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87,000 Conspiracy Theories

Sometimes I’m asked by people in the real world (like in person and not on social media), “why are you a liberal?”. I’ll also occasionally get, “Why can’t you be conservative?”.

The reason I’m a liberal and I can’t be a conservative is for several reasons. I don’t think cruelty is funny. I have empathy. I care about people who are not myself. I believe we should help each other, and not just ourselves. I don’t think we should be greedy and selfish. I don’t think we should physically hurt people. I believe in democracy and human rights. I believe all people should be treated equally and we should all have the same opportunities. I don’t believe that any child in this country should be allowed to go hungry. I believe in a woman’s right to choose. I don’t believe ten-year-old rape victims should be forced to give birth to rapists’ babies. I don’t believe families should be torn apart or that children should be thrown into dog crates. I like dogs. And, I like the truth.

Republicans can not tell the truth. They can’t advocate any policy without lying. Your average Republican will lie when he says America favors GOP policies over those of Democrats. That’s a huge lie since Republicans have only won the popular vote in a presidential election just once since 1988. In case you’re a Republican, that’s over 30 years. But, the lying gets worse when it comes to defending Donald Trump. I have never ever ever ever ever not once ever heard a MAGAt defend Donald Trump without lying. Never.

I guess what this boils down to is that I can’t be a Republican because I have principles. Republicans don’t have any. Look at Ted Cruz. The issues Republicans can’t claim to hold dear to their hearts anymore are many and include family values, balanced budgets, government spending, patriotism, Jesus, law and order, democracy, national security, corruption, nepotism, sexual assault, classified information, Hillary’s emails, or whatever the fuck is on Hunter Biden’s laptop. They have sacrificed every position they’ve ever held in loyalty to the Trump cult. This brings us back to lying.

The Inflation Reduction Act President Biden just signed tackles healthcare, climate change, and slightly raises taxes on corporations. The only way Republicans can attack this is to lie. If nothing else, maybe it’ll distract midterm voters from the fact Republicans blocked an amendment on a price cap of $35 on insulin. Another reason I can’t be a conservative is that I’m not fucking evil.

One of the lies they’re spreading is that this new law raises taxes on the middle class. It does not and there’s nothing in the bill that says so. Yet, Republicans are going on TV saying it does. Many justify this bullshit by claiming if you raise taxes on corporations, then they’ll raise prices on goods, which is like a tax increase on the middle class. These are the same motherfuckers who refused to see that American consumers pay tariffs when you raise them on foreign products.

But you can’t blame Democrats for greedy corporations raising their prices. You blame greedy corporations. I mean, why were they raising prices before this act passed? Did oil companies eat higher costs over the past several months instead of raising prices on consumers? No. Who are you going to blame for that, Joe Biden? Wait…Republicans did blame Joe Biden.

Another huge lie, which is a doozy, is that the new law will create 87,000 gun-toting IRS agents to go after the middle class with audits. This is a huge lie.

The legislation includes roughly $79 billion for the IRS over 10 years. In case you’re a Republican, ten years is a decade. The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office projects that the enhanced IRS enforcement funded by the law will generate an additional $204 billion in revenue over 10 years. That represents additional taxes that are owed under existing laws, but which go unpaid.

Not all of the new hires, which won’t amount to 87,000, will be auditors. And increased revenue won’t come from people making less than $400,000. In case you’re a Republican, making $400,000 a year makes you way above middle class.

Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen has directed IRS Commissioner Charles Rettig not to use the new funding to increase enforcement of taxpayers earning less than $400,000. In case you’re a Republican, the IRS is a division of the Treasury Department.

Yellen said, “Specifically, I direct that any additional resources, including any new personnel or auditors that are hired, shall not be used to increase the share of small businesses or households below the $400,000 threshold that are audited relative to historical levels.” Yellen wrote in an August 10 letter to Rettig, “This means that, contrary to the misinformation from opponents of this legislation, small business or households earning $400,000 per year or less will not see an increase in the chances that they are audited.”

That doesn’t stop goons from gooning. Ted Cruz claimed “87,000 new IRS agents” will be going after small businesses and non-rich Americans. Cruz said, “And, by the way, these IRS agents aren’t there to go after billionaires. They’re there to go after you. They’re there to go after your small business.”

Maybe we can tax creepiness.

Ted Cruz has no resources for this claim. He just made it up. Speaking of troglodytes talking out of their asses, let’s see what Matt Gaetz had to say.

Gaetz said it was “bizarre” that the IRS bought $700,000 worth of ammunition between March and June 1 of this year, but that amount is the same amount the IRS spent on ammo during the Trump years. Gaetz believes the IRS is buying up all the ammunition it can so normal people won’t have any for when the IRS comes at them with guns blazing during audits.

Personally, I think we should tax people by the size of their foreheads. Fortunately for Matt, I don’t think his income during his upcoming time in prison will be enough to warrant an audit.

