Prison

Let’s Go To Prison

Fucknut Qanon troglodyte she-beast Marjorie Taylor Greene plans to visit January 6 defendants in prison. She believes the white nationalist terrorists who committed an insurrection in attacking our nation in a failed coup attempt are patriots. But hey, maybe while she’s there, she can visit the biggest January 6 defendant, former president (sic) of the United States Donald J. Trump. The “J” is for jagoff.

Donald Trump predicted this morning, Saturday, March 18, 2023, that he’s going to be arrested this Tuesday. Trump “truthed” in all caps because nobody’s taught grandpa how to use the caps lock key yet, “THE FAR & AWAY LEADING REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE AND FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WILL BE ARRESTED ON TUESDAY OF NEXT WEEK. PROTEST, TAKE OUR NATION BACK!”

Wow, right? He admits he’s the former president.

An indictment is expected soon from the Manhattan grand jury that’s been hearing the district attorney’s case against Trump in the hush money scheme to silence Stormy Daniels in the 2016 presidential election. Does Trump actually know when the indictment is coming down? He probably doesn’t. But what he is doing is using this to raise money. He’s also calling for a protest much like he did for January 6 when Congress was certifying the Electoral College and Joe Biden’s victory in the 2020 presidential election.

Within hours, Speaker Kevin McCarthy tweeted that he is calling for investigations into whether federal funds were being used for “politically motivated prosecutions.” But Donald Trump did pay Stormy Daniels to remain silent about their shagfest, the toad, and yeti pubes without filing it as a campaign expense. McCarthy should wait until after a trial before calling for more bullshit investigations. This is the same guy who bragged that the Benghazi investigations were used to hurt Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. How much in federal funds is the Republican House using for politically motivated investigations into Hunter Biden?

MTG has now added defunding federal investigations into Mr. Yeti Pubes before she’ll vote to raise the debt ceiling. Republicans want criminals to run wild.

But if you’re excited about the prospect of Trump being convicted and sent to prison on the Stormy Daniels thing, don’t be. Out of all the investigations currently ongoing against Trump, this is the one he’s not really worried about. In fact, he may insist upon doing a perp walk as it’ll be a great fundraiser and aid in creating another MAGA white nationalist terrorist riot. What fun.

For Trump to be indicted, prosecutors will have to convince a jury that Trump intentionally violated campaign finance laws with the strongest testimony coming from a convicted perjurer in Michael Cohen, and a porn star. And even if he is convicted, jail time is not mandatory. Since this will be the first time he’s ever been convicted criminally, I wouldn’t put money on a jail sentence.

The cases that should truly worry Trump are the investigations by Special Counsel Jack Smith and the one over election tampering in Georgia. Trying to steal an election, overthrow the government, and stealing and hiding classified documents is much more serious than boinking a porn star. The biggest excitement I’ll gain from this is the possibility that we’ll see Sniffles in handcuffs.

But even in the Stormy case, Trump has a greater chance of eating prison food before Russian President Vladimir Putin does.

The International Criminal Court (ICC) has issued an arrest warrant for Putin. Don’t get excited about this one either because not only can’t the ICC go and get Putin out of Russia, it’s a warrant that’s not recognized by a lot of nations, including the United States. President Biden said it’s “justified” even as he pointed out that we don’t recognize it.

Even if he’s never arrested, Vladimir Putin is a war criminal. And the warrant is still a big deal because this is the leader of a G0 nation.

But if Putin is ever put in prison, let’s make it convenient for MTG, who loves and defends both men, and make Trump and Putin cellmates.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Cake For Bannon

Steve Bannon has been sentenced to four months in jail for refusing to comply with a congressional subpoena. His prison sentence is about two and a half terms of Liz Truss being prime minister (yes, that was a cartoon idea but I had already done enough on her). Bannon is allowed to appeal, but he gets to roam free and keep gooning while that process plays out. In fact, gooning is exactly what he did on the sidewalk outside the courthouse.

He said, “On November 8, there’s going to (be) judgment on the illegitimate Biden regime. And quite frankly, Nancy Pelosi and the entire committee.” He added that voters will be “weighing and measuring” the actions of the FBI as well as the congressional investigation into January 6.

Bannon is a white nationalist champion of the deep-state conspiracy theory. He’s unapologetic for being a fascist fuck and violating the law, believing he’s above it.

He had no right to defy a congressional subpoena. There is no executive privilege since he wasn’t working for the White House for the period the January 6 Committee wants to ask him about. He’s not a lawyer so he can’t claim attorney-client privilege. All he’s claiming is a privilege. He believes it’s his white privilege not to comply with a congressional subpoena. And he’s been given a privilege by not being ordered to go to jail immediately.

He also says voters will be “weighing and measuring” the actions of the FBI in November. This is some real gaslighting. The FBI did its job. Donald Trump was given the privilege to comply with the National Archives’ request and the Department of Justice’s demands that he return files. He kept lying, evading, and obstructing justice. Is the government supposed to let Trump steal classified documents and store them in the basement of his country club? Also, the FBI is NOT on the ballot.

Bannon claimed the Biden administration is illegitimate. That is false. President Joe Biden was elected by a majority of American voters and he won the Electoral College. It’s also a lie to say the committee or Speaker Pelosi aren’t legitimate. But I guess if you’re a fascist, you believe elections aren’t legitimate. In Bannon’s view, the only people who should hold power in this country are those who steal elections, not those elected by the people.

Bannon was also fined $200,000, but that’s nothing to him. He’s already fundraising off this, playing the white victim persecuted by the “deep state.” Fundraising is part of what Bannon did to be convicted in the past, for which Trump gave him a pardon.

Steve Bannon is a lying corrupt racist yet his supporters can’t see it…or they refuse to see it. You have to have some very low standards and fucked-up values to believe in Steve Bannon. In fact, you have to be a white supremacist to cry for Steve Bannon. He will lose his appeal, go to prison, and probably join a prison gang of Aryans. He might enjoy prison.

Bannon is going to prison to build his street cred with MAGA, and in a way, he’s going to prison for Donald Trump. I’m waiting for the day when Donald Trump goes to prison for Trump.

Creative Note: This idea has been used before in cartoons, so much so that I don’t think anyone can claim it. It’s kinda like the coat hanger on the top of the Supreme Court building cartoon that a thousand cartoonists have done. But I thought this cake/file cartoon was very appropriate for the subjects of Trump stealing classified files and Bannon needing a cake with a file in it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Gaetz and Bars for R. Kelly

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R. Kelly is finally going to prison after decades of accusations of sex abuse, including that of minors. In case you need an old man update, R. Kelly is the R&B guy behind the song, “I Believe I Can Fly,” which you heard 25 years ago while watching space Jam. I’m just glad Lola Bunny escaped that situation unscathed.

Kelly wasn’t just your average everyday charming pedophile. Like Jeffrey Epstein, Kelly was operating a sex trafficking operation that involved multiple people. And like Epstein, Kelly got away with it for decades.

The Brooklyn jury voted to convict on all nine counts against him, with one being for racketeering and the other eight for violations of an anti-sex trafficking law. The majority of Kelly’s accusers were black women. Hopefully, this will give them some closure with the trauma they have to live with for their rest of their lives.

And Kelly may be spending the rest of his life in prison. He faces ten years to life in prison.

Oronike Odeleye, the co-founder of the #MuteRKelly campaign, said, “This is the culmination of the movement of so many women who have been trying so long to have their voices heard. We have never had full ownership of our bodies. And we’re at a moment where Black women are no longer accepting that as the price of being Black and female in America.”

And there’s reason to be skeptical of receiving justice in these manners. It took decades to capture Epstein, who kept getting sweetheart deals from cops, prosecutors, the FBI, the media, ect. The first thing they got Epstein for was for soliciting a minor prostitute which was blaming the victim. Casting her as a prostitute because Epstein paid her for a massage was victim blaming and letting Epstein off with a slap on the wrist after years of raping teenage girls.

Recently, Bill Cosby, who should have been rotting in a Pennsylvania prison cell until his death, was released on bullshit technicalities. So even when they do capture one of these powerful pedophiles, you still have to hold your breath forever. Even after being captured dead-to-rights, Epstein escaped justice by killing himself. And yes, he killed himself.

Now, will we see other accused targets face justice or continue to skate away cleanly? Will we continue to see powerful men like Donald Trump and Matt Gaetz get away with it? I hope not. With Trump, you look at the sexual assault and rape allegations along with election tampering and starting an insurrection, and you wonder, “What does it take to put that guy behind bars?”

Matt Gaetz is the pedo poster boy for smug obnoxious frat boy douche canoes. Even if Gaetz is innocent of sex trafficking of minors, he’s a complete asshole with the way he’s disrespected women. He’s also an asshole for being a conspiracy theory spreading gaslighting liar. He’s also a moron in tacky suits and pointy yard gnome hair. Those are all good reasons for locking him up forever.

I’m 99 percent certain Donald Trump will face criminal charges somewhere for something. But, I’m not certain at all he’ll ever go to prison. With Matt Gaetz, I’m 99 percent certain he’s going to prison because no one is going to protect him and he’s an idiot.

Hopefully, none of these abusing jerks will ever fly free again.

I believe they should go to jail. I believe they should all go to Hell. Let’s cage them up really far away. Lock them up and throw the keys away.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Prisonburgh For Weisselberg

The Trump Crime Family, er, the Trump Organization was charged yesterday for running a scheme to help its executives avoid paying taxes by compensating them with benefits hidden from authorities. Its top executive, Allen Weisselberg, was also charged yesterday for not paying taxes on $1.7 million in perks that should have been reported as income.

For those of you who are Trump supporters and living in yee-haw states, let me explain this in a way you may understand: Let’s say your brother-in-law, who is also your brother, helped you paint and unclog your outhouse. Instead of giving him cash, you paid him with seven cases of Milwaukee’s Best and four packs of Beech-nut chewing tobacco. You may think that’s a big payment for unclogging the shitter, but let’s assume you don’t chew your food. Anyway, you need to report the pissy beer and chew as income and pay taxes on it. For this, I’m assuming your tax bill will be around 30 cents.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office described it as a “weeping and audacious illegal payments scheme.” They said while the perks for Weisselberg were kept off the company’s books, they were still recorded in an internal spreadsheet. When you’re grifting, you gotta spread that shit out.

Keep in mind, if all of this is true, Weisselberg isn’t just the recipient of the company’s scheme, he would have been in charge of it as the company’s top executive. There is only one other person in the company in top of Weisselberg and his name is Donald J. Trump.

Trump had all sorts of things to say about this, calling it a “continuation of the witch hunt that started when I came down the escalator,” and accusing the district attorney and state’s attorneys of partisan politics. Authorities should have been looking into Trump after that time he came down the escalator talking about dating ten-year-olds.

Trump claims Weisselberg is innocent and is a good man. But what will Trump say if Weisselberg flips? Will he change his tune on his top executive the way he did on Michael Cohen?

With the company being charged, you can’t arrest a company. It’s not like they’re going to march Trump Tower off 5th Avenue and punish it by sending it to Staten Island. Usually when a corporation is convicted in a crime, no humans are held accountable…but the company may be broken up.

The big questions are: Will Weisselberg flip on Trump? Will Trump be charged? Will any other goons from the corporation be charged? Will Trump’s kids be charged? Who else has been paid in perks that weren’t reported as income? Will the walls to Trump Tower come tumbling down…or the walls in Mar-a-Lago, or Trump World Tower, or Bedminster, or Doral, or Turdberry?

According to reports, Weisselberg was often paid with cars and tuition for his grandchildren. Will his next payment be in the form of incarceration? This is what loyalty to Trump gets you.

Weisselberg swears he won’t flip on Trump which reminds me of something I recently watched on Netflix.

It’s a documentary about crime in New York City in the 70s and 80s. Rudy is in the documentary which is ironic since he’ll probably be in a future documentary on crime in New York City. In this documentary, the feds were sneaking into a mob-run restaurant to search and plant wiretaps, but there was a vicious dog inside the place. That dog was all like, “You’re not coming in here, assholes. This is my home. I guard this place. They pay me in pasta and meatballs. They love me and I’m loyal in return. You’ll have to kill me before you can enter this place. Oh, what you got? You got a taser, tough guy? Oh, yeah? You think a little tasing is going to make me turn against my people? I dare you to tase me…c’mon…tase me and see what happens. See what happens, motherfu….HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!…that hurt! What the hell was that? That was the taser? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me what a taser feels like? Fuck this place. You guys can do whatever you want. I’m going over to this table and I’m gonna crawl under it stay out of your way.”

And that’s what happened. That barking and growling dog who was baring his teeth got tased, turned around, and crawled under a table. The FBI did everything they wanted to in the place while the guard dog just watched. He probably even pointed out a few things. “Hey, did you check that second cabinet? Yeah, you’ll find some weird shit in there. By the way, do you know when I’ll be able to feel my nipples again?”

Weisselberg may be facing spending the rest of his life in prison if he remains loyal to Trump. I don’t know about his nipples, but that dog’s going to turn.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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