Vaccine

Biden Zucked Over


Cjones07222021

President Joe Biden started his weekend by calling out social media for allowing false information, lies, conspiracy theories, and right-wing bullshit over the coronavirus and vaccines to persist on their platforms. He said social media is “killing people.” The president (the real one, not the orange doofus in south Florida screaming at the sky and the MyPillow Guy) is right.

Sunday, Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, backed the president up and said, “These platforms have to recognize they’ve played a major role in the increase in speed and scale with which misinformation is spreading.”

Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, also called out misinformation “that is leading to people not taking the vaccine, and people are dying as a result.” She said the White House had a responsibility to raise the issue. And it does, especially after the previous administration spread lies from the White House. It’s nice to have a press secretary that calls out misinformation instead of spreading it. It’s nice to have a press secretary instead of a press goon.

Facebook fired back in a blog post and said it’s not their fault President Biden missed his goal of 70% of Americans being vaccinated by July 4th. Now, if President Biden’s goal for July 4th was to get Mark Zuckerberg to look like a billionaire douche-boy on a windsurfer doohicky thingy while holding an American flag to John Denver’s “Country Roads,” mission accomplished.

In the blog post, Guy Rosen, Facebook’s vice president of integrity (that’s a thing?), claimed that among Facebook’s American users, vaccine hesitancy had declined by 50 percent since April and vaccine acceptance had increased by 10 to 15 percentage points, or to over 80 percent from 70 percent. He wrote, “The fact is that vaccine acceptance among Facebook users in the U.S. has increased.” But so have the the lies. Can Mr. V.P. of Integrity tell us how much resistance to vaccinations has risen? Who are they polling?

Look, Guy…getting rid of one orange flaming gasbag of lies isn’t going to do the trick. Facebook and other platforms are doing an extremely shitty job of eradicating lies. And a lot of times, you guys miss and knock out the good guys spreading facts. I know you can’t catch every piece of bullshit on a platform that has nearly three billion users, but I have personally reported lies just to see Facebook ignore them. I know people who have pages with nothing but lies. And while you’re at it, you should eject any political cartoon that’s based on a conspiracy theory or some stupid shit that Tucker said.

There are lies on Facebook that vaccines will make you sterile, plant tracking devices, cause autism, give you covid, or that it’s even safer to catch covid than to get a vaccine. I’m surprised there aren’t rumors the vaccine will give you a tail.

The anti-vaxxers aren’t just content with themselves not getting the vaccines. They’re on a propaganda campaign to convince others not to get vaccinated. They’re worst than atheist and vegans. You have never met a vegan who didn’t tell you they’re a vegan…and you’re not going to meet an anti-vaxxer who doesn’t tell you anti-vax bullshit.

Anti-vaxxers have politicized the entire thing because they want to see our nation fail. They literally cheered at CPAC when it was mentioned that we had missed the 70 percent vaccination rate. Yay! We’re all gonna die! That’s owning the libs!

These people have already proven they don’t care about democracy. They’ve even proven they don’t care about this country. So, what makes you think they care about other people’s safety? Spoiler alert: They don’t.

And there’s the concern among social media platforms that by removing bullshit that will kill Americans, they’re stifling free speech. They really hate it when Tucker screams at them on Fox News for not allowing white nationalist terrorists a platform. But here’s the thing, nobody has free speech on social media.

You do not have a right to express yourself on social media. That’s a privilege. That applies to liberals telling the truth, right-wing fucknuts telling you Jewish bears are placing tracking chips into our nation’s salmon, grandma sharing cat memes, or my friend Cindy who posts daily selfies (she’s pretty). Even when Facebook removes one of my cartoons (because they’re stupid), I don’t claim my 1st Amendment rights have been violated or claim censorship. I complain about the lack of consistency and that it didn’t actually violate their stupid community guidelines.

If you can’t say something on social media, that doesn’t mean you can’t say it.

And why did the vice-president of integrity write the blog for Facebook’s reply to the president? Was the president of integrity too busy getting high with a hooker?

Two things I can NOT get over right now is that Facebook has an integrity department and that Mark Zuckerberg Country Roads windsurfing video. What Facebook needs is a department that tells oblivious people in the company when they’re looking like a national laughingstock.

Did you know that having “Country Roads” stuck in your head will make you grow a tail?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Door-To-Dorks


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I am drawing another cartoon on this subject for my newspaper clients so I’m going to hold off blogging on it for now. I think it’s too big for me not to cover it for my clients.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Orbital Magnetized MAGA Pants


Cjones06142021

The first thing I thought when I heard Republican congressman Louie Gohmert ask an official of the United States Forest Service if we can combat climate change by changing the orbit of the Earth and the moon was, “Don’t they have their hands full raking forests being set on fire from Jewish space lasers?”

The second thing I thought was, “What a dumbass.”

The third thing I thought was, “Hey, a Republican believes in climate change.”

The fourth thing I thought was, “if he wants to change the Earth’s and moon’s orbits, why isn’t he talking to NASA instead of Smokey the Bear?”

The fifth thing I thought was, “He’s a werewolf.”

And finally I thought, “To combat climate change, a typical Republican would literally rather change the Earth’s orbit than modify his behavior or accept accountability.”

Republicans are stupid, yo. We have Marjorie Taylor Greene believing in Jewish Space lasers and a Satanic deep state eating children. We have Louie Gohmert competing with her for dumbest person in Congress. And then…we have a doctor (a real doctor?) who testified at a state-government hearing in Ohio that vaccines for the coronavirus will…wait for this…magnetize you.

So basically, these vaccines have tracking chips and magnets while also making you immune?

Dr. Sherri Tenpenny, an osteopathic physician, testified as an “expert witness” during a hearing about a bill that will weaken the state’s vaccination laws. She claims, “The shots magnetize people, causing metal objects from pennies to forks to stick to their bodies.” Seriously, I hope you’re washing all that silverware after trying to stick it to your person. Or better yet, buy new stuff to scoop your food with before sticking it in your mouth.

She also said, “I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures all over the internet of people who have had these shots and now they’re magnetized. They can put a key on their forehead. It sticks. They can put spoons and forks all over them and they can stick.” I have NOT seen the pictures “all over the internet” of people doing this stuff.

At that same hearing, someone claiming they were a “registered” nurse defended the doctor, said it’s true and she was an example that could prove it. She stuck a key to her chest and said, “Explain to me why the key sticks to me. It sticks to my neck too.” The key would not stick and kept falling down. You think she’d have tried it at home before the hearing. Anyway, that so-called nurse should definitely be “registered” by some government agency.

This whole conspiracy theory started with the idea Bill Gates was planting tracking chips into the vaccines when honestly, the only person he needs to worry about keeping track of is his wife suing him for divorce.

But, this magnet conspiracy theory has spread like…well, a conspiracy theory. There are even TikTok challenges of people sticking things to themselves. And trust me, if you see a video of someone sticking things to themselves, then it definitely has to be magnets with no other explanations being available like glue…or they’re just nasty by not practicing good hygiene. Also, if your bank and credit cards stop working, it’s probably not the magnets.

But, it’s gotten so crazy that even the Center for Disease Control had to issue a statement debunking the magnet bullshit. Do you remember when the CDC spent most of their time with serious matters? Pretty soon, they’ll probably have to issue a statement saying Louie Gohmert probably isn’t a werewolf. On the whole magnet shit, the CDC said, “No, you fucking fucknuts. Don’t make us come down there and slap you upside the head. Idiots.” No. That’s what they wanted to say.

What they actually said was, “No. Receiving a COVID-19 vaccine will not make you magnetic, including at the site of vaccination which is usually your arm, because the vaccine is free of metals such as iron, nickel, cobalt, lithium, and rare earth alloys, as well as any manufactured products such as microelectronics, electrodes, carbon nanotubes, and nanowire semiconductors that can create an electromagnetic field.” And, Louie Gohmert may or may not be a mentally challenged werewolf.

No, you can’t change the orbit of the Earth and Moon. No, vaccines don’t have tracking chips or magnets. And no, Donald Trump did not wear his pants backwards at last week’s hate rally. Wait, what?

It appears that Donald Trump wore backward pants at that North Carolina hate rally. You know, the one where he continued the lie he won the election and warned that people are trying to destroy the country who don’t have that right…like he does.