That brings us to the lie that there will be 87,000 armed IRS agents. 87,000 is the amount allowed over the next decade for the IRS to hire. It doesn’t mean they will hire that many. They’re not all going to be agents. And, only “special agents” who investigate criminal violations of the tax code are authorized to carry firearms.

And the official Twitter account for the House Judiciary Committee Republicans tweeted, “The IRS is coming for you. The DOJ is coming for you. The FBI is coming for you. No one is safe from political punishment in Joe Biden’s America.”

If you get audited, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that Donald Trump is a criminal who stole government classified documents. The IRS has nothing to do with FBI warrants and searches. But it’s probably true that if you steal classified government documents and store them in your laundry room next to your Swiffer, the DOJ might be coming for you.

The money the IRS is getting is for updates. Over the past decade, the IRS has lost 40 percent of its “complex revenue agents.” These are agents who handle complicated tax returns of large businesses and corporations and go after high-end tax evaders. Over the past decade, Republicans have cut IRS funding. Over the next five years, the IRS is expecting to lose up to 52,000 employees to attrition. This new funding will replace much of that.

The new hires will be educated people who can do math and were educated with the proper textbooks. So, very few will be coming from Florida or Texas.

If the IRS was receiving funds to go after the middle class with no plans to go after rich tax evaders, then Republicans would probably be silent over it. In fact, that’s probably what we’ll get if they take back Congress this November.

The fact is, Republicans care more about the rich than the middle class. Donald Trump’s only legislative accomplishment was giving himself and other asshole billionaires “permanent” tax cuts. They gave them to the middle class too to show they care…but those tax cuts were NOT permanent.

Anytime Republicans claim they care about you, it’s just another lie. And when they send out people like Ted Cruz and Matt Gaetz to state their positions, then you know they’re lying. But then again, it’s hard to find non-goons in the GOP.

The Republican Party lies because it’s all they have.

Music note: I listened to Radiohead.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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The Madison Cawthorn Horror Picture Show

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Madison Cawthorn is one of those Republican assholes who champions toxic masculinity. One of his major concerns as a United States congressman, other than pushing debunked conspiracy theories, is the ongoing threat to masculinity. He’s expressed public concern that men aren’t manly enough. He’s probably a big fan of Tucker Carlson’s ball-tanning theory.

Last year, Madison Cawthorn said, “our culture today is trying to completely de-masculate (sic) all of the young men they don’t want people who are going to stand up”.
Calling out to mothers, who he said are the “most vicious” conservatives, “If you are raising a young man, please raise them to be a monster”.
Cawthorn accused liberal politicians of “trying to make everyone genderless, sexless, and just absolutely Godless”, and declared Americans “want our culture back, and if you want to stand in the way of that, we will run you over.”

On the floor of the House, Cawthorn accused Democrats of waging a “war on biology,” saying, “Your left-wing movement is forcing children to endure radical expressions of sexuality. And yet, you can’t even define what a woman is. You might amend the bill, but you’ll never amend biology.”

In a podcast, he said, “I think that we have bred a generation of soft men and that generation has created a lot of problems in our society and our culture designed to reclaim and restore masculinity in a society that is ever more dismissive of what it means to be a man.”

I would totally respect Madison Cawthorn if he had made any of those statements while wearing lingerie.

There’s nothing wrong with being a cross-dresser. It doesn’t freak me out nearly as much as Civil War reenactors. Being a cross-dresser is not a sign of your sexual affiliation. You can be straight or gay as a cross-dresser. Though you may not fit the conventional image, you can be as manly as the next guy, even if you’re a cross-dresser. I don’t care if you do that. You do you and more power to you for it. I respect people who are who they want to be. What I don’t respect are hypocrites.

Photos have emerged of Madison Cawthorn wearing lingerie at what appears to be a party, though I’m sure it’s not one of those “orgies” he claimed Washington Republicans have been inviting him to.

Politico, the news outlet that obtained the photos, said it couldn’t verify the legitimacy, but Cawthorn sent out a tweet that did.

Cawthorn tweeted, “I guess the left thinks goofy vacation photos during a game on a cruise (taken waaay before I ran for Congress) is going to somehow hurt me? They’re running out of things to throw at me… Share your most embarrassing vacay pics in the replies.”

Cawthorn is blaming the “left” for finding the photos and he’s trying to change the subject. It’s like saying, “Yeah, that’s me wearing women’s panties in that picture but speaking of pictures, did you see that Bears game last night?”

The hypocrisy here is that in his campaign to be the youngest and stupidest member of Congress, he has championed himself as the Christian candidate. Politico wrote that he “has staked his political persona on arch-traditional Christian principles and the insistence of the importance of a kind of hypermasculinity.”

Madison is talking too much about masculinity the same way Tucker’s talking too much about testicles. There’s nothing wrong with that, but don’t claim you’re a champion of heterosexuality then try to have a two-hour conversation with your best friend about ball sacks. The extent of one man talking to another about testicles shouldn’t last longer than saying, “how’s it hanging?” That’s a rhetorical question, by the way.

