Stuck With Trump


Takeaways from the New Hampshire Republican Primary.

First: Is Donald Trump getting oranger? I know that’s grammatically incorrect. More orangish? Is he becoming more orange? The fucker’s orange, ya’ll.

Trump had a big win. Now we’ll finally see him brought down as his opponents and the media will start to focus on him. Now he’ll face some scrutiny and people will expect specifics. Yeah…uh…because that hasn’t happened yet?

Iowa and New Hampshire are retail politics. You know, where you meet people one on one, you go into living rooms, coffee shops, shake hands, all the things Trump doesn’t like to do. For a guy that doesn’t like meeting people he did very well in getting their support. Now he moves on to the contests where it is more about large pep rallies which as we know, is where Trump Excels. The GOP really does not want Trump as their nominee. They’re in trouble.

John Kasich came in second. He practically lived in New Hampshire. His placing is impressive and he gets an attaboy for his effort. That’s going to be it. The next contests don’t provide him the cushion of time and tiny geography to work his mellow magic. Also, he needs to stop talking about getting “pounded.” I don’t think he knows it means something other than what he think it means. Coming in second is a victory for Kasich (like third was for Marco in Iowa) while the same finish is a huge loss for Clinton. That’s how it’s spun.

Ted Cruz came in third despite Donald Trump calling him a “pussy.” This blog’s just full of bad words today. New Hampshire is a place where the voters are a different kind of weird. One voter said she was deciding between Sanders and Fiorina which makes you wonder what issue was most important to her (free college for fetuses?). Even the Republicans aren’t all Jesus Freaks. Cruz is headed down south and that’s his base, crazy gun-toting racist bible thumpers. I still believe this race is between Cruz and Trump. With South Carolina being the land with a history of dirty campaign tricks, Cruz should feel at home.

Jeb came in a close fourth. Wow! Jeb didn’t come in last. He trotted out his mom in New Hampshire and in South Carolina he’s running ads featuring his brother, the one who destroyed the country, which proves that South Carolina Republicans are all sorts of stupid. One of the big topics in S.C will be military stuff and for some reason George W. is an asset in that topic.  The establishment is still looking for the establishment torch bearer to beat the outsider crazies of Trump and Cruz. Problem is, I don’t think Republicans want an establishment guy.

After Marco Rubio flamed out during the last debate (Oops! I shouldn’t use “flame” in regards to Marco) he had a tight (really, I’m not doing this on purpose) fifth place finish. He finally admitted he sucked (Honest, I’m not) during the debate. Many wondered how he would place after Chris Christie bent him over and gave him a spanking (OK, that one was intentional). The good news for the Marcobot is…

…Chris Christie has gone back to New Jersey, which is a place famous for people not wanting to return to. But Christie, despite appearances, actually has a job there. I’m going to miss Christie and I wish he would hang around a bit longer. At least for a few more debates just to bully Rubio. I was going to place wagers on Rubio crying. Christie left the race very quietly which is not a description normally used for Christie. After being as loud as possible, and a blowhard, jerk, bully, you would think that he could face the music. No press conference from Christie. Just a Facebook post. Yeah, he’s a tough guy.

At least Christie served a purpose. Carly Fiorina has abandoned her ridiculous campaign too. Fiorina scored high with pundits at her first debate, which was at the kids’ table, and the second debate which was on the big stage. Afterward people started checking on the stuff she was actually saying and discovered the woman is a pathological liar. Not every sociopath can be as charming as Trump.

Ben Carson is still in it. Why? I guess he still has campaign money. At this point his participation is a little more involved than former Virginia governor Jim Gilmore who is still technically running. Gilmore is in the race but he’s not actually campaigning. He’s announced and that’s about it. He might have a web site. I could Google that to find out but it’s Jim Gilmore and I don’t care. That’s where Dr. Sleepy Stabby is now. His entire output at this point will be fundraising, not actually attempting to convince people to vote for him, or what the actual use for the pyramids.

We’ve only had one caucus and primary up to this point and it’s already been the weirdest campaign ever. We’ve only just begun. I can’t wait for the insanity. This is why I can’t sleep.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s