vaccine passport

Fun With Fake Tucker


Cjones09072021

Facts aren’t things used on Fox News, at least not during prime time. That is a fact. Another fact is that Tucker Carlson cannot decide what is and isn’t legal. Tucker Carlson can tell you what he thinks should be legal and not legal, like we all do. But, Tucker can’t tell you something is not a crime when it is.

Producing, selling, or obtaining a fake vaccination card is a crime. This is a fact even though Tucker said on his show last week that “buying a fake vaccination card is not a, quote, ‘serious crime.’”

But it is. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance Jr. seems to think it’s a pretty “serious” crime because he has charged 15 people for participating in a fake-vaccination card ring. Thirteen of these people work in essential-employee settings, such as hospitals.

One woman, allegedly, was selling vaccine passports on Instagram. She sold nearly 250 fake vaccine cards for $200 a pop, in addition to there being an additional “convenience” fee of $250 per customer. Who does she think she is? Ticketmaster? We’re buying fake vax cards here, people…not going to see Pearl Jam…where you will probably need to have a vaccination card. Holy shit, she is Ticketmaster.

Another person then wrongly entered at least 10 individuals into the New York State Immunization Information System database. Yeah, that was “wrongly entered” like the children’s book in Despicable Me being accidentally destroyed with great malice.

That  woman is charged with offering a false instrument for filing in the first degree, conspiracy in the fifth degree and criminal possession of a forged instrument in the second degree. I don’t know, Tucks…all those charges sound pretty serious. I don’t understand half of it, so I know it’s serious.

But in response to this, Tucker said it’s not a serious crime. Right-wing fucknuts have been politicizing the pandemic since it began. But keep in mind, people like Tucker never thought the virus was serious, most of all Donald Trump. MAGAts don’t take it seriously that Trump played it down while it was killing over 630,000 Americans. They didn’t take it seriously when Trump suggested aquarium cleaner as a medical solution, or the time he told everyone to ingest bleach into their bodies.

And Republicans are totally against what they call “vaccine passports” being required to enter establishments. But that’s a great idea. In fact, Fox News thinks it’s a great idea because guess what you need to get into the Fox News building on 6th Avenue. Think about it. Think about it real hard. Did you guess socks? Those are probably heavily suggested, but no. What is required are….wait for it…vaccine passports. It’s also required of all Fox News employees at the network’s Washington, D.C. studio where they shoot…wait for it…Tucker Carlson tonight.

Tucker said about fake vaccine cards: “It’s not even close to a serious crime. Buying a fake vaccination card is an act of desperation by decent, law-abiding Americans who have been forced into a corner by tyrants.” Tucker also said that people are being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want.”

Who? Whos’ being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want?” Who? Who, Tucker? Who? Is there an owl in here? Who the fuck is being forced to take the vaccine? Tucker, you’re a liar. Maybe Tucker was forced to take the vaccine by his employer, who is, let me remind you, Fox News. Maybe Fox News should check Tucker’s vaccination card and make sure it has his name on it and not McLovin’s.

Going on TV and lying to the public every fucking day about a health crisis should be a serious crime.

Tucker says people are buying these fake vaccination cards out of desperation. Desperate for what? Eating in a restaurant? Going to the movies? Going to a night club so you can approach girls and say, “How you doin’?” Desperate to go to Yankee Stadium? I included Yankee Stadium because so far, that’s the only place that wanted to see my card…which I left in my hotel room. Personally, I think it’s weird I needed to show proof of vaccination to enter outdoor Yankee Stadium but not to get on an overly-crowed Amtrak train.

Here’s the thing, Tucks: If people are so “desperate,” then maybe they’d be desperate enough to…Oh, I don’t know….GET THE VACCINE?

So if Tucker’s ID is stolen and then recovered at a porno theater, would it be more embarrassing than say, being caught watching Tucker on Fox News?

My cartoon includes a guy with a sheep, but the real sheep are watching Tucker on Fox News.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Happy Dance


Cjones07282021

A lot of Republicans’ logic for believing Donald Trump won the election is because he had rallies with thousands of people and Joe Biden did not. They are using desires instead of facts to support their beliefs, but there is a great explanation as to why Joe Biden can win an election without holding massive campaign rallies.

The very simple reason why Joe Biden won the election is because the people who voted for him aren’t in a cult. Have you seen political rallies that were not Trump rallies? If so, compare the way they look to Trump rallies. The MAGAts come out emblazoned with Trump gear, professing their love for Donald Trump, as if he’s the Second Coming. Trust me on this, Trump supporters, it’s not a good look.

President Joe Biden won the election because more people in this country voted for him. Just because you can fill up an arena with 15,000 morons doesn’t mean you have the majority of the country. We outnumber you idiots. There’s just enough of you to embarrass us internationally.

I’ve seen Trumpers say, “I refuse to believe more people would vote for Biden instead of Trump.” But why is that so hard to believe? More people voted against him in 2016 too. Even George W. Bush won the popular vote at least once.

You can support a politician without flying multiple giant flags on the back of your monster truck. We don’t need to wear Biden hats or shirts on a daily basis. We don’t leave campaign signs in our yard year-round. This is the kind of shit MAGAts do. The MAGAts believe they are part of a movement and their wearing it is a display of this movement. It’s not a movement. It’s a cult. When we see you parading around in your Trump gear and flying MAGA flags off your vehicles, we are not impressed. You look pathetic.

The Republican Party is a cult. It’s a cult that’s against vaccine passports while requiring a loyalty oath to Trump. They say, “Nobody should be forced to take a vaccine.” I don’t think anyone should be forced to take a loyalty oath.

Every GOP candidate for 2022 is running, not on a conservative or Republican platform, but on a Trump platform. What’s in the Trump platform? Just Trump. You have to praise Trump to be a member of today’s GOP. I really hope the Democrats retain control of Congress next year because there will probably be more GOP representatives who are members of Qanon.

Congressional Republicans want House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy to punish colleagues Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for accepting positions on the January 6 Committee from House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi vetoed two of McCarthy’s picks who were Trump loyalists. Cheney and Kinzinger also voted to impeach Donald Trump. And in case your memory needs refreshing, the GOP caucus has already punished Liz Cheney by removing her from a leadership position and giving it to a Trump cultist.

This movement started with the Freedom Caucus, who are a bunch of extreme right-wing hateful fucks. But now it’s spreading throughout the more mainstream body of House Republicans. But it’s not just the extreme portion of the party that’s living outside reality. It’s not just the extreme portion demanding subservience to Trump.

When you are demanding that Trump be reinstated…just given the presidency, then you’re loyalty is not to the United States or the Constitution. Congratulations. You’re in a cult.

Republicans are worried vaccines are a method for the government to control you. They’re afraid of “vaccine passports,” and Tucker Carlson has compared them to Jim Crow laws. Others have compared them to the Holocaust and the branding of Jews by Nazi Germany. And yet, their unquestioned loyalty to Donald Trump is comparable to the loyalty Nazis demanded for Hitler. They have been controlled by their cult to fear monger that vaccines will control you. Once again, conservatives fail with irony.

I took the vaccine, yet I don’t sense a loyalty to the government. I still question the government. I voted for Joe Biden and there are issues I question him on. I have a vaccine card but nobody has tried to control me with it except the New York Yankees. Amtrak didn’t ask to see a vaccination card. My hotel in New York didn’t ask to see one. No establishment between Virginia, Washington, or New York City has asked to see my vaccination card…except the New York Yankees.

Come to think of it, I do have a Yankees cap…and a shirt, even while I’m also a Cubs fan. Oh, crap. I’m being controlled and may be in a cult. Have I been brainwashed to believe you can’t get a better hot dog than the ones at Yankee Stadium? But, if asked, I couldn’t name one Yankees player. I suck at cults.

I don’t think we should force people to take vaccines…but I do believe we should force Republicans to dance. No, not the happy dance. Each time one of them says something that’s not true, they should be forced to do the Little-Wrong-Man Dance. That’s something we had in our family but looking back, it never worked with us either.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vaccine Passport


Cjones04132021

What are vaccine passports and why are they so controversial?

Let’s address the controversial part first. They’re controversial because Republicans whine about everything. White male conservatives are the most persecuted group in world history…if you listen to them. They made the coronavirus political. They denied it existed. They politicized wearing face masks. They tried to downplay the deaths and are still working to remove the virus as the cause for many of them. They were willing to sacrifice their grandparents and children to reopen the economy to help Donald Trump’s reelection. A lot of Republicans are claiming the vaccine is a way for the government to track you. And leave it to Republicans to make something racist out of the virus. Republicans think being denied the ability to discriminate against other people is discrimination against them.

Now, they’re upset over there being passports for the vaccine. Red hillbilly states like Florida and Texas, home to such evil sports teams as the Buccaneers and Cowboys, are trying to outlaw the passports. But what is the vaccine passport?

The vaccine passport is a digital chip the government inserts inside your brain so when you try to enter someplace, like a football stadium, a grocery store, or your local center for indoctrination and re-education, someone can scan your head to confirm it’s safe for others if you enter. Those who refuse to be vaccinated will be restrained to a chair with their eyelids opened by clamps and forced to watch A Clockwork Orange repeatedly while being fed soylent green through a tube.

Just kidding. There is a severe shortage of soylent green.

Seriously, it’s a digital code you can carry in your smartphone…that’s already tracking you. Right now, Mark Zuckerberg knows where you are…and he wants you to wash your hands before you stick them in what you’re planning to stick them into. He sees you and thinks what you’re doing is disgusting. Ew. You nasty.

It’s not really a passport. It’s a certificate. But these things are not anything new. Proof of vaccinations for various viruses have long been used to gain entry into schools, medical facilities, or other nations.

Let me ask our fucknut friends this question: If someone returns from an Ebola hot zone in Africa, should they show proof they were vaccinated before entering the United States? Conservatives will most likely say yes and that it’s a different circumstance than the coronavirus. I’ll let you work out why that would be different.

Here’s the important detail, kids: The “passport” is NOT a federal thing. Nope. It’s not. Sure, Fox News probably told you some bullshit, between airings of the supposed Hunter Biden sex tape with two women, that it’s being mandated by President Joe Biden and they’re going to send Susan Rice house to house checking for passports, and those who don’t have them will be placed on trains because if they’re allowed to continue running around all willy-nilly like, they’ll make it difficult to steal the next election from Donald Trump.

That’s the equivalency Republicans are using. It’s just like when Nazis branded Jews, then put them on trains, melted the gold in their teeth so Hitler could buy more paintings to hide in Switzerland, branded them with numbers, then murdered them in gas chambers and used their bodies for soap. Sure, showing a QR code on your iPhone to enter Costco to purchase 88 gallons of mayonnaise is exactly like that. It’s crazy, right? Who needs that much mayonnaise?

It should be noted the federal government has NOT mandated that you receive a vaccine. These so-called passports are for local governments and businesses to decide. Say you get a vaccine and the provider gives you a code. It’s up to businesses to decide if they require you to have it to enter, though Florida and Texas want to outlaw businesses from being able to do this.

I had a conversation with a cartoonist friend fairly recently. We’ll call him Glenn. Glenn says he had the coronavirus a few months ago and he will not be taking the vaccine. He argued more people have died from the vaccine than from a second case of the virus. Glenn’s argument is based on ignorance. It ignores there are variants of the virus. It ignores we don’t have all the information on these variants yet. He ignores that the CDC advises you to get the vaccine even if you had the virus. He also believe face masks are stealing liberty. But the one thing that really stood out to me about Glenn’s argument was that it was all about Glenn.

Glenn only talked about how getting the vaccine would affect Glenn. He didn’t talk about how it would affect those around him, his family and friends, or society in general. Glenn is a Trump-supporting racist fucknut. He loves MAGA terrorists and false equivalencies. He loves using conspiracy theories to push baseless arguments. He believes he’s a patriot while demanding the nation reopen while not personally offering any sacrifices of his own to reopen the nation…like taking the vaccine. Glenn also supports voter IDs that are mandated…wait for it…by the government.

Seriously. Is this a false equivalency? No, it’s not. Voting is a constitutional right. You should not have to pay for an ID to vote. You should not have trouble getting an ID to vote. Republicans want the government to mandate that an ID must be presented to vote. Republicans also want it to be as difficult as fucking possible to get an ID to vote…if you’re black. But, they want a bakery to have the right to refuse to make a gay wedding cake with two baseball player figurines on the top, but not the right to require you have proof of a vaccination to enter.

Personally, I’m for a federal mandate where every conservative Trump-supporting fucknut is branded on the forehead just so we know what we’re dealing with when we encounter them. We can call it the “Aldo Raine Program.” While we’re at it, we should brand those who think they need 88 gallons of mayonnaise.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: