I did something weird last night. I watched Fox News. More specifically, I watched Tucker Carlson. Granted, it was only for about five minutes, with three of those probably being commercials. But still, I watched Fox News.

I have YouTube TV and when I scroll through the channels, the first ones that pop up are those I frequent the most, like CNN, MSNBC, BBC…and yeah…that’s about it except during football season. That’s not all I watch as I also have streaming services, but yeah…on actual television, I mostly only watch news shows. So it actually took some scrolling before I could even find Fox News. And when I found it, it was time for Tucker.

I jumped in while Tucker was talking to some goon about “wokeness” and the damage it was having on the nation, how Democrats were going to pay dearly for it, and how it’s just a bunch of fear-mongering from the left as striking fear into people is all the left has. Tucker, who’s spent years warning on the danger of the Great Replacement theory kept a straight face during this discussion about using fear tactics.

Then, Tucker was about to go to commercials but promised when he came back, he’d give a report on CNN finally admitting Hunter Biden’s laptop is a thing. So after sitting through commercials for prostate medication and buying gold and silver, Tucker came back and delivered on his promise to expose CNN and make them look like hypocrites. Tucker explained he was going to show clips of CNN attacking the reports on Hunter’s laptop and then show more recent clips of CNN finally realizing the legitimacy of Hunter’s laptop. Tucker had to explain to his viewers that’s what they were seeing because it’s not what he showed.

What he showed was an old clip of a CNN anchor talking about how Rudy Giuliani can’t be trusted for information and that the right is using Russian propaganda. He then showed a recent clip of another CNN anchor talking about the investigation into Hunter Biden. Neither clip mentioned the laptop. But, Tucker was there to tell us they talked about the laptop they weren’t talking about.

During the few minutes I watched, Tucker never talked about the importance or relevance of this laptop. If you actually pay attention, conservative media has not been telling you anything specific about the laptop that makes it criminal or evil. It’s legal to own a laptop. Good people own laptops. Churches have laptops. Why I bet even people at Fox News own laptops. So, what is it then? Oh, the emails on Hunter’s laptop. What do they say?

The emails conservative media use are “purported” to come from a laptop owned by Hunter Biden until he abandoned it at a computer repair store. For some reason, Hunter Biden had a computer full of evidence that will send him to prison, so he abandoned it for Rudy Giuliani to pick up and expose him. So much about this does not pass the sniff test. And trust me, you don’t want to sniff Giuliani. But, all the emails show is that Hunter was arranging meetings with his business dealings in Ukraine and mentioned his father here and there. Not only do the emails not show any criminal connections to the president, but they don’t display any criminal activity by Hunter Biden. The big news here is that there’s a laptop that might have once belonged to Hunter Biden.

The fact is, there is an investigation of Hunter Biden, but not about his laptop. It’s about his taxes. Now Fox News and conservative media want to focus on someone who doesn’t pay their taxes? Really? Also, if you hate someone for using their political connections for shady business in Ukraine and Russia, maybe talk to Donald Trump. Didn’t he run a beauty pageant in Russia? Didn’t he try to build a Trump Tower in Moscow? Didn’t he try to extort the president of Ukraine? Of course, none of that is as criminal as Hunter Biden having a laptop and an email account.

And if we’re going to send people to prison for using an elected office to grift and profit, then I’m all for sending Hunter Biden to prison as long as he has a lot of company.

Maybe Tucker did talk about the relevance of the laptop but I wouldn’t know because I had to change the channel. Kash Patel, a Trump goon with scary crazy eyes, was coming on to talk about the laptop and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach the bullshit. But, I see why people fall for Fox’s gaslighting and lies. It’s an art. Tucker shows clips of people talking about something and he tells his stupid audience they just watched something else. Fox News is not good at the specifics and details of a story. How could he be lying about it when he’s so outraged? Would a guy endorsed by prostate medication and shitty pillows lie to you?

And I didn’t even find what I was looking for as the reason I watched the network in the first place was to see Caitlyn Jenner’s first appearance on Fox News after being hired as a correspondent.

I heard she was going to be on either Tucker or Sean Hannity’s program…and I get those racist gaslighters confused. All conservative racist goony white guys look alike, amiright? As it turns out, she was on Hannity’s show at nine, but I couldn’t flip back over and watch more Fox News. Fives minutes every six months is about all I can take and I didn’t want to have to take two showers in one night.

I did read about Caitlyn’s appearance on Hannity and as it turned out, he only asked her two questions, and no. One of them wasn’t about which bathroom in the building she was going to use.

Fox News hired Caitlyn to be a “trailblazer” for the network but in reality, they hired a trans person who is transphobic. It’s like when they hire a black person who hates black people and votes for a racist like Donald Trump. My black friends says it’s OK for me to be a racist. Now, you have a friend who says it’s OK to hate trans people.

Caitlyn, a Republican, is trans and supports the bigoted “Don’t say gay” bill in Florida. She’s also against a trans swimmer competing with women. Yesterday was Transgender Day of Visibility, so Caitlyn went on Hannity which would be like a black person going on Tucker’s show to celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

Caitlyn pushed all the right buttons to get this job where she’ll only be asked two questions per appearance. During a February appearance on Hannity, she said, “We are living in such a woke world right now, I can’t even figure it out.” 

Where else but on Fox News can you find a trans person complaining about living in a “woke” world? Maybe in six months, I’ll change the channel again.

Good luck finding the restrooms, Caitlyn.

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