This is just another embarrassing reason for Republicans to ditch Cawthorn, which is something they want to do. The Republican Party wants Madison Cawthorn defeated and out of Congress. He’s from a conservative district in North Carolina so their numbers in the House won’t be threatened. Plus, Ron DeSantis is drawing congressional maps that will more than make up the loss of Cawthorn’s seat if it actually does go to a Democrat.

But while the Qanon fucknut base loves Madison, as he’s fed their crazy conspiracies about election fraud and pedophiles, the party leadership wants him out and they’re putting money into it.

A super PAC affiliated with North Carolina Senator Thom Tillis just dumped over $300,000 into a new ad targeting Cawthorn titled, “Madison Cawthorn’s Lies.” The video calls Cawthorn an “attention-seeking embarrassment” to the Republican Party. It goes on to say, “Madison Cawthorn lies for the limelight,” and “Cawthorn will lie about anything.” This is from his own party.

Madison is an embarrassment on the same level as Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and Matt Gaetz, who may have given Cawthorn the lingerie as a gift. They kinda have their own little caucus of right-wing flame throwers engaged in conspiracy theories while having no interest in actual legislation. In fact, Cawthorn told his Republican colleagues he’d rather be a messenger than a legislator writing, “I have built my staff around comms rather than legislation.”

But stuff like visiting Hitler’s vacation home, referring to him as the “Fuhrer,” and saying it was something on his bucket list might appeal to the goose-steppers who attacked the Capitol for Trump, but it’s not the attention the leadership wants. Neither does creating a website attacking a journalist by accusing him of leaving academia “to work for non-white males, like Cory Booker, who aims to ruin white males running for office.” Calling Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky a “thug” at the start of Russia’s invasion doesn’t help either. But what probably pushed Republicans like Thom Tillis over the edge were the orgy claims.

Last month, Cawthorn went on a podcast and talked about “the sexual perversion that goes on in Washington.” He claimed he’s been invited to Washington orgies and has even seen lawmakers snort cocaine. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and Minority Whip Steve Scalise met with Cawthorn for a private scolding. McCarthy later told reporters that Cawthorn admitted to him and Scalise that he had lied. McCarthy said, “He changes what he tells and that’s not becoming of a congressman. He did not tell the truth and that’s unacceptable.” McCarthy said he had told Cawthorn that “He’s lost my trust. He’s going to have to earn it back.”

McCarthy also claimed to his colleagues he told Donald Trump that he bore responsibility for the white nationalist terrorist attack on the Capitol and that Trump had accepted it, and then later claimed no such conversation ever happened before audio recordings revealed he did tell his colleagues that.

Cawthorn is a liar, but so is McCarthy. None of these goons have my trust.

Republicans don’t mind if you lie. They only mind if you lie about the wrong things. It’s almost as bad as telling the truth. They hate that.

Being a cross-dresser might be the one redeeming value of Madison Cawthorn. Everything else about the guy is vile horse excrement that even flies avoid and his constituents should want better. If they continue to vote for this slime in lingerie and wheels, they don’t deserve better.

Cross-dressing is fine, but don’t talk about a “war on biology” and your manly manliness while wearing your mom’s panties.

Creative note: I actually learned about this issue from yesterday’s blog. One of you guys left a comment surprised that I didn’t do a cartoon on it. First, I published yesterday’s blog before Politico reported the story. Second, thank you. Do you know how often I learn of news from the comments? Never. Sure, I would have heard of this sometime today, but it was nice to get a jump on it.

Music Note: I was watching CNN while drawing this so no cartoon music today. However, I did have “Sweet Transvestite” from the Rocky Horror Picture Show stuck in my head during this. I actually went to a showing of Rocky Horror back in the 80s. No, I didn’t dress up.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Canning Caitlyn On The Can

I did something weird last night. I watched Fox News. More specifically, I watched Tucker Carlson. Granted, it was only for about five minutes, with three of those probably being commercials. But still, I watched Fox News.

I have YouTube TV and when I scroll through the channels, the first ones that pop up are those I frequent the most, like CNN, MSNBC, BBC…and yeah…that’s about it except during football season. That’s not all I watch as I also have streaming services, but yeah…on actual television, I mostly only watch news shows. So it actually took some scrolling before I could even find Fox News. And when I found it, it was time for Tucker.

I jumped in while Tucker was talking to some goon about “wokeness” and the damage it was having on the nation, how Democrats were going to pay dearly for it, and how it’s just a bunch of fear-mongering from the left as striking fear into people is all the left has. Tucker, who’s spent years warning on the danger of the Great Replacement theory kept a straight face during this discussion about using fear tactics.

Then, Tucker was about to go to commercials but promised when he came back, he’d give a report on CNN finally admitting Hunter Biden’s laptop is a thing. So after sitting through commercials for prostate medication and buying gold and silver, Tucker came back and delivered on his promise to expose CNN and make them look like hypocrites. Tucker explained he was going to show clips of CNN attacking the reports on Hunter’s laptop and then show more recent clips of CNN finally realizing the legitimacy of Hunter’s laptop. Tucker had to explain to his viewers that’s what they were seeing because it’s not what he showed.

What he showed was an old clip of a CNN anchor talking about how Rudy Giuliani can’t be trusted for information and that the right is using Russian propaganda. He then showed a recent clip of another CNN anchor talking about the investigation into Hunter Biden. Neither clip mentioned the laptop. But, Tucker was there to tell us they talked about the laptop they weren’t talking about.

During the few minutes I watched, Tucker never talked about the importance or relevance of this laptop. If you actually pay attention, conservative media has not been telling you anything specific about the laptop that makes it criminal or evil. It’s legal to own a laptop. Good people own laptops. Churches have laptops. Why I bet even people at Fox News own laptops. So, what is it then? Oh, the emails on Hunter’s laptop. What do they say?

The emails conservative media use are “purported” to come from a laptop owned by Hunter Biden until he abandoned it at a computer repair store. For some reason, Hunter Biden had a computer full of evidence that will send him to prison, so he abandoned it for Rudy Giuliani to pick up and expose him. So much about this does not pass the sniff test. And trust me, you don’t want to sniff Giuliani. But, all the emails show is that Hunter was arranging meetings with his business dealings in Ukraine and mentioned his father here and there. Not only do the emails not show any criminal connections to the president, but they don’t display any criminal activity by Hunter Biden. The big news here is that there’s a laptop that might have once belonged to Hunter Biden.

The fact is, there is an investigation of Hunter Biden, but not about his laptop. It’s about his taxes. Now Fox News and conservative media want to focus on someone who doesn’t pay their taxes? Really? Also, if you hate someone for using their political connections for shady business in Ukraine and Russia, maybe talk to Donald Trump. Didn’t he run a beauty pageant in Russia? Didn’t he try to build a Trump Tower in Moscow? Didn’t he try to extort the president of Ukraine? Of course, none of that is as criminal as Hunter Biden having a laptop and an email account.

And if we’re going to send people to prison for using an elected office to grift and profit, then I’m all for sending Hunter Biden to prison as long as he has a lot of company.

Maybe Tucker did talk about the relevance of the laptop but I wouldn’t know because I had to change the channel. Kash Patel, a Trump goon with scary crazy eyes, was coming on to talk about the laptop and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach the bullshit. But, I see why people fall for Fox’s gaslighting and lies. It’s an art. Tucker shows clips of people talking about something and he tells his stupid audience they just watched something else. Fox News is not good at the specifics and details of a story. How could he be lying about it when he’s so outraged? Would a guy endorsed by prostate medication and shitty pillows lie to you?

And I didn’t even find what I was looking for as the reason I watched the network in the first place was to see Caitlyn Jenner’s first appearance on Fox News after being hired as a correspondent.

I heard she was going to be on either Tucker or Sean Hannity’s program…and I get those racist gaslighters confused. All conservative racist goony white guys look alike, amiright? As it turns out, she was on Hannity’s show at nine, but I couldn’t flip back over and watch more Fox News. Fives minutes every six months is about all I can take and I didn’t want to have to take two showers in one night.

I did read about Caitlyn’s appearance on Hannity and as it turned out, he only asked her two questions, and no. One of them wasn’t about which bathroom in the building she was going to use.

Fox News hired Caitlyn to be a “trailblazer” for the network but in reality, they hired a trans person who is transphobic. It’s like when they hire a black person who hates black people and votes for a racist like Donald Trump. My black friends says it’s OK for me to be a racist. Now, you have a friend who says it’s OK to hate trans people.

Caitlyn, a Republican, is trans and supports the bigoted “Don’t say gay” bill in Florida. She’s also against a trans swimmer competing with women. Yesterday was Transgender Day of Visibility, so Caitlyn went on Hannity which would be like a black person going on Tucker’s show to celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Caitlyn pushed all the right buttons to get this job where she’ll only be asked two questions per appearance. During a February appearance on Hannity, she said, “We are living in such a woke world right now, I can’t even figure it out.” 

Where else but on Fox News can you find a trans person complaining about living in a “woke” world? Maybe in six months, I’ll change the channel again.

Good luck finding the restrooms, Caitlyn.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Nuclear Outrage

Good lord, what is it now?

Fox News is in the business of scaring fragile white people. President Barack Obama once said that if he watched Fox News then he’d probably hate President Obama too.

White conservatives are afraid of any change, especially if that change is a threat to their white privilege. They’ve even created a conspiracy theory, pushed by Tucker, called the “Great Replacement Theory,” where liberals are using immigrants to replace people of European ethnicity. And none of those immigrants are going to ever say “Merry Christmas.”

But what the hell are they reporting about Hunter Biden’s laptop while never telling us what’s on it? Sure, The New York Times acknowledged there’s a laptop that Rudy Giuliani claims belongs to Hunter, but we still don’t have any real dirt.

Last week, a college trans swimmer won a women’s competition. This has been covered on actual news outlets, but it’s not the lead it is over at Fucknut TV. Republicans are so outraged by this you’d think they came home to find a trans swimmer in their bathtub corrupting their rubber ducky. He’s seen too much!

Florida’s goon governor, Ron DeSantis, even took time off from signing hate legislation and screaming at children for wearing face masks, that he signed a proclamation declaring the woman who came in second in the swim competition as the actual winner. I wonder if Sidney Powell has notarized it yet.

Republican elected officials are putting more effort into frivolous culture war issues than they are putting into performing their actual jobs, from DeSantis’ hate legislation to Marsha Blackburn asking Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson to “define” women, to Ted Cruz wasting everyone’s time on Critical Race Theory and “racist babies.” It’s like there are no more adults in the GOP or on conservative TV.

Fox News spends a good chunk of its time complaining about the mainstream media, but guess what, Kitty Cat. Fox News is the ratings leader, something conservatives are very proud of but, that makes Fox News the mainstream media.

So, most “news” watchers in this country are being outraged by wokeness, the Great Replacement Theory, the War on Christmas, Critical Race Theory, the 1619 Project, trans swimmers, trans Potato Heads, George Soros, Italian Sattelites changing ballots in Dominion voting machines, convoy truckers’ freedom being taken away, bamboo ballots, Hillary Clinton, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and the rest of the “squad,” a black female vice president, a black female Supreme Court Justice, Jussie Smollett, socialist face masks, vaccines with microchips, the WAP song, unsexy M&Ms, Dr. Seuss being canceled, the election stolen from Trump, the gay “agenda,” cancel culture, the federal deficit (only when we have a Democratic president), the “Russia hoax,” Dr. Fauci doing his job, and Hunter Biden’s laptop. What did I leave out?

Here’s a new guideline: If Fox News reports it, then you probably don’t have to be upset over it.

Music Note: I listened to the Wallflowers and Toad the Wet Sprocket.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Scaredy MAGAts

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In the comments under yesterday’s cartoon on Instagram, I was called a “libtard.” I didn’t think it was that special though it’s been a while since someone has hurled that bigoted and ignorant insult in my direction. And I didn’t just get it once. I got it four times. It amused me so I tweeted about it…which lead to me being called the word about 17 more more times on Twitter.

First off, to the liberals who replied that I should throw it back at them with something like “Trumptard,” you’re missing the point. We don’t sink to their level and you don’t fight bigotry with bigotry. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll be more direct: Don’t use the word, “tard.” Don’t justify it.

Normally, goons call me something like “snowflake.” They think that’s clever. It’s been over four years but that still gets chuckles from them. I love that they use that word, because it’s another example of conservative projection. You see, conservatives are cowards to the point they’re afraid of tiny little thing, like a gay player in the NFL, to the “WAP” song, to losing their white privilege, and to things that don’t even exist, like Jewish Space Lasers.

For example: Republicans have been screaming about communism and Sharia law for years, yet it hasn’t happened here. Another example of projection is their campaigning for their own version of Sharia law.

And if you don’t believe me that Republicans are huge cowards and are constantly snowflaking about shit, just turn on Tucker. He cries about everything and especially if it’s stuff that doesn’t exist. He is the center of the cowardly universe for Republicans who tune in nightly to see what they should be afraid of tomorrow.

This July 4th, fireworks may send your sweet doggy hiding underneath your bed out of fear and anxiety, but Bowser ain’t got nothing on Tucker. Tucker probably sleeps under his bed every night, and unlike in this cartoon, he probably takes the Trumpy Bear with him. And, if you have named your dog after Tucker, that is animal cruelty.

Right now, Republicans have so much to be afraid of that will never hurt them. Stuff like Critical Race Theory, Jewish Space Lasers, Italian satellites, Chinese bamboo ballots, Levar Burton hosting Jeopardy!, gay football players, Ilhan Omar, Nancy Pelosi, Kamala Harris, Hilary Clinton, Sandra Fluke (let’s bring her back), Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (women in general), Juneteenth, trans athletes (this is the hot one for the moment), taking down Confederate statues, Black Lives Matter, Antifa, woke generals, and me. Actually, I’m the only one you should be afraid of and I’m coming to getcha.

When I started this cartoon, I already had some of these topics in my head…but I needed to be reminded what else they’re afraid of, which forced me to look at some stuff I didn’t want to look at.

Lately, I’ve been trying to cut negativity out of my life. That means no looking at Trumper pages on social media, no looking at conservative political cartoons, and no watching Fox News, which I never do anyway. But, to see the current fears, I had to go look at some. It was either that or call one of my MAGAt sisters. No thanks!

First thing I did was check out the Facebook page of one cartoonist, who is not my friend, but is afraid of everything and is always posting about it. He’s on the pulse of right-wing bullshit which can come in helpful for research. Right now his main fears are the vaccine, trans people, and President Biden whispering. He’s also afraid of having his white privilege taken away and it’s obvious he hates black people. He also has a weird Led Zeppelin fetish. It is weird for a 60-year-old man to post 18 shirtless-Robert Plant pictures a day, right?

Then I looked at some cartoons from a bunch of them and…HOLY SHIT!!!!! Did you hear about this trans thing? Apparently, they’re going to shower with us, win beauty pageants, and steal gold medals at the Olympics. This is a major crisis in conservative media. Also, they’re never watching the NFL again…again.

And then, I did what I really didn’t want to do. I went to Breitbart. Ugh. Breitbart used to, and maybe they still do, have an entire section devoted to “black on black crime.” It’s like the racist section but they couldn’t call it the “racist” section. Today’s headlines at the Breitbart include scary stories about trans people, black people, CNN, Critical Race Theory, Biden eating ice cream (that sonofabitch!), gays, more trans people, another Critical Race Theory story, covid this and covid that, immigrants, more trans people, more Critical Race Theory, more immigrants, more black people, more trans people, Critical Race Theory again, and Tucker Carlson is probably right about being spied on by the NSA…and more trans stories. Nothing about aliens, at least not on the front page.

Conservatives are really afraid of EVERYTHING. They need help for their anxiety but I can’t find anything on the web about how to soothe and calm a MAGAt suffering from loud noises. So, I decided to take the tips for dogs suffering from firework anxiety and apply it to dumbass racist Republican conspiracy theorists. Maybe one of these can keep your MAGAt from scurrying under your bed and piddling. MAGAt piddle is just the worst.

Tip 1: Ask your vet for a sedative. I’m sure any sedative designed for your fur baby will also work on your MAGAt baby. Just don’t be tempted to give them the entire bottle because it’ll sure be nice if you don’t see them for a few days. I understand the temptation. Also, don’t hit them in the head with a hammer, though again, I understand the temptation.

Tip 2: Hold them close and say, “shhhh. It’ll be alright. AOC isn’t coming to get you.” This may not work as nobody wants to hold a MAGAt close to their own body. Ew.

Tip 3: Give them a treat. Raw bacon, waffle fries from Chick-fil-A, a sandwich from Cheesecake Factory, or just a block of raw butter from Cracker Barrell may get them excited long enough not to notice CNN ran a special on the Tulsa Massacre.

Tip 4: Belly rubs. MAGAts love a good belly tickle. But once again, this would mean you have to touch them. Also, most MAGAts are sticky. You’ve been warned.

Tip 5: Tell them you’re trans. They’ll probably jump out the window and you’ll never see them again. That advice wasn’t on the doggy site because people love dogs and want to see them again. Have you ever heard of anyone adopting a lost MAGAt? No, you have not.

Tip 6: Buy your MAGAt a one-way bus trip to Jacksonville and let him be their problem. Jacksonville won’t notice. It’s not like they’ll say, “Hey, have you noticed Jacksonville has been a lot more Jacksonvilley?”

Tip 7: Turn off Fox News. You shouldn’t let your dog watch Fox News either as that’s animal cruelty.

Tip 8: The doggy site says to familiarize your pet to the sounds, but I think if you repeat “Ilhan Omar” too often, your MAGAt may leap into a ceiling fan. But then again, win-win except for the mess. MAGAts are sticky on the inside too…we think. It may just be a lot of coal.

Tip 9: Did I mention the one-way bus ticket to Jacksonville? I did? Never mind.

Tip 10: Distraction: Someone should produce and sell mobiles with Trump’s face on them. If you put that above a MAGAts bed, he may not notice anything else. See if you can work some Benadryl into the baby bottle.

Tip 11: Ball gag.

Tip 12: Get him a Thundershirt. Be warned, they don’t work on everybody. For instance, they don’t work on Beagles. But, Beagles are way smarter than MAGAts and are fooled less easily. You never heard a Beagle bitch about immigration…unless you immigrated a cat into the house. Speaking of cats, there are Thundershirts for cats. Putting a Thundershit on a MAGAt has gotta be a hell of a lot easier than putting a shirt on a cat. Also, thundershirts use velcro, so like a MAGAts shoes, they may be able to put them on by themselves. As I recall though, you had to slide arms in, fold one piece over another, then fold the piece that has the velcro…never mind. It’s way too complicated for a MAGAt and you’re gonna have to help him.

If none of these work, there’s the hammer idea and you can probably get that one-way bus ticket to Jacksonville for about $80.00. Hell, that’s twice the price of a Thundershirt.

Last tip: Stop with the fireworks. What are you, six? Get over it already.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trust The Science

cjones03012021

One word I’ve always hated in politics is “tolerance.” It seems like a very low bar to get over. Think about it. If you come to a party at my house and I say that I will tolerate your presence, that sounds kinda rude and that there’s something seriously wrong with you. It sounds like I’m tolerating you despite a lot of stuff…and gee whiz, what a great guy I am to tolerate you despite how horrible you are. It’s not so much tolerance we need to strive for as it is acceptance.

But in today’s climate, I’ll accept some tolerance.

The United States House of Representatives passed sweeping legislation yesterday to ban discrimination against people based on sexual orientation and gender identity, delivering a major victory to the LGBTQ community. And in doing so, it exposed the Republican Party for the troglodytes that they are. No, not just in that a majority of them being against “tolerance,” but that basically, the entire party is bigoted.

Yesterday, only three Republicans voted that people should not be discriminated against based on sexual orientation or gender identity. That’s fewer than half it got from Republicans the last time the Equality Act came to the House floor. Yesterday’s vote was an amendment to the historic 1964 Civil Rights Act. Every single member of the Democratic Party voted for it. The Republican Party is going backwards.

“Progress” is another good word. The Republican Party, after four years of being the party of Trump, is regressive.

Another sign the Republican Party is regressive and full of hate is its Qanon member and fucknut lunatic Marjorie Taylor Greene.

To put it simply, and that’s how it should be put so Trump supporters can understand it, Marjorie Taylor Greene is a horrible vile disgusting person. She is a bully. She has claimed school shootings are staged and the survivors are “crisis actors.” There is video, that she took, of her stalking and bullying David Hogg, a survivor of the Parkland school shooting and a gun-control advocate.

Illinois Democratic Representative Marie Newman raised a transgender pride flag outside her office. As it turns out, she’s office neighbors with Marjorie Taylor Greene, whose office, shockingly, is not in a dumpster behind the Capitol. And you thought you had bad neighbors, what with the 20 cars on the street, unchained dogs, blaring ska music, and every time they grill it smells like they’re cooking camel hair. Also, if your neighbor has a Trump sign…I’m so sorry.

Newman posted a video on Twitter of her raising the flag and wrote, “Our neighbor tried to block the Equality Act because she believes prohibiting discrimination against trans Americans is ‘disgusting, immoral, and evil.'” To be fair, Newman trolled her a little bit but it’s something that should only help Greene by being forced to see on a daily basis. Oh no! It’s a flag of many colors. Eeeeeek!

Naturally, Greene fired back.

Newman has a transgender daughter, so what Greene did is bullying. Marjorie Taylor Greene hung a sign outside her office, in a video, that said, “There are TWO genders: Male & Female. Trust The Science!” Yes, Marjorie Taylor Greene, who believes that California wildfires were caused by Jewish space lasers and at times has refused to wear a face mask (and when she has, it’s stated “Trump won,” “Stop the Steal,” or “Biden is useless”), wants you to “trust the science.”

It should be noted that Greene has a lot of free time for extracurricular activities like pursuing her insanity, bullying, and going to Kinko’s for making signs and face masks with hate slogans. Why does a sitting member of Congress have so much free time? Because she has zero committee assignments, having been kicked off them by the majority of the House. Why was she kicked of all her committees? Because she’s a lunatic who has expressed stupid conspiracy theories and endorsed acts of violence against fellow House members. What good is she in Congress without any committee assignments? She’s no good and totally useless as a representative. Her district has a Representative who can’t represent them…unless they want a troll to hang hate signs in the Capitol office buildings. She’s real good at that.

Greene also tweeted a personal attack on her Congressional neighbor stating she refuses to recognize her daughter as a woman, but she does recognize Jewish space lasers.

Greene, who earlier tried to delay the vote on the Equality Act on the silly argument that it infringes on women’s rights and religious freedom (the freedom to be a bigot) is a great example of why this act needs to pass. People can still discriminate by using Greene’s stupid arguments. Mitt Romney, a very moderate Republican Senator, has the same opposition to the Equality Act as lunatic bully Qanon conspiracy theory-champion fucknut Marjorie Taylor Greene. They use the same words and argument of “religious freedom.” We are still in dangerous times for the gay and trans community. Also, stop using your god as an excuse to hate on people, fuckers. It’s weird.

Also, this whole bathroom argument is absurd and it doesn’t work. The argument is that male perverts will pose as women and go into the ladies room and spy on little girls. First, how are we preventing perverts from spying on little boys in the men’s room? Second, you’re not supposed to be peeking at anybody’s stuff in any bathroom no matter what you are. Stop it. Is this something conservatives actively do? Do they walk up next to a guy at the stall and say, “Hey, don’t worry because I’m not trans or gay but I see you have a nice penis there. Rock on.”

Representative Newman gave a speech and said, “I rise today on behalf of the millions of Americans who continue to be denied housing, education, public services and much, much more because they identify as members of the LGBTQ community. Americans like my own daughter, who years ago bravely came out to her parents as transgender. I knew from that day on, my daughter would be living in a nation where [in] most of its states, she could be discriminated against, merely because of who she is.”

Merely because of who she is.

