If Rudy Giuliani was a doctor, and he was your doctor, that would mean you are going to die. Likewise, if he was your lawyer, you’re going to prison.

Donald Trump does not hire the best and the brightest. He hires lackeys, flunkies, and lick-spittles. He hires people who will tell him what he wants to hear. For example, take his New York doctor.

During the campaign, Dr. Harold Bornstein, who was Trump’s doctor for 36 years, issued a letter stating that if elected Trump would be the “healthiest president ever.” This week, he told the press that Trump had his goons (Yes. Trump has goons) raid his office. He also said that Trump dictated that infamous letter. Apparently, what peeved Trump off was the doc’s disclosure that the president is prescribed Propecia, a hair-loss medication. The doctor doesn’t think it’s a big deal that he gave out that information.

Sure, it’s not a big deal that we know Trump uses medication for his hair loss. You can spot that shit from the space station. What is a big deal is releasing a patient’s medical information and not understanding that you’re not supposed to do that. Remember, Trump hires the best.

But maybe, they go from being the best to ridiculous sycophants. Dr. Ronny Jackson was a very respected doctor for several presidents. Then he gave a report on Trump which sounded like a report from Doctor Crazy Pants in New York. Dr. Jackson said Trump was in excellent health despite his heart disease and with weight a pound under being officially obese. He also said with a better diet that didn’t consist of nothing but Big Macs and KFC, Trump could live to be 200. Did Trump write these statements too? Now, Dr. Jackson has been laughed out of his nomination to lead the Veterans Administration and the Pentagon is considering investigating him for all sorts of shady and sketchy shit.

Rudy Giuliani went from being the best, a federal prosecutor who brought down mobsters to the kind of lawyer you’d swear got his legal training from Green Acres’ Mr. Haney.

Trump lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen has claimed he paid porn star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to remain quiet about sleeping with Donald Trump and that Trump was unaware of the payment. Cohen says he took out a line of credit on his home out of the goodness of his heart and his love for all things Donald and Trump never paid him back. Enter Giuliani.

Lawyers usually tell their clients not to talk so much. They don’t typically go on TV and torpedo your entire defense and expose you as a massive liar. Rudy went on Fox News and told Sean Hannity, another client of Cohen’s, that Trump paid Cohen back the $130,000. Wait. What? I thought Trump didn’t know about it. Trump told us from Air Force One he had no clue what was going on. Now they’re saying he paid Cohen back?

Giuliani also said it wasn’t a campaign violation because the money wasn’t from the campaign. Uh, I’m not a lawyer but I do know that you can commit a campaign finance violation without giving directly to the campaign. If it’s to help the campaign, it’s still a contribution.

Giuliani says the money was paid back in installments, which may be another crime. Rudy even used the word “funneled.” Why would a billionaire pay it back in installments like it was a rent-to-own hooker? If the money was paid back in smaller amounts to avoid tracking, it could be a major felony. I have a question that hasn’t been answered yet. If these payments continued while Trump was president, then it wasn’t just private citizen or president-elect Trump committing a crime, it was President Trump committing a crime. Doesn’t this mean he can be indicted while he’s president? Maybe Robert Mueller has the answer.

When all is said and done, Trump’s going to wish the only thing exposed is that he porked a porn star and cheated on Melania.

What happened to Rudy? He was America’s mayor. He had a stellar legal career. Now I’m surprised he didn’t go on Hannity and release the pee-pee tape.

Here’s the video.

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