Fun With Fake Tucker


Facts aren’t things used on Fox News, at least not during prime time. That is a fact. Another fact is that Tucker Carlson cannot decide what is and isn’t legal. Tucker Carlson can tell you what he thinks should be legal and not legal, like we all do. But, Tucker can’t tell you something is not a crime when it is.

Producing, selling, or obtaining a fake vaccination card is a crime. This is a fact even though Tucker said on his show last week that “buying a fake vaccination card is not a, quote, ‘serious crime.’”

But it is. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance Jr. seems to think it’s a pretty “serious” crime because he has charged 15 people for participating in a fake-vaccination card ring. Thirteen of these people work in essential-employee settings, such as hospitals.

One woman, allegedly, was selling vaccine passports on Instagram. She sold nearly 250 fake vaccine cards for $200 a pop, in addition to there being an additional “convenience” fee of $250 per customer. Who does she think she is? Ticketmaster? We’re buying fake vax cards here, people…not going to see Pearl Jam…where you will probably need to have a vaccination card. Holy shit, she is Ticketmaster.

Another person then wrongly entered at least 10 individuals into the New York State Immunization Information System database. Yeah, that was “wrongly entered” like the children’s book in Despicable Me being accidentally destroyed with great malice.

That  woman is charged with offering a false instrument for filing in the first degree, conspiracy in the fifth degree and criminal possession of a forged instrument in the second degree. I don’t know, Tucks…all those charges sound pretty serious. I don’t understand half of it, so I know it’s serious.

But in response to this, Tucker said it’s not a serious crime. Right-wing fucknuts have been politicizing the pandemic since it began. But keep in mind, people like Tucker never thought the virus was serious, most of all Donald Trump. MAGAts don’t take it seriously that Trump played it down while it was killing over 630,000 Americans. They didn’t take it seriously when Trump suggested aquarium cleaner as a medical solution, or the time he told everyone to ingest bleach into their bodies.

And Republicans are totally against what they call “vaccine passports” being required to enter establishments. But that’s a great idea. In fact, Fox News thinks it’s a great idea because guess what you need to get into the Fox News building on 6th Avenue. Think about it. Think about it real hard. Did you guess socks? Those are probably heavily suggested, but no. What is required are….wait for it…vaccine passports. It’s also required of all Fox News employees at the network’s Washington, D.C. studio where they shoot…wait for it…Tucker Carlson tonight.

Tucker said about fake vaccine cards: “It’s not even close to a serious crime. Buying a fake vaccination card is an act of desperation by decent, law-abiding Americans who have been forced into a corner by tyrants.” Tucker also said that people are being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want.”

Who? Whos’ being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want?” Who? Who, Tucker? Who? Is there an owl in here? Who the fuck is being forced to take the vaccine? Tucker, you’re a liar. Maybe Tucker was forced to take the vaccine by his employer, who is, let me remind you, Fox News. Maybe Fox News should check Tucker’s vaccination card and make sure it has his name on it and not McLovin’s.

Going on TV and lying to the public every fucking day about a health crisis should be a serious crime.

Tucker says people are buying these fake vaccination cards out of desperation. Desperate for what? Eating in a restaurant? Going to the movies? Going to a night club so you can approach girls and say, “How you doin’?” Desperate to go to Yankee Stadium? I included Yankee Stadium because so far, that’s the only place that wanted to see my card…which I left in my hotel room. Personally, I think it’s weird I needed to show proof of vaccination to enter outdoor Yankee Stadium but not to get on an overly-crowed Amtrak train.

Here’s the thing, Tucks: If people are so “desperate,” then maybe they’d be desperate enough to…Oh, I don’t know….GET THE VACCINE?

So if Tucker’s ID is stolen and then recovered at a porno theater, would it be more embarrassing than say, being caught watching Tucker on Fox News?

My cartoon includes a guy with a sheep, but the real sheep are watching Tucker on Fox News.

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  1. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    I loathe, totally loathe anything Repuglican!! … “Producing, selling, or obtaining a fake vaccination card is a crime. This is a fact even though Tucker said on his show last week that “buying a fake vaccination card is not a, quote, ‘serious crime.’”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Even if it’s not considered a serious crime, it remains a crime. It’s like saying “oh she won’t have a baby because she’s only a little bit pregnant” Strewth! when will theese MAGAts and Repuglicans get a brain? or at least one they can all share.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks for your awesome insight on fucker carlson, fux news douchebag poster boy. If anybody has his number, it’s you Mr. Jones! Give me 5 minutes alone with that fully knowingly lying sack of orange tyrant loving shit and he’d wish that he would’ve been Horny Bubba’s cell “mate” instead of my more than justified punching bag. I can hear it now…”but seriously Dave, tell us your real feels.” 🙃


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