But, his pants just looked like they were on backwards. We know this now because the CDC issued a statement….No. We know this because several news outlets hired investigators to spend hours poring over photos and videos of Trump’s nether regions at the event. There’s gotta be a better way to make a living. When they were all done looking at Trump’s crotch, these experts issued their ruling that his pants were NOT on backwards. Why, they even found a zipper in the front.

So, if you’re like Louie Gohmert and currently in orbit around Donald Trump’s ass, that’s probably good to know.

The only explanation for the appearance his pants were worn backwards…which is way less crazy than Jewish space lasers, raking forests, changing orbits, baby-eating deep state, or that vaccines have magnets and tracking chips…is that Donald Trump was wearing a diaper.

Hey, sometimes you gotta poop. Sometimes, that time is while you’re screaming at the sky about winning an election you lost big time and ordering your white nationalist terrorist base to commit insurrection on your behalf. Traitors gotta poop too and sometimes, they like to do it while standing up or walking…or in Trump’s case, waddling.

I don’t believe in the Satanic baby-eating deep state, Jewish space lasers, changing orbits, or the magnets and tracking chips in vaccines…but I can buy into the belief, because he’s full of shit, Donald Trump wears a diaper…

…and Louie Gohmert may be a werewolf. A really, really stupid werewolf.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Maskless Ban


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Vaccine Passport


Cjones04132021

What are vaccine passports and why are they so controversial?

Let’s address the controversial part first. They’re controversial because Republicans whine about everything. White male conservatives are the most persecuted group in world history…if you listen to them. They made the coronavirus political. They denied it existed. They politicized wearing face masks. They tried to downplay the deaths and are still working to remove the virus as the cause for many of them. They were willing to sacrifice their grandparents and children to reopen the economy to help Donald Trump’s reelection. A lot of Republicans are claiming the vaccine is a way for the government to track you. And leave it to Republicans to make something racist out of the virus. Republicans think being denied the ability to discriminate against other people is discrimination against them.

Now, they’re upset over there being passports for the vaccine. Red hillbilly states like Florida and Texas, home to such evil sports teams as the Buccaneers and Cowboys, are trying to outlaw the passports. But what is the vaccine passport?

The vaccine passport is a digital chip the government inserts inside your brain so when you try to enter someplace, like a football stadium, a grocery store, or your local center for indoctrination and re-education, someone can scan your head to confirm it’s safe for others if you enter. Those who refuse to be vaccinated will be restrained to a chair with their eyelids opened by clamps and forced to watch A Clockwork Orange repeatedly while being fed soylent green through a tube.

Just kidding. There is a severe shortage of soylent green.

Seriously, it’s a digital code you can carry in your smartphone…that’s already tracking you. Right now, Mark Zuckerberg knows where you are…and he wants you to wash your hands before you stick them in what you’re planning to stick them into. He sees you and thinks what you’re doing is disgusting. Ew. You nasty.

It’s not really a passport. It’s a certificate. But these things are not anything new. Proof of vaccinations for various viruses have long been used to gain entry into schools, medical facilities, or other nations.

Let me ask our fucknut friends this question: If someone returns from an Ebola hot zone in Africa, should they show proof they were vaccinated before entering the United States? Conservatives will most likely say yes and that it’s a different circumstance than the coronavirus. I’ll let you work out why that would be different.

Here’s the important detail, kids: The “passport” is NOT a federal thing. Nope. It’s not. Sure, Fox News probably told you some bullshit, between airings of the supposed Hunter Biden sex tape with two women, that it’s being mandated by President Joe Biden and they’re going to send Susan Rice house to house checking for passports, and those who don’t have them will be placed on trains because if they’re allowed to continue running around all willy-nilly like, they’ll make it difficult to steal the next election from Donald Trump.

That’s the equivalency Republicans are using. It’s just like when Nazis branded Jews, then put them on trains, melted the gold in their teeth so Hitler could buy more paintings to hide in Switzerland, branded them with numbers, then murdered them in gas chambers and used their bodies for soap. Sure, showing a QR code on your iPhone to enter Costco to purchase 88 gallons of mayonnaise is exactly like that. It’s crazy, right? Who needs that much mayonnaise?

