Mouse Poker

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is making his fight against Disney personal. It has less to do with what’s best for the people in the state of Florida and more to do with Boots DeSantis’ fragile ego. In fact, the entire squabble started over his ego.

When the “Don’t Say Gay” law was first proposed, Disney came out against it. The smartest thing DeSantis and Republicans could have done with that was to ignore it. Nothing would have changed from it. The homophobic bill would have still become law, Florida bigots would all high-five each other, and Disney would continue going about business as usual and bringing in money to the state as it’s been doing for the past 56 years. After all, Disney is the largest employer in Florida. It would take a real dumbass to fuck with that.

So Governor Dumbass fucked with that. Making it personal, he and his Republican goons sought to punish Disney and did so by revoking the status of their special governing district. Florida is full of these special districts. They allow a company to self-govern an area, like with sewer and road maintenance thus reducing the tax obligations of citizens in those districts. It’s more complicated than how I explained it, but that’s the gist. Disney maintained its own local government, police department, and fire department for 56 years.

By taking away the special status, Republicans put the tax burden on citizens in the district. It took them a year to pass a new bill to put all the financial obligations back onto Disney while still not allowing them to self-govern. And, a new board was created to oversee the district. Naturally, the board is full of religious fundamental homophobic goons DeSantis appointed. DeSantis stated that he expects the board to go beyond making decisions on matters like water, roads, and sewage, and work to influence the content Disney puts out. But right before DeSantis’ new board of religious zealots, sycophants, and fucknuts could take control, the Mouse pulled a fast one. And it did it in broad daylight.

At the 11th hour, the outgoing board approved a change that allows Disney to retain control over the land within the outer limits of Orange and Osceola counties “21 years after the death of the last survivor of the descendants of King Charles III, king of England.” That fucks things up for DeSantis and basically makes the new board powerless. The new rule states, “Any changes will be “subject to Disney’s prior review and comment” to “ensure consistency with the overall design and theming” of the company’s park.” The good news for DeSantis and Republicans is that they’ll have full power to put Disney in its place 21 years after the last member of England’s royal family dies.

With this new ruling, Disney no longer needs board approval to build high-density projects or buildings of any height and can sell or assign development rights. It also bans the board from using Disney’s name or any of its characters.

One of DeSantis’ board members, Ron Peri, a right-wing homophobic Christian pastor said, “This board loses, for practical purposes, the majority of its ability to do anything beyond maintain the roads and maintain basic infrastructure.” You know this board full of homophobic religious fundamentalists didn’t join the board because they care about water and sewage. You know these goons joined up to prevent Disney from making future movies where Disney princesses marry Disney princesses. I’d watch that.

Disney issued a statement saying, “All agreements signed between Disney and the District were appropriate, and were discussed and approved in open, noticed public forums in compliance with Florida’s ‘Government in the Sunshine’ law.” Disney made the entire process public with notices knowing that Republicans were too busy high-fiving each other to notice.

Florida Republican lawmakers are once again talking about changing laws to invalidate the new rules. DeSantis himself is promising to punish the corporation further by piling on new taxes and toll roads to Disney, which is a weird position to take if you want to be the Republican nominee for president. How do you tell Republicans to vote for the guy who just raised taxes on a corporation? How do you tell Republicans to vote for the guy that just added higher fees to families visiting Disney World in Orlando? Disney isn’t going to pay those tolls, tourists are.

And, if DeSantis is hoping toll roads will discourage people from visiting and spending their money at Disney World, then he’s also discouraging people from visiting and spending their money in Florida. I don’t think even Donald Trump, who doesn’t understand that Americans pay for higher tariffs on China, is that stupid. Most governors want tourists to visit and spend money in their states, right?

In Kenny Rogers’ song “The Gambler,” he sings, “You gotta know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.” Ron DeSantis needs to know when he shouldn’t be playing poker because he doesn’t know how.

This is why I always try to play poker with Republicans.

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