Hurricane Harvey

Climate Cliche


cjones09072017

I don’t know which is more ironic. Conservatives who deny the science of climate change who are in areas affected by natural disasters, or the same conservatives asking for federal money for those disasters while screaming against the ill effects of socialism.

Wildfires are raging across the West in Oregon, California, Washington state, Utah, Idaho, Colorado, and Montana, and they’ve already burned over seven million acres. Houston, the Texas and Louisiana coasts are still drying out from Hurricane Harvey. Many people are estimating that the rebuilding will cost over $150 billion. That’s billions. Hurricane Irma is sweeping through the Caribbean and is aiming straight for Florida or South Carolina, and is the largest Atlantic hurricane ever recorded since they started recording hurricanes.

Your rigid partisan beliefs don’t change facts. They don’t change science. Harvey and Irma aren’t taking polls while they’re destroying your house. The climate doesn’t care what you believe, or that you don’t know the difference between “climate” and “weather.”

You’ll refuse to acknowledge wildfires and catastrophic level hurricanes are evidence of climate change, but I’m sure you’ll point out that February snow in Buffalo proves it doesn’t exist.

Like the guy in the cartoon, I’ll be rolling my eyes at you.

Creative notes: This cartoon is exactly why a lot of my colleagues don’t like me and I don’t have any friends. I make fun of them. Before we can make fun of other people, we have to learn how to laugh at ourselves. A lot of cartoonists haven’t figured that out. But in their defense, I can be a jerk.

Over the past week and then some, several cartoonists drew the guy in the water with a sign saying “climate change is a hoax.” Every cartoonist will have the same idea as another cartoonist from time to time (it happened to me last week), but some avoid the herds. At least they weren’t the same guys who drew arks. Someone lazy always draws an ark.

So, I tried to take the cliche and make fun of it while making an actual statement on the issue, while also realizing most readers won’t understand it’s a cliche. Most newspaper editors seem to love the most obvious ideas. I’ll be honest and admit that I often draw cartoons while not being sure if they actually work that well. This is one of them. I wait for the reactions. The worst reaction is no reaction.

My friend and colleague Matt Davies did draw one the other day that definitely worked. He was probably aware of all the “wading climate denier” cartoons and decided to put a twist on it. He’s one of the more brilliant people doing this job and his cartoon actually included a topic most haven’t tackled yet, myself included. I’m still jealous.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Advertisements

Get Me To The Megachurch On Time


cjones08312017

Joel Osteen is a mega-preacher who operates a mega-church that makes mega-moolah. Financially, Osteen is worth around $56 million dollars. Ethically, he’s worth a lot less.

Osteen preaches out of Houston where he promotes “prosperity theology.” His televised sermons are seen by over seven million people each week, and over 20 million monthly in over 100 countries. His sermons are broadcast daily over Sirius XM Satellite Radio. He’s written seven New York Times Best sellers.

Joel lives in a mansion worth over $10 million dollars. His cathedral is the former arena for the Houston Rockets and it seats over 16,000 people. The arena is neat, sparkly, and clean and Joel wants to keep it that way.

After Hurricane Harvey hit the coast of Texas and flooded Houston, Joel tweeted out that he was praying for everyone. As warehouses, stores, and other churches opened up as evacuation centers, Joel’s church remained closed.

The church tweeted out that it was closed and recommended several other churches where the unwashed masses could seek shelter. They claimed their venue was “inaccessible due to severe flooding.” 

Some Houston citizens tweeted out photos of the area around the church that showed it was clear from floods. The church responded with photos of their own that show the place flooded. Despite the claim that they’re flooded, the church says it will provide sanctuary after all the other shelters are full. How are they going to provide sanctuary if they’re flooded? Hmmm?

Prayers are nice. Cash is better. Joel is a big believer in cash. Perhaps he can offer Houston a bit more than prayers.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Harvey Danger


cjones08302017

I have gone through four hurricanes in my life, so my heart is with everyone currently dealing with Harvey in Texas. However, I can’t help but make fun of a red state that claims they don’t need the federal government until a disaster shows up, and religious zealots who blame natural disasters on liberal stuff like gay marriage.

And, not just for natural disasters. In 2001, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell blamed 9/11 on the ACLU, gays, lesbians, pagans, abortionists, and feminists. It seemed the only ones they forgot to include was al Qaida.

Robertson also blamed Hurricane Katrina (which devastated New Orleans in 2005) on America’s abortion policy. He also blamed the Haitian earthquake in 2010 on a pact with the Devil that Haitians made to liberate themselves from French slave owners (the Devil must be a procrastinator because that rebellion occurred in 1791). In 1976, Robertson predicted that the world would end in 1982. Perhaps Robertson got mixed signals and confused the end of days with Grease 2 and “The Safety Dance.” Robertson also claimed that God told him Mitt Romney would win the election in 2012 and serve two terms. I seriously think God is fucking with Pat Robertson. He recently fell off a horse, which God didn’t feel like warning him about or that was his wrath for Patterson being a righteous dick.

In 2012, when Hurricane Sandy hit liberal New York and New Jersey, eight Texas lawmakers voted against increasing flood insurance, and 23 voted against emergency funding for victims. One of those was the biggest sanctimonious sack of crap to ever enter the United States Senate, but we’ll see where Ted Cruz stands with his state needing funding for Harvey, which some estimate the damages could reach nearly $40 billion.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott sued the federal government over environmental regulations back when he was the state’s attorney general. The Houston Chronicle’s editorial page said he “lead the charge against Obama-era climate regulations.” He also expressed concern that Obama was using the military for a “hostile takeover” of Texas. Right now, he really wants a federal government invasion led by FEMA.

The federal government will come. In fact, Donald Trump will visit on Tuesday, so Texas has that to look forward to. I think it’s awesome the president is taking time out from his busy schedule of tweeting, pardoning racist lawbreakers, and holding campaign rallies. It’s more than he did for Charlottesville.

I was born in Texas so I feel I’m allowed to make fun of them. I love Texans except for Texans who don’t live in Texas. Why? Because they never shut up about Texas. It’s the same deal with vegetarians. How do you know someone is a vegetarian? They’ll tell you….over and over and over. Same with Texans.

Creative notes: I don’t know if there are any “Yee-Haw” streets in Texas, but they do have stores that sell liquor and guns. Some are drive-thrus. Yup.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.