It should be noted the federal government has NOT mandated that you receive a vaccine. These so-called passports are for local governments and businesses to decide. Say you get a vaccine and the provider gives you a code. It’s up to businesses to decide if they require you to have it to enter, though Florida and Texas want to outlaw businesses from being able to do this.

I had a conversation with a cartoonist friend fairly recently. We’ll call him Glenn. Glenn says he had the coronavirus a few months ago and he will not be taking the vaccine. He argued more people have died from the vaccine than from a second case of the virus. Glenn’s argument is based on ignorance. It ignores there are variants of the virus. It ignores we don’t have all the information on these variants yet. He ignores that the CDC advises you to get the vaccine even if you had the virus. He also believe face masks are stealing liberty. But the one thing that really stood out to me about Glenn’s argument was that it was all about Glenn.

Glenn only talked about how getting the vaccine would affect Glenn. He didn’t talk about how it would affect those around him, his family and friends, or society in general. Glenn is a Trump-supporting racist fucknut. He loves MAGA terrorists and false equivalencies. He loves using conspiracy theories to push baseless arguments. He believes he’s a patriot while demanding the nation reopen while not personally offering any sacrifices of his own to reopen the nation…like taking the vaccine. Glenn also supports voter IDs that are mandated…wait for it…by the government.

Seriously. Is this a false equivalency? No, it’s not. Voting is a constitutional right. You should not have to pay for an ID to vote. You should not have trouble getting an ID to vote. Republicans want the government to mandate that an ID must be presented to vote. Republicans also want it to be as difficult as fucking possible to get an ID to vote…if you’re black. But, they want a bakery to have the right to refuse to make a gay wedding cake with two baseball player figurines on the top, but not the right to require you have proof of a vaccination to enter.

Personally, I’m for a federal mandate where every conservative Trump-supporting fucknut is branded on the forehead just so we know what we’re dealing with when we encounter them. We can call it the “Aldo Raine Program.” While we’re at it, we should brand those who think they need 88 gallons of mayonnaise.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Paul’s Peckers


cjones03212021

Normally, when Rand Paul gets his ass kicked, it’s in a political debate. In 2017, he literally got his ass kicked by one of his neighbors in his gated community in Kentucky.

Reportedly, the scuffle was over yard work and Paul claimed he was ambushed from behind right after he got off his riding lawnmower. His attacker was five-foot-six and weighed about 140 pounds (which would be like getting attacked by a 13-year-old boy), and left Rand Paul with six broken ribs.

Tim Pritts, a doctor at the University of Cincinnati Medical School (who didn’t treat Paul) said six broken ribs is “more consistent with a car accident, or a fall down a flight of stairs, or even from the top of a building.” He said, “I’ve seen a few from people getting kicked by horses.” Rand Paul did not get kicked by a horse, or a cow, or a gopher, and thank god for that because a kick from any one of those might have killed him.

What is it with the tough guy Republicans? You got one in Texas who kisses the ass of a man who calls his wife ugly and accuses his father of murder and then you got another in Kentucky getting his ass kicked by guys no larger than….hmmmm. No larger than someone like Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Now, I’m not suggesting Dr. Anthony Fauci leap from his table and physically assault Rand Paul the next time he accuses the medical expert of “theater” or attempts to bully and shout him down…I’m just saying I think 80-year-old Dr. Fauci can take him.

Yesterday’s exchange between Paul and Fauci wasn’t the first. And for Fauci’s sake, I hope it’s the last. Dr. Fauci is the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the chief medical advisor to the president and it’s beneath him to have to argue science with the likes of Rand Paul, who is a self-certified eye doctor.

Yes, Rand Paul created a commission that certifies eye doctors, stacked it with members of his own family who then certified him…and his certification still expired. Apparently, it’s easier to become a doctor in Kentucky than on an island in the Caribbean.

I tweeted yesterday, “If I need information on the coronavirus and I can go to either Dr. Anthony Fauci, an expert on disease and viruses or Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor, I’m going to Dr. Fauci, the expert on viruses. Duh! Now, if I need to talk to an expert about my eyes….oh, fuck it. I’m still going to Dr. Fauci.”

I would not see Rand Paul for an ingrown toenail. I wouldn’t ask the guy how to get rid of dandruff…and looking at his hair, why would I? Maybe ask him how to get rid of birds nesting in it. But no, I wouldn’t consult Rand Paul on anything medical. And that’s why it’s such a laugh and absurd when he takes on Dr. Fauci on the subject of science.

Who is Rand Paul going to lecture next? Maybe he’ll school Steven Spielberg on how to direct movies. Maybe he’ll give Denzel Washington acting lessons. Perhaps he would have instructed Julia Child on how to make a soufflé. Or, he can advise Donald Trump on how pay hush money after raw-dogging porn stars. It would be like any time someone on Fox News talks about journalism.

Rand Paul believes his neighbor kicked his ass over politics. His other neighbors believe it’s more of an issue of Rand Paul being an asshole and not being aware of it. Watching the hearings from yesterday, or any other time Rand Paul has ever opened his mouth, you get the impression it’s the asshole thing. And maybe he is aware of it because Rand Paul is the kind of asshole to know he’s an asshole and yet continue to be an asshole. Rand Paul owns the only ass in Washington Lindsey Graham won’t kiss.

Rand Paul caught the coronavirus and while waiting for the test results, continued to roam about the Capitol, visiting the gym (gotta build the muscles in case there’s another dwarf attack), and swam in the pool. He didn’t consider those around him…which is typical selfish behavior for a Republican. Since he caught the virus, which shockingly did not kill him, he has believed he is immune. Maybe it’s like that medical certification and he believes after getting it once, he’ll never need it again. Now, Paul has refused to EVER wear a mask or to get vaccinated. Even Donald Trump, who caught the virus and received the world’s best medical treatment, got vaccinated. It was a secret for at least two months, but he still did it.

Rand Paul went after Fauci yesterday and said, “You’re telling everyone to wear a mask. If we’re not spreading the infection, isn’t it just theater? You have the vaccine and you’re wearing two masks, isn’t that theater?”

Dr. Fauci replied, “Here we go again with the theater. Let’s get down to the facts.” And Dr. Fauci laid out the facts.

Dr. Fauci told Paul, “I agree with you, that you very likely would have protection from wild type for at least six months if you’re infected,” but pointed out there is no protection from some of the more infectious variants, like the one one first found in South Africa. The variants are a “good reason for a mask,” he said.

But, Rand Paul is an asshole. He said, “You’re making policy based on conjecture!” Paul interrupted Fauci and accused him of wanting people to wear masks “for another couple of years” and said, “You’ve been vaccinated and you parade around in two masks for show. If you already have immunity, you’re wearing a mask to give comfort to others. You’re not wearing a mask because of any science.”

Right there is the biggest sign of what a jerk Rand Paul is. He used the word “parading” to describe Fauci being safe. No, Rand. “Parading” is not what you do by being considerate of others and wearing a mask…or even two masks. “Parading” is what Nazis and Klansmen do to celebrate Republican victories.

Dr. Fauci is correct. The Center for Disease Control’s guidelines state those who have been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 should still wear a mask in public. But, hey…I’m sure this self-certified eye doctor who lost his certification knows more about the coronavirus than the CDC or the nation’s top infectious diseases expert.

I admire Dr. Fauci. I admire his honesty, candor, and professionalism. I also admire him for not leaping over the table and beating Rand Paul to death with his own nameplate. Rand Paul got his ass beat over the way he cut his grass. How in the hell did he not get pummeled while lecturing the nation’s top infectious diseases expert on infectious diseases?

And if a pair of love birds ever did nest in that unruly mess on top of Rand Paul’s head, you know at some point they’d peck his eyes out.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Covid Cheater


cjones02042021

We often treat sports as politics and politics as sports. One difference is you may be so tribal that you can’t admit fault with your political party, but you’ll continue to cheer on your favorite sports team while criticizing the coach, owner, quarterback, and maybe even the entire organization. But you knew you are talking to a real zealot when a person defends Tony Romo.

Sports is like politics in that you get think it’s wrong for a president to issue executive orders, except when he’s your president. It’s like cheering a holding call is against the other team…but complaining when your team gets it.

Sometimes politics is like religion and you’re a member of a party because that’s how you were raised. Maybe if your daddy was a fucknut troglodyte, he never acquired the ability to think critically and he passed it down to you. Most people practice the same religion as their parents. And a lot of people a fans of the teams their parents supported. Basically, people put the same emphasis on choosing a religion as they do a sports team.

There are people who like teams because of the colors, logo, players, etc; most people support a team from their region. I’m one of those. I grew up mostly in Louisiana and I am a New Orleans Saints fan. I also grew up partly in a Chicago suburb and for some reason, the Bears didn’t get to me but the Cubs did. But I like the Saints which means I hate the other teams in the division which works out because there’s nothing to like about any of those teams.

The Atlanta Falcons suck. The Carolina Panthers suck. And for the love of God, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers suck. If the Bucs didn’t play the Saints twice a year, I’d still hate them. Years ago, they fired their coach, Tony Dungy, who had rebuilt them from being the doormat of the league to a team that went to the playoffs repeatedly. But they fired Dungy because he didn’t get them to the Super Bowl. The very next year, with the team Dungy built, the Bucs went to the Super Bowl with John Gruden. John Gruden never built a good team again but to this day, a lot of people think he’s a football genius for inheriting a team someone else built. By the way, Dungy is black and Gruden is white. That’s probably not a factor here but isn’t it indicative of that this country does, a white man taking credit for something a black man built? Go ask Donald Trump about that economy he built.

And in case you don’t follow sports, after Tampa fired Tony Dungy for not getting them to a Super Bowl, he was hired by the Indianapolis Colts, another doormat piece-of-crap franchise, and took them to the Super Bowl.

But I hate the Buccaneers…and I really don’t like Tom Brady. So naturally, the two paired up. Naturally, they’re going to the fucking Super Bowl.

Why would anyone hate Tom Brady? Because he’s Tom Brady.

Tom Brady is a whiner. He whines after every play that doesn’t go his way. What’s worse is, it works. Did you see the NFC championship game against the Packers? Did you see the playoff game against the Saints? And even if he doesn’t whine, I swear there’s a bias from the refs when it comes to Brady or the team he’s on. There are a lot of calls that aren’t called…and a lot of calls that shouldn’t have been. About a decade ago, when Brett Favre lost a championship game, the NFL changed some playoff rules that would have sent him to the Super Bowl. If Brady would have lost against the Packers, I would have expected the league to create another Brady rule. Yes, the league created a rule to protect Tom Brady from getting hit. This was before he started letting air out of his balls.

Tom Brady played for a team that cheated, the Patriots. There was Spygate, where the Patriots filmed other teams’ practices. Then, there was Deflategate, which got Tom suspended for four games which he fought in federal courts for nearly a year. Brady played for a team that cheated…and Brady cheated.

Tom Brady is just lucky in life. He married a supermodel. He’s been to ten Super Bowls. There are entire teams that haven’t been to one Super Bowl (Lions, Browns, Texans, and Jaguars), yet Brady’s been to ten. Then he goes to Tampa, a team that’s sucked since their last Super Bowl and in his very first year, he gets them back to the Super Bowl. They lost twice to my team last year, yet beat them in the playoffs. The dude is just lucky.

A new reason to hate Tom: He has a company that sells vitamin supplements. During the coronavirus pandemic, Brady started selling at $45 a bottle, a non-FDA approved, homeopathic medley of vitamins that allegedly will “activate your immune system.” And then…you’re gonna love this shit, kids…the company got nearly $1 million from the first Coronavirus relief package. Our tax money gave Tom Brady, who is worth around $200 million, a million bucks to hawk his snake oil. Technically, it’s a loan, but since he’s Tom Brady, he’s not gonna have to pay that loan back.

And on top of everything already listed, Tom Brady is a Trump supporter.

And now, Tom is going back to the Super Bowl at 43 years of age, looking like he’s 23, and he should be the underdog going up against the team that won it all last year, the Kansas City Chiefs. But since he’s Tom Brady, there’s some supernatural shit happening when teams play against him. Also, he has home-field advantage. No team has ever played at home during a Super Bowl. But naturally, the game is in Tampa…in the Buccaneers stadium. Fuck life. I mean, have they already put Tom Brady’s name on the trophy yet?

Now I don’t know if Tom Brady has received a vaccination for the coronavirus, but since he’s Tom Brady, it wouldn’t surprise me.

So I never did like Tom Brady. But now, I hate the guy. And if you don’t hate Tom Brady, why not?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vaxxing The Game


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Hoaxes and Lollies


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We’ve learned a lot about about the coronavirus over the past year. We’re still learning about it and information changes. We’ve learned that wearing face masks and practicing social distancing is effective in preventing the spread of the virus. We’ve learned that holding MAGA rallies is dangerous beyond spreading racism throughout the nation. And we have learned that downplaying and denying that the virus is dangerous doesn’t make you immune from it.

Herman Cain downplayed the virus and went to a Trump rally, didn’t wear a face mask and didn’t practice social distancing. He’s dead. Luke Letlow was just elected to represent the Louisiana district that includes the place I grew up in. He held many rallies where masks weren’t required. He didn’t advocate precaution. Despite being only 41, Lutlow died from the virus last week.

Knowing that downplaying the virus doesn’t protect you from it, several Republicans have rushed to be first in line to receive the vaccination.

Senators Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and even Rand Paul (who claimed he is immune after catching the virus) have all received vaccines even though each of them downplayed it. Rubio attacked the media for its virus coverage. Ernst claimed hospitals were making up the number of deaths from covid because they get reimbursed for covid deaths (that’s not true). Graham refused to take a test for the virus before a debate despite gooning around with people who were infected.

Some argue it’s good that these deniers and fucknuts who have spent the past four years making this nation a much more dangerous place to live because of their enabling of Donald Trump, should get the virus now. Why? Because it shows the MAGAt and Qanon base that the virus is safe and it doesn’t contain microchips to track their locations. Also, the senators have been tweeting photos of them receiving the virus and we can tell from the pics that the health professionals are not lizard people.

Others say that no matter how they politicized the virus, which led to people dying, these senators should receive the vaccine because they’re VIPs, very important people.

Mike Pence is the leader of the Coronavirus Task Force which did an all-around shitty job of fighting the pandemic. Pence stood by Donald Trump’s side while he lied about the virus and attacked and mocked the people who were fighting it. Mike Pence went on camera to show the world he was getting the vaccine.

And it’s important that the Vice-President (sic) receive the vaccine despite being a part of an administration that watched over 347,000 Americans die. It’s important that he receive the vaccine because Mike Pence is not replaceable. We would not be able to find a bigger ass-kissing toadie troglodyte to stand behind Donald Trump with a fawning look of either adoration or a much-anticipated bowel movement finally happening than we have in Mike Pence.

So, it’s very important that the irreplaceable Mike Pence receive the vaccine a month before we replace him.

As for those senators…we can replace every single one of them. Proof of that is, a few of them are being replaced. We just had an election and we threw out Republicans in Arizona, Nevada, and Colorado. They are being replaced. We’re even replacing a really great senator in Alabama with an idiot who thinks the three branches of government are the House, Senate, and presidency, that the Constitution prevents one party from holding all three, it’s OK to fundraise in federal office buildings (Donald Trump does), that Al Gore was president for 30 days before the Supreme Court (which is NOT one of the three branches) took it away from him, and in World War II, we were fighting socialism. Good job, Alabama in electing a guy with a bachelors degree in physical education.

As for the virus deniers receiving the vaccine to lead by example…nobody follow their examples. It will not convince the conspiracy people to get vaccinated.

Donald Trump spent months challenging the virus. He held rallies and attended super-spreader events. He mocked face masks. He attacked doctors and scientists. We all thought there was no way he would catch the virus because karma had been hitting the snooze button for the past four years. But then, despite holding super-spreader event after super-spreader event and hanging out with infected people repeatedly, Donald Trump shocked the world by catching the virus. In fact, dozens of people attending an event at the White House caught the virus. How did this happen? They said the virus was a hoax. They said it was safe to go without face masks. It was safe to hold huge parties with assholes and racists. They said it was safe to breathe in the same air as Rudy Giuliani despite covid and farts.

Donald Trump was rushed to the hospital in Marine One. He was so panicked, that even he wore a face mask while weebling to the helicopter. A team of medical professionals attended to Trump around the clock and gave him experimental medication which included steroids. And then, Donald Trump went back to holding and attending super-spreader events and mocking and attacking doctors, scientists, and anyone else who was taking the pandemic seriously.

After seeing their hero catch the virus and nearly die, did his base start to take the pandemic seriously? Of course not. They’re still in denial and screaming that wearing a face masks is an assault on their freedom and liberty.

So, let’s stop giving the vaccine to the deniers. Or at least stop giving it to them before the rest of us. Marco Rubio is 49. He can wait. He can wait with the rest of us for when it’s available at our local CVS pharmacy. Because even if something tragic and horrible happened like Marco Rubio catching the coronavirus, and as awful as that would be…we can replace him. He represents Florida. Certainly, there’s at least one more insane moron from the Florida available. I’d start in Jacksonville.

We can replace him just like we’re replacing Donald Trump and Mike Pence. Catching the virus can kill you. Replacing stupid Republicans will not.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (12 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Update on book: They’re here but…I forgot to order envelopes. Shit. Envelopes are on the way. I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have assumed I had enough on hand. I swear that about 30 book envelopes disappeared out of my apartment.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Tracking Crazy


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Trump troglodytes can’t have it both ways, can they? In their minds, yes.

The Trump cult already says there was mass election fraud and millions of votes for Donald Trump were switched to Joe Biden…but the votes for other Republicans are valid. Ignore that Trump and down-ballot Republican candidates were on the same ballots. For their argument to work, you have to believe the voting machines fucked with the Trump votes but left the other Republican votes alone.

They said they wouldn’t recognize President Obama and did everything they could to obstruct him. They even said he wasn’t eligible for president because he was born in Kenya. After Trump was elected, they said, “Get over it.”

When President Obama made executive orders, they claimed he was acting like a monarch. When Trump did it, it was the best thing ever and owning the libs.

For decades, they screamed about family values and said Bill Clinton wasn’t qualified to be president because of his conduct with women. When Donald Trump said, “Grab them by the pussy,” well that’s just Trump being Trump.

When Obama was president, they claimed he didn’t love America and was allowing Russia to run over us. When Trump gave national security intel to Putin and refused to ever criticize him, they said, “So what?”.

When Obama was president, they claimed he was on an “apology tour” which was insulting and blaming the United States. When told that Putin had journalists murdered and Trump said, “So? You think we’re so nice?” His supporters just didn’t care.

Republicans claimed that President Obama would refuse to leave the White House or give up power. Why, he might actually enact martial law to remain president. Today, they’re screaming to Trump to declare martial law and steal the election.

With the coronavirus, Trump has taken credit for every success while blaming states for death rates. Donald Trump is taking credit for the vaccine being here but ignoring the massive problems with distribution.

And now, the MAGAts are saying we should praise Donald Trump for the vaccine. It wouldn’t have been possible so quickly without him. And many of them saying that are also saying they won’t take the vaccine. Why? Because the deep state will use it to plant a microchip tracking device inside them. Fucknut propagandist Ben Garrison has stated as much in his cartoons…while praising Trump for the vaccine. He also draws Trump with muscles.

Here’s a fun fact: There are tracking devices with the vaccine…on the vials. That’s probably more than the fucknuts needed to begin spreading conspiracy theories. The tracking devices on the vials is for stuff like making sure the vaccine has not expired. The chip has to be scanned for anyone to read the data. The chip is NOT in the syringe. The chip wouldn’t fit inside the syringe and if it did, it wouldn’t work. To track you, someone would have to follow you around with a scanner. So I don’t think you have anything to worry about unless strangers start walking up to you and try to scan your ass.

Actually, that might be fun. Let’s go to MAGA rallies and just start scanning people and watch them freak out. If they get too upset, we’ll just tell them it’s beeping because it’s a gaydar.

Does your dog have a chip? The chip to track your Fluffy doesn’t really track Fluffy. It’s a backup identification system in case your pet is found. It, too, has to be scanned. It’s not a GPS device. Do you honestly believe the government could manage an intricate computer/GPS system tracking every American? That would be some serious deep-state shit there.

But there is a video on Facebook that’s probably been viewed over 300,000 times at this point, claiming the vaccine contains a tracking device. Qanon type people believe this kind of stuff.

I wish there was a tracking device in MAGAts and there was a website for the general public showing where they are. We could use it like we use the internet to locate them. They’re all at Parler so hey, let’s not go to Parler.

Why would anyone want to track MAGAts? The only reason to know where Trump supporters are is so we don’t go there.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: