MAGA Terror Hoarder

I’ve been to Washington, D.C. a lot but I’ve only physically been inside the Capitol once. I’m the kind of tourist that once I do something touristy, I don’t want to do it again. I was in line at Graceland once and overheard some Elvis freaks talking about that visit being their fifth or some shit like that. Trust me on this, nobody needs to see the Jungle Room twice. Three TVs. Oooooh. Also, mirrors on walls don’t actually make rooms look larger, more claustrophobic. If you’ve been to Graceland more than once, seek help. Going to Memphis more than once is bad enough to throw a Graceland trip into it.

My Capitol visit was back in 1999 with my wife (at the time) and a friend of hers who was visiting for a few days. Since 1999 was a long time ago, I don’t remember everything but one of my most vivid memories that day was walking through Statuary Hall in the Capitol, where each state is represented by a statue of one of their most historic figures, and that King Kamehameha looked out of place since he was the only non-white guy at the time and also in a loin cloth (In case you’re a Republican, Kamehameha represents Hawaii). Another vivid memory from our Capitol visit is that we walked through the door without much in the way of security at all. Granted, this was before 9/11, but it was pretty relaxed. We walked in without a tour group, without a schedule, and just roamed around for an hour or so.

I also remember getting lost while trying to leave the city and I didn’t want to tell the two ladies we were lost, so I kept pointing stuff out as we passed it saying stuff like, “And there’s the Watergate…everybody ooh and ahh…ooh and ahh…and there’s the Smithsonian…again.” That doesn’t have anything to do with this subject, but it still amuses me. And if my ex reads this, she’s probably thinking, “I knew it!”

What I don’t remember from that day was breaking through a window or having to beat down Capitol Police to gain access. I don’t recall anyone being maced or having their fingers bitten off. I don’t recall anyone vandalizing the place. I don’t remember anyone being beaten with a flagpole. I have zero memories of any tourists urinating and defecating on the floors and smearing it on the walls. I don’t think any tourists sat down at the Speaker of the House’s desk or stole his (Dennis Hastert at the time) podium. I don’t think 400 tourists were arrested from that visit. I’ll ask my ex later if she remembers anyone chanting to hang the vice-president.

Maybe the reason none of that stuff happened during my visit to the Capitol was because everyone visiting was a tourist…not a terrorist.

During a House hearing this week, Republican dipshit congressman Andrew Clyde, from Georgia, said, “Watching the TV footage of those who entered the Capitol and walked through Statuary Hall, showed people in an orderly fashion staying between the stanchions and ropes taking videos and pictures. If you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from Jan. 6, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit.”

The orangutan in the 1970s Clint Eastwood movie, “Every Which Way But Loose,” was also named Clyde, but he’s probably changing it now so there’s no confusion with Andrew Clyde.

Clyde, the congressman and not the orangutan, said, “Let me be clear: There was no insurrection.” The orangutan just rolled his eyes.

Let me be clear, the Republican Party is defending terrorists. They’re sitting in the very same building terrorists attacked while defending them. When you attack a government in order to change its leadership through a bloody coup attempt, you are a terrorist. What happened on January 6 is the very definition of an insurrection. Involved with the insurrection were racist groups like Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and One Percenters. These groups weren’t planning on protesting outside. They schemed to bust in and attack the Capitol.

Michael Jensen, principal investigator at the National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism at the University of Maryland said, “Normal Capitol visits don’t include individuals armed with zip ties, bear spray, and blunt objects,” or violent clashes with police. Typical Capitol tourists don’t smash windows, loot offices, or deface Capitol property. Those types of things happen during insurrections, which is what January 6 was.”

Brian Levin, director of the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism said, “A tourist is someone who travels for pleasure seeking, cultural interchange or advancement of knowledge about different places and its inhabitants and does not have a political or criminal purpose. The people who rioted included insurrectionists and others who committed federal crimes for a political purpose to obstruct the legal operations of government. I hope people now don’t just apply that logic to recast John Wilkes Booth as a theatergoer.”

Being that Clyde, (not the ape) is from Georgia, he just might recast Booth as a theatergoer. Also, since Booth shot Lincoln, the former guy the party’s image was cast in, Clyde (the stupid congressman) might be all about it.

The leader of this group of terrorists attacking the Capitol building was the former president (sic) of the United States of America who sent them in order to cling to power. He sent them to overturn an election he lost. He is still perpetuating the lie he won the election. The majority of the Republican Party believes this lie and promotes it.

When Republicans like Elise Stefanik says she’s supports “President (sic) Trump” and that he’s the leader of their party, and an “important voice to the Republican Party,” she’s praising a terrorist leader. People like Stefanik don’t have integrity or honor.

Donald Trump ordered an insurrection to take place at the Capitol and the majority of the Republican Party is more loyal to the terrorism, the lie, and cult than it is to this nation. Those in the party who are not loyal to the cult are removed from their leadership positions and booed at GOP events.

Republicans can gaslight all they want, but what happened on January 6 was a terrorist attack instigated by Donald Trump with complicit actors in Congress.

Let me be clear, the MAGAts attacking the Capitol on January 6 were not tourists. They were terrorists. Even an ape could tell the difference.

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