There is more acceptance among the Republican Party for lunatic bully troglodyte Marjorie Taylor Greene than there is for Newman’s daughter. Yesterday, Rand Paul displayed his transphobia during the confirmation hearing for Rachel Levin for the assistant health secretary position, a physician who would be the highest-ranking openly transgender official in government history. Rand Paul was not afraid of revealing his bigotry. Like Greene, he was proud of it. Of course, these are two extreme examples because both Paul and Greene are assholes and nobody likes them.

The Equality Act needs 60 votes to pass in the Senate. In case you lost count, that means the bill needs ten Republicans. But with the likes of Mitt Romney opposing the meausre, it’s in trouble.

Tolerance is in trouble.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Village Idiot

cjones07282017

Wednesday morning, Donald Trump tweeted, “After consultation with my Generals and military experts, please be advised that the United States Government will not accept or allow……” And left the nation, “his” generals, and the military waiting for nine minutes before completing the sentence. And yes, he left the nation hanging with “dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.” 

So we were left waiting nine minutes to find out what the military will no longer accept or allow. What could it be? Gays? Women? K-Rations? Scarf wearing single guys who like Maroon 5? None of the above.

Trump is changing the Obama policy of allowing transgender individuals from serving in the military in any capacity. The generals first response to this was, “we were consulted?” As usual, Trump lied. He also wants to change everything Obama implemented. It’s a really good thing the White House had indoor plumbing before the Obama administration or that would be gone now too.

Trump reveres our military and in two more tweets stated, “our military must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that transgender in the military would entail.” However, they can be burdened by learning about major policy changes through Twitter. Good job, Commander in Chief. What’s next? The Joint Chiefs learning of a nuclear strike via tweet?

Never mind the fact that the military is supportive of transgenders serving in our volunteer services. A study commissioned by the Pentagon says only a fraction of active duty transgender service members were likely to seek medical treatment, resulting in a high-end estimate of an $8.4 million increase in health care costs, or 0.13 percent. The same study estimates that for active duty and reserves, between 2,150 and 10,790 active duty and reserve service members may identify as transgender. That’s out of 1.28 million active duty personnel and a little more than 800,000 in the reserves.

By comparison, the military spends $84 million a year on erectile dysfunction. We spend around $2 million every time the White House dysfunction flies to Mar-a-Lago.

Democrats weren’t alone in opposing this new policy. Several Republicans are opposed to it, including conservative stalwarts like Joni Ernst, Richard Shelby, and Orrin Hatch. Do you realize how difficult it is to be on the right of Orrin Hatch? You’re one step away from wearing a white hood.

The White House couldn’t even explain this new policy. Sarah Huckabee Sanders floundered when asked for details. The Pentagon sent all inquiries to the White House which sent the inquiries back to the Pentagon. Nobody wanted to, or could explain what will happen to transgender people who are currently serving. The White House has better explained the Ivanka shoe collection than any government policy.

Transgenders have been serving in our military and dying for their country for decades. I’ve never met anyone serving in the military, or who had served who didn’t want to bust their ass for their country. Each and every single one wanted to serve their nation and weren’t the types to avoid it by complaining of bone spurs. I don’t recall anyone who joined because it was easy. If it was easy, Donald Trump would have served.

A year ago while campaigning for president, Trump positioned himself as a friend of the LGBT community.

He vowed that he would do more than Democrat Hillary Clinton to protect LGBT people. He defended the rights of Caitlyn Jenner, the country’s most well-known transgender advocate, to use whichever bathroom she wanted in Trump Tower. And he added “Q” to his discussion of the “LGBTQ community” in his Republican National Convention speech to show he was in the know.

“People are people to me, and everyone should be protected,” he told The Washington Post in a May 2016 interview.

So what changed for Trump? First, he needed to shift attention away from his promise that he would repeal and replace Obamacare. What better way to distract from a broken campaign promise by breaking another campaign promise?

Trump also needs to shore up his conservative base because he’s about to seriously piss them off. What better way to remind them that you’re their guy by hating on transgenders? Conservatives really hate transgenders, gay people, lesbians, journalists, teachers, guys with man buns, science, books, etc. They won’t even order bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches anymore because “BLT” sounds too similar to “LGBT.”

How is Trump about to piss off his base? By firing his Attorney General Jeff Sessions. The conservative base loves Sessions as he’s a discriminating-lovin’ kinda guy too. But Trump needs to tell his base that he shares their hate, in case they forget his Vice President is Mike Pence, who advocates for gay-conversion therapy.

The military has a term that really fits this president’s administration. It’s called “fubar.” Under Trump, our government is fucked up beyond all recognition.

Creative notes: I do research the topics I draw and write about. For this, I didn’t just read up on Trump’s new ban. I also read up on the Village People. They’re still around, some form of them anyway (all the bands from your youth are really just cover bands now like Boston, Kiss, Styx, etc.). Yes, the soldier in the Village People is named “Alex.” I hope Alex likes the cartoon.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.