Trans

Scaredy MAGAts


Cjones07062021

In the comments under yesterday’s cartoon on Instagram, I was called a “libtard.” I didn’t think it was that special though it’s been a while since someone has hurled that bigoted and ignorant insult in my direction. And I didn’t just get it once. I got it four times. It amused me so I tweeted about it…which lead to me being called the word about 17 more more times on Twitter.

First off, to the liberals who replied that I should throw it back at them with something like “Trumptard,” you’re missing the point. We don’t sink to their level and you don’t fight bigotry with bigotry. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll be more direct: Don’t use the word, “tard.” Don’t justify it.

Normally, goons call me something like “snowflake.” They think that’s clever. It’s been over four years but that still gets chuckles from them. I love that they use that word, because it’s another example of conservative projection. You see, conservatives are cowards to the point they’re afraid of tiny little thing, like a gay player in the NFL, to the “WAP” song, to losing their white privilege, and to things that don’t even exist, like Jewish Space Lasers.

For example: Republicans have been screaming about communism and Sharia law for years, yet it hasn’t happened here. Another example of projection is their campaigning for their own version of Sharia law.

And if you don’t believe me that Republicans are huge cowards and are constantly snowflaking about shit, just turn on Tucker. He cries about everything and especially if it’s stuff that doesn’t exist. He is the center of the cowardly universe for Republicans who tune in nightly to see what they should be afraid of tomorrow.

This July 4th, fireworks may send your sweet doggy hiding underneath your bed out of fear and anxiety, but Bowser ain’t got nothing on Tucker. Tucker probably sleeps under his bed every night, and unlike in this cartoon, he probably takes the Trumpy Bear with him. And, if you have named your dog after Tucker, that is animal cruelty.

Right now, Republicans have so much to be afraid of that will never hurt them. Stuff like Critical Race Theory, Jewish Space Lasers, Italian satellites, Chinese bamboo ballots, Levar Burton hosting Jeopardy!, gay football players, Ilhan Omar, Nancy Pelosi, Kamala Harris, Hilary Clinton, Sandra Fluke (let’s bring her back), Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (women in general), Juneteenth, trans athletes (this is the hot one for the moment), taking down Confederate statues, Black Lives Matter, Antifa, woke generals, and me. Actually, I’m the only one you should be afraid of and I’m coming to getcha.

When I started this cartoon, I already had some of these topics in my head…but I needed to be reminded what else they’re afraid of, which forced me to look at some stuff I didn’t want to look at.

Lately, I’ve been trying to cut negativity out of my life. That means no looking at Trumper pages on social media, no looking at conservative political cartoons, and no watching Fox News, which I never do anyway. But, to see the current fears, I had to go look at some. It was either that or call one of my MAGAt sisters. No thanks!

First thing I did was check out the Facebook page of one cartoonist, who is not my friend, but is afraid of everything and is always posting about it. He’s on the pulse of right-wing bullshit which can come in helpful for research. Right now his main fears are the vaccine, trans people, and President Biden whispering. He’s also afraid of having his white privilege taken away and it’s obvious he hates black people. He also has a weird Led Zeppelin fetish. It is weird for a 60-year-old man to post 18 shirtless-Robert Plant pictures a day, right?

Then I looked at some cartoons from a bunch of them and…HOLY SHIT!!!!! Did you hear about this trans thing? Apparently, they’re going to shower with us, win beauty pageants, and steal gold medals at the Olympics. This is a major crisis in conservative media. Also, they’re never watching the NFL again…again.

And then, I did what I really didn’t want to do. I went to Breitbart. Ugh. Breitbart used to, and maybe they still do, have an entire section devoted to “black on black crime.” It’s like the racist section but they couldn’t call it the “racist” section. Today’s headlines at the Breitbart include scary stories about trans people, black people, CNN, Critical Race Theory, Biden eating ice cream (that sonofabitch!), gays, more trans people, another Critical Race Theory story, covid this and covid that, immigrants, more trans people, more Critical Race Theory, more immigrants, more black people, more trans people, Critical Race Theory again, and Tucker Carlson is probably right about being spied on by the NSA…and more trans stories. Nothing about aliens, at least not on the front page.

Conservatives are really afraid of EVERYTHING. They need help for their anxiety but I can’t find anything on the web about how to soothe and calm a MAGAt suffering from loud noises. So, I decided to take the tips for dogs suffering from firework anxiety and apply it to dumbass racist Republican conspiracy theorists. Maybe one of these can keep your MAGAt from scurrying under your bed and piddling. MAGAt piddle is just the worst.

