87,000 Conspiracy Theories

Sometimes I’m asked by people in the real world (like in person and not on social media), “why are you a liberal?”. I’ll also occasionally get, “Why can’t you be conservative?”.

The reason I’m a liberal and I can’t be a conservative is for several reasons. I don’t think cruelty is funny. I have empathy. I care about people who are not myself. I believe we should help each other, and not just ourselves. I don’t think we should be greedy and selfish. I don’t think we should physically hurt people. I believe in democracy and human rights. I believe all people should be treated equally and we should all have the same opportunities. I don’t believe that any child in this country should be allowed to go hungry. I believe in a woman’s right to choose. I don’t believe ten-year-old rape victims should be forced to give birth to rapists’ babies. I don’t believe families should be torn apart or that children should be thrown into dog crates. I like dogs. And, I like the truth.

Republicans can not tell the truth. They can’t advocate any policy without lying. Your average Republican will lie when he says America favors GOP policies over those of Democrats. That’s a huge lie since Republicans have only won the popular vote in a presidential election just once since 1988. In case you’re a Republican, that’s over 30 years. But, the lying gets worse when it comes to defending Donald Trump. I have never ever ever ever ever not once ever heard a MAGAt defend Donald Trump without lying. Never.

I guess what this boils down to is that I can’t be a Republican because I have principles. Republicans don’t have any. Look at Ted Cruz. The issues Republicans can’t claim to hold dear to their hearts anymore are many and include family values, balanced budgets, government spending, patriotism, Jesus, law and order, democracy, national security, corruption, nepotism, sexual assault, classified information, Hillary’s emails, or whatever the fuck is on Hunter Biden’s laptop. They have sacrificed every position they’ve ever held in loyalty to the Trump cult. This brings us back to lying.

The Inflation Reduction Act President Biden just signed tackles healthcare, climate change, and slightly raises taxes on corporations. The only way Republicans can attack this is to lie. If nothing else, maybe it’ll distract midterm voters from the fact Republicans blocked an amendment on a price cap of $35 on insulin. Another reason I can’t be a conservative is that I’m not fucking evil.

One of the lies they’re spreading is that this new law raises taxes on the middle class. It does not and there’s nothing in the bill that says so. Yet, Republicans are going on TV saying it does. Many justify this bullshit by claiming if you raise taxes on corporations, then they’ll raise prices on goods, which is like a tax increase on the middle class. These are the same motherfuckers who refused to see that American consumers pay tariffs when you raise them on foreign products.

But you can’t blame Democrats for greedy corporations raising their prices. You blame greedy corporations. I mean, why were they raising prices before this act passed? Did oil companies eat higher costs over the past several months instead of raising prices on consumers? No. Who are you going to blame for that, Joe Biden? Wait…Republicans did blame Joe Biden.

Another huge lie, which is a doozy, is that the new law will create 87,000 gun-toting IRS agents to go after the middle class with audits. This is a huge lie.

The legislation includes roughly $79 billion for the IRS over 10 years. In case you’re a Republican, ten years is a decade. The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office projects that the enhanced IRS enforcement funded by the law will generate an additional $204 billion in revenue over 10 years. That represents additional taxes that are owed under existing laws, but which go unpaid.

Not all of the new hires, which won’t amount to 87,000, will be auditors. And increased revenue won’t come from people making less than $400,000. In case you’re a Republican, making $400,000 a year makes you way above middle class.

Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen has directed IRS Commissioner Charles Rettig not to use the new funding to increase enforcement of taxpayers earning less than $400,000. In case you’re a Republican, the IRS is a division of the Treasury Department.

Yellen said, “Specifically, I direct that any additional resources, including any new personnel or auditors that are hired, shall not be used to increase the share of small businesses or households below the $400,000 threshold that are audited relative to historical levels.” Yellen wrote in an August 10 letter to Rettig, “This means that, contrary to the misinformation from opponents of this legislation, small business or households earning $400,000 per year or less will not see an increase in the chances that they are audited.”

That doesn’t stop goons from gooning. Ted Cruz claimed “87,000 new IRS agents” will be going after small businesses and non-rich Americans. Cruz said, “And, by the way, these IRS agents aren’t there to go after billionaires. They’re there to go after you. They’re there to go after your small business.”

Maybe we can tax creepiness.

Ted Cruz has no resources for this claim. He just made it up. Speaking of troglodytes talking out of their asses, let’s see what Matt Gaetz had to say.

Gaetz said it was “bizarre” that the IRS bought $700,000 worth of ammunition between March and June 1 of this year, but that amount is the same amount the IRS spent on ammo during the Trump years. Gaetz believes the IRS is buying up all the ammunition it can so normal people won’t have any for when the IRS comes at them with guns blazing during audits.

Personally, I think we should tax people by the size of their foreheads. Fortunately for Matt, I don’t think his income during his upcoming time in prison will be enough to warrant an audit.

That brings us to the lie that there will be 87,000 armed IRS agents. 87,000 is the amount allowed over the next decade for the IRS to hire. It doesn’t mean they will hire that many. They’re not all going to be agents. And, only “special agents” who investigate criminal violations of the tax code are authorized to carry firearms.

And the official Twitter account for the House Judiciary Committee Republicans tweeted, “The IRS is coming for you. The DOJ is coming for you. The FBI is coming for you. No one is safe from political punishment in Joe Biden’s America.”

If you get audited, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that Donald Trump is a criminal who stole government classified documents. The IRS has nothing to do with FBI warrants and searches. But it’s probably true that if you steal classified government documents and store them in your laundry room next to your Swiffer, the DOJ might be coming for you.

The money the IRS is getting is for updates. Over the past decade, the IRS has lost 40 percent of its “complex revenue agents.” These are agents who handle complicated tax returns of large businesses and corporations and go after high-end tax evaders. Over the past decade, Republicans have cut IRS funding. Over the next five years, the IRS is expecting to lose up to 52,000 employees to attrition. This new funding will replace much of that.

The new hires will be educated people who can do math and were educated with the proper textbooks. So, very few will be coming from Florida or Texas.

If the IRS was receiving funds to go after the middle class with no plans to go after rich tax evaders, then Republicans would probably be silent over it. In fact, that’s probably what we’ll get if they take back Congress this November.

The fact is, Republicans care more about the rich than the middle class. Donald Trump’s only legislative accomplishment was giving himself and other asshole billionaires “permanent” tax cuts. They gave them to the middle class too to show they care…but those tax cuts were NOT permanent.

Anytime Republicans claim they care about you, it’s just another lie. And when they send out people like Ted Cruz and Matt Gaetz to state their positions, then you know they’re lying. But then again, it’s hard to find non-goons in the GOP.

The Republican Party lies because it’s all they have.

Music note: I listened to Radiohead.

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