Get Me To The Megachurch On Time


Joel Osteen is a mega-preacher who operates a mega-church that makes mega-moolah. Financially, Osteen is worth around $56 million dollars. Ethically, he’s worth a lot less.

Osteen preaches out of Houston where he promotes “prosperity theology.” His televised sermons are seen by over seven million people each week, and over 20 million monthly in over 100 countries. His sermons are broadcast daily over Sirius XM Satellite Radio. He’s written seven New York Times Best sellers.

Joel lives in a mansion worth over $10 million dollars. His cathedral is the former arena for the Houston Rockets and it seats over 16,000 people. The arena is neat, sparkly, and clean and Joel wants to keep it that way.

After Hurricane Harvey hit the coast of Texas and flooded Houston, Joel tweeted out that he was praying for everyone. As warehouses, stores, and other churches opened up as evacuation centers, Joel’s church remained closed.

The church tweeted out that it was closed and recommended several other churches where the unwashed masses could seek shelter. They claimed their venue was “inaccessible due to severe flooding.” 

Some Houston citizens tweeted out photos of the area around the church that showed it was clear from floods. The church responded with photos of their own that show the place flooded. Despite the claim that they’re flooded, the church says it will provide sanctuary after all the other shelters are full. How are they going to provide sanctuary if they’re flooded? Hmmm?

Prayers are nice. Cash is better. Joel is a big believer in cash. Perhaps he can offer Houston a bit more than prayers.

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  1. Somebody needs to smack this POS upside the head with a big old hardback Bible and then rub his nose in it and make him read certain passages aloud, because he seems to be completely ignorant of 99.9% of its contents. Most of the parts often printed in red, which are supposed to be what Jesus said, would be the place for him to start. Even as an atheist I know that “prosperity gospel” is a perversion of the text. Also the “What you did for the least of them you did for me” passage would be one he should memorize.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There’s also “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and don’t do what I say?” Luke 6:46

      Jesus said unto him, If thou will be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions. Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. (Matthew 19: 21-24; Mark 10:21-25; Luke 18:22-25)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s likely that passage is addressed in one of those 7 NY Times best-sellers, though I’ll never be sure as I wouldn’t waste two seconds of my time reading anything that POS authored.


  2. Typical organized religious hypocrites. Be generous only when it benefits the holy dollar. God’s in there somewhere with these guys. You just have to read between the lines. (insert pic of flipping the middle finger) If at the time this man goes to the pearly gates there will be much rejoicing!(They’ve probably never had an evangelist there before!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Been thinking about this, and the only way it makes sense is if Tyler Perry is actually Michael “The Black Man”


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