Make America Dumb Again

So I watched last night’s Republican debate and yes, I feel a little bit dumber for doing so. It was the second GOP debate this campaign season and it wasn’t an improvement over the first one. It was so bad that at one point, the moderates were talking over each other. And just like the first one, it seemed more like a contest for second place.

Also, I said something to Alexa last night that I never thought I’d hear myself saying. Since I couldn’t immediately find the channel hosting the debate, I said, “Alexa, tune to Fox News.” I started to feel dumber immediately. I half-expected Alexa to say, “Who are you and what did you do with Clay?” and then call the cops for my home being invaded by a MAGAt. Alexa knows I wouldn’t allow no MAGAts in here. Ew.

The debate featured seven candidates, Ron DeSantis, Tim Scott, Chris Christie, Doug Burgum, Mike Pence, Nikki Haley, and Vivek Ramaswamy. One thing that six of the candidates seemed to agree on is that they all hate Ramaswamy. I know it’s the only thing I agree with several of them on.

At one point while talking about being on TikTok, Nikki Haley interrupted Ramaswamy (There was a lot of that) and said, “Every time I hear you, I feel a little dumber.” Haley was a force to be reckoned with last night for the other candidates, but she was pretty dumb herself. She talked about 8th graders not knowing history or civics and then endorsed invading Mexico. In fact, at least three of these goobers endorsed invading Mexico.

And hearing a Republican howl that students don’t know history is surreal.

Christie called out Donald Trump for not being there and called him “Donald Duck.” He consistently attacked Trump but keep in mind, that Christie hung out at the Trump White House (sic) so much, it’s where he caught Covid. Haley and Pence also attacked Trump as though they were never a part of his administration.

Ron DeSantis doubled down on abortion bans and defended teaching that slavery provided benefits to slaves. He attacked Los Angeles and San Francisco for being violent places, neglecting to mention Jacksonville where a mass shooter with a racist manifesto recently murdered three Black people.

Mike Pence said he’ll defend Transgenders by federally banning Transgender procedures. And then he joked about sleeping with his wife which ruined my dinner. This came about because Christie complained about President Biden sleeping with a member of the teachers union, his wife, which made Ron DeSantis mention that he sleeps with his wife, which led to Pence talking about sleeping with his wife. Hell, you probably just lost some brain cells along with your lunch reading this paragraph. Mike Pence getting jiggy explains why his pet rabbit is gay.

Tim Scott and Ramaswamy both came out on the side of corporations over union members as Scott had recently endorsed the idea of firing people who strike.

Ramaswamy screeched about repealing the 14th Amendment which grants birthright citizenship even though he’s a United Citizen by…you see this coming, right?…. BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP. Why is it always the fucks who tout themselves as being constitutionalists who want to do away with the Constitution?

Ramaswamy also endorsed giving Ukraine to Vladimir Putin and expressed how great a president (sic) Donald Trump was despite the fact he’s…wait for it… running against Donald Trump. Every time someone criticized his position, he’d respond by complaining about “personal attacks” instead of defending his stupid positions. He bragged about pulling his company out of China…wait for it again… after putting his company in China.

Ramaswamy attacked Ukraine over it banning 11 political parties… with ties to Russia. I’m sensing a pattern here. A stupid treasonous pattern, yes, but still a pattern.

Haley complained about Ramaswamy doing business in China because it’s the same country that gave millions to Hunter Biden. Chris Christie talked about President Biden’s basement. Tim Scott said Biden should be on the Mexican border instead of a picket line in Michigan. Haley said we need to secure our southern and northern borders. The Washington Post did give a freelance cartooning job to a Canadian, so maybe she has a point.

At one point, Tim Scott and Nikki Haley got into a heated exchange over curtains. Scott accused Haley of using taxpayer money to purchase $50,000 curtains for the residence of the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations. Haley explained that the purchase was made during the Obama administration. Then Scott complained, three times, that she didn’t send them back. Send them back to where? They were still purchased. Did we keep the receipt? Nikki blamed Scott for the purchase since he’s in the Senate. Did this paragraph kill even more brain cells?

There was a lot of howling about Fentanyl coming across our border from Mexico, which is why so many Republicans want to invade that country, but none of the candidates mentioned that 90 percent of Fentanyl that comes into this nation enters through legal borders with most carried by U.S. citizens. If these Republicans can ban abortions, gender-changing surgeries, union members from striking, birthright citizenships, Critical Race Theory, Drag QueenStory Hour, Taco Bell menus being in Espanol (what’s the English word for “taco?”), and kids from using TikTok, then they should be able to ban U.S. citizens from going to Mexico to smuggle drugs.

One of the candidates said they’d win our independence from China but I can’t recall who because my brain cells were burning out at that point.

The debate was held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library which made most of them mention The Gipper at various points of the debate, even though Reagan’s Republican Party died in 2016.

Nobody brought up Trump’s four indictments or 91 criminal charges. Nobody brought up this week’s ruling that shut down all of Trump’s businesses in New York. Nobody brought up Trump’s post that an American general should be executed. None of the moderates felt any of this was important.

So I watched the debate for you so you didn’t have to, risking the possibility of berccuring dumberer en der process me brain hurt look a pretty bird.

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