Tip 1: Ask your vet for a sedative. I’m sure any sedative designed for your fur baby will also work on your MAGAt baby. Just don’t be tempted to give them the entire bottle because it’ll sure be nice if you don’t see them for a few days. I understand the temptation. Also, don’t hit them in the head with a hammer, though again, I understand the temptation.

Tip 2: Hold them close and say, “shhhh. It’ll be alright. AOC isn’t coming to get you.” This may not work as nobody wants to hold a MAGAt close to their own body. Ew.

Tip 3: Give them a treat. Raw bacon, waffle fries from Chick-fil-A, a sandwich from Cheesecake Factory, or just a block of raw butter from Cracker Barrell may get them excited long enough not to notice CNN ran a special on the Tulsa Massacre.

Tip 4: Belly rubs. MAGAts love a good belly tickle. But once again, this would mean you have to touch them. Also, most MAGAts are sticky. You’ve been warned.

Tip 5: Tell them you’re trans. They’ll probably jump out the window and you’ll never see them again. That advice wasn’t on the doggy site because people love dogs and want to see them again. Have you ever heard of anyone adopting a lost MAGAt? No, you have not.

Tip 6: Buy your MAGAt a one-way bus trip to Jacksonville and let him be their problem. Jacksonville won’t notice. It’s not like they’ll say, “Hey, have you noticed Jacksonville has been a lot more Jacksonvilley?”

Tip 7: Turn off Fox News. You shouldn’t let your dog watch Fox News either as that’s animal cruelty.

Tip 8: The doggy site says to familiarize your pet to the sounds, but I think if you repeat “Ilhan Omar” too often, your MAGAt may leap into a ceiling fan. But then again, win-win except for the mess. MAGAts are sticky on the inside too…we think. It may just be a lot of coal.

Tip 9: Did I mention the one-way bus ticket to Jacksonville? I did? Never mind.

Tip 10: Distraction: Someone should produce and sell mobiles with Trump’s face on them. If you put that above a MAGAts bed, he may not notice anything else. See if you can work some Benadryl into the baby bottle.

Tip 11: Ball gag.

Tip 12: Get him a Thundershirt. Be warned, they don’t work on everybody. For instance, they don’t work on Beagles. But, Beagles are way smarter than MAGAts and are fooled less easily. You never heard a Beagle bitch about immigration…unless you immigrated a cat into the house. Speaking of cats, there are Thundershirts for cats. Putting a Thundershit on a MAGAt has gotta be a hell of a lot easier than putting a shirt on a cat. Also, thundershirts use velcro, so like a MAGAts shoes, they may be able to put them on by themselves. As I recall though, you had to slide arms in, fold one piece over another, then fold the piece that has the velcro…never mind. It’s way too complicated for a MAGAt and you’re gonna have to help him.

If none of these work, there’s the hammer idea and you can probably get that one-way bus ticket to Jacksonville for about $80.00. Hell, that’s twice the price of a Thundershirt.

Last tip: Stop with the fireworks. What are you, six? Get over it already.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Trust The Science


cjones03012021

One word I’ve always hated in politics is “tolerance.” It seems like a very low bar to get over. Think about it. If you come to a party at my house and I say that I will tolerate your presence, that sounds kinda rude and that there’s something seriously wrong with you. It sounds like I’m tolerating you despite a lot of stuff…and gee whiz, what a great guy I am to tolerate you despite how horrible you are. It’s not so much tolerance we need to strive for as it is acceptance.

But in today’s climate, I’ll accept some tolerance.

The United States House of Representatives passed sweeping legislation yesterday to ban discrimination against people based on sexual orientation and gender identity, delivering a major victory to the LGBTQ community. And in doing so, it exposed the Republican Party for the troglodytes that they are. No, not just in that a majority of them being against “tolerance,” but that basically, the entire party is bigoted.

Yesterday, only three Republicans voted that people should not be discriminated against based on sexual orientation or gender identity. That’s fewer than half it got from Republicans the last time the Equality Act came to the House floor. Yesterday’s vote was an amendment to the historic 1964 Civil Rights Act. Every single member of the Democratic Party voted for it. The Republican Party is going backwards.

“Progress” is another good word. The Republican Party, after four years of being the party of Trump, is regressive.

Another sign the Republican Party is regressive and full of hate is its Qanon member and fucknut lunatic Marjorie Taylor Greene.

To put it simply, and that’s how it should be put so Trump supporters can understand it, Marjorie Taylor Greene is a horrible vile disgusting person. She is a bully. She has claimed school shootings are staged and the survivors are “crisis actors.” There is video, that she took, of her stalking and bullying David Hogg, a survivor of the Parkland school shooting and a gun-control advocate.

Illinois Democratic Representative Marie Newman raised a transgender pride flag outside her office. As it turns out, she’s office neighbors with Marjorie Taylor Greene, whose office, shockingly, is not in a dumpster behind the Capitol. And you thought you had bad neighbors, what with the 20 cars on the street, unchained dogs, blaring ska music, and every time they grill it smells like they’re cooking camel hair. Also, if your neighbor has a Trump sign…I’m so sorry.

Newman posted a video on Twitter of her raising the flag and wrote, “Our neighbor tried to block the Equality Act because she believes prohibiting discrimination against trans Americans is ‘disgusting, immoral, and evil.'” To be fair, Newman trolled her a little bit but it’s something that should only help Greene by being forced to see on a daily basis. Oh no! It’s a flag of many colors. Eeeeeek!

Naturally, Greene fired back.

Newman has a transgender daughter, so what Greene did is bullying. Marjorie Taylor Greene hung a sign outside her office, in a video, that said, “There are TWO genders: Male & Female. Trust The Science!” Yes, Marjorie Taylor Greene, who believes that California wildfires were caused by Jewish space lasers and at times has refused to wear a face mask (and when she has, it’s stated “Trump won,” “Stop the Steal,” or “Biden is useless”), wants you to “trust the science.”

It should be noted that Greene has a lot of free time for extracurricular activities like pursuing her insanity, bullying, and going to Kinko’s for making signs and face masks with hate slogans. Why does a sitting member of Congress have so much free time? Because she has zero committee assignments, having been kicked off them by the majority of the House. Why was she kicked of all her committees? Because she’s a lunatic who has expressed stupid conspiracy theories and endorsed acts of violence against fellow House members. What good is she in Congress without any committee assignments? She’s no good and totally useless as a representative. Her district has a Representative who can’t represent them…unless they want a troll to hang hate signs in the Capitol office buildings. She’s real good at that.

Greene also tweeted a personal attack on her Congressional neighbor stating she refuses to recognize her daughter as a woman, but she does recognize Jewish space lasers.

Greene, who earlier tried to delay the vote on the Equality Act on the silly argument that it infringes on women’s rights and religious freedom (the freedom to be a bigot) is a great example of why this act needs to pass. People can still discriminate by using Greene’s stupid arguments. Mitt Romney, a very moderate Republican Senator, has the same opposition to the Equality Act as lunatic bully Qanon conspiracy theory-champion fucknut Marjorie Taylor Greene. They use the same words and argument of “religious freedom.” We are still in dangerous times for the gay and trans community. Also, stop using your god as an excuse to hate on people, fuckers. It’s weird.

Also, this whole bathroom argument is absurd and it doesn’t work. The argument is that male perverts will pose as women and go into the ladies room and spy on little girls. First, how are we preventing perverts from spying on little boys in the men’s room? Second, you’re not supposed to be peeking at anybody’s stuff in any bathroom no matter what you are. Stop it. Is this something conservatives actively do? Do they walk up next to a guy at the stall and say, “Hey, don’t worry because I’m not trans or gay but I see you have a nice penis there. Rock on.”

Representative Newman gave a speech and said, “I rise today on behalf of the millions of Americans who continue to be denied housing, education, public services and much, much more because they identify as members of the LGBTQ community. Americans like my own daughter, who years ago bravely came out to her parents as transgender. I knew from that day on, my daughter would be living in a nation where [in] most of its states, she could be discriminated against, merely because of who she is.”

Merely because of who she is.

There is more acceptance among the Republican Party for lunatic bully troglodyte Marjorie Taylor Greene than there is for Newman’s daughter. Yesterday, Rand Paul displayed his transphobia during the confirmation hearing for Rachel Levin for the assistant health secretary position, a physician who would be the highest-ranking openly transgender official in government history. Rand Paul was not afraid of revealing his bigotry. Like Greene, he was proud of it. Of course, these are two extreme examples because both Paul and Greene are assholes and nobody likes them.

The Equality Act needs 60 votes to pass in the Senate. In case you lost count, that means the bill needs ten Republicans. But with the likes of Mitt Romney opposing the meausre, it’s in trouble.

Tolerance is in trouble.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Village Idiot


cjones07282017

Wednesday morning, Donald Trump tweeted, “After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow……” And left the nation, “his” generals, and the military waiting for nine minutes before completing the sentence. And yes, he left the nation hanging with “dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.” 

So we were left waiting nine minutes to find out what the military will no longer accept or allow. What could it be? Gays? Women? K-Rations? Scarf wearing single guys who like Maroon 5? None of the above.

Trump is changing the Obama policy of allowing transgender individuals from serving in the military in any capacity. The generals first response to this was, “we were consulted?” As usual, Trump lied. He also wants to change everything Obama implemented. It’s a really good thing the White House had indoor plumbing before the Obama administration or that would be gone now too.

Trump reveres our military and in two more tweets stated, “our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail.” However, they can be burdened by learning about major policy changes through Twitter. Good job, Commander in Chief. What’s next? The Joint Chiefs learning of a nuclear strike via tweet?

Never mind the fact that the military is supportive of transgenders serving in our volunteer services. A study commissioned by the Pentagon says only a fraction of active duty transgender service members were likely to seek medical treatment, resulting in a high-end estimate of an $8.4 million increase in health care costs, or 0.13 percent. The same study estimates that for active duty and reserves, between 2,150 and 10,790 active duty and reserve service members may identify as transgender. That’s out of 1.28 million active duty personnel and a little more than 800,000 in the reserves.

By comparison, the military spends $84 million a year on erectile dysfunction. We spend around $2 million every time the White House dysfunction flies to Mar-a-Lago.

Democrats weren’t alone in opposing this new policy. Several Republicans are opposed to it, including conservative stalwarts like Joni Ernst, Richard Shelby, and Orrin Hatch. Do you realize how difficult it is to be on the right of Orrin Hatch? You’re one step away from wearing a white hood.

The White House couldn’t even explain this new policy. Sarah Huckabee Sanders floundered when asked for details. The Pentagon sent all inquiries to the White House which sent the inquiries back to the Pentagon. Nobody wanted to, or could explain what will happen to transgender people who are currently serving. The White House has better explained the Ivanka shoe collection than any government policy.

Transgenders have been serving in our military and dying for their country for decades. I’ve never met anyone serving in the military, or who had served who didn’t want to bust their ass for their country. Each and every single one wanted to serve their nation and weren’t the types to avoid it by complaining of bone spurs. I don’t recall anyone who joined because it was easy. If it was easy, Donald Trump would have served.

A year ago while campaigning for president, Trump positioned himself as a friend of the LGBT community.

He vowed that he would do more than Democrat Hillary Clinton to protect LGBT people. He defended the rights of Caitlyn Jenner, the country’s most well-known transgender advocate, to use whichever bathroom she wanted in Trump Tower. And he added “Q” to his discussion of the “LGBTQ community” in his Republican National Convention speech to show he was in the know.

“People are people to me, and everyone should be protected,” he told The Washington Post in a May 2016 interview.

So what changed for Trump? First, he needed to shift attention away from his promise that he would repeal and replace Obamacare. What better way to distract from a broken campaign promise by breaking another campaign promise?

Trump also needs to shore up his conservative base because he’s about to seriously piss them off. What better way to remind them that you’re their guy by hating on transgenders? Conservatives really hate transgenders, gay people, lesbians, journalists, teachers, guys with man buns, science, books, etc. They won’t even order bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches anymore because “BLT” sounds too similar to “LGBT.”

How is Trump about to piss off his base? By firing his Attorney General Jeff Sessions. The conservative base loves Sessions as he’s a discriminating-lovin’ kinda guy too. But Trump needs to tell his base that he shares their hate, in case they forget his Vice President is Mike Pence, who advocates for gay-conversion therapy.

The military has a term that really fits this president’s administration. It’s called “fubar.” Under Trump, our government is fucked up beyond all recognition.

Creative notes: I do research the topics I draw and write about. For this, I didn’t just read up on Trump’s new ban. I also read up on the Village People. They’re still around, some form of them anyway (all the bands from your youth are really just cover bands now like Boston, Kiss, Styx, etc.). Yes, the soldier in the Village People is named “Alex.” I hope Alex likes the cartoon.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.