Gas Lines

MAGA Terror Hoarder

Cjones05182021

I’ve been to Washington, D.C. a lot but I’ve only physically been inside the Capitol once. I’m the kind of tourist that once I do something touristy, I don’t want to do it again. I was in line at Graceland once and overheard some Elvis freaks talking about that visit being their fifth or some shit like that. Trust me on this, nobody needs to see the Jungle Room twice. Three TVs. Oooooh. Also, mirrors on walls don’t actually make rooms look larger, more claustrophobic. If you’ve been to Graceland more than once, seek help. Going to Memphis more than once is bad enough to throw a Graceland trip into it.

My Capitol visit was back in 1999 with my wife (at the time) and a friend of hers who was visiting for a few days. Since 1999 was a long time ago, I don’t remember everything but one of my most vivid memories that day was walking through Statuary Hall in the Capitol, where each state is represented by a statue of one of their most historic figures, and that King Kamehameha looked out of place since he was the only non-white guy at the time and also in a loin cloth (In case you’re a Republican, Kamehameha represents Hawaii). Another vivid memory from our Capitol visit is that we walked through the door without much in the way of security at all. Granted, this was before 9/11, but it was pretty relaxed. We walked in without a tour group, without a schedule, and just roamed around for an hour or so.

I also remember getting lost while trying to leave the city and I didn’t want to tell the two ladies we were lost, so I kept pointing stuff out as we passed it saying stuff like, “And there’s the Watergate…everybody ooh and ahh…ooh and ahh…and there’s the Smithsonian…again.” That doesn’t have anything to do with this subject, but it still amuses me. And if my ex reads this, she’s probably thinking, “I knew it!”

What I don’t remember from that day was breaking through a window or having to beat down Capitol Police to gain access. I don’t recall anyone being maced or having their fingers bitten off. I don’t recall anyone vandalizing the place. I don’t remember anyone being beaten with a flagpole. I have zero memories of any tourists urinating and defecating on the floors and smearing it on the walls. I don’t think any tourists sat down at the Speaker of the House’s desk or stole his (Dennis Hastert at the time) podium. I don’t think 400 tourists were arrested from that visit. I’ll ask my ex later if she remembers anyone chanting to hang the vice-president.

Maybe the reason none of that stuff happened during my visit to the Capitol was because everyone visiting was a tourist…not a terrorist.

During a House hearing this week, Republican dipshit congressman Andrew Clyde, from Georgia, said, “Watching the TV footage of those who entered the Capitol and walked through Statuary Hall, showed people in an orderly fashion staying between the stanchions and ropes taking videos and pictures. If you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from Jan. 6, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit.”

The orangutan in the 1970s Clint Eastwood movie, “Every Which Way But Loose,” was also named Clyde, but he’s probably changing it now so there’s no confusion with Andrew Clyde.

Clyde, the congressman and not the orangutan, said, “Let me be clear: There was no insurrection.” The orangutan just rolled his eyes.

Let me be clear, the Republican Party is defending terrorists. They’re sitting in the very same building terrorists attacked while defending them. When you attack a government in order to change its leadership through a bloody coup attempt, you are a terrorist. What happened on January 6 is the very definition of an insurrection. Involved with the insurrection were racist groups like Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and One Percenters. These groups weren’t planning on protesting outside. They schemed to bust in and attack the Capitol.

Michael Jensen, principal investigator at the National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism at the University of Maryland said, “Normal Capitol visits don’t include individuals armed with zip ties, bear spray, and blunt objects,” or violent clashes with police. Typical Capitol tourists don’t smash windows, loot offices, or deface Capitol property. Those types of things happen during insurrections, which is what January 6 was.”

Brian Levin, director of the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism said, “A tourist is someone who travels for pleasure seeking, cultural interchange or advancement of knowledge about different places and its inhabitants and does not have a political or criminal purpose. The people who rioted included insurrectionists and others who committed federal crimes for a political purpose to obstruct the legal operations of government. I hope people now don’t just apply that logic to recast John Wilkes Booth as a theatergoer.”

Being that Clyde, (not the ape) is from Georgia, he just might recast Booth as a theatergoer. Also, since Booth shot Lincoln, the former guy the party’s image was cast in, Clyde (the stupid congressman) might be all about it.

The leader of this group of terrorists attacking the Capitol building was the former president (sic) of the United States of America who sent them in order to cling to power. He sent them to overturn an election he lost. He is still perpetuating the lie he won the election. The majority of the Republican Party believes this lie and promotes it.

When Republicans like Elise Stefanik says she’s supports “President (sic) Trump” and that he’s the leader of their party, and an “important voice to the Republican Party,” she’s praising a terrorist leader. People like Stefanik don’t have integrity or honor.

Donald Trump ordered an insurrection to take place at the Capitol and the majority of the Republican Party is more loyal to the terrorism, the lie, and cult than it is to this nation. Those in the party who are not loyal to the cult are removed from their leadership positions and booed at GOP events.

Republicans can gaslight all they want, but what happened on January 6 was a terrorist attack instigated by Donald Trump with complicit actors in Congress.

Let me be clear, the MAGAts attacking the Capitol on January 6 were not tourists. They were terrorists. Even an ape could tell the difference.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Gas, Mask, Vax, Cheesecake

Cjones05172021

We have reached a milestone and a new independence by the new guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control. Earlier in the week, we were told by our president, Joe Biden, that we don’t have to wear face masks outdoors anymore. Now, you don’t have to wear face masks indoors either, but there’s a catch. You have to be vaccinated.

If you have been vaccinated, it doesn’t matter if everyone else in the room are mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging anti-vax hysteria-spreading troglodytes. You can still go without a mask. The odds of you catching Covid19 from the morons are very slim…unless you’re a New York Yankee.

But, because of those morons, we’re probably going to have to keep our masks on. Why? Because they’re fuckers and fuckers are always being fuckers. Everyone is supposed to be honest about whether or not they’re vaccinated. We’re using the honor system with fuckers who have no honor.

We’re going to have problems from the anti-vaxxers. These people don’t have principles. While they took a stand against vaccinations, wearing face masks, and social distancing, they’ll abandon those principles to claim they are vaccinated so they can go maskless inside an art gallery….OK, not an art gallery…inside a Cracker Barrel just because. That’ll stick it to the libs.

Or, they’ll go to Cracker Barrel, Cheesecake Factory, or Walmart and start demanding they don’t have to wear a mask since the vaccinated shoppers are allowed entry without wearing masks. They’ll cry, “You think you’re better than me?” Yes. I do think the vaccinated are better than you.

There are two ways to fix this.

First, require vaccine IDs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’ll be divisive and just piss off the mouth breathers even more, but fuck them. Still, there are backward red states, like Florida, that have outlawed requiring vaccine IDs. Why, why, why? It’s so stupid. It’s like they’re trying to keep the pandemic alive. Also, if IDs are required, you know fuckers will be selling them on the black market. Actually, they already are.

I’m all for vaccine IDs. They won’t infringe upon anyone’s constitutional rights like, say…voter IDs. Florida hasn’t banned those.

And since we’re not going to force everyone in the nation to get vaccinated, the only other solution is for businesses to require EVERYONE to continue wearing face masks. That way, the shops can say they’re not being selective, politicizing, punishing, or playing favorites.

Because of these mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, sister-marrying anti-vaxxers, we can’t have nice things. Even though the president says those of us who are vaxxed can take off our masks, we still can’t go inside our banks and grocery stores without face masks or lick the faces of strangers at bus stations. And you know the people who are prevent us from returning to normal are the same assholes hoarding gas by pumping it into Hefty garbage bags.

Yay, we have reached a milestone and the pandemic is waning…no thanks to MAGAts. We got here despite them. I am fully vaccinated and I will now be going outside without wearing a face mask. I’m going to continue carrying it with me just in case I’m in an outdoor setting where going maskless may make someone feel uncomfortable. I’m going to continue wearing a face mask indoors. I’m going to continue social distancing. And most of all, I’m not going back to shaking hands.

If nothing else, all the safeguards in place to prevent catching Covid19 prevented most of us from catching the flu and common cold last year. Let’s keep that up.

In two weeks, I’ll be on a train. The last time I was on a train, it gave me Covid19. Face masks be required but even if they weren’t, I would be wearing my mask on this upcoming trip.

Again, because of MAGAts, we can’t have nice things and I don’t think any of them deserves any cheesecake.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Gassy Republicans

Cjones05152021

While chomping on some two dollar street tacos last night at a nearby Mexican restaurant, I was thinking about the gas shortage. It’s the thing everyone is talking. A couple of guys near me and the bartender were talking about how bad the lines were getting here locally, despite the fact there really isn’t a gas shortage.

DarkSide, a brand new criminal gang from Russia that may be Eddie and the Cruisers or Darth Vader fans, conducted a ransomware hack into Colonial Pipeline, which flows nearly half the gasoline for the eastern United States. Immediately, people started freaking out and forming long lines at gas stations, filling tanks, cans, and even barrels (one photo circulated of someone putting extra gas into freezer bags).

Immediately, conservatives started blaming President Biden, comparing him to President Carter, and demanded that our nation have energy independence.

There was a supposed gas shortage in 1979 due to the Iranian Revolution. Gas prices shot up here in the United States despite the fact at the time, we only got five percent of our oil supply from Iran. We were exporting more oil in 1979 than importing (In case you’re a Republican, “export” is when you send out and “import” is when you bring it in). Global supplies only decreased by four percent. It’s funny Republicans are mentioning Jimmy Carter when talking about a 1970s gas shortage, because it also happened in 1973 (In case you’re a Republican, 1973 was in the 70s) when Richard Nixon, a Republican, was president. This was due to an embargo by OPEC, holding up oil imports to nations supportive of Israel in the Yom Kippur War. Because we did not have energy independence, we had long gas lines. Oil shot up from $3.00 a barrel to $12.00 a barrel. Today, oil is around $64.00 a barrel.

According to yokels on social media, gas went up ten cents a gallon at the pump yesterday. Let’s say your car can hold up to 13 gallons of gas. In case you’re a Republican, that would add up to $1.30 more than you would normally pay.

In 1990, oil prices shot up from $17.00 a barrel to $36.00 after Saddam Hussein invaded fellow OPEC member Kuwait. Oil production did decrease but we never had an actual shortage. Western oil companies should have sent Saddam thank-you cards and bouquets for that one. And while we didn’t actually run out of gas, the short spike in prices contributed to the recession that made George H.W. Bush a one-term president. Maybe Bill Clinton should have sent Saddam a bouquet.

Now it’s happening again. People are freaking out over this hack even though oil hasn’t been disrupted. There is no shortage and there is no decrease in the flow along the eastern seaboard. But people are rushing out to make gas 2021’s toilet paper.

If only we had energy independence. Oh, wait. We do. Don’t you Republicans remember praising Donald Trump for making us energy independent? That means we get most of our energy from ourselves. Even before we achieved independence from foreign nations, we received very little oil from the Middle East. Most of it came from Canada. But Donald Trump was taking credit for making us energy independent and the GOP was heaping praise on him for it. Only thing is, we achieved energy independence during the Obama administration. Whoops. But that’s OK. Republicans LOVE taking credit from a Democrat and giving it to a stupid racist Republican who can’t spell “energy independence.”

Hey, Republicans. Another good way to achieve energy independence would be to decrease our need for oil. We could always increase green energy and all start using electric cars. I know. You still think wind turbines freeze in Texas. But wouldn’t your monster truck look badass with a wind turbine mounted on the hood?

It’s also funny Republicans are blaming President Biden. While Obama was president, Republicans were critical of him because they thought he was slow cleaning up their economic mess. How many times did you hear, “Slowest recovery ever” from the Party of No? Then, Trump waddles into office, with help from Russia, and Republicans start talking about the “economic miracle” he inherited. Except, they never mentioned he inherited it. Then, Trump watched the economy tank from a pandemic he politicized.

Now, Republicans are blaming President Biden for Trump’s mess. They’re screaming about jobs and inflation, a situation that started under Trump. And they get to go after him for long gas lines from a hack inflicted by Donald Trump’s friends. Somebody should call Donald Trump and ask him if he sent the hackers…because he has a history of sending goons to attack the United States.

Republicans probably don’t have time to ask Donald Trump about sending more terrorists to attack our nation because they’re too busy destroying Liz Cheney for criticizing Donald Trump for sending terrorists to attack our nation.

There’s also irony in that Liz Cheney is being punished for taking a stand, stating the truth that the election wasn’t stolen, and the Republicans are doing it with a secret vote because they’re all too cowardly to take a public stand.

People, these gas lines will be gone next week. There is not a gas shortage. But, if you run out of gas, there is a real problem because there are fuckers out there stocking up for a shortage that doesn’t exist. How much are you willing to bet that the people hoarding gas, filling tanks, barrels, cans, and even Ziploc guy, are all Republicans?

Creative note: Last week, my first idea on Liz Cheney involved her being burned at the stake. Then I realized, other cartoonists would do that same idea. It’s kinda lame. And then, other cartoonists did the same idea. They also had her hanging on walls and walking planks. It’s why I don’t go with my first idea. Then last night, I thought this would turn the burning-at-the-stake idea on its head.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: