Matt Gaetz

Matt Gaetz Shows His Respect


cjones03132020

If “if you like your doctor then you can keep your doctor” is a lie, then so is, “anybody who needs a test gets a test.” And it’s actually a more dangerous lie.

Donald Trump doesn’t know how to respond to what is now being described as an international pandemic, so he lies and gives misinformation about it. He says he’s the best to deal with it because his uncle was a “super genius” at MIT. Donald Trump couldn’t spell “MIT” if you spotted him the “M” and the “I.” He was at the CDC, Center for Disease Control, where the scientists asked him how he knew so much about the coronavirus which he either made up or they did so mockingly. It’d be like asking someone who kicks tires how they know so much about automobiles. Donald Trump couldn’t spell “CDC” if you spotted him the “C” and the “D.”

On top of all this, members of Trump’s administration and government workers who aren’t political, are being told not to cross the president (sic). People are being told not to do their jobs if it compromises Donald Trump’s ego.

And then, Donald Trump went to Mar-a-Lago to play golf.

So, is it any surprise the markets are collapsing?

Italy’s government is advising its citizens to keep a distance of three feet from each other. That’s good advice here in the United States. When you encounter a Republican, keep at least three feet away (though I’d advise much farther, like another state).

The Conservative Political Action Convention (CPAC) was last week which featured such high profile individuals as the anti-Greta and Ted Cruz. You can’t have an asshole convention without Ted Cruz.

Now, Cruz and Republican congressman Paul Glosar are self-quarantining after encountering an individual at CPAC who has tested positive for the coronavirus. I guess karma does exist. Who knew there’d be new reasons to avoid Ted Cruz? If this was a zombie outbreak, all of our political leaders would have been bitten by now.

Now I have to ask, was Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz also at the convention?

Gaetz had to have been there because he’s an asshole. What kind of asshole is he? During the vote to put over $8 billion into fighting the coronavirus, Gaetz wore a gas mask to mock the crisis. He eventually voted for the bill but expressed reluctance. Later, after catching grief for his frat boy antics on the floor of the House of Representatives, he tried to pretend he was serious and looking out for his safety. Now, a person from Gaetz’s Florida district has died from the coronavirus. Maybe Gaetz should attend the funeral wearing his little gas mask. He can talk to the victim’s family, while wearing the gas mask, and explain how serious he is.

I have a great idea. Let’s take all of these Republicans who attended the CPAC thingy and quarantine them…in the Trump Washington hotel.

In fact, let’s stick them in there and shut the hotel down until this pandemic passes. I’m sure Trump would take the monetary sacrifice for his nation and fellow Republicans. Right? Hello?

Now, remember, keep at least three feet away from all Republicans. For the love of God, do not shake their hands. Republican cooties are nasty. Additionally, it would be best if you don’t smell any of their bullshit either.

Republicans are contagious.

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Corona BS


cjones03112020

When Donald Trump was a candidate for the presidency and no one could actually see him winning the office, President Obama said Trump was “uniquely unqualified” for the job. Obama was right. Donald Trump has done nothing except prove he’s unqualified and should not be president.

A man like Donald Trump occupying the Oval Office is a national emergency and a national security risk. He’s given secrets to the Russians. He’s downplayed attacks against our nation. He’s given legitimacy to North Korea’s dictator. He’s praised dictators. He’s attacked our allies and has worked diligently to weaken NATO. He withheld military aid to an ally in a war with one of our enemies to extort personal favors. He’s used his office to advance his political campaign and to build his own bank account. He’s removed qualified people from crucial posts to install sycophants and family members. He’s even worked to deny disaster relief and humanitarian aid to Americans because he doesn’t like the spending and their leaders hurt his feelings. For the past three years, Donald Trump hasn’t had a disaster so he’s been one. Now, we have a disaster for him to handle.

A disaster is here and in typical Trumpian fashion, his ego is the top priority. But this time, Trump can’t change the discussion with a tweet. Making fun of someone’s height doesn’t change the subject. Boasting about his leadership skills doesn’t change actual facts. The bet now is who will realize first that Donald Trump’s bullshit doesn’t change facts, Donald Trump or his cult?

One of my conservative fucknut colleagues has a cartoon today with a paper containing a headline reading, “Trump: America prepared for Corona.” And no, the cartoon isn’t about Mexican beer.

What my conservative Trump turdling colleague failed to mention is that Donald Trump has downplayed, and lied, and lied, and lied, and then lied some more when it comes to “Corona.”

His latest attempt to downplay it is that he has a “hunch” the World Health Organization is wrong about the death rate from the Coronavirus. Never mind that WHO’s death rate is based upon actual deaths from the virus. The man believes in invisible airplanes, windmill cancer, and that you need an ID to purchase Count Chocula, but let’s trust his hunch on this one.

Donald Trump initially called the virus a hoax. As you should know by now, it’s not. Trump has claimed the number of cases are decreasing in this nation. They’re not. He claimed the fatality rate is lower than the flu. It’s not. He said a vaccine is coming quickly. It’s not. Next, he’ll probably claim Mexico will pay for it.

And the people who are trying to get the facts out about this emergency are being attacked by Trump and cult, accusing those trying to tell the truth of attempting to hurt him politically. Even his dumbass son, aptly named “Donald Trump Jr,” said Democrats and the media want people to die so it’ll hurt his father politically.

While it’s all well and good (not really) that Donald Trump’s cult gaslights and claims he built this economy and that it was in a recession when he entered office (really. His supporters believe this), nobody dies from that bullshit. But now, they’re gaslighting and playing politics with something that kills people.

While talking to Sean Hannity, Trump said, “you have thousands or even hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by sitting around — and even going to work — some of them go to work. But they get better.” That’s the kind of bullshit that will kill people. And of course, Hannity wasn’t going to call him on it.

The danger from this is that a member of Trump’s cult will contract the virus and believe he only has the sniffles, and that dumbass will go to work…or attend a Trump rally. By the way, I hear a lot of liberals say if they get the virus then they’re going to a Trump rally. Here’s the problem with that: People who attend Trump rallies don’t only go to Trump rallies (or cross burnings).

But right now, we have a president (sic) who is making the environment deadlier than it already is. He’s providing false information. False information kills. And he’s claiming those who point out his lies are politicizing it and trying to hurt him.

But, criticizing his administration’s weak response and cuts that made this worse has actually increased funding to combat the virus. The House passed an $8.3 billion bill to respond to the Coronavirus and Trump will sign it.

It was during the vote for this bill that one sycophant proved they’re just as bad as their Dear Leader which brings us back to the point that protecting Donald Trump’s ego is a higher priority than combating the pandemic.

During a Meet the Press interview, Mike Pence refused to refute Donald Trump Jr’s claim that Democrats wanted the virus to kill Americans. During a hearing before Congress, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo refused to disagree with Donald Trump that the virus is a hoax. And then, during the floor vote on the bill to fight the virus, Florida Republican representative and Trump sycophant Matt Gaetz wore a huge gas mask to mock the dangers of the virus.

He later said he wore it for his own protection because “members of Congress are human Petri dishes — we fly through the dirtiest airports, we touch everyone we meet. If anyone’s gonna get coronavirus, it’s gonna be the people on that floor so I want to be ready.” I don’t know about the petri dish thing, but Matt Gaetz is like a fungus.

Before the stunt, Gaetz tweeted, “Coronavirus does not belong to a political party and it should not be a political tool.” Seriously. Here’s another fact for Florida Man Matt Gaetz: The virus doesn’t know when it’s being trolled…much like Donald Trump.

I don’t think Gaetz needed a gas mask. His colleagues did and not for safety from the virus, but from smelling the bullshit from Gaetz and the other sycophants in Congress.

In fact, the government says we don’t need to wear medical/surgical masks for protection from the virus, but if Trump’s bullshit continues, we should all wear gas masks.

Donald Trump is uniquely unqualified for the presidency. The only thing Trump is qualified for is bullshit.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Republican Herd


cjones10262019

When you can’t counter facts and evidence, what do you do? You scream as loud as you can about the process, create a giant scene of faux outrage, and state a massive hissy fit. That’s exactly what Matt Gaetz led House Republicans to do yesterday.

Though Gaetz didn’t stampede a herd of cattle through the private impeachment hearing, delaying a witness from the Pentagon from testifying for five hours, he did find a bunch of poo-flinging monkeys in the form of fellow Republicans.

Republicans are crying about the Democratic-led hearings being held in secret, but they don’t have a leg to stand on. They say it defies precedent as previous impeachment hearings were public. But those impeachments reached the House AFTER the investigative process. What’s going on now is the investigative process, much like the Republican investigations into Benghazi and Fast & Furious, which also started in secret. After the investigative process, there will be public hearings. After Trump is impeached, he’ll have a trial in the Senate where yes, he will have a defense team. Granted, a very stupid defense team, but a defense team nevertheless.

Why hold the investigations in secret? One reason is so witnesses can’t collaborate from watching each others’ testimonies. The other reason is so House members don’t turn the hearings into a circus. Proving this point, yesterday, Matt Gaetz and a bunch of Republican clowns crashed a committee hearing yesterday.

Another complaint is that Republicans can’t participate or ask questions in these hearings. False and false. Forty-eight Republicans are on the committees in these hearings and they can ask questions. Here’s a fun fact: At least 13 of the Republicans staging the party-crashing yesterday WERE INVITED TO ATTEND THE HEARINGS! They’re on those committees. It’s like crashing a party you’re invited to. If they really wanted to take part in these hearings, then why didn’t they attend and question the witnesses instead of crashing it with idiot Gaetz and holding a pizza party? Yeah, they had pizza.

Another fun fact: These hearings are being held in a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility, commonly known as a SCIF (in case you’re a Republican, that’s what we call an “acronym”). There are rules that cell phones are not allowed into these facilities. Yet, this will totally come as not a surprise to you, several of these stupid Republicans brought in their devices. Some even live-streamed and tweeted from inside the room. So much for Republicans caring about national security.

Even more fun facts: House leader Kevin McCarthy and Donald Trump knew beforehand this was going to happen, and they approved.

And yet, another fun fact: Gaetz and his staff handed out expired congressional passes to some uncredentialed reporters and the crew of HBO’s The Swamp, which is documenting Gaetz’s efforts to combat the hearings, which is a violation of House rules.

Matt Gaetz and his band of stupid brothers are fortunate they weren’t arrested, but many believe that’s what they wanted as it would have made a bigger scene.

Republicans are complaining about secret hearings over Trump corruption they believe should have remained a secret. When these hearings go public, they’ll do everything they can to suppress and shout down witnesses. If they think it’s bad now, wait. Their defense isn’t going to improve.

Expect more Republican stampedes in the future because all they have is bullshit.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Whose Liar Is It Anyway?


cjones03052019

Democrats spent the majority of Michael Cohen’s testimony asking questions about Donald Trump. Republicans spent all of their time asking Michael Cohen questions about Michael Cohen.

Republicans, ranking member Jim Jordan in particular, pointed out that the first witness called for the first hearing in the Democrat-controlled 116th Congress is a man convicted of lying to Congress. Since Jordan is a Republican, his opening remarks and point was…wait for it…A LIE! This is actually the third hearing in the 116th Congress and since those hearings had witnesses, Cohen is not the first.

Each Republican on the House Oversight Committee used their time to attack Cohen as a liar and convicted perjurer. Nobody defended that, including Cohen because he’s a liar and convicted perjurer. Michael Cohen is going to prison for his lies. The Republicans even went as far as propping up a poster of Cohen’s face with the text, “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.” Seriously. Unfortunately for the Republican members on the committee, they forgot three things.

The Republicans forgot to defend Donald Trump. They forgot the man they’re protecting is a known pathological liar. Mostly, they forgot what Cohen was lying about and for when he committed perjury before Congress in his first hearing. Men who are destroying their credibility for Donald Trump were attacking the credibility of a man who destroyed his for Donald Trump.

Former New Jersey governor Chris Christie said on ABC that he can “guarantee” Trump is “sitting in Vietnam right now, fuming that no one’s defending him.” He also argued the performance was “either a failure of those Republicans on the Hill or a failure of the White House to have a unified strategy with them.” One senior House Republican who requested anonymity told The Washington Post, “The reason there was no defense is because there is no defense.”

Cohen is Trump’s former fixer, and it seemed like each Republican on the committee was angling to be his replacement.

One attempt to defend Trump was when Mark Meadows brought one of Trump’s few black friends to stand behind him as a prop as he challenged Cohen’s allegation that Trump is a racist. He literally played the black friend defense. Then, Meadows got upset when it was pointed out he used a black person as a prop, which in itself is racist. His defense of not being a racist was…wait for it…he has black friends.

Freshman Ayanna Pressley asked Cohen a question that was probably more for Meadows. The Democrat asked, “Would you agree that someone could deny rental units to African Americans, lead the birther movement, refer to the diaspora as ‘shithole countries,’ refer to white supremacists as ‘fine people,’ have a black friend, and still be racist?” That answer was “yes.”

Cohen alleged that Trump knew about the hacking of the Democratic National Committee before WikiLeaks had released the documents. He also claimed Trump reimbursed him for hush payments to women while he was president, and said Trump called him at one point to ensure he kept lying about those payments. He also produced the checks showing Trump had reimbursed him, which were made out, signed, and dated after Trump became President Trump. He even implicated Don Jr. and Ivanka in the Moscow Trump Tower project.

Cohen described Trump as a conman, a liar, and a racist. Stuff we already knew. He claimed Trump had him threaten people over 500 times, which is almost as many times as the committee Republicans said “liar, liar, pants on fire.”

Cohen, the liar, even defended Trump from a few rumors, such as having a love child, striking his wife, ordering Roger Stone to engage with Wikileaks, and the Russians possessing a tape that could be used as blackmail against Trump (you know, the pee tape). But then again, Cohen is a known liar and Republicans say we shouldn’t believe him.

Republicans still don’t get it. If there is a danger, you need to address it. Not hide and protect it. If the president of the United States has broken the law, cheated to win the election, obstructed justice, or sold his nation out to an adversarial nation for his financial interest, it’s in every American’s best interest to know the answers.

When the Republicans controlled the committees, they refused to ask questions or even call some witnesses in their campaign to defend Trump. Then-Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes used his position and hearings to gather intel to update the White House. They worked to protect those who may have betrayed the nation. They attacked law enforcement while defending a suspected Russian spy. This week, Republican Matt Gaetz tweeted a threat to Cohen the night before his testimony, which is a crime and a very Michael Cohen kind of thing to do, back when he was Trump’s fixer. Jim Jordan complained that there was even a hearing today, and these are the guys who created five different House committee investigations into Benghazi.

Republicans claim Michael Cohen is lying in his attacks against Trump. What Republicans are truly upset about is that Cohen has stopped lying for Trump.

It’s one thing for your crazy Republican uncle to refuse to defend America. It’s another for those elected and whose job it is to defend our country. Republicans have proven time and time again they’re more interested in being Trump sycophants, stooges, and cultists than defenders of our nation.

Republicans need to stop being Republicans for a minute and start being Americans.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Sticky Fingers


cjones07162018

Yesterday, the Justice Department announced that Special Counsel Robert Mueller has indicted 12 Russians for meddling in the 2016 presidential election in an effort to support the candidacy of Donald Trump. The indictments bring the Russia investigation closer to Trump, and unfortunately for him, the only ones standing in the way to obstruct the investigation are the conspiracy-driven lunatics at Fox News and the Republican imbeciles in Congress.

The House Judiciary Committee dragged FBI agent Peter Strzok before them for a theatrical hearing to make the case that the FBI is part of the “deep state” gunning to take down Trump. Their argument is based on text messages he sent to his lover that were critical of Trump, while he was a part of two separate investigations of both presidential candidates.

Strzok argued that having a political opinion does not make someone biased. Biased is when you allow your opinion to get in the way of your work, which Strzok did not do. The evidence to that is, the FBI never leaked that they were investigating a possible Trump/Russia connection during the campaign, yet agents leaked information and there were multiple press conferences about the Clinton investigation.

There is a difference between being biased and informed. It is difficult to find a highly skilled, experienced, and intelligent professional who doesn’t have a negative opinion about Donald Trump. Don’t most investigators have a negative opinion of their subjects as they gain more information?

Democratic Congressman Ted Lieu said at one point during the showcase, “This is a stupid and ridiculous hearing.” Now, after yesterday’s indictments, we know why at least one Republican is desperate to stop Mueller’s investigation.

The indictments informed us that one Congressional candidate asked Gucifer 2.0, the Russian hackers, for stolen documents from Democrats, and received it. The report didn’t state if this candidate is presently in Congress or even what party they are a member of, but it’s kinda far-fetched to believe it’s not a Republican. If Mueller knows about this exchange, then he also knows who the suspect is.

Now, we get to play the game of guessing which Kool-Aid drinking, cultish, treasonous, Putin’s puppet of a Republican goon is going to prison. My candidates are Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan (who has other issues to answer for), Trey Gowdy, Steve King, Darrell Issa, Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, and Bob Goodlatte. There are other contenders but this is my candy store. It’s really hard to pick just one sycophant.

If they all can’t go to prison, perhaps the voters can keep each of them from returning to Congress.

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