Vaccine

Maskless Ban


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Vaccine Passport


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What are vaccine passports and why are they so controversial?

Let’s address the controversial part first. They’re controversial because Republicans whine about everything. White male conservatives are the most persecuted group in world history…if you listen to them. They made the coronavirus political. They denied it existed. They politicized wearing face masks. They tried to downplay the deaths and are still working to remove the virus as the cause for many of them. They were willing to sacrifice their grandparents and children to reopen the economy to help Donald Trump’s reelection. A lot of Republicans are claiming the vaccine is a way for the government to track you. And leave it to Republicans to make something racist out of the virus. Republicans think being denied the ability to discriminate against other people is discrimination against them.

Now, they’re upset over there being passports for the vaccine. Red hillbilly states like Florida and Texas, home to such evil sports teams as the Buccaneers and Cowboys, are trying to outlaw the passports. But what is the vaccine passport?

The vaccine passport is a digital chip the government inserts inside your brain so when you try to enter someplace, like a football stadium, a grocery store, or your local center for indoctrination and re-education, someone can scan your head to confirm it’s safe for others if you enter. Those who refuse to be vaccinated will be restrained to a chair with their eyelids opened by clamps and forced to watch A Clockwork Orange repeatedly while being fed soylent green through a tube.

Just kidding. There is a severe shortage of soylent green.

Seriously, it’s a digital code you can carry in your smartphone…that’s already tracking you. Right now, Mark Zuckerberg knows where you are…and he wants you to wash your hands before you stick them in what you’re planning to stick them into. He sees you and thinks what you’re doing is disgusting. Ew. You nasty.

It’s not really a passport. It’s a certificate. But these things are not anything new. Proof of vaccinations for various viruses have long been used to gain entry into schools, medical facilities, or other nations.

Let me ask our fucknut friends this question: If someone returns from an Ebola hot zone in Africa, should they show proof they were vaccinated before entering the United States? Conservatives will most likely say yes and that it’s a different circumstance than the coronavirus. I’ll let you work out why that would be different.

Here’s the important detail, kids: The “passport” is NOT a federal thing. Nope. It’s not. Sure, Fox News probably told you some bullshit, between airings of the supposed Hunter Biden sex tape with two women, that it’s being mandated by President Joe Biden and they’re going to send Susan Rice house to house checking for passports, and those who don’t have them will be placed on trains because if they’re allowed to continue running around all willy-nilly like, they’ll make it difficult to steal the next election from Donald Trump.

That’s the equivalency Republicans are using. It’s just like when Nazis branded Jews, then put them on trains, melted the gold in their teeth so Hitler could buy more paintings to hide in Switzerland, branded them with numbers, then murdered them in gas chambers and used their bodies for soap. Sure, showing a QR code on your iPhone to enter Costco to purchase 88 gallons of mayonnaise is exactly like that. It’s crazy, right? Who needs that much mayonnaise?

It should be noted the federal government has NOT mandated that you receive a vaccine. These so-called passports are for local governments and businesses to decide. Say you get a vaccine and the provider gives you a code. It’s up to businesses to decide if they require you to have it to enter, though Florida and Texas want to outlaw businesses from being able to do this.

I had a conversation with a cartoonist friend fairly recently. We’ll call him Glenn. Glenn says he had the coronavirus a few months ago and he will not be taking the vaccine. He argued more people have died from the vaccine than from a second case of the virus. Glenn’s argument is based on ignorance. It ignores there are variants of the virus. It ignores we don’t have all the information on these variants yet. He ignores that the CDC advises you to get the vaccine even if you had the virus. He also believe face masks are stealing liberty. But the one thing that really stood out to me about Glenn’s argument was that it was all about Glenn.

Glenn only talked about how getting the vaccine would affect Glenn. He didn’t talk about how it would affect those around him, his family and friends, or society in general. Glenn is a Trump-supporting racist fucknut. He loves MAGA terrorists and false equivalencies. He loves using conspiracy theories to push baseless arguments. He believes he’s a patriot while demanding the nation reopen while not personally offering any sacrifices of his own to reopen the nation…like taking the vaccine. Glenn also supports voter IDs that are mandated…wait for it…by the government.

Seriously. Is this a false equivalency? No, it’s not. Voting is a constitutional right. You should not have to pay for an ID to vote. You should not have trouble getting an ID to vote. Republicans want the government to mandate that an ID must be presented to vote. Republicans also want it to be as difficult as fucking possible to get an ID to vote…if you’re black. But, they want a bakery to have the right to refuse to make a gay wedding cake with two baseball player figurines on the top, but not the right to require you have proof of a vaccination to enter.

Personally, I’m for a federal mandate where every conservative Trump-supporting fucknut is branded on the forehead just so we know what we’re dealing with when we encounter them. We can call it the “Aldo Raine Program.” While we’re at it, we should brand those who think they need 88 gallons of mayonnaise.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Paul’s Peckers


cjones03212021

Normally, when Rand Paul gets his ass kicked, it’s in a political debate. In 2017, he literally got his ass kicked by one of his neighbors in his gated community in Kentucky.

Reportedly, the scuffle was over yard work and Paul claimed he was ambushed from behind right after he got off his riding lawnmower. His attacker was five-foot-six and weighed about 140 pounds (which would be like getting attacked by a 13-year-old boy), and left Rand Paul with six broken ribs.

