the assassin, John Wilkes Booth, if he was alive today, would be a Trump supporter. He’d have the MAGA hat.

And if Donald Trump was alive during Lincoln’s time, he would have supported the south and had created conspiracy theories about Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln was born west of the Mississippi!

Donald Trump is all about grievance. His entire base is based on grievance. For Trump, it’s about his personal grievance. The press is mean to him. He’s treated worse than Lincoln. People are lying about his crowd sizes. He is the whiniest president in our nation’s history. But, it’s also about white grievance which he has cultivated. People who voted for Trump wear the cap with the saying, “Make America Great Again,” which means, “Make America White Again.” It’s MAGA. Now, many of them are “KAGA,” which is “Keep America Great Again.” How do you “keep” something “again?” Anyway…

Donald Trump is a crybaby. His supporters are crybabies. They’re all snowflakes. And just like the Michigan protesters stormed their state capitol building with guns after Trump told them to “liberate” Michigan, John Wilkes Booth entered a theater with a gun. Abraham Lincoln liberated the slaves. Donald Trump is telling white people to liberate their states from…I’m not sure.

Just like the Ku Klux Klan, white militants, white supremacists, David Duke, and your crazy racist uncle who believes in chemtrails and Obama was born in Kenya, John Wilkes Booth would have loved Donald Trump.

Donald Trump is confused. He’s not treated worse than Lincoln. He IS worse than Lincoln.

Creative note: I’m going to tell you before someone does it. Do not leave a comment expressing a desire that Donald Trump gets what happened to Abraham Lincoln. I’m sick of that shit coming from liberals. You’re supposed to be better than that. If you do it, I’m going to smack you down.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Happy Something Something


cjones07062019

Donald Trump loves to take credit where he deserves none. He takes credit for inheriting Obama’s economy. He took credit for no commercial airline crashes in 2017, despite there also not being any for nearly the past decade. He took credit for the phrase “priming the pump,” which has been around at least since the 1930s. He’s taken credit for Lady Gaga being a star (really). He’s taken credit for rebuilding the military, which has not been rebuilt. He’s taken credit for replenishing nuclear weapons which is another lie unless he’s referring to Russia, Iran, and North Korea. He’s even taken credit for ending the conspiracy of Obama being born outside the United States. Seriously. Trump also likes to take credit for things you’ve always had, like the freedom to say “Merry Christmas.” Stupid people have actually thanked him for this. I have a middle finger I’d like to thank him for.

Yesterday, Trump took credit for the plant in Lima, Ohio that makes tanks for the U.S. military not being shut down, despite it receiving funds in 2013, 2014, and 2017, even though the Army keeps telling Congress they don’t need more tanks (currently, there are over 4,000 tanks that have never been used in storage in the desert).

Speaking of tanks, Donald Trump has asked the Pentagon to roll a bunch of them through Washington on the Fourth of July as part of his co-opting the capital’s annual celebration into a massive Trump rally. He’s also ordered the presidential helicopter, Marine One, Air Force One, a stealth fighter, another squadron of fighter jets, and more helicopters, and 40,000 idiots in MAGA hats. This event will bring physical (tanks) and emotional (Trump and MAGA hat idiots) damage to Washington, D.C. Trump’s celebration of himself will even freeze air traffic to and from Reagan National Airport, which was also frozen once because of al Qaida.

Donald Trump ruins everything he touches. Now, he’s going to ruin the Fourth of July, a holiday that he and his cultists would have difficulty telling you which day of the month it lands on.

Trump is using a national holiday, the capital, the military, and taxpayer money to glorify himself. Because there won’t be any dictators around, Trump has to yank his own dick.

The White House will “give out” tickets for attendees to sit in a VIP section, which I’m sure we’ll learn later was sold by the Trump Campaign (wait for it). Trump’s people attempted to cancel the multiyear contract the Park Service has with a fireworks company so that a campaign contributor could “donate” their services.

The Abrams tank weights more than 60 tons, which is slightly less than Trump’s ego. Despite the city’s protest, Trump plans to have them destroy the city’s streets and perhaps the rooms underneath the Lincoln Memorial. Trump also boasted about the “new” Sherman tanks, which, like his brain, haven’t been in use since the 1950s.

Trump will expect people to thank him for the Fourth of July after this event. There are currently commercials more annoying than that Cars 4 Kids jingle asking Americans to call the White House to “thank President Trump,” for what, I don’t know. Now, they can add a holiday. Just like Trump cultists don’t remember the economy Obama gave them, they’ll forget we had the Fourth of July before Trump. Personally, I’m kinda worried about Trump cultists around fireworks, but then again, that’s a problem that might solve itself.

Fortunately, there will be people present with IQs higher than shoe sizes to let Trump know he’s not appreciated and we’re not thankful for a damn thing he’s done to this country. Protesters have been granted permits to demonstrate in the capital and the Trump Baby may even make an appearance. I mean the balloon Trump Baby. The other Trump baby has guaranteed he’ll show up.

Trump should avoid hijacking a national holiday and instead tweet out a “happy Fourth to everyone, even the haters” from his bed of hamberders in the midsts of his usual retweets of neo-Nazi videos.

We all get to look forward to Trump’s whiny voice on this special day. Now, in addition to fireworks, there’s something else that’ll hurt dogs’ ears on July the Fourth. If you need me, I’ll be under the bed with the dog.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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