Trumpy Gator Balls

Golfer Arnold Palmer has been quoted, “I never do a business deal until I played 18 holes with a guy.” The logic is that in four hours (which I’m assuming is how long it takes to play 18 holes), you can’t hide who you are. If you’re nice, pleasant, honest, rude, impatient, or a cheater, it’s going to come out. I’ve heard golfers claim that you play life the way you play golf. A good argument for that analogy’s veracity is Donald Trump. 

Trump cheats at golf. Shocking, right? Sports writer Rick Reilly has written a book, Commander in Cheat, that chronicles the way Trump plays golf and operates as a course owner and operator. Reilly examines the way Trump’s courses resemble mini golf with waterfalls (all that’s missing is shooting the ball into a clown’s mouth, but he owns the course), and despite his claim of having the greatest courses in the world, not one of them is included in the top 150 in America. What’s really intriguing are the multiple details of Trump’s cheating and his lack of respect for the game he loves so much.

Trump was very critical of the time Obama spent playing golf as president. Trump even criticized his golf game. He promised he’d be too busy as president to play golf and that he’d never leave the White House. Of course, he lied. According to the website Trump Golf Count, he’s visited his courses as president 77 times as of March 31 (if you’re a Republican, that was three days ago), at a cost of $95,000,000. Basically, we’re paying for Trump to cheat at golf.

Reilly has documented that of the 18 club championships Trump claims, maybe only two are legitimate. He’s even claimed two championships he didn’t play in, once when he was at a different course. When he’s actually playing in a game, he’s known to cheat. He kicks his ball so often that caddies have given him the nickname “Pelé.”

Trump doesn’t just move his ball, he’ll move his opponents. Once, after his ball had gone into the water, he stole a ball belonging to a teenager. The book also documents that Trump once threw Sportscaster Mike Tirico’s ball into a bunker after it was only ten feet from the hole. Trump claims a 2.8 handicap, but everyone Reilly speaks to says it’s more like a 7 or an 8.

He disrespects the game other ways too. He always tees off first, even if he didn’t win the last hole. He drives his carts on the green. He also drives his cart down the fairway before the other golfers have hit their drives.

Trump is like a child who has to have the biggest piece of cake. He always has to win, even if he didn’t. After cheating, which is always obvious to those he played with, he brags to them about winning, being oblivious to the fact they know. You don’t hit the ball seven times then tell Tiger Woods you’re playing for a birdie. Tiger knows.

Just like golf, Trump cheats at life. He steals from charities. He cheats on his taxes. He cheats contractors. He cheats lenders. He cheats on his wives. He cheated by stealing a Supreme Court seat, then cheated by having the rules of confirmation changed. And of course, he cheated when he stole an election with the help of Russia. Just like in golf, he thinks if he lies about it then nobody will notice.

It’s also cheating when he betrays our trust. We were aware that Trump gave high-level security clearances to Ivanka and Jared after they were rejected, but now we have learned he’s done it for others at least 25 times. Trump has the authority to grant security clearances to whoever he wants to receive them, but when we elect people, we expect them to use their powers responsibly. No rational person has ever expected Donald Trump to act responsibly, but his handing out security clearances like candy is a threat to national security. For the love of god, Jared has been communicating with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia through WhatsApp. Trump’s cheating is a danger to the nation.

People who play golf with Trump or work at his clubs enable him by nodding along when he boasts about his prowess as a golfer, all while they know he’s cheating and lying. At least in their cases, he’s either paying them or buying their lunch. His supporters also enable his lies by continuing to support and defend him, which doesn’t make any sense at all. Trump’s not buying their lunch.

Discovering that Trump cheats at everything is about as surprising as learning he’s a vile, ugly, horrible person without any regard for anything that’s not named Trump. Reilly says he wrote his book on Trump’s cheating, not from being offended as a voter but as a golfer. Personally, when it comes to Trump, I’m offended as a human being.

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