Tim Pritts, a doctor at the University of Cincinnati Medical School (who didn’t treat Paul) said six broken ribs is “more consistent with a car accident, or a fall down a flight of stairs, or even from the top of a building.” He said, “I’ve seen a few from people getting kicked by horses.” Rand Paul did not get kicked by a horse, or a cow, or a gopher, and thank god for that because a kick from any one of those might have killed him.

What is it with the tough guy Republicans? You got one in Texas who kisses the ass of a man who calls his wife ugly and accuses his father of murder and then you got another in Kentucky getting his ass kicked by guys no larger than….hmmmm. No larger than someone like Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Now, I’m not suggesting Dr. Anthony Fauci leap from his table and physically assault Rand Paul the next time he accuses the medical expert of “theater” or attempts to bully and shout him down…I’m just saying I think 80-year-old Dr. Fauci can take him.

Yesterday’s exchange between Paul and Fauci wasn’t the first. And for Fauci’s sake, I hope it’s the last. Dr. Fauci is the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the chief medical advisor to the president and it’s beneath him to have to argue science with the likes of Rand Paul, who is a self-certified eye doctor.

Yes, Rand Paul created a commission that certifies eye doctors, stacked it with members of his own family who then certified him…and his certification still expired. Apparently, it’s easier to become a doctor in Kentucky than on an island in the Caribbean.

I tweeted yesterday, “If I need information on the coronavirus and I can go to either Dr. Anthony Fauci, an expert on disease and viruses or Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor, I’m going to Dr. Fauci, the expert on viruses. Duh! Now, if I need to talk to an expert about my eyes….oh, fuck it. I’m still going to Dr. Fauci.”

I would not see Rand Paul for an ingrown toenail. I wouldn’t ask the guy how to get rid of dandruff…and looking at his hair, why would I? Maybe ask him how to get rid of birds nesting in it. But no, I wouldn’t consult Rand Paul on anything medical. And that’s why it’s such a laugh and absurd when he takes on Dr. Fauci on the subject of science.

Who is Rand Paul going to lecture next? Maybe he’ll school Steven Spielberg on how to direct movies. Maybe he’ll give Denzel Washington acting lessons. Perhaps he would have instructed Julia Child on how to make a soufflé. Or, he can advise Donald Trump on how pay hush money after raw-dogging porn stars. It would be like any time someone on Fox News talks about journalism.

Rand Paul believes his neighbor kicked his ass over politics. His other neighbors believe it’s more of an issue of Rand Paul being an asshole and not being aware of it. Watching the hearings from yesterday, or any other time Rand Paul has ever opened his mouth, you get the impression it’s the asshole thing. And maybe he is aware of it because Rand Paul is the kind of asshole to know he’s an asshole and yet continue to be an asshole. Rand Paul owns the only ass in Washington Lindsey Graham won’t kiss.

Rand Paul caught the coronavirus and while waiting for the test results, continued to roam about the Capitol, visiting the gym (gotta build the muscles in case there’s another dwarf attack), and swam in the pool. He didn’t consider those around him…which is typical selfish behavior for a Republican. Since he caught the virus, which shockingly did not kill him, he has believed he is immune. Maybe it’s like that medical certification and he believes after getting it once, he’ll never need it again. Now, Paul has refused to EVER wear a mask or to get vaccinated. Even Donald Trump, who caught the virus and received the world’s best medical treatment, got vaccinated. It was a secret for at least two months, but he still did it.

Rand Paul went after Fauci yesterday and said, “You’re telling everyone to wear a mask. If we’re not spreading the infection, isn’t it just theater? You have the vaccine and you’re wearing two masks, isn’t that theater?”

Dr. Fauci replied, “Here we go again with the theater. Let’s get down to the facts.” And Dr. Fauci laid out the facts.

Dr. Fauci told Paul, “I agree with you, that you very likely would have protection from wild type for at least six months if you’re infected,” but pointed out there is no protection from some of the more infectious variants, like the one one first found in South Africa. The variants are a “good reason for a mask,” he said.

But, Rand Paul is an asshole. He said, “You’re making policy based on conjecture!” Paul interrupted Fauci and accused him of wanting people to wear masks “for another couple of years” and said, “You’ve been vaccinated and you parade around in two masks for show. If you already have immunity, you’re wearing a mask to give comfort to others. You’re not wearing a mask because of any science.”

Right there is the biggest sign of what a jerk Rand Paul is. He used the word “parading” to describe Fauci being safe. No, Rand. “Parading” is not what you do by being considerate of others and wearing a mask…or even two masks. “Parading” is what Nazis and Klansmen do to celebrate Republican victories.

Dr. Fauci is correct. The Center for Disease Control’s guidelines state those who have been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 should still wear a mask in public. But, hey…I’m sure this self-certified eye doctor who lost his certification knows more about the coronavirus than the CDC or the nation’s top infectious diseases expert.

I admire Dr. Fauci. I admire his honesty, candor, and professionalism. I also admire him for not leaping over the table and beating Rand Paul to death with his own nameplate. Rand Paul got his ass beat over the way he cut his grass. How in the hell did he not get pummeled while lecturing the nation’s top infectious diseases expert on infectious diseases?

And if a pair of love birds ever did nest in that unruly mess on top of Rand Paul’s head, you know at some point they’d peck his eyes out.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Covid Cheater


cjones02042021

We often treat sports as politics and politics as sports. One difference is you may be so tribal that you can’t admit fault with your political party, but you’ll continue to cheer on your favorite sports team while criticizing the coach, owner, quarterback, and maybe even the entire organization. But you knew you are talking to a real zealot when a person defends Tony Romo.

Sports is like politics in that you get think it’s wrong for a president to issue executive orders, except when he’s your president. It’s like cheering a holding call is against the other team…but complaining when your team gets it.

Sometimes politics is like religion and you’re a member of a party because that’s how you were raised. Maybe if your daddy was a fucknut troglodyte, he never acquired the ability to think critically and he passed it down to you. Most people practice the same religion as their parents. And a lot of people a fans of the teams their parents supported. Basically, people put the same emphasis on choosing a religion as they do a sports team.

There are people who like teams because of the colors, logo, players, etc; most people support a team from their region. I’m one of those. I grew up mostly in Louisiana and I am a New Orleans Saints fan. I also grew up partly in a Chicago suburb and for some reason, the Bears didn’t get to me but the Cubs did. But I like the Saints which means I hate the other teams in the division which works out because there’s nothing to like about any of those teams.

The Atlanta Falcons suck. The Carolina Panthers suck. And for the love of God, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers suck. If the Bucs didn’t play the Saints twice a year, I’d still hate them. Years ago, they fired their coach, Tony Dungy, who had rebuilt them from being the doormat of the league to a team that went to the playoffs repeatedly. But they fired Dungy because he didn’t get them to the Super Bowl. The very next year, with the team Dungy built, the Bucs went to the Super Bowl with John Gruden. John Gruden never built a good team again but to this day, a lot of people think he’s a football genius for inheriting a team someone else built. By the way, Dungy is black and Gruden is white. That’s probably not a factor here but isn’t it indicative of that this country does, a white man taking credit for something a black man built? Go ask Donald Trump about that economy he built.

And in case you don’t follow sports, after Tampa fired Tony Dungy for not getting them to a Super Bowl, he was hired by the Indianapolis Colts, another doormat piece-of-crap franchise, and took them to the Super Bowl.

But I hate the Buccaneers…and I really don’t like Tom Brady. So naturally, the two paired up. Naturally, they’re going to the fucking Super Bowl.

Why would anyone hate Tom Brady? Because he’s Tom Brady.

Tom Brady is a whiner. He whines after every play that doesn’t go his way. What’s worse is, it works. Did you see the NFC championship game against the Packers? Did you see the playoff game against the Saints? And even if he doesn’t whine, I swear there’s a bias from the refs when it comes to Brady or the team he’s on. There are a lot of calls that aren’t called…and a lot of calls that shouldn’t have been. About a decade ago, when Brett Favre lost a championship game, the NFL changed some playoff rules that would have sent him to the Super Bowl. If Brady would have lost against the Packers, I would have expected the league to create another Brady rule. Yes, the league created a rule to protect Tom Brady from getting hit. This was before he started letting air out of his balls.

Tom Brady played for a team that cheated, the Patriots. There was Spygate, where the Patriots filmed other teams’ practices. Then, there was Deflategate, which got Tom suspended for four games which he fought in federal courts for nearly a year. Brady played for a team that cheated…and Brady cheated.

Tom Brady is just lucky in life. He married a supermodel. He’s been to ten Super Bowls. There are entire teams that haven’t been to one Super Bowl (Lions, Browns, Texans, and Jaguars), yet Brady’s been to ten. Then he goes to Tampa, a team that’s sucked since their last Super Bowl and in his very first year, he gets them back to the Super Bowl. They lost twice to my team last year, yet beat them in the playoffs. The dude is just lucky.

A new reason to hate Tom: He has a company that sells vitamin supplements. During the coronavirus pandemic, Brady started selling at $45 a bottle, a non-FDA approved, homeopathic medley of vitamins that allegedly will “activate your immune system.” And then…you’re gonna love this shit, kids…the company got nearly $1 million from the first Coronavirus relief package. Our tax money gave Tom Brady, who is worth around $200 million, a million bucks to hawk his snake oil. Technically, it’s a loan, but since he’s Tom Brady, he’s not gonna have to pay that loan back.

And on top of everything already listed, Tom Brady is a Trump supporter.

And now, Tom is going back to the Super Bowl at 43 years of age, looking like he’s 23, and he should be the underdog going up against the team that won it all last year, the Kansas City Chiefs. But since he’s Tom Brady, there’s some supernatural shit happening when teams play against him. Also, he has home-field advantage. No team has ever played at home during a Super Bowl. But naturally, the game is in Tampa…in the Buccaneers stadium. Fuck life. I mean, have they already put Tom Brady’s name on the trophy yet?

Now I don’t know if Tom Brady has received a vaccination for the coronavirus, but since he’s Tom Brady, it wouldn’t surprise me.

So I never did like Tom Brady. But now, I hate the guy. And if you don’t hate Tom Brady, why not?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vaxxing The Game


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Hoaxes and Lollies


cjones01042021

We’ve learned a lot about about the coronavirus over the past year. We’re still learning about it and information changes. We’ve learned that wearing face masks and practicing social distancing is effective in preventing the spread of the virus. We’ve learned that holding MAGA rallies is dangerous beyond spreading racism throughout the nation. And we have learned that downplaying and denying that the virus is dangerous doesn’t make you immune from it.

Herman Cain downplayed the virus and went to a Trump rally, didn’t wear a face mask and didn’t practice social distancing. He’s dead. Luke Letlow was just elected to represent the Louisiana district that includes the place I grew up in. He held many rallies where masks weren’t required. He didn’t advocate precaution. Despite being only 41, Lutlow died from the virus last week.

Knowing that downplaying the virus doesn’t protect you from it, several Republicans have rushed to be first in line to receive the vaccination.

Senators Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and even Rand Paul (who claimed he is immune after catching the virus) have all received vaccines even though each of them downplayed it. Rubio attacked the media for its virus coverage. Ernst claimed hospitals were making up the number of deaths from covid because they get reimbursed for covid deaths (that’s not true). Graham refused to take a test for the virus before a debate despite gooning around with people who were infected.

Some argue it’s good that these deniers and fucknuts who have spent the past four years making this nation a much more dangerous place to live because of their enabling of Donald Trump, should get the virus now. Why? Because it shows the MAGAt and Qanon base that the virus is safe and it doesn’t contain microchips to track their locations. Also, the senators have been tweeting photos of them receiving the virus and we can tell from the pics that the health professionals are not lizard people.

Others say that no matter how they politicized the virus, which led to people dying, these senators should receive the vaccine because they’re VIPs, very important people.

Mike Pence is the leader of the Coronavirus Task Force which did an all-around shitty job of fighting the pandemic. Pence stood by Donald Trump’s side while he lied about the virus and attacked and mocked the people who were fighting it. Mike Pence went on camera to show the world he was getting the vaccine.

And it’s important that the Vice-President (sic) receive the vaccine despite being a part of an administration that watched over 347,000 Americans die. It’s important that he receive the vaccine because Mike Pence is not replaceable. We would not be able to find a bigger ass-kissing toadie troglodyte to stand behind Donald Trump with a fawning look of either adoration or a much-anticipated bowel movement finally happening than we have in Mike Pence.

So, it’s very important that the irreplaceable Mike Pence receive the vaccine a month before we replace him.

As for those senators…we can replace every single one of them. Proof of that is, a few of them are being replaced. We just had an election and we threw out Republicans in Arizona, Nevada, and Colorado. They are being replaced. We’re even replacing a really great senator in Alabama with an idiot who thinks the three branches of government are the House, Senate, and presidency, that the Constitution prevents one party from holding all three, it’s OK to fundraise in federal office buildings (Donald Trump does), that Al Gore was president for 30 days before the Supreme Court (which is NOT one of the three branches) took it away from him, and in World War II, we were fighting socialism. Good job, Alabama in electing a guy with a bachelors degree in physical education.

As for the virus deniers receiving the vaccine to lead by example…nobody follow their examples. It will not convince the conspiracy people to get vaccinated.

Donald Trump spent months challenging the virus. He held rallies and attended super-spreader events. He mocked face masks. He attacked doctors and scientists. We all thought there was no way he would catch the virus because karma had been hitting the snooze button for the past four years. But then, despite holding super-spreader event after super-spreader event and hanging out with infected people repeatedly, Donald Trump shocked the world by catching the virus. In fact, dozens of people attending an event at the White House caught the virus. How did this happen? They said the virus was a hoax. They said it was safe to go without face masks. It was safe to hold huge parties with assholes and racists. They said it was safe to breathe in the same air as Rudy Giuliani despite covid and farts.

Donald Trump was rushed to the hospital in Marine One. He was so panicked, that even he wore a face mask while weebling to the helicopter. A team of medical professionals attended to Trump around the clock and gave him experimental medication which included steroids. And then, Donald Trump went back to holding and attending super-spreader events and mocking and attacking doctors, scientists, and anyone else who was taking the pandemic seriously.

After seeing their hero catch the virus and nearly die, did his base start to take the pandemic seriously? Of course not. They’re still in denial and screaming that wearing a face masks is an assault on their freedom and liberty.

So, let’s stop giving the vaccine to the deniers. Or at least stop giving it to them before the rest of us. Marco Rubio is 49. He can wait. He can wait with the rest of us for when it’s available at our local CVS pharmacy. Because even if something tragic and horrible happened like Marco Rubio catching the coronavirus, and as awful as that would be…we can replace him. He represents Florida. Certainly, there’s at least one more insane moron from the Florida available. I’d start in Jacksonville.

We can replace him just like we’re replacing Donald Trump and Mike Pence. Catching the virus can kill you. Replacing stupid Republicans will not.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (12 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Update on book: They’re here but…I forgot to order envelopes. Shit. Envelopes are on the way. I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have assumed I had enough on hand. I swear that about 30 book envelopes disappeared out of my apartment.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Tracking Crazy


cjones12232020

Trump troglodytes can’t have it both ways, can they? In their minds, yes.

The Trump cult already says there was mass election fraud and millions of votes for Donald Trump were switched to Joe Biden…but the votes for other Republicans are valid. Ignore that Trump and down-ballot Republican candidates were on the same ballots. For their argument to work, you have to believe the voting machines fucked with the Trump votes but left the other Republican votes alone.

They said they wouldn’t recognize President Obama and did everything they could to obstruct him. They even said he wasn’t eligible for president because he was born in Kenya. After Trump was elected, they said, “Get over it.”

When President Obama made executive orders, they claimed he was acting like a monarch. When Trump did it, it was the best thing ever and owning the libs.

For decades, they screamed about family values and said Bill Clinton wasn’t qualified to be president because of his conduct with women. When Donald Trump said, “Grab them by the pussy,” well that’s just Trump being Trump.

When Obama was president, they claimed he didn’t love America and was allowing Russia to run over us. When Trump gave national security intel to Putin and refused to ever criticize him, they said, “So what?”.

When Obama was president, they claimed he was on an “apology tour” which was insulting and blaming the United States. When told that Putin had journalists murdered and Trump said, “So? You think we’re so nice?” His supporters just didn’t care.

Republicans claimed that President Obama would refuse to leave the White House or give up power. Why, he might actually enact martial law to remain president. Today, they’re screaming to Trump to declare martial law and steal the election.

With the coronavirus, Trump has taken credit for every success while blaming states for death rates. Donald Trump is taking credit for the vaccine being here but ignoring the massive problems with distribution.

And now, the MAGAts are saying we should praise Donald Trump for the vaccine. It wouldn’t have been possible so quickly without him. And many of them saying that are also saying they won’t take the vaccine. Why? Because the deep state will use it to plant a microchip tracking device inside them. Fucknut propagandist Ben Garrison has stated as much in his cartoons…while praising Trump for the vaccine. He also draws Trump with muscles.

Here’s a fun fact: There are tracking devices with the vaccine…on the vials. That’s probably more than the fucknuts needed to begin spreading conspiracy theories. The tracking devices on the vials is for stuff like making sure the vaccine has not expired. The chip has to be scanned for anyone to read the data. The chip is NOT in the syringe. The chip wouldn’t fit inside the syringe and if it did, it wouldn’t work. To track you, someone would have to follow you around with a scanner. So I don’t think you have anything to worry about unless strangers start walking up to you and try to scan your ass.

Actually, that might be fun. Let’s go to MAGA rallies and just start scanning people and watch them freak out. If they get too upset, we’ll just tell them it’s beeping because it’s a gaydar.

Does your dog have a chip? The chip to track your Fluffy doesn’t really track Fluffy. It’s a backup identification system in case your pet is found. It, too, has to be scanned. It’s not a GPS device. Do you honestly believe the government could manage an intricate computer/GPS system tracking every American? That would be some serious deep-state shit there.

But there is a video on Facebook that’s probably been viewed over 300,000 times at this point, claiming the vaccine contains a tracking device. Qanon type people believe this kind of stuff.

I wish there was a tracking device in MAGAts and there was a website for the general public showing where they are. We could use it like we use the internet to locate them. They’re all at Parler so hey, let’s not go to Parler.

Why would anyone want to track MAGAts? The only reason to know where Trump supporters are is so we don’t go there.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Needles And Trust


cjones12192020

When it’s my turn to take the vaccine for the coronavirus, I’m taking it. Granted, I probably won’t be able to until next summer when it’s available at CVS for the general public with an appointment, but I’m still taking it. Even though I had the coronavirus and antibodies may stay with me for a while, there’s no guarantee I can’t catch it again. I’m not invincible like some who had it believe, like Rand Paul and Donald Trump. Plus, scientists say you should get it even if you had the virus.

Polls show 71% of Americans are willing to take the vaccine. Black Americans willing to take it currently stands at 62% which is an increase from three months ago when it was at 50%. Politically, 86% of Democrats are willing to take the vaccine and Republicans…only 56% of them are willing to take the vaccine. Why?

Why do Republicans (white people) mistrust the vaccine more than black Americans? Why do some black Americans mistrust the vaccine at all? Black Americans have a good reason. White Republicans (I know. Redundant), do not.

From 1932 to 1973, the U.S. government, along with Tuskegee University, conducted a study of the effects of syphilis in black men. They told the men they were receiving free health care. That was a lie. The government was studying the effect of syphilis being untreated in black men with some of them only receiving a free lunch. Oh, look. All your shit just fell off. Here, have a sandwich.

The men were not told about the study. The government finally came clean only after being caught by the free press (which is why we want a free press), and during the 90s, President Bill Clinton formally apologized on behalf of the United States.

So today, when the government shows up with a vaccine and a needle saying, “Trust us,” you can’t blame black people for being a little wary. I guarantee you the black Americans willing to take the virus have done their research on it and aren’t just taking it nilly-willy, because there have been times in our history that after trusting the government to handle their health, willies fell off.

So, why do white conservatives fear the virus? Is it because of 400 years of being enslaved by the government? No. Is it after centuries of racism and being treated as second and third-class citizens? No. Was it because for decades, their right to vote was disenfranchised? No. Is it because racism against whites is still applied today in hiring, education, housing, economics, entertainment, and basically every fucking thing in this nation? No. None of that shit ever happened to whites, yet if you listen to a white conservative, they’re the most persecuted and victimized people in history. But, they often have to invent the persecution. For example, their lies and conspiracy theories being removed from a social media platform is persecution.

When it comes to the Tuskegee study on black men, I guarantee you that most white conservatives aren’t familiar with it. Why? Because it wasn’t a study on white men. White people, as a group, don’t care about stuff unless it happens to white people.

Are you familiar with the presidential daily briefings and the only way Trump can pay attention is if his name and photos of him are included? Yeah, white people are like that. Santa Claus is white. Barbie is white. Until recently…and still happening here and there, every movie based in the Middle East, Africa, or Asia had a white cast. It was only a few years ago that Emma Stone played an Asian. She’s a great actress and I love her, but she’s not Asian and doesn’t even look a tiny bit Asian, no matter how hard you squint. Why do they do that? Partly because of racism but mostly because white people won’t watch a movie without white people…and mostly about racism. Even white churches have white Jesus. Pay attention! Look, we have a white Jesus!!!

When Black Panther came out, black Americans finally had a superhero in a major universal movie that looked like them. Most critics and Marvel fans put it within the top three of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) movies. White conservatives say it’s worse than the Hulk movies, which is a white guy turning into a green guy.

So what from the past makes white conservatives so distrustful of the vaccine? I heard some say we can’t trust it because it was developed so fast, which is contradictory to them giving Donald Trump all the credit for it being developed so fast. Some are skeptical because the flu vaccine, which we’ve been taking in one form or another since the 1940s while the government was also forcing black men to live with syphilis, is only about 50% effective while the coronavirus vaccine has a 94% efficacy rate in testing. We talked about the difference between “effective” and “efficacy” earlier in the week. I even saw a post this morning saying we can’t trust Pfizer because they can’t count the number of doses accurately in a vial.

But, the biggest reason white conservatives don’t trust the vaccine is because they’re fucking nuts. They’re all paranoid schizophrenics who would rather believe in conspiracy theories than facts. Currently, 82% of Trump voters think the election was a scam, rigged, a total sham and Donald Trump was robbed and he’ll remain president after the inauguration on January 20. That’s 82% of an entire major political party believing a lying president (sic) without any evidence to support his lies…despite the information being readily available.

But white people are always persecuted…even if they have to make it up. Take the War on Christmas. Fun fact: There has NEVER been a war on Christmas. White people scream and moan if Starbucks doesn’t put Jesus on a coffee cup. Starbucks should put black Jesus on a cup and see what happens.

On an episode of Black Jeopardy, a popular sketch on Saturday Night Live where black contestants compete, Tom Hanks plays Doug, a Trump-supporting contestant. The sketch points out how remarkable it is that white conservatives and back people share a distrust of the government and corporate America while also sharing a love for Tyler Perry movies. In the category, “They Out Here Saying,” the answer was, “They out here saying, ‘The new iPhone wants your thumbprint ‘for your protection.'” Doug answers correctly with the question, “What is, ‘I don’t think so. That’s how they get ya.'” He follows up with, “I read that goes straight to the government.”

He later gives the correct question, “C’mon, they already decided who wins before it happens” to the answer, “They out here saying, ‘every vote counts.'” But for black Americans, their votes historically didn’t count because they weren’t allowed to vote. Republicans are still disenfranchising their votes. White conservatives they believe their vote didn’t count because they’re sore losers. Fortunately for Doug, the skit ended right as they got to the category, “Lives That Matter.”

Many of the white people who distrust the vaccine are the same people who believe the government is operated by a deep state of Satan-worshipping reptilian cannibalistic pedophiles. They believe that’s the swamp Donald Trump is draining despite hiring his own family members to run the government. They also keep adding new additions to the swamp, like Christopher Krebs, William Barr, and three Supreme Court justices, people Donald Trump hired.

A black person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because of the government’s past. A white person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because it’ll give you autism, cancer, make you sterile, and implant a chip inside you that’s a tracking device. Seriously.

Mike Pence is going to publicly take the vaccine. Donald Trump, without publicly subscribing to the conspiracy theories, is not going to publicly take the vaccine…and they’re saying he won’t take it at all.

Here’s my distrust of the government: Donald Trump will take the vaccine, but he won’t let you know because he doesn’t want to upset his base of fucknuts. Donald Trump needs his base to remain crazy and believing in conspiracy theories. If they can keep believing the vaccine will plant a tracking device inside you and that baby-eating lizard people are running the government, then they’ll believe any crazy shit Donald Trump tells them. And when it comes to white people being victimized, Donald Trump is the most victimized and unfairly treated person in the universe. Never mind the fact he’s a billionaire who lived in a golden penthouse. White conservatives are the biggest believers in crazy shit…then acting on their crazy beliefs.

Who shot a rifle at a pizza parlor believing Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring in the basement? A white guy. Who shot up an abortion clinic in Colorado Springs, killing several, because he believed they were selling aborted baby body parts? A white guy. Who kidnaped an air conditioning repair man last week and held him hostage for several days because he thought the guy was hauling illegal ballots? A white guy. Who wanted to kidnap the female of governor of Michigan because she was destroying their “freedom?” A bunch of white guys. Who wrote that Kars-For-Kids jingle? A white guy! Which group is the number one terrorist threat in this nation? White men, specifically, white supremacists.

We’ve come a long way since the Tuskegee Study. It’s right to have questions, but don’t be a nut about it. Do your part for your country, your community, your family, and take the vaccine. Don’t be like a Trump supporter. Don’t be a MAGAt. These are people you really don’t want to have anything in common with.

And because of these people, the Dougs, we need as many of us as possible who are rational to take the vaccine. The more people who take it, the less the virus can spread. Do your part. Social distance, stay home, wear a facemask, and take the vaccine.

If you don’t, I’m sending the lizard people. They know how to get ya.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (16 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trumplican Brains


cjones12152020

Which is worse? A zombie apocalypse or a Trump apocalypse? What if 70 million of us turned into zombies but the rest of us, the smart ones, were OK? That’s kinda what we have now except they’re not biting us…yet.

Over the weekend, there were several protests against democracy in cities as pro-Trump goons took to the streets in a national display of bellyaching and whining. That’s what these protests are, against democracy. The fact is, Joe Biden won the election. What these protesters want is overturn an election and give the office to the loser. Just in case you are a Republican, that’s NOT how democracy works. And while pro-Trump goons may not be biting us, violence broke out in several cities during these “protests.” Michigan’s capitol building is closed today because of pro-Trump goons. There have been a lot of problems with Trump goons in Michigan…where Biden won.

And, if you think Donald Trump won the election, you’re either stupid or just so dishonest that you would rather rely on fucknut sources, like Donald Trump, Qanon or shit you read on Parler, than actual news sources. Either way, you’re failing. The information is out there but you’re refusing to absorb it…which is a fault shared by many Republicans who hold elected office.

Republicans aren’t just stupid. They’re fucknuttery stupid. Don’t be like them. You may think, I’m good. I know Biden won…but I’m afraid of the coronavirus vaccine. Don’t be and don’t veer off into Conspiracy Crazy Land.

I think it’s fair to question the effectiveness and safety of the vaccine. It’s fair to point out that it was rushed and developed in a much shorter time than other vaccines, like the flu, which took about a decade to develop. There have been questions as to why the flu vaccine has about a 50% effectiveness when it’s been around since the 1940s, but testing is showing the vaccine to the coronavirus has about 95% efficacy.

First off, the flu keeps changing so the vaccine is also changed. What they’re shooting in arms today isn’t the same stuff they were using in 1945. Second, there is a 95% efficacy rate for the coronavirus vaccine, but that does not mean only 5 out of 100 who take it will catch the virus…or the vaccine won’t work on them.

Don’t be confused by “effectiveness” and “efficacy.” When you hear someone say the flu only has a 50% effectiveness rate, that’s not the same as “efficacy.” The difference is, “efficacy” is just a measurement made during a clinical trial. “Effectiveness” is how well the vaccine works out in the real world. We don’t know the effectiveness rate for the coronavirus vaccine. So, when people are questioning it, they don’t have the results to question yet.

How the coronavirus vaccine works depends on a lot of factors. One being on how many people take the vaccine. While Republicans talk about “herd immunity” by 70% of the population catching the virus with a lot of us dying from it, the best way to achieve herd immunity is if 70% of the population takes the vaccine. While the entire population won’t take it, hopefully enough do to cease the spread of the virus and eventually stop it. That’s the hope.

It’s reasonable to be cautious and to seek out all the information you can get about the vaccine. Do that. Don’t just take my word for it. Don’t trust my reporting on science. I’m just a cartoonist and I did poorly at science in high school. Read! But, don’t be a fucknut like Ben Garrison. Who?

Ben Garrison is a racist, anti-Semitic conspiracy-believing lunatic who is a propagandist masquerading as a political cartoonist. The guy was invited to Trump’s White House for a bullshit summit on the media, which was a racist wet dream come true for Garrison. Then…his world came crashing down as the White House, racist Donald Trump’s White House where Stephen Miller works and that once employed Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka, disinvited him because of his anti-Semitism. Then, he sued the Anti-Defamation League for labeling one of his cartoons anti-Semitic (no word on how that’s working out yet). And his defense that he’s not anti-Semitic is his claim that…wait for it…Jews are taking over the world. Last week, he did a cartoon with an Asian where he used the term, “Me love you long time.” Him racist long time. But he also drew a cartoon where among the 2,000 labels in it (he uses a lot of labels because he sucks), he claimed the vaccine to the coronavirus will give you cancer, sterilize you, give your kids autism, kill you, make you gay, and plant a tracking device inside of you.

OK. I made up the part about making you gay. If it turns you gay, you’ll be fine. If it turns you into a Trumper, I’m so sorry.

But seriously, this is insanity…and Garrison has over 230,000 followers on Twitter who are just as insane (to be fair, a lot of those followers may be people laughing at him for the wrong reasons). I have a little over 9,000 and I’m a real boy….I mean cartoonist. You can have concerns about the virus while not believing it’ll plant a chip inside you. The most absurd thing is, these people believing in the tracking device probably all have cell phones which do track you. Or at the very least, they’re complaining about tracking devices on social media. If you’re on Twitter, you made tracking easy.

There is a chance the vaccine will hurt you. You may have an adverse reaction if you have an allergy. It may make you sick. It may kill you. Those odds are very low and are about the same as any other vaccination. Do you know what has higher odds of killing you than the vaccine to the coronavirus? The coronavirus.

I may have the antibodies in me already, but I don’t know how long they will last. Science doesn’t know how long they’ll last. I will take the vaccine if it comes my way…which will probably be a while.

There is another way of knowing the vaccine is safe. If Dr. Anthony Fauci says it’s safe, take the damn vaccine. And if fucknuts are screaming it’ll plant a tracking device inside you, then you know it’s safe. Take the damn vaccine. It’s like facemasks and social distancing. The more who do it, the safer all of us will be. Take the damn vaccine.

After the election and Joe Biden’s administration is in charge of distributing the vaccine, I expect Donald Trump to tell you it’s not safe and he’ll retweet Nazis spreading conspiracy theories about it. Then, you will know it’s safe.

Take the damn vaccine.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trump’s Vaccine Fail


cjones12102020

Good news, everybody. Donald Trump signed an executive order commanding all American manufacturers of covid vaccine to deliver them to Americans first. We will all get the vaccine to the virus before any unworthy foreigners do from American vaccine companies, like Pfizer.

Yesterday, citizens of the United Kingdom started to receive vaccines to the coronavirus from Pfizer. Wait, what? I thought Americans, you know, people in the United States were supposed to receive the vaccine first from American companies?

George Stephanopoulos asked a guy on Good Morning America to clarify Donald Trump’s order…like how will it work? The guy said, “Frankly, I don’t know, and frankly, I’m staying out of this. I can’t comment. I literally don’t know.”

Who was that guy? Nobody very important. Just the lead scientists on Trump’s Operation Warp Speed, the effort to produce a vaccine and distribute it to Americans. George said, “But you’re the lead scientists. And the lead scientists said, “No, I’m not. It’s that guy over there.” And as George turned his head to look and saw there wasn’t a guy over there, the lead scientist ran from the room screaming.

Then, we found out that Donald Trump rejected offers from Pfizer to purchase millions of more doses of the vaccine created by them and the German company BioNTech, which is the vaccine currently being given to the Brits.

Donald Trump is a businessman yet he doesn’t seem to understand how supply and demand works. Maybe that’s because he never tried to sell a product anyone wanted. But several companies are making vaccines and they can only make them so fast. So when Donald Trump turns down an offer to purchase millions of doses, then those doses will be sold elsewhere, like in NOT America. Pfizer has already gone into contracts with other nations to deliver vaccine doses in the second half of 2021. Donald Trump should understand that when you have a contract, you have to fulfill it….except Donald Trump usually disregards contracts and cheats the people he made promises to. That’s because he’s a grifter.

Donald Trump is worried that Joe Biden will steal credit for the vaccine. But in late 2021, when we don’t have enough, I’m sure Trump will tweet from a toilet at Mar-a-Lago about what a horrible job Joe is doing with distributing the vaccine. And Geraldo wanted to name the vaccine after Trump to honor him. They should name toilets after Trump. Then we can say, “I gotta drop a Geraldo in the Trump.”

Remember during the campaign when Donald Trump promised a vaccine would be available for every American before the end of the year? Yeah, we might have 40 million doses before January 1. To be vaccinated, every American needs two doses. Do the math, Republicans. Half of 40 is…what? That’s 20 million people treated. It’s a good thing there are only 20 million people in the United States. Right? No? The United States alone is going to need at least 700 million doses. While we’re scrambling for doses, other nations will be doing the same. We’ll be competing again and dumbass Trump, when given the opportunity to purchase more doses, said, “No thanks.”

And get this, being the brilliant businessman that he is, Donald Trump did purchase 100 million doses of a cheaper vaccine that’s probably made from badger sweat and horse piss. We’re going to get the Trump Steaks of vaccines. And you question why so many are skeptical of the vaccine? Before that needle goes into my arm, I’m asking…”Is this the Trump vaccine or the Biden vaccine?”

Donald Trump did hold a party at the White House to celebrate that there will be a vaccine…and it’s a good thing the vaccine is coming because White House parties tend to be coronavirus super-spreader events. Oh, the irony. Of course, the people who will be distributing the vaccine, the Joe Biden administration, weren’t invited. Pfizer and Moderna, another vaccine manufacturer, refused to attend the party, either because they didn’t want to part of the politicization of it, didn’t want to be associated with Donald Trump, or they didn’t watch to catch the virus at another White House super spreader event.

At the event, Donald Trump said if another 1.8 millions people die, then we’ll have herd immunity and won’t even need the vaccine. Then he said, that would be “terrific.” Terrific if another 1.8 million people die? If Donald Trump manages to steal this election, I’m sure that will happen. I’m sure he’ll fuck up distributing the vaccine. He’s actually trying to make it a disaster for Biden. Donald Trump is a very evil stupid man.

Donald Trump has issued an order that American companies provide the vaccine he’s not ordering to Americans first.

And do not forget that during this entire crisis, he’s been trying to destroy our national healthcare system. Meanwhile, the UK’s national healthcare system, scary socialism, is vaccinating people.

And over 70 million of us voted to continue this Trump disaster. We are an extremely stupid country.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw: