This Is The Way


In case you’re not a geek: The Mandalorian is a spinoff of Star Wars. It’s a series that runs on Disney+. Din Djarin is a bounty hunter hopping from planet to planet, capturing bad guys, freezing them in carbonite for delivery all while practicing the Mandalorian culture of never taking his helmet off. He says throughout the series, “This is the way.”

Spoiler alert for next paragraph: Throughout the first season, we don’t see Mando’s face (Mando is his nickname). It’s his “way” that no living thing is to see his face…ever. No Humans, no Gungans, no Zabraks, no Wookies, no Ewoks, no Togrutas, or no Twi’leks. Not even Baby Yoda (we still don’t know what he is) who he collects on a bounty and decides to keep and protect and eventually becomes his parent. Yeah, the series is weird. At the end of the first season, we finally see Mando’s face…for a minute. In the second season, he encounters other Mandalorians who inform him that “his way” is an extreme cult of their religion. He reacts the way most people do when informed they’re in a cult…he stormed the United States Capitol to overturn an election. No. What he did was deny it and accuse the others of being traitors to “the way” or whatever it is. But throughout the second season, he seems to ease up on his rule about removing his helmet. At the very end (big spoiler), he takes it off in front of just about everybody in the cast.

The Mandalorian practiced an extreme form of his religion but in reality, Cara Dune is the cultist. Or at least, Gina Carano is.

Cara Dune is an ass-kicking ally of the Mandalorian. She truly is a bad ass and she’s one of the most popular characters from the show. Some have said her action figures are outselling all other Star Wars characters. Even Baby Yoda? There were plans to create a spinoff series for Cara Dune. All this is due from the stellar performance of Gina Carano, a former mixed-martial artist. It’s too bad she turned out to be a right-wing troglodyte.

Hey, there are no laws that says you can’t be an insensitive ignorant stupid asshole, even if you have talent. But, there also are no laws that says an entertainment company has to employ your stupid ass when you publicly share debunked conspiracy theories, stupid bullshit, and a slight tinge of racism. OK. A lot of racism.

People, when you promote the “stop the steal” and “stolen election” lie, that’s out of hate. Let’s make that clear. And when you support Donald Trump, especially at this point, you have a lot of hate. Supporting Donald Trump is racist. Supporting the lie the election was stolen is racist. Where do you think they claim all those fake ballots came from? Black voting precincts. Who stormed the Capitol? White nationalists. Who does the Klan hold parades for? Donald Trump. What are Proud Boys? A white nationalist terrorist organization of guys with tiny peckers who love Donald Trump, the king of tiny racist peckers.

So, when Gina Carano posts on social media that the election was stolen, she’s supporting racists. When she tweets conspiracy theories about wearing masks to fight the global pandemic caused by the coronavirus, she’s supporting hate. When she promotes the “big lie,” she’s enabling white nationalist terrorists.

And when you compare the treatment Jews received from Nazis to hating someone for their political views, you can go screw yourself.

Gina Carano made an Instagram post complaining about the treatment conservatives are receiving for being conservatives. That’s like people complaining their white privilege isn’t receiving enough privilege. It’s weird that the people who call others “snowflakes” are such big whiny-ass babies. It’s weird that the crowd that keeps Colin Kaepernick unemployed and is censuring their own when they turn on Trump is the same crowd screaming about “cancel culture.”

Plus, she’s stupid. Gina Carano worked for Disney and Lucasfilm. Uh…was she unaware of the politics of these two companies? They’re very progressive. Disney and Lucasfilm don’t like Nazis. George Lucas is a bigtime liberal. Don’t fuck with him. So knowing this, she makes really stupid posts that feeds racists? She compares being hated for viewpoints to the Holocaust?

Lucasfilm dropped her and issued an official statement saying she was “not currently employed by Lucasfilm and there are no plans for her to be in the future.” and “Nevertheless, her social media posts denigrating people based on their cultural and religious identities are abhorrent and unacceptable.” The agency that represents her dropped her also.

The place where she works fired her. The people who get her jobs fired her. Don’t look to see Gina in a lot of upcoming shows. She is now officially toxic.

A lot of conservatives asked, “What about Pedro?” Pedro Pascale plays the Mandalorian. Earlier, he compared the incarceration of children by the Trump administration, the throwing them into cages, to the way Jews were treated by Nazis. Fucknuts were claiming hypocrisy. But, they don’t get it.

Comparing children being ripped apart from their families and placed into cages to what the Nazis did to Jews is a fair comparison. Comparing being hated for racist views to what the Nazis did to Jews is not. Trump cultists believe being criticized for racist views is worse than a baby being ripped away from its family.

And in case you don’t believe Gina is on the wrong side of this, you need no better proof than Ted Cruz. Yes, Ted Cruz rushed to Gina’s defense. Sorry, Gina. No amount of beskar will save you from a Ted Cruz defense.

