Stormy

Fake Editing


cjones06282018

Even before the major reasons why Donald Trump should not have been seriously considered for the presidency, I had a few that may appear petty but point to larger problems with the guy.

Trump’s inexperience, stupidity, sexism, and racism are all great reasons why the man shouldn’t have gotten farther than the rent-is-too-damn-high guy. But stuff like not paying people who work for him reveals a dishonest person who can’t be trusted. Stealing from his own charity also reveals dishonesty along with corruption because he’s a con man.

His insecurity and pettiness are exhibited by trophy wives, an extremely bad comb-over, and suits that don’t fit despite the fact he’s a billionaire who owns his own clothing line. But one of the kickers for me, as a journalist, is his love for the National Enquirer, a gossip tabloid that pays for stories and is sold at checkout lines next to Weekly World News (which is a much more entertaining read).

Put aside Trump’s penchant for labeling any real news and facts he doesn’t like as “fake news,” and his attacks on the press as “dishonest” and an “enemy to the American people.” Look at the judgement of a guy who believes the Enquirer should have won a Pulitzer and its editor should be in charge of The New York Times.

Trump has a friendship with the Enquirer. Its owner, David Pecker, is a pal. You can count the number of newspapers that endorsed Trump with both hands and have fingers left. The Enquirer is one of them. In addition to the endorsement, the paper would pay for the exclusive rights to stories from women claiming affairs with Trump, only to kill the stories.

Sam Nunberg, an early adviser to the campaign, compared the Enquirer to a campaign mailer. While a mailer was expensive, sent to prospective voters, and hardly ever read, the Enquirer was seen at every checkout line in the nation. Everyone reads the headlines while standing in line. Now, we’re learning those headlines were approved by Trump.

According to three sources with the weekly rag, the paper would send stories, photos, and mock front pages to Trump’s attorney/fixer Michael Cohen for approval. One story sent for approval was on Hillary Clinton’s health with a headline stating she only had six months left to live. Why vote for a dying candidate, right? That was published in September 2015 and in case you haven’t noticed, Hillary Clinton is still alive in 2018.

During the primary, the paper ran stories linking Ted Cruz’s father to JFK’s assassination, and even more unbelievable, rumors of Ted having multiple affairs.

A newspaper can print whatever it wants as long as it’s not libelous. They can publish lies. There isn’t even a law saying a publication can’t coordinate with a campaign. But, if a candidate exerts control over a publication then that can violate federal election laws.

The company that owns the Enquirer said they never sent stories for approval, but they also told us there were multiple women willing to have sex with Ted Cruz.

According to the sources, stories didn’t just go through Cohen. Trump would often have his assistant Hope Hicks contact Pecker (the publisher, not Trump’s little soldier) with story ideas, and would often call the guy himself.

According to one of the people with knowledge of the practice, the sharing continues. The source said, “Since Trump’s become president and even before, [Pecker] openly just has been willing to turn the magazine and the cover over to the Trump machine.”

Federal prosecutors subpoenaed American Media Inc., the Enquirer’s owner, as part of their investigation into Michael Cohen. They probably found a lot of interesting files related to the paper after raiding Cohen’s office, home, and hotel room.

I’m not sure if the paper violated any laws, and I would defend their First Amendment rights, even if they really are “fake news.” However, it goes beyond being a member of the free press and journalism if they acted as an extension of the Trump campaign.

I wouldn’t want to read a newspaper that favors Donald Trump, like the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette which just fired their cartoonist Rob Rogers for drawing Trump cartoons. It’s even worse when the publisher allows Trump to dictate their coverage.

I hate the term “fake news.” If it’s fake, it’s not news. And neither is the National Enquirer.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

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Dr. Rudy


cjones05072018

If Rudy Giuliani was a doctor, and he was your doctor, that would mean you are going to die. Likewise, if he was your lawyer, you’re going to prison.

Donald Trump does not hire the best and the brightest. He hires lackeys, flunkies, and lick-spittles. He hires people who will tell him what he wants to hear. For example, take his New York doctor.

During the campaign, Dr. Harold Bornstein, who was Trump’s doctor for 36 years, issued a letter stating that if elected Trump would be the “healthiest president ever.” This week, he told the press that Trump had his goons (Yes. Trump has goons) raid his office. He also said that Trump dictated that infamous letter. Apparently, what peeved Trump off was the doc’s disclosure that the president is prescribed Propecia, a hair-loss medication. The doctor doesn’t think it’s a big deal that he gave out that information.

Sure, it’s not a big deal that we know Trump uses medication for his hair loss. You can spot that shit from the space station. What is a big deal is releasing a patient’s medical information and not understanding that you’re not supposed to do that. Remember, Trump hires the best.

But maybe, they go from being the best to ridiculous sycophants. Dr. Ronny Jackson was a very respected doctor for several presidents. Then he gave a report on Trump which sounded like a report from Doctor Crazy Pants in New York. Dr. Jackson said Trump was in excellent health despite his heart disease and with weight a pound under being officially obese. He also said with a better diet that didn’t consist of nothing but Big Macs and KFC, Trump could live to be 200. Did Trump write these statements too? Now, Dr. Jackson has been laughed out of his nomination to lead the Veterans Administration and the Pentagon is considering investigating him for all sorts of shady and sketchy shit.

Rudy Giuliani went from being the best, a federal prosecutor who brought down mobsters to the kind of lawyer you’d swear got his legal training from Green Acres’ Mr. Haney.

Trump lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen has claimed he paid porn star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to remain quiet about sleeping with Donald Trump and that Trump was unaware of the payment. Cohen says he took out a line of credit on his home out of the goodness of his heart and his love for all things Donald and Trump never paid him back. Enter Giuliani.

Lawyers usually tell their clients not to talk so much. They don’t typically go on TV and torpedo your entire defense and expose you as a massive liar. Rudy went on Fox News and told Sean Hannity, another client of Cohen’s, that Trump paid Cohen back the $130,000. Wait. What? I thought Trump didn’t know about it. Trump told us from Air Force One he had no clue what was going on. Now they’re saying he paid Cohen back?

Giuliani also said it wasn’t a campaign violation because the money wasn’t from the campaign. Uh, I’m not a lawyer but I do know that you can commit a campaign finance violation without giving directly to the campaign. If it’s to help the campaign, it’s still a contribution.

Giuliani says the money was paid back in installments, which may be another crime. Rudy even used the word “funneled.” Why would a billionaire pay it back in installments like it was a rent-to-own hooker? If the money was paid back in smaller amounts to avoid tracking, it could be a major felony. I have a question that hasn’t been answered yet. If these payments continued while Trump was president, then it wasn’t just private citizen or president-elect Trump committing a crime, it was President Trump committing a crime. Doesn’t this mean he can be indicted while he’s president? Maybe Robert Mueller has the answer.

When all is said and done, Trump’s going to wish the only thing exposed is that he porked a porn star and cheated on Melania.

What happened to Rudy? He was America’s mayor. He had a stellar legal career. Now I’m surprised he didn’t go on Hannity and release the pee-pee tape.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Not Even A Crabby Lawyer


cjones03282018

Donald Trump is going through lawyers faster than Spinal Tap goes through drummers. And just like Spinal Tap, Trump’s cases involving collusion with Russia, obstruction of justice, and paying porn stars and Playboy centerfolds to keep quiet are self-destructing.

Typically, rich billionaires don’t have a problem finding lawyers from the top white-shoe law firms in the country. Our entire legal system is designed to favor rich assholes. Even the awkward situation of being guilty doesn’t deter lawyers from representing rich people. If O.J. could hire the best legal minds in the business, you’d think a white billionaire president of the United States could find competent counsel, instead of his current collection of caveman lawyers.

From lawyers who send drunkenly-composed emails to reporters, to one who mails hush agreements from Trump’s address, to tweeting guilt from the president’s Twitter account, to counsel loudly discussing strategy in one of the busiest and most popular restaurants among journalists in Washington, Trump’s legal team has consisted of incompetent morons.

Trump tweeted Sunday, “Many lawyers and top law firms want to represent me in the Russia case…don’t believe the Fake News narrative that it is hard to find a lawyer who wants to take this on. Fame & fortune will NEVER be turned down by a lawyer, though some are conflicted. Problem is that a new lawyer or law firm will take months to get up to speed (if for no other reason than they can bill more), which is unfair to our great country – and I am very happy with my existing team. Besides, there was NO COLLUSION with Russia, except by Crooked Hillary and the Dems!”

As usual, everything Trump tweets is a lie. Remember when he claimed he was happy with Rex Tillerson, H.R. McMaster, and John Dowd and it was “fake news” reporting that they would be leaving soon?

Last week, Dowd, Trump’s lead attorney for his defense in the Russia case, resigned. He hired attorneys Joe diGenova and his wife Victoria Toensing, because he liked the way diGenova presented himself on TV arguing for conspiracy theories, but the duo had to resign because they already represent a client in the Russia case. With conflict of interest being the factor, why did these lawyers even talk to Trump? Did they just look it up yesterday morning? Did Lionel Hutz explain it to them?

It’s been reported that six law firms have rejected Trump. As one legal expert said, “It is difficult for one to maintain one’s appearance of being an ethical lawyer while trying to represent Donald Trump.”

So why is it difficult to represent Donald Trump? For starters, he’s guilty, but that shouldn’t be too much of a deterrent. Some lawyers pride themselves on representing clients while arguing that everyone deserves and has the right to legal representation. However, it’s really difficult to represent a guilty client when the guilty client won’t shut up.

Over the weekend, Trump was boasting at Mar-a-Lago that Stormy Daniels owes him $20 million for violating their hush agreement, which Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen claims Trump isn’t a part of because he never slept with Stormy Daniels. Guilty client, check. Mouthy client, check. Stupid client, check, check, check.

Trump also has a history of not paying his lawyers. He’s been sued by lawyers for payment who represented him in cases where he didn’t pay labor contractors.

Trump also refuses to listen to his lawyers. A client who is impulsive, has an itchy Twitter finger, won’t listen or heed advice, and undercuts legal strategy makes the job more trouble than it’s worth and can hurt future business for a lawyer. Lawyers drop clients who won’t listen to them, which Dowd did last week.

Finally, being associated with Trump puts you in legal trouble. Trump’s lawyers need lawyers when they work for Trump. It’s so bad, he’s not just having a problem finding competent legal help, he can’t find qualified people for staff positions in the West Wing and his cabinet is full of morons. He’ll probably fire another cabinet member this week who isn’t named Devos or Carson.

Trump is down to one full-time lawyer, Jay Sekulow, famous for being a religious commentator, working on his Russia case. Sekulow is presently negotiating Trump testifying before the Special Counsel where everyone expects he will commit perjury.

Trump said “fame and fortune” will come to those who defend him. But do you want to be famous for representing a giant orange shit weasel who took you down with him?

Creative notes: This is the second cartoon in a row with a reference to Peanuts. If the comic timing works in this cartoon, it’s because my first teacher in that area was Charles Schulz.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Dark And Stormy


cjones03272018

Stormy Daniels’ interview with Anderson Cooper aired on 60 Minutes Sunday night and it was kind of a letdown. If you’ve been following the story, you didn’t learn anything new except that someone threatened Stormy in a parking lot while she was with her daughter and the Forbes Magazine spanking actually happened. I got nothing out of this interview except for the night terrors.

The sex part of this story isn’t important except to expose the hypocrisy of the evangelicals who support Trump. These inbred hillbilly hypocritical idiots have spent decades telling us family values and morals are important to them. Now, they’re fine with supporting the kind of guy who will sleep with porn stars while his wife is pregnant, force her to sign a hush agreement, and send thugs to threaten her.

What is important is that hush agreement. Trump’s attorney, Michael Cohen, says he paid Stormy off out of his own pocket and the goodness out of his heart because he loves Donald Trump. He claims he was thinking about paying her to be quiet for years but finally did eleven days before Election Day.

While Cohen and the White House claim Trump didn’t have anything to do with the contract, Cohen negotiated it with his Trump Organization email, and even received and sent documents from Trump Tower. Between hush contracts to porn stars and Russians meeting Don Jr, Jared, and Paul Manafort, there’s a lot going on in Trump Tower that Donald Trump doesn’t know about.

Cohen’s sloppiness is going to get someone in trouble. The guy sets up a shell company in Delaware to hide the payment but mails documents to Stormy from Trump Tower. This should not be a surprise as Trump’s other attorneys have shown through press releases that they literally can not dot the i’s and cross the t’s.

If Cohen made this payment without Trump’s knowledge and never received reimbursement for it, he may be the only one in legal trouble. His payment to Stormy is an illegal campaign contribution as it exceeds the donation limit. Another problem is that the contribution was not reported by the campaign.

What needs to be discovered is if Cohen’s unbelievable explanation is true, and he’s really that stupid. If not, we need to find out if he was reimbursed and by whom. Was it Donald Trump, the Trump Organization, the Trump Campaign, another party, or another company? Maybe it was the porn fairy.

While we’re at it, the National Enquirer needs to be investigated for their payments to silence women Trump slept with. All of these payments were to help Trump get elected.

Donald Trump is a billionaire. Who in the hell just gives hundreds of thousands of dollars to help out a billionaire, especially one who is an unlikable asshole?

Stormy says the unprotected sex with Trump was consensual and slept with him as that was her punishment for being dumb enough to go to his hotel room alone. I am assuming the hotel had sealed windows which prevented her from a lighter punishment, like leaping to her death.

The event of the interview was more substantive than the actual interview. It’ll be interesting to see Sarah Huckabee Sanders spin this. Hopefully, better than her argument that Trump didn’t have anything to do with it but won arbitration in the case. If nothing else, we need to ask future presidential candidates if they’ve ever slept with a porn star without a condom, as that stupidity should be disqualifying.

Thankfully, we were all spared the punishment of seeing pics of a naked Trump, or Heaven forbid a Trump sex tape. Stormy’s lawyer, Michael Avenatti has tweeted cryptic photos of a DVD, implying it contains evidence of Trump’s Stormy canoodling.

If I can survive without ever seeing the Hulk Hogan sex tape, I can get by without seeing one with Donald Trump. But, every evangelical, Trump voter and anyone who has ever defended Donald Trump should be forced, A Clockwork Orange style to view the Trump sex tape. That may be the just punishment they deserve for what they’ve inflicted upon all of us.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Sunshine Week 2018


cjones03142018

Wakka wakka wakka.

An evergreen cartoon is something you can run at anytime. Current events won’t change it. Those cartoons are easy, which makes them hard for me. They’re often about weather, litter, or something harmless that people don’t really get upset over. Editors love them.

March 11-17 is Sunshine Week in 2018. Journalists use this time to point out the importance of a free press and champion laws for open information. Last year, I drew a cartoon for the American Society of Newspaper Editors and it was pretty evergreeny. They were allowed to use the cartoon for free in whatever way they saw fit, which included providing it to schools. It is an important issue, especially when we have a president accusing the press of being enemies of the American people while also praising authoritarians who have oppressed the media in their nations.

It was a lazy and terrible cartoon and I hated it. It was pretty obvious too and another cartoonist had drawn the exact same thing a year or so before for the same association. I did not know that until he contacted me the day it was published insinuating that I had stolen this really crappy idea from him.

I was jaded from drawing a cartoon I didn’t wanna draw, and then being accused of theft by a person who couldn’t get an original or unique idea with a brain transplant, that I decided I wasn’t going to do it this year. Besides, I had already hit the same subject for The Seattle Times a few weeks ago on a statewide issue for them.

Then, my friend Mike Peterson, who publishes the excellent blog Comic Strip Of The Day, used my cartoon from earlier today. Mike mentioned how I attacked politicians keeping secrets without mentioning Sunshine Week. He was correct in assuming I didn’t think about it.

Then, this idea hit me. Talking to Mike made me think how “Sunshine” is also a stripper name, and then ding ding ding (that’s how we get our ideas, people. We think about strippers).  I decided to draw it and give you a bonus cartoon for today (and it’ll let me take Saturday off to eat ice cream and watch a movie). I sent it to that editors’ association, and they can use if they want. I really don’t care if they do or not.

I’m happier with this cartoon than the one from last year because it’s more specific, more unique with my style of goofiness, and nobody can accuse me of stealing it.

By the way, a band of mine played a show in Washington, D.C. several years ago and this stripper named Sunshine showed up, and she wanted to wash my drummer’s hair with her feet (that’s totally unimportant to the story, but how can I leave that detail out?). I asked for her real name, and she said it was Desiree. Damn, that girl’s mom must have really wanted her to be a stripper.

Update: I just remembered that stripper’s name wasn’t Sunshine. It was Heaven. Where did I get Sunshine from? Eh. I got a cartoon out of it.

Here is the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Blackmail


cjones03132018

Alyssa Mastromonaco, former deputy chief of staff for operations in the Obama administration recently wrote, “When you go to work in the White House, you divest yourself of your secrets for the same reason you divest yourself of your financial holdings: so people can’t blackmail you.”

Jared and Ivanka Trump both lied about their debt while filing their disclosure forms with the FBI for their security clearances. They initially claimed their debts were somewhere between $19 million to $98 million. Later, they had to resubmit to claim their debts were actually somewhere between $31 million to $155 million. They’re either liars or they don’t own a calculator.

People working in the West Wing who don’t come clean about the amount of their debt, or who they’re indebted to, or the fact they’re wife beaters, are susceptible to blackmail. This doesn’t apply just to people who work for the president, but the person who is the president. Our first warning sign was the fact he wouldn’t release his taxes.

Donald Trump is the first president in the modern era not to release his taxes. He promised he would and then reneged on that promise. Whether his supporters care or not, he’s got something to hide. While we initially thought he was hiding the fact he’s not as rich as he claims, it’s come to light that he’s hiding where his money is coming from and who he’s indebted to.

While Donald Trump may be more of a collection of horrible traits than an actual human being, the horrible trait of being exposed to blackmail may be the most serious and dangerous to our nation.

There shouldn’t be a debate whether Trump is susceptible to blackmail because blackmail has been paid in the past to protect him. It may not ever come to light that Trump ever paid blackmail himself, as his friends at the National Enquirer and his lawyer have covered his ass for him in the past.

The National Enquirer buys stories from women who claim they’ve slept with Trump, sign the rights so the publication has the exclusive story, and then never publish the story. Trump’s lawyer claims he paid off porn star Stormy Daniels without ever consulting with his client, was never paid back by Trump, the Trump Organization, or the Trump campaign. Michael Cohen, Trump’s lawyer, claims he used his home equity line to pay Daniels $130,000. He just hasn’t admitted what that payment was for, though we all know what it was for.

Cohen could be disbarred for violating ethic rules. He is also in trouble for violating campaign finance rules, as his payment, a few days before the election, was to help Trump’s campaign. Cohen did not make the payment out of the goodness of his heart. He’s a lawyer for a right-wing scumbag. He doesn’t have a heart.

Is Stormy Daniels the only woman who has been paid to keep quiet about an affair with Trump? If not, who has made those payments in the past? More troubling, if Trump will pay blackmail to hide infidelity and other assorted sex scandals, how far will he bend for more serious players, like Vladimir Putin? How clean can someone be when the main selling point for their property is that it’s great for money laundering?

A person open to blackmail is not a person we want negotiating with Vladimir Putin or even Kim Jong Un. The fact Trump hasn’t criticized Putin, enacted authorized sanctions against Russia, or even attempt to protect our nation from Russia is an indication that someone somewhere connected to Russia has something on Trump.

When Trump is questioned by Robert Mueller, he’ll be asked about Stormy Daniels and the payoff. Republicans considered perjury an impeachable offense for Bill Clinton. It should still be an impeachable offense when Trump lies about Stormy Daniels.

The Stormy affair may not be dangerous to the nation, but if it removes Trump from office it will protect us from more dangerous players.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Trump Tramps


cjones03102018

Make America great again, my ass. When the Trump era is finally over, we’re going to have to hose America down again. I want that cap.

We thought Bill Clinton sullied the office by traipsing around with an intern. Who woulda thunk that we could get nastier than finding a president’s DNA on a blue dress….or any dress for that matter? Leave it to Donald Trump to do just that.

Republicans were outraged over Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky. They campaigned that it was an erosion of family values, blah, blah, blah. Apparently, to Republicans, the only thing worse than a Democratic president in a torrid sex scandal is a black president. No sex scandal. Just that the president is black. Because, when if you listened to Republicans over the past several years, a black president, married to one woman, with two children from that same individual woman, and lives by ethics, principles, and loyalty, is so much worse than a dishonest Republican cheating on his wife with a porn star.

It’s alleged that Trump had an affair with Stormy Daniels in 2006, but forget that alleged stuff. She said she can describe his junk perfectly, which would explain why she’s had the night terrors since 2006. She has even hinted she has photos, which brings up two questions: Where are they and why? For the love of God and all that is holy….WHY?

Days before the election, Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen paid Stormy $130,000 through a shell company in Delaware (there’s at least one reason to go to Delaware). He had Stormy sign an agreement that she would never talk about it, and he has claimed he paid the money himself and wasn’t reimbursed by Trump or his campaign. The White House says Trump doesn’t know anything about it.

There’s a couple of problems, at least a couple, with that. Lawyers don’t settle claims without their client’s involvement or permission. Paying someone off to help a political candidate is a campaign contribution. If it goes unreported, as this has, it’s a crime.

Stormy has sued the president in a California court seeking to speak publicly on the matter. She claims her hush contract is void because the president never signed it. In fact, the president’s name isn’t on the contract. It’s attributed to David Dennison, presumably a fake name for Trump. I guess Trump thought it would be tacky to use his usual pseudonym, Barron, as that’s also the name of his son, who his wife was pregnant with at the time of the affair. Two points for Trump for not dragging his son’s name into an affair with a porn star. But, even David Dennison didn’t sign the contract. Stormy didn’t sign the contract either, nor did she in her real name, Stephanie Clifford, but as “Peggy Peterson.” They’re fighting over a contract that was signed and unsigned by people who do not exist.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told the press that Trump won an arbitration proceeding to prevent Stormy from talking. Wait, what? An arbitration proceeding?

Court cases are public. Arbitration proceedings are not. We would not have known about this arbitration proceeding if Sanders hadn’t told us. Thanks, Sarah. You really are worth every penny we’re paying you. But, if Trump isn’t involved then how does the White House know about this arbitration proceeding, and….how did Trump win if he’s not a part of it? Do you just like winning so much that you’ll claim wins you weren’t a part of, like Obama’s economy? Do you like winning so much that you’ll out the president’s affair with a porn star? Sarah Huckabee Sanders basically gave Viagra to Trump’s porn star scandal. Did I just put a horrible image in your head? It’s what I do, folks.

Trump doesn’t have a good track record with blondes. Ivanka is now being investigated by Robert Mueller for shady business dealings. Kellyanne Conway violated the Hatch Act, which prohibits government employees from using their position to play politics. Conway did just that by advocating on TV, twice, for voters in Alabama to vote for a Republican pedophile.

Trump has brought corruption, obstruction of justice, Russians, treason, stupidity, nepotism, Nazis, pedophiles, and porn stars to the Oval Office. I really miss the blue dress.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Skanking With The NRA


cjones02182018

As predictable as conservative political cartoonists drawing crying Uncle Sams after this week’s school shooting in Parkland, Florida, Republicans tweeted out “thoughts and prayers.”

Thoughts and prayers are very nice. I’m not against thoughts and prayers. I am against only offering thoughts and prayers. Republicans are bad about offering thoughts and prayers while aiding a lobbying organization that opposes all methods of gun control, or even gun sense.

After the Las Vegas shooting, we were told it was too soon to talk about it. But, there was talk of ending the sale of bump stocks, a device that basically turns a semi-automatic weapon into an automatic weapon. It’s been five months since the Vegas massacre, but I guess it’s still too soon because we’ve yet to see any effort in ending the sales of bump stocks.

Incredulity has been expressed at the fact a 19-year-old can’t buy a drink, can’t buy a handgun, but in Florida, he can purchase a semi-automatic AR-15, the gun of choice for mass shooters. That’s the law and there’s nothing illegal about it until he starts shooting his former classmates. Will we see Republicans, who control the House, Senate, Presidency, and even the governorship in Florida, do anything about this? Looking at the financial contributions from the NRA to Republicans, all we can expect are more thoughts and prayers while creating laws that make it as easy as possible to kill dozens of people in a manner of minutes.

While Trump’s lawyer pays off porn stars to shut up, the NRA pays of Republicans to tell us to shut up about gun control. The porn star was a lot cheaper and has higher principles.

Senator John McCain is the granddaddy of receiving money from the NRA. He’s taken $7,740,521. But, he did offer thoughts and prayers.

Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina has accepted $6, 986,620 from the NRA. He also offered thoughts and prayers.

Roy Blunt, Senator from Missouri, got $4,551,146. He too offered thoughts and prayers.

Cory Gardner, Senator from Colorado, got $3,879,064. He sent his thoughts and prayers.

Iowa Senator Joni Ernst took $3,124,273 and gave us thoughts and prayers.

Indiana’s Todd Young got $2,896,732 and gave thoughts and prayers.

Louisiana’s Bill Cassidy received $2,861,047 and also gave thoughts and prayers.

Those numbers are just from the Senate. I didn’t include contributions to the House. But you can check out the list at The New York Times. Among the highest recipients of NRA funds in the House, 95 out of 100 are Republican. The top two Democrats in the Senate are Joe Manchin of West Virginia and Patrick Leahy of Vermont, who rank 52nd and 53rd — behind every Republican but Dan Sullivan of Alaska.

The NRA spent over $50 million to elect Trump, and there are questions about some of that money coming from Russia.

In Florida, Senator Marco Rubio has received $3,303,355, and Governor Rick Scott, along with Rubio, has an A+ rating from the NRA, which means they belong to the NRA.

When asked about gun control, Rubio said it was too soon to talk about it after the Parkland shooting “because people don’t know how this happened.” Yes, we do, Marco. A kid bought a semi-automatic weapon, which is legal because politicians like you allow it, and he took it to a school and shot 17 people. That’s what happened.

Don’t expect solutions from these people. Do not expect gun sense, common sense, or any sense. Do not expect results.

But they will give you lots of thoughts and prayers.

Here’s the video.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Stormy


cjones02012018

Is it unfair of me to hit Melania Trump with a cartoon? Yeah. Political cartoons aren’t supposed to be fair. Show me a fair political cartoon and I’ll show you a crappy cartoon.

During the national meltdown that was Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, conservatives and liberals alike wondered, some demanded, why Hillary wouldn’t leave Bill. I don’t like to judge other people’s relationships. But, I wondered the same thing at the time. I thought, man…Hillary can never wear a blue dress ever again. But, there are differences between Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump.

The first thing is, Bill did not marry Hillary to be a trophy wife. Republicans can’t make that argument after spending over twenty years insulting her looks. Bill and Hillary married right out of college. They tied their careers together. They were real partners. Hillary and Bill married each other believing in building a future of great accomplishments. None of that is true for Melania and Donald.

Melania is Donald’s third wife, who he cheated with on wife number two, who he cheated with on wife number one. Trump has a long history of cheating, grabbing women, and just being an all-around asshole toward them. Trump has bragged about assaulting women and barging in on teenage girls undressing. None of this can be news to Melania.

It is extremely difficult to believe that Melania, who is 24 years younger than Donald, would be married to him if he wasn’t a supposed billionaire or famous TV personality. Beautiful models don’t marry old, racist assholes with bad comb-overs who paint themselves orange…unless they have a lot of money.

I feel Melania’s pain and humiliation over the revelation that Trump had an affair with a porn star and paid her hush money. I’d be pissed too. But, while this issue may be new news to Melania, the fact Trump is a piece of crap can’t be unless she really is stupid. She may be ignorant but she’s not stupid.

She is a victim of her husband and a fair target for my criticism. She didn’t ask for this, but she can’t be surprised. Look who she married. She can’t be entirely ignorant about plagiarizing Michelle Obama’s speeches either. Also, how can she look at anyone with a straight face while talking about her anti-bullying campaign? Has she reasoned to her young son, named after Trump’s pseudonym, why bullying is wrong except when Daddy does it?

Melania publicly slapped Trump’s hand away on an international trip. She ditched the Davos trip after the Stormy news came out. It’s reported in Fire And Fury that she has a separate bedroom from Trump which proves she is a human being. This is not a real marriage. She should get out.

Republicans in Washington may be selling their souls and dignity, but Melania still has a chance to redeem hers.

As Oprah would say, you go, girl.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Stormy Shithole


cjones01152018

The new normal reasserted itself on Friday when news broke that the president of the United States of America had an affair…with a porn star…named “Stormy”…who was paid off to keep quiet….and hardly anyone batted an eye. The only way this scandal would have stopped the presses is if the Stormy affair was with Mike Pence.

Donald Trump in a brouhahaha with a porn star, not surprising. Mike Pence having an impure thought, jaw-dropping. That guy won’t peel his own bananas.

Once upon a time there was a president who received oral sex in the Oval Office and all government business stopped for over a year. It just halted. It was like the invasion of Iraq except the invasion was of an intern’s mouth.

Granted, there are some differences between the Trump sex thing (just typing that got an “ew” out of me) and Bill Clinton’s dalliance.

Clinton’s peccadillo occurred while he was president and Trump’s happened over a decade ago before he even knew there were three branches of government (he knows now, right?). But, Clinton’s Oval Office oral sexcapade was huge news before he testified to a grand jury, before Congress impeached him for it, and before the Senate held a trial. But, Clinton is a Democrat, and he’s Bill Clinton. We knew he was horny when we first elected him in 1992. Before the affair became public most of believed it was only a matter of time before he got caught doing something improper with his wiener. Hell, the Republicans wanted it so bad they spent nearly $40 million of taxpayer money digging for it, and all they got for all that time and money was a blue dress with a stain.

Say what you will about Robert Mueller, but he hasn’t run a DNA test on a semen stain.

Trump’s scandal should still be a big deal. He is the president, and he had an affair with a porn star, and then she was paid to keep quiet about it. He was married to his current wife, which is wife number three. He’s a Republican and his voters are supposedly the people who care so much about family and Christian values. Trump is the guy who promised to bring “Merry Christmas” back (since it never actually went anywhere, it’s a lot easier to bring back than coal mining jobs).

So why was this pushed back by the media? Because we’re still freaking out over “shithole countries.” This president has lied on a daily basis about assorted bullshit. He’s attacked women and minorities. He has boasted about assaulting women and been accused of it by over 20 women. He endorsed a pedophile and defended Nazis. He says stupid stuff and then he double downs on the comments. He’s committed treason. We’ve avoided nuclear war so far despite Trump. After all that shit the porn star news is a little refreshing. The biggest surprise about the porn star is that it was consensual. What if we throw in a second porn star?

For the record, the porn star, Stormy Daniels, has denied the affair and having been paid off. Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen has denied it too. He denied it while using the porn star’s working name and not her real one, which was kinda weird. But, of course they denied it because that’s how hush money works.

While they have denied it, a deposit of $130,000 was given by Mr. Cohen to Miss Winter’s Los Angeles bank account. Where did that money come from? Did it come from Cohen, Trump, or Trump’s charity?

It seems Miss Stormy was trying to pitch her story to news outlets shortly before the election, and then she stopped returning reporters’ phone calls. A former Playboy playmate was also shopping a story to news outlets (which real news outlets do not pay for), when she finally got a buyer. The National Enquirer bought her story for $150,000 (how are we evaluating the worth of these porn stars?), and then they buried it. No, not on the back page. They never ran it. They bought her story, shut her up, and sat on the story so it wouldn’t hurt Trump’s chances of being elected president.

David Pecker is the head of the National Enquirer. He’s a good friend of Trump. Trump has said the Enquirer deserves a Pulitzer Prize and that Pecker should be publishing The New York Times. Perhaps the weirdest part of this story is that the character named “Pecker” is not in porno. But, wouldn’t it be awesome if Stormy married Mr. Pecker and became Stormy Pecker? I love a good fairy tale.

Another interesting side note to all of this is that Stormy once considered running for the U.S. Senate in Louisiana. Weirder things have happened. She ultimately chose not to seek the seat, and a weirder thing happened. The sitting Senator, Republican David Vitter, won despite a scandal with prostitutes. Seriously, Republicans. You’re the Christian and family values party. C’mon!

This new normal thing is affecting me too. I was working on my last cartoon when I saw a headline about it on Facebook. I just kept scrolling. I had my TV on cable news and there wasn’t anything being said about Trump, porn stars, hush money, or peckers, and I wasn’t watching Fox. After a few hours I thought about it and went looking for the story. I wanted to see if maybe it wasn’t a big deal.

The Wall Street Journal broke the story, so I went there. They had a paywall. I already have three newspaper subscriptions and I’m not about to buy a fourth, but one of those other should help me out. I went to The Washington Post and I couldn’t find anything on it. I went to The New York Times and finally found a story, which took some scrolling. “President, porn, pecker man” was not the top story. I guess after all the other Trump fuckery we’re lucky the Stormy porn scandal doesn’t involve a pee tape….or does it?

I’m just saddened that Miss Stormy won’t talk about it. I have so many questions. Did the president’s thingy work? Why would she sleep with Donald Trump? Was cocaine involved (we are talking about a porn star and Los Angeles. There had to be coke). How gross and disgusting was it? How long did it last? Did she laugh at it? Was it everything Rubio said it wasn’t? Is there a tape? Was pee involved? Can you mix Viagra with Tic Tacs?

The Trump era will not be complete until Donald Trump tweets about porn. For that to happen we all have to talk about it. For my own amusement, I need to hear Trump sycophants and Christians defend pornography and Donald Trump putting “porn” and shithole” in the news in the same week. I need to hear Tomi Lahren justify this.

Who would have guessed “porn” and “shithole” in the same week Trump got a finger up his ass would all be unrelated?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude