Trippy Botox

I had a few other ideas but I decided to be goofy today without a serious point…other than to point out how goofy these guys are.

When I first heard that Rudy Giuliani had fallen down at the Republican National Convention, I just thought it was really sad. If it’s alcohol-related, then Rudy needs help. However, his spokesgoon said it wasn’t alcohol related…sort of.

He said, “Those falsely suggesting anything else are misleading the public for their own agendas. Anyone who wants to question Mayor Giuliani’s stamina or abilities should check out the half dozen interviews he had just completed before coming over to the convention floor.” Yeah, I’m sure that’s a big help. Are we to compare his recent interviews to those he gave while drunk?

The spokesgoon continued, “The mayor immediately stood up and continued with his jam-packed schedule, collecting video footage and talking with reporters. Mayor Giuliani is thrilled to be here in support of his friend, the 45th and soon-to-be 47th President of the United States, Donald J Trump.”

He refers to Rudy as mayor and not esquire because he can’t. Rudy was recently disbarred.

Rudy tripped all by himself at the convention and landed on a bunch of empty chairs…or did he trip all by himself?

Matt Gaetz gave a speech at the convention Wednesday night but nobody remembers what he said because we were all too busy staring at his face. I haven’t been that fascinated with someone’s gross forehead since that time Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller went on CNN after spraying his head with Hair In A Can. Esquire magazine (just a coincidence) described Gaetz’s new face as “taught,” “shiny,” and “extremely angular-browed.” His new face has been compared to the vampires on Buffy, Eddie Munster, and to the Real Housewives, whom he’d never try to bang because none of them are high school-aged.

Dr. Corey Hartman, a board-certified dermatologist credits Gaetz’s new face to an “overly heavy hand and poor placement” of neuromodulators like Botox. Maybe he used Botox In A Can. The doc also said, “It’s too heavy in the forehead and not lateral enough to prevent Spock Eye,” which is why Gaetz’s brows now make him look like Dr. Spock if Spock had a ridiculously high forehead. The doctor (not Spock) also said that “the glabellar injections [the vertical lines between the eyebrows] use an older technique that pushes the brow down and makes him look more menacing than usual. He also has lid ptosis bilaterally.” That means that the neuromodulator placement has also caused his eyelids to droop. I didn’t know that, I just read it.

Convention notes: There were more MAGAts out last night and I made more videos of the madness than usual which you can find on my Facebook page. Later in the evening, I landed at a party for New York Republicans. Since it was their party, I didn’t start arguments with any of them, but a few approached me throughout the evening. I was wearing a Gibson guitar shirt so they probably knew I wasn’t with them.

A long line of religious zealots passed me earlier in the evening and one saw my shirt and asked if I “Played guitar for Jesus.”

Also earlier, I was walking on the sidewalk on MLK Avenue and was stuck behind a slow-moving line of cops walking single file. A MAGA dude was walking in the opposite direction and repeated over and over as he passed a cop, “Thank you for your service,” with each cop responding, “You’re welcome.” Since I was in a black T-Shirt, and probably because he was on a roll, he said to me, “Thank your service,” and I’m so sorry, because I wasn’t really thinking, but just as he finished, “Thank you for your service,” out from my mouth came, “Fuck you, MAGAt.” I shouldn’t have done that but his expression was hilarious.

It went like this:
Thank you for your service.
You’re welcome.
Thank you for your service.
You’re welcome.
Thank you for your service.
You’re welcome.
Thank you for your service.
Fuck you, MAGAt.

I promise, that’s the only MAGAt I said something nasty to except for the one who called Nadine the N-word.

I also saw John Boehner standing outside a pub smoking a cigarette. He waved at me while I was recording him.

Back at the New York MAGA party, I had a nice conversation with a guy in a Trumper hat and we mostly talked about the strategy of previous races instead of our opinions. I think we both knew where we stood with that stuff, so we talked about election history. He bought me a Spotted Cow. His wife and a few friends joined but they didn’t really engage in our talk.

I also talked to a very cute lady Republican and it seemed like maybe, possibly, perhaps, that she kinda liked me. After we talked for a while, she asked if there was any chance I would change to a conservative in the future. I told her not as long as I continued to believe in facts, civil rights, women’s rights, patriotism, responsible foreign policies, voting rights, and that presidents should be elected and not installed into office through white nationalist MAGA terrorist insurrections. Dammit…she was cute too.

Note to self, don’t discuss politics until AFTER you get the room key.

This is my last night in Milwaukee and honestly, I may not go to the convention for its last night. We’ll see if I get a second wind but I’m burned out on beer and Republicans for the moment. My new friends are expecting to see me so I don’t know yet and I still have to try the beer and cheese soup.

Oh, I did score some free wings courtesy of the New York Republican Party. One of my new friends gave them to me as I was leaving.

Note: I’m in Milwaukee covering the Republican National Convention. I’ll be in Chicago covering the Democrats in August. If you would like to financially contribute and support this effort, you can donate through PayPal (clayjonz@gmail.com). I’m still trying to think of what I can do to thank contributors and I’m open to suggestions. I should also tell you that my coverage will be from outside the venues as neither party wants me inside their house.

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Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have five copies and you can order yours, signed by me, for $45.00. You can pay through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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