Trump 2016

Hanging On A Vote Count

cjones11152020

In Georgia, Republican Senators David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are headed to runoffs.

Perdue’s election is on the regular schedule for his seat but Loeffler’s is a special election since she was appointed to fill a vacant seat. They’re both very upset over the results in their state in last week’s election. And it’s not that they’re upset over their outcome, but of that for Donald Trump.

Ya’ see, kids…David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are obedient sycophants. They represent the party that’s more about the cult than the party that’s concerned over policy. This Republican Party does not care about democracy or the rule of law. These two senators believe there should be punishment inflicted upon those who don’t use their position or even break the law for Dear Leader. And if a person performs the duties of their job appropriately and it doesn’t serve Trump, then that person has to go.

Perdue and Loeffler are calling upon Georgia’s Secretary of State, Brad Raffensperger, a fellow Republican, to resign because he counted more votes for Joe Biden than he did for Donald Trump.

There’s a very good reason why Raffensperger counted more votes for Joe Biden than for Donald Trump in Georgia and that’s because more people in Georgia voted for Joe Biden than for Donald Trump.

Georgia is run by Republicans and they’re all upset that Joe Biden has won the state. They have scheduled a hand-recount and they haven’t even finished the first count. Funny thing is, in 2018, Georgia’s then-Secretary of State, Brian Kemp, removed thousands of black voters from the being eligible to vote and, surprise surprise, he won the gubernatorial election. The man literally voted on his voters. These Republicans didn’t have an issue with that vote count.

Now, David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are calling the election and “embarrassment” and these two Riff Raffs are accusing Raffensperger of “mismanagement” and “lack of transparency.” Just like the accusations Republicans are making in other states over Donald Trump losing, these two didn’t have proof, examples, specifics, evidence, etc. Their only grounds are that Dear Leader didn’t win.

Democrats did not steal this election. If they did, there wouldn’t be two senate runoffs. Republicans won’t be able to overturn the election in any state and they’d need several to give Trump enough votes to win the electoral college.

The facts are Donald Trump lost the election and Joe Biden is the president-elect of the United States of America. Since they don’t like those facts, elections, or democracy, I don’t know why Republicans are playing around with recounts and lawsuits. Why don’t they just cancel all elections, ignore the recent one, and declare themselves winners? They can declare Donald Trump president for life and install themselves as his minions with government salaries and free healthcare.

Republicans don’t care about democracy or the United States Constitution because they are trying to steal an election. They only care about the cult of Trump. Their unwillingness to accept election results is proof they never considered impeachment for Trump or cared that he broke the law in that matter.

Republicans, you lost. Get over it. Go over to that racist social media platform, Parlor, and gripe about it there.

But since we’re still using elections to select our leaders, pay attention in Georgia. And here’s a tip when you vote: Don’t vote for motherfuckers who want to steal your vote. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who don’t believe in the sanctity of democracy and fair elections. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who want to punish people because they don’t like the legal outcome. Don’t vote for undemocratic motherfuckers. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who will put Dear Leader over their duties as elected members of the United States Senate.

Georgia, you can do better than being represented by cowards and sycophants. Make it happen.

Note: I used to live in Georgia back in the early 80s.

Other note: My son has tested positive for the coronavirus. And totally unrelated, I have been experiencing symptoms. I’m taking a test tomorrow afternoon. I can’t smell anything. I can’t even smell the GOP bullshit.

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Cruz For Sale

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Texas Senator and former and future presidential candidate Ted Cruz just endorsed Donald Trump.

At the Republican convention in Cleveland Cruz drew much condemnation for not endorsing Trump and saying that every voter has to follow their conscience. It turns out,Ted Cruz doesn’t have one.

Donald Trump has insulted Ted by giving him the clever nickname “Lyin’ Ted.” He’s insulted his wife by posting memes on Twitter making fun of her face. He’s insulted his father by linking him to the J.F.K. assassination. In response Cruz labeled Trump a “pathological liar, serial philanderer,” and a “sniveling coward.” Today Cruz is supporting Trump because he believes Clinton is worse than all those accusations and he’s afraid who she’ll appoint to the Supreme Court.

