Fat and Orange

Donald Trump recently “truthed” to his cult, “Why doesn’t Fox and Friends show all of the Polls where I am beating Biden, by a lot. They just won’t do it! Also, they purposely show the absolutely worst pictures of me, especially the big ‘orange’ one with my chin pulled way back. They think they are getting away with something, they’re not. Just like 2016 all over again… And then they want me to debate!”

It’s one thing to play victim and claim that the Democrats stole an election from you and they’re not indicting you so you can’t win the next win. Boo hoo hoo, life is hard for old-ass white billionaires. But it’s another thing to claim you’re victimized because a network only uses unflattering photos of you.

I too hate it when I see photos of myself online where I look chunkier than I like, but I know the unflattering appearance isn’t from the angle, lighting, or bias of the photographer. But maybe I should start blaming the photographer instead of accepting the reality that I need to lose a few pounds, my face has aged, and my hair is turning grey and thinning. Yeah, that’s it. It’s all from biased photographers who hate me for being such a great cartoonist. It’s why I haven’t won a Pulitzer Prize yet.

Trump should worry less about a photo making him look fat and orange and worry more about a prison uniform making him look fat and orange. The guy is facing 91 criminal charges and he’s worried that photos make him look fat and orange.

I’m sorry, Donald, but every photo makes you look fat and orange. It’s not the photographer’s fault he has to use the panorama lens, Chunky Butt.

Trump had Dr. Ronny Jackson, the only Trump asskisser who’s literally been inside Trump’s ass, give a press conference where he claimed Donald Trump was only 230 pounds. Well come tomorrow, we may find out the truth. The Fulton County sheriff said that his office will follow “normal practices, and so it doesn’t matter your status. We’ll have mug shots ready for you.”

The police in charge of booking Trump in NYC, Washington, and Miami didn’t bother to humiliate him by taking his mug shot, but Fulton County seems intent on taking one. And they should if only to be consistent as they’ve already taken mug shots this week of Trump lawyer John Eastman and Georgia bail bondsman Scott Hall, who’s accused of participating in a conspiracy to tamper with and steal data from elections equipment at the Coffee County (Georgia) Board of Elections and Registration. But maybe they should do it the way Trump does ice cream.

Whenever Trump hosts a dinner, he gets two scoops of ice cream while everyone else at the table only gets one, which is an extremely petty juvenile move that proves Donald Trump really is a baby. But since he’s special, he should get two mug shots while all his co-conspirators only get one.

Then again, maybe it’s the two scoops of ice cream that helps make Trump look fat, along with KFC and Big Macs. But why is he orange? Is he eating too much sherbert?

The good news for Trump is that Georgia state prisons probably offer lots of exercise time in the yard.

Creative note: It’s 2 P.M. now and I’ve been up since 11 P.M. last night. I spent this morning working on the design for the Indictment Tour merch. I flew out of Baltimore at 6:15 A.M. and landed in Atlanta a little after 8 A.M. I took a train from the airport to downtown. I had a late breakfast with Atlanta Journal-Constitution cartoonist Mike Luckovich (maybe you’ve heard of him). And even though I can’t check into my room yet, I’ve been at the hotel’s Starbucks since 11ish working on the cartoon and this blog. There’s a debate party tonight I’ve been invited to but I need some sleep.

So if you find any typos in the blog, let’s blame lack of sleep. OK?

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