DeSantis DeCowardly DeChicken

Isn’t it kind of wild that I’m drawing so many cartoons on an individual totally devoid of charm and personality? Say what you will about Mussolini, Castro, and Stalin, but at least they had some flare. Even Donald Trump has inspired millions to follow him and drink his Kool-Aid. Granted, they’re all racist imbeciles, but Ron DeSantis can’t take them from Trump. The only thing about Florida’s governor that inspires a cartoonist to draw him is despite being ridiculous, he’s dangerous.

Boots McPudding Fingers is dangerous. The racist homophobic governor has attacked education and the Black and LGBTQ citizens of Florida. He’s used state resources to deport refugees to Martha’s Vineyard…from Texas. He’s literally pointed his weasely finger at high school students and bullied them by scolding them for wearing face masks. The nicest way I can find to describe Ron DeSantis is that he’s a vile piece of shit that flies don’t even want to hover about.

Political analysts say that Ron DeSantis is so devoid of personality, that his greatest asset is his wife, Kacey, who has been called upon to be the human face of the presidential campaign. And I’m sure she’s likable enough, sort of, but a frothing warthog with a venereal disease in a Train T-shirt standing next to her husband will be viewed as personable. And now, among all faults, we learn that Ron DeSantis is a coward.

Ron DeSantis is currently getting his butt kicked by Mickey Mouse. Why? Because he was afraid when Disney voiced disagreement, not even opposition, to his Don’t-Say-Gay law. So, he changed laws to punish the company which has since outsmarted and outmaneuvered him at every turn.

Last Saturday, he refused to meet with President Biden as he toured areas of Florida that were damaged by Hurricane Idalia. Republicans who attack the president for not visiting that chemical train wreck in Ohio or for being “late” to Maui (how dare you not be in Maui before the wildfire) have been silent over DeSantis refusing to tour damaged areas of his state with the president.

Why did DeSantis refuse to tour his own state with the president? He did it last year after Hurricane Ian hit. So why not now? The reason is that DeSantis is a coward. He’s afraid his Republican rivals for the presidency will use the photos against him. They’ll claim that DeSantis putting the citizens of Florida before politics and putting aside partisanship for the greater good is somehow a character flaw. Think about it. Donald Trump never did anything as president (sic) unless it was for his own greater good and he’s currently leading in the Republican primaries by a large margin. If DeSantis is seen with President Biden, Republicans will accuse him of working with a…gasp…Democrat and of being bipartisan. That sounds stupid and immature, right? We are talking about Republicans and if you don’t believe they’ll use it against DeSantis, ask Chris Christie who was castigated for the sin of working with President Obama after Hurricane Sandy hit New Jersey.

DeSantis would rather GOP voters see his policies on culture wars than his policies that could actually help anyone who’s not a white nationalist riding golf carts in the Villages. But an 80-year-old president and a cartoon mouse aren’t DeSantis’ only fears. He’s afraid of questions from teenagers. Specifically, he’s afraid of questions from 15-year-old New Hampshire resident Colin Mitchell, who’s a history and politics buff who’s seen at least 35 presidential candidates since 2019.

New Hampshire is one of the first primary states and it’s very small with a population of 1.38 million, which means during the first part of presidential campaign season, you can’t walk to your mailbox without running into a presidential candidate. Imagine in 2015, opening your front door to find Ted Cruz. I just shivered.

At a recent DeSantis presidential campaign event in Hollis, New Hampshire, Colin showed up and he asked a question…and then Ron DeSantis pissed his pants.

Colin stepped up to the microphone and asked, “Do you believe that Trump violated the peaceful transfer of power, a key principle of American democracy that we must uphold?”

DeSantis said Americans shouldn’t get stuck in the past and snidely asked Colin, “Are you in high school?”. I just can’t figure out why people fail to see the man’s charm. But, it didn’t end there. It got bad. Then, it got worse.

The moment went viral and put a spotlight on DeSantis’ inability to acknowledge Donald Trump’s efforts to illegally undo the 2020 election and install himself as a fascist unelected Oompa-Loompa dictator. Granted, most of the other GOP candidates can’t do it either, but none of them go after a teenager after shitting themselves from his question.

Colin Mitchell said at two events after the question incident, DeSantis’ goons “grabbed” and “physically intimidated” him and also monitored his movements. Colin said it was “horrifying” and intimidating.”

At a Fourth of July parade DeSantis attended, Mitchell was swarmed by security and physically restrained after a brief interaction with DeSantis, with his private security contractors even demanding Mitchell stay put until they said so. Who are these people to tell anywhere to “stay put?”

Mitchell said that at one event, “I actually had a reporter come up and just say, ‘They’re pointing at you and they’re watching you.'”

After a handshake with DeSantis, where Mitchell actually apologized for his asking his question and for putting heat on the governor, he felt a firm tug on his shirt pulling him away from DeSantis. Soon, he was surrounded by goons and ordered not to remove from his spot for another five minutes.

Later, Casey DeSantis, the one with a personality, talked to Mitchell’s mother and suggested that her son was lying. Casey said to Mitchell’s mom, who wanted to know why their goons were touching her son, “Well, I’m a mother, too. I know what you’re experiencing, and we’re all very afraid for our children…even if they’re exaggerating.”

At an August campaign event, Mitchell was tailed closely by two more DeSantis goons. One attendee told The Daily Beast they saw a staffer for DeSantis’ super PAC, Never Back Down, take a photo of the teenager on Snapchat before typing out, “Got our kid.”

Seven other sources corroborated Mitchell’s version of events. Mitchell said that in a “small state like New Hampshire,” it was “really stupid.” It sounds like the 15-year-old understands the political landscape better than the governor of Florida. If DeSantis can’t handle one question from a 15-year-old, how is he going to handle Donald Trump in the primaries?

Better yet, if DeSantis somehow wins the presidency, how will he handle people like Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping, Bongbong Marcos, Aleksandr Lukashenko, Recep Erdogan, or Kanye?

In 2020, Democratic Senator and then-presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar met with Mitchell and later mentioned him in a speech. Chris Christie recently mentioned him in an interview saying, “He goes to every town hall meeting… he asks really tough questions.” Christie was also quoted saying, “Quinn, remember me when you are president.”

DeSantis is lucky that Mitchell’s parents haven’t truly gone after him yet. If this had happened to my son when he was 15, I would follow every DeSantis campaign event in New Hampshire and troll the guy. I would ask DeSantis why he’s bullying my son. I would tell DeSantis that his goons don’t have the right to tell my kid where to stand and if he can move or not. I would tell DeSantis that if his goons ever touch my kid again, it’s not me he has to worry about. He’ll have to worry about his mother which would be significantly worse.

The one positive from all this is since Colin Mitchell sees every presidential candidate that visits New Hampshire, soon, he’ll never have to worry about seeing Ron DeSantis ever again.

Music note: I listened to the White Album.

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