Many Cruz supporters refused to back Donald Trump as they believe he’s a secret liberal Democrat and Cruz is a man of ethics and principles. They’re probably correct in that you can’t trust Trump to do anything he promises as he states a position, flips from it, and flips right back, often within hours. They’re wrong that Cruz is a man of integrity. What kind of person supports a man for president who insults their wife and father? Ted Cruz is that type of person.

The question is: Was he full of crap when he said all those nasty things about Donald Trump or is he full of crap now by endorsing him? The answer is: He’s always been full of crap. Selecting a vice presidential running mate, Carly Fiorina at that, before he has the nomination is one sign he’s a desperate phony. He’s also a coward as his endorsement now is to prevent Trump supporters from backing a primary opponent in his senate reelection in two years.

The man has a talent for phony outrage. He pushed the lie about Planned Parenthood selling baby body parts, which is more evidence he lacks integrity. I’ll never forget his whiny victim hood when one of my colleagues took him to task for using his daughters in a campaign ad where he used his daughters to attack Hillary Clinton. I can believe his outrage at Trump was staged as well too.

Ted Cruz is an icky human being. Not physically (OK. Not “just” physically) but in that he’ll use anyone and anything to play the victim and advance his own political career. He said he wouldn’t endorse Trump without an apology. I’m wondering if Cruz apologized to Trump.

Donald Trump has received endorsements from Nazis and KKK members. Creepy and cowardly Ted Cruz fits right in.

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Cupping

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Until yesterday I had never heard of the term “cupping.” At least not in this context. Then 19-times Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps showed up at the Rio Olympics with purple dots all over his body. The entire universe started wondering what was up.

The purple dots are the result of cupping which is Chinese therapy that’s been around for thousands of years. The purpose is to relieve sore muscles. The process involves heated cups placed on the skin, often attached to a sucking machine. It pulls the skin inside the cup and leaves a great big bruise. Basically it’s giving yourself a hickey with a vacuum cleaner.

There’s no scientific evidence that it actually provides any benefit, but if it’s in a user’s head, they’ll swear by it. No word yet on if any of the athletes have resorted to using leeches. That’s been around thousands of years too.

Donald Trump is falling further behind in the polls. Apparently being stupid, insane, and insulting war mothers doesn’t inspire people to want to vote for you. Go figure. I’m sure the entire system is rigged against out of touch billionaires who make stupid and racist comments.

Trump released an economic plan on Monday that will probably have less of an effect on lifting his polls than cupping.

There are dumber things than cupping. Voting for Trump is one of them.

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Trump And Sacrifice

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On the last night of the Democratic National Convention Khizr Khan, his wife Ghazala by his side, recounted to the crowd how his son was killed in 2004 by a car bomb in Iraq. Khan also criticized Donald Trump for his proposed ban on Muslims (which would have prevented his son from serving), that the billionaire had never read the Constitution (and could borrow Khan’s), and that Trump had never sacrificed anything for his country.

That really peeved Donald off. He criticized Ghazala Khan for not speaking and suggested she was forbidden from doing so because she’s Muslim. Trump confused speaking with bacon.

Trump took issue with the charge that he’s never sacrificed. He stated that he has sacrificed by employing thousands of people and giving to veteran charities (after they chase him down for what he’s pledged at press conferences).

What’s really funny is in the past Donald Trump has claimed that his “personal Vietnam” was the danger of contracting a sexually-transmitted disease while he was sleeping around. In a 1997 interview with Howard Stern he said, “I feel like a great and very brave soldier.”

He’s also claimed that his military-themed boarding school education was essentially equivalent to being trained in the military.

Trump received four student deferments from the draft, and after school he was disqualified by a medical exam which still remains a bit of a mystery. He claims he had bone spurs in his foot, but can’t tell you which foot. It’s probably the one he keeps inserting into his mouth.

Trump is no friend to veterans or anyone currently serving in the military. He insulted John McCain and said he wasn’t a war hero because he had been captured. Trump said he likes people who weren’t captured. He’s never done much for veterans but finds them very handy as political props. In fact, Trump has given more money to Hillary Clinton than to veterans groups. In the 1980s, Trump tried to have disabled veteran street vendors kicked off Fifth Avenue because they were making the front of Trump Tower look shabby.

To be fair, Trump has been endorsed by veteran groups that don’t actually exist.

Khan’s son was trained to use a weapon to serve his country and died in Iraq during his service. Trump’s sons use guns to shoot big game animals on African reservations. I don’t think Trump should get into a contest about sacrifice.

I wouldn’t wish gonorrhea on Donald Trump, but I will be glad after election day when he’ll be gone.

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Republican Boogas

cjones07252016

Damn I drew a lot of cartoons this week. I’m three days ahead of schedule with my syndication. Thank god this convention is over and after I draw cartoons on Hillary’s veep pick and Roger Ailes’ horniness, I can take a nap….oh wait. There’s another convention next week. Didn’t they used to take a month between these things?

The Republican convention started with hate, continued with hate, and ended with hate. Donald Trump started his speech by “humbly” accepting his party’s nomination. He gave the longest speech ever for a Republican nominee. He read it off a teleprompter. He read it very slowly. David Duke tweeted out how much he loved it.

High points for his speech includes he didn’t once refer to Hillary Clinton as “Crooked Hillary.” When he talked about banning immigrants, he didn’t mention them being Muslim immigrants. When he talked about the wall he left out the part about Mexico paying for it. When he got one protester during the speech, he didn’t veer off the script to tell the audience to beat her up.

The biggest plus for his speech is when he said we needed to protect LGBTQ from Muslim terrorists. He didn’t mention protecting them from his vice presidential pick, but it’s a start. The Republican audience actually cheered for this and he thanked them.

The rest of the speech was doom and gloom. Basically America is Gotham City run amock with criminals and gangsters and Donald Trump is the only billionaire caped crusader who can save us. We should have a Trump signal. It should look like the lips I give him in every cartoon. What do you think, yes? Though thinking about it, that image high above in the clouds above all of us could make the entire nation crap itself.

Two questions coming out of this convention: Will he get a bounce in the polls? You would think not since the entire thing was one big discombobulated dumpster fire full of hate, vinegar, and cat piss, but a lot of Americans may buy into the fear thing.

The other question is: Will Hillary try to kill his momentum Friday or Saturday by announcing her pick (Tim Kaine) as her veep? I’m not sure she should try to distract from his convention with it being the lukewarm Nazi rally that it was. Let it sink in for a day.

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Trump-Cruz Photo Op

cjones07242016

Ted Cruz spoke at the GOP convention and was loudly booed by the Trump supporters. He refused to endorse Trump. When he spoke of people voting their conscience, many took it as him saying don’t vote for Trump. But these are Republicans. Earlier in the week they booed the rock band Third Eye Blind when the lead singer mentioned science. They booed science.

Many people believe Ted Cruz exhibited a conscience, morals, and ethics. He signed a pledge to support the eventual GOP candidate and today he refuses, reminding us that Trump insulted his wife and accused his father of having a hand in the assassination of JFK.

Ted Cruz doesn’t have morals, class, ethics or anything resembling a conscience. He’s opportunistic. Only the most hideously, vulgar type of people could ever support Ted Cruz for president, U.S. Senate, or even dog catcher. Seriously, would you want this guy around your dog? I didn’t think so.

Cruz broke a pledge. His excuse is that Donald Trump attacked his family. Donald Trump was a horrible leech on humanity before he insulted Cruz’s family and Cruz was just fine with that. He was sucking up to Trump before the insults to his family. He was fine with him insulting women, Mexicans, Muslims, Megyn Kelly, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O’Donnell, John McCain, and even Cruz’s eventual pick for his vice president (proving again that Cruz is a jackass), Carly Fiorina.

Yes, it was classless of Trump to enter the hall during Cruz’s speech. Trump has appeared every night as if we needed to be reminded what a narcissist he is. But that classless move was during another classless move.

Cruz’s wife, Heidi, had to be escorted out by security after the speech. Cruz supporters were upset over this, forgetting that Republicans have been amoral Rethuglicans over the past eight years…you know, ever since we made a black guy president.

Did Cruz build his profile for another presidential run in 2020? Maybe, but it’s also likely he committed political suicide in an attempt to destroy Trump along with himself.

If he really, really, really wanted to hurt Donald Trump, he would not only have endorsed him, but joined his ticket as the vice presidential nominee. That would sink faster than a bag of cats tied to a cinder block.

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Trump’s Little Pony

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Trump strategist and noted idiot Sean Spicer went on CNN and MSNBC to defend Melania’s plagiarism by saying some content of her speech is similar to “My Little Pony.” Plagiarism is magic! After spending a day and a half denying any similarities between Melania’s and Michelle Obama’s speeches, and blaming Hillary Clinton (yes….blaming Hillary Clinton), the Trump campaign offered a head on a platter.

Meredith McIver (not “MacGyver”), the writer of the tainted speech, said Melania admires Michelle Obama and quoted parts of her speech to McIver over the phone. McIver, who claims she never looked at Obama’s speech, said that she took notes and included them in the speech. I gotta say, she takes very good notes since she got it word for word. Also, since Melania was such a big admirer of Michelle Obama (which is uncomfortable for Republicans), and read those lines to the writer, why didn’t she recognize them when she read them later in her speech? If I tell you I love Nirvana and you come back with a speech that includes “a mulatto, an albino
a mosquito, my libido,” I’m gonna notice some similarities.

I suppose we’re now required to forget that Melania took total credit for her speech beforehand. But then again, this very intelligent self-made woman who married a billionaire has it in her bio that she graduated from college, when she’s in fact a drop out. Nothing wrong with that. I’m a college dropout but I don’t lie about degrees I don’t have on resumes.

Republicans state she’s not stupid because she’s fluent in five languages. Really? Have you heard Melania speak five languages? I know what “hasta la vista” and “por favor” mean, but that doesn’t make me fluent in Spanish.

So far at this convention we’ve had a pastor describe Democrats as the enemy, a speaker who’s a member of American Muslims For Trump (and he’s probably the only member), speakers yelling for prison time for Hillary, Ben Carson accusing Hillary of having a devil worshiper as her hero, Congressman Steve King saying white people have contributed more to civilization than any other race, and a Trump adviser saying Hillary Clinton should be shot.

Republicans are selling merchandise at the convention calling Clinton a “bitch,” and mentioning her body parts. You had Chachi tweeting out a very vulgar comment about Clinton.

Only 18 of the 4,472 delegates are black. They’ve had more minority speakers than minorities in the audience. It’s really hard to engage in minority outreach while being the biggest bag of dicks in American history.

On top of all this, Laura Ingraham finished off her speech with a Heil Hitler salute. I’m still waiting for that one to be explained.

There’s been a lot of themes for this convention, but it’s been entirely based upon hate, vitriol, and vengeance.

This convention has been a total dumpster fire. I’m loving it!

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Make America Fear Again

cjones07212016

I’m going to be drawing a LOT of cartoons this week. Maybe I’ll take a day off in August or September…or after the election.

When I was a kid and up to being a young adult, I always thought political parties had the same goal of wanting what’s best for our country while disagreeing about the best ways to do it. They’d go so far as to call the other side extreme or out of touch.

Today they label each other as enemies. It’s not just the Republicans but to be fair to the Democrats, they’ve had eight years of blind rage, lies, and racism directed toward President Obama (birthers, questioning his religion, gazillion dollar tax payer funded vacations, etc), and countless investigations to destroy Hillary Clinton.

Today the Republican nominee for president says there’s something going on with the current president regarding violence toward police and terrorism. He’s accused Obama of being born in Kenya. He calls his opponent a liar and a crook.

The theme for the first night of the Republican convention was “Make America Safe Again.” It was more like making America paranoid. They went beyond describing the nation as currently unsafe, and that the president has failed, doesn’t understand, and their opponent is dangerous. They accused Hillary Clinton of murder and said she belongs in prison.

So yeah. I’m going to be drawing a lot of cartoons this week.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Republican Balls

cjones07202016

You can’t bring tennis balls to the Republican convention in Cleveland. You also can’t bring laser pointers, coolers, selfie sticks (that one I support), water cannons, axes, cestuses (Google that), and fireworks. There are 72 items banned from the convention. Guns is not one of them.

The Cleveland police asked the governor to suspend open carry laws, because they apparently don’t believe in that “good guy with a gun” narrative nonsense. Governor John Kasich said no.

I’m watching the convention as I watch this and the theme is “Make America Safe Again.” It’s coming off more as “Make American Paranoid.” They’re talking about death and stoking fears and spreading conspiracy theories. And Republicans wonder how a Donald Trump could become their nominee.

It sounds like a brilliant idea to make everyone paranoid, fearful, and angry in a gun zone.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!