Someone posted on the internet yesterday, “First they came for Rudy and I did nothing for I was laughing my ass off too hard.”

Someone else claimed since Merrick Garland is head of the Justice Department now, it’s fascism because this is his revenge for Donald Trump stealing his Supreme Court seat after President Obama nominated him. No. It’s not fascism. It’s karma.

Rudy spent months rummaging around Ukraine looking for dirt on Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. He never found any but that didn’t stop him from making up a lot of shit. He even claimed to have found Hunter’s laptop; nothing came of that either.

Beyond his dealings and lying with Ukraine to help Donald Trump steal an election by gaining dirt on the opponent he feared most, Rudy conducted a huge campaign of lies election after the opponent Trump feared most kicked his ass.

Rudy claimed the election was stolen. He produced eyewitnesses more insane than he is. He provided affidavits from people stating they heard someone heard someone else might have witnessed something. He held press a conference in a parking lost of a landscaping firm called “Four Seasons” because he confused it for the hotel with the same name. The parking lot was next to a dildo store. During the press conference, his hair dye started running. During a hearing before a state legislative committee, he got the farts.

Rudy, who was once called “America’s mayor,” has become America’s joke.

After Trump and other surrogates claimed he never paid off porn stars, or at least didn’t know about it, Rudy went on Hannity, who had also been claiming there had been no porn star payoffs, and informed the world there had been porn star payoffs and the money was “funneled.” Typically when someone uses the word “funneled,” unless they’re making a cake, they’re doing something corrupt.

A long time ago, Rudy was respected. Before he was mayor of New York City, he was an Associate Attorney General and then the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York. Yesterday morning, FBI agents from the Southern District of New York came a knocking on Rudy’s door, and not to talk about old times.

It’s a big deal when any attorney gets raided by the FBI. It’s an even bigger deal for a president’s (sic) attorney to be raided by the FBI. But with Donald Trump, this is his second attorney to get raided by the FBI. But being someone’s attorney isn’t a license to be a partner in crime.

What was Rudy doing in Ukraine? Was he making money off the nation while engaging in election meddling? Was he representing Ukraine without registering as a foreign lobbyist? Was he there instigating more terrorists attacks or finding more cousins to marry? The FBI is trying to find out. How can anything be corrupt while working with goons named Lev and Igor? Now, Rudy has been rolled over by Lev and Igor who will soon be followed by Boris and Natasha.

The FBI raided Rudy’s Madison Avenue apartment and his Park Avenue office and reportedly took electronic devices. Rudy isn’t good with electronic devices. This is a guy who has butt-dialed reporters before engaging into a conversation about the Bidens, Bahrain, and needing cash.

Olivia Nuzzi, a reporter for New York Magazine, once wrote that during a meeting with Giuliani, he had three cell phones, and despite being a cyber security consultant, didn’t understand how to use any of them. She wrote, “Two of the devices were unlocked, their screens revealing open tabs and a barrage of banner notifications as they knocked into each other and reacted to Giuliani’s grip.”

“He accidentally activated Siri, who said she didn’t understand his command. ‘She never understands me,’ he said. He sighed and poked at the device, attempting to quiet her.”

And at the end of the meeting, he forgot to take one of the phones with him. Rudy learning figuring out how to swipe left would be like your grandfather figuring out TikTok.

If there are any files, texts, or call history on Rudy’s phones that provides evidence of corruption, do you think Rudy knew how to delete them or was even aware he should? If you’re a person who engaged in some sketchy dealings with Rudy and you had multiple conversations, calls, and texts with the guy, you have every right in the world to be worried.

Golly, I’m trying to think of who Rudy may have been calling on these devices the FBI seized yesterday.

Rudy denied ever talking to Donald Trump about receiving a preemptive pardon before he left the White House. Whether they actually talked about it or not (they did), you can bet your ass Donald Trump is wishing he had given one to Rudy. Trump gave pardons to other goons to keep them quiet. If he had given one to Rudy, the FBI wouldn’t have been at his house and office yesterday. Now, he’s in danger of Rudy talking. Hell, Rudy spills the beans when not making a deal.

For all we know, the FBI might even find new stuff they had no idea was going on. There are so many questions.

Will Rudy be charged with any crimes? Will Trump be implicated by Rudy’s stupidity? Will Trump be charged? Will Rudy roll over on Trump? Will Rudy and Trump both flee the country for a Moscow penthouse or maybe a villa in Pyongyang? How many times did Rudy fart during the raid? Will the FBI follow a trail of hair dye from Rudy to Trump?

Whether connected to Rudy or not, how much longer until Donald Trump is charged with a crime?

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