Ted exhibited the same outrage he had when Donald Trump called his wife ugly, before he started kissing his ass, and tweeted, “Texan Gina Carano broke barriers in the Star Wars universe: not a princess, not a victim, not some emotionally tortured Jedi. She played a woman who kicked a– & who girls looked up to. She was instrumental in making Star Wars fun again. Of course Disney canceled her.”

Ted, you’re upset about how a woman is treated? Again, Donald Trump called your wife “ugly.”

Ted, being a conservative and a Trump supporter despite the guy calling his wife ugly and his dad a murderer, doesn’t comprehend. Gina Carano was canceled by Disney and Lucasfilm. Cara Dune was not canceled. At least not yet. She can be brought back with another actress. If they can do it with Clarice Starling then they can do it with Cara Dune. You see, Ted…The Mandalorian is fiction. This character breaking barriers who is not a princess, victim, or some emotionally tortured Jedi who kicked ass and who girls looked up to is Cara Dune, NOT Gina Carano.

And Ted, since you and Gina can’t comprehend, criticizing people who attempted a coup and tried to overturn an election isn’t the same as mass murdering people. Me calling you an asshole isn’t the same as genocide, you asshole. So, are you now going to compare Gina’s firing to the Inquisition?

Being racists who support terrorists may be “the way” for people like Gina Carano and Ted Cruz, but it’s not mine and it’s not “the way” for Disney or Lucasfilm.

Now, I expect life for Gina to be like that of Boba Fett after he was thrown into the Sarlac pit. She’ll turn up 30 years later and we’ll all be surprised she’s still alive. As for Ted Cruz, can we feed him to a Wampa?

Told you this blog would be geeky.

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A Mousey Reopening


Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

There are multiple theories as to why Donald Trump and his band of fucknuts are pressuring schools to reopen.

One theory is they need kids in school for teachers to babysit so their parents can carry on the business of stimulating the economy by going back to work. Another theory is Donald Trump wants the appearance of things being back to normal so he can continue to bark that is and win reelection. The third theory is that they just want to kill you.

Those could all be true to some extent but one thing that is definitely true is Donald Trump doesn’t care about you or your children. If he did, he wouldn’t continue to lie about the pandemic while pushing for reopenings.

Representative Ayanna Pressley said she wouldn’t trust Education Secretary Betsy DeVos with a houseplant let alone her child.

Pressley tweeted at DeVos, who has zero experience working with public education and once said we need guns in schools for protection from bears, on the Trump administration’s plans to reopen saying, “You have no plan. Teachers, kids, and parents are fearing for their lives. You point to a private sector that has put profits over people and claimed the lives of thousands of essential workers. I wouldn’t trust you to care for a house plant let alone my child.”

It’s not entirely true the Trump administration has no plans for reopening schools. They are planning to withhold federal funding from schools if they don’t reopen. They are literally holding children hostage…again. The only thing is, they’re not putting your kids into cages. And maybe DeVos could manage to care for a plastic houseplant without killing it…maybe.

This administration has planned less for reopening schools than Disney World has for their reopening.

Disney World reopened in Florida on the same day the state hit a new record for coronavirus cases. Is nobody paying attention in Florida?

Disney’s plans include requiring face masks to be worn at all times, no character meet-and-greet (that can be a good thing if Goofy still freaks you out), fewer restaurants, employees dispensing hand sanitizer to each person getting on a ride, and no parades.

CNN business writer Alexis Benveniste wrote that Disney World’s reopening felt like the “beginning of a horror movie.”

That’s silly. The horror movie started four years ago.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

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You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Beware Of Tourists


I have drawn more cartoons in the past week with alligators and crocodiles than cartoons with Donald Trump. I’ll try to move on after this unless Donald Trump makes a comment about how much “the” gators love him.

After a child was snatched by a gator in Florida there’s been a lot of debate about how Disney could have prevented the attack. I don’t think there’s much they could have done. Many people point out that Disney does have signs on their property warning tourists about the presence of alligators, but none at the area where the family suffered the tragedy.

Would more signs work? Maybe.

During the 2000’s my city of Fredericksburg had a problem with drownings in the Rappahannock River. Most of the drownings were Spanish speaking immigrants. The city put up signs in English and Spanish and it seems to have worked. After several drownings it seems they stopped after the signs went up. Don’t tell Trump because he might send Chris Christie down here to tear them down.

There was also a big issue about cars being towed in the city. Tourists were parking downtown at a convenience store across the street from a very expensive restaurant. There were signs warning that their cars would be towed, but the tourists would ignore them and later write letters to the editor complaining about their vehicles being towed.

Having your vehicle towed isn’t the same tragedy as drowning or being snatched by an alligator, but the comparison is interesting. My editor at the time wanted me to draw a cartoon attacking the tow companies. I thought the towers were a bunch of vultures but at the same time I didn’t want to defend stupidity. My editor argued that the tourists, being from out of town, weren’t as aware of the danger of their vehicles being towed. I argued that they kinda had it coming. There were signs and the tourists were usually from a place like Fairfax, not Guatemala.

The comparison I found interesting is that the Spanish speaking immigrants were good with signs. Stuck up tourists from Northern Virginia, not so much.

The tourists who lost their child are from Nebraska. Would they have paid attention to a sign warning of alligators? Who knows. They don’t have alligators in Nebraska. Nebraska has corn and tornadoes. A Nebraskan might have heard about the danger of large lizards, but kinda shrug it off because who can actually fathom their child being grabbed by an alligator? Alligators are not a common hazard for them.

Louisiana and Florida each has over a million alligators. They’re a larger problem in Florida as that state has more people, more cities, more urban areas, more development, and more tourist attractions like Disney. Louisiana doesn’t have as much development where the alligators hang out. When tourists visit Louisiana they’re more likely visit New Orleans where you’re more likely to be snatched by a transvestite hooker than an alligator. Other dangers in The Big Easy are muggers, stabbers, and corrupt cops. You’d rather face an alligator.

Online couch sitting parenting experts are also saying that Disney should physically remove the alligators. Good luck with that. Male alligators are territorial and they like their own space. They will travel over 30 miles to find it. You can’t fence them out as they can actually climb fences. They’re not real smart (maybe sporting a higher IQ than tourists from Fairfax), but persistent. If Floridians can’t keep them out of their pools how can Disney be expected to keep them out of their lagoons? On top of all that, if an alligator is fed by a human just once, that alligator starts losing his fear of humans and starts associating them with snacks and the next thing you know, you lost a Schnauzer.

Even though alligators are extremely dangerous, it’s very unlikely to be attacked by one unless you’re a schnauzer (another stupid creature. I know. I had one. It once ate a paycheck which it found in the inside pocket of a jacket that was hanging up). Humans are more of a threat to them and probably not as tasty as a schnauzer.

More signs should be put up but honestly, there might be a better chance of the gators paying attention to them than the tourists.

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Is That An Alligator In Your Pocket?


I know. Go ahead and give it to me. This is very insensitive and has poor timing. I’m not good with sensitive or sacred cows…or in this case, reptiles. At least I didn’t go with my first heartless idea which consisted of an alligator eating Mickey Mouse. Pissing off the NRA, Trump, and Republicans I’m good with. Disney on the other hand….ugh.

If there was a huge money-making alligator industry and rednecks used them to overcompensate for their tiny penises, there would be a trade organization buying off congressmen to make sure anyone could buy an alligator at any time.

Right now the Democrats in the U.S. Senate are conducting a filibuster to force the Republicans to schedule a vote on gun control. This has totally stopped all Senate business….which means it’s pretty much like any day in the Senate.

Republicans HATE to talk about gun control. The only issue they hate talking about more is Donald Trump. If you really wanna flummox a GOP office holder, ask him about Trump’s revolving position on guns.

Creative note: I’ve had a theme with alligators the past few days. Last week I drew Donald Trump with alligator arms (played that off a Geico commercial). Today I drew a commissioned cartoon with crocodiles for a brand new client that’s based outside the United States (Claytoonz is going international. You’ll see it Friday). Now today I drew this. I can’t help it. I like reptiles.

I really like reptiles. I once worked in the reptile house of a small zoo in northeast Louisiana in the late 1980’s. My favorite story from that brief adventure comes from the day we cleaned the alligator pool. I didn’t do any actual cleaning but it was my job to keep the gators and Alligator Snapping Turtles away from the cleaners. I was armed only with a stick. There were five gators in the tank. They were all under six feet long except for this one mother. Before we could drain the pool we had to get one gator out which we did with a lasso. That took several hours. Some genius designed the pool where the drain was in the deep end and had to be manually unplugged. Nobody likes diving with alligators.

The alligators cooperated for the most part. The turtles, not so much. In fact, the turtles concerned me a lot more than the gators.

A large chunk of my childhood was spent in Louisiana. When I was a kid my older sister and I swam in a bayou with them. As a teenager my buddies and I swam in the same water. We never had an issue. When I was around ten or eleven we actually had two pet baby alligators, which was and still is illegal. I didn’t know that at the time and thankfully, the statute of limitations has long passed. We only had them for about a week. They weren’t as cuddly as we thought they might be. I got bit a lot. They never bit my sister once.

I do feel really bad for the parents who lost a child this week in Orlando to an alligator attack. That city had one tragic week. Losing a child under any circumstance is a horrible thing to live with. I know. It’s something I’ve been very close to. I’m sure Disney will never make this family wait in line for Pirates Of The Caribbean ever again.

A lot of people are asking questions about the parents, just like when that Cincinnati gorilla thing happened. Thing is, things happen. This is a freak occurrence that’s a true tragedy. I don’t think there are any safety measures that can prevent something like this happening once in a million years, especially after you build tourist resorts on a swamp.

Before posting this I searched for hashtags and one of them is “Disney Gator” which sounds a lot happier than it really is.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!