Vaccine

Fox Dribble


Cjones10032021

The National Basketball Association has been the most progressive of major league sports in this nation for the past decade. They’ve led the way on race relations and civil rights while white idiots in the NFL and MLB are still making racist comments and exhibiting mind-dazzling ignorance. Drew Brees is about as woke as country singer Jason Aldean, who either sings “Farmer’s Daughter” or “Big Green Tractor.” I would ask Alexa, but I’m afraid she might start playing one of those songs.

Also, Colin Kaepernick still can’t get an invite to try out for a team. That’s some racist shit, NFL.

But when it comes to the coronavirus, NBA players are sounding a lot like that racist blonde bimbo on Fox News who told them to “shut up and dribble.”

A lot of NBA players are saying no to vaccines and the players’ union is telling the league that mandatory vaccinations are a “non-starter.”

When the pandemic began, it shut down the season. When the season resumed, it wasn’t for every team and for the teams that were playing, they were in a bubble at Disneyland. And now, prominent players are refusing to get the vaccine. Do they want to go back to the bubble? Do they want to stop playing in front of fans?

There are only two NBA cities with vaccine mandates for entertainment, like going to clubs, bars, movies, and sporting events. These mandates also affects players, even if they’re stubborn millionaire assholes. But since these mandates are only in two NBA cities, they only affect three teams, the Golden State Warriors, the New York Knicks, and the Brooklyn Nets. In case you’re a Republican, Brooklyn is a part of New York City.

The Knicks say they’re 100 percent vaccinated. Everyone on the team has got the jab. The Nets, not so much. Kyrie Irving, a star for the Nets, isn’t just a skeptic, it looks like he’s an anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist. He’s liking accounts on Instagram that are pushing the debunked-microchip conspiracy theory. If the league proposal goes through that unvaxxed players can’t play in vaccine-mandated cities, players like Kyrie will be skipping home games and salads.

Andrew Wiggin, a player for Golden State, is also refusing to be vaccinated citing a religious exemption. Apparently, whatever religion he belongs to requires its practitioners to be selfish entitled assholes.

There are about 50-60 unvaccinated players which is a good percentage for the league, because there are currently 637 active players in the NBA. But one unvaccinated player is too many.

Kyrie and others have made the argument for their “personal freedom.” Where have we heard that bullshit before? We have to make the same points to a few NBA players that we’re making to dumbass Republican governors? Your contaminated self is violating my freedom not to get COVID.

The players’ union hopes to reach an agreement on this with the league. Here’s an agreement: Stop being a bunch of whiny-ass baby conspiracy theorist and get the fucking vax. If DoorDash, Lyft, and McDonald’s can force all their employees to get the vaccine, the NBA can too.

I understand black Americans’ skepticism of vaccines, and black players make up 74% of the NBA. They have a better argument for vaccine skepticism than white yee-haw fuckers. In the past, this nation has practiced medical experimentation on its black population. The government has not always been friends to Black America. But when you’re talking about microchips in the vaccine, your position is no longer rational. Also, I wouldn’t worry about the government tracking you through microchips in vaccines when you’re on Instagram.

Now, Lebron James, who’s been a huge voice for civil rights and an advocate for education. He’s been a champion for confronting racism and sexism. He’s been the poster dude for all things good and responsible. Yet, he resisted getting the vaccine. Now, he says after doing the research, he’s gotten the vaccine but he won’t advise others to do the same. Lebron James now has the official position of Donald Trump. Take the jab in secret but don’t tell anyone else to do it.

If Lebron spoke out and encouraged everyone to get it, and even said there should be a mandate, there would be a mandate. He’s that powerful. And if he’s done the research on getting the jab, then he knows there should be vaccine mandates because that’s in the same research. Players like Lebron and Steph Curry have been brave in confronting Donald Trump over his racism, but they’re being cowards by not confronting their own teammates.

I think every city in this nation, especially cities with major league teams, should adopt the same vaccine mandates as New York City and San Francisco. That will force all these players to get the vaccine. How many of them do you believe would be willing to give up their season?

A couple of players did give up their season in professional sports last year, but not because of vaccine mandates…but because they didn’t want to catch COVID. We didn’t have the vaccine last year but we do now. A study has been released stating NFL teams that have the highest vaccination rates among their players have a playing advantage against teams with lower vaccination rates.

By the way, how much freaky shit do athletes already put inside their bodies? How much strange do players get on the road, which the league is well-noted for? And these players are afraid there’s a risk to the vaccines?

Two weeks ago, seven coaches for the New Orleans Saints had to miss a game after they all tested positive for the coronavirus. Five of the coaches were vaccinated but two weren’t…which means they most likely got it from unvaccinated players and coaches. A player also tested positive along with a nutritionist.

Without these coaches, the Saints lost to the Carolina Panthers 26-7. The week before that game, the Saints beat the Green Bay Packers 38-3 and last week, they beat the New England Patriots 28-13. The Saints don’t suck. The Panthers didn’t beat them. The Saints beat themselves by not mandating everyone to be vaccinated.

At this point, not getting vaccinated is stupid, even if your name is Lebron. If these players want to be professional, want a competitive advantage, and want to do the best for their teammates, community, and families, they will all get the vaccine.

You don’t need to shut up and dribble, but you should be mandated to be vaccinated before you can bounce a ball.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vax That Salad


Cjones09252021

I had a stop-the-presses moment last night.

Like I do every day, I had jotted down potential topics to cartoon about. Some of the topics are heavy subjects, like immigration, the debt ceiling, Texas abortion, missing indigenous people and Gabby Petito, Haiti, Trump’s lawsuits, etc, etc. As I said before, I like to have a definite idea (not just a concept) for my next cartoon before going to bed. I will toss and turn all night and have nightmares of crosshatching if I don’t. Seriously, I have dreams of crosshatching.

Around 11:00 P.M, I heard the news about disgraced scumbag General and former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. This guy is a piece of work. But, my gears went into motion for a Flynn cartoon. I wrote down three ideas and was giggling with each of them. I cracked open a Blue Moon while amusing myself and kept writing, self-editing, more writing, another Blue Moon, and then at 2:00 A.M, I said to myself, “Oh my god, it’s 2:00 A.M.” I knew I had my idea and I should get some sleep. The debt ceiling can wait. Michael Flynn said something stupid.

Flynn was forced into retirement from the military and there are rumors this is because he’s a raving lunatic. President Obama knew Flynn was a liar and had him removed from his position as Assistant Director of National Intelligence. During Flynn’s tenure, he became the first official from the United States invited into the Russian Military Intelligence headquarters in Moscow, which was seriously frowned upon by our government. He attempted a second visit which was thwarted. Then, he tried to get Russian intelligence officials inside the headquarters for the Central Intelligence Agency, which was knocked down by James Clapper, the Director of National Intelligence. There was concern, and it was reported by other officials that Flynn may have been compromised by the Russians. Ya’ think?

After he was fired, he was paid to speak at a Moscow event where he shared a table with Vladimir Putin. He later argued that Russia didn’t pay him. They paid his agent who then paid him. It’s that kind of logic that’ll get you a high-ranking position with the Trump administration…that and being compromised by the Russians.

President Obama advised Donald Trump NOT to hire Michael Flynn, probably because he’s compromised by the Russians. So naturally, Trump hired Michael Flynn as his National Security Adviser, and once again, proving President Obama is much smarter than he is. Flynn didn’t last a month as he had to be fired, supposedly for lying to the vice-president (sic) over his communications with…take a guess…Russians.

Later, he struck a plea-bargain admitting guilt in lying to the FBI which he later recanted probably because he knew he’d get a Trump pardon. Trump’s Justice Department tried to drop the case that Robert Mueller has already sent to the courts. Later, Donald Trump pardoned Flynn.

Then, Flynn took an oath pledging loyalty to Qanon which supersedes the oath he took swearing loyalty and to protect the United States and Constitution. In the aftermath of Trump losing the election, Flynn, and the attorney they shared, conspiracy theorist Sidney Powell, met with Trump in the Oval Office and suggested he suspend the Constitution, silence the press (people like me), declare martial law, and use the military to conduct a new election. Remember, this fucker took an oath to defend our nation and the Constitution and he’s in the Oval freaking Office, after being compromised by Russians and lying to the FBI, advocating the president (sic) suspend the Constitution and overthrow an election with a military coup. Go to Hell, Michael Flynn.

After Trump left the White House, because he lost the election to President Biden by seven million votes, Flynn voiced support for a “Myanmar-style coup” to restore Trump to power. Then, he got banned from Twitter for life.

Like all Trump supporters, and Trump himself, Michael Flynn was never about loyalty to the United States, patriotism, democracy, the Constitution, or free elections. Remember when we all shared those same principles, no matter our party affiliation? Turns out during all those years, Republicans were lying. Reinstating, or putting anybody in the White House without winning an election is un-American (except you, Gerald Ford, but that was a technicality). Even spreading the Big Lie is un-American.

That was just a brief summary of the lunacy, criminality, and sedition of Michael Flynn. There’s much more. Oh, so much more. There’s a lot about his denial and theories of the coronavirus and vaccines. He’s claimed in the past that the coronavirus is a hoax, was used to destroy Trump and to control us, and that you need a vaccine passport to travel. Now, he should know that’s a lie because he’s been traveling all over the country to speak at lunatic conventions about how you need a vaccine passport to travel. And last night, he supported a brand new conspiracy theory that the vaccine is being hidden in food, specifically salad dressing.

As a reader of mine already pointed out on the posting of this cartoon on Facebook, that dressing would Russian.

Appearing on some internet conspiracy show, Flynn said, “Somebody sent me a thing this morning where they’re talking about putting the vaccine into salad dressing. Or salads. Have you seen this? I mean it’s—and I’m thinking to myself, this is the Bizarro World, right? This is definitely the Bizarro World. … These people are seriously thinking about how to impose their will on us in our society, and it has to stop.” Really, Michael? A “thing?” I got a thing for ya’, you lying disgusting betraying traitor.

What is bizarre is Flynn was actually our National Security Adviser for 24 days. No, not the 24-days part.

There is a study by the University of California researching how vaccines could be grown in food, like plants (in case you’re a Republican, plants are what most salads consist of), so people could ingest their vaccines instead of being jabbed. But this is for the future, not now, and not to trick people. It probably won’t even be for COVID because hopefully, and if idiots like Flynn could stop getting in the way of it, COVID won’t exist anymore by the time we get edible vax.

There are people researching time travel and I know for a fact that doesn’t exist yet because if it did, Donald Trump never would have been president and we’d all be saying, “Michael Flynn who?”. Researching something doesn’t mean we have it. Wilbur and Orville had to research flight before they could actually fly. They didn’t just suddenly put a pair of wings on a bicycle and go, “Wheeee!”

I also know the government isn’t hiding vaccines to the coronavirus in salads. How do I know this? Because if the deep-state government people were hiding the vaccine to trick Trump cultists and Republicans, they wouldn’t be hiding it in salads. That wouldn’t help us stop the virus at all.

How do you trick a dog to eat a pill? You wrap the pill in cheese or peanut butter. You don’t put the pill inside cauliflower. You want the dog to eat it, not just look at with a quizzical expression. And if you give a dog cauliflower, he might run away. I would.

So Michael Flynn is trying to suggest the vaccine is hidden in a patch of arugula? Why didn’t he just claim it’s in sushi? We’d never get the vaccine inside them if they have to learn how to use chopsticks. Fork that!

But, Republicans aren’t eating a lot of vegetables. Look at Trump. He’s never eaten a salad in his life. He thinks the five food groups are, KFC, Big Macs, ketchup, hot dogs, and Arby’s. George H.W. Bush took an official presidential position against broccoli. The entire Republican Party freaked out when First Lady Michelle Obama tried to introduce more salads to America’s schoolchildren. No, if are going to hide the vaccine to trick Republicans, which will be easier than getting dogs to eat cheese, we’ll hide it in some shit they’ll actually eat.

Let’s start with Chick-fil-a. If nothing else, we can scare them from eating there and helping Chick-fil-a finance homophobic hate groups.

Here’s the plan, folks: We hide the vaccine in food the Chick-fil-a menu. We put that shit in their nuggets, their chicken sandwiches, their waffle fries. We’ll even put it in the lemonade. Chick-fil-a has salads but like the ones at McDonalds, I’m sure they’re just for show. Who the fuck goes to McDonalds to eat a salad?

Now, on Sundays, since Chick-fil-a is closed because they’re religious zealots, we’ll hide the vax in food at Cracker Barrel and Cheesecake Factory. Although we’re not actually doing any of this, let’s just say we are…and spread the word.

We, here at Deep-State Incorporated, in conjunction with our reptilian people baby-eating brethren, by praying to Satan, have also created an inhalable vaccine. We’re putting that in MyPillows.

Spread the word.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Fun With Fake Tucker


Cjones09072021

Facts aren’t things used on Fox News, at least not during prime time. That is a fact. Another fact is that Tucker Carlson cannot decide what is and isn’t legal. Tucker Carlson can tell you what he thinks should be legal and not legal, like we all do. But, Tucker can’t tell you something is not a crime when it is.

Producing, selling, or obtaining a fake vaccination card is a crime. This is a fact even though Tucker said on his show last week that “buying a fake vaccination card is not a, quote, ‘serious crime.’”

But it is. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance Jr. seems to think it’s a pretty “serious” crime because he has charged 15 people for participating in a fake-vaccination card ring. Thirteen of these people work in essential-employee settings, such as hospitals.

One woman, allegedly, was selling vaccine passports on Instagram. She sold nearly 250 fake vaccine cards for $200 a pop, in addition to there being an additional “convenience” fee of $250 per customer. Who does she think she is? Ticketmaster? We’re buying fake vax cards here, people…not going to see Pearl Jam…where you will probably need to have a vaccination card. Holy shit, she is Ticketmaster.

Another person then wrongly entered at least 10 individuals into the New York State Immunization Information System database. Yeah, that was “wrongly entered” like the children’s book in Despicable Me being accidentally destroyed with great malice.

That  woman is charged with offering a false instrument for filing in the first degree, conspiracy in the fifth degree and criminal possession of a forged instrument in the second degree. I don’t know, Tucks…all those charges sound pretty serious. I don’t understand half of it, so I know it’s serious.

But in response to this, Tucker said it’s not a serious crime. Right-wing fucknuts have been politicizing the pandemic since it began. But keep in mind, people like Tucker never thought the virus was serious, most of all Donald Trump. MAGAts don’t take it seriously that Trump played it down while it was killing over 630,000 Americans. They didn’t take it seriously when Trump suggested aquarium cleaner as a medical solution, or the time he told everyone to ingest bleach into their bodies.

And Republicans are totally against what they call “vaccine passports” being required to enter establishments. But that’s a great idea. In fact, Fox News thinks it’s a great idea because guess what you need to get into the Fox News building on 6th Avenue. Think about it. Think about it real hard. Did you guess socks? Those are probably heavily suggested, but no. What is required are….wait for it…vaccine passports. It’s also required of all Fox News employees at the network’s Washington, D.C. studio where they shoot…wait for it…Tucker Carlson tonight.

Tucker said about fake vaccine cards: “It’s not even close to a serious crime. Buying a fake vaccination card is an act of desperation by decent, law-abiding Americans who have been forced into a corner by tyrants.” Tucker also said that people are being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want.”

Who? Whos’ being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want?” Who? Who, Tucker? Who? Is there an owl in here? Who the fuck is being forced to take the vaccine? Tucker, you’re a liar. Maybe Tucker was forced to take the vaccine by his employer, who is, let me remind you, Fox News. Maybe Fox News should check Tucker’s vaccination card and make sure it has his name on it and not McLovin’s.

Going on TV and lying to the public every fucking day about a health crisis should be a serious crime.

Tucker says people are buying these fake vaccination cards out of desperation. Desperate for what? Eating in a restaurant? Going to the movies? Going to a night club so you can approach girls and say, “How you doin’?” Desperate to go to Yankee Stadium? I included Yankee Stadium because so far, that’s the only place that wanted to see my card…which I left in my hotel room. Personally, I think it’s weird I needed to show proof of vaccination to enter outdoor Yankee Stadium but not to get on an overly-crowed Amtrak train.

Here’s the thing, Tucks: If people are so “desperate,” then maybe they’d be desperate enough to…Oh, I don’t know….GET THE VACCINE?

So if Tucker’s ID is stolen and then recovered at a porno theater, would it be more embarrassing than say, being caught watching Tucker on Fox News?

My cartoon includes a guy with a sheep, but the real sheep are watching Tucker on Fox News.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Wormy MAGAts


Cjones08262021

Honestly, I didn’t know about this issue until I saw a few cartoons on it. At first, it was just a couple of cartoons by the hyper-partisan guys who go more for Facebook likes than for actually being published in news outlets. I watch news all day long (it’s on right now) and I had not heard of this. Then, I saw one cartoon (just one) by a cartoonist who is very esteemed and I thought, “This might actually be a thing.” So I pulled up a story and holy shit. It is a thing. Antivaxxers are taking deworming medication designed for livestock as a vaccine against the coronavirus. Shockingly, doctors don’t think this is a keen idea.

OK, first off…if you think the vaccines are bad for you then how in the hell do you get to cattle dewormer medication? Do you have to go to a veterinarian? The drug is ivermectin and there was a tweet advising that nobody should take it to treat the coronavirus stating, “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.” Do you know who tweeted that? Bill Maher? Jim Carrey? Me? No. The freakin’ Food and Drug Administration (FDA) tweeted that. Why, it reminds me of that time the FDA had to tell Americans, “DO NOT DRINK BLEACH!” There was also that time the FDA had to tell people not to drink aquarium cleaner.

Mississippi has the highest rate in the nation of deaths and hospitalizations from covid. It has the lowest vaccination rate in the country. And now, it has the highest rate of human deaths from dumb fuckers taking cow pills. I think it’s in pill form. I don’t know. I’ve never owned a cow.

Dr. Thomas Dobbs, the Mississippi’s top health official, said, ““You wouldn’t get your chemotherapy at a feed store. I mean, you wouldn’t treat your pneumonia with your animal’s medication,” he added. “It can be dangerous to get the wrong doses of medication, especially for something that’s meant for a horse or a cow.” Moo, beyotches.

The FDA warns you can overdose on ivermectin, which can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, hypotension (low blood pressure), allergic reactions (itching and hives), dizziness, ataxia (problems with balance), seizures, coma, and death.” It can cause mooing, changing your name to “Bessy,” and excessive cud chewing. It’s udderly ridiculous.

To find people who may have consumed the moo juice, state health officials are now going through Mississippi ringing cow bells to see if any humans come running.

It’s especially dangerous for Trump supporters to take a worm-killing drug since they are MAGAts.

Note: I should be given a cookie for making it through this blog with only one udder joke.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Full Approval Meets Full Crazy


Cjones08252021

I have a friend, let’s call him Mr. Jingle Balls. A few months ago I bumped into Mr. Jingle Balls and his girlfriend in a bar and we decided to sit at a table together and catch up. It had been a while since I’d seen either one of them. We got around to talking about the vaccine for the coronavirus. Ms. Jingle Balls told me she had gotten the vaccine and was glad she did but then went over her entire experience with it because she’s neurotic. Mr. Jingle Balls told me he had not gotten the vaccine and he wouldn’t. I was intrigued.

I didn’t want to debate Mr. Jingle Balls over a beer in a bar but I did want to know why he refuses to get vaccinated. I told him I wasn’t challenging him or trying to debate, but I just wanted to know why. Talking to a real person with a different viewpoint outside of social media is something everyone should do. Get out of your bubble, people. He didn’t go into great detail just stating it wasn’t the kind of thing he does. OK, he didn’t want to get into it but his answer didn’t make any sense. If it’s concern about a strange substance going into his body, that concern is gone with the whiskey, beer, and cigarettes he consumes. Also, he has a Kiss tattoo which is probably double the toxin being that it’s of Gene Simmons. Everyone knows the only safe Kiss tattoo to get is of Ace Frehley. Right now you’re probably asking, “How does Mr. Jingle Balls have a girlfriend?”.

Fun fact: Gene Simmons, like the FDA, has fully approved a vaccine to the coronavirus. You have to be fully vaccinated to attend a Kiss concert. Gene Simmons, the Demon, also claims to have slept with over 4,800 women, so he probably got over the fear of vaccines decades ago.

But, Mr. Jingle Balls isn’t someone I would classify as anti-vaccine. I mean, for himself, yeah. But he’s not on social media waging a war against the vaccine. He’s not trying to persuade people not to get it. Even when we were talking, he didn’t say anything discouraging about the vaccine and that’s one reason why I didn’t want to argue with my friend. For him, it seems more of a personal choice. That’s something anti-vaxxers should not. It’s still a choice.

I have another friend who we’ll call Crazy Mama (because she is), who is definitely anti-vaccine, and shockingly, she’s not a MAGAt wingnut. In fact, she hates Donald Trump but I think she hates vaccines more. She’s been all over social media waging a war against the vaccine and because I love her, I have not challenged her on this (but I have challenged her before on NASCAR. She loves NASCAR and probably has a #3 tattoo somewhere on her body. I’ve never seen her naked, so I don’t know. No, this doesn’t mean I’ve seen Mr. Jingle Balls naked). But, I did ask her once, “why?”. Crazy Mama told me because it hasn’t been approved by the FDA. Well, what’s her excuse going to be now?

The FDA has given full approval to the Pfizer vaccine. What has Crazy Mama got to say about this? I don’t know because since the announcement yesterday, all she’s posted on her Facebook page has been giraffe videos. So she has a thing about giraffes. I knew this. She probably has a giraffe tattoo with a #3 on it.

Yesterday, the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) gave full approval to the Pfizer vaccine to the coronavirus. They’re calling it a “key achievement for public health.” The FDA says the approval means “the public can be very confident that this vaccine meets the high standards for safety, effectiveness, and manufacturing quality the FDA requires of an approved product.” That means it’s no more dangerous than McNuggets.

Why wasn’t it already approved? And how was the product made available to the public before the FDA approved it? Why does anyone eat McNuggets? Those are three good questions.

The reason it was available is because the FDA granted emergency use. That’s kind of an approval right there and we were and are in an emergency. The reason it took so long for an approval is because the FDA takes its business seriously and the vaccines have to go through a full review. A full review does take time. Part of that review requires data on how people fared six months after being fully vaccinated. The reason some people eat McNuggets is fuck if I know.

Did you know they come in a 20-piece? Who in the hell can eat 20 McNuggets? Why would anyone eat 20 McNuggets? The late great Anthony Bourdain once said the McNugget is the most disgusting thing he’s ever put in his mouth, and this is coming from a guy who once ate a roasted anus from a water buffalo.

The two-dose Pfizer vaccine is approved for those 16 and over. There is still an emergency use authorization for those 12-15. The other vaccines, Johnson & Johnson, Moderna, AstraZeneca, etc, will probably follow with FDA approval. There are at least 22 vaccines for the virus worldwide. One is from Russia and even called Sputnik, which if it’s anything like their misinformation propaganda outlet with the same name, I’d have less fear in the anus from the water buffalo. But, still probably better than a McNugget.

A lot of people like Crazy Mama argue there wasn’t enough time to develop these vaccines for them to be effective. They’re wrong. Covid-19 is a successor to the SARS virus outbreak of 2002-03. Scientists have been developing vaccines for SARS since which is nearly two decades. Science stands on the shoulders of science.

Seriously, if you’re afraid of putting the vaccine into your body but you smoke, drink, get tattoos, eat McRibs and McNuggets, shut up.

Hopefully, full approval by the FDA will sway people who have been hesitant to get the vaccine. Dr. Anthony Fauci (who is another Anthony that would probably advise against eating McNuggets) speculates it will convince 20 percent of those who’ve been resistant. It probably won’t sway anti-vaxxers at all. But, it should create more mandates. The full approval will allow the Defense Department to mandate that all service members become vaccinated against the coronavirus. This isn’t as big of a deal as it sounds as the military has always mandated vaccines for its members.

Unfortunately, there still aren’t vaccines to fight against stupid and crazy…or McNuggets.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Florida Taliban


Cjones08152021

Right-wing extremists are encroaching upon innocent victims and insisting they be controlled by their fundamentalists dogma. These extremists are religious nut jobs who abandoned facts and science a long time ago in favor of cultist beliefs. Their outdated culture is used to oppress women and threatens the lives of millions. For these extreme conservatives, their anti-science cult leaders are the heroes and the villains are scientists, doctors, nurses, and educators. The government is being taken over by these racist fundamentalists who have no tolerance for diversity. Many have given up on the area and the innocent and enlightened are encouraged to take their families and flee for their lives before it’s too late.

Yes, my friends…Florida is a lost cause. I also hear Afghanistan is pretty bad.

The Taliban is on the verge of retaking Afghanistan after losing near-complete control two decades ago. A lot of people are blaming President Joe Biden for this as he evacuated all military personnel. But I think this validates the president pulling our troops out. If the government of Afghanistan can’t maintain control of its country after being propped up by the U.S. military for over two decades, then they never will. the only way for us to keep the Taliban from retaking Afghanistan would be for us to be there forever. If anything, we have wasted two decades and according to the Pentagon’s latest numbers, over $815 billion on the war in that nation. Other institutions have that number over $900 billion.

I feel bad for everyone in Afghanistan who’s not a fundamentalist whack job that bans women from schools and blows up statues, but instead of spending $900 billion on a lost cause in Afghanistan, we could have spent that money at home. We could have given everyone a free college education, healthcare, fixed our infrastructure, brought broadband to Arkansas, or at the very least, had taken everyone to Arby’s at least 12 times. Disclaimer: Cartoonists are notoriously bad at math and I’m just guessing at these figures. But I don’t need to be a mathamawhatchmacallit to know we could have funded a lot of cool shit and still gone to Arby’s with $900 billion.

Not only should we give up on Afghanistan, we should also give up on Florida.

Even without the right-wing fundamentalists taking everything over, Florida’s always been a little messed up. Remember the entire hanging chad thing in 2000 when Florida’s election for president was stolen from Al Gore and given to George W. Bush? And then Bush started two wars with one of them being in…wait for it…Afghanistan. So in a way, our two decades war in Afghanistan is kind of Florida’s fault. Thanks, Florida.

We we had high hopes for Florida. President Obama won it twice. We thought Hillary Clinton would win it in 2016 but surprise, Trump took it. I was like, “Whaaaaaa’at?” Then, we thought Andrew Gillum would win the governorship but instead, Florida gave it to guy who ran commercials showing him teaching his daughter how to build a racist border wall out of Legos. Florida let Rick Scott, Voldemort’s doppelganger, go from being its idiotic and hateful governor to being one of its idiotic and hateful senators. The other Senator is Marco Rubio. One of its congressmen is Matt Gaetz, a right-wing Trump cultist idiot who is under investigation for being a pedophile. Then, Florida voted again for Donald Trump.

The most shocking thing about Florida is that Rand Paul and Ted Cruz aren’t from there.

Now, with the Delta Variant proving it’s a really bad idea not to be vaccinated, Ron DeSantis, the racist Lego guy, is trying to prevent schools from mandating face masks.

Also, Florida is full of flying buzzy stingy things, other creatures that crawl and slither and should be in places like Burma instead of the United States, it’s nearly impossible to go through the day without walking into at least one spider web, backyard swimming pools have a 70/30 human to alligator ratio, it’s really sticky, and if you go to the beach, the sand just gets everywhere.

Florida is so toxic that if Dwayne the Rock Johnson was to film one of his crappy movies where he’s wearing a ridiculous hat while he and his muscles are braving the Florida swamps…they’d probably film it in Atlanta. Seriously, everything is being made in Atlanta now, and that stupid hat on The Rock alone is stopping me from seeing Disney’s “Jungle Cruise.” Besides, I already saw “The Mummy.”

Then there’s Florida Man. Who’s Florida Man? Florida Man is a Floridian who does shit like…

Throwing an alligator through a Wendy’s drive-thru window. This is really messed up because you should never drive without putting a seatbelt on your gator.

When Hurricane Irma was hitting Florida, thousands of Florida Mans went outside…to shoot at the hurricane. Why didn’t they just throw alligators at it?

Florida Man decided that when he left a hospital, he should do so by stealing an ambulance.

Florida Man broke into a jail to hang out with his friends. He was lonely. I kinda expect this to happen a lot after Donald Trump is arrested.

Florida Man robbed a Game Stop while wearing a bag on his head…a transparent bag.

Florida Man paints anti-Hillary messages on Tampa Bay crabs. It was probably Matt Gaetz.

Florida Man stole a car while a monkey was clinging to his chest. No word if there was an alligator in the car.

Florida Man steals peacocks.

Florida Man kills a goat and drinks its blood for a Pagan sacrifice…and then runs for the Senate. Shockingly, it was NOT Rick Scott. Also, Paganism is still behind Trumpism for Florida’s favorite cult.

Florida Man tries to burn down his former lover’s house with pasta sauce…while disguised as a bull. That’s actually smart because the costume will throw investigators off. Bulls are well-known for their dislike of pasta.

Florida Man stole a BMW after failing to purchase it with food stamps.

Florida Man practices karate on swans. The swans won.

Florida Man was kicked out of a Trump rally for wearing a fake penis on his head. Only real penises are allowed on heads at Florida Trump rallies. They did let him back in when they realized it was Eric Trump.

Florida Man gets arrested for riding manatees. “Riding” is a euphemism here and it was Matt Gaetz.

Florida Man steals bees.

At another Wendy’s (or maybe the same Wendy’s), Florida Man climbs to the roof in his underwear to yell at traffic.

Another Florida Man smuggled another alligator, a dead one this time, in his car. Do all Florida cars have a 70/30 human to alligator ratio?

Florida Man keeps a dozen stolen zoo animals in his apartment. No word on how many were alligators.

Florida Man tries to walk out of Walmart with over $170 worth of steak and lobster in his pants. At least they weren’t alligators.

Florida Man beats a drag queen with a tiki torch while dressed as Klansman…then runs for mayor. How do they know he wasn’t a Klansman? Also, I’m predicting he ran as a Republican.

Florida Man breaks into a delivery room where his ex is giving birth and starts a fight with her boyfriend.

Florida Man calls 911 to talk about Hitler. Was the call coming from Mar-a-Lago?

And finally, Florida Man screams from a shitty golf course that he won an election he lost and will eventually be reinstated. Next, he’ll climb on top of a Wendy’s with an alligator to scream at traffic about the stolen election. I’m calling it.

I have two clients in Florida (I had more before the pandemic). One of the editors told me I should move to Florida because I would have a Florida topic every day. I could probably support myself just by syndicating to Florida news outlets. But then I look at Florida…and yeah, no. I would really enjoy cartooning Florida but I don’t think I could deal with living there. I know I don’t want to. Honestly, I could probably maybe handle the lunacy, but I can’t handle that kind of heat anymore. And it’s sticky. I hate sticky almost as much as bulls hate pasta.

Ron DeSantis and his fellow right-wing extremists, his Florida Taliban, are intent on destroying Florida. Maybe it’s time we gave up on Florida. The only question is: Where do we resettle all the refugees?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

DeSantis Freedom


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Heads-up: There are probably more Ron DeSantis cartoons coming from me this week. I’ll try to avoid using “Death Santis” or drawing him as the Grim Reaper as both have been used in a lot of other cartoons. Besides, I already drew him as the Grim Reaper this week. You just may not have found it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Biden Zucked Over


Cjones07222021

President Joe Biden started his weekend by calling out social media for allowing false information, lies, conspiracy theories, and right-wing bullshit over the coronavirus and vaccines to persist on their platforms. He said social media is “killing people.” The president (the real one, not the orange doofus in south Florida screaming at the sky and the MyPillow Guy) is right.

Sunday, Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, backed the president up and said, “These platforms have to recognize they’ve played a major role in the increase in speed and scale with which misinformation is spreading.”

Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, also called out misinformation “that is leading to people not taking the vaccine, and people are dying as a result.” She said the White House had a responsibility to raise the issue. And it does, especially after the previous administration spread lies from the White House. It’s nice to have a press secretary that calls out misinformation instead of spreading it. It’s nice to have a press secretary instead of a press goon.

Facebook fired back in a blog post and said it’s not their fault President Biden missed his goal of 70% of Americans being vaccinated by July 4th. Now, if President Biden’s goal for July 4th was to get Mark Zuckerberg to look like a billionaire douche-boy on a windsurfer doohicky thingy while holding an American flag to John Denver’s “Country Roads,” mission accomplished.

In the blog post, Guy Rosen, Facebook’s vice president of integrity (that’s a thing?), claimed that among Facebook’s American users, vaccine hesitancy had declined by 50 percent since April and vaccine acceptance had increased by 10 to 15 percentage points, or to over 80 percent from 70 percent. He wrote, “The fact is that vaccine acceptance among Facebook users in the U.S. has increased.” But so have the the lies. Can Mr. V.P. of Integrity tell us how much resistance to vaccinations has risen? Who are they polling?

Look, Guy…getting rid of one orange flaming gasbag of lies isn’t going to do the trick. Facebook and other platforms are doing an extremely shitty job of eradicating lies. And a lot of times, you guys miss and knock out the good guys spreading facts. I know you can’t catch every piece of bullshit on a platform that has nearly three billion users, but I have personally reported lies just to see Facebook ignore them. I know people who have pages with nothing but lies. And while you’re at it, you should eject any political cartoon that’s based on a conspiracy theory or some stupid shit that Tucker said.

There are lies on Facebook that vaccines will make you sterile, plant tracking devices, cause autism, give you covid, or that it’s even safer to catch covid than to get a vaccine. I’m surprised there aren’t rumors the vaccine will give you a tail.

The anti-vaxxers aren’t just content with themselves not getting the vaccines. They’re on a propaganda campaign to convince others not to get vaccinated. They’re worst than atheist and vegans. You have never met a vegan who didn’t tell you they’re a vegan…and you’re not going to meet an anti-vaxxer who doesn’t tell you anti-vax bullshit.

Anti-vaxxers have politicized the entire thing because they want to see our nation fail. They literally cheered at CPAC when it was mentioned that we had missed the 70 percent vaccination rate. Yay! We’re all gonna die! That’s owning the libs!

These people have already proven they don’t care about democracy. They’ve even proven they don’t care about this country. So, what makes you think they care about other people’s safety? Spoiler alert: They don’t.

And there’s the concern among social media platforms that by removing bullshit that will kill Americans, they’re stifling free speech. They really hate it when Tucker screams at them on Fox News for not allowing white nationalist terrorists a platform. But here’s the thing, nobody has free speech on social media.

You do not have a right to express yourself on social media. That’s a privilege. That applies to liberals telling the truth, right-wing fucknuts telling you Jewish bears are placing tracking chips into our nation’s salmon, grandma sharing cat memes, or my friend Cindy who posts daily selfies (she’s pretty). Even when Facebook removes one of my cartoons (because they’re stupid), I don’t claim my 1st Amendment rights have been violated or claim censorship. I complain about the lack of consistency and that it didn’t actually violate their stupid community guidelines.

If you can’t say something on social media, that doesn’t mean you can’t say it.

And why did the vice-president of integrity write the blog for Facebook’s reply to the president? Was the president of integrity too busy getting high with a hooker?

Two things I can NOT get over right now is that Facebook has an integrity department and that Mark Zuckerberg Country Roads windsurfing video. What Facebook needs is a department that tells oblivious people in the company when they’re looking like a national laughingstock.

Did you know that having “Country Roads” stuck in your head will make you grow a tail?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Door-To-Dorks


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I am drawing another cartoon on this subject for my newspaper clients so I’m going to hold off blogging on it for now. I think it’s too big for me not to cover it for my clients.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Orbital Magnetized MAGA Pants


Cjones06142021

The first thing I thought when I heard Republican congressman Louie Gohmert ask an official of the United States Forest Service if we can combat climate change by changing the orbit of the Earth and the moon was, “Don’t they have their hands full raking forests being set on fire from Jewish space lasers?”

The second thing I thought was, “What a dumbass.”

The third thing I thought was, “Hey, a Republican believes in climate change.”

The fourth thing I thought was, “if he wants to change the Earth’s and moon’s orbits, why isn’t he talking to NASA instead of Smokey the Bear?”

The fifth thing I thought was, “He’s a werewolf.”

And finally I thought, “To combat climate change, a typical Republican would literally rather change the Earth’s orbit than modify his behavior or accept accountability.”

Republicans are stupid, yo. We have Marjorie Taylor Greene believing in Jewish Space lasers and a Satanic deep state eating children. We have Louie Gohmert competing with her for dumbest person in Congress. And then…we have a doctor (a real doctor?) who testified at a state-government hearing in Ohio that vaccines for the coronavirus will…wait for this…magnetize you.

So basically, these vaccines have tracking chips and magnets while also making you immune?

Dr. Sherri Tenpenny, an osteopathic physician, testified as an “expert witness” during a hearing about a bill that will weaken the state’s vaccination laws. She claims, “The shots magnetize people, causing metal objects from pennies to forks to stick to their bodies.” Seriously, I hope you’re washing all that silverware after trying to stick it to your person. Or better yet, buy new stuff to scoop your food with before sticking it in your mouth.

She also said, “I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures all over the internet of people who have had these shots and now they’re magnetized. They can put a key on their forehead. It sticks. They can put spoons and forks all over them and they can stick.” I have NOT seen the pictures “all over the internet” of people doing this stuff.

At that same hearing, someone claiming they were a “registered” nurse defended the doctor, said it’s true and she was an example that could prove it. She stuck a key to her chest and said, “Explain to me why the key sticks to me. It sticks to my neck too.” The key would not stick and kept falling down. You think she’d have tried it at home before the hearing. Anyway, that so-called nurse should definitely be “registered” by some government agency.

This whole conspiracy theory started with the idea Bill Gates was planting tracking chips into the vaccines when honestly, the only person he needs to worry about keeping track of is his wife suing him for divorce.

But, this magnet conspiracy theory has spread like…well, a conspiracy theory. There are even TikTok challenges of people sticking things to themselves. And trust me, if you see a video of someone sticking things to themselves, then it definitely has to be magnets with no other explanations being available like glue…or they’re just nasty by not practicing good hygiene. Also, if your bank and credit cards stop working, it’s probably not the magnets.

But, it’s gotten so crazy that even the Center for Disease Control had to issue a statement debunking the magnet bullshit. Do you remember when the CDC spent most of their time with serious matters? Pretty soon, they’ll probably have to issue a statement saying Louie Gohmert probably isn’t a werewolf. On the whole magnet shit, the CDC said, “No, you fucking fucknuts. Don’t make us come down there and slap you upside the head. Idiots.” No. That’s what they wanted to say.

What they actually said was, “No. Receiving a COVID-19 vaccine will not make you magnetic, including at the site of vaccination which is usually your arm, because the vaccine is free of metals such as iron, nickel, cobalt, lithium, and rare earth alloys, as well as any manufactured products such as microelectronics, electrodes, carbon nanotubes, and nanowire semiconductors that can create an electromagnetic field.” And, Louie Gohmert may or may not be a mentally challenged werewolf.

No, you can’t change the orbit of the Earth and Moon. No, vaccines don’t have tracking chips or magnets. And no, Donald Trump did not wear his pants backwards at last week’s hate rally. Wait, what?

It appears that Donald Trump wore backward pants at that North Carolina hate rally. You know, the one where he continued the lie he won the election and warned that people are trying to destroy the country who don’t have that right…like he does.

But, his pants just looked like they were on backwards. We know this now because the CDC issued a statement….No. We know this because several news outlets hired investigators to spend hours poring over photos and videos of Trump’s nether regions at the event. There’s gotta be a better way to make a living. When they were all done looking at Trump’s crotch, these experts issued their ruling that his pants were NOT on backwards. Why, they even found a zipper in the front.

So, if you’re like Louie Gohmert and currently in orbit around Donald Trump’s ass, that’s probably good to know.

The only explanation for the appearance his pants were worn backwards…which is way less crazy than Jewish space lasers, raking forests, changing orbits, baby-eating deep state, or that vaccines have magnets and tracking chips…is that Donald Trump was wearing a diaper.

Hey, sometimes you gotta poop. Sometimes, that time is while you’re screaming at the sky about winning an election you lost big time and ordering your white nationalist terrorist base to commit insurrection on your behalf. Traitors gotta poop too and sometimes, they like to do it while standing up or walking…or in Trump’s case, waddling.

I don’t believe in the Satanic baby-eating deep state, Jewish space lasers, changing orbits, or the magnets and tracking chips in vaccines…but I can buy into the belief, because he’s full of shit, Donald Trump wears a diaper…

…and Louie Gohmert may be a werewolf. A really, really stupid werewolf.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: