Matt Gaetz

Gaetz’s Ex-Girlfriend


Cjones05252021

I don’t really have anything to write for today’s cartoon. We already know Matt Gaetz is a silly, ridiculous, stupid, and vile excuse for a human being. To prove my point, he’s doing rallies with Marjorie Taylor Greene. I fully expect Matt Gaetz to be wearing an orange jumpsuit in the near future. His ex friend is selling him out and now his ex-girlfriend is snitching on him.

But hey, he wanted a girlfriend with a big mouth. This case is about to blow up. The charges are going to inflate. This is where the rubber meets the road. Gaetz will claim she’s full of hot air. I can do this all day.

I was actually working on another cartoon this morning, and had already started later than usual. I like to be weirder than usual on Saturdays. I don’t know why. But right after I did all the lettering for the cartoon I started with, and while rebooting because of a stupid Surface stylus issue, this idea hit me. It couldn’t wait. It made me laugh too much.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Very Nice


Cjones05232021

Rudy Giuliani is being investigated for lobbying violations. Matt Gaetz is being investigated for sex trafficking and for sex with a minor. Donald Trump is being investigated for everything else.

After having his apartment and office raided by the FBI, Giuliani asked why they didn’t pick up the laptop in his possession he claims belongs to Hunter Biden. It’s hard to believe Rudy was once considered a great attorney when he admits to having stolen property in his possession.

Will Rudy flip on Trump? It depends. He may be too stupid or he may be too arrogant to flip on Trump. Rudy could have so much misplaced faith in his legal knowledge and skills, that he believes the Justice Department can’t outwit him. But if the Justice Department is after you, and you can’t differentiate between a hotel and a landscaping business outside a dildo store, you might want to cut a deal. If you’re too stupid to understand shoe polish doesn’t make good hair dye, make a deal.

One person who has flipped is Matt Gaetz’s partner in sex crimes, Joel Greenberg, who knocked his charges down from 33 to six, with one being sex with a minor. How do you reduce your charges from 33 to six? You plead guilty to six and cut a deal by giving the prosecutors someone bigger. Of course, to give someone bigger, you have to have more than your word…especially if you’re the kind of guy who hangs out with Matt Gaetz. Your evidence better be good. Seeing that Greenberg has cut a deal, his evidence is probably pretty good. And if you’ve ever heard the crap that comes out of Gaetz’s mouth, you’ll find it hard to believe he’s good at covering his tracks.

That’s the fun thing about Republicans. They’re stupid and will turn on each other faster than you can say, “Giggity.”

Will the next flipper be Allen Weisselberg, the Trump Organization’s chief financial officer? He’s being investigated by the New York state attorney general, who’s cooperating with the Manhattan district attorney. They’ve been given financial records by Weisselberg’s former daughter-in-law. They’re looking to see if he paid taxes on gifts given to him by Donald Trump, including cars and private school tuition for at least one of his grandchildren, as well as gifts for his son, Barry Weisselberg, who also works for the Trump Organization.

The investigation into Trump himself started as a civil one, but has now been extended to also be a criminal matter…probably because Trump is a criminal. Weisselberg probably won’t turn on Trump based upon his boss’ history of returning loyalty to those loyal to him (that was sarcasm).

Once upon a time, Michael Cohen said he’d never flip on Trump.

Both offices are looking at crimes with insurance fraud (claiming a property is worth more than it is), tax fraud (claiming that same property is worth less than it really is), and paying hush money to porn stars (claiming they never saw your dinky-dinky-doo which isn’t what you say it is). Now, the Manhattan attorney has Trump’s taxes and other financial documents.

The statute of limitations are about to run out on a lot of these actions Trump is expected of doing, so if there are going to be any charges coming from the state of New York, they’ll come very soon. If tax fraud is discovered, and I think it will be, the Justice Department just might jump in. The Justice Department is probably already looking into Trump fuckery, but they’re behind everyone else because for the past four years, they were headed by a guy who saw himself as Trump’s protector.

Donald Trump has already been busted by New York on civil charges regarding his fake university and his fake charity. As for fraud in describing his property, it’s already been proven Trump lies. He’s lied to lenders about how many condo units he’s sold in a property. He’s even lied about how many floors some of his towers have, ignoring that most people can count. And let me remind you, his finances could lead back to Russia which would open up so much more to investigate.

Donald Trump is corrupt. His entire family is corrupt. Everyone who has ever worked for him is corrupt. The Trump Organization is a crime family. Trump claims this is a witch hunt and a political investigation looking for a crime. They have the crimes. This is the guy who publicly tried to shift a world summit to one of his shitty golf resorts when he was president (sic). I don’t think they’ll have much trouble finding evidence of his corruption.

Here’s another juicy detail to this: Florida officials are talking about what to do if there’s an indictment of Trump from New York. The Palm Beach County state attorney, Dave Aronberg, has admitted they’re having conversations about how the state, and its Trump sycophantic governor, Ron DeSantis, can drag their feet with extradition. Is Ron DeSantis preparing to hide Trump in his cellar in case Colonel Landa swings by?

Aronberg said, “So that’s a conversation we’re having: What is the governor’s power? And the governor’s power to stop an extradition is really nonexistent. He can try to delay it, he can send it to a committee and do research about it, but his role is really ministerial, and ultimately the state of New York can go to court and get an order to extradite the former president.” Can you see DeSantis fighting this and using it politically with Trump’s fucknut Florida base? Can you see Ron DeSantis rebranding himself as Trump’s protector? Only in Florida, right?

If they’re talking about this in Florida, it means they expect it because they know Donald Trump is corrupt. No American president has ever been charged criminally. But then again, no president had ever been impeached twice before Donald Trump waddled into the Oval Office. Donald Trump will be criminally charged for something at some point. He’s just too damn corrupt for it not to happen.

DeSantis can delay the extradition…possibly long enough for Donald Trump to flee the country. It’s too bad his largest private jet is in mothballs on an airport tarmac and the smaller plane he has leaves less room for friends, like Rudy Giuliani and Matt Gaetz…if Trump was loyal enough to take them with him. To make room, Trump might have to choose between Rudy, Gaetz, and a KFC bucket. Sorry, boys.

Where could Trump go to flee U.S. prosecution? There are several nations without extradition treaties with the U.S. A lot of them are in kingdoms that are friendly to Trump, such as the United Arab Emirates Republic, Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia. I wouldn’t expect him to end up in Niger, Mongolia, Oman, Yemen, Somalia, Sudan, Togo, or Djibouti (he probably thinks they’re all shitholes). I also wouldn’t expect him to land in Ukraine or China, with all the crap he’s said about them. Of course, he could always go to Russia and become an oligarch. He and Putin can play golf together. He’s already Putin’s ball boy.

I hope Trump is too arrogant to flee the country. Seeing him defeated by President Biden was the first step. Seeing him in prison is the second.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Liz-Aid


Cjones05062021

I have to get my second vaccination this morning. I’m going to do that first, get a money order for my rent, then return and write today’s blog…if I’m not on my ass. Check back later today.

It’s later today:

Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy wants his party to retake the House in 2022. He believes the only way to do that, isn’t just by enabling Donald Trump’s lies, but attacking anyone who speaks against his lies.

The GOP already has gerrymandering to help them retake the House. Red states like Texas, Florida, and North Carolina are getting new congressional seats and that will help them too. They’re changing voting laws to make it more difficult for black people to vote, which will also help them. So you would think McCarthy wouldn’t need to debase himself by groveling to the Trump base. Except, McCarthy is a Republican and most of that party has abandoned principles.

And it’s not just members of the House engaging in the Big Lie that Donald Trump won the election and it was stolen from him. Senator Mitt Romney was booed last week at a Republican event in his home state of Massachusetts, or Utah…or whichever one it is this week. They booed him because he voted to convict Donald Trump.

Republicans are pushing the Big Lie and gaslighting the January 6 terrorist attack on the Capitol that Donald Trump instigated. While Democrats want an independent commission to study the attack, McCarthy and Republicans want to deflect by making Black Lives Matter and Antifa “violence” a part of the study.

Here’s a fact: The attack on the Capitol was conducted by white racist terrorists instigated by Donald Trump and Black Lives Matter and Antifa didn’t have a damn thing to do with it.

If Republicans have their way, an independent commission to study the attack on the Capitol will be about as independent as the Arizona recount being recounted by Republicans, Trump goons, GOP candidates who are on the ballots they’re counting, and MAGA terrorists.

Now, Wyoming’s lone representative, Liz Cheney, daughter of Daick, is demanding that the party have principles. Keep in mind, this is a person who verbally attacked LGBTQ in order to get elected and has a lesbian sister. But for Republicans, this is about as ethical as it gets.

The party that cries about “cancel culture” now want to cancel Liz Cheney. Cheney is speaking out against the Big Lie, saying the election wasn’t stolen, and the Capitol attack was Donald Trump’s fault. She said Donald Trump’s false claims are “poisoning our democratic system.” That might be where she messed up because Republicans care more about conspiracy theories than about our democratic system.

Cheney is the number three Republican in the House and survived a vote to remove her a few months ago after voting to impeach Trump. Reportedly, another vote may come up and this time, she’s not expected to survive. Matt Gaetz, before his sex scandal hit, even went to Wyoming in an ugly suit with his hair sticking up like Cameron Diaz’s in “There’s Something about Mary,” to campaign against her. Why is everything with that guy icky?

Steve Scalise, the number two guy, said about Cheney, “This idea that you just disregard President Trump is not where we are — and frankly, he has a lot to offer still.” The idea Steve Scalise can’t disregard a flagrant liar like Donald Trump who engineered a bloody coup attempt, is now where this country should be.

Today, Kevin McCarthy said on Fox News that any effort to get rid of Cheney isn’t about her vote to impeach Trump, but her “ability to carry out the job as conference chair, to carry out the message.” That message is a message of bullshit.

Right now, there is more criticism and condemnation of Liz Cheney for speaking her mind than there is for Matt Gaetz, or Qanon fucknuts Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert. Next year, you can expect Donald Trump to rally against Liz Cheney in her reelection attempt. Right now, Cheney is fighting for her leadership position, but she may not even have a seat in the next Congress while lunatics like Gaetz, Greene, Boebert, and Jim Jordan are still there.

Kevin McCarthy doesn’t not have principles, ethics, or integrity. He attempted to exercise some integrity by blaming Trump for the terrorist attack, then quickly back-peddled when Trump expressed outrage. Then, he flew down to Mar-a-Lago for a Trump photo-op. McCarthy is a coward. He doesn’t actually believe the election lie. He knows Trump lost and Biden won, but he’s too much of a coward to state the truth. He’ll repeat any Trump lie to regain the House. He is worst than your average everyday enabler. He’s a party to the party of lies.

The majority of the party believe Trump won and the election was stolen. They’re idiots.

For me, the Democratic Party is not the solution to everything. I am a liberal but not a partisan. There are plenty of problems with the Democrats and they will never have my loyalty. But the Republican Party has stopped being one that’s just opposite on the ideas, but they’ve become a cult.

The Republican Party would take the presidency, the House, and the Senate, and then stack the courts, despite the fact fewer Americans will vote for them. They don’t care how they get power, just so long as they get it. And they don’t just oppose civil rights, free speech, a free press, women’s rights, reproductive rights, and wanna fuck with elections. No. They have become a party obsessed with worshipping a racist reality TV show host with a dead bleached skunk on his head and who supports terrorists.

The Republican Party will never be a party we can take seriously until they stop being the party of cult worship. And the cult of personality they’re worshiping is a very stupid personality at that.

The people enabling a lying racist who tried to overturn an election through a bloody coup attempt are the ones who should be up against the wall, not the person telling the truth.

Creative note: I know! It was Flavor-Aid. Every time I draw a Kool-Aid cartoon, someone wants to show off their big brain and inform all of us it was Flavor-Aid used in the mass suicide of Jim Jones’ cult. Actually, I have read it was both….but anyway, “Flavor-Aid” does not work for the cartoon. Informing me it was Flavor-Aid is almost as annoying as complaining about the ads on this site. If I see an ad for Flavor-Aid, I’m gonna lose it.

Also, I stared at this idea for about an hour this morning until I gave up on waiting for a better idea. Walking back from the clinic, I got an idea I like a lot better. I’m really kicking myself for not doing that one even though this cartoon has over 300 shares on Facebook.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Hater Caucus


Cjones04212021

Can Republicans take one day off from being racist? Just one? Maybe go outside, take a walk, sniff some flowers, binge Netflix (not “World War II in Color.” It has a sad ending for you), go to Costo and see if bulk mayo and white Wonder Bread is on sale (is there wheat Wonder Bread? Now, you’re thinking about that), I don’t know. But, just take a day.

In Congress, there are caucuses. What’s a caucus? A caucus is a group of representatives with common interests. They are not official. Nobody is appointed. As a group, they don’t vote on legislation. A caucus does not have to be bipartisan as a caucus can be made up entirely from members of one political party. They don’t get office space, government funding, or even government stationary. They can not hire. The only way a caucus can use congressional staffers is in pursuit of legislation, which is what a representative does anyway.

A caucus is basically a club. On the Fredericksburg bar scene, a beard club formed. Basically, it was a bunch of guys who all felt accomplished because they had the ability to grow a beard. That was their common interest. Tragically, there are congressional caucuses more ridiculous. There is an algae caucus. A lot of the caucuses have fewer members than the beard club.

Some of the caucuses currently in play are the Congressional Black Caucus, Hispanic Caucus, Asian Pacific American Caucus, and LGBTQ Caucus. There is a Jewish-Latino caucus. They’re not all on race. Many are bipartisan, like the caucuses on bicycles and minor league baseball. And there are others that focus on issues and ideology, like the Blue Collar Caucus which is pro labor. The Blue Dog Caucus is for conservative Democrats and the New Democrats is for centrists as is the Republican Main Street Caucus. There is a Progressive Caucus and there is a Libertarian Caucus. There is the Congressional Asshole Caucus that consists of Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Tom Cotton (I made that up but it should be a thing).

There is also a Freedom Caucus which sounds nice until you realize it’s a caucus for the Tea Party. When people like Tea Party fuckers talk “freedom,” they actually mean denying freedom to other races and people who disagree with them. It’s like joining a book club when you have zero intentions of ever reading a book and you’re just there for the cake, coffee, and gossip. In the Freedom Caucus, all their members are there for the hate.

You are probably thinking the Tea Party group is one for all the angry racists in Congress, right? You are right. The Tea Party claimed it was created in opposition to government spending, but it wasn’t created while George W. Bush was paying for two wars with tax cuts. No, it was created between Barack Obama’s election and his inauguration. It was a response to the nation electing a president who wasn’t white. It was really an anti-black-president party. But for people like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz, the Tea Party isn’t racist enough. It’s like going to a Klan meeting and saying, “Have you guys tried hating harder?” That’s how the Oath Keepers and Proud Boys were created.

Representative, bully of children, and conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene floated the idea of creating a new racist congressional caucus. At the very least, maybe this new group’s name won’t be as easily mocked for their name as the Tea Party, whose members are often called “tea baggers,” which is probably something else on Matt Gaetz’s phone.

Punchbowl News (a news outlet I just found out about), published a document being circulated by MTG that wasn’t supposed to be discovered outside her racist circle. The document was outlining goals for a new America First Caucus, which would be made from hard-right-wing members. It’s a caucus that would promote Trump’s agenda of America First, be anti-brown and shithole-country immigration, anti-welfare, and push lies like illegal immigrants voting while being on welfare, and that Donald Trump won the 2020 election only to have it stolen from him.

Greene says the document was a “staff level draft proposal from an outside group.” I don’t know what that is. What the hell is “staff level” from an outside group? And if it’s from an outside group, who is that outside group? She claimed she hadn’t even read it which is believable. She probably had it read to her.

Greene said the media was “taking something out of context,” but she didn’t deny she was forming a new caucus. She didn’t mention any parts of the document or the report that wasn’t true. Then she tweeted that Trump’s nationalism and “America First policies will save this country for all of us, our children, and ultimately the world.” They’ll probably save us from Jewish Space Lasers and child-sex-trafficked pizza made by reptilian deep-state devil worshippers. If anything, there should be a space laser saving us from pineapples being placed on our pizzas. Can we get a congressional caucus for that? How about a pro-black olives on pizza caucus? Black olives always make pizza better.

As Greene was avoiding admitting the caucus was a thing, Matt Gaetz said he was signing up and that the caucus will “end wars, stop illegal immigration & promote trade that is fair to American workers.” Other hard-right GOP fucknuts rumored to be joining are Arizona’s Paul Gosar and Alabama’s Barry Moore. Hopefully, membership doesn’t mean you’ll receive mistakenly-sent texts of Matt Gaetz’s dingdong. That’ll make you hate harder…or softer.

On immigration, the secret document describes the United States as a place with “uniquely Anglo-Saxon political traditions” and argues “societal trust and political unity are threatened when foreign citizens are imported en-masse into a country, particularly without institutional support for assimilation and an expansive welfare state to bail them out should they fail to contribute positively to the country.” Basically, that’s a lot of winking and nudging about the caucus being pro-white and anti non-white.

When people are promoting Anglo-Saxon “traditions,” “culture,” and “nativism,” they’re echoing the Ku Klux Klan. It sounds like some shit Tucker Carlson would promote and he probably will on tonight’s show.

And if you don’t think the document was sending out dog whistles, then don’t believe me. Believe House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy of all people. Without mentioning the specific caucus, he replied to the news by saying, “America is built on the idea that we are all created equal and success is earned through honest, hard work. It isn’t built on identity, race, or religion. The Republican Party is the party of Lincoln & the party of more opportunity for all Americans — not nativist dog whistles.” This is the same guy who flew to Mar-a-Lago so he could tweet a photo of him standing next to the king of racist dog whistles.

Liz Cheney responded to the news by saying, “Republicans believe in equal opportunity, freedom, and justice for all. We teach our children the values of tolerance, decency and moral courage. Racism, nativism, and anti-Semitism are evil. History teaches we all have an obligation to confront & reject such malicious hate.”

Normally, Republicans are much more subtle with the winking and nudging. When someone sends out dog whistles, GOP leadership is usually quiet. Unfortunately for them, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Matt Gaetz are not quiet. Gaetz can’t even keep quiet about the naked girls on his phone. The truth is, the document is pushing an agenda most of the Republican Party supports. They’re just not supposed to say it out loud. Sheesh!

Remember when news came out about Donald Trump’s “shithole countries” comment? There were Republicans in the room and not one of them condemned him for it while also not denying he made the comments about brown people coming here after living in grass huts and why we couldn’t get more immigrants from a white country like Norway.

Republican representative Adam Kinzinger said anyone who joins this new racist Anglo-Saxon America First nativist caucus should have all their committee assignments stripped from them. But that’s already happened to Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Matt Gaetz is already useless and doesn’t draft legislation, so it’s not like they’ll care. If nothing else, it’ll give them more fodder to scream about their “Mein Kampfs.”

Here’s a free tip to members of Congress: Any club that has Marjorie Taylor Green and Matt Gaetz as members is NOT a club you want to join. And usually, any Matt Gaetz club will require that you wear a toga.

Creative note: In the first sketch of this cartoon, I had Gaetz’s hair the way it is here, and that’s how one of my proofers, Laura, saw it. She loved it and told me it was in line with the klansmen’s hoods. But, I had already made it look more like a yard gnome by that point. So, I went back and made it more pointy. So, hat tip to Laura. It’s already receiving comments. Laura, you were right.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Giggity Island


Cjones04122021

Congressman Matt Gaetz spoke at an event Friday night in Florida where he attacked the “lying media,” and “decried” the smears against him, the “wild conspiracy theories,” and “distortions” of his personal life. He continued to claim these investigations are from an extortion attempt against him from a Justice Department official who hasn’t worked there in over 25 years.

What wasn’t weird about this is that Gaetz gave his little pity-party speech at a Trump resort (when they do this, they basically give Donald Trump money). What is weird is this was an event by a women’s group. OK, a Women for Trump group…but still.

Matt Gaetz is being looked at by the Justice Department over accusations he slept with a minor and flew her across state lines and put her up in hotel rooms just for that purpose. He’s also accused of paying other women for sex. Matt Gaetz’s defense, other than someone’s blackmailing him, is that he hasn’t slept with a minor since he was a minor and he’s never paid for sex. His proof he’s never paid for sex is his face…which looks like the result of an ugly Kennedy banging an ugly Matt Damon in the backseat of an ugly car that was parked in an ugly tree from where Gaetz fell out of hitting every ugly branch on the way down.

Now, there’s a new investigation into Gaetz shenanigans. This one is by the House Ethics Committee which already knows Matt Gaetz doesn’t have any ethics. This is serious stuff. His buddy and lounge-lizard wingman, Joel Greenberg, is flipping on Gaetz and the Justice Department is interested in making a deal.

The Justice Department may want Gaetz more than Greenberg. But the only way they’ll cut a deal with Gaetz’s buddy is if crimes committed against Gaetz are worse than the ones Greenburg committed, who is facing over 30 charges that include sex trafficking, and if Greenberg has evidence. When a deal is made with prosecutors, you have to tell and give them everything before a deal is made. There has to be evidence.

The Daily Beast found evidence. There are track records of Gaetz sending Venmo payments to Greenberg, who then sent the payments to women. There are more documents similar to these Venmo payments currently being validated by the Beast and other media outlets before they will be published. If these payments connect Gaetz to paying for sex, or sex with a minor, or sex trafficking, in legal terms, he’s fucked. If he goes to prison, it’s a good think he likes fucking.

Gaetz says he’s innocent. He also spent a chunk of his Friday night speech claiming Donald Trump won the election and it was stolen from him. I don’t need to see a Venmo payment to know Matt Gaetz is a liar.

Matt Gaetz has spent his entire time as a Congressman, and his entire life before that, being a sleazy cheap piece of crap. He helped Trump spread lies. He threatened people testifying against Trump. He mocked the coronavirus by wearing a gas mask on the floor of the House. He flew to a Republican colleague’s district to campaign against her because she voted to impeach Trump. Reportedly, he shared nude photos of women he supposedly slept with to colleagues on the House floor. And according to some Trump White House staffers, Gaetz asked for a blanket pardon for himself.

Donald Trump released a statement saying Gaetz never asked him for a pardon. That could mean Gaetz didn’t ask him…directly, but asked staffers. Trump also said to remember that Gaetz has denied the accusations, which is a pattern for Trump. He believes a denial is proof of innocence…or some sort of get-of-sex-crime-jail-free card. He told us Alabama judge and Senate candidate, Roy Moore, denied the accusations he was a mall-food-court predator. He said that about himself from charges of unwanted kissing, groping, and even rape.

But that’s as far as Donald Trump went to defend Gaetz. Gaetz spent the past four years being a Trump sycophant and this is the loyalty that buys you. Donald Trump didn’t appear with Gaetz at Friday’s event, even though it was at a Trump resort. Donald Trump is being advised to avoid Matt Gaetz which is the same advice that should be given to underage girls.

Only two Republican members of congress have supported Gaetz over the past ten days and said he’s innocent. They are Jim Jordan, who is a Trump sycophant and has a history of looking the other way when people commit sex crimes, and Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is a lunatic but still scrubbed her Twitter feed of photos of her with Gaetz. Not one other Republican will defend Gaetz…not even anonymously.

I predict Matt Gaetz will eventually flee the country to a nation that doesn’t extradite. Maybe to an island nation as he’s already on an island all by himself. It may be an island of no return.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trump Booty Club


Cjones04092021

We have more developments in the Matt Gaetz sex-trafficking story. Are you really surprised?

As you know, Matt “Giggity” Gaetz isn’t just a Republican moron occupying a seat in Congress. He’s not just your typical douchey frat-boy sleazebag. He’s a huge Trump sycophant. The only time the word “dignity” and Matt Gaetz have been in a sentence together is this one.

Matt Gaetz defended Trump during the Mueller investigation. He defended Trump during both of his impeachments. He wore a gas mask on the floor of the House after Trump mocked the coronavirus. He flew to Wyoming to campaign against fellow Republican Liz Cheney after she voted to impeach Trump. He even nominated Donald Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If you ever want to not win a Nobel Peace Prize, make sure your nomination is from Matt Gaetz.

Gaetz also kissed Trump’s ass when it came to pardons. He publicly encouraged Trump to pardon his goons like Roger Stone. He said Trump should pardon that Tiger guy, Joe Exotica. He even encouraged Trump to pardon himself. He said those pardons would save them from the “bloodlust” of their political opponents. Now, we’re discovering he privately asked Trump to give him a pre-emptive pardon.

The Justice Department is conducting an “inquiry” into whether or not Matt Gaetz was boinking a 17-year-old, engaging in sex trafficking, and paying for sex. Matt Gaetz has publicly denied ever having sex with a 17-year-old since he was 17, or ever having to pay for sex. But if you have to publicly deny ever paying for sex, you probably paid for sex. And, there are other means of paying for sex than cash transactions. You can trade sex for drugs. It can work like trading a Nobel nomination for a presidential pardon.

It’s not clear if Matt Gaetz knew the Justice Department was eyeballing him when he made the request for a pardon, but why would anyone ask for a pardon? Usually, you ask because you’re under investigation, have been found guilty, or you know you’re guilty. If Matt Gaetz was unaware he was being investigated, then he was asking for a pardon because he knew he doing some corrupt shady shit. When asked what he needed the pardon for, is that where he uses “Yadda, yadda, yadda”?

You know, there was this girl, a state line, some ecstasy, yadda, yadda, yadda, giggity, giggity.

He also asked for pre-emptive pardons for several congressional allies. Golly, I wonder who they might be and why they would need pardons.

A spokesgoon for Matt Gaetz released a statement saying, “Giggity,” I mean, “Entry-level political operatives have conflated a pardon call from Representative Gaetz — where he called for President Trump to pardon ‘everyone from himself, to his administration, to Joe Exotic’ — with these false and increasingly bizarre, partisan allegations against him. Those comments have been on the record for some time, and President Trump even retweeted the congressman, who tweeted them out himself.”

Donald Trump once thanked Gaetz for defending him in a tweet, and for intimidating witnesses on his behalf and said he is a “great talent, young, handsome,” and predicted Gaetz was “going places,” which will probably be prison.

But the thing is, Mr. Spokesgoon, according to The New York Times, four White House officials, and others briefed on the matter, have validated that Matt Gaetz sought a pardon for himself. Matt Gaetz hasn’t denied it yet and if he does, it’ll be as believable as his denial he’s never paid for sex. And from Matt Gaetz’s face, which has Butt-Head looking for a new look, I’d say he’s probably had to pay some blind prostitutes for sex.

A buddy of Matt Gaetz, a Florida tax collector, has been indicted on a bunch of charges, including sex trafficking of a minor. The Justice Department continues to add charges to this goon and many are predicting he’ll sell Gaetz out for time off his sentence. Two of Gaetz’s Florida connections have told The Washington Post that Gaetz bragged to them that he met women through this tax collector. Can you deduct ecstasy?

How hard of a decision is it to send Matt Gaetz to prison so you don’t go? The good news here for Gaetz is: If he goes to prison, he won’t have to pay for sex…though he may be the currency.

Matt Gaetz is a sleaze. We know this. While he was in the Florida legislature, Matt Gaetz was just one of two members of the state house to vote against a porn-revenge bill. The bill aimed at preventing people from sharing sexually explicit photos of their ex-partners online. According to Tom Goodson, a retired Florida legislator, Gaetz believes any sexually explicit photo a lover may give him is his to do with as he pleases. Goodson said from a conversation he had with Gaetz, “He thought that any picture was his to use as he wanted to, as an expression of his rights.”

You gotta fight…for your rights…to share naked photos of your ex girlfriends with other Republican goons.

That probably explains why Matt Gaetz, according to some members of his own party, was showing off naked photos on the House floor of women he claims to have slept with. What’s he going to do next on the House floor, throw a kegger?

Right now, I would like to offer my sympathy to any woman who has ever slept with Matt Gaetz. If you shagged with Gaetz, I am so sorry. We all have regrets. Once, I mistakenly asked for sushi in a hand roll, which is when it’s shaped like a sushi ice cream cone. Never again. Probably not the same thing as sleeping with Gaetz though.

There should be laws against showing off naked photos of women without their permission. Even if it’s not illegal, it’s a sleazy thing to do. Matt Gaetz is a sleaze. He is another reminder of what the Republican Party under Donald Trump has become.

Can we just stop electing people who support pedophiles, terrorists, racists, perverts, Putin, and frat-boy goons like Matt Giggity Gaetz?

No matter what these women are doing in these photos, they have yet to debase themselves to the point that Gaetz, as a Trump sycophant, has debased himself. Matt Gaetz was a sleazy dirtbag and a public humiliation long before the Justice Department started investigating him.

Creative note: I used Quagmire in a cartoon on Matt Gaetz last Saturday…and later that evening, Saturday Night Live used it too. Just for the record, I was first. Giggity.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Giggity Gaetz


Cjones04042021

Three things I have never liked much are clubs, DJs, and frat boys.

The first thing I did when I was newly single after my marriage was check out clubs with some new single friends. I hated it. Sure, I spent a lot of years single and going out for cocktails with friends. But a lot of that was part of the music scene I was in and in dive bars. Dive bars are different than clubs. Clubs are usually flashier with strobe lights and techno music playing, have a polo-shirt dress code, and a ridiculous cover guys are willing to pay to meet girls who are usually let in for free. Dive bars are usually falling apart, have regulars, a jukebox and TV, you know the bartender and he knows you, there is not a dress code, and NEVER a cover.

Clubs have overpriced drinks with the business strategy that you purchase these oversized drink for women you just met. In clubs, the women tend to run in packs and often if you want to buy one a shot, then you gotta buy all the friends a shot. In dive bars, they have PBR. You can purchase an expensive drink at a dive bar but you normally don’t go there for that.

In clubs, people tend to get dumber. In dive bars, you encounter more sarcasm. In clubs, you find frat boys. In dive bars, frat boys are barely tolerated. In dive bars, you can find ethnic diversity, liberals, rednecks, people who are straight, people who are gay, and drag queens. People go to clubs to pick up other people for sex. Sure, in a dive bar, you can take home some strange, but it’s usually happenstance.

Clubs also have DJs. I hate DJs. I hate going to a place to pay a cover to watch some tasteless asshole spin his record collection. Fuck that guy and fuck that club. A lot of DJs also think they are musicians. They are not. You are not a musician because you are spinning other people’s music…even if you get credit for the song selection. At best, you’re a shitty producer or engineer. DJs have Denning-Kruger syndrome when it comes to taste. They don’t have taste but they think they do.

Then there are frat boys. If you are a member of a fraternity, that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. Being a member of a fraternity doesn’t make you a frat boy. The frat boy is the guy who’s a date-raping, entitled trust-fund baby, always hitting on women, disrespecting them as if they’re part of his property, runs in a pack of assholes, showered in Axe body spray that has a scent called “Misty Green Monster Voodoo” or some shit, and while he’ll buy a $12 shot to pick up a hottie, the beer in his keg is Miller High Life because he doesn’t care about the quality when it could land in either his belly or be boofed up his ass. Seriously.

Do you know where to find frat boys (other than frats)? At clubs where DJs are playing.

Every time I see Matt Gaetz, I see an entitled trust-fund baby frat boy. We always knew he was a d-bag, but this investigation into him and sex trafficking is proving he’s a bigger bag-of-dicks than we were aware of. How is that even possible?

The Justice Department is looking into whether Gaetz didn’t just pay for an underage teenage girl to fly across state lines to have sex with him, but if he was paying other women for sex. They’re looking to see if he paid women in cash and drugs. And according to people who work in the U.S. Capitol, Gaetz is really fond of showing nude photos of women he slept with to fellow congressmen on the floor of the House.

Whoever told the press about the nude photos was not a Democrat. One of the people who leaked it is a supposed friend of Gaetz. The first question I had when I heard of Matt Gaetz sharing nude photos was: Has Brett Kavanaugh seen them?

Of course, the Supreme Court Justice doesn’t have anything to do with this case, but when I think of asshole frat boys boofing beer up their assholes, I think of Matt Gaetz and Brett Kavanaugh. While both of these guys are disrespectful to women, the one difference between them is that Gaetz may not last the week, and we’re stuck with Kavanaugh for the next 30 years.

In regards to Gaetz sharing nude photos: It’s very inappropriate. For one thing, he’s doing it on the floor of the House. Now, I know Republicans don’t respect the Capitol as they’re willing to back a white supremacist terrorist attack on it. But how about exhibiting just a little dignity on the floor, hmm? Also, most guys don’t want to see the nude photos on your phone of women you slept with. I don’t even wanna know you have them.

Also, carrying nude photos around on your phone, that’s just creepy. And if you have received nude photos from a woman or she allowed you to take them, that does NOT give you the right to share them with your buddies. I guarantee the photos Gaetz has were given to him with the intention they were for his eyes only. To share them is disrespecting the person who gave them to you and it doesn’t make you look cool.

Also, when a woman gives you photos, they don’t belong to you. If she ever requests that you delete them, you delete them. They’re not your photos. But if you send them to someone like Matt Gaetz, they’ll become everyone’s photo.

There’s an old-antiquated idea that when we vote, we choose from amongst the best of us. Now, it’s like the entire Republican Party is racing to the bottom. It’s like they’re trying to out vile each other. They went from being the party of family values and patriotism to the party of “grab them by the pussy” and pro-Putin. They laugh at children being ripped from their families in order to “own the libs.” Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Boebert, Jim Jordan, Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, and Matt Gaetz are not the best of us.

Quite frankly, I’d rather vote for Quagmire.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FOUR copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

GaetzGate


Cjones04032021

How did the Republican Party come to this? How did the party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Ike, and Reagan become the party that defends terrorists and pedophiles? OK. “Accused” pedophiles.

In 2017, the Republican Party made Roy Moore their nominee for Jeff Session’s vacated Alabama Senate seat after several allegations were made that he was into surfing food courts in malls to pick up teenage girls. Now, the party with a huge faction that believes Hillary Clinton was operating a child-sex trafficking ring in a Washington, D.C. pizza joint has to decide if it wants to defend Congressman Matt Gaetz from accusations of…wait for it…sex trafficking. Funny enough, Gaetz once floated the idea of himself running for that Alabama Senate seat…thinking his district bordering Alabama makes him eligible. To be fair, a lot of people do believe the Florida panhandle to be an extension of Alabama.

So, what exactly is sex trafficking? In this case, it’s when a minor is transported for the purpose of sex. Say you live in Florida, and you pay to fly a minor in from Arizona to shag, that’s sex trafficking. Remember, these are only accusations so far in regard to Matt Gaetz, who has been accused of traveling with a 17-year-old girl across state lines and then having sex with her.

The New York Times broke the news Gaetz has also been accused of being one of the dumbest most do-nothing useless members of Congress in decades. These accusations are accurate. Gaetz has a history of everything coming from his mouth being a shitshow. He’s also been accused of being a ridiculous human being.

Gaetz recently flew to Wyoming (no word on if he took any 17-year-olds on that trip) to campaign against fellow Republican Liz Cheney because she exercised her conscience and independence and voted to impeach Donald Trump. Now maybe Liz Cheney should fly to Gaetz’s district and campaign against him. The only downside to that is that she would have to physically be in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle district. We could call it “Floribama,” or “Alaflora,” or “Aladuh,” or “Floppitbappity.” I’ll work on it.

Last year in the early stages of the coronavirus pandemic, he mocked the seriousness of the health concern by wearing a gas mask on the floor of the House. Later that week, one of the first people to die from the virus in this nation was in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle congressional district. “Flababama!” No?

Gaetz is a Trump sycophant. He supported the pardon of Roger Stone. He claimed Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s act of tearing up Trump’s State of the Union speech in 2020 was illegal. He tried to decertify the election Trump lost, helped Trump claim it was stolen from him, and supported the insurrection. Later, he voted against a measure condemning the coup in Myanmar, probably because he’s a big fan of coups. He’s also a big fan of conspiracy theories and uses the term “deep state” a lot. For example: “The deep state has accused me of rawdogging teenagers!”

A political ally of Gaetz was indicted on charges related to sex trafficking and that’s where this current investigation comes from. Someone may have thrown Gaetz under the bus. And from reading about how much people really dislike Matt Gaetz, that’s probably true. Gaetz claims it’s part of an extortion plot and the entire thing is politically motivated because nobody likes him. That is true. Nobody likes him. Gaetz brags that he doesn’t have a lot of friends in Washington and is proud that most of his true friends are in the Florida panhandle. “Bamafamu?”

This investigation was started last year in the final months of the Trump occupation of our government. William Barr was the Attorney General, who has to approve and be briefed on all investigations on members of Congress. This is not an attack by liberals or Democrats.

Gaetz says he’s being blackmailed by David McGee, a former official of the Justice Department. Gaetz claims McGee is blackmailing his father for $25 million to make sex-trafficking allegations go away. The problem here is, McGee has not been a member of the Justice Department in over two decades AND (this part is important) the inquiry into the sex-trafficking charges was BEFORE there was any so-called extortion attempts. There’s also the problem of: how do you blackmail Matt Gaetz by threatening you’ll make people think worse of him?

Gaetz claims the FBI was so concerned with this extortion attempt, that they had his father wear a wire which is a process that probably doesn’t work when the wire-wearer’s idiot son goes to the media and says his father’s wearing a wire.

While Gaetz is defending himself from these charges of sex with a minor, keep in mind he’s been living with an un-adopted male immigrant named Nestor since Nestor was 12 years old. Gaetz has referred to Nestor as his son, his helper, and a “local student.” Is Florida the only place where an unmarried grown man can live with an un-adopted 12-year-old?

While Gaetz has denied having sex with a 17-year-old, at least not since he was 17 (he said this), he openly brags about dating younger women and freely admits he’s paid for their flights and hotels to be with him.

According to The Daily Beast, Republicans don’t like him and there’s an informal rule not to appear on TV with him at any time for any reason. Why is this? Because Republicans who know Gaetz expect an incoming scandal with the dude at any time.

Again, according to the Beast, more than a half-dozen lawmakers have spoken to reporters about “his love of alcohol and illegal drugs, as well as his proclivity for younger women.” The article states, “It’s well-known among Republican lawmakers that Gaetz was dating a college student—one over the age of consent—in 2018. She came to Washington as an intern.”

A GOP staffer from Capitol Hill said, “I don’t think you’ll find a lot of people who are desperate to keep him involved in Republican politics.” One of those Republicans sent The Daily Beast a photo of a trash bin outside Gaetz’s office as lawmakers cleared out their offices at the end of a recent session. At the top of the heap was an empty “Costco-size” box of “Bareskin” Trojan condoms, extra small. Whoever gets that office after Gaetz may want to decontaminate it with a flamethrower. As Star-Lord in “Guardians of the Galaxy” would say, “If I had a black light, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

In fact, only two Republican members of the House have publicly defended Gaetz so far. They are Jim Jordan, who’s another Trump sycophant and has been accused of being aware of sexual abuse among coaches and wrestlers when he was a coach at Ohio State University, and Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Qanon fucknut who is currently barred from any committee assignments. That’s not good company. Gaetz, like Jordan, Greene, and Lauren Boebert, don’t do any actual work as United States Representatives and only use their offices for higher profiles.

Even Tucker Carlson tried to distance himself from Matt Gaetz after giving him a platform to explain himself.

Matt Gaetz appeared on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” with a hair style that now has yard gnomes searching for a new look. Tucker’s show is one his own lawyers successfully argued in court can’t be believed by anyone “reasonable.” But still, more credible than Newsmax, where it’s been reported Gaetz has a job waiting if he chooses to leave Congress. That would be awesome for all of us because nobody watches Newsmax.

During the interview, Gaetz claimed innocence and said Tucker could appreciate his situation saying he was “not the only person on screen right now who’s been falsely accused of a terrible sex act.” Thanks to Matt Gaetz, Tucker had to go back over two decades to explain something he’s spent two decades trying to make fade away from everyone’s memories. Thanks a lot, buddy. Why didn’t Matt just claim all those extra-small “Bareskin” Trojans belonged to Tucker?

Then, Gaetz attempted to not just rope Tucker into his shit, but to make make him a witness. He said a female friend of his was threatened by the FBI and told “she could face trouble” if she didn’t confess to authorities that Gaetz was involved in a “pay-for-play scheme,” and that Tucker had met her. Gaetz said, “You and I went to dinner about two years ago. Your wife was there, and I brought a friend of mine, you’ll remember her.”

This is why you don’t go to dinner with Matt Gaetz. Or, at least one more reason.

Tucker quickly said that not only does he not remember this woman, but he doesn’t even remember the dinner. Thanks to Matt, Tucker’s next guests may be the FBI with subpoenas. After the interview, Tucker said, “That was one of the weirdest interviews I’ve ever conducted” and that it “didn’t clarify much.” Next time, interview a yard gnome. They don’t implicate you in sex-trafficking scandals.

According to some people at Fox News, Tucker was “pissed.”

Matt Gaetz has not been charged and is innocent until proven guilty. But Gaetz’s allegations of extortion could be true while the accusations of sex trafficking could also be true. One does not cancel out the other. Matt Gaetz, being a Republican and a Trump supporter, is probably not aware of that. This is a guy who believes if he screams “deep state” enough, it’ll make all the accusations disappear.

There are so many questions here. How bad are you when other Republicans don’t want anything to do with you? How horrible are you that even Tucker wants distance? How bad are you if your only true support is Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene? Is he guilty? Was there extortion? What does Nestor think of this? How small were those condoms? Where does one purchase a black light?

Also, in case you’ve never seen one, do NOT Google Jackson Pollock paintings.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trump Toast


Cjones04022021

On a recent night at Mar-a-Lago, the guy who used to occupy the White House raised a glass of champagne and toasted himself.

He praised his policies on China with whom he started an unwinnable trade war. He praised himself on how he dealt with Iran which was to remove the U.S out of a treaty preventing that nation from obtaining a nuclear weapon…thus pushing them closer to having nuclear weapons. He praised himself for how he treated immigrants by ripping families apart, throwing children into jails, and losing track of their parents. He praised himself for winning an election he did not win. At some point, he realized he was at a wedding and he got around to praising the couple.

Trump railed, “Y’know, I just got, I turned off the news, I get all these flash reports, and they’re telling me about the border, they’re telling me about China, they’re telling me about Iran – how’re we doing with Iran, how do you like that?”

Donald Trump was in a tuxedo which now has penguins searching for a new look. But he continued ranting. He said, “Boy, they were ready to make a deal, they would have done anything, they would have done anything, and this guy goes and drops the sanctions and then he says, ‘We’d love to negotiate now,’ and Iran replies, ‘We’re not dealing with the United States at all,’ Oh, well, they don’t want to deal with us.”

At some point, I think he forgot that he was giving a toast at a wedding or even speaking in front of other people as it seemed he was talking to himself. But he continued.

“And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right?”

Quick. Someone get the cake. Distract him with cake. What? He’s not done? Oh, god.

“You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim – he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me.” Was there even a Jim at the wedding or did he just glue little googly eyes on his hand again and pretend it’s talking to him?

Finally…he got around to mentioning the bride and….NOPE. “What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shots, and they call ’em shots, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster.”

Mr. President (sic), would you like to say a few words? No, I’d like to say a lot of words.

He continued. “It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything.”

It continued. “So it’s a rough thing, and I just say, ‘Do you miss me yet?'” No. We don’t miss you and we’re not going to. But then again, we did say the same thing about George W. Bush and…no, nope, no no no…we’re never going to miss your stupid rancid Cheeto-covered ass, you orange shitgibbon from Oompa-Loopma Land.

After warming up, he got started and went into the election he lost and said, “We did get 75 million votes. Nobody’s ever gotten that,” Trump said. “They said, ‘Get 66m votes, sir, and the election’s over.’ We got 75 million and they said … but you know, you saw what happened, 10.30 in the evening, all of a sudden I said, ‘That’s a strange thing, why are they closing up certain places, right?'”

Next time someone pushes the Russian talking points and claims President Joe Biden has dementia (Ted Rall), force them to watch the Trump toast.

Finally…he was done and wrapped it up with a nod to himself and the happy couple, whatever their names are. “Now, a lot of things happening right now. I just wanted to say, it’s an honor to be here, it’s an honor to have you at Mar-a-Lago, you are a great and beautiful couple … have fun.”

Throughout all this, the band was waiting for him to wrap it up so they can play that song from Dirty Dancing. If you’ve had the time of your life with Donald Trump, then you might be a racist.

So, he’s asked to give a toast, he spends the entirety of it on himself in what would seem like a drunken rant if he drank, and at the end, he can’t even mention the couple’s names. Was his daughter Tiffany the bride?

Donald Trump shouldn’t be enjoying freedom and giving wedding toasts. This man attempted to steal an election. He told officials in Georgia to “find votes” so they could overturn the presidential election in that state. There is no telling what he said to other state officials who visited the White House or where phone calls weren’t recorded. After committing election fraud, he sent terrorists to the United States Capitol to overturn the election in a violent coup attempt. He sent MAGA goons and other assorted white supremacists to stop Congress from doing its Constitutional duty. He succeeded for a few hours.

The only place Donald Trump should be toasting weddings is in prison. He shouldn’t be toasting and giving rants at Mar-a-Lago. He shouldn’t be calling in to Fox News to continue spreading debunked conspiracy theories. He shouldn’t be free to enable more white nationalist terrorists. He shouldn’t be at some gold-plated desk working on his bullshit memoirs. He shouldn’t be working on deals to create a new social media network for Nazis. He shouldn’t be on the golf course continuing to bilk taxpayers for Secret Service protection. He should be in prison.

Georgia is investigating Donald Trump’s election interference. The District of Columbia may start an investigation into his rallying terrorists to attack the United States government. The Justice Department should be opening a LOT of investigations into Donald Trump’s illegal activity throughout his time occupying the White House.

And maybe afterward, Donald Trump and Matt Gaetz can share a toilet of wine together. Donald Trump shouldn’t be giving a toast. He should be toast.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Matt Gaetz Shows His Respect


cjones03132020

If “if you like your doctor then you can keep your doctor” is a lie, then so is, “anybody who needs a test gets a test.” And it’s actually a more dangerous lie.

Donald Trump doesn’t know how to respond to what is now being described as an international pandemic, so he lies and gives misinformation about it. He says he’s the best to deal with it because his uncle was a “super genius” at MIT. Donald Trump couldn’t spell “MIT” if you spotted him the “M” and the “I.” He was at the CDC, Center for Disease Control, where the scientists asked him how he knew so much about the coronavirus which he either made up or they did so mockingly. It’d be like asking someone who kicks tires how they know so much about automobiles. Donald Trump couldn’t spell “CDC” if you spotted him the “C” and the “D.”

On top of all this, members of Trump’s administration and government workers who aren’t political, are being told not to cross the president (sic). People are being told not to do their jobs if it compromises Donald Trump’s ego.

And then, Donald Trump went to Mar-a-Lago to play golf.

So, is it any surprise the markets are collapsing?

Italy’s government is advising its citizens to keep a distance of three feet from each other. That’s good advice here in the United States. When you encounter a Republican, keep at least three feet away (though I’d advise much farther, like another state).

The Conservative Political Action Convention (CPAC) was last week which featured such high profile individuals as the anti-Greta and Ted Cruz. You can’t have an asshole convention without Ted Cruz.

Now, Cruz and Republican congressman Paul Glosar are self-quarantining after encountering an individual at CPAC who has tested positive for the coronavirus. I guess karma does exist. Who knew there’d be new reasons to avoid Ted Cruz? If this was a zombie outbreak, all of our political leaders would have been bitten by now.

Now I have to ask, was Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz also at the convention?

Gaetz had to have been there because he’s an asshole. What kind of asshole is he? During the vote to put over $8 billion into fighting the coronavirus, Gaetz wore a gas mask to mock the crisis. He eventually voted for the bill but expressed reluctance. Later, after catching grief for his frat boy antics on the floor of the House of Representatives, he tried to pretend he was serious and looking out for his safety. Now, a person from Gaetz’s Florida district has died from the coronavirus. Maybe Gaetz should attend the funeral wearing his little gas mask. He can talk to the victim’s family, while wearing the gas mask, and explain how serious he is.

I have a great idea. Let’s take all of these Republicans who attended the CPAC thingy and quarantine them…in the Trump Washington hotel.

In fact, let’s stick them in there and shut the hotel down until this pandemic passes. I’m sure Trump would take the monetary sacrifice for his nation and fellow Republicans. Right? Hello?

Now, remember, keep at least three feet away from all Republicans. For the love of God, do not shake their hands. Republican cooties are nasty. Additionally, it would be best if you don’t smell any of their bullshit either.

Republicans are contagious.

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