Rico Rudy

After I post a batch of roughs, I’m usually done with all the ideas in it. But, I have gone back and made completed cartoons from a few in the past. There are always some readers who tell me I should go back and do one but I usually let them go. Not this time.

Several readers asked for this to become a completed cartoon when the idea was posted as a rough about a week ago, and I thought, “Yeah, maybe.” And with the Trump benefit to help Rudy coming up in three days, this Thursday, I thought now is as good of a time as any.
I originally started this cartoon yesterday, but shelved it for a day for the Jimmy Buffett cartoon. But enough about me. Let’s talk about this Rudy fundraiser.

Donald Trump owes Rudy Giuliani tens of thousands in legal fees but has refused to pay him which is weird for two reasons. One, Hey, he owes him. Two, they’re supposed to be friends. If you have a friend like Donald Trump, you don’t have a friend. The thing is, Rudy’s work as Trump’s lawyer was more of a co-conspiratorial thing than it was actual legal services.

Rudy ran across the country lying for Donald Trump. He lied about the election being stolen. He made up shit and then would make up more shit. He had already sullied his reputation before the 2020 presidential election, but he made it a lot worse after. He held that stupid press conference in the parking lot of a fertilizer store, confusing it with the Four Seasons hotel. The press conference was also next to a sex shop. Rudy embarrassed himself for Trump with his hair dye running down his face during another press conference. He loudly farted during a state legislative session while telling lies. He even made defamatory statements about two Georgia election workers that weren’t based on any facts and is now losing a defamation case brought by the two election workers. He’s also being sued by Smartmatic for lying about their products. Rudy is in serious debt and can’t pay his own legal bills.

You can blame Rudy for his own problems because he was stupid enough to get involved with Donald Trump after knowing he was a lying grifter for decades, but you should also blame Trump for not giving a damn about Rudy’s problems.

Rudy flew down to Mar-a-Lago (I’m assuming he flew. Maybe he hitchhiked) to plead with Trump to pay his legal bills. Trump is bragging about raising $7 million from his Georgia mugshot photo as if that’s something to be proud of, but his super PAC, Save America (sic) has spent over $101 million on Trump’s legal fees, and those of a few people who testified before the January 6 House Committee back when the Democrats were in charge. How much of that $101 million was spent to help out Rudy? Zero, none, nada, zippity-doo-da. Trump’s super PAC was reportedly down to $4 million a few weeks ago, not because of purchasing campaign commercials, but from Trump’s legal bills.

Trump is spending his supporters’ money, not so much on his presidential campaign, but on his legal fees. Trump truthed (sic) a few days ago about his co-conspirators, “And they don’t have a lot of money, and some of them just almost nothing.” Well, then help them out, you orange-bloated grifter. They’re in trouble because they did your bidding. Even the Wicked Witch would probably help pay legal expenses for her flying monkeys (shit. Someone’s going to steal that idea for a cartoon).

Jenna Ellis, one of Trump’s partners in crime who was sitting next to Rudy during one of his farting events, tweeted, “I was reliably informed Trump isn’t funding any of us who are indicted.” How much does this woman have to suffer?

Ellis has raised about $180,000 through crowd-sourcing. Lawyer John Eastman has raised around $500,000. Jeffrey Clark, the former Justice Department official who aided Trump in trying to illegally overturn the election, has raised about $56,000. Cathy Latham, one of the Georgia fake electors, has raised about $15,000. Another of Trump’s co-defendants, the one who spent the weekend in jail, successfully raised $3.35 from collecting bottles on the side of the road outside the Fulton County Jail.

This is the kind of guy Donald Trump is. He demands loyalty while giving none. But, he’s going to help out Rudy. How is he going to help out Rudy? By allowing other people to give him money.

This Thursday, Trump is holding a fundraiser for Rudy to help him pay his legal bills. An invite was sent to evil rich goons stating, “Donald J. Trump (the “J” is for “jackoff”) invites you to an evening in support of America’s mayor (sic) Rudolph Giuliani.” It’s a $100,00 per-plate event. For $200,000, you’re guaranteed that you won’t have to sit next to Rudy.

But there are some details I think most folks are missing. Trump is holding a benefit for other people to pay Rudy’s legal fees. Does this mean Trump doesn’t have to pay the money he currently owes Rudy? Also, since this event is being held at Trump’s golf club in New Jersey, does that mean he’s going to deduct a fee for hosting it in his ballroom? It’s why so many of the Trump Campaign’s events are held at his properties, so the campaign can spend Trump’s supporters’ donations at Trump’s properties. It’s a legal way for Trump to put campaign donations into his pocket because he’s that kind of guy.

Donald Trump is a huge failure as a human being but he does know how to grift morons and suckers and one of them is Rudy Giuliani, who’s never been America’s mayor.

One other question is: What’s being served on those $100,000 plates? If precedence is a factor here, it’s going to be like when Trump hosted sporting event champions at the White House, and for $100,000 people trying to support Rudy are going to get Big Macs, Chick-fil-A sandwiches, and other assorted hamberders. For $100,000 per plate, they should be serving bald eagles and Komodo dragons.

But c’mon, America. Spend $100,000, $200,000 if you want seconds. It’s for a really bad cause.

Music note: I listened to The Breeders.

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