Heavenly Cheeseburger

Two things I’m not a big fan of are obituary/tribute cartoons and Jimmy Buffett’s music.

After hearing of his passing yesterday, I knew there would be a slew of tribute cartoons with boats sailing into heaven and crying parrots. I’ve counted at least four cartoons with crying parrots so far (I’m betting either Michael Ramirez or Gary Varvel will do the crying parrot thing). I’m choosy about who deserves tribute cartoons and I know Buffett is big enough of a deal to get one, but still…I didn’t wanna. I knew the usual gang of cartoonists that rush to do tribute toons would fill that gap and so far, they haven’t disappointed. Like I said, four crying parrot cartoons. I’m usually way too cynical for obit cartoons.

But when I do an obit/tribute cartoon, I try to find something irreverent, though I often fail. I think part of my job is to have fun with my readers. I find obit cartoons sappy and boring for the most part. So, I moved on yesterday and did something else. Today, I was drawing something else again when I thought of this, and for some reason, it amused me enough to shelve what I was doing and draw a heavenly cheeseburger cartoon. Honestly, I think I only did it because the cow tickles me.

I think Jimmy Buffett was a good guy. He was evidently a big philanthropist and he didn’t support MAGA. He was blue. He definitely knew how to construct a song and build a chorus with a verse and provide it with a hook, but all his stuff to me was constructed around cheesy puns. It makes sense he started off as a country singer as that genre is full of puns…bad ones.

I get writing about alcohol. That’s a rock-n-roll tradition. Have A Drink On Me by AC/DC kicks ass. But the opening riff to Margaritaville annoys the hell out of me. And don’t get me started on Cheeseburger in Paradise. I don’t get the motivation to write about food unless you’re Weird Al or Sammy Hagar (that guy wrote a lot of songs using food as a sexual metaphor. “I love my baby’s poundcake?” Yeah, what could that be about? At least when Weird Al sings “Eat It,” he literally wants you to eat it (food, people. Food). He also loves Rocky Road ice cream. It made him Fat. But I just don’t get it with the cheeseburger. How does anyone sing along to that? How do you love it? I mean, when you first heard it, did you think, “Finally…someone expressed my feelings for cheeseburgers that I could never put into words.”?

Then people tell me, “Don’t listen to the margarita or cheeseburger song. Go back and listen to Come Monday. And ya know what…. I kinda like it. Come Monday is nice…until after the second chorus. I like the way Jimmy built this song and how it climbs into the chorus and gets out of it, although I don’t like the all that much. And I like it when it goes into the bridge after the second chorus, I’m already tired of it.

I’ve also heard the song about changes in latitude whatever, and sheesh…I can’t stand it. It’s just drivel. I was reading an article about how he went to one of his many establishments and surprised everyone with a three-hour set. Three hours of Jimmy Buffett music? That sounds like torture. I’ll tell you where I buried the treasure, stored the stolen documents, when the attack will begin, and where, that I am a spy, I stole a Whatchamacallit candy bar when I was seven, and I did spend the night with your sister if, for the love of god, you stop playing Margaritaville! I would rather attend a Nickelback concert with Train as the opening act than be forced to listen to Jimmy Buffett’s music. Well, maybe. That’s kind of harsh.

Jimmy Buffett kinda seems in the same musical territory as Warren Zevon, as Werewolf of London is a bit gimmicky, but that piano riff rolls, and Carmelita is a beautiful and sad song about drug addiction. Buffett may be closer to Van Morrison and Brown Eye Girl. Ugh, another song nobody ever needs to hear again.

But I do think it was kind of cool that when someone said to him, “My gummy just kicked in,” he decided to make that a title to a song. And, Paul McCartney played bass on it. Nothing can outcool that, right?

When I do think of Jimmy Buffett, I think less about Margaritaville, cheeseburgers, it being five o’clock somewhere, parrots, flip-flops, beaches, pirates, boats, etc. I think about crass commercialism. He was a billionaire and richer than Bruce Springsteen who has way more songs I can recognize than Jimmy Buffett has. But, Springsteen isn’t as rich because there’s not a chain of Born To Run casinos although, there is a Glory Days franchise but I don’t think the Boss has a stake in that. I could be wrong.

Years ago, my town had a Cheeseburger in Paradise. I was asked to play a few songs to help a pal’s open mic there back when I played live music, but I never ate there. I never did get that iconic cheeseburger. I did not hear good things about it.

Jimmy Buffett was not a billionaire from people buying his records and attending his concerts. He was a billionaire because of businesses like a chain of Margaritaville and Cheeseburger in Paradise restaurants. On that scale, he contributed as much to society as Chili’s, who actually has a better song. “I want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back.”

I read an article that Jimmy Buffett wasn’t Jimmy Buffett anymore. He wasn’t sailing or going shoeless. He was a businessman who owned three homes in Palm Beach (among many others). So when I started this cartoon, I became concerned that maybe, in his remaining years, he didn’t eat cheeseburgers anymore. Maybe he was a vegetarian. After all, he was hanging out with Paul McCartney. I couldn’t find out either way.

I will give Jimmy Buffett this…he made me want a cheeseburger today and I think that’s what I’ll have tonight.

I posted on social media yesterday that it would be a win if I somehow got through the day without hearing Margaritaville. I failed.

I know you probably love Jimmy Buffett so go ahead and feel free to leave comments and throw things at me.

Music note: I did NOT listen to Jimmy Buffett. I listened to Stone Temple Pilots while coloring today (yes, again. I didn’t forget to change this from yesterday).

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