Maralago

Two-Faced Nikki


cjones02232021

Nikki Haley is just as smarmy, two-faced, deceitful, disingenuous, and chock-full-o-bullshit as lying Ted Cruz, except she’s prettier.

While slimy Ted was rushing back to Texas, making sure he was seen wearing a face mask with a Texas flag on it, Nikki was rushing to get inside Mara-a-Lago, hoping to be branded with a MAGA flag. But Donald Trump nixed that.

On January 12, Politico published a story on Nikki where she said about Trump, “I think he’s lost any sort of political viability he was going to have. We need to acknowledge Trump let us down….He went down a path he shouldn’t have, and we shouldn’t have followed him.”

Shouldn’t have followed him? This from his former Ambassador to the United Nations who intimidated tiny third-world countries to support Trump policies, or they wouldn’t be invited to her parties? Seriously, she did that.

Before Trump secured the nomination in 2016, Nikki was a Marco backer and laughed and laughed when he made fun of Trump’s tiny penis. By the time the Republican National Convention rolled around, Nikki was all aboard the Trump train. She knew Trump would be short on support from minorities and women…and dang it all, she was both. Like Ted Cruz who was big enough to forgive Donald Trump for calling his wife ugly and his father a murderer, Nikki planted her lips firmly on that wide orange Trump caboose.

Nikki wants to be president someday and she knew she needed more experience than being governor of the state that sends the biggest flipflopping no-backbone ass-kissing shitweasel lapdog to the United States Senate. She needed some foreign policy…what’s that word? Oh yeah, experience.

Before Trump’s MAGA goons conducted a terrorist attack on our Capitol and tried to overturn the election, Nikki was enabling Trump’s sedition. She refused to condemn the Big Lie that the election was stolen and even tried to help Trump out. In another Politico story before the bloody coup attempt, Nikki said, “I understand the president. I understand that genuinely, to his core, he believes he was wronged. This is not him making it up.”

As Sarah Marshall said in the movie, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.” Donald Trump knew he was “making it up.” This isn’t like someone believing in Bigfoot without any proof, or an expert at “finding Sasquatch” who’s never found Sasquatch (seriously, they’re just experts at being lost in the woods). This was the president (sic) of the United States making shit up. And Nikki, you enabled it.

Now that Nikki turned around and condemned the attack and placed the blame firmly where it belongs, she’s trying to spin her head around again and suck up to Trump. She can’t praise Trump, then tell the truth about his inciting a terrorist attack, then turn around and try to get his warm icky affection again. Who does she think she is? Kevin McCarthy?

The House Minority Leader, Kevin McCarthy, gave a speech laying the blame of the attack on Donald Trump. According to reports, during the attack, Trump and McCarthy were on the phone in a screaming match. McCarthy was trying to get Trump to call off his goons while they were banging on his doors trying to kill him and all Trump wanted to do was first, say it was Antifa, and when corrected, said they were people who cared more about the “stolen election” than Kevin McCarthy did. Later, McCarthy flew down to Mar-a-Lago, made sure a photo came out of him standing next to Trump in what may be the most hideously-decorated room in the world, and groveled for Trump’s icky affection and his donor list. He only got one of those and unfortunately, it was the icky affection.

Mitch McConnell hasn’t made that trip yet. But, his actions don’t make much sense. The Senate MINORITY (I love typing that) Leader blamed the MAGA terrorist attack firmly on Trump and even said he may face criminal charges…right after he voted to acquit Trump. Huh? Of course, Trump didn’t like those words so he issued a statement (because he can’t tweet anymore).

Trump’s statement said, “Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again.”

Apparently, it could have been even worse as advisors advised that he take out a parts that included “lots of repetitive stuff and definitely something about him having too many chins but not enough smarts.” That almost makes you miss Trump’s Twitter account. Were they as good as, “Mitch McConnell has more chins than a Hong Kong phone book”? Oh, that’ll slay at the next MAGA rally.

Mitch loved Trump until he couldn’t get anything out of him anymore. Mitch got a whole bunch of judges and huge corporate tax cuts out of Trump and then like a pair of old socks with holes in them that haven’t been washed ever, he threw Trump away. And the same went for Trump. He got everything he could out of Mitch and like an old pair of socks with holes in them that started with the back talk, he threw him away.

You can’t just stick a toe in the orange Kool-Aid. You have to dive in and get your hair wet. After condemning Trump, Nikki sought an audience with him at the golf resort he lives in, but she got snubbed. It’s pretty heavy when Donald Trump won’t let you in to kiss his ass. This is Donald Trump, the same guy who once held a cabinet meeting where everyone took turns kissing his ass.

But Nikki really wants to be elected president in 2024…like a whole bunch of other Republicans. They’re all going to be after that Trump base and several, like Nikki, will try to criticize Trump while appealing to him. But I bet the love for Donald Trump fades. No, not with his terrorist racist base, but with the general public. I don’t see President Biden being so bad that people start thinking, “Man, I wish we had some more Trump,” except for, you know, Nazis.

Donald Trump will probably run for president again unless he’s in prison, too occupied with his debt, lawsuits, and criminal charges, has fled the country to live in a Moscow condo, or finally been gotten by a gator on his golf course. I have ten bucks on the gator. C’mon, gator!!! Daddy needs a new pair of socks! Who am I kidding? Trump would just throw Lindsey Graham at it as a distraction.

I don’t vote for ass kissers so I will not be voting for Nikki Haley…ever. And since I don’t vote for ass kissers that means I will never vote for a Republican ever again.

People like Nikki probably don’t feel any sense of shame groveling to Donald Trump because they already sold out long ago. For Nikki and her fellow Republicans, your soul is gone and there’s no getting it back. It’s just too bad she’s not entirely like Ted Cruz because if she was, then she wouldn’t know what she was missing because she never had a soul.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have NINE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Tossers For Trump


cjones09072019

After Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico in 2017, Donald Trump went to the island and threw paper towels at the victims.

To say Donald Trump wasn’t prepared for the hurricane would be an understatement. A response wasn’t prepared until after the damage. Supplies, boats, and rescue personnel weren’t organized until after. Trump didn’t even know the people were American citizens, that he was their president, or that Puerto Rico was even an island until afterward.

During the paper towel trip, Trump berated the victims saying, “I hate to tell you, Puerto Rico, but you threw out budget a little out of whack.” He told the victims they didn’t have a real catastrophe because it wasn’t like larger hurricanes that other presidents had to deal with. Afterward, he refused to accept that the death toll is nearly 3,000. He’s lied repeatedly about how much has been appropriated and spent on the recovery. To make matters worse, he engaged in feuds with the politicians of the island, calling them “corrupt.”

As Hurricane Dorian headed for Puerto Rico this week, Trump didn’t just tweet out concern for the citizens who are still recovering from Maria. He complained about having to spend government money on the island with, “Will it ever end?” He told the people that they should be thankful for the help, “not like last time,” and continued his feud with the mayor of San Juan (if you’re a Republican, San Juan is the capital of Puerto Rico), calling her “incompetent.” Then, he tweeted, “And by the way, I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to Puerto Rico!”

Puerto Rico was mostly spared and now Dorian is headed toward Florida. Did Trump start complaining about how much we may have to spend on hurricane relief for the state or start lobbing insults at the governor? Of course not.

Florida is a red state. The governor is a Republican. Trump won Florida and he’ll probably win it again as the state rejected the intelligent and eloquent Andrew Gillum for racist Ron DeSantis in 2018.

Trump praised DeSantis and even canceled a planned trip to Poland. Of course, neither Trump or DeSantis are mentioning that Trump has pulled funds away from FEMA to increase spending on punishing immigrants.

Trump likes to compare himself to President Obama, so let’s do that. When Hurricane Sandy hit New Jersey in 2012, President Obama didn’t complain about how much we’d have to spend on the recovery. He didn’t insult the citizens. He didn’t deny how big the storm was or how much damage was inflicted. He didn’t accuse the governor of having an eating disorder and call him a “fatty, fat, fat, fat.” Obama, like presidents before him, responded in a presidential manner. But maybe there’s something else that will drive Trump to give a presidential response to Dorian hitting Florida.

There’s more to Florida than just electoral votes or a population that’s not entirely made up of brown people. It contains two of his properties. Trump loves his properties. He mentions them every chance he gets. He visits them every chance he gets, spending over a quarter of his time as president at his golf resorts, driving on the green, cheating at golf, crashing weddings, eating chocolate cake, letting guests pose with the nuclear football, etc. Fun, fun. He’s even promoted his properties as president and has proposed his Doral club as the location for the 2020 G7 summit. He’s used the presidency to grift as much cash as he can into his resorts and hotels. It’ll be hard to do that if a hurricane wipes them out.

I’m not wishing for a hurricane to hit Florida. I’m not even hoping for a very precise strike that’ll only hit Mar-a-Lago and Trump Doral. But if it does, I’ll send paper towels.

Then, after sending paper towels, I can say, “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to Donald Trump.”

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Spy-a-Lago


cjones04102019

It’s not just for the president’s safety that his security is of the utmost importance. You may be saying, “But, Clay…what’s the point of keeping freaks away from Trump when he chooses to surround himself with freaks and is himself, an Adderall-riddled lunatic?” True, Trump keeps company and appoints a consortium of slimeballs, grifters, fucknuts, and shitweasels. But, we have to take national security seriously, even if the president doesn’t and even sells it to the highest bidder.

The Secret Service needs to do everything in its power to protect Donald Trump from physical harm. Do you really want the man to become a martyr and spend the rest of your life listening to sycophants’ conspiracy theories? You know they’d say Obama did it. The other thing is where Donald Trump goes, so does national security. For the Secret Service, he makes their extremely difficult job even harder by lounging at a resort.

Last weekend, during Donald Trump’s 77th presidential golf trip, a Chinese woman carrying four cellphones, a hard drive, a laptop, and a malware-infected thumb drive was arrested at Trump’s pompous Florida golf resort, Mar-a-Lago. She got through the Secret Service by claiming she was there to swim and attend an event that was not happening. She didn’t even have a swimsuit but she was loaded with recording devices like a Russian photographer invited into the Oval Office. It was a staffer of the club who caught her. The most shocking revelation out of this is that Trump actually hired someone smart enough to catch it.

Trump blew off the incident by calling it a fluke because the fault of this doesn’t just lie with the Secret Service. It falls on him too. First, he doesn’t vacation at a home, compound, or ranch like previous presidents. He has to visit a club so hundreds of people can fawn over him, tell him his hands aren’t really that small, and listen to him talk about how smart he is. He likes to crash weddings at his club.

The second problem is, he invites access to him. The club sells memberships by winking to members that they’ll have access to the president and his family. This is selling access. The club doubled their membership fees after Trump was elected. If you’re a Russian, Chinese, or Saudi Arabian spy, part of your budget will be purchasing a membership to one of his clubs.

The third problem is, Trump is careless with national security. He doesn’t follow guidelines for using secure phones as he thinks that’s too much of a hassle. He hands out security clearances to grifters and family members (I know. Redundant) like they’re Skittles. His son-in-law, who got a security clearance from Trump after being rejected by the FBI, talks to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia through WhatsApp. Trump hands over classified information to Russians in the Oval Office that we received from allies. He even held a meeting on strikes on Syria at Mar-a-Lago in front of guests while they were looking over his shoulders, taking photos with their cellphones, and tweeting those photos. Once, he allowed guests to pose with the nuclear football.

Donald Trump is a national security risk.

People who negotiate with Trump understand he’s a flake who surrenders. He surrendered on the shutdown, his threat to end Obamacare, and his threat to close the border. Just like negotiators, spies know all they have to do to run surveillance on the president is to go after his phones and buy a club membership. He’ll even take a selfie with the spy. This is a man whose campaign invited Russians into their headquarters. They don’t tell spies to go away and they don’t call the FBI when they show up.

It helps our foreign adversaries that the president of the United States is an idiot who’s a sucker for ego gratification. Everyone knows how to play him which is through parades, sword dances, and fake blondes who look like his daughter.

The Secret Service needs to protect Trump from spies by protecting Trump from himself. When they protect Trump, they’re protecting us. Now, if only they’d protect us from Trump.

Confession: My biggest influences are the work of Sergio Aragones and Don Martin from Mad Magazine. But, Spy vs Spy, which is a very famous feature of Mad, never did anything for me. If you don’t hate me yet you will after I tell you that I never dug the fold-in back cover either.

However, I do enjoy drawing the Spies from Spy vs Spy. They’re easy.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Trumpy Gator Balls


cjones04082019

Golfer Arnold Palmer has been quoted, “I never do a business deal until I played 18 holes with a guy.” The logic is that in four hours (which I’m assuming is how long it takes to play 18 holes), you can’t hide who you are. If you’re nice, pleasant, honest, rude, impatient, or a cheater, it’s going to come out. I’ve heard golfers claim that you play life the way you play golf. A good argument for that analogy’s veracity is Donald Trump. 

Trump cheats at golf. Shocking, right? Sports writer Rick Reilly has written a book, Commander in Cheat, that chronicles the way Trump plays golf and operates as a course owner and operator. Reilly examines the way Trump’s courses resemble mini golf with waterfalls (all that’s missing is shooting the ball into a clown’s mouth, but he owns the course), and despite his claim of having the greatest courses in the world, not one of them is included in the top 150 in America. What’s really intriguing are the multiple details of Trump’s cheating and his lack of respect for the game he loves so much.

Trump was very critical of the time Obama spent playing golf as president. Trump even criticized his golf game. He promised he’d be too busy as president to play golf and that he’d never leave the White House. Of course, he lied. According to the website Trump Golf Count, he’s visited his courses as president 77 times as of March 31 (if you’re a Republican, that was three days ago), at a cost of $95,000,000. Basically, we’re paying for Trump to cheat at golf.

Reilly has documented that of the 18 club championships Trump claims, maybe only two are legitimate. He’s even claimed two championships he didn’t play in, once when he was at a different course. When he’s actually playing in a game, he’s known to cheat. He kicks his ball so often that caddies have given him the nickname “Pelé.”

Trump doesn’t just move his ball, he’ll move his opponents. Once, after his ball had gone into the water, he stole a ball belonging to a teenager. The book also documents that Trump once threw Sportscaster Mike Tirico’s ball into a bunker after it was only ten feet from the hole. Trump claims a 2.8 handicap, but everyone Reilly speaks to says it’s more like a 7 or an 8.

He disrespects the game other ways too. He always tees off first, even if he didn’t win the last hole. He drives his carts on the green. He also drives his cart down the fairway before the other golfers have hit their drives.

Trump is like a child who has to have the biggest piece of cake. He always has to win, even if he didn’t. After cheating, which is always obvious to those he played with, he brags to them about winning, being oblivious to the fact they know. You don’t hit the ball seven times then tell Tiger Woods you’re playing for a birdie. Tiger knows.

Just like golf, Trump cheats at life. He steals from charities. He cheats on his taxes. He cheats contractors. He cheats lenders. He cheats on his wives. He cheated by stealing a Supreme Court seat, then cheated by having the rules of confirmation changed. And of course, he cheated when he stole an election with the help of Russia. Just like in golf, he thinks if he lies about it then nobody will notice.

It’s also cheating when he betrays our trust. We were aware that Trump gave high-level security clearances to Ivanka and Jared after they were rejected, but now we have learned he’s done it for others at least 25 times. Trump has the authority to grant security clearances to whoever he wants to receive them, but when we elect people, we expect them to use their powers responsibly. No rational person has ever expected Donald Trump to act responsibly, but his handing out security clearances like candy is a threat to national security. For the love of god, Jared has been communicating with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia through WhatsApp. Trump’s cheating is a danger to the nation.

People who play golf with Trump or work at his clubs enable him by nodding along when he boasts about his prowess as a golfer, all while they know he’s cheating and lying. At least in their cases, he’s either paying them or buying their lunch. His supporters also enable his lies by continuing to support and defend him, which doesn’t make any sense at all. Trump’s not buying their lunch.

Discovering that Trump cheats at everything is about as surprising as learning he’s a vile, ugly, horrible person without any regard for anything that’s not named Trump. Reilly says he wrote his book on Trump’s cheating, not from being offended as a voter but as a golfer. Personally, when it comes to Trump, I’m offended as a human being.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Just Got Richer


cjones12312017

After Trump and Republicans gave HUGE tax cuts to millionaires and billionaires, he flew down to Mar-a-Lago and reportedly told a bunch of snooty rich guests, “you all just got a lot richer.”

Trump campaigned for the tax cuts on the basis it would help the middle-class and would actually hurt him and his gajillionaire asshole friends. As usual, he was lying.

The tax cut he gave to the middle class is smaller than both of the cuts Obama gave them. In return for that tax cut, voters took Congress away from him. Trump’s “tax cut” will actually raise taxes for some people, and increase other expenses in blue states.

As for this cut hurting Trump and his friends, no. The very first thing he did was fly down to the warm climate of Snooty McSnootsville, played a round of golf, and then told the blue bloods “you all just got a lot richer.” I do have some doubts about this claim. Trump said, “you all?”

This shows just where Trump and Republicans place their priorities. His first and only legislative achievement in 2017 was making the rich, including him, richer. What about DACA which will keep immigrant children, brought to this nation by no fault of their own from being deported to lands that are not their homes? What about CHIP, the insurance program funded by states and the federal government for children in low-income families?

When Trump finally works on those two programs, he will need Democrats because many Republicans are less passionate for those than they are for billionaires. Trump will get a lot more bipartisan support for those programs, and infrastructure than Obama did. While many Republicans are also in favor of DACA and CHIP, they refused to work with Obama on anything. They put politics and billionaires over the health and well-being of children.

Have you seen that stupid commercial aimed at idiots where a consortium of goobers are thanking “President Trump” for rescuing our economy, making America safe, providing more money to the middle class, reminding us to stand for the national anthem, and “letting” us say Merry Christmas again? That commercial is really pissing me off because I know Trump’s base is actually stupid enough to buy that crap. I’m waiting for Trump to claim he invented toast, that we never had it in our entire lives until last January, and then Republicans will start thanking him for toast. Yeah toast!

What they should air is a commercial of jerky billionaires and trust-fund babies thanking President Trump for making them richer and providing tax deductions for private jets and yachts.

Creative note: This is my last cartoon for 2017. It’s not actually my last, but it’s my last dated for 2017. The cartoon I will publish tomorrow will be dated for January 1st. I think I’ll make it on Trump so when an editor yells at me I’ve drawn too many Trump cartoons I can respond with, “what are you talking about? I haven’t published a Trump cartoon since last year.” I’m sure they’ll laugh along with me.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.