Prisonburgh For Weisselberg


The Trump Crime Family, er, the Trump Organization was charged yesterday for running a scheme to help its executives avoid paying taxes by compensating them with benefits hidden from authorities. Its top executive, Allen Weisselberg, was also charged yesterday for not paying taxes on $1.7 million in perks that should have been reported as income.

For those of you who are Trump supporters and living in yee-haw states, let me explain this in a way you may understand: Let’s say your brother-in-law, who is also your brother, helped you paint and unclog your outhouse. Instead of giving him cash, you paid him with seven cases of Milwaukee’s Best and four packs of Beech-nut chewing tobacco. You may think that’s a big payment for unclogging the shitter, but let’s assume you don’t chew your food. Anyway, you need to report the pissy beer and chew as income and pay taxes on it. For this, I’m assuming your tax bill will be around 30 cents.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office described it as a “weeping and audacious illegal payments scheme.” They said while the perks for Weisselberg were kept off the company’s books, they were still recorded in an internal spreadsheet. When you’re grifting, you gotta spread that shit out.

Keep in mind, if all of this is true, Weisselberg isn’t just the recipient of the company’s scheme, he would have been in charge of it as the company’s top executive. There is only one other person in the company in top of Weisselberg and his name is Donald J. Trump.

Trump had all sorts of things to say about this, calling it a “continuation of the witch hunt that started when I came down the escalator,” and accusing the district attorney and state’s attorneys of partisan politics. Authorities should have been looking into Trump after that time he came down the escalator talking about dating ten-year-olds.

Trump claims Weisselberg is innocent and is a good man. But what will Trump say if Weisselberg flips? Will he change his tune on his top executive the way he did on Michael Cohen?

With the company being charged, you can’t arrest a company. It’s not like they’re going to march Trump Tower off 5th Avenue and punish it by sending it to Staten Island. Usually when a corporation is convicted in a crime, no humans are held accountable…but the company may be broken up.

The big questions are: Will Weisselberg flip on Trump? Will Trump be charged? Will any other goons from the corporation be charged? Will Trump’s kids be charged? Who else has been paid in perks that weren’t reported as income? Will the walls to Trump Tower come tumbling down…or the walls in Mar-a-Lago, or Trump World Tower, or Bedminster, or Doral, or Turdberry?

According to reports, Weisselberg was often paid with cars and tuition for his grandchildren. Will his next payment be in the form of incarceration? This is what loyalty to Trump gets you.

Weisselberg swears he won’t flip on Trump which reminds me of something I recently watched on Netflix.

It’s a documentary about crime in New York City in the 70s and 80s. Rudy is in the documentary which is ironic since he’ll probably be in a future documentary on crime in New York City. In this documentary, the feds were sneaking into a mob-run restaurant to search and plant wiretaps, but there was a vicious dog inside the place. That dog was all like, “You’re not coming in here, assholes. This is my home. I guard this place. They pay me in pasta and meatballs. They love me and I’m loyal in return. You’ll have to kill me before you can enter this place. Oh, what you got? You got a taser, tough guy? Oh, yeah? You think a little tasing is going to make me turn against my people? I dare you to tase me…c’mon…tase me and see what happens. See what happens, motherfu….HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!…that hurt! What the hell was that? That was the taser? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me what a taser feels like? Fuck this place. You guys can do whatever you want. I’m going over to this table and I’m gonna crawl under it stay out of your way.”

And that’s what happened. That barking and growling dog who was baring his teeth got tased, turned around, and crawled under a table. The FBI did everything they wanted to in the place while the guard dog just watched. He probably even pointed out a few things. “Hey, did you check that second cabinet? Yeah, you’ll find some weird shit in there. By the way, do you know when I’ll be able to feel my nipples again?”

Weisselberg may be facing spending the rest of his life in prison if he remains loyal to Trump. I don’t know about his nipples, but that dog’s going to turn.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

4 comments

  1. “Anyway, you need to report the pissy beer and chew as income and pay taxes on it.”

    No, the worker (brother/BIL) has to report the income and pay taxes on it.

    Like

  2. Let’s hope Weisselberg is smart enough to flip! He’d be a dildo not to. But maybe Trump is scarier than the New York Justice Department. There is probably already a contract on his life and well-being. I just hope any possible assassin remembers one thing, one very important thing: Trump reneges on all his promises. He will never pay an assassin once the deed is done. Get your money upfront, and once you have it, fuck off to greener pastures. Doing anything for Trump is a thankless job.

    Like

  3. “…the witch hunt that started when I came down the escalator,”
    Which probably wouldn’t have started if you hadn’t been so egotistical (and dumb) enough to run for president*.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s