Matt Gaetz

Republican Herd


cjones10262019

When you can’t counter facts and evidence, what do you do? You scream as loud as you can about the process, create a giant scene of faux outrage, and state a massive hissy fit. That’s exactly what Matt Gaetz led House Republicans to do yesterday.

Though Gaetz didn’t stampede a herd of cattle through the private impeachment hearing, delaying a witness from the Pentagon from testifying for five hours, he did find a bunch of poo-flinging monkeys in the form of fellow Republicans.

Republicans are crying about the Democratic-led hearings being held in secret, but they don’t have a leg to stand on. They say it defies precedent as previous impeachment hearings were public. But those impeachments reached the House AFTER the investigative process. What’s going on now is the investigative process, much like the Republican investigations into Benghazi and Fast & Furious, which also started in secret. After the investigative process, there will be public hearings. After Trump is impeached, he’ll have a trial in the Senate where yes, he will have a defense team. Granted, a very stupid defense team, but a defense team nevertheless.

Why hold the investigations in secret? One reason is so witnesses can’t collaborate from watching each others’ testimonies. The other reason is so House members don’t turn the hearings into a circus. Proving this point, yesterday, Matt Gaetz and a bunch of Republican clowns crashed a committee hearing yesterday.

Another complaint is that Republicans can’t participate or ask questions in these hearings. False and false. Forty-eight Republicans are on the committees in these hearings and they can ask questions. Here’s a fun fact: At least 13 of the Republicans staging the party-crashing yesterday WERE INVITED TO ATTEND THE HEARINGS! They’re on those committees. It’s like crashing a party you’re invited to. If they really wanted to take part in these hearings, then why didn’t they attend and question the witnesses instead of crashing it with idiot Gaetz and holding a pizza party? Yeah, they had pizza.

Another fun fact: These hearings are being held in a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility, commonly known as a SCIF (in case you’re a Republican, that’s what we call an “acronym”). There are rules that cell phones are not allowed into these facilities. Yet, this will totally come as not a surprise to you, several of these stupid Republicans brought in their devices. Some even live-streamed and tweeted from inside the room. So much for Republicans caring about national security.

Even more fun facts: House leader Kevin McCarthy and Donald Trump knew beforehand this was going to happen, and they approved.

And yet, another fun fact: Gaetz and his staff handed out expired congressional passes to some uncredentialed reporters and the crew of HBO’s The Swamp, which is documenting Gaetz’s efforts to combat the hearings, which is a violation of House rules.

Matt Gaetz and his band of stupid brothers are fortunate they weren’t arrested, but many believe that’s what they wanted as it would have made a bigger scene.

Republicans are complaining about secret hearings over Trump corruption they believe should have remained a secret. When these hearings go public, they’ll do everything they can to suppress and shout down witnesses. If they think it’s bad now, wait. Their defense isn’t going to improve.

Expect more Republican stampedes in the future because all they have is bullshit.

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Whose Liar Is It Anyway?


cjones03052019

Democrats spent the majority of Michael Cohen’s testimony asking questions about Donald Trump. Republicans spent all of their time asking Michael Cohen questions about Michael Cohen.

Republicans, ranking member Jim Jordan in particular, pointed out that the first witness called for the first hearing in the Democrat-controlled 116th Congress is a man convicted of lying to Congress. Since Jordan is a Republican, his opening remarks and point was…wait for it…A LIE! This is actually the third hearing in the 116th Congress and since those hearings had witnesses, Cohen is not the first.

Each Republican on the House Oversight Committee used their time to attack Cohen as a liar and convicted perjurer. Nobody defended that, including Cohen because he’s a liar and convicted perjurer. Michael Cohen is going to prison for his lies. The Republicans even went as far as propping up a poster of Cohen’s face with the text, “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.” Seriously. Unfortunately for the Republican members on the committee, they forgot three things.

The Republicans forgot to defend Donald Trump. They forgot the man they’re protecting is a known pathological liar. Mostly, they forgot what Cohen was lying about and for when he committed perjury before Congress in his first hearing. Men who are destroying their credibility for Donald Trump were attacking the credibility of a man who destroyed his for Donald Trump.

Former New Jersey governor Chris Christie said on ABC that he can “guarantee” Trump is “sitting in Vietnam right now, fuming that no one’s defending him.” He also argued the performance was “either a failure of those Republicans on the Hill or a failure of the White House to have a unified strategy with them.” One senior House Republican who requested anonymity told The Washington Post, “The reason there was no defense is because there is no defense.”

Cohen is Trump’s former fixer, and it seemed like each Republican on the committee was angling to be his replacement.

One attempt to defend Trump was when Mark Meadows brought one of Trump’s few black friends to stand behind him as a prop as he challenged Cohen’s allegation that Trump is a racist. He literally played the black friend defense. Then, Meadows got upset when it was pointed out he used a black person as a prop, which in itself is racist. His defense of not being a racist was…wait for it…he has black friends.

Freshman Ayanna Pressley asked Cohen a question that was probably more for Meadows. The Democrat asked, “Would you agree that someone could deny rental units to African Americans, lead the birther movement, refer to the diaspora as ‘shithole countries,’ refer to white supremacists as ‘fine people,’ have a black friend, and still be racist?” That answer was “yes.”

Cohen alleged that Trump knew about the hacking of the Democratic National Committee before WikiLeaks had released the documents. He also claimed Trump reimbursed him for hush payments to women while he was president, and said Trump called him at one point to ensure he kept lying about those payments. He also produced the checks showing Trump had reimbursed him, which were made out, signed, and dated after Trump became President Trump. He even implicated Don Jr. and Ivanka in the Moscow Trump Tower project.

Cohen described Trump as a conman, a liar, and a racist. Stuff we already knew. He claimed Trump had him threaten people over 500 times, which is almost as many times as the committee Republicans said “liar, liar, pants on fire.”

Cohen, the liar, even defended Trump from a few rumors, such as having a love child, striking his wife, ordering Roger Stone to engage with Wikileaks, and the Russians possessing a tape that could be used as blackmail against Trump (you know, the pee tape). But then again, Cohen is a known liar and Republicans say we shouldn’t believe him.

Republicans still don’t get it. If there is a danger, you need to address it. Not hide and protect it. If the president of the United States has broken the law, cheated to win the election, obstructed justice, or sold his nation out to an adversarial nation for his financial interest, it’s in every American’s best interest to know the answers.

When the Republicans controlled the committees, they refused to ask questions or even call some witnesses in their campaign to defend Trump. Then-Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes used his position and hearings to gather intel to update the White House. They worked to protect those who may have betrayed the nation. They attacked law enforcement while defending a suspected Russian spy. This week, Republican Matt Gaetz tweeted a threat to Cohen the night before his testimony, which is a crime and a very Michael Cohen kind of thing to do, back when he was Trump’s fixer. Jim Jordan complained that there was even a hearing today, and these are the guys who created five different House committee investigations into Benghazi.

Republicans claim Michael Cohen is lying in his attacks against Trump. What Republicans are truly upset about is that Cohen has stopped lying for Trump.

It’s one thing for your crazy Republican uncle to refuse to defend America. It’s another for those elected and whose job it is to defend our country. Republicans have proven time and time again they’re more interested in being Trump sycophants, stooges, and cultists than defenders of our nation.

Republicans need to stop being Republicans for a minute and start being Americans.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Sticky Fingers


cjones07162018

Yesterday, the Justice Department announced that Special Counsel Robert Mueller has indicted 12 Russians for meddling in the 2016 presidential election in an effort to support the candidacy of Donald Trump. The indictments bring the Russia investigation closer to Trump, and unfortunately for him, the only ones standing in the way to obstruct the investigation are the conspiracy-driven lunatics at Fox News and the Republican imbeciles in Congress.

The House Judiciary Committee dragged FBI agent Peter Strzok before them for a theatrical hearing to make the case that the FBI is part of the “deep state” gunning to take down Trump. Their argument is based on text messages he sent to his lover that were critical of Trump, while he was a part of two separate investigations of both presidential candidates.

Strzok argued that having a political opinion does not make someone biased. Biased is when you allow your opinion to get in the way of your work, which Strzok did not do. The evidence to that is, the FBI never leaked that they were investigating a possible Trump/Russia connection during the campaign, yet agents leaked information and there were multiple press conferences about the Clinton investigation.

There is a difference between being biased and informed. It is difficult to find a highly skilled, experienced, and intelligent professional who doesn’t have a negative opinion about Donald Trump. Don’t most investigators have a negative opinion of their subjects as they gain more information?

Democratic Congressman Ted Lieu said at one point during the showcase, “This is a stupid and ridiculous hearing.” Now, after yesterday’s indictments, we know why at least one Republican is desperate to stop Mueller’s investigation.

The indictments informed us that one Congressional candidate asked Gucifer 2.0, the Russian hackers, for stolen documents from Democrats, and received it. The report didn’t state if this candidate is presently in Congress or even what party they are a member of, but it’s kinda far-fetched to believe it’s not a Republican. If Mueller knows about this exchange, then he also knows who the suspect is.

Now, we get to play the game of guessing which Kool-Aid drinking, cultish, treasonous, Putin’s puppet of a Republican goon is going to prison. My candidates are Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan (who has other issues to answer for), Trey Gowdy, Steve King, Darrell Issa, Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, and Bob Goodlatte. There are other contenders but this is my candy store. It’s really hard to pick just one sycophant.

If they all can’t go to prison, perhaps the voters can keep each of them from returning to Congress.

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